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A NETFLIX SERIES

2
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GRAVEDIGGA
ON DUTY 24 HOURS A DAY 78 234 662

3
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GRAVEDIGGA

4
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Shit. Is this fucking corpse
going to take him all freaking night?

5
00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:49,543
How are we supposed
to take this sinful soul?

6
00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:52,084
The crowd grew so big after the accident
that we couldn't do it.

7
00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:54,376
Now this guy's been preparing him
for four hours.

8
00:00:54,459 --> 00:00:55,793
The dead guy isn't a groom.

9
00:00:55,876 --> 00:00:57,084
Wait a moment.

10
00:00:57,168 --> 00:00:58,668
-Got it!
-Yeah?

11
00:00:58,751 --> 00:01:00,876
Let's put on our game face
and get to work.

12
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:04,126
We will take a gun and surprise him,
let him know we aren’t fucking around.

13
00:01:04,209 --> 00:01:06,543
Damn, Przemo, that's true. That's true.

14
00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,334
Where are we going
to get a pistol right now?

15
00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:09,626
Don't worry, Błażej.

16
00:01:09,709 --> 00:01:11,793
I just came up with a plan.

17
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:21,293
What in the devil is going on?

18
00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:30,001
If you crazy punks feel like messing
around again, I'll rip you to shreds!

19
00:01:30,084 --> 00:01:32,209
If I catch you!

20
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,001
Eh…

21
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:36,459
That's correct. "Eh!"

22
00:01:36,543 --> 00:01:38,376
Get your dick up, hand!

23
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,334
Wait, the other way around.
Get your hands up, dick!

24
00:01:41,418 --> 00:01:42,959
Um, what do you want?

25
00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:45,834
Who the fuck are you?
What the fuck are you?

26
00:01:45,918 --> 00:01:48,251
Wait a sec, that’s not a gun,
that's for caulking.

27
00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:49,459
You got that right.

28
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:53,001
Don't mess with me,
because if I smack you with this thing,

29
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I will cave your head in.

30
00:01:54,709 --> 00:01:57,251
Don't worry, we'll take the soul
and head out like no one was here.

31
00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,209
Can't you get the soul out of a person
through a different hole?

32
00:02:00,293 --> 00:02:01,293
Oh, of course we can.

33
00:02:01,376 --> 00:02:02,293
I got it.

34
00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:04,709
Told ya. Great.
Grab that hole and let's roll!

35
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,959
-Hold on, gentlemen…
-I meant soul, not hole. Sorry.

36
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,834
All right. Is it just my imagination

37
00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:11,543
or do you guys have a particular interest
in dead people?

38
00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:14,709
Of course we do. We get twenty zloty
for every soul we take!

39
00:02:14,793 --> 00:02:17,501
Though it has to be a soul of a sinner.
However…

40
00:02:17,584 --> 00:02:18,918
who isn't a sinner?

41
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:21,793
Only 10% of them get thrown out.
I mean, to Heaven.

42
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:23,918
Well, I also get paid when someone dies.

43
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:26,001
I get paid to collect the deceased body.

44
00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:28,209
So our interests are basically aligned.

45
00:02:29,126 --> 00:02:29,959
So what?

46
00:02:30,626 --> 00:02:32,543
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

47
00:02:32,626 --> 00:02:33,793
Uh…

48
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,751
And you really make 20 zloty
for each soul you gather?

49
00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:51,501
Yeah. Not bad, right?

50
00:02:51,584 --> 00:02:54,168
My guess is only scrap metal collectors
make more than us.

51
00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:55,793
This is the fucking life.

52
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,543
However, the worst thing is
that you can buy alcohol in hell,

53
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:00,168
but it can't be consumed there.

54
00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:03,293
I don't know why people
flock to Heaven like it's a slice of pie

55
00:03:03,376 --> 00:03:04,834
when Earth is so damn great.

56
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,376
Watch out, it's coming.

57
00:03:36,626 --> 00:03:39,834
You know, Domino, making sure that
you have a shiny, freshly waxed car

58
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:41,793
is eighty percent
of a successful date night.

59
00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:43,251
An amazing dinner,

60
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meaning takeout kebab,
is about 60 percent.

61
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,293
Minus the face, that's worth about 20.

62
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:51,668
So, if I'm counting correctly,
I have about a 110 percent chance

63
00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,126
of putting my dick inside Mariolka tonight
after dinner.

64
00:03:54,209 --> 00:03:55,334
Nice one.

65
00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:57,793
And the boss is really going
to let you borrow the car?

66
00:03:57,876 --> 00:04:00,084
Yeah. There is a slight catch though.

67
00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:03,251
I take it with an empty tank,
but have to return it all gassed up.

68
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,793
Oh shoot, someone's coming. Hide!

69
00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:09,876
Good afternoon.

70
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:13,001
-Afternoon. Is the boss in his office?
-Yeah, yeah, he is in there.

71
00:04:13,084 --> 00:04:14,834
You can hear the snoring from here.

72
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:17,251
The police are stumped by it.

73
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:21,043
They say each death is an unfortunate
accident or a wild dog attack.

74
00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:22,459
Maybe they were accidents,

75
00:04:22,543 --> 00:04:25,376
but the number of deaths in this town
has doubled this month.

76
00:04:25,459 --> 00:04:29,043
The residents are terrified like a teenage
liver the first time at a bachelor party.

77
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:32,376
Only the owner of the funeral home
is happy with these accidents.

78
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:35,668
There is no competition in town anymore,
business is booming.

79
00:04:35,751 --> 00:04:38,918
If this goes on and the population
keeps dropping even further,

80
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:42,584
they will downgrade our city to village
and demote me from Mayor to Village Head.

81
00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,876
Help out, Mr. Boner.
I will make you rich.

82
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:48,334
Okay, fine then.
That'll cost you 200 zloty to be exact.

83
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,376
Unless it's official,
then it's more, of course.

84
00:04:50,459 --> 00:04:52,876
Officially, I'm a very devout abstainer.

85
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,501
Okay! Then let's get to work!

86
00:04:54,584 --> 00:04:56,459
You already know
what's going on in town?

87
00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:58,459
I have a couple of serious suspicions.

88
00:05:00,376 --> 00:05:03,543
Marcinek and that other moron,
gear the fuck up. We're going to work.

89
00:05:03,626 --> 00:05:04,876
No way, boss! For real?

90
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:07,709
I thought that we both agreed
that I could go out with Mariolka tonight.

91
00:05:07,793 --> 00:05:09,626
Yeah, if she loves you, she'll wait.

92
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:27,959
This is the life!

93
00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:32,084
20, 40, 60, 80-something.
Almost a hundred!

94
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:34,543
And we made all this in barely one week.

95
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,626
Split between us. How much did you make?

96
00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:38,793
Ah. I made a good profit. Cheers!

97
00:05:38,876 --> 00:05:40,293
Cheers!

98
00:05:41,418 --> 00:05:44,751
Ah! I'm telling you, Roman,
once you cross the great divide,

99
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:46,876
I promise we will spare your soul.
Right, Przemo?

100
00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,293
Fuck yeah, we will!

101
00:05:48,376 --> 00:05:51,251
But obviously you will have to pay us
20 zloty in advance.

102
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,418
Cheers!

103
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,501
Hello? Yes, yes?

104
00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:58,126
It's written down. On the way.

105
00:05:58,209 --> 00:06:00,459
Gentlemen! We've got us another one.

106
00:06:00,543 --> 00:06:03,043
How so?
We didn't even set anything up today.

107
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:05,876
Apparently,
accidents really do happen sometimes.

108
00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:09,168
Money is just falling
into our fingertips!

109
00:06:09,251 --> 00:06:12,209
We must have been born under a lucky star!

110
00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:14,959
Never mind a star. How about a brothel?

111
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,126
All right. What's up now?

112
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:29,001
Some strange out-of-town fisherman
came with his generator.

113
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:32,126
Wanted to fish with electricity.
Luckily for you, he electrocuted himself.

114
00:06:32,209 --> 00:06:33,668
That is so weird.

115
00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:35,793
The sphincter did not discharge
any matter.

116
00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:37,793
Too bad. I'll still take it.

117
00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:41,084
Błażej.

118
00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:43,209
I can't eat this pizza anymore.

119
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:46,168
Hello?

120
00:06:46,251 --> 00:06:47,543
Is this the loony bin?

121
00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:50,084
Please come quickly. Przemo's gone crazy.

122
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,543
He doesn't want to eat pizza.

123
00:06:51,626 --> 00:06:55,334
Błażej. Błażej, hang up, I'm begging you.

124
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,251
Fine, you win again.

125
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,543
I will eat it.

126
00:06:58,626 --> 00:06:59,959
You have to, Przemo.

127
00:07:00,043 --> 00:07:02,876
Or you will just be some shitty loser.

128
00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:05,084
I know, Błażej.

129
00:07:05,668 --> 00:07:07,043
Don't worry, I'll eat it.

130
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,959
But I am going to leave
all the crust. Okay?

131
00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,543
Alrighty then.
Then you will just be called shitty.

132
00:07:11,626 --> 00:07:14,001
I guess I'll take it.

133
00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:17,876
Are you taking his soul or not?

134
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,418
I've brought another client.

135
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,459
Oh, Jesus. All right.

136
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,418
Great.
The family hasn't asked yet,

137
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:27,084
so I'll quickly put him
in the most expensive suit.

138
00:07:27,168 --> 00:07:30,126
And I'll charge them
such a high dressing fee…

139
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:33,209
…they'll have a heart attack
and drop dead when they see the bill.

140
00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:36,376
-Wow, he's still warm.
-Very good. It'll be a lot easier.

141
00:07:36,459 --> 00:07:37,959
Przemo, roll him onto his stomach.

142
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,376
Already done.

143
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,418
Hold on, hold on, I'm gonna leave.

144
00:07:41,501 --> 00:07:43,459
I don't want to watch this again.

145
00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:46,959
All right.
Pants are down, soul on the table!

146
00:07:50,126 --> 00:07:53,126
Look, Przemo,
this guy is not messing around.

147
00:07:53,209 --> 00:07:55,793
I once saw a video
of a jar shoved up someone's ass.

148
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,459
But a fucking hand grenade?

149
00:07:57,543 --> 00:08:00,876
Aah! Błażej, you moron,
put that back in his ass.

150
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,876
Don't worry. I know what I'm doing…
Oh, shit, where is the pin?

151
00:08:11,168 --> 00:08:13,584
What have you done, you bastard?

152
00:08:13,668 --> 00:08:16,501
Błażej had all our money on him,
for fuck's sake!

153
00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:18,376
I'll kill you!

154
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:22,959
Don't you fucking move!

155
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:26,876
You want to shoot me
with a caulk gun?

156
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,918
I'm going to do whatever I can.

157
00:08:31,209 --> 00:08:32,959
Finish him on the hardwood!

158
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:36,334
Now just you wait, a new video will buffer
in a few minutes! But for now...

159
00:08:36,418 --> 00:08:37,459
Replay!

160
00:08:37,543 --> 00:08:40,126
-What are you raving about?
-Um… What?

161
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,751
Thank you, Mr. Boner.

162
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:50,043
Truly, thank you.

163
00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:53,584
You obliterated that gang
like my brat son demolished the Mustang,

164
00:08:53,668 --> 00:08:55,793
one day after he got his license.

165
00:08:55,876 --> 00:08:58,584
You're very welcome.
I always recommend my services--

166
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,501
I hope there won't be
another opportunity for them. Bye.

167
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,626
Boss, what about him? Do we kill him?

168
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:08,334
We would lose money. Just put him
in somebody's basement so they call us,

169
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:11,209
and give him a bullet in the head
after we get paid for exorcizing him.

170
00:09:11,293 --> 00:09:12,126
Smart guy.

171
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,959
Boss, can we hurry up, please?
I am gonna miss my date tonight.

172
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:18,959
Look at him. horny like a priest
in an all-boys boarding school.

173
00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,209
All right, let's go.

174
00:09:26,709 --> 00:09:29,876
If you scratch my fucking car,
I'll scratch your face, asshole.

175
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,626
Don't worry, I won't scratch it at all.

176
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:34,043
You better return it fuelled up.
Fill the tank.

177
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,584
Don't worry, I'll fill it up, okay?
Goodbye now.

178
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:42,126
Damn, the demon
is still in the back. Marcinek!

179
00:09:42,209 --> 00:09:44,959
Ahh! He's still tied up,
he won't do anything. No sweat.

180
00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:49,334
Well, we finally made it here.

181
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:51,084
What are we doing
parked in this rye field?

182
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:52,584
Well, what do you do with rye?

183
00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:54,459
Don't know. Make Vodka? Then drink it.

184
00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:56,209
No, what do you do to rye?

185
00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:57,543
What do you do? You smash it.

186
00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:58,834
Yeah. Just a hint.

187
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:02,584
'Cause I was thinking that you and I have
been going out for about two years now,

188
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,293
so maybe we could finally do
a little sexy time?

189
00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:09,959
Uh…

190
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,293
Oh my God! Finally, dude!

191
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:14,293
I was worried you were just gonna
keep tiptoeing around it forever.

192
00:10:14,376 --> 00:10:17,376
It's always trips to the movie theater,
pretty flowers, romantic dinners.

193
00:10:17,459 --> 00:10:20,459
I've gained over 30 kilos
eating all those stupid fatty kebabs.

194
00:10:20,543 --> 00:10:21,876
Oh, that's lovely.

195
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:23,876
I hope that our experience
is somewhat similar,

196
00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:27,001
because I haven't actually
had the opportunity yet.

197
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:28,126
Have you done it before?

198
00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:30,043
If it's after 12:00, then not today.

199
00:10:30,126 --> 00:10:31,543
Come here!

200
00:10:31,626 --> 00:10:33,001
Oh.

201
00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:36,293
This was totally worth the 60-kilometer
ride on the roof of this van.

202
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,418
I wish I had a cellphone
to record the action.

203
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:40,209
Ah, but memories will have to do.

204
00:10:40,293 --> 00:10:42,959
They're even better,
because you can add more details.

205
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,626
Oh, damn… Mariolka!

206
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,959
Yeah, kid, I'm gonna show you Mariolka.

207
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:51,959
He’ll get a good look at her
when I tear her fucking guts out.

208
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:54,209
Demon!

209
00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:56,043
What's with this stupid door?

210
00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:58,376
Don't leave yet.
You're gonna be my next victim.

211
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,251
Shit, his timing is horrible.

212
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:03,293
Why couldn't that asshole
have waited another 30 seconds to attack?

213
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:05,043
God-fucking-dammit, what should I do?

214
00:11:05,126 --> 00:11:08,126
If I save them, they will know that
I've been watching them this entire time.

215
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,918
-Got it!
-Motherfucker!

216
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,459
I swear to God, I'll kill you!

217
00:11:12,959 --> 00:11:14,793
Hands up, this is a robbery!

218
00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:20,876
Don't worry, I won't hurt any of you.

219
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:24,043
You can just continue on.
But Marcin has to lend me his phone again.

220
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:26,209
What are you…

221
00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:29,168
I knew it was you!

222
00:11:30,209 --> 00:11:31,043
THE END