1
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376
A NETFLIX SERIES

2
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:19,709
PROFESSOR FART
VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D!

3
00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:20,751
THE HELL VACCINE

4
00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:22,626
-Mariola, did you like the movie?
-It was fine.

5
00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:24,293
But the 3D glasses made me feel ill.

6
00:00:24,376 --> 00:00:26,084
'Cause the glasses aren't edible.

7
00:00:26,168 --> 00:00:28,751
And those two bags of popcorn you inhaled,
yours and mine,

8
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:30,126
probably didn't help either.

9
00:00:30,209 --> 00:00:33,293
PROFESSOR FART VERSUS SUPER CREATURE 3D

10
00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:41,834
Fuck my butt sideways, Miras,
that was way too fucking amazing!

11
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:44,793
Damn, not only did Professor Fart
defeat the Super Creature

12
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in a super cool scientific way,

13
00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:48,876
but they also showed it in 3D!

14
00:00:48,959 --> 00:00:52,001
Yeah, and when he was putting
that plasma torch up his asshole,

15
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:53,626
I really felt like I was there.

16
00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:54,793
Exactly!

17
00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:57,501
And when the dick-shaped
zombie monkeys popped out

18
00:00:57,584 --> 00:00:59,209
I thought I was going to shit myself.

19
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,626
Luckily, I did that behind the seat
before the movie started.

20
00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:05,126
Best spent zero zlotys
in my entire fucking life.

21
00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:07,043
So, Miras, are we coming tomorrow too?

22
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:10,459
Buba, the same movie
for the sixth day in a row?

23
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:12,793
Of course we're coming!

24
00:01:12,876 --> 00:01:14,209
Now let's get back to hell,

25
00:01:14,293 --> 00:01:17,168
'cause if the boss notices we took
the Gates of Hell without asking,

26
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:18,793
he'll turn our you-know-what into gates.

27
00:01:18,876 --> 00:01:21,209
Don't jinx it, asshole, or it will happen.

28
00:01:21,293 --> 00:01:22,293
You'll see, Mariola.

29
00:01:22,376 --> 00:01:23,793
If things keep going well for me,

30
00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:26,543
in a few more years,
I'll save enough money for a car.

31
00:01:26,626 --> 00:01:29,501
-And then every bitch will be mine!
-What?

32
00:01:29,584 --> 00:01:32,793
I mean, every ditch will be mine
since I'm a bad driver.

33
00:01:32,876 --> 00:01:35,209
Relax a bit, you'll be really pleased.

34
00:01:35,293 --> 00:01:36,209
Uh…

35
00:01:36,293 --> 00:01:37,543
Are you lost, pal?

36
00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:39,959
No, no, we absolutely know
where we're going, sir.

37
00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:41,126
You got a problem?

38
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,251
I mean… Come on, Mariola…

39
00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:46,043
Ouch! Relax guys,
we can totally work this out.

40
00:01:46,126 --> 00:01:48,834
-I'm wondering about one thing.
-Yeah?

41
00:01:48,918 --> 00:01:52,918
If the quark cannon is a million times
more powerful than the plasma torch,

42
00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:54,834
why did Professor Fart not use it?

43
00:01:54,918 --> 00:01:58,959
That's easy. The quark cannon wouldn't fit
in the Super Creature's tight ass.

44
00:01:59,043 --> 00:01:59,876
Wait.

45
00:02:00,459 --> 00:02:01,293
Look at that.

46
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:03,584
Hey!

47
00:02:03,668 --> 00:02:04,751
Damn it!

48
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,459
Ouch!

49
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,959
Buba, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

50
00:02:09,043 --> 00:02:11,251
Yup. How does the cool
Super Creature smell

51
00:02:11,334 --> 00:02:13,043
if instead of a nose it has a di--

52
00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:16,501
No, not that. Let's fucking hit this kid
with our devilish hypnosis

53
00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:17,668
like a hypno-possession.

54
00:02:17,751 --> 00:02:20,918
He can show those hoodlums how the devil
says, "Good evening, motherfuckers."

55
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:22,501
You won't make it. It's too far.

56
00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:26,543
That's why we'll do it together.
All right. One, two, three!

57
00:02:30,209 --> 00:02:32,459
Hey, you can say goodbye

58
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,293
to your teeth, you fucking dickless nerd.

59
00:02:34,376 --> 00:02:38,043
But first,
you will say goodbye to your tiny balls.

60
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,584
Why, you!

61
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:46,751
Did you see that?
This is how it's done! Just one shot!

62
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,376
You need to try harder.

63
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,959
He's not gonna make it now.

64
00:02:58,043 --> 00:03:01,709
A baseball bat plus a broken bottle
equals a concussion and a sliced lip.

65
00:03:01,793 --> 00:03:05,626
You are forgetting that his brain
is temporarily disabled by our hypnosis.

66
00:03:08,293 --> 00:03:09,709
Stop. You are going to hurt him!

67
00:03:09,793 --> 00:03:11,209
That's the goddamn plan.

68
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:15,543
It's a good thing you've been knocked
unconscious, you spineless piece of shit!

69
00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:19,043
I am going to leave you a painful souvenir
on your ugly-ass mug.

70
00:03:22,543 --> 00:03:24,626
Um…

71
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,834
Marcin, what's happening? Are you okay?

72
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,209
EXORCISM AGENCY /
CONSTRUCTION COMPANY BONER

73
00:03:40,293 --> 00:03:42,168
Where the hell is
that stupid fucking dumbass?

74
00:03:42,251 --> 00:03:44,168
Oh, boss,
come on, I'm right here.

75
00:03:44,251 --> 00:03:46,293
I was talking about
the other dumbass, dumbass.

76
00:03:46,376 --> 00:03:48,793
Oh, you mean Marcinek.
Maybe you should try to call him.

77
00:03:48,876 --> 00:03:50,959
I am calling him. He's not answering.

78
00:03:51,043 --> 00:03:53,751
He must be sleeping it off.
He was on a big date yesterday.

79
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,293
Gimme your phone, sir,
I'm gonna give his girlfriend a call.

80
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I remember the number.

81
00:03:57,376 --> 00:03:59,084
-Agh! If you break it…
-Yeah right.

82
00:04:00,751 --> 00:04:01,584
Hello?

83
00:04:02,084 --> 00:04:03,126
Hi, Mariola.

84
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,626
Do you know where Marcin is?

85
00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,126
'Cause we're waiting for him.
He's late for work.

86
00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:08,834
-What?
-What?

87
00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:11,709
-Uh, wow, you don't freaking say!
-What did she say?

88
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,251
-Goddamn it!
-Come on, idiot, you gotta tell me.

89
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:17,918
Boss, you better take a seat because
you're not gonna fucking believe this.

90
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:21,501
Yesterday, while on his big date,
Marcin took out four really big guys

91
00:04:21,584 --> 00:04:23,084
and snatched all of their wallets.

92
00:04:23,168 --> 00:04:26,084
Then he took off without Mariola
and went on a wild vodka bender.

93
00:04:26,168 --> 00:04:27,543
No way! Holy shit! Really?

94
00:04:27,626 --> 00:04:31,584
See, I told you that under my authority
he would finally improve.

95
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:34,876
All right, let's go to work.
He knows where to find us.

96
00:04:38,293 --> 00:04:40,876
-Ugh! Get out, you're pushing.
-Not again. Oh no!

97
00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:43,376
Stop whining.
Today, it's only three kilometers.

98
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,543
-Shouldn't he be muzzled?
-But how would he bite then?

99
00:04:48,626 --> 00:04:50,751
-Uh…
-All right, tell me what's going on here?

100
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:52,584
I really don't have all fucking day.

101
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,293
I mean, I do, actually,
so I'd like to put it to good use.

102
00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:58,668
Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you
everything like in confession.

103
00:04:58,751 --> 00:05:00,793
You won't make heads or tails of it.

104
00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:05,043
It started about two weeks ago,
when I heard noises coming from the barn.

105
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Something really bad got into it.

106
00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:09,418
The cows started to get nervous.

107
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All of the pigs… got nervous.

108
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At first, it all seemed harmless.
They were just growling at one another.

109
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Like, "Moo-ve your stupid ass!"

110
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"Oink… off!"

111
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,793
It came down to hand-to-hand combat.

112
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The cattle went after
the entire group of pigs.

113
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And so then vice versa.

114
00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:32,001
The riots in the barn
had lasted a few days.

115
00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:35,584
It calmed down when I separated them
with an electric cattle prod.

116
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,751
Then evil entered my cottage as well.

117
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:42,959
My wife got super mad.
I thought to myself, "It's normal."

118
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,459
Then my wife moved out to her mother.

119
00:05:45,543 --> 00:05:47,376
I thought to myself, "Good riddance."

120
00:05:47,459 --> 00:05:51,418
But then, the friendly good spirit Bey
also decided to leave.

121
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:55,251
He lived behind the old wood stove
and brought our family plenty of luck.

122
00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:56,501
And a subtle stench.

123
00:05:56,584 --> 00:05:59,584
If you don't breathe in through your nose,
you really can't smell it.

124
00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,293
And there are these
goddamn rat bastards everywhere!

125
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,584
Motherfucking rat-demons!

126
00:06:09,668 --> 00:06:12,001
Mr. Stasiu, I have excellent news for you.

127
00:06:12,084 --> 00:06:14,376
You have considerably more luck
than you have brains.

128
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:17,459
That doesn't mean anything.
I was pretty bad in school.

129
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:18,834
-Hey, Domino.
-Yes, boss?

130
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:20,709
Go get the demon poison out of the van now

131
00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:22,918
and let's be sure
to set it out in all the buildings.

132
00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:23,918
On it!

133
00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:36,876
They're not coming out.

134
00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,459
The poison was a bit stale.
Maybe that's what's taking so long.

135
00:06:39,543 --> 00:06:41,959
So I paid you 200 zloty for nothing?

136
00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:44,126
Sure I hope so. No, wait. Look there.

137
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:59,543
My damn gut is about to explode.

138
00:06:59,626 --> 00:07:02,709
Shit, Lucjan, I told you
not to eat those pink balls.

139
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,001
How can I not eat them
if they're so delicious?

140
00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:08,626
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!
Mmm, so good! Oh, what a pain!

141
00:07:10,376 --> 00:07:11,459
Miss!

142
00:07:11,543 --> 00:07:13,126
What? Lucjan, did you fart?

143
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:17,834
-Yeah, why?
-Nothing, so did I.

144
00:07:17,918 --> 00:07:19,626
Ah, it fucking hurts!

145
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:23,584
Miss. Miss.

146
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,459
[gun firing

147
00:07:27,543 --> 00:07:30,126
Miss, miss, miss, and a duff shot.

148
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:31,459
Dammit!

149
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,626
All done.
The property is officially exorcized.

150
00:07:58,709 --> 00:08:01,084
Are you sure that is all of them?

151
00:08:01,168 --> 00:08:03,876
Yeah, if the big boss says that it's so,
it means that most likely,

152
00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:05,584
you know, sometimes or possibly,

153
00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:07,626
with quite a bit of luck,
it could be the case.

154
00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:10,876
Hell, hell, hell! Fucking hell, dudes!

155
00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:12,043
Bey!

156
00:08:12,126 --> 00:08:13,876
Wow! What a stench!

157
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:17,293
Don't breathe through your nose,
if you value your life. Ha!

158
00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:19,918
Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Boner.

159
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,918
The good spirit is back at last!

160
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,459
Happiness will finally
come back to my house now.

161
00:08:25,543 --> 00:08:27,543
Don't shit yourself. Got any beer?

162
00:08:29,293 --> 00:08:30,876
What a jokester.

163
00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:32,376
Did I miss anything?

164
00:08:33,209 --> 00:08:36,959
Relax, Marcinek. The farm has been cleared
of the annoying demonic rats.

165
00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,209
We'll just see about that.

166
00:08:43,126 --> 00:08:44,626
Just what the hell is he up to?

167
00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:00,459
FIRST COMMUNION FAVOR

168
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,293
Fuck that. Goodbye!

169
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,626
I'm off to bring luck to Mini Las Vegas.

170
00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:08,293
To the owner, of course.

171
00:09:14,584 --> 00:09:16,626
Uh… What happened?

172
00:09:17,376 --> 00:09:18,209
What did I do?

173
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:19,709
You de-christianized the house.

174
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:23,543
What? Oh no! This is not what we agreed.

175
00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:24,709
Gimme back my money!

176
00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:28,043
Retreat!

177
00:09:31,543 --> 00:09:33,293
Well, as far as I can tell,

178
00:09:33,376 --> 00:09:37,126
Marcinek was under the influence
of some tempter from hell.

179
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,043
What?

180
00:09:38,126 --> 00:09:39,209
Not a powerful one though,

181
00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:41,418
since the effect wore off
the very next day.

182
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:44,584
But it looks like you're potentially
more vulnerable to possession

183
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,709
and stupid crap like that.

184
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,543
Ah dammit, then I'm done for.

185
00:09:47,626 --> 00:09:51,043
Don't you worry a bit, my friend,
you will get vaccinated against hell,

186
00:09:51,126 --> 00:09:53,793
and then in two weeks
you'll be completely immune to demons

187
00:09:53,876 --> 00:09:55,709
just like Domino is to knowledge.

188
00:09:55,793 --> 00:09:57,126
Is it going to be safe?

189
00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:59,084
-What is it?
-Don't worry.

190
00:09:59,168 --> 00:10:00,751
It's a never tested mixture.

191
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,376
Antichristosaur's venom mixed with vodka.

192
00:10:03,459 --> 00:10:05,501
I'm gonna regret… Ouch!

193
00:10:06,418 --> 00:10:07,876
-There.
-So what happens now?

194
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,834
And now we just wait a few minutes

195
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,543
to see if he has any
unexpected side effects to speak of.

196
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:15,459
What side effects?
I don't want any weird side effects.

197
00:10:15,543 --> 00:10:18,293
Just relax, Marcinek. It rarely happens.

198
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,293
You see? Nothing weird is happening.

199
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:21,668
Um…

200
00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:25,876
Hey, boss,
please take a look at your compass.

201
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:27,959
Uh-oh.

202
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:30,876
I'm starting to think
something is wrong here.

203
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,709
Oh no, it's Super Creature!

204
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,543
Something is definitely wrong here!

205
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:43,251
Boredom!
I'll kill you out of boredom!

206
00:10:45,376 --> 00:10:47,543
Dammit! Domino, get the rope!

207
00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:51,793
Marcin, calm down! It's me, Domino!

208
00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:55,959
-To the crapper!
-Dibs on the toilet!

209
00:10:56,043 --> 00:10:58,126
But I can also go in the sink if need be.

210
00:10:59,209 --> 00:11:02,001
Ouch! Ouch! Marcin, stop.
You're gonna strangle us!

211
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:04,126
Besides, I'm ticklish!

212
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:05,876
You're gonna die!

213
00:11:05,959 --> 00:11:06,918
Actually wait.

214
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:07,959
Even better,

215
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:11,459
you are going to entertain me with
extremely inappropriate jokes instead.

216
00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:16,834
I don't know.

217
00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:19,626
If you pay enough,
there isn't one.

218
00:11:22,168 --> 00:11:24,293
Motherfucker!

219
00:11:24,376 --> 00:11:25,959
Although I don't really get the joke.

220
00:11:26,043 --> 00:11:26,876
Or this one.

221
00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:29,584
A sex addict walks
into a ladies shoe store.

222
00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:31,876
The salesman asks, "Can I help you?"

223
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,709
"No, I'll jerk myself off."

224
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:40,876
Good one!
I can shit myself laughing!

225
00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:41,834
Uh-oh.

226
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,293
Excuse me for a moment.

227
00:11:46,668 --> 00:11:48,376
Damn, I'm running out of funny jokes.

228
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:50,834
Boss, how long do these side effects
usually last for, huh?

229
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:52,001
Not too long.

230
00:11:52,084 --> 00:11:53,084
Like a few days.

231
00:11:54,126 --> 00:11:54,959
THE END