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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
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Rysiek. Rysiek. Rysiek.
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A BABY FROM HELL
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Rysiek!
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Your husband really is a lightweight.
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Rysiek! Bottoms up, buddy!
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Sylwia, I'm gonna take a whiz.
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Mind the sausages.
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Mmm. Hi there, Mr. Handsome.
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You here all alone?
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Oh yeah. Oh yes.
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-Yes! Yes!
-Hold on, woman! I'm done.
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You wanna ride me to death?
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I wanna have a smoke anyway.
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Rysiek… I'm pregnant.
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Uh…
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All right, now let's find out
the sex of the baby.
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Doctor, is everything okay?
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Uh… Yes, yes, yes. It's a boy.
Thank you again for coming.
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A son. You hear that, Jowitka? A son!
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PUBLIC HOSPITAL
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-Nurse, speculum, please.
-Here you go.
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Thank you very much.
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Now let's see
what we've got going on in here.
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Wait. Good God!
What is the meaning of this?
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-Is something wrong?
-Well, I don't know.
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A claw slid out from inside of her
and took my favorite speculum.
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-Dr. Tomasz, have you been drinking?
-What? No!
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Um, I mean, yes,
but I think I know what I saw, okay?
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So, you have been drinking?
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What's a few shots of vodka
for a professional doctor like me?
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Uh, would you be willing
to share a little glass to, uh…
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…calm the nerves?
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-Rysiek!
-Can't you see?
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Even if I wanted to share,
which I don't, 'cause I don't have much,
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I couldn't.
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Well, the speculum has just disappeared,
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so I'll just have to manage
with only my two bare hands…
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Oh, fuck me!
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I will be right back, Mommy, my dear!
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Boner, you imbecile,
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why the hell did you bring
this dead Priest Eater in here?
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For one secundo,
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I thought that
you might just be interested.
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And secondly tertio,
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he's actually not dead at all,
he's just unconscious.
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If he were just unconscious,
he wouldn't have soiled himself.
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Dead. See?
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His sphincter is relaxed.
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Get him off of my desk immediately!
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Oh, hang on!
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Holy crap! The drunk was right!
He's not dead at all.
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And he's still defecating!
He's doing it on purpose!
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Boner, don't shoot,
you're going to kill the archbishop!
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Boner, you stupid idiot,
you're going to hurt someone!
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Don't do anything. I'll take care of it!
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Boner, do something!
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Jesus, make up your mind already!
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He bit me! Hurry up!
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Stop moving around so much
or I won't be able to take the shot!
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Don't tell me you're actually gonna shoot…
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Archbishop, Your Excellency,
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take his shotgun away,
before someone gets hurt!
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Okay, okay.
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We're gonna deal with this
the way real actual men do.
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Over vodka!
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Did someone say "vodka"?
68
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No, I was just kidding.
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Stand up and fight me!
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Not only did you interrupt
my delicious meal,
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you also gave me a craving for vodka.
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I'll kill ya!
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Ow!
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Oh.
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He's lucky I didn't punch him back,
'cause he pissed me off so much,
76
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I would have hit him really hard
and done some real serious damage.
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Stop your idiotic babbling
and take me to the hospital already.
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I need a tetanus shot.
I bet he wasn't vaccinated at all.
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PUBLIC HOSPITAL
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For God's sake, Boner,
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who taught you how to drive?
A blind gorilla?
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A friend of mine.
Same guy that taught me to shoot.
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Anyway, how was I supposed to know
you had a broken car?
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I wanted to slow down.
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A normal car chokes up when you speed up.
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RECEPTION
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-Rather empty.
-Hello?
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Anybody there?
89
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Quiet. You'll wake up the other patients.
90
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Aw, fuck, come on,
this ain't the public library.
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MEDICAL PERSONNEL ONLY
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Ring, ring, dammit!
93
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You've got a patient, assholes!
94
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Shitsticks, customer service here
is worse than my company.
95
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I may not be responsive, but I'm always
asleep, drunk, and at my desk.
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And there's nobody even around here!
97
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You know what?
98
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:30,834
Thanks for the lift,
but here's some money for a cab.
99
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Just go back to your trailer.
100
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I'll manage by myself.
101
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Did you just fart?
102
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Uh, yeah.
103
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But there was a weird scream.
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Boner, something's odd.
Let's go check it out.
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I think something bad is going on here.
106
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-Fu…
-Mm-mmm…
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Um…
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Well, fudge my fucking ass!
109
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What happened here?
110
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The chief physician's
birthday party or something?
111
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Nah, it was something else,
'cause the toilets aren't covered in puke.
112
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Uh-oh!
113
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What did I say?
114
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Something is terribly wrong.
115
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Nah. This doesn't mean anything yet.
116
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Maybe the manager's off duty or something.
117
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Okay, you may be right.
This is a bit suspicious.
118
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Look over there!
119
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Holy moly! Look!
120
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Oh, I get it now.
121
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See? It's a bunch of menstruating broads.
122
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I recommend that we keep the hell out.
123
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It's not a very safe place
for any man to be right now.
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Prepare your weapon.
We're going in.
125
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Hmm, some fresh meat! Welcome.
126
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Thank you,
but there's no need for cutlery.
127
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You'd defeat world hunger while being
completely sober before defeating me!
128
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Freeze, you assholes, freeze!
129
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You've got no chance against me, morons.
130
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I've got a plan!
131
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Quickly, get to the operating room!
132
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Oh, don't tell me.
133
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I know what you've come up with.
134
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You wanna get wasted
just one last time, right?
135
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I didn't know that side of you,
but I do like the idea.
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ETHYL ALCOHOL 70%
137
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In the spirit of friendship,
let's drink some pure ethanol!
138
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I've never seen a worse bum than you.
139
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Hey, thanks a lot!
140
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Grab the syringe filled with anesthetic
and get ready to attack!
141
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I can't hold the door for long!
142
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I've been waiting for this moment
since the day I was born!
143
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So not that long. You get the gist.
144
00:08:10,709 --> 00:08:13,959
The important thing is
that it's finally here…
145
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Phew! We did it. We won!
We killed the demon!
146
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We'll only be absolutely sure of that
147
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once we've finally chopped
his ugly head off.
148
00:08:23,751 --> 00:08:26,459
Phew. Thankfully, I found a tetanus shot.
149
00:08:26,543 --> 00:08:30,001
We gotta go to the police station,
and tell the Chief what happened here.
150
00:08:30,084 --> 00:08:32,584
But if you think I'm letting you
bring this demon carcass
151
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into the car,
you're sorely mistaken, my friend.
152
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If you think that I actually care…
153
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Well, you're right.
154
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Come on. It would be such a nice trophy
to hang on my wall!
155
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Did I make it?
156
00:08:48,043 --> 00:08:51,168
Oh no! You've killed my brand-new baby!
157
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He was supposed
to inherit the farm from me!
158
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Holy cow! We also need to take care
of his old man now!
159
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:04,959
I know! I'm just trying to come up
with a funny diversion, okay?
160
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Got it!
161
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It's perfecto.
162
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Hell, I might just get one too.
163
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Give me the poster.
There's no time to waste.
164
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He's wandering all around the hospital.
He'll find us.
165
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Hey!
166
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Hello!
167
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If I were you, I'd leave your hideout
and let me kill you,
168
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just to get it over with.
169
00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:40,251
Ah, but I guess the client is king.
170
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:42,001
I'll find you anyway.
171
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There's no rush. I've got time.
172
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Almost all night.
173
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The farmer's market doesn't open
until 5:00 a.m.
174
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:50,918
Eh? What is this?
175
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:57,209
"Enema. Improves digestion and mood."
176
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"Self-service system."
177
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:02,001
I'd have to be crazy
not to get in on this.
178
00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:05,209
Oh gosh, he took the bait!
179
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Combines business and pleasure.
180
00:10:07,793 --> 00:10:09,584
The pleasure is obvious.
181
00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:12,459
And it works
to supposedly improve something.
182
00:10:12,543 --> 00:10:14,876
All right, let's do this thing already.
183
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Burns a little…
184
00:10:19,209 --> 00:10:20,751
Must be hot water in there…
185
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Oh damn, it burns!
186
00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:24,043
But I can take it. Come on.
187
00:10:24,126 --> 00:10:25,459
So are you sure about that?
188
00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:26,626
What?
189
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You Judases!
190
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Yeah, we did it!
191
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:38,918
I don't like you, but I have to admit,
sometimes your ideas are pretty good.
192
00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:40,418
Okay, we can go back.
193
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:41,668
What are you doing?
194
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ETHYL ALCOHOL 70%
195
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THE END