1
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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

2
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Look, Kleofas, it'll be soon...

3
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WHEN THE DEVIL IS AT HIS WITS END,
HE SENDS A WOMAN

4
00:00:22,918 --> 00:00:24,126
-Wait, hold on.
-What?

5
00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:25,668
Is your name really Kleofas?

6
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,251
It's not. My name is Bartek,

7
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but I thought it sounded kinda shitty,
so I got re-christened.

8
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:31,043
Well, re-satanized…

9
00:00:31,126 --> 00:00:32,293
Okay, never mind.

10
00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:37,793
Listen, Kleofas, you and me
are about to become

11
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the biggest and most powerful
electric energy producers in Hell!

12
00:00:41,668 --> 00:00:43,876
Well, not just in Hell,
but absolutely everywhere!

13
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Watch out. I'm going up.
Just hold it so I don't fall off!

14
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Not like the last time.

15
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I was holding it!

16
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If you hadn't touched the wires,

17
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you wouldn't have been electrocuted
and fallen off.

18
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Dammit, Bartek, listen to me.
This is scary. But it's worth it.

19
00:00:56,876 --> 00:01:00,126
Soon you'll see. I even installed
an outlet at my place already.

20
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Too bad the only electrical device I own
is a toilet,

21
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but listen to me,
Rome wasn't built in a day.

22
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Actually, they built Piaseczno first…

23
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Classic.<i> 1 Man, 1 Jar.</i>

24
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Oh, I gotta do this one next.

25
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"Two girls, one, uh…"

26
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Oh shit. Grzechu, are you all right?

27
00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:30,126
So then, does this mean
that you and me are rich now?

28
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No, even better!

29
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It means that we can pay off
some of our debt now.

30
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Although, we'll still owe
a little bit more. Let's go back!

31
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Dummy, leave that fucking ladder.
Soon you'll be able to buy yourself two!

32
00:01:43,459 --> 00:01:47,043
Grzechu, I think
that we just passed the gate to Hell.

33
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Yeah, sure we did.

34
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We've been following the wire which will
lead straight to the gate to Hell....

35
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Oh, fucking shit.

36
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Hello, my friends.

37
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Oh wow, Grzechu. Check out
that cool little power drill, will you?

38
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And this shows why technical schools
are much better than regular high schools.

39
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It's an angle grinder, moron.

40
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Bravo! Mr. Technician wins the big prize.

41
00:02:09,709 --> 00:02:13,918
Do I really?

42
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,709
Oh crap! What in Satan's name
did you do to Grzechu?

43
00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:17,918
I'll kill you!

44
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:19,793
But first, I'll go back to Hell
for a nunchuck.

45
00:02:19,876 --> 00:02:22,501
Faster, faster, faster!
I hope he's not following me.

46
00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:23,543
Phew! He isn't.

47
00:02:23,626 --> 00:02:25,543
Okay, there's the gate to Hell. Hop!

48
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:30,293
Oh no! Not the gate to Heaven!

49
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Ouch! It hurts so bad!

50
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I'm allergic to Heaven!

51
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Let me out!

52
00:02:38,543 --> 00:02:41,001
The second one is done, boss,
we're good to go.

53
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Beautiful. Load the gate into the van,

54
00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:45,626
and let's go to the power plant
for our reward.

55
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:49,043
This illegal operation's
officially terminated.

56
00:02:49,126 --> 00:02:51,543
He used an angle grinder
and sent him to Heaven?

57
00:02:51,626 --> 00:02:55,501
That's right. Two entrepreneurs.
Two environmentalist entrepreneurs.

58
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They wanted to generate energy

59
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from alternative sources like
human electricity. He just killed them!

60
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:02,626
That Boner guy again!

61
00:03:02,709 --> 00:03:04,459
Fuck it, deploy our military!

62
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With all due respect, Your Hellishness,
and Your Son-Of-A-Bitch-Ness,

63
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We have a truce, sir.

64
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If we deploy our troops on Earth,
Heaven will respond.

65
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:12,876
We're gonna get Armageddon.

66
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Fine. You're absolutely correct.

67
00:03:15,209 --> 00:03:17,793
So what do we do instead then?

68
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It's my wife.

69
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Yes, darling?

70
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What time is it?

71
00:03:22,209 --> 00:03:23,668
Damn it. I'm on my way!

72
00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:25,876
I need to get Kamilek from kindergarten.

73
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:28,376
Ugh, women, am I right? Think about it.

74
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:29,751
I'm the ruler of Hell,

75
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but she just grunts
and I run with my tail between my legs.

76
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They've certainly got their ways,
haven't they?

77
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A woman truly is
a man's greatest weakness.

78
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Hey, wait a sec.

79
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Turn that shit off.

80
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-What?
-Turn the hammer drill off, you moron!

81
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:03,751
But I don't have a hammer,
this is just a drill.

82
00:04:03,834 --> 00:04:05,501
It's exactly as I thought.

83
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You're grinding with a hammer drill,

84
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and you're making a whole bunch
of ugly-gaping holes in the bodywork.

85
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You fucking dumbass,
you're using left rotation

86
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and grinding against the grain.

87
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And a new grinder,
that's just a few years old,

88
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gone to waste already!

89
00:04:16,626 --> 00:04:18,959
Oh well, I'll just deduct it
from your weekly pay.

90
00:04:19,043 --> 00:04:22,126
But, boss, let me just point out
I already work for you for free.

91
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Mm-hmm. In that case,
it's three slaps to your scrawny neck.

92
00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:28,418
Oh wow, I got lucky then.
I thought it'd be four slaps.

93
00:04:29,084 --> 00:04:30,418
-Oh geez.
-One!

94
00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:32,709
-Boss.
-Quiet! I'm dealing with Domino.

95
00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:33,959
Ah! Two!

96
00:04:34,043 --> 00:04:35,334
And three! What's up?

97
00:04:35,418 --> 00:04:38,293
There's a panicked lady on the phone.
She's having some trouble with orbs.

98
00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:41,043
How many times do I have to tell you?
Orbs aren't real.

99
00:04:41,126 --> 00:04:43,001
Dunno. She says these ones are real.

100
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Twenty now, the rest when the job's done.

101
00:04:46,293 --> 00:04:48,293
Is that twenty per person
or is that for everybody?

102
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-Everybody.
-Hmm, that's not much.

103
00:04:50,376 --> 00:04:52,001
Don't be picky, Szczepan.

104
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,168
Beggars can't be choosers.
You know we never get paid anyway.

105
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,209
No one ever believes in us.

106
00:04:58,418 --> 00:05:00,251
Make up your mind,
or I'm calling the Witches.

107
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:01,709
They'll do it for half that price.

108
00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,043
Okay, okay. Why so nervous,
Miss Sketchy Boss Lady?

109
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All right, boys, get into position!

110
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Ma'am, orbs just simply don't exist.

111
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It's just dust reflection
from a flashlight in the photo. There.

112
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But you owe us two hundred
for coming anyway…

113
00:05:18,793 --> 00:05:21,293
But I have no doubt
that we can work that out another way.

114
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Work it out with those guys first.

115
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Get 'em!

116
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Follow me!

117
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Orbs? No fuckin' way.

118
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You'll believe it when
you'll pick up your teeth off the floor!

119
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:38,376
Whoa, holy crapola! What the hell
have you done to Szczepan!

120
00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:43,334
What just happened, Szczepan?

121
00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:46,001
Mariusz, I have
something important to tell you.

122
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The fact is,
we aren't actually immortal orbs.

123
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We do live for a long time.
Three to four years, to be exact.

124
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But then it's finally over.

125
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Six feet under.

126
00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:56,584
And, as you've probably
already figured out,

127
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we are extremely easy to kill.

128
00:05:58,293 --> 00:06:02,251
Just a single blast from a shotgun
or even getting hit with a tennis shoe.

129
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:04,251
Farewell, my dear friend.

130
00:06:04,334 --> 00:06:05,918
Please don't blame me for this.

131
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Except for the sticker on your back
that said "kick me in my stupid fat ass."

132
00:06:09,918 --> 00:06:12,459
That one was actually all my doing.

133
00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:17,209
Szczepan, that bullet must've
messed with your ectoplasmic head!

134
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,209
So you say orbs aren't immortal?
Yeah right! Fuck you.

135
00:06:56,626 --> 00:06:58,876
Damn, Piotrek,
Szczepan said we're immortal,

136
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but somehow I'm really not looking forward

137
00:07:00,668 --> 00:07:02,668
to getting slapped in the face
with that fly swatter.

138
00:07:02,751 --> 00:07:03,793
What are we doing?

139
00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:05,459
Let's wait this out on the balcony

140
00:07:05,543 --> 00:07:07,459
and we can get high
while we're at it, okay, dude?

141
00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:08,793
I'm convinced!

142
00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:13,959
We made it. That was the very last one.

143
00:07:14,043 --> 00:07:16,918
So it's like I said.
That will be two hundred zloty.

144
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,751
Unless you want an invoice, ma'am,
but it's really not worth it.

145
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:22,251
All right, Mr. Boner,
we've got a minor little problem.

146
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:24,709
I've got only, um… Actually…

147
00:07:24,793 --> 00:07:26,876
Um, I've got absolutely no money at all.

148
00:07:29,126 --> 00:07:31,376
Just don't fight him. You'd lose anyway.

149
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,626
Earn his trust.

150
00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:35,793
I don't know, invite him over
to an apartment.

151
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,376
You can sleep with him
if it's absolutely necessary.

152
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,793
Then once he's asleep,

153
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,668
you go up and you inject him with hemlock,

154
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and that'll finally be the end
of Bogdan Boner. You got all that?

155
00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:46,376
Yes, oh Dark One!

156
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:50,876
Now, get your ass to Earth.
And if you do really, really well, then...

157
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Oh boy, get out. My wife's calling again.

158
00:07:53,418 --> 00:07:54,376
Hello?

159
00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:55,334
I've got no money,

160
00:07:55,418 --> 00:07:57,751
but to show my gratitude,
I'd like to invite you to stay

161
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,293
for tea and moist yeast cake.

162
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:01,168
Ooh! Yeast cake! Yum!

163
00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:02,584
And tea! My favorite!

164
00:08:02,668 --> 00:08:04,459
Boss, it'd be rude to say no to that.

165
00:08:04,543 --> 00:08:06,543
-Are we staying?
-Unfortunately not.

166
00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:08,876
Domino has to finish working on the van,

167
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:11,543
and you, Marcinek,
have to watch this moron

168
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:15,501
'cause he knows the job about as well as
an atheist knows how to pray, got it?

169
00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:18,459
I, however,
have got nothing else left to do today.

170
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:27,959
CHEAP LAWN MOWING!

171
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:31,084
-Why aren't we driving?
-Domino, we're just waiting for the boss.

172
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:32,793
Did you see how hot that chick was?

173
00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,876
It'll be a short game.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.

174
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:37,459
No way.
The tea has to carefully brew for a bit.

175
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If it's too hot at first, they actually
shouldn't drink it right away.

176
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Unless they mix half-and-half
with hot and cold water,

177
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but that's really hard.

178
00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:47,209
You gotta soak it in the cold water first
and then add the hot water.

179
00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:03,668
Hey, boss, what's going on
with that twenty bucks for us?

180
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:04,876
The job is done now.

181
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:05,959
Shh.

182
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:13,626
What the fuck!

183
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:24,751
Hey, so boss,

184
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:29,084
how about it?

185
00:09:33,584 --> 00:09:36,209
Jesus!

186
00:09:57,293 --> 00:09:59,001
I'm all out of ammo.

187
00:09:59,084 --> 00:10:01,251
Come back, you got no chance!

188
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,043
Definitely not in the crapper!

189
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:09,043
We'll meet again, my sweetheart.

190
00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:10,126
Someday soon.

191
00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:19,584
That piece of dog shit.

192
00:10:19,668 --> 00:10:21,501
He promised me he used a condom.

193
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:23,334
THE END