(alarm buzzing)
♪
Woman: Have a nice day.
♪
Jasmeet: ...as many condos as there are that are going up,
there should be as many flea markets going up,
you know what I mean?
Like, we need to balance out the ecosystem.
We're already destroying the environment...
♪
(alarm buzzing)
(speaking Punjabi)
Then what's wrong?
Your parents?
Maanvi? Jasmeet?
(footsteps approaching)
- Get up! - What are you doing?
Get out of the bed.
I'm not supposed to be woken up like that, man.
What are you? Crazy?
- What are you doing today? - I don't know.
Probably do my work and then do the deliveries.
Supinder: No.
I can't trust you anymore.
I know. I made a mistake. It's just, something happened.
Something always happens to you.
Okay, what do you want me to do? Work at the factory?
Do seva in the community!
...For a change.
Who's Baldev?
(sighing)
Dumb and dumber.
Two of you.
Mm, actually I think I would be the less dumb one,
'cause I'm sleeping on the floor.
I don't know if you know this,
but that's how our ancestors slept.
And it's really good for the lumbar.
You really wouldn't believe how many things...
Supinder:
(door slamming)
Shit.
I forgot my toothbrush.
Can I borrow your toothbrush?
No.
What do you want me to do? Use my finger?
Yeah, you're at your cousin house.
You use your cousin finger.
You put some toothpaste on your finger,
then you put it in your mouth, and that's a cousin toothbrush.
You rub it up and down.
Then you take your fingernail, then you scrub your tongue.
And that's how you clean your mouth.
I'm on the cousin floor. I hear my cousin snore.
- (overlapping rapping) - He's my cousin friend.
- 'Til the very end. - I smell your cousin feet.
- Man: What the hell is this!? - Woman: I'm sorry.
Ten minutes for a fucking coffee and you get it wrong?
I'm so sorry.
Coffee. Milk.
It's not rocket science, if you speak the language.
Hey. Be respectful.
I'm late, and she keeps getting my order wrong.
Sir, I can fix it.
If you are late, then why are you here ordering coffee?
Who the fuck are you? Her dad?
Just conduct yourself properly.
Screaming and yelling at this girl
is no way for an adult to behave.
Fuck this.
This country's gone to shit thanks to the Liberals.
(muttering) Unfucking believable.
Neal: Pooji will get over it.
This is just a major setback in her lifelong dream
of having a business.
Bro, I already feel bad as it is.
And the craziest thing is she got the opportunity
because of my internet shit.
But?
But then she lost the opportunity
because of my internet shit.
- (phone pinging) - That's crazy, bro.
Gotta protect Pooji at all costs.
(sniffing)
Ooh, she's making breakfast.
Hey, should I smoke before I eat or after I eat?
I can never tell which one's better.
Bro, smoke with me.
When have I ever said yes to that question?
Neal: Not until today.
Okay, you know what? I'm going to get out of here.
I just can't be here anymore.
I'll catch you later.
Neal: Love you.
(groaning) This mattress sucks.
(door closing)
(lumbar cracking) Mm.
Oh, yeah. Ancestor style.
(sniffling)
Gurdeep: You know...
Soon, I hope.
(chuckling)
(door creaking open)
(yawning)
There's paronta if you're hungry.
Ooh, yes...
You can't always just eat your mom's Pop Tarts.
You will get sick.
Come on, my mom's cooking isn't that bad.
Is it as good as mine?
You know I can't tell you the truth.
Wait, are you doing the deliveries by yourself?
This is not like your house, Neal.
In this house I do everything.
We don't order food and we don't pay someone to clean our house
or cut our toenails.
Is that what you think happens in my house?
I talk to my brother.
Guess you're not far off.
Okay, can I please help you?
Neal, you are always hungry.
Always eating and snacking.
You eat the food for the customers!
No, I have to do it myself.
That's what you're using to get around?
Where'd you get a paper map?
It's bigger than you.
You use this in the car?
While you're driving?
That's crazy.
How are you alive?
Okay, at least just let me enter the addresses
into your phone for you, please.
Neal--
Or you can get on my shoulders, and I'll walk around the city,
and you can just throw food at people,
and then we'll put on a trench coat
and we'll sneak into a rated R movie.
It'll be the best day of our lives.
(sighing) What's wrong with you?
I don't know.
(knocking)
Hey, welcome.
Dude, your building is so nice.
I was like, "She's got a doorman? What?"
Oh, I-- I don't have a doorman.
Oh, 'cause there's just, like, a random guy
who's letting people into your building.
Oh, that's-- that's really weird.
Yeah, you guys should call the cops.
- Yeah, we probably should. - Yeah.
(laughing) No, but seriously, you're a life saver.
There is clearly a lot to do.
Yeah, no. It's all good.
I'm always down to help other people,
especially the ones I care about.
- Aww. - So.
- Whoa, what? - (laughing)
This is your view?
It's, like, too modern, right?
No, this is exactly the kind of place
I've always dreamed of living in.
Well, you should.
Ah, I could never afford it.
Dancers, man. You guys are making way too much money.
What's going on?
I have my joe-job, too, but my parents helped.
Maybe yours would?
Nah, even if they could, it's just like...
Or you could be like my boyfriend
and date someone who lives in a place like this.
So, you're telling me to date someone with a place like this.
With a place exactly like this?
Someone who lives in this exact place?
Oh, my God, you're ridiculous. (Chuckling)
Listen, I like how we vibe,
but maybe we should tone it back a bit.
It's just I feel bad sometimes because of Ryan,
and I want us to be able to be friends.
Yeah, yeah. No. I-- I'm not trying to be a homewrecker.
I want to be friends, too. So, I'm sorry.
No, you're-- you're good. I just had to say it.
Jasmeet: All good.
Hey, you want to see the rooms?
- Rooms? - Rooms.
- Roomssss? - Plural.
You're telling me your mattress isn't under the kitchen sink?
(Rebecca laughing)
You gonna work that hard, Gurdeep,
at least trim your beard.
We don't want to be shipping out boxes of your loose face pubes.
If I trim my beard I will look as ugly as you.
(laughing)
(beeping)
Sir, may I have a quick word?
Yeah, keep it quick.
I have a cousin came from India,
and he's looking for work, but having no luck.
He's a very good and hard worker.
Would there be any jobs for him?
We're at full capacity as it is.
He's very determined and willing to work any hours.
Can you train him on your time?
Yes.
Not on our dollar, you get me?
Of course.
Okay, then. Sure. You Indians are something else.
Okay, I think it's in. Pass me the screws.
Shit.
I think I was supposed to buy those separately.
How does that make any sense?
Uh-oh. Are you going to rant?
Should I-- Should I go get my phone?
Am I going to be on the internet?
Okay, so you do watch my channel.
Hey, I'm a fan,
but now for some reason my algorithm is pushing
ultra right-wing brown guys with podcasts.
- Oh, not the podcasts. - (laughing)
Okay, but for real though, and you have to answer honestly.
'Kay.
Gay son or thot daughter?
Oh, gay son for sure, because
men have to actually earn their value in society.
What do women even bring to the table?
Not screws apparently.
Hey, I was the star of my high school shop class, okay?
You were not the star of your high school--
- I absolutely was. - What are you talking about?
Look at the size of your hands.
- What's wrong with my hands? - They're tiny! Look, okay.
One hand is, like, half of mine.
No-- No, they're absolutely normal for my body.
- That doesn't make-- - You might need three hands--
Rebecca: I don't need three ha-- My hands!
Jasmeet: What's going on?
Nice, only a little rickety
considering we didn't use a single screw.
(laughing)
(shushing) That's our secret, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
- Get your feet off my table.
(sighing) So, what do you think about this couch?
Uh...
It's vintage!
So, like, used?
So, like, lived in, and I'm obsessed with it.
Yeah, I mean, it's pretty cool, I guess,
if you like crazy colours and unidentified fluids
embedded into the fabric.
You mean pasta sauce, right?
Oh, is that what this is?
- Yeah, totally. - Okay.
Okay, it's got a few stains,
but it's the first thing I bought for myself.
I went to every consignment store in the city
until I found the perfect one.
It's my style. My place, my style.
Yeah, no, I can respect that.
So, what about you?
You'll never move out? Parents won't allow it?
I feel like they'll think I'm abandoning them or something.
Are things okay with them?
Sorry. You don't have to talk about that if you don't want to.
Nah, it's nothing like that, it's just like...
It's always an up and down thing or whatever.
I mean, do you get along great with your parents?
Kind of. Is that bad to say?
They're like my best friends.
What are you guys? White?
We're Punjabi-Christian.
That doesn't mean that we're white.
Oh, right. That just means that you're white adjacent.
No, it's not that weird.
No, I'm playing, though.
Must be nice, you know?
Rebecca: It has its perks.
(chuckling)
That's no problem.
I think...
Okay...
Rebecca: Are you hungry? Do you want to order some food?
Yeah, I'm down for some, like, Indian food.
Um, pakoray, chole bhature.
Mm, too oily for me. All that ghee, dairy,
fried food, no, thank you.
What about pho?
What?
Like, pho. Like, Vietnamese noodle soup.
I don't know what that is.
Have you never had pho?
No?
Okay, well, what about, um, vegan sushi?
I know this really great place that my parents and I
go to every single time they're in the city.
Really? They don't tell you to eat at home
and guilt trip you if you go out?
They only guilt trip me if I order fast food.
My dad's a health nut.
And they'll just, like, come over to your apartment
and kick it with you?
Yeah, they were actually just here.
When I booked that gig they took me out to celebrate.
They're the best.
Why do you stay with that agent?
He's a good agent.
Why don't you manage Jasmeet's career?
That's what I said!
Gurdeep: No, he's creating his own path.
(Gurdeep chuckling)
I also love your girlfriend Rebecca.
Aww. (kissing)
Thank you, Aunty ji.
No, please. Mami ji.
- Mami ji. - I am your mom.
Aww.
They live together, unmarried.
Cool.
Pho or veggie sushi?
What?
Pho or veggie sushi?
(groaning) I can't decide. I'm such a Libra moon.
You have to choose.
(laughing)
Rebecca: You don't like it, do you?
It's all right. It just tastes like fish.
But it's not fish, that's what's crazy about it.
(knocking)
Is that your parents?
I don't know.
- Should I hide? - Why would you hide?
You're fine. You're fine.
Just chill. It's good.
Okay, I'm just gonna duck out.
Oh.
Woman: Delivery for Rebecca. Is that you?
Uh, yeah, Rebecca Mathias.
- Woman: Mm-hm. - Rebecca: Come in.
Woman: Okay. In you go.
Be careful. Watch your back.
Rebecca: You can probably just leave it right there.
- Okay. - Thanks.
Can I just see the slip?
Man: Yup. Here you are.
Rebecca: That's great. Thank you.
Jasmeet: You got another couch?
It's from my parents.
"For our baby girl and Ryan, too.
New condo, new couch. Enjoy."
Ah, just tell them you already have your consignment store
pasta sauce couch.
They know.
They saw it and they hated it. So...
Oh.
Sounds intense.
No, I'm-- I'm so lucky.
I mean, what parents would do this for their kid?
And besides, you hated that one, too, so it's fine.
I didn't actually hate it.
I was just messing around with you.
Plus, who cares what anybody else thinks?
You like it, and that's what matters.
It's actually kind of dope. It's different.
It's colourful. It's unique.
Like you.
Thanks.
(clearing throat) But they're right.
New couch. New condo. Fresh start.
(water running)
Hi, Pooji. I got your text message,
and I knew it was from you 'cause at the bottom it said,
"Love, Pooji/Mom." So...
- Sit, please. - Oh.
Is something wrong?
You were right.
Please don't tell your fufar ji,
but I spent $400 on taxi
to make my deliveries today.
What? Dude, why? I would have done it for, like,
four egg parontas.
That's what I want to talk about.
Do you really think you can make deliveries for me?
Uh, yes. Hello?
I asked you, like, 10 times earlier if I could.
I would love to.
But you don't have a car.
I don't need a car. I have a bicycle.
It's like a car, but it's free.
You can just grab them in front of the library.
I will pay you with the tiffins
so that you don't eat the customers' food.
Smart.
And also you will get tips.
Great. Did Jasmeet ever get tips?
He has room, laundry, and food. That is his tips.
So, are we making a deal?
(inhaling) Hm...
Let me think about it.
Yes, Pooji, of course we can make a deal.
You are a good nephew.
Thank you.
You know, he-- he means well.
He's got a lot going on right now
and it's hard for him to balance everything,
but he loves you and he loves the family.
Thank you.
I'm just going to take this.
(sniffing) Oh, yeah.
(both grunting)
'Kay, I think that's-- I think that's good.
All right. I should head out.
Um, leftovers?
Uh, nah. I'm good. You keep it.
Put it in that empty-ass fridge of yours.
Listen, um, I know my parents might seem
like they're overbearing,
but they just want what's best for me.
Yeah, no, I get that.
I just want you to be happy and have the couch
you really want.
Anyways, um...
Thanks for your help.
I really appreciate it.
Yeah, it's really not a problem. Any time.
All right, goodnight.
Goodnight.
(kissing)
Sorry, I-- I just--
I thought this was, like, a friends thing.
- Uh... - No, you know what?
Don't worry about it. You're good. I'm good.
Um, we're good.
I'll just, uh... I'll head out. Um...
Unless...
Nah, you know what? I'm playing. I'm playing.
Um, okay. I'll, uh...
I'll catch you another time.
- Okay, bye. - Yeah.
Have a good night.
Rebecca: Goodnight.
(door closing)
TV Host: All right, everybody. Welcome back to the show!
(speaking Punjabi) Thank you. Thank you.
Okay.
(door opening and closing)
TV Host: All the way from...
Jasmeet: Yeah.
You guys want pakoray and kulfi?
- Gurdeep: Yeah, sure. - All right.
Are you guys watching that game show again?
TV Host: Can you tell us the main language
of Lakshadweep?
Your options are one, Tamil, two, Malayalam,
three, Hindi, four, Telugu, or five...
Hundred percent.
TV Host: Malayalam is the right answer!
- That's right. - (Laughing)
Yes, I knew that.
(both laughing)
Forget you guys.
Imagine we put Dad on this show.
We'd lose so much. We'd lose so much money.
We'd probably end up paying the host.
(laughing)
♪