A NETFLIX SERIES
PROFESSOR FART VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D!
Did you like the movie, Mariola?
Yes, but the 3D glasses made me feel sick.
'Cause glasses aren't edible.
I guess eating two bags of popcorn didn't help either.
PROFESSOR FART VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D
Fuck, Miras, that was fucking amazing!
Damn, not only did Professor Fart defeat Super Creature with science,
but it's all in 3D!
And when he was putting that plasma torch in his ass,
I felt like I was there.
Absolutely!
And when the dick-shaped zombie monkeys popped out, I thought I'd piss myself.
Luckily, I peed behind the seat earlier.
Best spent zero zloty in my life.
So, are we going tomorrow too?
Buba, the same movie six days in a row?
Of course we're going! Now back to hell. If the boss notices
we took the gates without asking, he'll turn you-know-what into gates.
Don't jinx it, or it will happen.
You'll see, Mariolka. If things go well, a few more years,
and I'm gonna buy a car.
-And then every lass will be mine! -What?
I mean, every lamp will be mine since I'm a bad driver.
Calm down. You'll be happy.
-Are you lost? -No, we're on our way, sir.
Got a problem?
I mean… Come, Mariolka…
Ouch! Relax, guys, we can work this out.
-One thing bothers me, Miras. -Yeah?
If the quark cannon is a million times more powerful than the plasma torch,
why didn't Professor Fart use it?
That's easy. The quark cannon wouldn't fit in Super Creature's ass.
Wait, Miras.
Look!
Hey!
Damn!
Ouch!
Buba, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yep. How does Super Creature smell if, instead of a nose, it has a di--
Not that. Let's hit the kid with the devilish hypnosis
like a hypno-possession
so he can show them where the devil says good evening.
You won't make it. It's too far.
That's why we'll do it together. All right. One, two, three!
Say goodbye to your teeth, nerd.
First, say goodbye to your balls.
You!
Did you see that? This is how it's done! One-shot!
You need to try harder.
He's not gonna make it now.
Baseball bat plus a broken bottle equals concussion and a cut face.
You're forgetting that his brain is temporarily disabled.
You're gonna hurt him!
That's the plan.
It's a good thing you're unconscious.
I'll leave a little souvenir on your face.
Marcin, are you all right?
EXORCIST OFFICE/BONER BUILDING SERVICES
Well, where's this dumbass?
Boss, come on, I'm here.
I meant the other moron.
Oh, Marcinek. Why don't you call him?
I am.
He's not answering.
He's sleeping it off. He had a date yesterday.
Give me your phone, sir. I know his girlfriend's number.
-If you break it… -Right.
Hello?
Hi, Mariola.
Do you know where Marcin is? We're waiting for him. He's late for work.
-What? -What?
-What are you talking about! -What?
-Oh shit! -Come on, tell me.
Boss, you better sit down and hold on to your hat.
Yesterday on a date, Marcin whupped four guys
and took their wallets. Then he blew off Mariolka and went on a vodka bender.
No way!
See, I told you that under my tutelage he'd finally make it.
All right, let's go to work. He knows where to find us.
-Get out. You're pushing. -What? Again?
Stop whining. It's only three kilometers.
-Shouldn't he be muzzled? -How'd he bite, then?
Okay, tell me what's going on. I don't have all day.
I mean, I do, so I'd like to put it to good use.
Okay, I'll tell you everything, just like in confession.
You won't make heads or tails of it.
It all started two weeks ago with the barn.
Something bad got into it.
The cows got nervous.
And the pigs… got nervous.
At first, it seemed harmless. They were just growling at each other.
Like, "Moo… uck you!"
"Oink… off!"
Finally, it came to hand-to-hand combat.
The cattle went for the pigs.
And vice versa.
The riots continued for several days.
It calmed down when I separated them with an electric fence.
Then evil entered the cottage as well.
The woman got mad. I thought, "That's normal."
Then the woman moved out to her mother.
I thought, "Good riddance."
But the friendly good spirit, Bey, also moved out.
He'd lived behind the stove and brought us luck.
And a subtle stench.
You can't smell it if you don't breathe through your nose.
And the rat bastards everywhere!
Rat-demons!
Mr. Stasiu, I have good news.
You have more luck than brains.
That doesn't mean anything. I wasn't the best in school.
-Domino. -Yes, boss?
Get the demon poison out of the car and spread it in the buildings.
All right!
They're not coming out.
The poison's a bit weathered, that's why.
So I spent 200 zloty for nothing?
I hope so. No, wait.
My stomach is about to explode.
Damn, Łucjan, I told you not to eat those pink balls.
How can I not eat them if they're delicious?
So good! Oh, what a pain!
You missed!
Łucjan, did you just fart?
-Yeah, why? -Nothing, so did I.
Ah, it hurts!
Missed and missed.
Missed and a duff shot.
Fuck!
Done. The curtilage is free of devils.
Are you sure that's enough?
If the boss says so, it means that most likely,
sometimes, with a bit of luck, it could happen.
Hey!
For fuck's sake!
Bey!
Wow! What a smell!
Don't breathe through your nose if you want to live.
Thank you, Mr. Bogdan.
The good spirit is back!
Happiness will come back to my house.
Don't shit yourself. Got any beer?
-Joker. -Did I miss anything?
It's okay, Marcinek. The farm is cleared of pests.
We'll see about that.
What is he up to?
FIRST COMMUNION FAVOR
Fuck that, goodbye! I'm off to bring good luck to Mini Las Vegas.
To the owner, of course.
What's happened?
What did I do?
You secularized the house.
What? Oh no! This is not what we agreed to.
Gimme my money back!
Retreat!
Marcinek was under the influence of some tempter from hell.
What?
Not a great one, since the effect wore off the next day.
But it looks like you're vulnerable to possession and crap like that.
Damn, that's it for me, then.
Relax, you'll get vaccinated against hell,
and in two weeks, you'll be immune to demons
like Domino is to knowledge.
Is it safe?
-What's that? -Don't worry. It's a tested composition.
Antichristosaur's venom plus vodka.
I'm gonna regret… Ouch!
-Yeah. -Now what?
Now, we have to wait a few minutes to see if there are any side effects.
What defects? I don't want any defects!
Relax, Marcinek, this rarely happens.
See? Nothing is happening.
Boss, please take a look at the compass.
Something is wrong.
Super Creature!
Something is seriously wrong!
Boredom! I'm gonna kill out of boredom!
Oh shit! Domino, get the rope!
Marcin, relax! It's me, Domino!
To the toilet!
Dibs on the toilet!
But I can go in the sink if need be.
Ouch! Marcin, stop it! You're gonna strangle us!
Besides, I'm ticklish!
You're gonna die!
Or wait. Even better,
you'll entertain me with jokes.
-I don't know. -With nothing if you pay enough!
That's so funny!
Although I don't really get it.
Or this one.
A sex addict walks into a shoe store.
The salesman asks, "Can I help you?"
"No, I'll jerk off myself."
Good one! You can shit yourself laughing!
Excuse me for a moment.
Shit, I'm running out of jokes.
Boss, do these side effects last long?
Not long.
A few days.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka