NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Which one of you morons will tell me...
ANTICHRISTOSAUR
...if you can add sand to the plastering mix?
Yes, you can!
And what is the other moron saying?
I'd say you cannot.
Neither moron number one nor idiot number two is right.
Can we add sand?
The correct answer is: it depends! On who you're doing the work for.
If for ourselves, don't do it. You'll mess up the plaster.
If for someone else, however, it's even recommended,
to save up on the materials,
while cheating the customer at the same time.
So, I repeat my question:
in our situation, should we add the sand?
-Yes, we should. -So what are you waiting for, dorks?
-We ain't got no sand... -Some soil will do.
Construction business...
maybe they pay shitty money, but at least they pay.
What a pity, lately we've had as few jobs as Domino has brain cells.
Surprised? They're afraid of showing up around here after the last disco mission.
Hundreds of them ended up six feet under.
Though we kind of screwed up charging just 200 for all of them.
We should've asked for 200 a head.
It would be 200 multiplied by a few hundred.
-So much more. -Good one!
In fact we should make a deal with one of those horned hell jerks.
He could be haunting homes,
and we could “exorcise” him with blank bullets and make a lot of money.
Yeah, but where to find one?
What?
VETERINARY CLINIC
Have you, my little furball, ever thought of what would the nuts say
if they could talk?
No idea? So I'm gonna tell ya.
They'd be silent as a grave for the silence is golden!
This is why I'm talking like crazy.
When a fool gives the right piece of advice, a wise man listens.
I do talk sense sometimes. OK. Did you say goodbye to your nuts?
I thought so. Let's go!
You stupid... Let it go, you devil!
If you think that actually pissed me off,
then you're wrong.
I was pissed off already!
What is it?
What's in there that's making you run off as if you saw the devil himself?
Oh fuck, it's the devil!
Beg for mercy, mort--
Wait, I gotta use a different voice.
Beg for mercy, mortal... Fucking shit.
Good, bearded Jesus! What's that?
Looks like a wolf, since he's got a pig's mouth.
Quick, the Eutanator!
After that cat's dose he'll be waking up soon.
After this injection you ain't never gonna wake up...
-Wait, mister! -What?
LAWN MOWING CHEAP PRICES
-It didn't work out? -Unfortunately.
We earned nothing and had to pay an extra 50 for the broken door.
The plan was almost good. Let's give it another try.
We ain't changing anything
except for staying away from dudes with syringes.
MINI LAS VEGAS CAFE
Here we are.
Marcinek, you first.
Morning. Brought some fliers. Bye.
"Devil control,
combating unholy spirits,
low prices."
Get out of here with all that junk paper!
OK sweetie, I'm sorry, I promise I won't hit you again.
I lost my temper then.
And done!
Come on. Don't be mad. I'm really sorry.
OK, have it your way.
This time I'm gonna use real money instead of a pad!
Come on, what's going on?
A lame prize for a lamer!
Shit, it's the devil.
Hello?
Yes, correct.
It's 200.
But if you need an invoice, it'll be more.
What a coincidence.
I actually happen to be passing by.
-Morning. -Morning.
I'm gonna kill every single one of you!
Lord, help me, I'm gonna kill you!
He's inside.
Calm down, we're gonna take care of it in a minute.
Here you are! Hands up, you piece of shit!
You ain't getting shit!
Get ready to die, you mortal--
Pardon me. It's really hard to make this voice.
You mortal!
Watch out. I'm shooting!
What the heck are you doing?
Loosen up your butt. Those are blanks.
Give up, you've got no chance!
And done. You owe me 200!
Victory!
If you only hadn't lost everything playing the slots, boss.
Not to mention the 20 you borrowed from me.
First of all, I didn't borrow anything. You gave it to me!
No, I didn't. Come on--
Second of all, we're gonna cover our losses soon!
The plan is good.
We aren't changing anything, except for staying away
from the guys with syringes and slot machines.
At last you're here. Thank God.
What took you so long. We said 7 p.m.
Come on, it's five past the hour.
Exactly! I'd offer you a shot, but it took you forever,
so I had to keep myself busy somehow.
Damn it, you should've said something!
-OK, to the point. After you, mister. -No way! I value my life!
As long as he's there I won't go behind the barn.
-That's what I'm paying you for. -In this case...
Let's make some money! Marcinek!
Look, mangolds. Wise choice.
Although they're not edible to humans,
the not so picky swine will eat them when hungry.
Look, the Mammoth variety. I've got a pretty good handle on that.
The long, fusiform root, the fleshy, hypocotyl-tuber.
Higher harvest ratio compared to sugar beets.
The quality, surprisingly enough, much worse due to high water content.
Marcinek, we don't get paid for fucking around,
but for fucking up the devil. And he's sitting over there.
Yummy, it's pretty good. Even better with raisins.
These are worms, you wiener. Hands up!
Are they? Really?
Ha ha, I can only hold one arm up!
I'll need my other arm to kill you in no time, motherfuckers.
Warned ya!
Chill, these are blanks.
It hurts as if someone was poking me with a strap-on--
Shut up, moron and lay down! Marcinek, give me some blood!
Mr. Greg, it's done!
Where is it? Where is this monstrosity?!
Right over there! Now, it's time for you to pay us.
What the hell, mister?
I could have handled this lizard myself, with a pitchfork only. I meant that ogre!
Fuckin' shit! An antichristosaur!
Who dares to interrupt my meal?!
Hit that shit!
Shoot him, boss!
Can't do it! I've only got the blanks!
Calm down thou, I'll try to use his own weapon against him.
Holy moly!
Ha ha, what a moron.
He threw away the best piece, the one with raisins.
So delicious. Let me show you a trick.
Hell on Earth!
Oh dear. He's about to make a roast out of us!
Ha ha, wieners in beet stew, it's my favorite dish!
Retreat! To the truck! We need the real ammo!
Surprised?
I'm as fast as a Punto on gas!
Though I'd rather get rid of that power sometimes. If you catch my drift...
But I'm not into fucking around with you now!
Here comes another trick! Hailstorm!
To the barn!
You can run, but you can't hide.
I'm about to do my nunchaku trick.
That's gonna make you shit your pants. Ouch!
I gotta turn off the hail first. Ouch! Shit.
What have you done?
What on earth possessed me to call for you, people?!
I'll figure something out in a sec.
Got it! Domino!
Not now, boss, I've got a serious stomachache.
Boss, come up with something fast! He's coming over here!
Finally.
Sorry to have kept you waiting, I got carried away with all these tricks.
Oh dear...
Hello. May I? Look at this!
Damn! The show is over. See ya!
Ouch, it hurts so much.
Marcinek! Now!
-But what now? -Forget it.
I'm just gonna do it myself instead of trying to explain it to you.
We did it! Are you okay, Domino?
Does it look like I'm okay?
Never heard of anybody eating raw mangolds.
Especially some rotten ones.
THE END