A NETFLIX SERIES
GRAVEDIGGER ON DUTY 24 HOURS A DAY
Be my queen I'll be your jack
When the king goes to work I'll bang you
Shit. How long is this corpse going to take him, all night?
How can we take this sinful soul?
The crowd after the accident was too big to do it,
and he's been preparing him for four hours.
The deceased isn't a groom.
Wait a second.
-I know! -Yeah?
Let's put on our balaclavas and get to work.
We take a gun and go in hard without a yawn.
Shit, Przemo, that's right. Right.
-But where can we get a gun? -Easy, Blazej.
I've got a plan.
Be my queen I will be your ace
I'll let you play with my… dog
What the hell?
Some shitheads messing around. I'll rip you to shreds!
If I catch you!
That's right, "Eh!"
Dick up, hand.
No, it's the other way around. Hands up, dick!
What do you want?
Who are you? What are you?
Wait, this is a silicone gun.
That's right.
So don't mess with me, or I'll hit you with it
and smash your head.
Relax, we'll take the soul, and we're gone.
Can't you get the soul out through a different hole?
Of course we can.
It's done.
I told you. Miney mo, in my hand is the butthole.
-Hold on. -I mean soul, not butthole.
Either I'm imagining things,
or you have an interest in someone dying.
Of course we do. They're 20 zloty apiece.
It must be a sinner's soul,
but who isn't a sinner?
Only 10% get thrown out. I mean, go to heaven.
But I get paid too for the same deceased.
So our interests are aligned.
So what?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Do you really get 20 zloty per soul? -Yeah.
Not bad, right?
I guess only scrap metal collectors make more.
This is the life.
The worst thing is that you can buy alcohol in hell,
but it can't be consumed.
I don't know why people try so hard to get to heaven
when it's so great here.
Focus, it's coming.
A shiny, waxed car is 80% of a date's success.
And a good dinner,
meaning kebab takeout, is about 60.
And minus the face, it's about 20.
So, if I'm counting correctly,
I have about a 110% chance of picking up Mariolka today.
Nice.
And will the boss really lend you a car?
Yeah, there's just a little catch.
I take it with an empty tank but return it full.
Oh, boy, someone's coming. Hide!
LAWN MOWING CHEAP!
Good afternoon.
-Afternoon. Is the boss in his office? -Yes, he is.
You can hear him snoring from here.
The police wash their hands of it.
They say each death was an unfortunate accident
or a wild dog attack.
Maybe they were accidents,
but the number of deaths in our municipality doubled.
Residents are terrified like a liver at a bachelor party.
Only the owner of the funeral home is rubbing his hands
because there's no competition in town, and business is going well.
If this goes on and the population drops even further,
they'll downgrade municipality to village and me from the mayor to village head.
Help me, Mr. Boner, and I'll make you rich.
I agree. It will be 200 zloty.
It'll be more if done officially.
Officially, I'm an abstainer.
So, let's get to work!
Do you know what's going on in town?
I have some suspicions.
Marcinek and the other moron, gear up. We're going to work.
But how, boss?
I mean, we agreed that I could go on a date.
If she loves you, she'll wait.
This is the life! Twenty, 40, 60, 80… Almost 100!
And all this in just one week for both of us. How much did you make?
I made a profit. Cheers!
Cheers!
I'm telling you, Roman, once you kick the bucket,
we'll spare your soul. Right, Przemo?
Fuck yeah!
But only if you pay us 20 zloty in advance. Cheers!
Hello? Yeah?
I wrote it down. I'm on my way. Guys!
We've got another one.
How come? We didn't set anything up today.
I guess accidents really do happen sometimes.
The money pushes itself into our hands!
Born under a lucky star!
Never mind a star, in a brothel!
Morning. What have we here?
Some out-of-town smart-ass with a generator.
Wanted to fish with electricity. Luckily, he electrocuted himself.
That's weird.
The sphincters didn't leak.
Whatever. I'll take what's here.
Blazej. I can't eat this pizza anymore.
Hello?
Loony bin?
Please come. Przemo's gone crazy. He doesn't want to eat pizza.
Blazej, hang up, I'm begging you.
All right, you win.
I'll try.
You have to, Przemo.
Otherwise, you're a shitty loser.
I know, Blazej.
Relax, I'll eat.
But I'll leave the crust.
Okay. Then, you'll just be shitty.
I'll take it.
Are you taking this soul or not?
I've brought a client.
Oh, Jesus. All right.
Great. The family hasn't come forward yet,
so I'll put him in the most expensive suit.
And I'll charge them such a high dressing fee,
when they see the bill, they'll kick the bucket themselves.
-Wow, he's still warm. -Very good, it'll be easier.
Przemo, roll him over.
I'm on it.
Wait, I'll leave.
I don't want to look at it again.
All right, then. Pants down, soul on the table!
Look, Przemo, he's a more serious player.
I once saw a video of a jar in this place.
But a grenade?
Blazej, you nutter, put it back in.
Relax, I know what I'm doing. Shit, where's the pin?
What have you done, you bastard?
Blazej had all of our money in his pocket!
I'll kill you!
Don't move!
You want to shoot me with that?
I'll try.
Final on the floor!
Now wait a few minutes for a new video to buffer.
And replay!
-Domino, what are you raving about? -What?
Thank you, Mr. Boner.
I truly thank you.
You smashed that gang like my brat smashed the Octavia
one day after he got his license.
You're welcome. I recommend myself for the future.
I hope there won't be another occasion for that. Bye.
What about him? Should we kill him?
We'll lose money. Let's throw him into someone's basement for now.
He'll get a bullet after we get paid for undeviling.
That's clever.
Boss, can we hurry up? I'm gonna miss my date.
Look at him. He's as horny as Dupcyper in the men's room.
All right, let's go.
If you scratch the car, I'll scratch your face.
Don't worry. I won't scratch it.
And I want it fueled. Full tank.
Don't worry, I'll fuel it. Goodbye.
Damn, the devil is still in the back. Marcinek!
He's tied up. He won't do anything.
Well, we're here.
-What are we doing in a rye field? -What can you do with rye?
I don't know. Vodka. Drink it.
No, what does one do to rye?
Thresh it?
That's a little hint because we have been dating for almost two years,
so why don't we just do a little hanky-panky?
Finally, man! I thought you'd tiptoe around it for the rest of our lives.
It's always movies, flowers, or romantic dinners.
I gained about 30 kilograms eating those kebabs.
That's cool.
I hope we have a similar experience
because I haven't actually had the opportunity yet.
Have you done it?
If it's after 12, then not today.
Come here!
It was worth the ride on the roof.
I wish I had a phone to record it,
but memories will do.
Even better, at least you can add more details.
Mariolka!
I'll show him Mariolka.
She'll come out of where I rip his legs off.
Devil!
What's with this door?
Don't leave. You're next.
Shit, at a time like this.
Couldn't he have waited another 30 seconds?
Damn, what should I do?
If I save Marcin, they'll know that I've been watching them. I got it!
I'll kill you!
I swear to God, I'll kill you!
Hands up, this is a robbery!
Relax, I won't hurt you.
You can continue, but Marcin has to lend me his phone.
What are you…
I knew it!
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka