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A NETFLIX SERIES
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PROFESSOR FART VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D!
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Did you like the movie, Mariola?
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Yes, but the 3D glasses made me feel sick.
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'Cause glasses aren't edible.
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I guess eating two bags of popcorn
didn't help either.
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PROFESSOR FART VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D
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Fuck, Miras, that was fucking amazing!
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Damn, not only did Professor Fart
defeat Super Creature with science,
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but it's all in 3D!
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And when he was putting
that plasma torch in his ass,
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I felt like I was there.
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Absolutely!
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And when the dick-shaped zombie monkeys
popped out, I thought I'd piss myself.
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Luckily, I peed behind the seat earlier.
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Best spent zero zloty in my life.
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So, are we going tomorrow too?
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Buba, the same movie six days in a row?
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Of course we're going!
Now back to hell. If the boss notices
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we took the gates without asking,
he'll turn you-know-what into gates.
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Don't jinx it, or it will happen.
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You'll see, Mariolka.
If things go well, a few more years,
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and I'm gonna buy a car.
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-And then every lass will be mine!
-What?
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I mean, every lamp will be mine
since I'm a bad driver.
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Calm down. You'll be happy.
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-Are you lost?
-No, we're on our way, sir.
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Got a problem?
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I mean… Come, Mariolka…
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Ouch! Relax, guys, we can work this out.
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-One thing bothers me, Miras.
-Yeah?
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If the quark cannon is a million times
more powerful than the plasma torch,
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why didn't Professor Fart use it?
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That's easy. The quark cannon
wouldn't fit in Super Creature's ass.
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Wait, Miras.
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Look!
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Hey!
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Damn!
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Ouch!
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Buba, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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Yep. How does Super Creature smell
if, instead of a nose, it has a di--
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Not that. Let's hit the kid
with the devilish hypnosis
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like a hypno-possession
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so he can show them
where the devil says good evening.
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You won't make it. It's too far.
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That's why we'll do it together.
All right. One, two, three!
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Say goodbye to your teeth, nerd.
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First, say goodbye to your balls.
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You!
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Did you see that?
This is how it's done! One-shot!
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You need to try harder.
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He's not gonna make it now.
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Baseball bat plus a broken bottle
equals concussion and a cut face.
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You're forgetting that his brain
is temporarily disabled.
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You're gonna hurt him!
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That's the plan.
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It's a good thing you're unconscious.
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I'll leave a little souvenir on your face.
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Marcin, are you all right?
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EXORCIST OFFICE/BONER BUILDING SERVICES
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Well, where's this dumbass?
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Boss, come on, I'm here.
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I meant the other moron.
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Oh, Marcinek. Why don't you call him?
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I am.
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He's not answering.
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He's sleeping it off.
He had a date yesterday.
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Give me your phone, sir.
I know his girlfriend's number.
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-If you break it…
-Right.
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Hello?
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Hi, Mariola.
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Do you know where Marcin is?
We're waiting for him. He's late for work.
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-What?
-What?
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-What are you talking about!
-What?
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-Oh shit!
-Come on, tell me.
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Boss, you better sit down
and hold on to your hat.
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Yesterday on a date,
Marcin whupped four guys
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and took their wallets. Then he blew off
Mariolka and went on a vodka bender.
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No way!
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See, I told you that under my tutelage
he'd finally make it.
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All right, let's go to work.
He knows where to find us.
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-Get out. You're pushing.
-What? Again?
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Stop whining. It's only three kilometers.
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-Shouldn't he be muzzled?
-How'd he bite, then?
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Okay, tell me what's going on.
I don't have all day.
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I mean, I do,
so I'd like to put it to good use.
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Okay, I'll tell you everything,
just like in confession.
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You won't make heads or tails of it.
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It all started
two weeks ago with the barn.
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Something bad got into it.
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The cows got nervous.
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And the pigs… got nervous.
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At first, it seemed harmless.
They were just growling at each other.
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Like, "Moo… uck you!"
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"Oink… off!"
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Finally, it came to hand-to-hand combat.
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The cattle went for the pigs.
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And vice versa.
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The riots continued for several days.
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It calmed down when I separated them
with an electric fence.
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Then evil entered the cottage as well.
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The woman got mad.
I thought, "That's normal."
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Then the woman moved out to her mother.
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I thought, "Good riddance."
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But the friendly good spirit, Bey,
also moved out.
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He'd lived behind the stove
and brought us luck.
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And a subtle stench.
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You can't smell it
if you don't breathe through your nose.
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And the rat bastards everywhere!
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Rat-demons!
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Mr. Stasiu, I have good news.
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You have more luck than brains.
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That doesn't mean anything.
I wasn't the best in school.
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-Domino.
-Yes, boss?
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Get the demon poison out of the car
and spread it in the buildings.
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All right!
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They're not coming out.
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The poison's a bit weathered, that's why.
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So I spent 200 zloty for nothing?
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I hope so. No, wait.
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My stomach is about to explode.
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Damn, Łucjan, I told you
not to eat those pink balls.
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How can I not eat them
if they're delicious?
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So good! Oh, what a pain!
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You missed!
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Łucjan, did you just fart?
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-Yeah, why?
-Nothing, so did I.
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Ah, it hurts!
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Missed and missed.
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Missed and a duff shot.
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Fuck!
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Done. The curtilage is free of devils.
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Are you sure that's enough?
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If the boss says so,
it means that most likely,
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sometimes, with a bit of luck,
it could happen.
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Hey!
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For fuck's sake!
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Bey!
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Wow! What a smell!
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Don't breathe through your nose
if you want to live.
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Thank you, Mr. Bogdan.
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The good spirit is back!
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Happiness will come back to my house.
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Don't shit yourself. Got any beer?
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-Joker.
-Did I miss anything?
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It's okay, Marcinek.
The farm is cleared of pests.
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We'll see about that.
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What is he up to?
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FIRST COMMUNION FAVOR
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Fuck that, goodbye! I'm off
to bring good luck to Mini Las Vegas.
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To the owner, of course.
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What's happened?
153
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What did I do?
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You secularized the house.
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What? Oh no!
This is not what we agreed to.
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Gimme my money back!
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Retreat!
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Marcinek was under the influence
of some tempter from hell.
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What?
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Not a great one, since the effect
wore off the next day.
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But it looks like you're vulnerable
to possession and crap like that.
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Damn, that's it for me, then.
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Relax, you'll get vaccinated against hell,
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and in two weeks,
you'll be immune to demons
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like Domino is to knowledge.
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Is it safe?
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-What's that?
-Don't worry. It's a tested composition.
168
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Antichristosaur's venom plus vodka.
169
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I'm gonna regret… Ouch!
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-Yeah.
-Now what?
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Now, we have to wait a few minutes
to see if there are any side effects.
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What defects? I don't want any defects!
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Relax, Marcinek, this rarely happens.
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See? Nothing is happening.
175
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Boss, please take a look at the compass.
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Something is wrong.
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Super Creature!
178
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Something is seriously wrong!
179
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Boredom! I'm gonna kill out of boredom!
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Oh shit! Domino, get the rope!
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Marcin, relax! It's me, Domino!
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To the toilet!
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Dibs on the toilet!
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But I can go in the sink if need be.
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Ouch! Marcin, stop it!
You're gonna strangle us!
186
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Besides, I'm ticklish!
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You're gonna die!
188
00:11:05,959 --> 00:11:07,959
Or wait. Even better,
189
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you'll entertain me with jokes.
190
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-I don't know.
-With nothing if you pay enough!
191
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That's so funny!
192
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Although I don't really get it.
193
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Or this one.
194
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A sex addict walks into a shoe store.
195
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The salesman asks, "Can I help you?"
196
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"No, I'll jerk off myself."
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Good one! You can shit yourself laughing!
198
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Excuse me for a moment.
199
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Shit, I'm running out of jokes.
200
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:50,834
Boss, do these side effects last long?
201
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:52,001
Not long.
202
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A few days.
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THE END
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Exorcist for less than 300
205
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Actually, it's 200
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
206
00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:03,418
Watch it, Belzedup
You're gonna get your ass kicked
207
00:12:03,501 --> 00:12:06,543
Watch it, Dupcyper
He's aiming at you
208
00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:15,043
Subtitle translation by:
Agnieszka Czarnecka