NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
TWO-BARREL BILL
That's her.
A real beauty.
Imagine Simon's face when he sees us drive her into Hell.
I mean his ass, because he'll shit all over himself out of envy.
Luki, wait. I don't get it.
If we're about to steal a car, why don't we find something better
than a Daewoo Nubira, like an Audi?
-Audi shmaudi. -Why?
First thing I'll do when I get back to hell, I will swear at my mom.
No way this jerk is my brother.
First of all, do you know it's a high maintenance car?
A replacement part for an Audi costs... I don't know, hell of a lot,
while you can get cheap parts for a Nubira at any junkyard.
-And secondly? -And secondly...
-Let's go! -Yeah!
Get going or there will be a third. A fist punch, this time.
-Oh Jesus... -Shh, Luki!
Damn birch tree pollen. I'm more allergic to that than to holy water.
OK Barnaba, now quiet...
Achoo! Fucking shit!
What's going here? It's you again?
Correct, I told you we'd be back!
This time we've got the driver's license.
Get the dog, go back inside, open the gate
and nobody's gonna get hurt.
Gypsy!
Barnaba, show him what you can do!
We've got a radio here.
Fuck the panel, you can push the buttons with a match...
Voila!
What's wrong with the gate? Blink the lights! Maybe he forgot.
Not so fast!
Damn, Barni, give me the knife! I'll handle this!
Come on, Barnaba, we're brothers. This isn't right.
Finished. You owe me 200.
I don't know what's up with this brand.
It attracts evil like my wife attracts calories
As for the payment, I've got no cash.
Not even a penny, but I can offer something else--
Don't you even think about it.
Damn, I'm out of ammo.
Too bad for you.
Wanted to finish you off and spare you the suffering, but sorry, got no ammo.
Well then, time for me to go.
That's how I got the scar on my belly.
No one has heard of the Two-Barrel Bill every since.
Up until today...
With all due respect boss, but you're just full of shit.
Sure one can figure out the car make from the tire tracks,
but these tires are as bald as a priest-eater's balls.
And this is exactly how I know it's a Nubira.
-Maybe those were racing slicks? -Never seen ones with wires hanging out.
Let's go!
By the way, what's the difference between a priest-eater and a crossophobe?
I never know.
The priest-eater has a small dick but his balls are normal size.
The crossophobe, however, has got a smaller dick.
-What about the balls? -It depends. They're usually small.
This way!
OK, you paid for the previous round, and I was drinking.
So now the other way, I'll be drinking, and you'll be paying.
All right, sounds fair.
Here's the thing, though... I've run out of money.
No problem, Krzychu! This is what friends are for.
-I'll lend you some. -Thanks, you're a true friend.
I'll pay you back with interest. 40 percent, to be exact.
Bartender! Another round!
Hands up! It's a robbery!
Nobody moves and nobody's gonna get hurt. Except the one over there.
First... a round on me for everybody!
Hooray! Bravo!
That's it. A shot for everyone and two for me.
Hence the nickname.
Bingo! His car!
Nice ride! And they say crime doesn't pay!
Not bad! 220 mph.
Or is this voltage? It doesn't matter.
The radio's got no panel, but you can push the buttons with a match stick.
Back in hell I would've paid a fortune for wheels like that...
But the boss said the Nubira was burgundy,
and this one is black as hell. And all tuned up.
He must've repainted it. He had three years for his amateur tuning.
Amateur or not, at least it's running, unlike our piece of junk.
You fucked up the starter!
You're the one telling me to keep rolling it on for half an hour!
Forget about the truck and focus on the action.
If things work out, we'll bury the Two-Barrel Bill
and get the keys to this baby.
Kill two birds with one stone!
Listen up...
-Cheers! -Double cheers!
Aah!
Bartender! Another round!
Hooray!
Mr. Bill, allow me to point out the bill is now over 500.
You need to pay it before you order another one.
I'm sorry, but these are our rules
And my rules say that when somebody interrupts me while drinking...
that somebody is going to lose his life.
So, pour me, unless you want me to make another shithole in your head.
-OK, I'll do it. -Hooray!
-No need to be so upset. -Call the escort service!
Get the girls. Two for me!
Hence the nickname.
-Should I say it's for a demon? -Yes. For a sex demon.
They can send over the cheap ones. I'm not picky.
East or West, the local bar's the best!
Dad, let's go back home, please. You've had enough.
I'll decide when I've had enough!
Let's go.
And this lock pick like a tiny little wiener,
by which I mean a normal one.
Here, here and there...
On the floor!
Bartender! Vodka for me and my son!
Dad, I'm not even 18 yet.
I was counting on it. I'll drink yours.
Stop!
Take it away.
-Today it's on me! -But I'm the one who's paying...
In this case, the pleasure is mine.
Shh...
And to my son!
And now...
Hands up, Two-Asshole Bill!
Ha ha ha!
The vodka's messed up your mind.
You'll be dead before you know it.
Farewell!
-What is it? -Looking for something, crossophobe?
You've got a tiny one yourself...
Ready, I'll see you in--
Go get them!
No one is shooting our benefactor!
You're not lucky my weapons got lost somewhere during the fight,
'cause now you're about to be hung!
We're goners...
Domino, you were my best buddy,
and you, boss, you were my... boss.
If this how it ends, then let me say this:
maybe I never got laid, but it was still worth it.
So let me say this: if we get out of this alive,
you'll be getting a raise, Marcinek.
And you, Domino, will start to get paid a little something.
Shut up! No time to spare!
We've got a shitload of vodka to drink! Who wants to kick the chair?
-Me! -I'm about to kick you!
Uh-oh...
-Bye bye... -Good night...
What did I tell you? You're supposed to go home straight from work.
-Come on, Jadzia... -Don't Jadzia me, go home!
Wait a moment, what's going on here?
-Ouch. -Shut up or I'll slap you again.
Oh no, no broad is gonna--
Good bye...
Let's go!
That's what you call luck!
You promised, boss!
OK, I was kidding!
THE END
Subtitle translation by Lukas Bulka