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NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

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Which one of you morons will tell me...

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ANTICHRISTOSAUR

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...if you can add sand
to the plastering mix?

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Yes, you can!

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And what is the other moron saying?

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I'd say you cannot.

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Neither moron number one
nor idiot number two is right.

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Can we add sand?

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The correct answer is: it depends!
On who you're doing the work for.

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If for ourselves, don't do it.
You'll mess up the plaster.

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If for someone else, however,
it's even recommended,

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to save up on the materials,

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while cheating the customer
at the same time.

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So, I repeat my question:

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in our situation, should we add the sand?

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-Yes, we should.
-So what are you waiting for, dorks?

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-We ain't got no sand...
-Some soil will do.

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Construction business...

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maybe they pay shitty money,
but at least they pay.

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What a pity, lately we've had
as few jobs as Domino has brain cells.

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Surprised? They're afraid of showing up
around here after the last disco mission.

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Hundreds of them ended up six feet under.

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Though we kind of screwed up
charging just 200 for all of them.

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We should've asked for 200 a head.

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It would be 200 multiplied
by a few hundred.

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-So much more.
-Good one!

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In fact we should make a deal
with one of those horned hell jerks.

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He could be haunting homes,

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and we could “exorcise” him with
blank bullets and make a lot of money.

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Yeah, but where to find one?

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What?

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VETERINARY CLINIC

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Have you, my little furball,
ever thought of what would the nuts say

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if they could talk?

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No idea? So I'm gonna tell ya.

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They'd be silent as a grave
for the silence is golden!

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This is why I'm talking like crazy.

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When a fool gives the right piece
of advice, a wise man listens.

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I do talk sense sometimes.
OK. Did you say goodbye to your nuts?

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I thought so. Let's go!

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You stupid... Let it go, you devil!

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If you think that actually pissed me off,

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then you're wrong.

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I was pissed off already!

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What is it?

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What's in there that's making you
run off as if you saw the devil himself?

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Oh fuck, it's the devil!

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Beg for mercy, mort--

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Wait, I gotta use a different voice.

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Beg for mercy, mortal... Fucking shit.

52
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Good, bearded Jesus! What's that?

53
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Looks like a wolf,
since he's got a pig's mouth.

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Quick, the Eutanator!

55
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After that cat's dose
he'll be waking up soon.

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After this injection
you ain't never gonna wake up...

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-Wait, mister!
-What?

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LAWN MOWING
CHEAP PRICES

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-It didn't work out?
-Unfortunately.

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We earned nothing and had to pay
an extra 50 for the broken door.

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The plan was almost good.
Let's give it another try.

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We ain't changing anything

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except for staying away
from dudes with syringes.

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MINI LAS VEGAS CAFE

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Here we are.

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Marcinek, you first.

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Morning. Brought some fliers. Bye.

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"Devil control,

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combating unholy spirits,

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low prices."

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Get out of here with all that junk paper!

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OK sweetie, I'm sorry,
I promise I won't hit you again.

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I lost my temper then.

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And done!

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Come on. Don't be mad. I'm really sorry.

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OK, have it your way.

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This time I'm gonna use
real money instead of a pad!

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Come on, what's going on?

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A lame prize for a lamer!

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Shit, it's the devil.

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Hello?

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Yes, correct.

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It's 200.

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But if you need an invoice, it'll be more.

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What a coincidence.

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I actually happen to be passing by.

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-Morning.
-Morning.

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I'm gonna kill every single one of you!

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Lord, help me, I'm gonna kill you!

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He's inside.

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Calm down, we're gonna
take care of it in a minute.

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Here you are! Hands up, you piece of shit!

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You ain't getting shit!

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Get ready to die, you mortal--

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Pardon me. It's really hard
to make this voice.

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You mortal!

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Watch out. I'm shooting!

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What the heck are you doing?

99
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Loosen up your butt. Those are blanks.

100
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Give up, you've got no chance!

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And done. You owe me 200!

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Victory!

103
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If you only hadn't lost everything
playing the slots, boss.

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Not to mention the 20
you borrowed from me.

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First of all, I didn't borrow anything.
You gave it to me!

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No, I didn't. Come on--

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Second of all, we're gonna
cover our losses soon!

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The plan is good.

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We aren't changing anything,
except for staying away

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from the guys with syringes
and slot machines.

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At last you're here. Thank God.

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What took you so long. We said 7 p.m.

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Come on, it's five past the hour.

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Exactly! I'd offer you a shot,
but it took you forever,

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so I had to keep myself busy somehow.

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Damn it, you should've said something!

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-OK, to the point. After you, mister.
-No way! I value my life!

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As long as he's there
I won't go behind the barn.

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-That's what I'm paying you for.
-In this case...

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Let's make some money! Marcinek!

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Look, mangolds. Wise choice.

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Although they're not edible to humans,

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the not so picky swine
will eat them when hungry.

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Look, the Mammoth variety.
I've got a pretty good handle on that.

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The long, fusiform root,
the fleshy, hypocotyl-tuber.

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Higher harvest ratio
compared to sugar beets.

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The quality, surprisingly enough,
much worse due to high water content.

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Marcinek, we don't get paid
for fucking around,

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but for fucking up the devil.
And he's sitting over there.

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Yummy, it's pretty good.
Even better with raisins.

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These are worms, you wiener. Hands up!

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Are they? Really?

133
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Ha ha, I can only hold one arm up!

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I'll need my other arm to kill you
in no time, motherfuckers.

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Warned ya!

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Chill, these are blanks.

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It hurts as if someone
was poking me with a strap-on--

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Shut up, moron and lay down!
Marcinek, give me some blood!

139
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Mr. Greg, it's done!

140
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Where is it? Where is this monstrosity?!

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Right over there!
Now, it's time for you to pay us.

142
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What the hell, mister?

143
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I could have handled this lizard myself,
with a pitchfork only. I meant that ogre!

144
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Fuckin' shit! An antichristosaur!

145
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Who dares to interrupt my meal?!

146
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Hit that shit!

147
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Shoot him, boss!

148
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Can't do it! I've only got the blanks!

149
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Calm down thou, I'll try to use
his own weapon against him.

150
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Holy moly!

151
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Ha ha, what a moron.

152
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He threw away the best piece,
the one with raisins.

153
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So delicious. Let me show you a trick.

154
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Hell on Earth!

155
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Oh dear. He's about
to make a roast out of us!

156
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Ha ha, wieners in beet stew,
it's my favorite dish!

157
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Retreat! To the truck!
We need the real ammo!

158
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Surprised?

159
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I'm as fast as a Punto on gas!

160
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Though I'd rather get rid of that
power sometimes. If you catch my drift...

161
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But I'm not into
fucking around with you now!

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Here comes another trick! Hailstorm!

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To the barn!

164
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You can run, but you can't hide.

165
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I'm about to do my nunchaku trick.

166
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That's gonna make you
shit your pants. Ouch!

167
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I gotta turn off
the hail first. Ouch! Shit.

168
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:06,834
What have you done?

169
00:10:06,918 --> 00:10:09,751
What on earth possessed me
to call for you, people?!

170
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I'll figure something out in a sec.

171
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Got it! Domino!

172
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Not now, boss,
I've got a serious stomachache.

173
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Boss, come up with something fast!
He's coming over here!

174
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Finally.

175
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Sorry to have kept you waiting,
I got carried away with all these tricks.

176
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Oh dear...

177
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Hello. May I? Look at this!

178
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Damn! The show is over. See ya!

179
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Ouch, it hurts so much.

180
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Marcinek! Now!

181
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-But what now?
-Forget it.

182
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I'm just gonna do it myself
instead of trying to explain it to you.

183
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We did it! Are you okay, Domino?

184
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Does it look like I'm okay?

185
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Never heard of anybody
eating raw mangolds.

186
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Especially some rotten ones.

187
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:12,168
THE END