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NETFLIX 影集

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（掘墓人殯儀館，24小時全年無休）

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劇名：掘墓人

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做我的皇后，讓我當妳的騎士

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國王上班的時候，我們可以狂歡

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他要處裡這具屍體到何時？一整晚？

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這樣我們該如何帶走這個惡靈？

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事故後的亡魂量太大，根本來不及

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而且他已經弄了快四個小時

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可惡，他是死者不是新郎好嗎？

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等一下

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-我知道了！
-什麼？

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我們戴上全罩式頭套，直接上工吧

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拿把槍，眼也不眨的直接衝進去

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好，普什莫

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沒錯，你說的很好

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但我們哪來的槍？

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布拉杰，放輕鬆

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我有好主意

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做我的皇后，讓我成為妳的王牌

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我可以讓妳和我的狗一起玩…

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搞什麼鬼？

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哪來的混蛋在我這胡鬧？

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我會把你撕成碎片！

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就不要被我抓到！

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沒錯，嚇到了吧？

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雙手，把老頭舉高

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不，反了

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老頭，把雙手舉高！

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你們想幹嘛？

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你們是誰？

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你們是什麼東西？

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等等，你拿的是矽膠槍

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沒錯

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所以別惹我

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不然我就用它揍你

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再敲扁你的腦袋

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別緊張，我們只是要把靈魂帶走

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我的天啊，你難道不能
把靈魂從別的洞挖出來嗎？

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當然可以

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-我拿到了
-你看吧？

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伸進菊花、輕鬆一把抓

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-等等，兩位…
-我是說抓靈魂，不是菊花

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這應該不是我的幻想

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你們也對死人感興趣，對吧？

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那當然，抓到一個可以換二十元

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但必須是有罪的靈魂

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不過

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誰沒有罪？

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最後只有百分之十會被淘汰

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我指被送去天堂

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處理同一位亡者，我也可以得到酬勞

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所以我們的目標一致

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所以呢？

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你們的想法跟我一樣嗎？

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每一個靈魂都能賺二十元嗎？

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對，不錯吧？

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我想只有廢鐵收藏家賺得比我們多

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多棒的人生啊！

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可惜在地獄雖然能買酒

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但卻禁止飲用

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我不懂為什麼大家都想去天堂

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這裡已經很棒了

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專心點，有車來了

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打過蠟、閃閃發亮的車

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代表約會已經成功80%

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搭配美味的晚餐

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也就是外帶烤肉串，這個大概60%

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抵掉長相，大概20%

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所以如果我沒算錯

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我今天就有110%的機會

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可以帶瑪莉歐拉出去約會

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很好

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但老大真的會借你車嗎？

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會，但有一個條件

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我只能借快沒油的車

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回來前還得幫他加滿

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有人來了，快躲起來！

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-午安
-午安，你老闆在辦公室嗎？

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對，他在裡面

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從這裡就能聽到他的打呼聲

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警方不打算介入調查

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據他們所說

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所有死亡都只是不幸的意外

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或是野狗的攻擊

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也許真的有意外

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但最近市內的死亡數直接翻倍

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市民們怕得要死

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就像脫單派對上的肝臟

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只有殯儀館的主人忙著數鈔票

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他沒有競爭對手，生意好到不行

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如果再這樣下去，人口持續減少

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政府就會把這裡降級成鄉村

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我也會從市長變成村長

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勃納先生幫幫忙，我可以讓你發財

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我答應你，費用是200元整

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如果要發票會多收錢，所以不值得

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發票？我可是個政客

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我們開始工作吧！

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所以你原先就知道，市內有事發生？

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我的確有在懷疑

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馬辛和另一個蠢蛋，帶上裝備

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我們要去工作了

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但怎麼辦？老大

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你不是答應讓我今天去約會嗎？

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如果她夠愛你，她會等

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多棒的人生啊！

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20、40、60、80

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快賺到100元了！

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一週內就賺了這麼多錢

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還只是我們的收入，你賺了多少？

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多少有賺一些，我敬你們！

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乾杯！

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羅曼，你聽我說

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你斷氣的時候，我們會放你一馬

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普什莫，對吧？

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他媽的正確！

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但你得預付我們20元

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乾杯！

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你好？

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是，這樣嗎？

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我寫下來了，馬上過去

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兩位！

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又有一筆生意了

125
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怎麼會？我們今天什麼都沒安排耶

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我想偶爾真的會發生意外

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看來這筆錢急著想落入我們的口袋

128
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難道幸運星已降臨於我？

129
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我不要幸運星，肯定是幸運女神！

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早安，發生什麼事？

131
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一個自作聰明的外地人與他的發電機

132
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他想用電力抓魚

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幸好是他被電死

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怪了

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他的括約肌怎麼還是乾的？

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算了，我把他清走就是

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布拉杰

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我再也不想吃這個披薩了

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你好，請問是瘋人院嗎？

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麻煩派人過來，普什莫瘋了

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他不想吃披薩

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布拉杰

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我求你掛電話

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好吧，你贏了

145
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我盡量吃

146
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你一定要吃，普什莫

147
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不然你就是個噁心的混蛋

148
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好啦，布拉杰

149
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放輕鬆，我吃

150
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但我不要吃邊

151
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好，那你純粹只是噁心

152
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我接受

153
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你們有要處理這個靈魂嗎？

154
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新客戶已經帶回來了

155
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對耶，好吧…

156
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太棒了，他的家屬還沒來

157
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我要立刻幫他換上最貴的壽衣

158
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這樣就能收取高額換衣費

159
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等他們看到帳單，一定也會被嚇死

160
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哇，他還有體溫耶

161
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很好，這樣更好辦事

162
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普什莫，讓他正面躺下

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交給我

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等等，我先出去

165
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我可不想再見識一次

166
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好，開始吧

167
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拉下褲子，把靈魂放上桌子！

168
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普什莫，這傢伙比想像中還會玩

169
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我曾經看過有人
把罐子塞在這裡的影片

170
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他居然塞手榴彈？

171
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布拉杰，你這個瘋子

172
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快把那個塞回去！

173
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冷靜點，我知道我在做什麼

174
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可惡，引信去哪了？

175
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混帳，你幹了什麼好事？

176
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我們所有的財產都在他口袋裡！

177
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我要殺了你！

178
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別動！

179
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你想用那把槍射我嗎？

180
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我可以試試看

181
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現在進入決賽！

182
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接著要等幾分鐘，讓新的影片跑出來

183
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就可以看重播了！

184
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達米樂，你在胡說些什麼？

185
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什麼？

186
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,793
勃納先生，謝謝你

187
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我衷心感謝

188
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你揍扁那些傢伙
就像我兒子撞扁我的車

189
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在他拿到駕照的第二天

190
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不客氣

191
00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:58,543
有需要再來找我

192
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我希望不會再發生這種事了

193
00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:01,959
再見

194
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,626
老大，該如何處理他？埋掉嗎？

195
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:05,959
那樣很虧錢

196
00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:08,251
先隨便丟去別人的地下室吧

197
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,209
等我們領到酬勞後，再處置他

198
00:09:11,293 --> 00:09:12,126
好主意

199
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:14,959
老大，可以快一點嗎？我要趕去約會

200
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看看這傢伙

201
00:09:16,501 --> 00:09:18,876
簡直比廁所裡的惡魔還要欲求不滿

202
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,251
好了，我們走吧

203
00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:29,876
如果你刮到車，我就會刮花你的臉

204
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別擔心，我不會刮到

205
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記得去加油，要加滿

206
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別擔心，我會去加油

207
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再見

208
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該死，惡魔還在後車廂裡

209
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馬辛！

210
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反正有綁起來，他也做不了壞事

211
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好，我們到了

212
00:09:49,376 --> 00:09:51,084
我們來黑麥田幹嘛？

213
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:52,584
妳想想，黑麥能做什麼？

214
00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:54,459
不曉得…伏特加？可以喝？

215
00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:56,209
不，人類會對黑麥做什麼？

216
00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:57,543
黑麥？脫殼嗎？

217
00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:58,876
那個就是暗示

218
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:02,584
畢竟我們已經交往快兩年了

219
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,043
可不可以有點…

220
00:10:04,543 --> 00:10:06,293
更親密的發展？

221
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,584
天啊，終於！

222
00:10:11,668 --> 00:10:14,209
我以為你會閃躲一輩子

223
00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:15,626
你總是只約我看電影

224
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,293
送花、吃浪漫的晚餐

225
00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:20,459
那些烤肉串害我胖了快30公斤

226
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我不介意

227
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:24,043
只希望我們的經驗值差不多

228
00:10:24,126 --> 00:10:26,959
因為我其實還沒有機會嘗試

229
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,126
妳有做過嗎？

230
00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:29,918
如果已經超過12點，今天還沒有

231
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:30,876
過來！

232
00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:36,293
看來在車頂上坐了60公里還挺值得

233
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,543
真希望我有手機能錄影

234
00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:40,209
不過回憶也很足夠

235
00:10:40,293 --> 00:10:42,959
我甚至可以自己添加細節

236
00:10:44,126 --> 00:10:45,209
瑪莉歐拉！

237
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,834
我要讓他見識我的厲害

238
00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:51,543
瑪莉歐拉將目睹我扯斷他的腿！

239
00:10:53,376 --> 00:10:54,209
有惡魔！

240
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,043
這門怎麼打不開？

241
00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:58,376
別走，等下就換妳了

242
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,709
可惡，偏偏在這種時候

243
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,293
他不能等個30秒嗎？

244
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:05,043
該死，我該怎麼做？

245
00:11:05,126 --> 00:11:06,126
如果我救馬辛

246
00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:08,126
他們就會知道我在偷看

247
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,709
-我知道了！
-我要殺了你！

248
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,459
我對天發誓，我會殺了你！

249
00:11:12,959 --> 00:11:15,126
手舉起來，這是搶劫！

250
00:11:18,209 --> 00:11:19,418
別緊張

251
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:20,876
我不會傷害你們

252
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:24,043
你們可以繼續，但馬辛要借我手機玩

253
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:26,126
你幹嘛？

254
00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:29,126
我就知道是你！

255
00:11:30,209 --> 00:11:31,043
（結束）

256
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,168
不到300元就能驅魔

257
00:11:33,251 --> 00:11:36,334
其實只要200元，開發票才會多收錢

258
00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:39,209
小心點，惡魔統領，他將來踹你屁股

259
00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:42,668
小心點，巴特西法，下個目標就是你

260
00:11:47,459 --> 00:11:50,459
字幕翻譯：樓艾苓