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SEBUAH SIRI NETFLIX

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MALAIKAT YANG TERJATUH

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Jarek!

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Jarek, sudah. Awak merosakkan pemula!

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- Apa?
- Berhenti meligatkan enjin!

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Awak akan rosakkan pemula
dan habiskan bateri!

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Kita tak boleh pergi memancing.

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Betul. Awak arif tentang kereta
macam saya arif tentang

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segalanya.

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Dah cakap.

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Jadi?

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- Kita hanya boleh tolak.
- Apa?

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Sial. Keluar, kita tolak.

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Hidupkan pencucuhan? Gear neutral?

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Ya. Berhenti mengarah, Maciek.

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Apa pun, saya yang ada lesen.

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Dah tiga bulan lesen saya dirampas,

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tapi saya tahu hidupkan kereta.

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Lagipun, mereka tak patut rampas.
Bacaan 0.12% itu biasalah.

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Tentu awak lebih mabuk sekarang.

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Mereka tak suruh saya tiup,
jadi kosong. Mahu tolak?

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Memang tak boleh pergi. Satu, dua, tiga!

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Gear dua!

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Jarek, bantu saya!

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Sial. Awak terjatuh?

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Tak, saya tak terjatuh.

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Saya boleh beri penjelasan.

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Tiada tempat di syurga
untuk malaikat yang terjatuh.

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Stefan, tarik balik kemalaikatan dia.

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ALAT TARIK BALIK KEMALAIKATAN
ZDZIWISZ 2000

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Terus ke neraka.

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Baik, ayuh.

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- Sekejap.
- Apa?

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Siapa akan saman
sebab letak kereta atas rumput?

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Sial.

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Apa? Bagaimana data saya hampir habis?

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Saya ada masalah sama.

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Saya tengok sambil berak
kemudian data habis.

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Jika awak tonton pornografi dalam HD

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ia terus habis.

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Bagaimana awak ada masalah sama?

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Awak tiada telefon.

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Saya guna telefon awak.

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Hei! Baiklah, sudah.
Saya tukar kata laluan saya.

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Tukarlah. Saya tetap akan tahu.

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Boleh saya melayari internet
guna komputer?

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- Tak!
- Bolehlah!

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Apa pun, saya mahu tanya
tentang gaji saya.

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Baik, layari internet
tapi jangan biar ia diserang virus.

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Virus apa? Apa maksud awak "diserang"?

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Saya hanya hasut maya di forum.

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Contohnya.

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Forum pemayur. Bolehlah.

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Buat jalur baharu.

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Mari mula.

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"Kamu berpuasa pada hari Jumaat?"

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Hantar.

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Jaga-jaga. Serangan dalam tiga, dua, satu…

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Ia bermula.

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Jawab.

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"Jika daging tidak sedap,

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kenapa kamu makan produk

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yang meniru rasa
burger, cop dan sebagainya?"

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Hantar.

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<i>Ke hadapan diari,</i>

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<i>saya menulis ini kepada awak</i>

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<i>sebab sekarang dah pukul sebelas lebih</i>

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<i>dan akhirnya lembu telah tidur.</i>

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<i>Betul, saya seorang penggembala.</i>

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<i>Orang kata, "Kerja yang hebat."</i>
<i>"Tiada kerja yang memalukan."</i>

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<i>"Jangan merungut,</i>
<i>awak akan terbiasa dengan bau busuk."</i>

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<i>"Awak boleh buat TikTok,</i>
<i>ia trend terkini."</i>

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<i>Malangnya, haiwan itu mudah naik angin.</i>

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<i>Ia meludah tanpa sebab.</i>

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<i>Saya perlu berhati-hati</i>
<i>untuk tidak kejutkannya,</i>

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<i>sebab tekanan ludahnya sangat kuat</i>

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<i>sehingga ia menyakitkan.</i>

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<i>Penggembala sebelum ini hilang mata.</i>

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<i>Warna coklat.</i>

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<i>Saya harap saya lebih bertuah.</i>

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<i>Sial, saya patut buat apa?</i>

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<i>Saya akan kepit hidung.</i>

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<i>Nasib baik.</i>

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<i>Hanya kentut yang tak berbunyi.</i>

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<i>Kembali kepada topik.</i>

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<i>Ke hadapan diari, saya tahu</i>
<i>awak terima beribu permintaan ini,</i>

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<i>tapi boleh pinjamkan duit kepada saya?</i>

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<i>Sikit, empat zloty tiga puluh.</i>

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<i>Itulah harga wain murah di neraka.</i>

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Hei, bukan saya!

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<i>Selamat tinggal, diari.</i>

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Baik, tukar topik.

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Baiklah, forum penghalau hantu.

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Nampaknya ada orang lain.

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Bertenang, kita akan kurangkan persaingan.

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Bagaimana mahu uruskan
hasut maya internet?

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Mungkin awak boleh kutuk dia.

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Awak gila? Itulah yang hasut maya mahu.

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- Jangan pedulikan dia.
- Itu amatur.

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Siapa kisah kita tak balas,
dia bertengkar dengan 30 orang.

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Saya tak tahu.

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Setuju dengan dia, angguk
dan tekan butang suka.

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- Betul?
- Ya.

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Betul itu.

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Betul kata Pocisk17.

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Syaitan itu baik,

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sebab dia hukum orang jahat." Hantar.

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Sial, betul cakap awak.

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"Sekarang bukan Zaman Pertengahan.

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Syaitan tidak wujud.

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Penghalau hantu hanya menipu duit orang."

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Hantar.

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"Penghalau hantu, Boner,
memang berpura-pura.

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Selain menipu,
dia kaki mabuk dan dia lembik."

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"Pocisk17, hormat."

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Saya akan tunjuk "lembik."

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- Beri! Siapa tulis?
- Dia tulis.

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"Di sebalik papan kekunci,
semua orang berani.

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Marilah cari saya, bangsat."

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Hasut maya tak guna kata makian.

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Saya mahu tumbuk muka dia,
bukan bertengkar.

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"Kelakar. Saya jemput awak ke neraka."

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Ke neraka? Jadi ia sejenis syaitan.

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Saya dah agak! "Bila dan di mana?"

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"Pukul 12 di luar
Stadium Neraka Stolczyk."

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"Awak cakap, awak mampus." Hantar.

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<i>Ke hadapan diari, saya minta maaf.</i>

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<i>Maaf saya cakap awak orang yang lemah.</i>

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<i>Jika tiada orang tengok, ambil.</i>

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<i>Jangan tunggu jurujual itu kembali.</i>

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<i>Apa? Bukan itu masalahnya?</i>

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<i>Jadi apa?</i>

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<i>Aduhai! Saya perlu lap guna apa?</i>
<i>Tangan saya?</i>

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<i>Jangan pentingkan diri,</i>
<i>awak ada beratus halaman.</i>

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<i>Awak tak sedar</i>
<i>beberapa halaman dah hilang.</i>

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<i>Ya, betul, beberapa dozen.</i>

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<i>Dah lama ia berlaku.</i>

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<i>Kembali kepada tajuk.</i>
<i>Saya terselamat daripada serangan lembu,</i>

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<i>tapi saya kata, "Sudahlah.</i>

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<i>Saya pergi dulu."</i>

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<i>Tapi saya tertinggal makanan.</i>

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<i>Dah berpuluh minit saya kelaparan.</i>

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<i>Tapi jangan risau.</i>

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<i>Saya ada kapak penggembala</i>
<i>dan magnet "cinta neraka".</i>

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<i>Tapi saya tak rasa</i>
<i>saya boleh jual dengan cepat.</i>

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<i>Jadi marilah kita mengejar kebahagiaan.</i>

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NERAKA LZS STOLCZYK

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Jahanam! Dia lambat atau dia penakut?
Mungkin dia tak akan datang.

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Saya ditipu lagi?

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Dengar, seminit lalu,
dalam berita TVN, mereka kata,

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penceroboh serang Biara Jasna Gora.

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Saya masuk kereta dan datang
untuk menjalankan tugas

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dan mempertahankan gereja,
tapi ia provokasi yang besar.

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Tiada siapa di sini.

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Tiada siapa serang Jasna Gora.
Apa yang mereka cakap?

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<i>Helo, maafkan saya?</i>

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- Tuan.
<i>- Itu dia?</i>

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Mahu beli cenderamata kapak penggembala?

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Atau magnet peti sejuk?

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Pocisk17?

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- Apa?
- Awak Pocisk17?

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Tak, saya Jarek Ciptas. Awak mahu…

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- Kenal dia?
- Tak, saya orang baru.

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Siapa sangka sebelum ini
saya bergembira di syurga?

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Saya mahu kembali ke sana.

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- Apa?
- Entah, kapak penggembala saya?

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Tolong saya cari lelaki ini,

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dan saya akan tolong awak, secara percuma.

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Betul? Boleh?

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Kurang pintar. Dia log masuk
forum melalui Facebook.

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Buka. Dia letak pautan untuk lelongan dia.

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Ini dia. "Radio kereta, terpakai,
tanpa panel dan manual."

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Beli sekarang. Bayar waktu terima.

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Ambil sendiri. Selesai.

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Kenapa saya perlu radio?

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Bukan radio, tapi alamat.

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Juara bertahan!

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Sekarang, secara tradisi.
"Walaszek, budak gemuk, bila…"

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Czarek, ada orang cari awak.

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Hai, Pocisk17.

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Awak kenal saya?

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Marcin?

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Mampuslah. Bogdan Boner!

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Wah, biar betul.

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Keluar dari bilik saya,
atau awak akan diharamkan.

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Berani di alam maya,
penakut di alam sebenar.

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Awak buat apa?

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"Padam semuanya."

189
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"Awak yakin?"

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Kasihani saya.

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Hantar.

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GENGGAMAN ULAR GARANG

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Maaf, puan.

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Maaf, ada kunci simpanan?

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Helo, peminat saya. Edzia bercakap.

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Hari ini, saya menyeru kamu.
Sedarlah, semua.

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00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:08,751
Jika kamu tak mahu Bill Gates
letak cip dalam badan kamu,

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termasuk lelaki,

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boikot peperiksaan sekolah menengah.
Ia mengarut.

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Lagipun, ia sangat sukar.

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Ini komen pertama.

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"Memandangkan Bill Gates
mahu mengurangkan populasi dunia,

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dan hanya mengekalkan
orang yang diperlukan,

204
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kenapa awak takut sangat?"

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Biadab!

206
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Tembak dan tenggelam!

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- Salam sejahtera.
- Salam…

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Tempat apakah ini? Sepatutnya ia syurga!

209
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,459
Bodoh atau bingung?

210
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:42,501
Melalui Pagar Neraka,
awak hanya boleh masuk bumi.

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- Domino, bawa Pagar Syurga.
- Baik.

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Apa pun, kawan, awak mahu beli magnet ini?

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00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:48,959
Atau kapak?

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- Berapa harga magnet?
- Empat zloty tiga puluh.

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Malangnya, saya tiada duit.
Duit simpanan pun tiada.

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- Itu dia. Saya dah hidupkan.
- Akhirnya boleh balik!

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<i>Awak mahu ke mana? Keluarlah, bangsat!</i>

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<i>Mungkin tak divaksin.</i>

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Disumpah selamanya.

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00:11:05,876 --> 00:11:09,459
Boleh hantar saya ke neraka?
Saya rasa di sana lebih baik.

221
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:12,793
Siapa masuk syurga dengan tanduk itu?
Tunggu sekejap.

222
00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:15,543
<i>Salam sejahtera.</i>
<i>Di mana kelab tarian bogel?</i>

223
00:11:15,626 --> 00:11:18,668
<i>Tuan, bergantung</i>
<i>sama ada awak mahu bayar lebih</i>

224
00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:21,543
<i>atau awak terdesak,</i>
<i>awak sanggup ambil yang murah.</i>

225
00:11:21,626 --> 00:11:24,251
<i>- Awak tahulah, yang murah.</i>
<i>- Betul itu.</i>

226
00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:28,376
<i>Jadi, pergi ke pasar… Sekejap!</i>
<i>Awak buat apa? Kembalikannya!</i>

227
00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:31,043
- Ia berjaya.
- Alamak!

228
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,001
Jauhkan alat jahanam itu!

229
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:36,293
Ia pernah digunakan terhadap saya,
tengoklah kesannya.

230
00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:37,834
Tak ramai orang tahu,

231
00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:41,084
awak hanya perlu tukarkan
suis tambah kepada tolak

232
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,626
dan awak akan dapat semula
kemalaikatan awak. Sedia?

233
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,293
Awak dah gila? Sekejap!

234
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,126
Selesai.

235
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:55,626
Lompat! Tuan-tuan,
di mana kelab tarian bogel terdekat?

236
00:11:55,709 --> 00:11:56,543
TAMAT

237
00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,584
<i>Penghalau hantu kurang tiga ratus</i>

238
00:11:58,668 --> 00:12:01,918
<i>Sebenarnya, dua ratus</i>
<i>Jika mahu bil, bayarlah lebih</i>

239
00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,959
<i>Jaga-jaga, Beelzebutt</i>
<i>Awak akan dibelasah</i>

240
00:12:05,043 --> 00:12:08,043
<i>Jaga-jaga, Buttcifer</i>
<i>Dia menyasarkan awak</i>

241
00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:11,543
Terjemahan sari kata oleh
Zarifah Kamarulhisham