A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Look, Kleofas, it'll be soon...
WHEN THE DEVIL IS AT HIS WITS END, HE SENDS A WOMAN
-Wait, hold on. -What?
Is your name really Kleofas?
It's not. My name is Bartek,
but I thought it sounded kinda shitty, so I got re-christened.
Well, re-satanized…
Okay, never mind.
Listen, Kleofas, you and me are about to become
the biggest and most powerful electric energy producers in Hell!
Well, not just in Hell, but absolutely everywhere!
Watch out. I'm going up. Just hold it so I don't fall off!
Not like the last time.
I was holding it!
If you hadn't touched the wires,
you wouldn't have been electrocuted and fallen off.
Dammit, Bartek, listen to me. This is scary. But it's worth it.
Soon you'll see. I even installed an outlet at my place already.
Too bad the only electrical device I own is a toilet,
but listen to me, Rome wasn't built in a day.
Actually, they built Piaseczno first…
Classic. 1 Man, 1 Jar.
Oh, I gotta do this one next.
"Two girls, one, uh…"
Oh shit. Grzechu, are you all right?
So then, does this mean that you and me are rich now?
No, even better!
It means that we can pay off some of our debt now.
Although, we'll still owe a little bit more. Let's go back!
Dummy, leave that fucking ladder. Soon you'll be able to buy yourself two!
Grzechu, I think that we just passed the gate to Hell.
Yeah, sure we did.
We've been following the wire which will lead straight to the gate to Hell....
Oh, fucking shit.
Hello, my friends.
Oh wow, Grzechu. Check out that cool little power drill, will you?
And this shows why technical schools are much better than regular high schools.
It's an angle grinder, moron.
Bravo! Mr. Technician wins the big prize.
Do I really?
Oh crap! What in Satan's name did you do to Grzechu?
I'll kill you!
But first, I'll go back to Hell for a nunchuck.
Faster, faster, faster! I hope he's not following me.
Phew! He isn't.
Okay, there's the gate to Hell. Hop!
Oh no! Not the gate to Heaven!
Ouch! It hurts so bad!
I'm allergic to Heaven!
Let me out!
The second one is done, boss, we're good to go.
Beautiful. Load the gate into the van,
and let's go to the power plant for our reward.
This illegal operation's officially terminated.
He used an angle grinder and sent him to Heaven?
That's right. Two entrepreneurs. Two environmentalist entrepreneurs.
They wanted to generate energy
from alternative sources like human electricity. He just killed them!
That Boner guy again!
Fuck it, deploy our military!
With all due respect, Your Hellishness, and Your Son-Of-A-Bitch-Ness,
We have a truce, sir.
If we deploy our troops on Earth, Heaven will respond.
We're gonna get Armageddon.
Fine. You're absolutely correct.
So what do we do instead then?
It's my wife.
Yes, darling?
What time is it?
Damn it. I'm on my way!
I need to get Kamilek from kindergarten.
Ugh, women, am I right? Think about it.
I'm the ruler of Hell,
but she just grunts and I run with my tail between my legs.
They've certainly got their ways, haven't they?
A woman truly is a man's greatest weakness.
Hey, wait a sec.
Turn that shit off.
-What? -Turn the hammer drill off, you moron!
But I don't have a hammer, this is just a drill.
It's exactly as I thought.
You're grinding with a hammer drill,
and you're making a whole bunch of ugly-gaping holes in the bodywork.
You fucking dumbass, you're using left rotation
and grinding against the grain.
And a new grinder, that's just a few years old,
gone to waste already!
Oh well, I'll just deduct it from your weekly pay.
But, boss, let me just point out I already work for you for free.
Mm-hmm. In that case, it's three slaps to your scrawny neck.
Oh wow, I got lucky then. I thought it'd be four slaps.
-Oh geez. -One!
-Boss. -Quiet! I'm dealing with Domino.
Ah! Two!
And three! What's up?
There's a panicked lady on the phone. She's having some trouble with orbs.
How many times do I have to tell you? Orbs aren't real.
Dunno. She says these ones are real.
Twenty now, the rest when the job's done.
Is that twenty per person or is that for everybody?
-Everybody. -Hmm, that's not much.
Don't be picky, Szczepan.
Beggars can't be choosers. You know we never get paid anyway.
No one ever believes in us.
Make up your mind, or I'm calling the Witches.
They'll do it for half that price.
Okay, okay. Why so nervous, Miss Sketchy Boss Lady?
All right, boys, get into position!
Ma'am, orbs just simply don't exist.
It's just dust reflection from a flashlight in the photo. There.
But you owe us two hundred for coming anyway…
But I have no doubt that we can work that out another way.
Work it out with those guys first.
Get 'em!
Follow me!
Orbs? No fuckin' way.
You'll believe it when you'll pick up your teeth off the floor!
Whoa, holy crapola! What the hell have you done to Szczepan!
What just happened, Szczepan?
Mariusz, I have something important to tell you.
The fact is, we aren't actually immortal orbs.
We do live for a long time. Three to four years, to be exact.
But then it's finally over.
Six feet under.
And, as you've probably already figured out,
we are extremely easy to kill.
Just a single blast from a shotgun or even getting hit with a tennis shoe.
Farewell, my dear friend.
Please don't blame me for this.
Except for the sticker on your back that said "kick me in my stupid fat ass."
That one was actually all my doing.
Szczepan, that bullet must've messed with your ectoplasmic head!
So you say orbs aren't immortal? Yeah right! Fuck you.
Damn, Piotrek, Szczepan said we're immortal,
but somehow I'm really not looking forward
to getting slapped in the face with that fly swatter.
What are we doing?
Let's wait this out on the balcony
and we can get high while we're at it, okay, dude?
I'm convinced!
We made it. That was the very last one.
So it's like I said. That will be two hundred zloty.
Unless you want an invoice, ma'am, but it's really not worth it.
All right, Mr. Boner, we've got a minor little problem.
I've got only, um… Actually…
Um, I've got absolutely no money at all.
Just don't fight him. You'd lose anyway.
Earn his trust.
I don't know, invite him over to an apartment.
You can sleep with him if it's absolutely necessary.
Then once he's asleep,
you go up and you inject him with hemlock,
and that'll finally be the end of Bogdan Boner. You got all that?
Yes, oh Dark One!
Now, get your ass to Earth. And if you do really, really well, then...
Oh boy, get out. My wife's calling again.
Hello?
I've got no money,
but to show my gratitude, I'd like to invite you to stay
for tea and moist yeast cake.
Ooh! Yeast cake! Yum!
And tea! My favorite!
Boss, it'd be rude to say no to that.
-Are we staying? -Unfortunately not.
Domino has to finish working on the van,
and you, Marcinek, have to watch this moron
'cause he knows the job about as well as an atheist knows how to pray, got it?
I, however, have got nothing else left to do today.
CHEAP LAWN MOWING!
-Why aren't we driving? -Domino, we're just waiting for the boss.
Did you see how hot that chick was?
It'll be a short game. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
No way. The tea has to carefully brew for a bit.
If it's too hot at first, they actually shouldn't drink it right away.
Unless they mix half-and-half with hot and cold water,
but that's really hard.
You gotta soak it in the cold water first and then add the hot water.
Hey, boss, what's going on with that twenty bucks for us?
The job is done now.
Shh.
What the fuck!
Hey, so boss,
how about it?
Jesus!
I'm all out of ammo.
Come back, you got no chance!
Definitely not in the crapper!
We'll meet again, my sweetheart.
Someday soon.
That piece of dog shit.
He promised me he used a condom.
THE END