1
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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

2
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:18,709
All right, morons. Pop quiz.
Which one of you guys is going to tell me

3
00:00:18,793 --> 00:00:20,918
if I can add some sand in
with this here plastering mix?

4
00:00:21,001 --> 00:00:21,876
ANTICHRISTOSAURUS

5
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:23,459
You can.

6
00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:25,459
What does the other moron say?

7
00:00:26,084 --> 00:00:27,709
Well, for me, I'm gonna say you can't.

8
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:31,626
Neither the first moron nor the second
idiot-moron were even remotely correct.

9
00:00:31,709 --> 00:00:33,418
Can you add sand to plaster?

10
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:37,043
Correct answer to the question is,
it depends, you morons!

11
00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:38,376
On who you're working for.

12
00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:41,418
If you're working for yourself,
then you better fucking not,

13
00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:43,043
because you'd mess up the plaster.

14
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,793
It's a whole different matter
if it's for some other loser.

15
00:00:45,876 --> 00:00:47,418
It’s actually recommended.

16
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:50,959
That way, we save money on materials
while also cheating the customer

17
00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:52,334
at the same time.

18
00:00:52,418 --> 00:00:55,376
So in this situation,
should we add the sand or not?

19
00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:58,043
-I think we should.
-So what are you waiting for, nitwits?

20
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:01,126
-We don't have any sand around here.
-Soil works, too.

21
00:01:01,209 --> 00:01:03,501
Ah, the wonders of construction…

22
00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:06,918
The pay may be really shitty,
but at least it pays the bills.

23
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:10,293
Shame that lately we've had as many gigs
as Domino has brain cells.

24
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,793
Is it any wonder? They're afraid
of showing up around here

25
00:01:12,876 --> 00:01:15,001
after what happened
at the last mission at the club.

26
00:01:15,084 --> 00:01:16,959
We've killed a few hundred
of those demons.

27
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:18,418
Though we did kind of screw up

28
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charging just 200
for the whole bunch of evil creeps.

29
00:01:21,043 --> 00:01:22,084
You know what I'm thinking?

30
00:01:22,168 --> 00:01:23,876
We should've just asked for 200 a head.

31
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,626
We'd have gotten 200 times a few hundred,
which is a lot more.

32
00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:27,543
Good idea!

33
00:01:27,626 --> 00:01:30,251
In fact, we should be trying
to make a really solid deal

34
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:31,918
with one of those horned jerks from Hell.

35
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,334
He could be going to haunt homes

36
00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:36,168
and then,
we could go perform an “exorcism”

37
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:38,293
with blank bullets
and then rake in the easy cash.

38
00:01:38,376 --> 00:01:41,751
Yeah, but where do we find
a moron like that?

39
00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:44,459
Mmm.

40
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:46,918
What?

41
00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:50,459
VETERINARIAN

42
00:01:56,543 --> 00:01:59,584
Have you ever-ever wondered,
you foolish little furball,

43
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:03,293
what your nuts would say
if they were able to speak, kitty?

44
00:02:04,043 --> 00:02:05,293
No idea?

45
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,709
So, I’m gonna tell you.

46
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,168
They'd be silent as a grave
because silence is golden!

47
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:12,126
This is why I'm talking like crazy,

48
00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:13,834
because when a fool
gives the right advice,

49
00:02:13,918 --> 00:02:15,293
a smart man listens.

50
00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:17,376
Sometimes I happen to say something
that makes sense.

51
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:19,876
All right.
Did you just say goodbye to your nuts?

52
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,876
That's what I thought, pussy.
Let's go right now!

53
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,918
You!

54
00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:26,876
Let go, you little demon!

55
00:02:28,126 --> 00:02:31,376
If you think that pissed me off,
then you're very mistaken.

56
00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:34,543
I was already pissed off, to begin with!

57
00:02:37,709 --> 00:02:39,376
There's something odd going on.

58
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:43,459
What’s in that storage space that's
making you run as if you saw a demon?

59
00:02:44,543 --> 00:02:46,793
Oh fuck, it's a demon!

60
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,668
Beg for mercy, mortal garbage…

61
00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:53,293
Oh, wait. Let me use
a different voice.

62
00:02:53,376 --> 00:02:55,918
Beg for mercy, mortal garbage-

63
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:56,918
Fu…

64
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Oh, fucking hell.

65
00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:02,334
Sweet bearded Jesus.

66
00:03:02,418 --> 00:03:03,293
What’s that?

67
00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:06,168
Could be a wolf, but it's got a face
like a big fat ugly pig.

68
00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:08,043
Okay, let's quickly get the euthanizer,

69
00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:10,709
'cause with that cat dosage of a roofie
he’ll be waking up soon.

70
00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:12,709
But after this injection

71
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,709
you ain’t ever waking up…

72
00:03:15,793 --> 00:03:17,293
Hold up!

73
00:03:17,376 --> 00:03:18,501
What?

74
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:25,293
CHEAP LAWN MOWING!

75
00:03:25,376 --> 00:03:26,626
What do you mean it didn't work?

76
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:29,751
Well, unfortunately,
not only did we not make any money,

77
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,834
we had to give him 50 zloty
for the broken-down door.

78
00:03:32,918 --> 00:03:34,709
Yeah, the plan was almost good.

79
00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:36,293
We'll just keep trying.

80
00:03:36,376 --> 00:03:37,876
We're not going to change anything

81
00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:41,251
other than staying far-far away
from anyone who works with syringes.

82
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MINI LAS VEGAS
24H CAFE

83
00:03:48,668 --> 00:03:49,918
Okay, we're here.

84
00:03:50,668 --> 00:03:52,459
Marcinek, you first.

85
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CASH REGISTER

86
00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:56,001
Hello. Brochures.

87
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And goodbye.

88
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"Offering demon control services,

89
00:03:59,668 --> 00:04:03,418
and combating unholy spirits
and incarnations of all kinds."

90
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:04,668
"Low cost."

91
00:04:04,751 --> 00:04:07,459
Get the fuck out of here
with all that junk!

92
00:04:14,293 --> 00:04:18,376
All right, my sweet little guy, I'm sorry.
I won't hit you anymore, I promise.

93
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,293
I got a little carried away.

94
00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:21,543
And boom!

95
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:27,459
Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry.

96
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:30,334
All right, you can have it your way.

97
00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:34,709
This time instead of a metal washer
I'll put in an actual fucking coin!

98
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,793
Huh.

99
00:04:44,626 --> 00:04:47,001
Hey, what's going on here?

100
00:04:47,084 --> 00:04:50,459
A lame prize for a lame, dickless guy!

101
00:04:50,543 --> 00:04:52,834
Oh crap. A demon!

102
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:05,834
Hello?

103
00:05:06,418 --> 00:05:07,876
Yes, sir, you got that right.

104
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,543
Yes, 200 złoty.

105
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,876
Unless you want an invoice,
then it'll be more.

106
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,793
Oh, whoa, look,
what a serendipitous coincidence.

107
00:05:15,876 --> 00:05:18,334
It just so happens,
out of sheer dumb luck.

108
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,209
that I'm already in the area.

109
00:05:22,709 --> 00:05:23,584
-Hey there.
-Hello.

110
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,709
I will kill everyone!

111
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,959
With God as my witness, I will kill you!

112
00:05:31,293 --> 00:05:32,793
The demon is in the casino.

113
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:36,126
No need to worry. We'll take care
of that nasty demon in no time.

114
00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:43,043
Oh no, what have we here?

115
00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:46,043
-Get your hands up, you abomination!
-Ha, ha!

116
00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:48,876
Get screwed with a dick
the length of Poland!

117
00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:51,709
Then prepare yourself
for a painful death, mortal.

118
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:54,126
Pardon. It's hard
to keep doing that voice.

119
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Mortal!

120
00:05:56,293 --> 00:05:57,376
Watch out. I'm shooting.

121
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,084
Oh damn, what are you doing, boss?

122
00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:02,126
Unclench your butthole, idiot.
These are blanks!

123
00:06:02,209 --> 00:06:04,209
Give up, you don't stand a chance!

124
00:06:11,876 --> 00:06:14,293
Okay, I'm finished. That'll be 200 zloty.

125
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,709
Victory!

126
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:23,084
It's too bad you lost all of our pay
playing the slots, boss.

127
00:06:23,168 --> 00:06:25,084
Not to mention the twenty
you borrowed from me.

128
00:06:25,168 --> 00:06:28,251
Okay, first of all, I didn't "borrow"
from you, you gave it to me.

129
00:06:28,334 --> 00:06:29,751
What do you mean I gave it to you?

130
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:32,459
And second of all,
we'll cover our losses soon, okay?

131
00:06:32,543 --> 00:06:33,709
The plan is good.

132
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,584
We're not changing anything
other than staying far, far away

133
00:06:36,668 --> 00:06:38,501
from anyone who works with syringes.

134
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:40,293
Or with any slot machines.

135
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,459
Finally, you're here, gentlemen.
Oh, thank God.

136
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:54,459
How long can you make me wait?
We said 7:00 p.m.!

137
00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,376
Don't be so dramatic. It's only five past.

138
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,543
Exactly.

139
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,334
I'd have offered you a round of shots,

140
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,376
but since you were so late,
I had to fill my time somehow.

141
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,001
Damn, you should have said so!

142
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:06,376
Okay, let's go get that demon.
Lead the way.

143
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,918
Oh no! You don't! I'm not risking my life.

144
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:10,876
As long as the evil demon's back there,

145
00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:12,793
I'm not going to go behind the barn.

146
00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:14,126
That's why I'm paying you.

147
00:07:14,209 --> 00:07:16,043
Well, in that case, then…

148
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:17,918
Let's go and make some money!

149
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,501
Marcinek! Move out.

150
00:07:25,918 --> 00:07:28,001
Oh, check it out, manroots.

151
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:29,084
Wise choice.

152
00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,709
Although inedible to humans,

153
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:33,293
swine are not so picky
and will eat them when they're hungry.

154
00:07:33,376 --> 00:07:35,209
Look, boss, the mammoth kind.

155
00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:37,626
Trust me,
I know my way around bulbous beets.

156
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,418
The large, shaft-shaped root,

157
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,626
the long fleshy, hypocotyl-tuber,

158
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:44,043
a much higher harvest yield
compared to the sugar beet,

159
00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:46,834
and while the quality
is ultimately and surprisingly worse,

160
00:07:46,918 --> 00:07:48,543
a much juicier water content.

161
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:50,751
Marcinek, they're paying us
to fuck up a demon,

162
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,751
not to fuck around
with some fucking beets.

163
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:53,709
There he is.

164
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,668
Mmm, these manroots are really delicious.

165
00:07:57,751 --> 00:08:01,126
The ones with the crunchy raisins
are best.

166
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:02,501
Those are bugs, you dick head.

167
00:08:02,584 --> 00:08:04,084
Put your goddamn hands up!

168
00:08:04,168 --> 00:08:06,084
Those are bugs? Really?

169
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,293
Ha, ha!

170
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,334
I can only put one hand up in the air.

171
00:08:09,418 --> 00:08:10,793
The other one is occupied

172
00:08:10,876 --> 00:08:14,376
because I'm going to kill you
with my middle finger up my ass!

173
00:08:14,459 --> 00:08:16,251
I warned you, asshole!

174
00:08:16,334 --> 00:08:17,876
Don't worry, they're blanks.

175
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:22,668
Oh, such pain!
As if someone put a strap-on in my--

176
00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:25,084
Shut your mouth, you moron,
and lie down on the ground!

177
00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,834
Marcinek, bring the blood around!

178
00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:32,043
Grześ, we're all done, sir!

179
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,959
Where is it? Where is the monstrosity?

180
00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,709
Right here!
Now, pay up the reward as we discussed.

181
00:08:39,793 --> 00:08:41,168
What are you talking about?

182
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:44,043
I could have dealt with a little lizard
like that with just my pitchfork.

183
00:08:44,126 --> 00:08:46,043
I was talking about that piss rag!

184
00:08:47,876 --> 00:08:51,126
Oh, holy shit, it's the Antichristosaurus!

185
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:54,376
Which insignificant humans
dares to disturb my meal?

186
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,793
Take this, assholes!
I'mma hit you with a beet, bitch!

187
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,376
Boss, shoot him already!

188
00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:02,168
I can't. I only have blanks in this gun.
But don't you worry about it.

189
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,293
I'm going to try to beat this demon
at his own game!

190
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,918
You little…

191
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:09,126
What a moron.

192
00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:11,709
He threw away the best one.
The one with raisins.

193
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:14,543
So delicious.

194
00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:18,876
Now let me show you a trick I call
Total and Complete Hell on Earth!

195
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:23,126
Oh damn! Oh crap! Oh crap!
We're fucking finished.

196
00:09:24,543 --> 00:09:29,126
If it isn't my favorite meal of all time!
Wieners with a side of beets!

197
00:09:29,209 --> 00:09:30,376
Retreat!

198
00:09:30,459 --> 00:09:33,501
To the van! We need to get real ammo!

199
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,293
Are you surprised?

200
00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:41,209
I’m as fast as a Bugatti, motherfuckers!

201
00:09:41,293 --> 00:09:44,084
Though sometimes I really wish
I didn't have that power.

202
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,293
If you catch my drift.

203
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,418
But I'm not fucking around
right now, assholes!

204
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:48,959
Here comes another one of my tricks!

205
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,959
Evil Hailstorm!

206
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:52,959
To the barn!

207
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:57,543
Run away, run away.
It won't help you anyway.

208
00:09:57,626 --> 00:10:00,709
I'm about to do my nunchuck trick,
that'll make you shit your pants

209
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,543
if you know what I mean, bitches! Ouch!

210
00:10:02,626 --> 00:10:05,209
Let me just turn off the hail first.
Ouch! Crap!

211
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:07,043
What have you done?

212
00:10:07,126 --> 00:10:09,501
Why the hell did I even call you
to begin with?

213
00:10:09,584 --> 00:10:11,459
Don't worry about that idiot.
I'll figure something out.

214
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,376
Got it.

215
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:14,334
-Domino!
-Please, not right now, boss.

216
00:10:14,418 --> 00:10:16,959
My stomach hurts so bad,
it's awful.

217
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,793
Figure something out, boss!

218
00:10:18,876 --> 00:10:20,293
It's coming!

219
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:21,543
Finally.

220
00:10:21,626 --> 00:10:23,668
Sorry, you had to wait so long this time.

221
00:10:23,751 --> 00:10:25,959
I got a little carried away
with my tricks.

222
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,668
Oh, I'm dying-dying.

223
00:10:28,751 --> 00:10:30,876
Hello. May I?

224
00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,376
Check this out!
Shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo!

225
00:10:33,459 --> 00:10:35,668
Ouch! Damn it, fine, enough showing off.

226
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:36,709
Goodbye now!

227
00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:38,168
Ouch! Ow! Damn.

228
00:10:38,251 --> 00:10:39,334
Ooh, it hurts so much.

229
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,959
Okay, Marcinek, now!

230
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,584
-Now what?
-Now nothing.

231
00:10:45,668 --> 00:10:48,876
By the time I explain it to you,
I'll have done it three times already.

232
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:58,626
Phew! We survived.

233
00:10:58,709 --> 00:11:00,084
Hey, Domino, are you okay?

234
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,876
You jerk, does it look like I'm okay?

235
00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:06,334
Why would anyone on earth
willingly eat raw manroots?

236
00:11:06,418 --> 00:11:08,376
With itchy bugs, no less!

237
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,418
THE END