1
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
2
00:00:19,418 --> 00:00:20,543
Mount Asscracker.
3
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:21,834
THE CURSED COMMERCIAL
4
00:00:21,918 --> 00:00:24,209
-We are getting very, very close.
-Oh, fucking fuck.
5
00:00:24,293 --> 00:00:25,626
Dusty, you can talk?
6
00:00:25,709 --> 00:00:29,043
Fucking badly,
but I'm good as a motherfucker at cursing.
7
00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,126
Yee- haw!
8
00:00:30,209 --> 00:00:31,709
Whoop-whoop that ass!
9
00:00:31,793 --> 00:00:34,376
COMMERCIAL BREAK
10
00:00:36,043 --> 00:00:37,668
Lublin Upland.
11
00:00:37,751 --> 00:00:40,959
This is where we grow the best hops
in all of Poland.
12
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:46,126
But why overpay?
Chub Light is brewed from Chinese hops!
13
00:00:47,084 --> 00:00:48,626
Hmm… Mmm…
14
00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:50,834
Chub Light! Beat this!
15
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:53,793
Chub Light is a partner
of the "Alcohol is for adults" campaign.
16
00:00:53,876 --> 00:00:55,293
Beer is not alcohol.
17
00:00:55,376 --> 00:00:57,543
Hey, guys,
I'm gonna go get some cold beer.
18
00:00:57,626 --> 00:00:59,793
If you guys don't want one,
raise your hand!
19
00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:01,668
So everyone wants one.
20
00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:03,834
I'm gonna go drain the lizard.
21
00:01:05,876 --> 00:01:10,918
Czesław, Czesław, Czesław.
22
00:01:11,001 --> 00:01:15,376
Czesław meatballs are made of 10% meat.
23
00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:18,626
The rest of the ingredients
are our cheeky little secret.
24
00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:24,459
I could just about kill
for those tender and juicy meatballs.
25
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:25,793
Kill!
26
00:01:25,876 --> 00:01:27,209
Kill!
27
00:01:27,751 --> 00:01:29,959
Kill!
28
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:33,501
If beer isn't your pick,
you can suck my d…
29
00:01:34,251 --> 00:01:35,459
Pietrucha, are you okay?
30
00:01:36,084 --> 00:01:37,376
Crap, you look kinda bad.
31
00:01:37,459 --> 00:01:38,834
Have some cold beer.
32
00:01:38,918 --> 00:01:40,793
I prefer juicy meatballs.
33
00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:45,959
Pietrucha, what have you done?
34
00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:50,793
Huh. I was going for number one,
but number two came out as well.
35
00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:52,501
I'm glad I sat down on the toilet.
36
00:01:53,043 --> 00:01:54,001
Pietrucha?
37
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:58,168
Stop it. I'm ticklish there!
38
00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:03,543
Juicy meatballs!
39
00:02:07,876 --> 00:02:09,084
CITY MORTUARY WELCOME
THIEVES
40
00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:12,126
That's the situation more or less.
Let's take this one for example.
41
00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:15,501
He stormed the precinct,
then he attacked officer Forskinner
42
00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:17,209
and took away his loaded weapon.
43
00:02:17,293 --> 00:02:20,584
Luckily, he didn't really know
how to operate the gun all that well.
44
00:02:20,668 --> 00:02:23,376
The rest either died
in fatal car accidents
45
00:02:23,459 --> 00:02:25,334
or falling from the tops of buildings.
46
00:02:25,418 --> 00:02:28,001
Chief, yeah, I really don't find
anything weird about it.
47
00:02:28,084 --> 00:02:30,543
It's the weekend, ya know?
Wasted people lose their shit.
48
00:02:30,626 --> 00:02:33,543
Besides that,
all of the "possessed" people died anyway,
49
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,626
so the problem kinda solved itself.
50
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:36,959
Solved itself, huh?
51
00:02:37,043 --> 00:02:39,168
This will start all over again next week!
52
00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:42,251
Nobody at the precinct knows
what the hell is causing this mess,
53
00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:43,668
but every single Saturday,
54
00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:46,376
a large group of people
from around here go wacko
55
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:51,793
and hit the city bringing on terrifying
death and destruction… of property.
56
00:02:51,876 --> 00:02:52,834
Hmm.
57
00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:55,126
Maybe it's a really shitty batch
of moonshine
58
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,001
coming from the Eastern border
or something?
59
00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:59,043
I've been drinking that shit myself
and I'm fine.
60
00:02:59,126 --> 00:03:02,584
And witnesses reported
that some went crazy while sober,
61
00:03:02,668 --> 00:03:05,001
watching a movie on a local TV channel.
62
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,459
During the commercial, to be exact.
63
00:03:06,543 --> 00:03:09,043
Yeah, I think that I know
what you're getting at here, Chief.
64
00:03:09,126 --> 00:03:11,668
It's a fucking cursed commercial
from Hell.
65
00:03:11,751 --> 00:03:13,459
Yeah, I heard that legend too.
66
00:03:13,543 --> 00:03:15,876
Just let me follow this lead,
but I doubt it.
67
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:17,334
It's a bunch of bullcrap.
68
00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:19,834
Just like that ancient legend
about the hellish toilet.
69
00:03:19,918 --> 00:03:20,834
But there you go.
70
00:03:20,918 --> 00:03:22,376
The customer is always…
71
00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:23,293
…stupid!
72
00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:24,626
Oh, pardon me!
73
00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:25,834
I'll clean it up.
74
00:03:27,293 --> 00:03:29,126
TELE-FIB
75
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,418
-What do you mean "inspection"?
-Here you go then.
76
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:34,834
This is the search warrant that was just
signed by the Chief of Police himself
77
00:03:34,918 --> 00:03:36,418
and whoever else was required.
78
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:37,793
Now calm yourselves down.
79
00:03:37,876 --> 00:03:40,376
This isn't about movies broadcast
without a license. You got it?
80
00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:41,543
No? About what, then?
81
00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:44,876
This is mainly about the commercials
broadcasted on Saturday nights.
82
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,168
Commercials?
Who watches commercials?
83
00:03:47,251 --> 00:03:48,959
Mister, even I don't know
what we're showing.
84
00:03:49,043 --> 00:03:51,209
Everything's on hard drives.
Janusz will show you.
85
00:03:51,293 --> 00:03:53,334
Marcinek and the other moron,
86
00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:56,126
go with Janusz and see what they aired
on Saturday night, okay?
87
00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:59,709
It's time to have a little sit-down
with my new friend, Director Peestein.
88
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:02,209
I'll gladly try and answer,
but I'm not sure I'll be able to.
89
00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:04,668
We've only just taken over the station
after an incident,
90
00:04:04,751 --> 00:04:08,959
when a mysterious wave of tragic deaths
affected almost the entire crew.
91
00:04:09,043 --> 00:04:10,959
The crusty old janitor
was the sole survivor.
92
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,876
Well, then, take me
to the janitor immediately.
93
00:04:13,959 --> 00:04:15,751
Okay, but I'm warning you,
94
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:17,876
you're not going to get much
from that old man, Kózka,
95
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:19,709
'cause he isn't all there in the head.
96
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,418
All the commercials are in this folder.
97
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:26,168
So… I don't know what we aired Saturday.
The computer makes that decision.
98
00:04:26,251 --> 00:04:28,793
Oh damn! There are 340 files
to watch through?
99
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:30,918
I think we're going to be trapped here
all night long.
100
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:32,751
Don't say you don't like commercials.
101
00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:34,376
Some are great! Like…
102
00:04:38,918 --> 00:04:40,043
I love that one.
103
00:04:40,126 --> 00:04:42,126
Had enough of your beer belly?
104
00:04:42,209 --> 00:04:45,293
Do you want women to stay beautiful
and pay attention to you?
105
00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:48,126
Change your habits
and take care of your figure.
106
00:04:48,209 --> 00:04:49,876
Pure vodka.
107
00:04:49,959 --> 00:04:53,126
So, young man, you really want
to know the horrible story
108
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:55,334
about what happened
that dark, fateful night
109
00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,376
at this television station, do you?
110
00:04:57,459 --> 00:04:59,293
That's what I'm asking for the third time.
111
00:04:59,376 --> 00:05:01,168
Look, I'm losing my patience
with you, asshole.
112
00:05:01,251 --> 00:05:04,043
Silence! Or I will not tell you.
113
00:05:04,126 --> 00:05:06,293
Fine, fine. Just get to the point already.
114
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:07,543
You want me to talk?
115
00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:08,793
Oh no.
116
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,584
Absolutely no way!
117
00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,084
I'll be babbling, you know.
118
00:05:12,168 --> 00:05:16,751
I'll be blurting out whatever shit comes
to the remnants of my vodka-addled mind.
119
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:21,126
And from that constant babbling,
that steady incoherent flow of bullshit,
120
00:05:21,209 --> 00:05:24,918
you'll fish out some
miniscule grains of truth. But beware!
121
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,709
Although they often taste
like a bunch of bullcrap,
122
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,543
only the fewest of them
are actually edible.
123
00:05:30,626 --> 00:05:32,793
And now, let us begin the story.
124
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:34,876
It……was a Thursday evening,
125
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:37,751
and then so the Tele-Fib crew
126
00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:42,959
was about to finish a full day of shooting
the vaginal tablet commercial campaign.
127
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:48,668
While I was mopping the floor and tending
to my other daily duties as a janitor.
128
00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:52,668
Suddenly, and completely out of nowhere,
129
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:55,626
a thing nobody would have
ever expected to happen, happened.
130
00:05:55,709 --> 00:06:00,501
Instead of 6:00 p.m. in the evening,
the clock struck dead midnight!
131
00:06:00,584 --> 00:06:02,251
And to everyone's shock,
132
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:05,959
the sky turned dark
and a lightning bolt struck!
133
00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:07,959
Straight into the Dodge.
134
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:10,876
Then the studio doors swung open!
135
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:15,376
There was the terriblest beast
standing in the doorway.
136
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:18,584
Everyone froze in absolute fear.
137
00:06:18,668 --> 00:06:21,626
That's when the beast started talking.
138
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:23,751
But I had no interest in listening,
139
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:27,709
as I was quite busy
with my daily duties as a janitor.
140
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:29,751
And whoever shall oppose me,
141
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:35,126
I will tear off their head and shove it
where the devil says "good evening"!
142
00:06:35,209 --> 00:06:36,668
Oh no!
143
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:39,584
I am the director here and…
144
00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:42,626
-Uh…
-Good evening.
145
00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:46,751
In that moment, the beast became enraged
and all hell broke loose…
146
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,668
Good evening.
147
00:07:08,543 --> 00:07:12,543
Unfortunately, I don't know
exactly what went on next,
148
00:07:12,626 --> 00:07:17,293
as I was deeply absorbed
in my usual duties as a janitor.
149
00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:20,751
Everybody says that vodka
will eventually take your life,
150
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,834
but I'm standing here in front of you
151
00:07:22,918 --> 00:07:26,584
as the perfect proof
of the exact opposite.
152
00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:30,126
Gross.
153
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:33,293
This is when I blacked out
for good.
154
00:07:34,209 --> 00:07:36,334
I'm not sure
how long I was passed out for,
155
00:07:36,418 --> 00:07:38,001
but I suspect it was quite a while.
156
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:40,209
It was long enough
for my pants to dry out.
157
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,834
But when I opened my eyes
and gazed around the studio,
158
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,876
the terrible beast was gone
and in the air around the building
159
00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:50,293
there was a subtle-rancid smell
of meatballs…
160
00:07:50,376 --> 00:07:52,668
Ah yes, the smell of meatballs, you say?
161
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:56,334
Of course,
it really couldn't be more fucking simple.
162
00:07:56,418 --> 00:08:00,293
The demon sneakily recorded the commercial
and then he went and cursed it.
163
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,709
Normal people
don't watch commercials anymore,
164
00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:05,543
but woe to those who still do--
165
00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:09,043
Marcinek, don't watch
the fucking meatballs!
166
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:12,459
What are you doing?
167
00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:14,876
Eh… Nothing, nothing. Why? What's up?
168
00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:16,626
Oh shit, you're playing cards.
169
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:17,626
Uh…
170
00:08:17,709 --> 00:08:18,959
Oh, that's good, Marcin.
171
00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:20,334
Are you serious?
172
00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:21,959
'Cause it was so fucking boring.
173
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,209
Who in their right mind
watches TV commercials?
174
00:08:24,293 --> 00:08:27,959
I couldn't take the one about a massager
for the end of your digestive tract.
175
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:29,376
But Domino is still watching them.
176
00:08:29,459 --> 00:08:32,043
Oh crap, I forgot about that moron.
Domino, don't watch…
177
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,209
Oh no, I'm too late! We're screwed.
178
00:08:38,293 --> 00:08:40,709
Oh crap! Domino, what has happened to you?
179
00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:45,209
Something will happen to you!
180
00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:50,168
I gotta tell ya,
it's really not that much of a loss.
181
00:08:50,751 --> 00:08:52,293
No!
182
00:08:52,376 --> 00:08:55,459
If you shoot Domino now,
I will have to quit.
183
00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:56,668
Oh, okay, good.
184
00:08:56,751 --> 00:09:00,043
Lucky me, I'm going to get rid of
both you two moochers in one fell swoop.
185
00:09:00,126 --> 00:09:02,959
And I will sue you
for all the money I loaned you
186
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,209
and all the jobs I didn't get paid for.
187
00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:09,209
I know I'm going to regret
listening to you.
188
00:09:13,709 --> 00:09:16,543
Domino, wait a minute.
I got some meatballs in the van.
189
00:09:16,626 --> 00:09:17,626
Huh?
190
00:09:21,168 --> 00:09:22,626
Where are those meatb…
191
00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:23,834
Hey!
192
00:09:24,376 --> 00:09:25,459
Call Natan.
193
00:09:25,543 --> 00:09:28,793
Let him do
his church mumbo jumbo bull shit.
194
00:09:30,751 --> 00:09:32,709
Exorcizing a demon from a demon.
195
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:34,293
This is definitely a new one.
196
00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:36,209
It's redundant
and kinda laughs in God's face.
197
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:37,751
But, hey, it worked, of course.
198
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:39,084
Domino should wake up soon.
199
00:09:39,168 --> 00:09:40,876
You owe me a favor, Boner.
200
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:42,126
See ya!
201
00:09:42,209 --> 00:09:45,543
Your hot mom owes me a favor
for sucking my extra-thick beefy--
202
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:50,209
Who dared to lift the curse
and delete my fucking awesome commercial?
203
00:09:50,293 --> 00:09:52,459
That was the only copy!
204
00:09:52,543 --> 00:09:53,584
Fuck!
205
00:09:56,459 --> 00:09:58,918
It might not be as funny
as the meatball stuff,
206
00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:02,209
but you'll kick the fucking bucket
either way!
207
00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:06,876
Sławek?
208
00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:08,709
Domino?
209
00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:11,168
Oh, no fucking way. You're up here, man?
210
00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:12,376
Should I kill them?
211
00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:14,751
Nah, nah, leave them.
They're cool.
212
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,959
You know, I was in third grade
with Sławek,
213
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,209
except I sort of flunked.
214
00:10:18,293 --> 00:10:20,501
And I was expelled.
215
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:23,709
So you say you've joined forces
with the light side?
216
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,043
Tell me, how's the money?
217
00:10:25,126 --> 00:10:28,376
Well, if you want me to be honest,
let me put it to you this way.
218
00:10:28,459 --> 00:10:30,376
Every single month I easily break even.
219
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:32,626
Fuck, I'm not even covering my costs!
220
00:10:32,709 --> 00:10:34,959
So, are you guys maybe looking
to hire someone else here?
221
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:37,043
I don't know.
You're gonna have to talk to the boss.
222
00:10:37,126 --> 00:10:38,293
So? Are we hiring?
223
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,418
Yeah, sure. The more the merrier!
224
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:42,251
Okay, fine. I guess it's my loss.
225
00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:44,459
First of all,
from here on out, you're working for free.
226
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,626
Yes! A raise on my first day!
227
00:10:46,709 --> 00:10:48,168
And second of all…
228
00:10:52,376 --> 00:10:54,793
That's two favors now you owe me, Boner.
229
00:10:56,293 --> 00:10:57,126
THE END