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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
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[theme music playing]
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PAID SECURED PARKING
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DOUBLE-SHOT BILL
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[thrilling music playing]
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[ethereal music playing]
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There it is.
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Beautiful.
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I can already see Szymon's ugly face
when we get back to hell.
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Or Szymon's fat ass,
'cause he's gonna shit himself with envy.
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Luki, wait, I don't understand.
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So we're already stealing a car, right?
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Let's aim for something a bit better
than a Dodge Intrepid.
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Like for example an Audi.
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-Audi Schmaudi, dammit!
-What's wrong?
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Barnaba, when we get back to Hell,
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the first thing I'm gonna do is
take the Intrepid to cuss out our mother,
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because it's impossible for a moron
like you to be my brother.
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First of all,
do you know how high-maintenance it is?
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A part for an Audi,
when it decides to break,
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is going to cost you, I don't know, a lot.
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But for an Intrepid,
a part costs as much as junkyard scrap.
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And second of all?
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-And second of all…
-Ow!
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-Let's go!
-Hey!
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Move, or you'll get a third of all…
with a fist.
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[thrilling music playing]
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-Oh, geez.
-Shh, Luki!
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[uneasy music playing]
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[thrilling music playing]
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[long wind-up to a sneeze, sneezing]
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Shit, that fucking birch pollen
had to start right now.
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I'm more allergic to it
than I am to fucking holy water.
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[whispering] All right, Barnaba,
now stay quiet…
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[wind-up to a sneeze, loud sneeze]
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-God-fucking-dammit!
-[car alarm blaring]
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[barking]
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[Barnaba screams]
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What on earth's going on out here?
You again?
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That's right. It's me.
Just like I warned you.
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And this time around,
we brought our official driver's license!
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Now grab that dog, get back in your shed,
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and open up the gate for us.
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You do all that
and nobody has to get hurt, got it?
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-[scared grunt] Scatty!
-[Scatty barking]
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[whistling]
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[panting]
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Barnaba.
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Show me what you can do, my friend.
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[car alarm blaring]
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[alarm stops]
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[clanking]
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There's a radio and everything.
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Fuck, no control panel.
Press the buttons with a match.
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-[engine starts]
-Voilà!
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Shit. The guy didn't get
the fucking gate up.
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Flash the headlights at him.
Maybe he forgot.
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Not so fast, assholes!
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-[choking]
-[engine revving]
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Oh, dammit, Barnaba.
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Bro, gimme the knife. I'll kill the moron!
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[screaming]
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[grunts]
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Barnaba, what are you doing, man?
We're brothers. This is so wrong!
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[screaming]
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[grunts]
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All done. That will be 200.
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No idea what's wrong with this model,
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but it attracts evil
like my old lady attracts calories.
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And as for your payment, I'm afraid
I just do not have that kind of money.
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Actually, I don't have any money at all,
but I've got something much better--
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-[gun firing]
-[grunts]
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[gun firing]
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-[ominous music plays]
-[blows]
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[tense music plays]
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Don't even think about it there, partner.
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[classical music playing]
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[stomps in slow motion]
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[tense music playing]
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[clicking]
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Ah, dammit. Looks like I'm out of ammo.
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[dramatic music plays]
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[frantic music playing]
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[punching]
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[gun fires]
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[clicks]
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How unfortunate. That's bad luck.
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I wanted to put you out of your misery,
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but I'm all out of bullets for that too.
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Oh well, time to get going.
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Yee-haw!
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[engine starts]
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[tires screeching
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[Boner] That's how I got that scar
on my stomach.
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And since then, nobody's reported
seeing Double-Shot Bill again.
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-[Domino urinating]
-Until today.
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Boss, so with all due respect,
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what you're saying
is a steaming pile of crap.
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Identifying a car by its tire marks?
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00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:55,751
Fine, maybe it's possible,
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but those four car tires look about
as bald as a Priest Eater's balls.
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I know. That's why it's obvious that
those tracks are clearly from a Dodge.
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Maybe they were slick rally tires
or something?
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Slicks don't have wires sticking out.
Follow me!
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Actually, what's the difference between
a Priest Eater and a Crossophobe?
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I never know.
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A Priest Eater has a small dick,
but the balls are normal size,
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and a Crossophobe has a smaller dick.
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-Mm-hmm. And the balls?
-That depends. Usually small.
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This way!
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BENDER BAR
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[man] Krzychu, the last round was on you
and I drank.
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Now I'll drink, and the round is on you.
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-All right?
-[grunts]
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Sure, that seems fair to me, I guess.
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That'll be all right.
But, Maras, there's a dumb issue.
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Looks like I'm all out of cash.
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No problem, Krzychu!
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What are best friends for?
120
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I'll loan you some.
121
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Thank you, Marecki.
122
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You know,
you really, really are a true friend.
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I'll give it back with interest.
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40% like a good proof vodka.
125
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Barman! Another round.
126
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Put your hands up, everybody.
This is a robbery!
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-[indistinct chatter]
-[upbeat music playing]
128
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[chatter, music stops]
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All right, listen, nobody move and nobody,
except for that guy,
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is gonna get hurt, you hear me?
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[ominous music playing]
132
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But first of all…
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I'm buying a round of shots for everyone.
It'll be my treat!
134
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[all cheering]
135
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That's right!
I'm buying one shot for everyone
136
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and two shots for me!
137
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Hence the nickname.
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Bingo! That's his car there.
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Ah, man, what a beautiful sweet ride.
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Well, well.
And they say crime doesn't pay! [chuckles]
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[impressed whistle] Nice!
142
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It goes all the way up to 220.
143
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,126
Or are those volts? Never mind.
144
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:42,584
Ooh, a radio.
145
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No control panel, no problem.
You can press the buttons with a match.
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00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:47,584
Damn, what I would've given
for a car like that
147
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,959
when I was young and wild,
living it up in Hell.
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[Marcin] But, boss, I thought that
you said that the Dodge was dark red,
149
00:07:53,209 --> 00:07:54,959
and this one is black as hell.
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And pretty nicely kitted-out.
151
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Yeah, he repainted it.
152
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And he had three whole years
for that redneck tuning.
153
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Redneck or not, at least it runs.
154
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Unlike our piece of junk.
155
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If you hadn't screwed up the starter,
it'd still run.
156
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If you hadn't told me to try to start it
for half an hour,
157
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I wouldn't have broken it!
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Marcinek, forget the van and focus
on the mission for Christ's sakes.
159
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:16,334
If everything goes well, we'll go in,
then take care of Double-Shot Bill,
160
00:08:16,418 --> 00:08:19,418
and then we'll get the keys
for this super-sweet ride of his.
161
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:22,543
And you see, that way
we get to kill two birds with one stone!
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Now listen up, here's the plan.
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-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
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-Yeah, cheers.
-Double cheers. [laughs]
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[gulps] Ah.
166
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[gulps] Ah.
167
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Bartender! How 'bout another round?
168
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:34,876
[all cheering]
169
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:38,501
Um, Bill, sir, let me point out
that your tab has exceeded 500 złoty.
170
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,543
If you want to order another round
for these folks,
171
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you will have to settle the tab first
right now.
172
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I'm very sorry, but these are our rules.
173
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And my rules are that if someone
ever cuts off my drinking time short…
174
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[grunts] That means
I cut their life short!
175
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,418
You wanna pour us out a drink,
176
00:08:53,501 --> 00:08:56,418
or should I go ahead and make you
a new shithole in the head?
177
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:57,876
Um, I'm pouring, I'm pouring.
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[all cheering]
179
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-Why so nervous?
-Marecki!
180
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Call the agency
and order us some pretty girls.
181
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Two for me!
182
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Hence, the nickname. [chuckles]
183
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Should I say that they're for a demon?
184
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Yeah, say they're for a sex demon.
185
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[laughs]
186
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,376
Oh, and they can be the cheap ones.
I'm not fussy.
187
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:16,751
I can be happy anywhere,
188
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but it's bar sweet bar!
189
00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:21,959
Dad, please listen to me. Let's go home,
you've had enough already.
190
00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:24,543
I'm the one who says
when I've had enough, okay?
191
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Now come on!
192
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[Domino humming]
193
00:09:27,376 --> 00:09:31,168
♪ Use the lockpick like your willy
It's so thin when I'm chilly ♪
194
00:09:31,251 --> 00:09:33,209
♪ Wham-bam-bam
Thank you, ma'am ♪
195
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And there!
196
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,626
It hurts much less
when I use a lockpick. [laughs]
197
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Bartender!
A shot of vodka for me and my son!
198
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:41,793
Hey…
199
00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:44,126
Dad, but you do know
that I'm not even eighteen yet.
200
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,834
That's what I was hoping.
I'll get to drink it for you.
201
00:09:46,918 --> 00:09:47,876
[Double-Shot Bill] Stop!
202
00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:49,293
[chatter, music stops]
203
00:09:49,376 --> 00:09:52,459
-Take that back. Drinks are on me today!
-[all cheering]
204
00:09:52,543 --> 00:09:53,709
Except I'm the one paying.
205
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,959
Ah, it's my absolute pleasure then.
206
00:09:59,918 --> 00:10:01,376
[shushing]
207
00:10:02,293 --> 00:10:04,293
[thrilling music playing]
208
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,043
And for my son.
209
00:10:12,543 --> 00:10:15,209
[sighs] All right, and now…
210
00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:17,959
Put your fucking hands up,
Double-Ass Bill!
211
00:10:19,209 --> 00:10:20,668
[laughs]
212
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:23,126
That vodka shot
must've messed with your head.
213
00:10:23,209 --> 00:10:26,668
You'll be stone-cold dead before
you even think of pulling the trigger.
214
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,584
Goodbye! Uh, what the--
215
00:10:28,709 --> 00:10:30,709
Looking for these, Dickless Two-Shot?
216
00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:33,209
You're the one with a small dick, asshole!
217
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:34,334
You ready?
218
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:38,251
-See you in hell you son of a--
-Get them!
219
00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:41,459
We can't let anyone shoot
our generous benefactor!
220
00:10:41,543 --> 00:10:42,709
[all shouting]
221
00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:44,376
[Boner grunting]
222
00:10:44,459 --> 00:10:46,459
-[struggling]
-[crowd clamoring]
223
00:10:49,543 --> 00:10:51,084
I'd say you were all lucky
224
00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:54,293
that my guns got lost
during that little scuffle back there,
225
00:10:54,376 --> 00:10:57,251
except now we're going to hang you!
226
00:10:57,334 --> 00:10:58,876
[laughs]
227
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,584
[sighs] I think we're done for, Domino.
228
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:04,501
You were simply my very best friend.
229
00:11:04,584 --> 00:11:06,626
And you, boss, you… you were my…
230
00:11:07,126 --> 00:11:07,959
my boss.
231
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:11,043
If this is really how it all ends,
then I will say this.
232
00:11:11,126 --> 00:11:14,793
I might not have gotten laid,
but it was still all worth it anyway.
233
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:18,251
And I will say
that if we somehow get out of this alive,
234
00:11:18,334 --> 00:11:21,793
then I promise that you, Marcinek,
will get your very first raise,
235
00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:24,668
and you, Dumbass-Domino,
will start getting paid immediately.
236
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,001
Silence! We don't have much time!
237
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:30,334
There is still a lot of vodka to be drunk!
Which one of you wants to kick the chairs?
238
00:11:30,418 --> 00:11:32,626
-I do!
-[woman] I am going to kick you!
239
00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:34,126
Uh-oh.
240
00:11:34,209 --> 00:11:35,376
[dramatic music playing]
241
00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:37,626
-Good… [hiccuping] …bye.
-Good night.
242
00:11:37,709 --> 00:11:39,293
Honey, what did I tell you?
243
00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:41,626
Straight home from work.
What are you doing?
244
00:11:41,709 --> 00:11:42,959
Come on, sweetie, I just-- Ouch!
245
00:11:43,043 --> 00:11:45,043
Don't you "sweetie" me! Go home!
246
00:11:45,126 --> 00:11:47,709
Hey! Hold on, what's going on-- [grunts]
247
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,626
-Ouch.
-You be quiet!
248
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,709
-Or you'll get another!
-Oh no.
249
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:55,334
No woman is gonna tell me
what I can and can't-- [grunts]
250
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:56,334
Goodbye.
251
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:58,709
Let's go.
252
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,543
Phew. Now that's what
I call some good luck!
253
00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:03,959
Hey, boss, you promised, right?
254
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,418
Okay, okay, I was joking!
255
00:12:09,043 --> 00:12:09,876
THE END
256
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:12,043
[in Polish]
♪ Exorcist for less than three hundred ♪
257
00:12:12,126 --> 00:12:15,043
♪ Actually, it's two hundred
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more ♪
258
00:12:15,126 --> 00:12:18,001
♪ Watch it, Beelzebutt
You're gonna get your ass kicked ♪
259
00:12:18,084 --> 00:12:21,334
♪ Watch it, Buttcifer
He's aiming at you ♪
260
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:26,793
[malevolent laugh]