1
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376
A NETFLIX SERIES

2
00:00:17,793 --> 00:00:19,168
THE FALLEN ANGEL

3
00:00:19,251 --> 00:00:23,209
Jarek! Jarek! Jarek! Jarek!

4
00:00:23,293 --> 00:00:25,959
Jarek, that's enough.
You're killing the starter!

5
00:00:26,043 --> 00:00:28,126
-What?
-Stop revving the engine!

6
00:00:28,209 --> 00:00:30,793
You know that you're gonna
damage the starter and kill my battery!

7
00:00:30,876 --> 00:00:33,626
And then we'll have to go to the mechanic,
so we won't be going fishing.

8
00:00:33,709 --> 00:00:37,334
Yeah, right, dude. You know as much
about cars as I know about…

9
00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:38,293
everything.

10
00:00:44,126 --> 00:00:44,959
I told you.

11
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,709
What now?

12
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,793
-Our only hope is to push start it.
-What?

13
00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,459
Get out, let's fucking push.

14
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:53,126
Is the ignition on? Is it in neutral?

15
00:00:53,209 --> 00:00:56,376
It is. It is. By the way, Maciek,
stop being so bossy.

16
00:00:56,459 --> 00:00:58,459
Out of the two of us,
I'm the one with a license.

17
00:00:58,543 --> 00:01:00,751
The fact that they took mine away
for three months

18
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:03,084
certainly doesn't mean
that I can't start a car any longer.

19
00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:04,543
Besides, the cops took it unfairly.

20
00:01:04,626 --> 00:01:06,793
Because 0.12% Blood Alcohol Content
is nothing.

21
00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:08,709
I bet you have more than that
right now, buddy.

22
00:01:08,793 --> 00:01:11,959
Well yeah, as long as I'm not blowing,
it's zero. You push?

23
00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:15,376
No, I'm fucking shitting. One, two, three!

24
00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:21,168
Second gear!

25
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,418
Jarek, help me, dude!

26
00:01:32,876 --> 00:01:35,668
Holy fuck. Did you just fall?

27
00:01:35,751 --> 00:01:37,543
Um, no, I didn't.

28
00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:39,543
Oh, yeah, gentlemen, I… I can explain.

29
00:01:39,626 --> 00:01:42,876
There is no place in heaven
for fallen angels like you.

30
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,543
Stefan, use the decanonizator!

31
00:01:45,626 --> 00:01:47,626
DECANONIZATOR
ZDZIWISZ 2000

32
00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:52,584
Straight down to hell.

33
00:01:55,584 --> 00:01:56,543
All right, let's pounce.

34
00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:57,793
-Wait, Stefan.
-What?

35
00:01:57,876 --> 00:02:00,626
Who is gonna issue a ticket
for parking directly on the grass?

36
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,376
Fucking hell.

37
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:10,959
What? I can't be close to
going over my data limit.

38
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,668
I have the same problem.

39
00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:15,376
A few romantic trips to the toilet
and I'm out of gigabytes.

40
00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:17,709
And when you're watching porn in HD,

41
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:19,709
it can happen more quickly
than you might think.

42
00:02:19,793 --> 00:02:21,751
Wait, how can you possibly
have the same problem?

43
00:02:21,834 --> 00:02:23,209
You don't even have a cell phone.

44
00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:24,959
Well, that is why I use yours.

45
00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,876
No way! Fine, that's it,
I'm changing my password today.

46
00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:30,126
You just do that.
I will sneak a peek anyway.

47
00:02:30,209 --> 00:02:32,876
Boss, can I surf the Internet
on your desktop computer?

48
00:02:32,959 --> 00:02:34,668
-Nope!
-Come on!

49
00:02:34,751 --> 00:02:37,543
By the way, I wanted to ask
about my paycheck for this past month.

50
00:02:37,626 --> 00:02:39,501
Fine, surf the net.

51
00:02:39,584 --> 00:02:41,876
Just don't download viruses
like you usually do.

52
00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:44,293
What viruses? What do you mean "download"?

53
00:02:44,376 --> 00:02:46,168
I just troll the forums online.

54
00:02:46,251 --> 00:02:47,209
Oh, for example.

55
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:49,376
This interesting vegan forum. That'll do.

56
00:02:49,459 --> 00:02:52,168
I'm gonna create
a brand-new thread.

57
00:02:52,251 --> 00:02:53,251
And let's go.

58
00:02:53,334 --> 00:02:56,668
"Do you practice intermittent fasting
on Fridays?"

59
00:02:56,751 --> 00:02:57,668
And posted.

60
00:02:57,751 --> 00:03:01,793
And watch.
Shitstorm starts in three, two, and one…

61
00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,918
And it's starting now.

62
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,668
Responding.

63
00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:09,876
"If meat is such shit,
then why do you continue to eat products

64
00:03:09,959 --> 00:03:12,293
that imitate the taste,
and smell, and look

65
00:03:12,376 --> 00:03:16,043
of burgers, pork chops,
and sausage, etcetera?"

66
00:03:16,584 --> 00:03:19,126
And… Enter.

67
00:03:21,293 --> 00:03:22,459
<i>Dear diary,</i>

68
00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:25,584
<i>I am writing to you today</i>

69
00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:28,459
<i>because it's already past eleven o'clock</i>,

70
00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:31,001
<i>and the cattle have finally gone to sleep.</i>

71
00:03:32,751 --> 00:03:35,001
<i>That's right, I am a shepherd.</i>

72
00:03:35,668 --> 00:03:38,043
<i>Most would say, "Fucking awesome gig'."</i>

73
00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:39,668
<i>"Whatever job you can get, right?"</i>

74
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:42,209
<i>"Don't complain,</i>
<i>you can get used to the stench.'"</i>

75
00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,793
<i>"You could have been a TikToker,</i>
<i>even though that's really a cringe."</i>

76
00:03:45,876 --> 00:03:49,459
<i>Sadly, the animals are very irritable.</i>

77
00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:52,126
<i>The bastards spit for no reason.</i>

78
00:03:53,251 --> 00:03:56,668
<i>I have to be careful not to,</i>
<i>God forbid, wake them,</i>

79
00:03:56,751 --> 00:03:59,626
<i>because the pressure of their jizzy spit…</i>

80
00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:02,001
<i>can really cause damage.</i>

81
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:05,584
<i>My predecessor lost an eye to their spit.</i>

82
00:04:05,668 --> 00:04:06,876
<i>Brown one.</i>

83
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,793
<i>I hope I'll have more luck.</i>

84
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,001
<i>Oh shit, what to do? What to do?</i>

85
00:04:13,084 --> 00:04:15,001
<i>I know. I'll shut up.</i>

86
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,293
<i>Phew. That was a stroke of luck.</i>

87
00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:34,876
<i>And a fart.</i>

88
00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:36,709
<i>Back to the fucking point.</i>

89
00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:40,918
<i>Dear diary, I know you receive</i>
<i>thousands of such requests,</i>

90
00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:42,918
<i>but could you lend me some money?</i>

91
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:45,001
<i>Not much. Four zloty thirty.</i>

92
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,626
<i>That's the cost of a plonk in hell.</i>

93
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,459
Hey, it wasn't me!

94
00:04:59,543 --> 00:05:03,126
<i>Um… Goodbye, diary.</i>

95
00:05:04,376 --> 00:05:06,293
All right, let's change the subject.

96
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,668
How about trolling the exorcists' forum?

97
00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,751
Uh-huh. I'm not the only one.

98
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:13,793
Don't worry, relax. We will completely
mow down the competition.

99
00:05:13,876 --> 00:05:16,501
Hey, Domino, what is the best way
to handle an internet troll?

100
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,876
Well, maybe fuck with him somehow.

101
00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:21,751
Are you fucking crazy? That's exactly
what the troll wants you to do.

102
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:24,918
-Um, maybe ignore him then.
-Amateur. Ugh!

103
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:28,418
Who really cares that we don't reply
if 30 people are arguing with him.

104
00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:29,501
Then I really don't know.

105
00:05:29,584 --> 00:05:31,043
You should absolutely agree with him,

106
00:05:31,126 --> 00:05:33,376
and agree with all of his opinions,
and like all his posts.

107
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,959
-Seriously?
-Oh hell yeah!

108
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,293
That's exactly it.

109
00:05:36,376 --> 00:05:39,084
Taunt17 is totally right
unlike the rest of you.

110
00:05:39,168 --> 00:05:41,001
The devil is fucking awesome, man,

111
00:05:41,084 --> 00:05:43,626
because he punishes
all the bad people." Enter.

112
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:45,959
Damn, you're so fucking right.

113
00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:49,293
"Anyways, it's just simply
not the Middle Ages anymore.

114
00:05:49,376 --> 00:05:51,459
There are no such things as demons.

115
00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:55,376
Exorcists are just tricking people
into giving their money to them."

116
00:05:55,459 --> 00:05:56,584
Enter.

117
00:05:56,668 --> 00:06:00,168
Someone just said, "The biggest failure
is that pseudo exorcist Boner.

118
00:06:00,251 --> 00:06:02,501
Not only is he a fraud,
but he's also a drunk

119
00:06:02,584 --> 00:06:04,918
with a sad, tiny limp dick.

120
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:07,626
"Hey, Taunt17, bro, my man, mad respect."

121
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:09,293
I'll show him "limp dick."

122
00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:11,834
-Give me that! Who wrote this?
-This guy.

123
00:06:11,918 --> 00:06:15,168
"Behind a keyboard,
everyone thinks they are brave.

124
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,251
Let's do a one-on-one, dickhead."

125
00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:19,209
A good troll does not any use swear words.

126
00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:21,959
I don't want to argue.
I just want to hit him.

127
00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:25,334
"Ha-ha-ha.
I invite you to come down to Hell."

128
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,918
Wait. Down to Hell?
So it's some kind of demon.

129
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,126
I knew it! "When and where?"

130
00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:35,168
"Twelve o'clock right outside
of the Stolczyk Hell Stadium."

131
00:06:35,251 --> 00:06:37,376
"You will get an ass-kicking."

132
00:06:37,459 --> 00:06:39,459
"Do you understand me?" Enter.

133
00:06:39,543 --> 00:06:42,793
<i>Dear diary, I'm sorry.</i>

134
00:06:43,293 --> 00:06:45,418
<i>I am sorry for calling you a loser.</i>

135
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:47,376
<i>But if nobody's looking, just grab it</i>

136
00:06:47,459 --> 00:06:49,793
<i>instead of waiting</i>
<i>for the salesman to come back.</i>

137
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:52,334
<i>What? That's not the point?</i>

138
00:06:52,418 --> 00:06:53,584
<i>So what is?</i>

139
00:06:53,668 --> 00:06:56,668
<i>Jeez! Was I supposed to wipe with my hand?</i>

140
00:06:56,751 --> 00:06:59,501
<i>Don't be selfish,</i>
<i>you have hundreds of pages.</i>

141
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:02,209
<i>You can't even tell</i>
<i>that you've lost a few dozen.</i>

142
00:07:02,293 --> 00:07:05,334
<i>Yes, you heard me. A few dozen.</i>

143
00:07:05,418 --> 00:07:07,709
<i>It's been happening for quite some time.</i>

144
00:07:07,793 --> 00:07:08,751
<i>Back to the point.</i>

145
00:07:09,251 --> 00:07:11,709
<i>I managed to survive the cattle attack,</i>

146
00:07:11,793 --> 00:07:14,543
<i>but I said, "That's it! I'm done."</i>

147
00:07:14,626 --> 00:07:16,168
<i>But I regret leaving the feed.</i>

148
00:07:16,251 --> 00:07:18,626
<i>I've been starving</i>
<i>for the past several minutes.</i>

149
00:07:18,709 --> 00:07:19,918
<i>But no worries.</i>

150
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,876
<i>I have got an axe</i>
<i>and an "I heart Hell" magnet.</i>

151
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,709
<i>I can flog it off in a slum.</i>

152
00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:28,918
<i>So let's hit the road</i>
<i>in the pursuit of happiness.</i>

153
00:07:34,876 --> 00:07:36,959
LZS STOLCZYK HELL

154
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:42,959
Fuck! Is he late or a chickenshit? Dammit!
Maybe that asshole's not coming at all.

155
00:07:43,043 --> 00:07:45,126
Shit, don't tell me.
Did I really get screwed again?

156
00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,918
Listen, just a minute ago, on TVN news

157
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:54,084
they said that some aggressors
are attacking the Jasna Gora Monastery.

158
00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:57,668
I immediately got into my car
and drove here to do my civic duty

159
00:07:57,751 --> 00:08:01,209
and defend the church,
but this is one big provocation.

160
00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:02,959
People, there's no one here.

161
00:08:03,043 --> 00:08:06,459
No one is attacking Jasna Gora.
What the fuck are y'all talking about?

162
00:08:06,543 --> 00:08:07,626
<i> Hello, sir?</i>

163
00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:09,709
-Excuse me.
-<i>Could it be?</i>

164
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,418
Would you like to buy
a souvenir shepherd's axe?

165
00:08:12,501 --> 00:08:14,043
Or maybe a special fridge magnet?

166
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,376
Are you Taunt17?

167
00:08:15,459 --> 00:08:17,459
-What?
-Tell me, are you Taunt17?

168
00:08:17,543 --> 00:08:19,709
No. Jarek. Jarek Ciptas. Would you--

169
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:22,168
-Do you know this loser?
-No, I'm just new here.

170
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,918
Who would've thought that not so long ago

171
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:25,709
I was rocking it around
the Gates of Heaven.

172
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:28,376
Oh, and what I wouldn't give
to go back there now, you know.

173
00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:30,709
-Like what?
-I don't know. My shepherd's axe?

174
00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,584
Help me find this stupid guy,

175
00:08:32,668 --> 00:08:35,543
and I will help you get back to Heaven.
Free. No cost to you.

176
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,876
Really? May I?

177
00:08:38,209 --> 00:08:41,918
Hmm. Not so smart after all.
He logged into the forum via Facebook.

178
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:45,501
I will just open that. Oh, he posted links
to some of his auctions.

179
00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:48,376
And there. " A car radio,
used for over three whole years,

180
00:08:48,459 --> 00:08:50,209
without a panel or a user manual."

181
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:53,293
So buy now.
Full payment in cash upon delivery.

182
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:55,793
Pick up in person later today. And done.

183
00:08:55,876 --> 00:08:59,626
-Man, why the hell would I need a radio?
-Not the radio, but the address.

184
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:09,334
Undefeated!
Now let's get right back to it.

185
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:13,209
"Walaszek, you fucking fatty,
when is the new--"

186
00:09:13,293 --> 00:09:15,084
Czarek, someone's here to see you.

187
00:09:15,168 --> 00:09:16,876
Hi, Taunt17.

188
00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:18,209
Do you recognize me?

189
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:20,376
Hey, what the fuck?

190
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,959
It's Boner. Bogdan Boner!

191
00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:24,668
Wow, are you for real?

192
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:28,293
Get the hell out of my fucking room,
or I'll have you banned from the chat.

193
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:31,751
You're just a fucking armchair warrior.

194
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:36,543
What are you--

195
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:44,043
"C, colon, Windows. Delete."

196
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,293
"Are you sure? Y, N?"

197
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,043
Please have mercy.

198
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:48,793
Y. Enter.

199
00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:52,918
FURIOUS SNAKE'S FISTS

200
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,043
Oh. Hello, ma'am?

201
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:58,209
Excuse me, do you maybe happen
to have a spare key?

202
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,168
Hello, my loyal fans.

203
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,376
This is Edzia speaking

204
00:10:01,459 --> 00:10:04,209
with a call to action
"People, wake the fuck up!"

205
00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:08,751
If you really don't want Bill Gates to put
chips in all of you timid sheep out there,

206
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,043
even in the macho men,

207
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,959
boycott high school finals.
This exam is crap.

208
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,918
Besides, it's very difficult.

209
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:16,793
Oh. Here's the first comment.

210
00:10:16,876 --> 00:10:21,251
Ah! "Since Bill Gates
is seeking to depopulate planet Earth,

211
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:24,209
leaving only the people
who are absolutely essential,

212
00:10:24,293 --> 00:10:26,168
why are you so fuckin' afraid?"

213
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,376
Uh… Boor!

214
00:10:28,459 --> 00:10:31,209
Ha-ha! I hit and sunk your battleship!

215
00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:34,876
-Oh, hey there.
-Good day--

216
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:37,709
Hey, what's this dive?
It was supposed to be Heaven!

217
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,459
Are you stupid or just fucked up?

218
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:42,501
Everyone knows the Gates of Hell
can only lead you back to Earth, dipshit.

219
00:10:42,584 --> 00:10:45,126
-Domino, bring the Gates of Heaven.
-Sure thing.

220
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:48,001
By the way, young man,
do you wanna buy this special magnet?

221
00:10:48,084 --> 00:10:48,959
Or this shepherd's ax?

222
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:51,626
-How much for the magnet?
-Not much. Four zloty thirty.

223
00:10:51,709 --> 00:10:54,959
Unfortunately, I don't have that much
on me. Or anywhere else for that matter.

224
00:10:55,043 --> 00:10:58,501
-There. I turned it on.
-Finally. Hooray, home!

225
00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:01,584
<i> Where are you going?</i>
<i>Get out, you horned freak!</i>

226
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:02,959
<i>Probably unvaccinated too.</i>

227
00:11:03,043 --> 00:11:05,793
This sucks. I'm forever cursed.

228
00:11:05,876 --> 00:11:09,459
Can you guys please send me back to Hell?
I really think it was a bit better there.

229
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:12,584
Who goes to Heaven with horns like that?
Wait right here.

230
00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:15,543
<i>Good day! Which way to the go-go club?</i>

231
00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:17,334
<i>Well, sir, that depends.</i>

232
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:21,334
<i>Do you wanna shell out or are so eager</i>
<i>that you don't mind the cheap one?</i>

233
00:11:21,418 --> 00:11:24,376
-<i>Obviously, the cheap one.</i>
<i>-That's reasonable.</i>

234
00:11:24,459 --> 00:11:28,376
<i>So, go to the market-- Hey, wait!</i>
<i>What are you doing? Give it back!</i>

235
00:11:29,084 --> 00:11:31,043
-Fuck! It worked.
-Oh no!

236
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,251
Take that infernal device away from me!

237
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:36,293
They already used that thing on me
once before and this happened.

238
00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:37,834
You see, most people don't know.

239
00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:41,084
You just have to switch plus to minus
on the power supply

240
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,626
and the decanonizator
becomes a canonizator. You ready?

241
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,293
Are you fucking crazy? Wait!

242
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,126
There we go.

243
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,293
Yippee!

244
00:11:53,376 --> 00:11:55,626
Gentlemen, which way
to the nearest go-go club?

245
00:11:55,709 --> 00:11:56,543
THE END