NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
THE LAW OF SURPRISE
I used to be a regular bum back when I was alive,
but once dead, I've been living like a king!
Did I say king? No, like a royal prince!
I mean I work like a royal prince, 'cause I live elsewhere.
Well, the castle may need a little make over here and there but--
Oh shit... Help! Please!
Help! Please!
What? My fishing permit? I'm sure we can work something out, officer.
Uh-huh.
Anybody?
Help!
Hey mister, keep yelling like that and you're gonna pass out. Grab my hand!
Dude, you got so scared your heart stopped.
Your hands are as cold as a corpse.
Hold on...
You are a corpse! In fact, you're a phantom!
-Come here, bastard! -Wait!
You don't have to kill me. Got a better idea!
Hmm, I hope it's at least 80-proof
and about 25 ounces.
Maybe it's not quite that awesome, but you're gonna like it.
-You’re wasting my time. -Have you heard of the Law of Surprise?
-No! -So listen,
we're gonna go to my crib
and I'll give you something which will will be there,
but which I am not expecting! Are you OK with that?
Why not. I'm in.
LAWN MOWING CHEAP PRICES
You can afford this place on a phantom's salary?
Are you kidding? I didn't pay for it.
My wife is still alive and she runs a private clinic.
Gotta set yourself up right, man!
Olga? What are you doing here?
Wait, it's Wednesday. I was actually expecting the cleaning lady.
We'll find something else then.
Stasia? You were supposed to work your shift at the clinic.
Not anymore. I switched with Zenon, he's going away on the weekend.
Did I mess up your plans? You didn't expect to see me, did you?
Oh shit...
What do you mean I gotta bang her?
This is the Law of Surprise. You must do Stasia, no way out.
You're lucky it's not my in-laws with their dog.
You know what? I'd rather kill you after all.
No way! Even if you do kill me, the curse will remain intact.
-And what's actually gonna happen? -Bad luck.
Everywhere you go.
I don't mean the regular stuff, like you buy a six-pack of beer
and at home you find out it's non-alcoholic.
Fuck, man. You're scaring me!
It's gonna suck big time.
Unaware, you'll open the first bottle, taste it, and you actually gonna like it.
Fine, I'll just do it.
-Stasia, he's made up his mind. -He has?
Well, in that case, I'm leaving you both now and, you know...
Come on, don't be shy. Bring it on, bachelor.
My old man is not much of use to me.
Meow!
Come over here, tiger.
Oops, sorry.
Okay now... Make love to me!
Fuck it. I can always add some vodka and then drink it.
The curse is already working.
Woe betide, you mortal!
You don't know shit. It rarely starts even without any curse.
Told you! Later.
Safe at last.
The dumb prick almost got me to believe in this shit about bad luck and surprises.
Had I fucked that giant bimbo, that would've been bad luck. What the--
Good evening. Deputy sergeant Ćwok... I meant Ćwik.
Sobriety test. Please blow into device for ten seconds till you hear the beep.
Was he telling the truth after all? No, it's just a coincidence.
I'd better stop making myself believe in that stuff and nothing bad will happen.
Really? Watch me now!
Here, jack of clubs, Makaó! Calling a nine!
Really? Why don't you watch me now?
Bang, another jack. Makaó! Calling a ten!
Looser! Here comes the queen! Game!
-You can't do that! -Says who?
These are the rules!
First, I play to win, and second...
Hände hoch!
Come on, Domino. We're friends, aren't we?
There are no friends when you play the game.
There goes my driving license for three months--
-Fuck! -My bad, boss.
I wanted to scare Marcinek off. It was bad luck you came in just then.
How many times am I supposed to say - no bad luck for me!
EXORCISTIC OFFICE / BUILDING AND RENOVATION SERVICES
Say "bad luck" one more time and I'll smack you.
No, I'm here to tell you we've got a new job.
A haunted video rental place.
Whaddaya say, Luki? Isn't my plan sweet?
The victims will be coming straight to us
and we're gonna make money from the rentals.
I'm not so sure, Szczepan. Who rents video tapes nowadays?
Well, nobody, I guess...
But we're gonna have a blast watching all the new releases!
Szczepan, what the fuck's wrong with you? What new releases?
We've got The Gladiator and Titanic. These ran on TV like 50 times already!
How come I got tempted to put all my savings into this shitty business?
Lifetime savings, do you get it? I've lived for over 600 years.
How come? I made you do that. Told you, you'll be fine with me--
I'll be damned!
Pinch me now! Or better punch me in the fucking head, 'cause I think
someone's actually coming over here.
-What? -OK, let's chill.
Let him pick a movie first and we're gonna suck his blood right after.
-Good morning. -Morning.
Good morning. Welcome!
I'd like to sign up for a membership.
We need two pieces of photo ID. You must be a resident of Piaseczno,
otherwise a 100 zlotys deposit is required.
More requirements than for a loan. Here.
Thank you. Take a look around and I'll get your membership card.
Marcinek, now!
What's with the radio? Don't tell me the battery's dead!
-Are we going in? -No.
We're waiting for his signal on the radio.
-Shot fired! We're going in! -No, we gotta wait for his signal.
Look Szczepan, a regular lead bullet.
He probably wants us to die from laughter.
Marcinek, Domino, when are you two idiots gonna figure it out?
Is he for real? Regular bullets again!
You see this idiot? He thinks he'll find something in the cash register!
Nobody rents video tapes anymore, you moron!
I'm not looking for money!
I know what he's up to.
He'll stop the movie and wait till we get bored to death.
Get your dumb asses over here. They're vampires. Bring the stuff!
Shit, he's calling for backup. Attack!
Those bullets again. Can't take it anymore...
Freeze or... you'll regret it!
-What's the devil doing here? -Forget it, just do what I'm doing.
I got you!
I'll show you!
Luki, oh no!
But don't worry. I'll avenge your death!
Old trick! Won't work on me!
I'm not scared of your stinky pie hole!
I grew up in the Middle Ages. Nobody was using toothpaste back then.
Or maybe not... Don't tell me you ate some garlic...
You sneaky Judas!
-We did it. -Yeah, that's it.
Let's go see the mayor and get paid...
Good, time for the bad luck bullshit to be over.
LAWN MOWING CHEAP PRICES
Why did we come here in the first place?
And why did the boss get so wasted?
I mean he always gets wasted, but he let me drive
and told me to get some condoms from the gas station.
That's a bit suspicious.
-Wait, he's coming! -Wow, he's smashed.
He must've had some more inside. Watch out!
Fuck me... Now, that's one lucky dude!
Boss, I don't know how you did it,
but bad luck can now kiss your love pump.
Let's go!
-To the office? -To the liquor store.
THE END