1
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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

2
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PAID SECURED PARKING

3
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DOUBLE-SHOT BILL

4
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There it is.

5
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Beautiful.

6
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I can already see Szymon's ugly face
when we get back to hell.

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Or Szymon's fat ass,
'cause he's gonna shit himself with envy.

8
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Luki, wait, I don't understand.

9
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So we're already stealing a car, right?

10
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Let's aim for something a bit better
than a Dodge Intrepid.

11
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Like for example an Audi.

12
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-Audi Schmaudi, dammit!
-What's wrong?

13
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Barnaba, when we get back to Hell,

14
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the first thing I'm gonna do is
take the Intrepid to cuss out our mother,

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because it's impossible for a moron
like you to be my brother.

16
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First of all,
do you know how high-maintenance it is?

17
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A part for an Audi,
when it decides to break,

18
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is going to cost you, I don't know, a lot.

19
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But for an Intrepid,
a part costs as much as junkyard scrap.

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And second of all?

21
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-And second of all…
-Ow!

22
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-Let's go!
-Hey!

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Move, or you'll get a third of all…
with a fist.

24
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-Oh, geez.
-Shh, Luki!

25
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Shit, that fucking birch pollen
had to start right now.

26
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I'm more allergic to it
than I am to fucking holy water.

27
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All right, Barnaba,
now stay quiet…

28
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God-fucking-dammit!

29
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What on earth's going on out here?
You again?

30
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That's right. It's me.
Just like I warned you.

31
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And this time around,
we brought our official driver's license!

32
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Now grab that dog, get back in your shed,

33
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and open up the gate for us.

34
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You do all that
and nobody has to get hurt, got it?

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Scatty!

36
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Barnaba.

37
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Show me what you can do, my friend.

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There's a radio and everything.

39
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Fuck, no control panel.
Press the buttons with a match.

40
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Voilà!

41
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Shit. The guy didn't get
the fucking gate up.

42
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Flash the headlights at him.
Maybe he forgot.

43
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Not so fast, assholes!

44
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Oh, dammit, Barnaba.

45
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Bro, gimme the knife. I'll kill the moron!

46
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Barnaba, what are you doing, man?
We're brothers. This is so wrong!

47
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All done. That will be 200.

48
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No idea what's wrong with this model,

49
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but it attracts evil
like my old lady attracts calories.

50
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And as for your payment, I'm afraid
I just do not have that kind of money.

51
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Actually, I don't have any money at all,
but I've got something much better--

52
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Don't even think about it there, partner.

53
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Ah, dammit. Looks like I'm out of ammo.

54
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How unfortunate. That's bad luck.

55
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I wanted to put you out of your misery,

56
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but I'm all out of bullets for that too.

57
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Oh well, time to get going.

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Yee-haw!

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[tires screeching

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That's how I got that scar
on my stomach.

61
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And since then, nobody's reported
seeing Double-Shot Bill again.

62
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Until today.

63
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Boss, so with all due respect,

64
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what you're saying
is a steaming pile of crap.

65
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Identifying a car by its tire marks?

66
00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:55,751
Fine, maybe it's possible,

67
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:59,043
but those four car tires look about
as bald as a Priest Eater's balls.

68
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I know. That's why it's obvious that
those tracks are clearly from a Dodge.

69
00:06:02,459 --> 00:06:04,459
Maybe they were slick rally tires
or something?

70
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Slicks don't have wires sticking out.
Follow me!

71
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Actually, what's the difference between
a Priest Eater and a Crossophobe?

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I never know.

73
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A Priest Eater has a small dick,
but the balls are normal size,

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and a Crossophobe has a smaller dick.

75
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-Mm-hmm. And the balls?
-That depends. Usually small.

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This way!

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BENDER BAR

78
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Krzychu, the last round was on you
and I drank.

79
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Now I'll drink, and the round is on you.

80
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All right?

81
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Sure, that seems fair to me, I guess.

82
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That'll be all right.
But, Maras, there's a dumb issue.

83
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Looks like I'm all out of cash.

84
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No problem, Krzychu!

85
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What are best friends for?

86
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I'll loan you some.

87
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Thank you, Marecki.

88
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You know,
you really, really are a true friend.

89
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I'll give it back with interest.

90
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40% like a good proof vodka.

91
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Barman! Another round.

92
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Put your hands up, everybody.
This is a robbery!

93
00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:05,626
All right, listen, nobody move and nobody,
except for that guy,

94
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is gonna get hurt, you hear me?

95
00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:16,126
But first of all…

96
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I'm buying a round of shots for everyone.
It'll be my treat!

97
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That's right!
I'm buying one shot for everyone

98
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and two shots for me!

99
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Hence the nickname.

100
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Bingo! That's his car there.

101
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Ah, man, what a beautiful sweet ride.

102
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Well, well.
And they say crime doesn't pay!

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Nice!

104
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It goes all the way up to 220.

105
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Or are those volts? Never mind.

106
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:42,584
Ooh, a radio.

107
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No control panel, no problem.
You can press the buttons with a match.

108
00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:47,584
Damn, what I would've given
for a car like that

109
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when I was young and wild,
living it up in Hell.

110
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But, boss, I thought that
you said that the Dodge was dark red,

111
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and this one is black as hell.

112
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And pretty nicely kitted-out.

113
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Yeah, he repainted it.

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And he had three whole years
for that redneck tuning.

115
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Redneck or not, at least it runs.

116
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Unlike our piece of junk.

117
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If you hadn't screwed up the starter,
it'd still run.

118
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If you hadn't told me to try to start it
for half an hour,

119
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I wouldn't have broken it!

120
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Marcinek, forget the van and focus
on the mission for Christ's sakes.

121
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If everything goes well, we'll go in,
then take care of Double-Shot Bill,

122
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and then we'll get the keys
for this super-sweet ride of his.

123
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And you see, that way
we get to kill two birds with one stone!

124
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Now listen up, here's the plan.

125
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-Yeah, cheers.
-Double cheers.

126
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Ah.

127
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Ah.

128
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Bartender! How 'bout another round?

129
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:38,501
Um, Bill, sir, let me point out
that your tab has exceeded 500 złoty.

130
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,543
If you want to order another round
for these folks,

131
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you will have to settle the tab first
right now.

132
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I'm very sorry, but these are our rules.

133
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And my rules are that if someone
ever cuts off my drinking time short…

134
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That means
I cut their life short!

135
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You wanna pour us out a drink,

136
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or should I go ahead and make you
a new shithole in the head?

137
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Um, I'm pouring, I'm pouring.

138
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-Why so nervous?
-Marecki!

139
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Call the agency
and order us some pretty girls.

140
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Two for me!

141
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Hence, the nickname.

142
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Should I say that they're for a demon?

143
00:09:08,043 --> 00:09:10,501
Yeah, say they're for a sex demon.

144
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Oh, and they can be the cheap ones.
I'm not fussy.

145
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I can be happy anywhere,

146
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but it's bar sweet bar!

147
00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:21,959
Dad, please listen to me. Let's go home,
you've had enough already.

148
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I'm the one who says
when I've had enough, okay?

149
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Now come on!

150
00:09:33,293 --> 00:09:34,959
And there!

151
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,626
It hurts much less
when I use a lockpick.

152
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Bartender!
A shot of vodka for me and my son!

153
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:41,793
Hey…

154
00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:44,126
Dad, but you do know
that I'm not even eighteen yet.

155
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That's what I was hoping.
I'll get to drink it for you.

156
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Stop!

157
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Take that back. Drinks are on me today!

158
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Except I'm the one paying.

159
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Ah, it's my absolute pleasure then.

160
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And for my son.

161
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All right, and now…

162
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Put your fucking hands up,
Double-Ass Bill!

163
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:23,126
That vodka shot
must've messed with your head.

164
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You'll be stone-cold dead before
you even think of pulling the trigger.

165
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,584
Goodbye! Uh, what the--

166
00:10:28,709 --> 00:10:30,709
Looking for these, Dickless Two-Shot?

167
00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:33,209
You're the one with a small dick, asshole!

168
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You ready?

169
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-See you in hell you son of a--
-Get them!

170
00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:41,459
We can't let anyone shoot
our generous benefactor!

171
00:10:49,543 --> 00:10:51,084
I'd say you were all lucky

172
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that my guns got lost
during that little scuffle back there,

173
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except now we're going to hang you!

174
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I think we're done for, Domino.

175
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You were simply my very best friend.

176
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And you, boss, you… you were my…

177
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my boss.

178
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If this is really how it all ends,
then I will say this.

179
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I might not have gotten laid,
but it was still all worth it anyway.

180
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:18,251
And I will say
that if we somehow get out of this alive,

181
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then I promise that you, Marcinek,
will get your very first raise,

182
00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:24,668
and you, Dumbass-Domino,
will start getting paid immediately.

183
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,001
Silence! We don't have much time!

184
00:11:27,084 --> 00:11:30,334
There is still a lot of vodka to be drunk!
Which one of you wants to kick the chairs?

185
00:11:30,418 --> 00:11:32,626
-I do!
-I am going to kick you!

186
00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:34,126
Uh-oh.

187
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-Good……bye.
-Good night.

188
00:11:37,709 --> 00:11:39,293
Honey, what did I tell you?

189
00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:41,626
Straight home from work.
What are you doing?

190
00:11:41,709 --> 00:11:42,959
Come on, sweetie, I just-- Ouch!

191
00:11:43,043 --> 00:11:45,043
Don't you "sweetie" me! Go home!

192
00:11:45,126 --> 00:11:47,709
Hey! Hold on, what's going on--

193
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,626
-Ouch.
-You be quiet!

194
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,709
-Or you'll get another!
-Oh no.

195
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:55,334
No woman is gonna tell me
what I can and can't--

196
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:56,334
Goodbye.

197
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:58,709
Let's go.

198
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,543
Phew. Now that's what
I call some good luck!

199
00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:03,959
Hey, boss, you promised, right?

200
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,418
Okay, okay, I was joking!

201
00:12:09,043 --> 00:12:09,876
THE END