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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
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PROHIBITION FROM HELL
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CHEAP LAWN MOWING!
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That's me. Marcin Łopian,
nineteen years old.
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I'm from Pęchery
in the municipality of Piaseczno.
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Born in Łbiski
between Pęchery and Piaseczno.
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That's right.
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Dad's tractor wasn't fast enough to get us
to the hospital in Piaseczno in time.
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That's why I have this scar on my cheek.
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Manure spreaders are no joke.
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You're probably wondering what
an assistant to a construction foreman
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is doing in the middle of the street
with a messed-up face at 3:00 a.m.
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Let me emphasize that I'm still at work.
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If you guessed that I just got hit
in the face with a high kick,
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you win a coupon for bupkis
with a side of diddly-squat.
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But joking aside,
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time to regain consciousness,
and face the enemy.
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That's right.
Besides doing construction work,
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we're also in the business
of fighting dark forces.
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My fists are made of shit,
you fucking asshole!
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-'Scuse me?
-And your ugly human face is the toilet,
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so surrender now!
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Or I'll take a shit on you!
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Hyah!
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You don't know much
about obscur-dicks!
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Those aren't my balls!
You kicked me in the ass!
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Don't move
or I'll cut your fucking dick off!
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Uh-oh. How do you know where my dick is?
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That's Domino.
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Yeah, he's a demon, but he's on our side.
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He's screwed back in Hell,
so he joined our crew a few months back.
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He might be terrible at martial arts,
but he's also shit at fist-fighting.
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Boss! Marcin is in trouble!
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Quick, pass me the shotgun!
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I'd rather pass a kidney stone
than pass you this shotgun.
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Hell, I'm not suicidal!
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Plus, I need it,
there's one more right back here!
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And this is our boss.
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Bogdan Boner.
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Yeah, he's about as good at shooting
as Domino is at fighting.
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Oh, Jesus.
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Good God, not the vodka!
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Oh fuck!
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Thanks a lot.
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Get lost! Can't you see what's happening?
46
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How long can you go without air?
Why won't you just fucking die already!
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Hey! You first, asshole!
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Phew. Thanks, man. That was a close one.
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Okay, now give the gun back to the boss.
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Or maybe don't.
He'll be better off without it.
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Why'd I say that?
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VODKA WINE BEER 6 AM - 11 PM
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Mission accomplished.
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Let's head back.
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You heard this one?
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Milik is such a shitty soccer player
that when he gets horny and wants to fuck,
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he couldn't even score in a whorehouse!
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Who needs to pay for a comedy show
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when the boss tells such hilarious jokes!
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Speaking of payment,
I wanted to ask you, boss,
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when exactly do I get my salary?
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Your salary, huh? How much do I owe you?
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-For the past month or in general?
-Why don't we just say for the past month.
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It's 1,400 for last month but…
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Here, take 1,500 zloty
and we can honestly call it even.
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Take it easy, Marcin,
money isn't everything, you know.
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I think what really matters is good humor.
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So do you know this one?
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The Prime Minister goes
to the whorehouse...
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Hey, Marcinek,
what's your fucking problem?
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Oh Christ, Marcin, what have you done?
What the hell has possessed you?
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You're possessed, right?
That's it?
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Don't worry, Domino, I'll show you.
Let's get back to the store.
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Oh damn! What kind of magic is this?
75
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Just because someone looks like the boss
and dresses like the boss,
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doesn't mean it's actually the boss.
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And what do you……want?
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Oh no! Only enough for one!
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00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:53,959
But how, Marcin?
What about the boss tipped you off?
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The real boss would never have given me
my entire salary,
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and definitely not without an argument.
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It turns out those obscur-dicks
are shape-shifting demons
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and can even take on human form.
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That's one of their biggest
and baddest tricks.
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It's too bad you didn't give us
that information sooner!
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It's going to be
so fucking awesome, Krzysztof!
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It's going to be the party of a lifetime.
And look at our supplies!
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Twelve cold ones in this bag
89
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and a bottle of liquor
in my backpack for dessert!
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Shh. Damn it, Bartosz.
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-Have you gone fucking nuts?
-What?
92
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Don't you dare even think about saying
the word "bottle" next to Piotras!
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00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:28,209
First of all, why worry?
He's not here yet.
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Oh, that's right.
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00:04:29,293 --> 00:04:32,251
Piotrek! Move it!
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And then second of all,
what's the big fucking deal?
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The deal is he's never even
tried alcohol in his life.
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He barely agreed to go for this beer.
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I just really don't want him
to get spooked.
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Then why did we chip in for the...
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Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm?
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Oh, you'll find out.
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Wassup, homies?
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Finally.
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-And many more on--
-All right, buddy, let's go get wasted!
106
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What's with all the yelling?
107
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Don't you realize some of us
work night shifts
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at the cauldron boiling humans
and need to sleep during the day?
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Hey, mister,
why are you yelling?
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I'm working from home here!
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Living at the brothel
doesn't mean you work from home!
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One fifty an hour
after the neighbor discount!
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Do you know how many people I have to
boil alive to make that kind of money?
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Hmm, that's what beer smells like.
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No, that's what shit smells like.
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Come on, P-Man, your eighteenth birthday
only comes once a year.
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-What's up? Come on, do it!
-All right. Bottoms up.
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So she says to me,
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"When you're ready to finish, let me know,
'cause I don't like…"
120
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so I say,
"Don't worry, Mariola, I'm not close."
121
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And that's how I got this black eye.
122
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-Piotras, don't you have to piss?
-What?
123
00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:53,876
Oh, right. Guys, I'm going for a piss.
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All right, Bartosz, this is it.
Keep an eye out for him.
125
00:05:56,751 --> 00:05:59,376
-What are you planning?
-Quiet, homie, no time to explain.
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This'll be hilarious.
127
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Damn, that bush is all wet.
128
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Never mind the bush. Let's knock
these back before they go flat.
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Ready, set…
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Fucking shit!
Fucking shit! See what you did?
131
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With all due respect, Your Evilness,
132
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but it was you who went behind the tape
and knocked over the ladder.
133
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Oh, it hurts so bad.
134
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Like somebody pouring non-alcoholic beer
into my face. Aah!
135
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We're going to need a doctor.
Do you have health insurance?
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No way.
137
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Well, lucky you, then.
138
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You're paying for your own treatment.
139
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Hey, boss! Hey, boss!
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Good morning, Your Motherfuckedness.
141
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:48,793
Oh shit, Tomek, what happened to you?
142
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Not too much,
I just broke my right leg.
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Oh… I know that pain.
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Like somebody pouring non-alcoholic--
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Tell me why you're here immediately
or I'll have you neutered.
146
00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,501
Ah. So I have two pieces of news.
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The first one is
that you have to turn on the news,
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and the second is that the car has been
picked up from the shop.
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It's parked in its usual spot.
There's no sign of the TV.
150
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An unusual event took place last night
in the center of Cain Square
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where a group of drunken youths
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gathered together to celebrate
an 18th birthday,
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managed to desecrate the statue
of our endarkened leader Beelzebutt.
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We have a recording of the incident.
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Citizen, this is
your second to last warning!
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Please get off of the statue!
157
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Or we will be forced to use gas on you!
158
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I am the fucking King of Hell!
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I am the king of… King of… of Ass!
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King of Ass, this is your final warning!
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Please get off the statue!
162
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Whoo-hoo!
163
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And Batman's goggles!
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Commencing spraying!
165
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Nah! Nah!
166
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Piotras the Invincible!
167
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Damn bastards!
168
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Destroying such a beautiful statue!
169
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I'll show you assholes what's what.
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Call the General Assembly at once!
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I shall give a speech!
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Following the recent shameful crimes
committed by these youths,
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I am making the following announcement.
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The laws concerning the minimum age
to buy and consume alcohol
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in Hell and all its territories
are changing.
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From this day forward,
the established legal minimum drinking age
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in Hell for its citizens will be raised
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from a mere eighteen years of age,
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to a much more twenty-one years of age.
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Wait! What about cigarettes?
181
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Yeah! What about cigarettes?
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The total ban on smoking tobacco products
and the use of all types of e-cigarettes
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will continue to be upheld indefinitely!
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Did you hear that, Bożenka?
185
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-What the heck was that?
-Don't know.
186
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I think it was a thud in the garage.
187
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I'd better go check it out right now.
You never know.
188
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:15,418
You just think you're so clever,
don't you?
189
00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:17,668
Not this time, you old drunk.
190
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,418
Hello? Someone there?
191
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,418
Hello?
192
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,126
Ehh, Bożenka, Bożenka.
193
00:09:29,793 --> 00:09:32,126
Bożenka, Bożenka.
194
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:36,209
Bożenka may not be much to look at,
but does she have the brains?
195
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:37,834
Also no.
196
00:09:37,918 --> 00:09:40,709
So when will you learn
you just can't win against me?
197
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:42,084
Not a fucking chance.
198
00:09:42,168 --> 00:09:44,501
I'm just too damn cunning for that.
199
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,376
And now it's time to hit the bottle.
200
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:48,043
So you say you want a hit?
201
00:09:48,126 --> 00:09:50,251
-There you go, you loser!
-Ow! Come on, Bożenka!
202
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:52,793
What was that slap for?
I haven't even taken a sip yet!
203
00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:54,751
What for? Every night this week
204
00:09:54,834 --> 00:09:57,668
you've been sneaking out to the garage
and coming back stinking of onions.
205
00:09:57,751 --> 00:09:59,418
And all this time
you thought I didn't know?
206
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:02,501
That you were gorging yourself
on onions to mask the smell of vodka?
207
00:10:02,584 --> 00:10:04,459
But all that ends right now!
208
00:10:06,918 --> 00:10:08,626
Didn't I tell you there was a thud?
209
00:10:10,459 --> 00:10:14,168
-Yee-haw! Come on, let's go!
-Michał, Michał. Michał. Wait.
210
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:15,084
Look.
211
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:16,459
Uh-oh.
212
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:26,293
All right, Cyprian,
do you remember everything?
213
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,793
I do,
but I still think it's a stupid idea.
214
00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:30,959
Goddamn it, don't you want to get drunk?
215
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:33,459
Let's do it.
216
00:10:33,543 --> 00:10:36,751
CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
ON THE PREMISES PROHIBITED
217
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:46,751
Hello, I'd like half a liter
of your cheapest vodka
218
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:47,709
and a Coke.
219
00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,626
Here you go. That'll be 18 zloty.
220
00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:55,793
Mr. Staś!
221
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:57,418
Oh, damn it!
222
00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:00,376
I've got him!
223
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:03,168
I've got him! I've got ahold of him!
You little…
224
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:07,334
I'll show you!
225
00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:10,043
You little shit! Stealing? Stealing?
226
00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:12,376
This one's for you, you son of a gun!
227
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:19,209
And don't show your face
around here again, you little shit!
228
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,376
Janusz!
229
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:27,126
You are a fucking genius!
230
00:11:28,126 --> 00:11:30,084
EXORCISM AGENCY / CONSTRUCTION
AND RENOVATION COMPANY BONER
231
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:32,084
We can't cope.
We just can't cope anymore.
232
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:34,918
On any given day
we have twice as many reports
233
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:37,709
as we did during
our Days of Cheap Alcohol.
234
00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:39,959
There's so much
of this devilish crap going on!
235
00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:43,084
And half our officers are on leave.
Paid leave!
236
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:44,834
They are scared, the shitheads.
237
00:11:44,918 --> 00:11:46,959
Help us, Boner. You're our only hope.
238
00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:49,293
Assuming that your fee is reasonable,
of course.
239
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,376
All right, yeah,
we're gonna take care of it.
240
00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:52,418
But first things first.
241
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:55,543
We need to try to figure out why there's
been such a sudden increase in activity
242
00:11:55,626 --> 00:11:57,543
from those God damned horned bastards.
243
00:11:57,626 --> 00:12:01,209
Apparently, the problem is that Beezlebutt
raised the legal drinking age in Hell.
244
00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:03,626
And there's the answer
to our first big mystery.
245
00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:05,918
Now the next major issue
we need to figure out
246
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:08,459
is how to keep those demon scum
from bring their partying
247
00:12:08,543 --> 00:12:10,001
all the way up here to Earth.
248
00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:12,376
Got it! Say, hey, Domino, can you sing?
249
00:12:12,459 --> 00:12:14,376
Not at all. But I really like it!
250
00:12:14,459 --> 00:12:16,668
Exactly! Pretty much like all singers now.
251
00:12:16,751 --> 00:12:17,959
It's freakin' perfect!
252
00:12:18,043 --> 00:12:20,876
ANDREA BOOBCELLI - CONCERT FREE ENTRY!
DRINK INCLUDED - VODKA WITH SPIRIT
253
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,668
Calm down. Slowly. Don't panic.
254
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:32,459
There's enough liquor for everyone, okay?
One vodka with moonshine over there.
255
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:33,376
And for you?
256
00:12:33,459 --> 00:12:35,376
The same!
257
00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:36,293
STAFF ONLY
258
00:12:36,376 --> 00:12:38,543
It makes my heart weep
to see the amount of damn alcohol
259
00:12:38,626 --> 00:12:39,959
that is being fucking wasted here.
260
00:12:40,043 --> 00:12:41,126
Why are you worried?
261
00:12:41,209 --> 00:12:42,418
Are you paying for this?
262
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:45,251
This has all been confiscated
from an illegal distillery.
263
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:48,959
Hey, so what? It tastes just as wonderful
and delicious as legal alcohol.
264
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:50,126
Should we attack now?
265
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:52,293
Let's wait until
everyone's inside the club.
266
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:53,293
Hey, Domino.
267
00:12:53,376 --> 00:12:54,501
Yes, boss?
268
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:57,043
-Get your ass on the stage.
-Roger that.
269
00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:59,126
ANDREA BOOBCELLI
270
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:33,043
Boss, how much longer?
271
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,834
We ran out of the free vodka.
They're going to kill me!
272
00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:38,626
Give us our vodka, you thieves!
273
00:13:38,709 --> 00:13:40,084
Please remain calm!
274
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:44,418
We were supposed to have free drinks
included with our tickets, for fuck sake!
275
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:45,959
Boss, I'm begging you!
276
00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:49,126
Wait for it, wait for it, wait for...
277
00:13:49,751 --> 00:13:51,043
Lock 'em in!
278
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,709
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the main attraction.
279
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,084
Foam party time!
280
00:14:01,168 --> 00:14:02,626
We've got a surprise!
281
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:05,793
The foam is made out of holy water! Die!
282
00:14:08,043 --> 00:14:08,959
FOAMMASTER 1000
CAUTION
283
00:14:17,876 --> 00:14:18,709
You traitor!
284
00:14:18,793 --> 00:14:21,418
I'm taking you down with me!
285
00:14:22,126 --> 00:14:23,543
-Wait. What the hell?
-Ha, ha!
286
00:14:23,626 --> 00:14:24,543
Surprised?
287
00:14:24,626 --> 00:14:26,334
I built up a tolerance!
288
00:14:26,418 --> 00:14:28,043
Get off the stage, shithead!
289
00:14:32,543 --> 00:14:34,418
You fucktards!
290
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:36,793
This is what you deserve!
291
00:14:40,459 --> 00:14:41,543
Uh-oh.
292
00:14:43,459 --> 00:14:44,543
Oh, holy shit!
293
00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:46,709
Hey, boss, help me!
294
00:14:50,043 --> 00:14:51,251
Shit, goddamn it!
295
00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:52,543
I'm all out of ammo!
296
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,626
Oh crap, I'm gonna die in here!
297
00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:57,959
Shit, I wonder how Marcin and the boss
are keeping it together out there.
298
00:14:58,043 --> 00:14:59,918
Oh crap, we're fucking finished!
299
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:01,418
Boss, if you get us out of this one
300
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:05,043
I promise you that I'll work every day
for free for the next six months!
301
00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:06,959
Hmm. You say you'll work for free?
302
00:15:07,043 --> 00:15:08,376
What about the overdue wages?
303
00:15:08,459 --> 00:15:09,418
Eh…
304
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:12,376
What overdue wages?
Boss, you don't owe me anything, I swear!
305
00:15:12,459 --> 00:15:14,793
You should have said so sooner!
306
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,293
Turns out it won't be that easy.
307
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,334
Goodbye, boss.
308
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:22,543
We can settle up our deal
on the other side.
309
00:15:22,626 --> 00:15:25,126
I certainly hope and pray
there's an ATM in Heaven.
310
00:15:31,959 --> 00:15:34,251
Okay, you demon trash
from the depths of Hell,
311
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,209
say hello to my little six-barreled friend
who shoots sanctified bullets!
312
00:15:54,418 --> 00:15:57,293
Wait, Natan? What are you doing here,
you dirty wiener?
313
00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:59,793
You should really be thanking
my huge girthy wiener
314
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,959
because I just saved your fu…
315
00:16:02,043 --> 00:16:03,459
…ass.
316
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:06,334
I know that your company likes
that kind of entertainment,
317
00:16:06,418 --> 00:16:09,043
but you better keep
your holy wiener away from my ass!
318
00:16:09,126 --> 00:16:12,209
Ehh, ungrateful. Next time…
319
00:16:12,293 --> 00:16:13,959
Get away, you dark entity!
320
00:16:14,043 --> 00:16:15,751
Get him off me!
321
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:23,959
Phew!
322
00:16:24,043 --> 00:16:26,251
Fine, have it your way. We're even now.
323
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:28,376
Well, it really pains me
to say this to you, Boner,
324
00:16:28,459 --> 00:16:30,543
but thank you for saving my fu…
325
00:16:30,626 --> 00:16:31,876
…ass.
326
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:34,626
Yeah. Except I wasn't trying
to hit the evil demon.
327
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:36,126
Err…
328
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:37,043
THE END