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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
2
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[theme music playing]
3
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[priest] He lived as well
as he could afford…
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THE GRIM SLURPER
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…and since he wasn't able to afford much,
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he lived in debt
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and his life came
to a sad and pathetic end
8
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in a borrowed Honda…
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[man] That was a brand-new Accord!
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Made only 15 years ago and in December,
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so kind of like 14 years ago.
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Who's gonna give me my money back?
13
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Although he was only driving a little bit
over the posted speed limit,
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the car was tightly wedged into
a garbage truck like a lacy thong in a…
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[clears throat]
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…in the place
where the devil says goodnight.
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Whoa, that's really offensive!
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But I guess that's what happens when your
automobile brakes are old and air-locked
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and you bribe your way
out of an overdue technical inspection.
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[man] I may have offered a bribe,
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but only an idiot fixes a car
that still runs.
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[priest] Andrzej, may you rest in peace!
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In the name of the Father,
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and the Son
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and all the rest.
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Goodbye.
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[crying]
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[monotone hum]
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Hey, boss, when will I get to… [grunt]
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Be quiet! I'm trying to feed.
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[monotone hum]
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[dog barking in the distance]
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Hey, boss.
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I'm sorry to speak so boldly,
but when will I be able to eat?
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-Hey, Mud, am I your servant or you mine?
-[whimpers]
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Haven't you learned yet?
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You get to eat after I eat.
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Don't worry, the widow will come soon
and as she's weeping for her husband,
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I shall feast! I shall feast, I say!
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But how long can she stay
at that goddamn wake?
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Wait.
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Well, there she is finally!
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[muffled laughter]
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What's this guy doing here?
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Would you look at that slutty old bitch!
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Her husband's body isn't even cold yet
and she's already brought another man!
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[gasps] Whatever.
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[screams]
49
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[inhales deeply]
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[monotone hum]
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What the hell?
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Shit, don't tell me
she doesn't care about this one either.
53
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Okay, then.
54
00:02:13,793 --> 00:02:15,709
Pew! One and done!
55
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All right, let's get out of here!
I just thought of a very good plan.
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-Boss, wait, you're not an angel any--
-[grunts]
57
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…more.
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MINI LAS VEGAS
CAFE 24H
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[arcade game music playing]
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[coin clinking]
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[chiming]
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[sighs loudly]
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Envy causes great suffering, Mud.
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And the greatest envy of all,
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is the intense envy that
mankind inevitably has of his neighbors.
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And all that is required
to make it really fester,
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is to go out and give that neighbor
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a little bit of a helping hand
so we can get the ball out and rolling.
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[coin clinking]
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[chiming, fanfare]
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[laughs joyfully]
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[coins clinking]
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[shooing]
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-[brakes screeches]
-Oh, goddamn it.
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-[car door closes]
-Hey, Wiechlina,
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where did you get that new car, huh?
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I earned it fair and square.
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[laughs]
79
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And make sure I don't see any of those
shitting birds flying over my property,
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or they're definitely gonna meet my gun.
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[door lock chirps]
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[crickets chirping]
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[man] He's a thief.
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That little piece of shit.
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That slimy cunning Judas.
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He got that car just to spite me.
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I can feel it in my heart.
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And it doesn't even run on gas.
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It's diesel!
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[monotone hum]
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That's what I call a proper feast!
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My genius truly knows no bound.
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Mud!
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I'm going to take a magnificent shit.
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[man] Hid it in the garage,
the little weasel.
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But that won't help him one bit.
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Bon appetit.
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[monotone hum]
99
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Actually, I'm completely satiated.
Mud, hurry up, we've gotta go.
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We'll come back and feast tomorrow. Hop!
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[grunts]
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[man] Let me teach you a lesson,
you son of a bitch.
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You can shove that car up your ass.
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I hope at least the body
had to be repaired.
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I mean, it must've been.
It's from a used car lot.
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Hopefully, it was repaired so badly
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that it'll fall apart
the minute you drive through the gate,
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and to make sure, I'm gonna scatter
some sharp nails over there tomorrow.
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THIEF, FRAUD! GET OUT!
SHOVE THAT SEAT UP YOUR ASS
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[rooster crowing]
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[woman] Stefan! Stefan, get up, quickly!
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[yawn]
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I was having such a nice beautiful dream!
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Not only did Wiechlina's new car
slam into a tree,
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they also suspended his license
for three months for drunk driving.
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Well, this'll wipe the smile
off your face. Over there.
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[dramatic music plays]
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Err…
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Not only are they renovating
the entire house,
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it looks like they're
having a satellite dish installed
121
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up there on the roof!
122
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Don't tell me they went
and got themselves a TV.
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TV HD HWDP
WIDESCREEN 75 INCHES
124
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Oh Jesus!
125
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Halinka…
126
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:20,959
Mister, I don't want this circus clown
to fall off the roof!
127
00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:22,543
Eh, not much of a loss.
128
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:25,126
No, if he slips and falls off,
he could break the antenna.
129
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Domino, you hear that?
130
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If you break that dish
you'll never get paid again
131
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and you'll have to pay
for the damage on your own.
132
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It comes right out of your pocket!
133
00:05:32,793 --> 00:05:36,293
Okay, okay, fine, boss, take it easy.
I won't break it.
134
00:05:36,376 --> 00:05:38,959
And how would I pay for it
with no money to my name?
135
00:05:39,584 --> 00:05:42,168
Now, a zip-tie instead of a screw…
136
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There.
137
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:44,876
One should do it.
138
00:05:45,418 --> 00:05:49,001
And instead of an antenna cable,
to save on expensive materials,
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we're gonna use a regular cable.
140
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,626
Hold on. What's going on over there?
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[ominous music plays]
142
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[gasps, grunts]
143
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[grunts]
144
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Oh, Jesus.
145
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,043
No– Jesus.
146
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,709
I thought it was the antenna that fell.
147
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It's all in place.
You can flip through the channels.
148
00:06:04,543 --> 00:06:05,543
Well, finally.
149
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,459
Grażynka! Go turn on the TV!
150
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,459
[Domino] Hey, boss, it's not good.
151
00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:15,251
[whispering indistinctly]
152
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,543
You're goddamn right.
153
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It's really not good at all.
154
00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:21,126
No, it's abso-fucking awesome.
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[theme music plays]
156
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[groaning]
157
00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:28,043
[groaning]
158
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:29,709
Oh, Jesus.
159
00:06:30,209 --> 00:06:31,876
Oh wow, Mud… [belches]
160
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I'm totally stuffed!
161
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[belches]
162
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Like a drunk auntie
at a wedding reception.
163
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[belches]
164
00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:40,209
So maybe we can go then?
165
00:06:40,293 --> 00:06:41,876
Hang on a minute… [belches]
166
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:44,251
It just needs to settle a bit. [belches]
167
00:06:44,334 --> 00:06:45,251
Whoa, mama.
168
00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:47,209
[Boner] Don't move, motherfuckers!
169
00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:51,293
Or my noisy
barreled little friend I got here
170
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will pump you two undead goons
full of red hot lead, got it?
171
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[laughs]
172
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:57,584
[burps]
173
00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:58,876
[laughs mockingly]
174
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:01,334
You stupid and ignorant mortal!
175
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:04,793
Grim Slurpers like me are invincible!
176
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:08,876
At absolute worst, that little toy
of yours could only kill my servant!
177
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:10,793
Thank you very much, boss.
178
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[clicks tongue]
179
00:07:15,209 --> 00:07:16,126
[grunts]
180
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:17,334
[groans]
181
00:07:17,418 --> 00:07:19,751
Hey boss, before I die, I…
182
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:21,876
I have to admit something to you…
183
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,959
I wasn't actually feeding
on your excrement.
184
00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:29,001
I would bury it, and then I'd sneak away
and go order a pizza.
185
00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:30,334
But don't you worry.
186
00:07:30,418 --> 00:07:32,251
It was a seafood pizza,
187
00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:34,084
so even worse than shit.
188
00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:35,793
Farewell. [groans, farts]
189
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,209
Ah, you son of a bitch, how dare you!
190
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:42,209
Sorry, but I made a deal with the neighbor
and he's gonna pay me a lot of money
191
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if Wiechlina's luck starts to run dry.
192
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I'm not talking to you.
193
00:07:46,084 --> 00:07:49,876
You son of a bitch,
where did you get the money to buy pizza?
194
00:07:53,793 --> 00:07:56,043
And he's made a nasty hole in my head,
the fucker!
195
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,959
What's that going to do to my look?
196
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Magic!
197
00:08:01,168 --> 00:08:02,459
[cooing]
198
00:08:02,543 --> 00:08:05,001
Go fly!
199
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,084
[fluttering]
200
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:14,793
Fire away!
201
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:19,293
[laughs]
202
00:08:19,376 --> 00:08:20,834
And finally, now…
203
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:25,168
Oh no, please no, not the lasso!
204
00:08:25,251 --> 00:08:27,126
Let me go. I can't do any magic!
205
00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:29,793
[screams in pain]
206
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,293
Domino, step on it!
207
00:08:32,376 --> 00:08:34,376
[engine revving]
208
00:08:35,126 --> 00:08:36,209
[tires screeching]
209
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,251
[brakes squealing]
210
00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:41,126
[door slams]
211
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:43,793
Stupid fucking shitting birds!
212
00:08:43,876 --> 00:08:45,543
I'd be glad if I were you.
213
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,209
They say that it brings good luck.
214
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:48,251
I doubt it.
215
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,626
Because what I'm about to do,
my fine friend,
216
00:08:51,709 --> 00:08:54,376
is just about as far as you can get
from good luck.
217
00:08:56,126 --> 00:08:59,293
[Marcin] What now, boss? How are we
supposed to kill him if he's immortal?
218
00:08:59,376 --> 00:09:01,459
[Boner] He can't be killed
with a shovel, knife,
219
00:09:01,543 --> 00:09:03,001
or even with a machine gun.
220
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:06,334
Instead, he's getting his power
from all human misfortune.
221
00:09:06,418 --> 00:09:09,043
But he will die if you cut off his feed.
222
00:09:09,126 --> 00:09:10,251
[laughs]
223
00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:11,251
You idiots!
224
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:13,251
I don't know if any of you noticed,
225
00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:15,209
but I got so fat off this feed,
226
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:18,043
that I can easily last
a couple hundred years!
227
00:09:18,126 --> 00:09:20,043
Not to worry, my fat fiendish friend.
228
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,251
We're going to give you an accelerated
treatment for weight loss.
229
00:09:23,334 --> 00:09:24,876
Marcinek, here you go!
230
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:25,793
Err…
231
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:27,126
Your overdue salary.
232
00:09:27,209 --> 00:09:29,418
What? But… [chuckles]
233
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,043
Oh crap, thank you so much!
234
00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:33,126
Hey, just what are you trying to pull?
235
00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:36,043
But, boss, you've given me 300 too much.
236
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:37,418
No, that's correct.
237
00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:39,543
You've just been given a raise!
You hear that?
238
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,376
Oh, boss, do you mean it?
239
00:09:41,459 --> 00:09:43,126
Ha, I… [laughs joyfully]
240
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,376
You sneaky little bastard,
I see what you're trying to do!
241
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:47,918
Oh, I get it now!
242
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:51,209
Grim Slurpers start to lose their power
when people are really happy!
243
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:52,876
In a few minutes, he'll be done for.
244
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,209
Hold on. [laughs]
245
00:09:55,293 --> 00:09:57,334
The little shit's not happy at all.
He's pretending.
246
00:09:57,418 --> 00:09:58,793
[in singsong] I'm going to be fine!
247
00:09:58,876 --> 00:10:00,543
What? You're not happy yet?
248
00:10:00,626 --> 00:10:03,459
-Boss, I've never been happier in my life!
-[Domino] Got it!
249
00:10:03,543 --> 00:10:05,876
Marcin is happy, but the boss is
as upset about the money
250
00:10:05,959 --> 00:10:08,084
as an Antichristosaurus
during a confirmation,
251
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:09,209
so it all cancels out!
252
00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:11,501
[sighs] The idiot-moron is right.
253
00:10:11,584 --> 00:10:13,626
Fine then. Marcinek, loan me a hundred.
254
00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:16,376
I'm going for a drink,
and you stay here and be happy.
255
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:18,793
This should all be over before dawn.
256
00:10:19,584 --> 00:10:20,709
-What?
-[door opens, closes]
257
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:22,418
No! Come back!
258
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:24,084
You hear me? Come back!
259
00:10:24,168 --> 00:10:26,293
Fuck, there he goes.
All right, junior, listen.
260
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,626
What the fuck are you so happy about,
you moron? You get paid every month.
261
00:10:30,709 --> 00:10:31,793
No, I do not.
262
00:10:32,459 --> 00:10:33,959
No, I do not.
263
00:10:34,043 --> 00:10:35,793
Eh, fucking shitballs.
264
00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:38,293
[grunts, farts]
265
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:40,793
[crickets chirping]
266
00:10:40,876 --> 00:10:42,209
[thunder rumbling]
267
00:10:43,918 --> 00:10:45,918
[car alarm blaring]
268
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:50,626
THE END
269
00:10:50,709 --> 00:10:52,709
[in Polish]
♪ Exorcist for less than three hundred ♪
270
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:55,793
♪ Actually, it's two hundred
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more ♪
271
00:10:55,876 --> 00:10:58,834
♪ Watch it, Beelzebutt
You're gonna get your ass kicked ♪
272
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:02,043
♪ Watch it, Buttcifer
He's aiming at you ♪
273
00:11:02,126 --> 00:11:06,126
[malevolent laugh]