1
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
2
00:00:12,459 --> 00:00:14,001
[theme music playing]
3
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:18,709
All right, morons. Pop quiz.
Which one of you guys is going to tell me
4
00:00:18,793 --> 00:00:20,918
if I can add some sand in
with this here plastering mix?
5
00:00:21,001 --> 00:00:21,876
ANTICHRISTOSAURUS
6
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:23,459
-You can.
-[sighs]
7
00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:25,459
What does the other moron say?
8
00:00:26,084 --> 00:00:27,709
Well, for me, I'm gonna say you can't.
9
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:31,626
Neither the first moron nor the second
idiot-moron were even remotely correct.
10
00:00:31,709 --> 00:00:33,418
Can you add sand to plaster?
11
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:37,043
Correct answer to the question is,
it depends, you morons!
12
00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:38,376
On who you're working for.
13
00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:41,418
If you're working for yourself,
then you better fucking not,
14
00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:43,043
because you'd mess up the plaster.
15
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,793
It's a whole different matter
if it's for some other loser.
16
00:00:45,876 --> 00:00:47,418
It’s actually recommended.
17
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:50,959
That way, we save money on materials
while also cheating the customer
18
00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:52,334
at the same time.
19
00:00:52,418 --> 00:00:55,376
So in this situation,
should we add the sand or not?
20
00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:58,043
-[both] I think we should.
-So what are you waiting for, nitwits?
21
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:01,126
-We don't have any sand around here.
-Soil works, too.
22
00:01:01,209 --> 00:01:03,501
Ah, the wonders of construction…
23
00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:06,918
The pay may be really shitty,
but at least it pays the bills.
24
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:10,293
Shame that lately we've had as many gigs
as Domino has brain cells.
25
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,793
Is it any wonder? They're afraid
of showing up around here
26
00:01:12,876 --> 00:01:15,001
after what happened
at the last mission at the club.
27
00:01:15,084 --> 00:01:16,959
We've killed a few hundred
of those demons.
28
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:18,418
Though we did kind of screw up
29
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,959
charging just 200
for the whole bunch of evil creeps.
30
00:01:21,043 --> 00:01:22,084
You know what I'm thinking?
31
00:01:22,168 --> 00:01:23,876
We should've just asked for 200 a head.
32
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,626
We'd have gotten 200 times a few hundred,
which is a lot more.
33
00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:27,543
Good idea!
34
00:01:27,626 --> 00:01:30,251
In fact, we should be trying
to make a really solid deal
35
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:31,918
with one of those horned jerks from Hell.
36
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,334
He could be going to haunt homes
37
00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:36,168
and then,
we could go perform an “exorcism”
38
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:38,293
with blank bullets
and then rake in the easy cash.
39
00:01:38,376 --> 00:01:41,751
Yeah, but where do we find
a moron like that?
40
00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:44,459
-[dramatic music plays]
-Mmm.
41
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:46,918
What?
42
00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:50,459
VETERINARIAN
43
00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:52,043
[thunder rumbling]
44
00:01:56,543 --> 00:01:59,584
Have you ever-ever wondered,
you foolish little furball,
45
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:03,293
what your nuts would say
if they were able to speak, kitty?
46
00:02:04,043 --> 00:02:05,293
No idea?
47
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,709
So, I’m gonna tell you.
48
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,168
They'd be silent as a grave
because silence is golden!
49
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:12,126
This is why I'm talking like crazy,
50
00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:13,834
because when a fool
gives the right advice,
51
00:02:13,918 --> 00:02:15,293
a smart man listens.
52
00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:17,376
Sometimes I happen to say something
that makes sense.
53
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:19,876
All right.
Did you just say goodbye to your nuts?
54
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,876
That's what I thought, pussy.
Let's go right now!
55
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,918
-[cat screeching]
-You!
56
00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:26,876
[groans] Let go, you little demon!
57
00:02:26,959 --> 00:02:28,043
-[grunts]
-[cat hissing]
58
00:02:28,126 --> 00:02:31,376
If you think that pissed me off,
then you're very mistaken.
59
00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:34,543
I was already pissed off, to begin with!
60
00:02:34,626 --> 00:02:36,043
-[grunts]
-[cat screeching]
61
00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:37,168
[hissing]
62
00:02:37,709 --> 00:02:39,376
There's something odd going on.
63
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:43,459
What’s in that storage space that's
making you run as if you saw a demon?
64
00:02:43,543 --> 00:02:44,459
[door creaking]
65
00:02:44,543 --> 00:02:46,793
-[ominous music plays]
-Oh fuck, it's a demon!
66
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,043
[roaring]
67
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,668
Beg for mercy, mortal garbage…
68
00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:53,293
Oh, wait. Let me use
a different voice. [clears throat]
69
00:02:53,376 --> 00:02:55,918
[in demonic voice]
Beg for mercy, mortal garbage-
70
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:56,918
Fu…
71
00:02:57,001 --> 00:02:58,043
Oh, fucking hell.
72
00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,126
[snoring]
73
00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:02,334
[veterinarian] Sweet bearded Jesus.
74
00:03:02,418 --> 00:03:03,293
What’s that?
75
00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:06,168
Could be a wolf, but it's got a face
like a big fat ugly pig.
76
00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:08,043
Okay, let's quickly get the euthanizer,
77
00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:10,709
'cause with that cat dosage of a roofie
he’ll be waking up soon.
78
00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:12,709
But after this injection
79
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,709
you ain’t ever waking up…
80
00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:17,293
-[glass shattering]
-[Boner] Hold up!
81
00:03:17,376 --> 00:03:18,501
What?
82
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:25,293
CHEAP LAWN MOWING!
83
00:03:25,376 --> 00:03:26,626
What do you mean it didn't work?
84
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:29,751
Well, unfortunately,
not only did we not make any money,
85
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,834
we had to give him 50 zloty
for the broken-down door.
86
00:03:32,918 --> 00:03:34,709
Yeah, the plan was almost good.
87
00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:36,293
We'll just keep trying.
88
00:03:36,376 --> 00:03:37,876
We're not going to change anything
89
00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:41,251
other than staying far-far away
from anyone who works with syringes.
90
00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:45,501
MINI LAS VEGAS
24H CAFE
91
00:03:45,584 --> 00:03:48,084
-[van clanking]
-[brakes screeching]
92
00:03:48,668 --> 00:03:49,918
[Boner] Okay, we're here.
93
00:03:50,668 --> 00:03:52,459
Marcinek, you first.
94
00:03:52,543 --> 00:03:54,543
CASH REGISTER
95
00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:56,001
Hello. Brochures.
96
00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,001
And goodbye.
97
00:03:57,084 --> 00:03:59,168
"Offering demon control services,
98
00:03:59,668 --> 00:04:03,418
and combating unholy spirits
and incarnations of all kinds."
99
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:04,668
"Low cost."
100
00:04:04,751 --> 00:04:07,459
Get the fuck out of here
with all that junk!
101
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:09,709
[thrilling music playing]
102
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,293
[thuds]
103
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,209
[chiming]
104
00:04:14,293 --> 00:04:18,376
All right, my sweet little guy, I'm sorry.
I won't hit you anymore, I promise.
105
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,293
I got a little carried away.
106
00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:21,543
-And boom!
-[thuds]
107
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:23,876
[chiming]
108
00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:24,959
[sighs]
109
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:27,459
Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry.
110
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:30,334
All right, you can have it your way.
111
00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:34,709
This time instead of a metal washer
I'll put in an actual fucking coin!
112
00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:37,376
[thuds]
113
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,084
[chiming]
114
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,793
-[fanfare playing]
-Huh.
115
00:04:41,501 --> 00:04:44,543
-[chiming]
-[coins clinking]
116
00:04:44,626 --> 00:04:47,001
Hey, what's going on here?
117
00:04:47,084 --> 00:04:50,459
A lame prize for a lame, dickless guy!
118
00:04:50,543 --> 00:04:52,834
Oh crap. A demon!
119
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,001
[whimpering]
120
00:04:55,084 --> 00:04:56,084
[door slams]
121
00:04:59,251 --> 00:05:00,209
[door slams]
122
00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:02,084
[rain pattering]
123
00:05:02,918 --> 00:05:04,209
[phone ringing]
124
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:05,834
Hello?
125
00:05:06,418 --> 00:05:07,876
Yes, sir, you got that right.
126
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,543
Yes, 200 złoty.
127
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,876
Unless you want an invoice,
then it'll be more.
128
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,793
Oh, whoa, look,
what a serendipitous coincidence.
129
00:05:15,876 --> 00:05:18,334
It just so happens,
out of sheer dumb luck.
130
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,209
that I'm already in the area.
131
00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:23,584
-Hey there.
-Hello.
132
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,709
[Domino] I will kill everyone!
133
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,959
With God as my witness, I will kill you!
134
00:05:29,043 --> 00:05:31,209
[roaring]
135
00:05:31,293 --> 00:05:32,793
[whispers] The demon is in the casino.
136
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:36,126
No need to worry. We'll take care
of that nasty demon in no time.
137
00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:38,376
[tense music playing]
138
00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:43,043
Oh no, what have we here?
139
00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:46,043
-Get your hands up, you abomination!
-[Domino in demonic voice] Ha, ha!
140
00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:48,876
Get screwed with a dick
the length of Poland!
141
00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:51,709
Then prepare yourself
for a painful death, mortal. [coughs]
142
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:54,126
[in normal voice] Pardon. It's hard
to keep doing that voice.
143
00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:55,043
[clears throat]
144
00:05:55,126 --> 00:05:56,209
[in demonic voice] Mortal!
145
00:05:56,293 --> 00:05:57,376
Watch out. I'm shooting.
146
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,084
Oh damn, what are you doing, boss?
147
00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:02,126
Unclench your butthole, idiot.
These are blanks!
148
00:06:02,209 --> 00:06:04,209
[Boner] Give up, you don't stand a chance!
149
00:06:04,293 --> 00:06:05,334
[gun firing]
150
00:06:05,418 --> 00:06:07,709
[Domino roaring]
151
00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:09,668
[gun fires]
152
00:06:11,876 --> 00:06:14,293
Okay, I'm finished. That'll be 200 zloty.
153
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,709
[Domino] Victory! [laughs]
154
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:23,084
It's too bad you lost all of our pay
playing the slots, boss.
155
00:06:23,168 --> 00:06:25,084
Not to mention the twenty
you borrowed from me.
156
00:06:25,168 --> 00:06:28,251
Okay, first of all, I didn't "borrow"
from you, you gave it to me.
157
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:29,751
What do you mean I gave it to you?
158
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:32,459
And second of all,
we'll cover our losses soon, okay?
159
00:06:32,543 --> 00:06:33,709
The plan is good.
160
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,584
We're not changing anything
other than staying far, far away
161
00:06:36,668 --> 00:06:38,501
from anyone who works with syringes.
162
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:40,293
Or with any slot machines.
163
00:06:40,876 --> 00:06:42,876
[crickets chirping]
164
00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:47,043
[van approaching]
165
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:49,793
[van door opens, closes]
166
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,459
Finally, you're here, gentlemen.
Oh, thank God.
167
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:54,459
How long can you make me wait?
We said 7:00 p.m.!
168
00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,376
Don't be so dramatic. It's only five past.
169
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,543
Exactly.
170
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,334
I'd have offered you a round of shots,
171
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,376
but since you were so late,
I had to fill my time somehow.
172
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,001
Damn, you should have said so!
173
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:06,376
Okay, let's go get that demon.
Lead the way.
174
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,918
Oh no! You don't! I'm not risking my life.
175
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:10,876
As long as the evil demon's back there,
176
00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:12,793
I'm not going to go behind the barn.
177
00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:14,126
That's why I'm paying you.
178
00:07:14,209 --> 00:07:16,043
Well, in that case, then…
179
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:17,918
Let's go and make some money!
180
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,501
Marcinek! Move out.
181
00:07:25,918 --> 00:07:28,001
Oh, check it out, manroots.
182
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:29,084
Wise choice.
183
00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,709
Although inedible to humans,
184
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:33,293
swine are not so picky
and will eat them when they're hungry.
185
00:07:33,376 --> 00:07:35,209
Look, boss, the mammoth kind.
186
00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:37,626
Trust me,
I know my way around bulbous beets.
187
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,418
The large, shaft-shaped root,
188
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,626
the long fleshy, hypocotyl-tuber,
189
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:44,043
a much higher harvest yield
compared to the sugar beet,
190
00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:46,834
and while the quality
is ultimately and surprisingly worse,
191
00:07:46,918 --> 00:07:48,543
a much juicier water content.
192
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,751
Marcinek, they're paying us
to fuck up a demon,
193
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,751
not to fuck around
with some fucking beets.
194
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:53,709
There he is.
195
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,668
Mmm, these manroots are really delicious.
196
00:07:57,751 --> 00:08:01,126
The ones with the crunchy raisins
are best. [munching]
197
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:02,501
Those are bugs, you dick head.
198
00:08:02,584 --> 00:08:04,084
Put your goddamn hands up!
199
00:08:04,168 --> 00:08:06,084
Those are bugs? Really? [clears throat]
200
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,293
[in demonic voice] Ha, ha!
201
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,334
I can only put one hand up in the air.
202
00:08:09,418 --> 00:08:10,793
The other one is occupied
203
00:08:10,876 --> 00:08:14,376
because I'm going to kill you
with my middle finger up my ass!
204
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:16,251
I warned you, asshole!
205
00:08:16,334 --> 00:08:17,876
Don't worry, they're blanks.
206
00:08:18,626 --> 00:08:19,709
[screaming]
207
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:22,668
Oh, such pain!
As if someone put a strap-on in my--
208
00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,084
Shut your mouth, you moron,
and lie down on the ground!
209
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,834
Marcinek, bring the blood around!
210
00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:32,043
Grześ, we're all done, sir!
211
00:08:32,126 --> 00:08:34,459
[panting]
212
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,959
Where is it? Where is the monstrosity?
213
00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,709
Right here!
Now, pay up the reward as we discussed.
214
00:08:39,793 --> 00:08:41,168
What are you talking about?
215
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:44,043
I could have dealt with a little lizard
like that with just my pitchfork.
216
00:08:44,126 --> 00:08:46,043
I was talking about that piss rag!
217
00:08:47,876 --> 00:08:51,126
Oh, holy shit, it's the Antichristosaurus!
218
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:54,376
Which insignificant humans
dares to disturb my meal?
219
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,793
Take this, assholes!
I'mma hit you with a beet, bitch!
220
00:08:56,876 --> 00:08:57,751
[grunts]
221
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,376
Boss, shoot him already!
222
00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:02,168
I can't. I only have blanks in this gun.
But don't you worry about it.
223
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,293
I'm going to try to beat this demon
at his own game!
224
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,918
You little…
225
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:09,126
[laughs] What a moron.
226
00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:11,709
He threw away the best one.
The one with raisins.
227
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:14,543
[munching] So delicious.
228
00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:18,876
Now let me show you a trick I call
Total and Complete Hell on Earth!
229
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:23,126
Oh damn! Oh crap! Oh crap!
We're fucking finished. [screams]
230
00:09:23,209 --> 00:09:24,459
[laughs]
231
00:09:24,543 --> 00:09:29,126
If it isn't my favorite meal of all time!
Wieners with a side of beets!
232
00:09:29,209 --> 00:09:30,376
[Boner] Retreat!
233
00:09:30,459 --> 00:09:33,501
To the van! We need to get real ammo!
234
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,293
[laughs] Are you surprised?
235
00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:41,209
I’m as fast as a Bugatti, motherfuckers!
236
00:09:41,293 --> 00:09:44,084
Though sometimes I really wish
I didn't have that power.
237
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,293
If you catch my drift.
238
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,418
But I'm not fucking around
right now, assholes!
239
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:48,959
Here comes another one of my tricks!
240
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,959
Evil Hailstorm!
241
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:52,959
[Boner] To the barn!
242
00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:54,418
[laughs]
243
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:57,543
Run away, run away.
It won't help you anyway.
244
00:09:57,626 --> 00:10:00,709
I'm about to do my nunchuck trick,
that'll make you shit your pants
245
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,543
if you know what I mean, bitches! Ouch!
246
00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:05,209
Let me just turn off the hail first.
Ouch! Crap!
247
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:07,043
What have you done?
248
00:10:07,126 --> 00:10:09,501
Why the hell did I even call you
to begin with?
249
00:10:09,584 --> 00:10:11,459
Don't worry about that idiot.
I'll figure something out.
250
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,376
Got it.
251
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:14,334
-Domino!
-Please, not right now, boss.
252
00:10:14,418 --> 00:10:16,959
My stomach hurts so bad,
it's awful. [groaning]
253
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,793
Figure something out, boss!
254
00:10:18,876 --> 00:10:20,293
It's coming!
255
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:21,543
Finally.
256
00:10:21,626 --> 00:10:23,668
Sorry, you had to wait so long this time.
257
00:10:23,751 --> 00:10:25,959
I got a little carried away
with my tricks.
258
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,668
[screaming] Oh, I'm dying-dying.
259
00:10:28,751 --> 00:10:30,876
-[crashing]
-Hello. May I?
260
00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,376
Check this out!
Shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo!
261
00:10:33,459 --> 00:10:35,668
Ouch! Damn it, fine, enough showing off.
262
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:36,709
Goodbye now!
263
00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:38,168
-[stomach growling]
-Ouch! Ow! Damn.
264
00:10:38,251 --> 00:10:39,334
Ooh, it hurts so much.
265
00:10:39,418 --> 00:10:41,626
[groaning]
266
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,959
-Okay, Marcinek, now!
-[groaning]
267
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,584
-Now what?
-Now nothing.
268
00:10:45,668 --> 00:10:48,876
By the time I explain it to you,
I'll have done it three times already.
269
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:50,959
-[engine starts]
-[Domino crying in pain]
270
00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:56,126
[screaming]
271
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:58,626
Phew! We survived.
272
00:10:58,709 --> 00:11:00,084
Hey, Domino, are you okay?
273
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,876
You jerk, does it look like I'm okay?
274
00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:03,126
[groaning]
275
00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:06,334
Why would anyone on earth
willingly eat raw manroots?
276
00:11:06,418 --> 00:11:08,376
With itchy bugs, no less!
277
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,418
THE END
278
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,501
[in Polish]
♪ Exorcist for less than three hundred ♪
279
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:14,543
♪ Actually, it's two hundred
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more ♪
280
00:11:14,626 --> 00:11:17,459
♪ Watch it, Beelzebutt
You're gonna get your ass kicked ♪
281
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:20,709
♪ Watch it, Buttcifer
He's aiming at you ♪
282
00:11:20,793 --> 00:11:26,084
[malevolent laugh]