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A NETFLIX SERIES
2
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GRAVEDIGGER
ON DUTY 24 HOURS A DAY
3
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Be my queen
I'll be your jack
4
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When the king goes to work
I'll bang you
5
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Shit. How long is this corpse
going to take him, all night?
6
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How can we take this sinful soul?
7
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The crowd after the accident
was too big to do it,
8
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and he's been preparing him
for four hours.
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The deceased isn't a groom.
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Wait a second.
11
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-I know!
-Yeah?
12
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Let's put on our balaclavas
and get to work.
13
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We take a gun
and go in hard without a yawn.
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Shit, Przemo, that's right. Right.
15
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-But where can we get a gun?
-Easy, Blazej.
16
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I've got a plan.
17
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Be my queen
I will be your ace
18
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I'll let you play with my… dog
19
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What the hell?
20
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Some shitheads messing around.
I'll rip you to shreds!
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If I catch you!
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That's right, "Eh!"
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Dick up, hand.
24
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No, it's the other way around.
Hands up, dick!
25
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What do you want?
26
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Who are you? What are you?
27
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Wait, this is a silicone gun.
28
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That's right.
29
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So don't mess with me,
or I'll hit you with it
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and smash your head.
31
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Relax, we'll take the soul,
and we're gone.
32
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Can't you get the soul out
through a different hole?
33
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Of course we can.
34
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It's done.
35
00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:04,709
I told you. Miney mo,
in my hand is the butthole.
36
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-Hold on.
-I mean soul, not butthole.
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Either I'm imagining things,
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or you have an interest in someone dying.
39
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Of course we do. They're 20 zloty apiece.
40
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It must be a sinner's soul,
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but who isn't a sinner?
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Only 10% get thrown out.
I mean, go to heaven.
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But I get paid too for the same deceased.
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So our interests are aligned.
45
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So what?
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Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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-Do you really get 20 zloty per soul?
-Yeah.
48
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Not bad, right?
49
00:02:51,584 --> 00:02:54,043
I guess
only scrap metal collectors make more.
50
00:02:54,126 --> 00:02:55,793
This is the life.
51
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,543
The worst thing is
that you can buy alcohol in hell,
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but it can't be consumed.
53
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I don't know why people
try so hard to get to heaven
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when it's so great here.
55
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Focus, it's coming.
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A shiny, waxed car
is 80% of a date's success.
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And a good dinner,
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meaning kebab takeout, is about 60.
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And minus the face, it's about 20.
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So, if I'm counting correctly,
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I have about a 110% chance
of picking up Mariolka today.
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Nice.
63
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:57,793
And will the boss really lend you a car?
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Yeah, there's just a little catch.
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I take it with an empty tank
but return it full.
66
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Oh, boy, someone's coming. Hide!
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LAWN MOWING
CHEAP!
68
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Good afternoon.
69
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:12,959
-Afternoon. Is the boss in his office?
-Yes, he is.
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You can hear him snoring from here.
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The police wash their hands of it.
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They say each death
was an unfortunate accident
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or a wild dog attack.
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00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:22,459
Maybe they were accidents,
75
00:04:22,543 --> 00:04:25,376
but the number of deaths
in our municipality doubled.
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00:04:25,459 --> 00:04:29,001
Residents are terrified
like a liver at a bachelor party.
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Only the owner of the funeral home
is rubbing his hands
78
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because there's no competition in town,
and business is going well.
79
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If this goes on
and the population drops even further,
80
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:42,501
they'll downgrade municipality to village
and me from the mayor to village head.
81
00:04:42,584 --> 00:04:44,876
Help me, Mr. Boner,
and I'll make you rich.
82
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I agree. It will be 200 zloty.
83
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It'll be more if done officially.
84
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Officially, I'm an abstainer.
85
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So, let's get to work!
86
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Do you know what's going on in town?
87
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I have some suspicions.
88
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Marcinek and the other moron, gear up.
We're going to work.
89
00:05:03,626 --> 00:05:04,751
But how, boss?
90
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:07,543
I mean, we agreed
that I could go on a date.
91
00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:09,251
If she loves you, she'll wait.
92
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:32,084
This is the life! Twenty, 40, 60, 80…
Almost 100!
93
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:36,626
And all this in just one week
for both of us. How much did you make?
94
00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:38,793
I made a profit. Cheers!
95
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Cheers!
96
00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:44,668
I'm telling you, Roman,
once you kick the bucket,
97
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we'll spare your soul. Right, Przemo?
98
00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,293
Fuck yeah!
99
00:05:48,376 --> 00:05:52,459
But only if you pay us
20 zloty in advance. Cheers!
100
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,293
Hello? Yeah?
101
00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:59,043
I wrote it down. I'm on my way. Guys!
102
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,459
We've got another one.
103
00:06:00,543 --> 00:06:03,043
How come? We didn't set anything up today.
104
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:05,876
I guess accidents
really do happen sometimes.
105
00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:09,168
The money pushes itself into our hands!
106
00:06:09,251 --> 00:06:12,209
Born under a lucky star!
107
00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:14,959
Never mind a star, in a brothel!
108
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,126
Morning. What have we here?
109
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,793
Some out-of-town smart-ass
with a generator.
110
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Wanted to fish with electricity.
Luckily, he electrocuted himself.
111
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That's weird.
112
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The sphincters didn't leak.
113
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Whatever. I'll take what's here.
114
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Blazej. I can't eat this pizza anymore.
115
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Hello?
116
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Loony bin?
117
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Please come. Przemo's gone crazy.
He doesn't want to eat pizza.
118
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Blazej, hang up, I'm begging you.
119
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All right, you win.
120
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I'll try.
121
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You have to, Przemo.
122
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Otherwise, you're a shitty loser.
123
00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:03,918
I know, Blazej.
124
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Relax, I'll eat.
125
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But I'll leave the crust.
126
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Okay. Then, you'll just be shitty.
127
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I'll take it.
128
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Are you taking this soul or not?
129
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I've brought a client.
130
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Oh, Jesus. All right.
131
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Great. The family hasn't come forward yet,
132
00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:27,084
so I'll put him
in the most expensive suit.
133
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And I'll charge them
such a high dressing fee,
134
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when they see the bill,
they'll kick the bucket themselves.
135
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-Wow, he's still warm.
-Very good, it'll be easier.
136
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Przemo, roll him over.
137
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I'm on it.
138
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Wait, I'll leave.
139
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I don't want to look at it again.
140
00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:46,959
All right, then.
Pants down, soul on the table!
141
00:07:50,126 --> 00:07:53,043
Look, Przemo, he's a more serious player.
142
00:07:53,126 --> 00:07:55,793
I once saw a video of a jar in this place.
143
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,043
But a grenade?
144
00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:00,876
Blazej, you nutter, put it back in.
145
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,876
Relax, I know what I'm doing.
Shit, where's the pin?
146
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:13,626
What have you done, you bastard?
147
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:16,501
Blazej had all of our money in his pocket!
148
00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:18,376
I'll kill you!
149
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:22,959
Don't move!
150
00:08:25,293 --> 00:08:26,876
You want to shoot me with that?
151
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,834
I'll try.
152
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:33,168
Final on the floor!
153
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:36,334
Now wait a few minutes
for a new video to buffer.
154
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And replay!
155
00:08:37,543 --> 00:08:40,126
-Domino, what are you raving about?
-What?
156
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,834
Thank you, Mr. Boner.
157
00:08:48,918 --> 00:08:50,043
I truly thank you.
158
00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:53,584
You smashed that gang
like my brat smashed the Octavia
159
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one day after he got his license.
160
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You're welcome.
I recommend myself for the future.
161
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I hope there won't be
another occasion for that. Bye.
162
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,626
What about him? Should we kill him?
163
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:08,251
We'll lose money. Let's throw him
into someone's basement for now.
164
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,209
He'll get a bullet
after we get paid for undeviling.
165
00:09:11,293 --> 00:09:12,126
That's clever.
166
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,959
Boss, can we hurry up?
I'm gonna miss my date.
167
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:18,876
Look at him. He's as horny as Dupcyper
in the men's room.
168
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,168
All right, let's go.
169
00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:29,876
If you scratch the car,
I'll scratch your face.
170
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,626
Don't worry. I won't scratch it.
171
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:34,043
And I want it fueled. Full tank.
172
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Don't worry, I'll fuel it. Goodbye.
173
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:42,251
Damn, the devil
is still in the back. Marcinek!
174
00:09:42,334 --> 00:09:44,876
He's tied up. He won't do anything.
175
00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:49,334
Well, we're here.
176
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:52,584
-What are we doing in a rye field?
-What can you do with rye?
177
00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:54,459
I don't know. Vodka. Drink it.
178
00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:56,209
No, what does one do to rye?
179
00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:57,543
Thresh it?
180
00:09:57,626 --> 00:10:02,584
That's a little hint because
we have been dating for almost two years,
181
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,293
so why don't we just do
a little hanky-panky?
182
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:14,209
Finally, man! I thought you'd tiptoe
around it for the rest of our lives.
183
00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:17,293
It's always movies,
flowers, or romantic dinners.
184
00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:20,459
I gained about 30 kilograms
eating those kebabs.
185
00:10:20,543 --> 00:10:21,876
That's cool.
186
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:24,043
I hope we have a similar experience
187
00:10:24,126 --> 00:10:27,001
because I haven't actually had
the opportunity yet.
188
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:28,126
Have you done it?
189
00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:29,959
If it's after 12, then not today.
190
00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:31,543
Come here!
191
00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:36,293
It was worth the ride on the roof.
192
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,543
I wish I had a phone to record it,
193
00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:40,209
but memories will do.
194
00:10:40,293 --> 00:10:42,959
Even better,
at least you can add more details.
195
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Mariolka!
196
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,834
I'll show him Mariolka.
197
00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:51,959
She'll come out of
where I rip his legs off.
198
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Devil!
199
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,043
What's with this door?
200
00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:58,376
Don't leave. You're next.
201
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,376
Shit, at a time like this.
202
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:03,293
Couldn't he have waited
another 30 seconds?
203
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:05,043
Damn, what should I do?
204
00:11:05,126 --> 00:11:08,626
If I save Marcin, they'll know
that I've been watching them. I got it!
205
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:09,709
I'll kill you!
206
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,459
I swear to God, I'll kill you!
207
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:15,043
Hands up, this is a robbery!
208
00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:20,876
Relax, I won't hurt you.
209
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:24,043
You can continue,
but Marcin has to lend me his phone.
210
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:26,043
What are you…
211
00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:29,043
I knew it!
212
00:11:30,209 --> 00:11:31,043
THE END
213
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,043
Exorcist for less than 300
214
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:36,376
Actually, it's 200
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
215
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:39,209
Watch it, Belzedup
You're gonna get your ass kicked
216
00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:42,668
Watch it, Dupcyper
He's aiming at you
217
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:51,001
Subtitle translation by:
Agnieszka Czarnecka