1 00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376 A NETFLIX SERIES 2 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,793 Shoot the machine gun like in a diaper! 3 00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:41,043 You mean blindly? 4 00:00:41,126 --> 00:00:42,918 Of course, I meant blindly! 5 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:46,209 We shoot poorly, so it's more accurate to shoot blindly! 6 00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,126 Boss, I don't get it. 7 00:00:48,209 --> 00:00:51,209 I'm shooting from a blank gun, but they're not scared at all. 8 00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:53,126 Unscrew the silencer, you genius! 9 00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:56,043 Damn, that's loud. 10 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:02,001 Rafal, blow your nose and stop swallowing boogers, 11 00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,959 or I'll puke! 12 00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:08,126 What a decadent person we have here. 13 00:01:08,209 --> 00:01:10,543 Mateo, look around you. We live in the sewers. 14 00:01:10,626 --> 00:01:13,959 Stench like morning breath, dampness, 15 00:01:14,043 --> 00:01:16,293 sauna-like steam, vermin… 16 00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,793 Don't exaggerate. There are no vermin. 17 00:01:18,876 --> 00:01:21,626 Yes, because even vermin don't want to live here. 18 00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:23,959 We feed on what we fish out of sewage. 19 00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:26,709 For breakfast, you had-- 20 00:01:26,793 --> 00:01:28,376 Stop it. I know what I ate. 21 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,876 And it was with paper! Yet a runny nose bothers you? 22 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,626 Not to add that it's cold. No wonder I got a cold. 23 00:01:44,293 --> 00:01:47,626 Oh, crap! They killed Marecki! 24 00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:51,709 Bastards! Well, they crossed the line. 25 00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:53,543 They could've been shot with a gun, 26 00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:56,543 but now, they will be hit by the fist. 27 00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:57,459 Hop! 28 00:01:58,293 --> 00:02:00,918 Mateo, there's a ladder for this. 29 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:10,334 Whoever messes with the Sewerators can say goodbye to their teeth! 30 00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:18,293 I'm Najman, and your mouth is the mat! 31 00:02:20,709 --> 00:02:22,459 Leave the boss alone! 32 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,709 Domino, are you okay? 33 00:02:25,626 --> 00:02:28,793 Just give up because my hands are already sore. 34 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:36,626 You! 35 00:02:40,709 --> 00:02:42,293 Phew, we did it. 36 00:02:42,376 --> 00:02:44,543 Well, it was easier than I thought. 37 00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:45,668 Let's get out. 38 00:02:45,751 --> 00:02:48,293 It's hot like a sauna and reeks of morning breath. 39 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,084 At least there are no vermin. 40 00:02:50,626 --> 00:02:53,626 EXORCIST OFFICE / BONER RENOVATION AND CONSTRUCTION SERVICES 41 00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:58,043 Oh Jesus, he fucking infected me. 42 00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,626 Marcin, give me a shot. 43 00:03:00,709 --> 00:03:03,209 How about a tissue first? 44 00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:04,876 Do I look like a woman? 45 00:03:06,668 --> 00:03:08,209 Now, it's two shots. 46 00:03:09,376 --> 00:03:10,543 Do you really want two? 47 00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:14,543 What I really want is the whole bottle, but unfortunately, there's only half. 48 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,168 Oh dear, I'm about to die. 49 00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:22,418 Sir, help me. Good morning. 50 00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:25,043 My wife got possessed. She swelled up. 51 00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:27,501 She's bloated like after eating meatballs. 52 00:03:27,584 --> 00:03:29,959 Her eyes bulged out like a toad's. 53 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,334 She spits venom and black gunk. 54 00:03:32,418 --> 00:03:35,251 She curses like me when I come home drunk in the morning. 55 00:03:35,334 --> 00:03:38,918 But I came home at a quarter to midnight. 56 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,084 I said, "I'll go to the priest for help." 57 00:03:41,168 --> 00:03:43,584 I did. And the priest said he'd help, 58 00:03:43,668 --> 00:03:46,168 but I'd have to pay a voluntary donation. 59 00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,459 I said, "That's too much." 60 00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:50,459 I don't shit money. 61 00:03:50,543 --> 00:03:53,293 Help me at a bargain, sir. I'm sure we can make a deal. 62 00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:54,793 How much does it cost? 63 00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:58,293 Nothing today because I'm on sick leave. 64 00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,626 It's an urgent case. Have mercy. 65 00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:03,709 Forget it. I have to take my medicine. 66 00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:05,626 I'll pay. How much, 500? 67 00:04:06,543 --> 00:04:07,793 Five hundred? 68 00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:08,959 Here's what we'll do. 69 00:04:09,043 --> 00:04:11,043 Marcinek, go with the man and the idiot. 70 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,126 I'll tell you what to do over the phone. 71 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:14,459 Oh shit, the devil! 72 00:04:14,543 --> 00:04:17,126 Calm down, he's tame. 73 00:04:20,543 --> 00:04:21,501 Hello, boss? 74 00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,709 We're about to enter the house. 75 00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:26,959 Suss out the situation first. Why are you calling already? 76 00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:29,043 Do you want me to spend a fortune on my bill? 77 00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:30,959 I'm the one calling you, 78 00:04:31,043 --> 00:04:34,126 and I have an unlimited plan. 79 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:37,376 I'm paying for electricity since my phone's charging. See ya. 80 00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:39,626 Lead the way. 81 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,626 She's upstairs in the bedroom. 82 00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:48,543 Let's go. 83 00:04:48,626 --> 00:04:50,751 Go ahead. I've heard enough today. 84 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,209 -She even spat on me. -Okay, I have an idea. 85 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,793 -I'll say I'm your son. -But we don't have kids. 86 00:04:55,876 --> 00:04:57,293 The demon doesn't know that. 87 00:04:57,376 --> 00:04:59,793 If he possessed her, he'll think I'm your son. 88 00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:01,668 Domino, here's what we'll do. 89 00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:04,418 …shit… 90 00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:09,043 Lewandowski. No. Wait a minute, that's not Lewandowski. 91 00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,293 Hands up and give me the jewelry, or I'll cut your scamp! 92 00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:15,709 -He's beautifully hand-- -Wait. Pause. 93 00:05:16,376 --> 00:05:17,418 I have a son? 94 00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:21,626 Never mind. First of all, you can cut him. I'd love to watch. 95 00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:25,043 And second, get out of here, you little common devil, 96 00:05:25,126 --> 00:05:26,543 because this place is taken. 97 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,959 I possessed this woman to watch the Champions League in peace, 98 00:05:30,043 --> 00:05:32,168 not discuss it with some pissant 99 00:05:32,251 --> 00:05:33,293 during the match. 100 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,584 Champions League? 101 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,959 Can I watch it with you? 102 00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:39,626 How dare you call me "you." Do you know who you're talking to? 103 00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:40,793 Actually, I don't. 104 00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:43,626 Go ahead and watch. Just don't pass out from excitement. 105 00:05:44,668 --> 00:05:45,543 Feel stupid now? 106 00:05:45,626 --> 00:05:47,543 -What happened? -Shit! 107 00:05:48,751 --> 00:05:49,584 Goodbye. 108 00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:53,543 …ling, crossing, and the ball is out. 109 00:05:53,626 --> 00:05:54,543 Yeah? 110 00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:55,793 It's not good, boss. 111 00:05:55,876 --> 00:05:58,043 I know, the cure is out. 112 00:05:58,126 --> 00:05:59,209 No, not that. 113 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,001 That woman who got possessed, 114 00:06:01,084 --> 00:06:03,793 Domino says it's some Anael's doing. 115 00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:05,959 Anael! 116 00:06:06,584 --> 00:06:07,876 Jesus and Mary! 117 00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,876 I hope you didn't disturb him watching some game. 118 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:13,459 Domino did. But he didn't do anything to him. 119 00:06:13,543 --> 00:06:17,501 'Cause the devil. You had more luck than brains, 120 00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:18,876 which isn't much anyway. 121 00:06:18,959 --> 00:06:21,543 But it's good you didn't try to fight him. 122 00:06:21,626 --> 00:06:25,626 Either way, get the hell out of there. When the final whistle blows, 123 00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:28,668 and the outcome of the game is unsatisfactory, 124 00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:31,793 he'll turn your asses to a Swedish buffet. 125 00:06:31,876 --> 00:06:36,043 Anael can only be defeated by his eternal enemy, 126 00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:38,459 Classicozaur. 127 00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:47,293 -Cheapest brew? -Check. 128 00:06:47,376 --> 00:06:49,543 -Cable tie snare? -Check. 129 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,043 -Stick? -Check. 130 00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:52,376 -Flute? -Check. 131 00:06:52,459 --> 00:06:54,293 -Poop? -Domino's working on it. 132 00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:56,293 -Midnight? -In two minutes. 133 00:06:56,376 --> 00:07:00,626 What? So install the system, morons, or it'll be too late. 134 00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:01,543 Yes, sir. 135 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:09,459 How is this supposed to work? 136 00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:13,418 Classicozaur, lured by a spell and beautiful melody, 137 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,834 will appear at the top of the mountain. 138 00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:18,959 Then he will see the beer and run to it. 139 00:07:19,043 --> 00:07:20,834 He'll step on the poop, 140 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,959 so he'll stop to clean his hoof with the stick. 141 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,543 Then, you will pull the cord, 142 00:07:26,626 --> 00:07:28,918 the loop will tighten, and we'll have him. 143 00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:30,793 Perfect plan. 144 00:07:30,876 --> 00:07:32,418 This can't go wrong. 145 00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:34,876 It's eight seconds to midnight. Hide. 146 00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:39,418 "Hear the voice of the flute, demon." 147 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,793 "And come to me." 148 00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:50,626 Who's murdering the pipe? 149 00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:52,751 I hate that melody. 150 00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:01,209 You're dead. 151 00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:03,876 Wait. There's a beer over there. 152 00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:05,751 You! 153 00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:07,626 You know I got an Esperal implant. 154 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:09,126 You wanted to kill me! 155 00:08:10,584 --> 00:08:13,126 Sir! We know where Anael is! 156 00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:15,459 You're joking. 157 00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:27,126 What? What's going on? What time is it? 158 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:30,293 Twenty-seven past two, fucking awesome. 159 00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,876 There's a replay of the match in three minutes. 160 00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:35,293 Tottenham hosts Lokomotiv. 161 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:36,834 I already know the score, 162 00:08:36,918 --> 00:08:40,834 but I didn't watch it carefully because I kept going to the bathroom. 163 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:44,459 Should I go now and risk being late 164 00:08:44,543 --> 00:08:46,751 or hold out until the break? 165 00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:47,709 I can't pause it 166 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:50,501 because then Shakhtar versus Inter will stop recording. 167 00:08:51,043 --> 00:08:53,209 Wait, this isn't even my bed. 168 00:08:53,293 --> 00:08:54,834 I will pee in the sheets. 169 00:08:56,793 --> 00:08:59,709 Jesus, just to not fall asleep as usual. 170 00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:01,293 What's tapping on that window? 171 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,293 Who the devil? 172 00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,209 …our sweet secret! 173 00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:11,001 Classicozaur! 174 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,043 Wait a minute. Pause. No, come back! 175 00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,793 Shakhtar has gone to waste. 176 00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,376 You'll regret this! 177 00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:20,459 Throw that rock at your head, you dumb bastard. What do you want? 178 00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,834 He possessed an old woman! 179 00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:24,751 Wait a second. 180 00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,209 It will be fun to show that to the boys. 181 00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:31,626 Don't you dare! I don't give my consent! GDPR! I will… 182 00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:32,709 Wait. 183 00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:34,876 I can't do it. 184 00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,126 Come on. I'm making a video. 185 00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,126 You'll regret it! 186 00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,959 He left her body, and now they're fighting. 187 00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:49,376 Very good. 188 00:09:49,459 --> 00:09:51,626 If Classicozaur is sober, 189 00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:53,459 then we have a chance to win. 190 00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:56,418 There's a little problem. He couldn't resist 191 00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:59,543 and had the beer regardless of the implant in his butt. 192 00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:00,793 Crap. Did he throw up? 193 00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:01,709 Wait a second. 194 00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:05,876 -He's throwing up now. -Good. That may help. 195 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,126 And now what, 196 00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,793 you classic-scumbag? 197 00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:14,168 -Was it worth it? -Are you sure? 198 00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:16,126 Look down. 199 00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:19,209 You treacherous Judas. 200 00:10:19,293 --> 00:10:23,168 -When did you do that? -I'd rather die than tell you. 201 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,793 Well, okay. 202 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,418 Careful now. I don't think it's too bad. 203 00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:31,418 I did it. 204 00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,334 It will heal in no time. 205 00:10:33,418 --> 00:10:36,376 Now, let's go watch the second half! 206 00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:41,084 Victory! 207 00:10:41,168 --> 00:10:42,626 And that's it? Done? 208 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,959 Tereska, is that you? 209 00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:45,876 You've been drinking. 210 00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:48,126 -That's her. -Boss? 211 00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:50,043 The task has been completed. 212 00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:54,126 All right. Come back, but buy me some medicine on the way. 213 00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:56,876 -At the drugstore? -At the liquor store, Marcinek. 214 00:10:57,376 --> 00:10:59,001 At the liquor store. 215 00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:00,376 THE END 216 00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,418 Exorcist for less than 300 217 00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:05,751 Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more 218 00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,584 Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked 219 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,959 Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you 220 00:11:18,084 --> 00:11:20,334 Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka