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A NETFLIX SERIES
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Shoot the machine gun like in a diaper!
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You mean blindly?
4
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Of course, I meant blindly!
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We shoot poorly,
so it's more accurate to shoot blindly!
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Boss, I don't get it.
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I'm shooting from a blank gun,
but they're not scared at all.
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Unscrew the silencer, you genius!
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Damn, that's loud.
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Rafal, blow your nose
and stop swallowing boogers,
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or I'll puke!
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What a decadent person we have here.
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Mateo, look around you.
We live in the sewers.
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Stench like morning breath, dampness,
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sauna-like steam, vermin…
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Don't exaggerate. There are no vermin.
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Yes, because even vermin
don't want to live here.
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We feed on what we fish out of sewage.
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For breakfast, you had--
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Stop it. I know what I ate.
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And it was with paper!
Yet a runny nose bothers you?
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Not to add that it's cold.
No wonder I got a cold.
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Oh, crap! They killed Marecki!
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Bastards! Well, they crossed the line.
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They could've been shot with a gun,
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but now, they will be hit by the fist.
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Hop!
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Mateo, there's a ladder for this.
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Whoever messes with the Sewerators
can say goodbye to their teeth!
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I'm Najman, and your mouth is the mat!
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Leave the boss alone!
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Domino, are you okay?
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Just give up
because my hands are already sore.
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You!
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Phew, we did it.
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Well, it was easier than I thought.
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Let's get out.
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It's hot like a sauna
and reeks of morning breath.
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At least there are no vermin.
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EXORCIST OFFICE / BONER RENOVATION
AND CONSTRUCTION SERVICES
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Oh Jesus, he fucking infected me.
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Marcin, give me a shot.
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How about a tissue first?
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Do I look like a woman?
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Now, it's two shots.
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Do you really want two?
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What I really want is the whole bottle,
but unfortunately, there's only half.
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Oh dear, I'm about to die.
49
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Sir, help me. Good morning.
50
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My wife got possessed. She swelled up.
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She's bloated like after eating meatballs.
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Her eyes bulged out like a toad's.
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She spits venom and black gunk.
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She curses like me
when I come home drunk in the morning.
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But I came home at a quarter to midnight.
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I said, "I'll go to the priest for help."
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I did. And the priest said he'd help,
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but I'd have to pay a voluntary donation.
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I said, "That's too much."
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I don't shit money.
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Help me at a bargain, sir.
I'm sure we can make a deal.
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How much does it cost?
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Nothing today because I'm on sick leave.
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It's an urgent case. Have mercy.
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Forget it. I have to take my medicine.
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I'll pay. How much, 500?
67
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Five hundred?
68
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Here's what we'll do.
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Marcinek, go with the man and the idiot.
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I'll tell you what to do over the phone.
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Oh shit, the devil!
72
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Calm down, he's tame.
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Hello, boss?
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We're about to enter the house.
75
00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:26,959
Suss out the situation first.
Why are you calling already?
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Do you want me to spend
a fortune on my bill?
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I'm the one calling you,
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and I have an unlimited plan.
79
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I'm paying for electricity
since my phone's charging. See ya.
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Lead the way.
81
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She's upstairs in the bedroom.
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Let's go.
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Go ahead. I've heard enough today.
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-She even spat on me.
-Okay, I have an idea.
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-I'll say I'm your son.
-But we don't have kids.
86
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The demon doesn't know that.
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If he possessed her,
he'll think I'm your son.
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Domino, here's what we'll do.
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…shit…
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Lewandowski.
No. Wait a minute, that's not Lewandowski.
91
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,293
Hands up and give me the jewelry,
or I'll cut your scamp!
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-He's beautifully hand--
-Wait. Pause.
93
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I have a son?
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Never mind. First of all,
you can cut him. I'd love to watch.
95
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And second, get out of here,
you little common devil,
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because this place is taken.
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I possessed this woman to watch
the Champions League in peace,
98
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not discuss it with some pissant
99
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during the match.
100
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,584
Champions League?
101
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Can I watch it with you?
102
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:39,626
How dare you call me "you."
Do you know who you're talking to?
103
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Actually, I don't.
104
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Go ahead and watch.
Just don't pass out from excitement.
105
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Feel stupid now?
106
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-What happened?
-Shit!
107
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Goodbye.
108
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…ling, crossing, and the ball is out.
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Yeah?
110
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It's not good, boss.
111
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I know, the cure is out.
112
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No, not that.
113
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That woman who got possessed,
114
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Domino says it's some Anael's doing.
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Anael!
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Jesus and Mary!
117
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I hope you didn't disturb him
watching some game.
118
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Domino did.
But he didn't do anything to him.
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'Cause the devil.
You had more luck than brains,
120
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which isn't much anyway.
121
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But it's good you didn't try to fight him.
122
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Either way, get the hell out of there.
When the final whistle blows,
123
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and the outcome of the game
is unsatisfactory,
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he'll turn your asses to a Swedish buffet.
125
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Anael can only be defeated
by his eternal enemy,
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Classicozaur.
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-Cheapest brew?
-Check.
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-Cable tie snare?
-Check.
129
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-Stick?
-Check.
130
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-Flute?
-Check.
131
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-Poop?
-Domino's working on it.
132
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-Midnight?
-In two minutes.
133
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What? So install the system, morons,
or it'll be too late.
134
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Yes, sir.
135
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How is this supposed to work?
136
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Classicozaur, lured by a spell
and beautiful melody,
137
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will appear at the top of the mountain.
138
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Then he will see the beer and run to it.
139
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He'll step on the poop,
140
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,959
so he'll stop
to clean his hoof with the stick.
141
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Then, you will pull the cord,
142
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the loop will tighten, and we'll have him.
143
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Perfect plan.
144
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This can't go wrong.
145
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It's eight seconds to midnight. Hide.
146
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"Hear the voice of the flute, demon."
147
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"And come to me."
148
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Who's murdering the pipe?
149
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I hate that melody.
150
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You're dead.
151
00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:03,876
Wait. There's a beer over there.
152
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You!
153
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:07,626
You know I got an Esperal implant.
154
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You wanted to kill me!
155
00:08:10,584 --> 00:08:13,126
Sir! We know where Anael is!
156
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You're joking.
157
00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:27,126
What? What's going on? What time is it?
158
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:30,293
Twenty-seven past two, fucking awesome.
159
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,876
There's a replay of the match
in three minutes.
160
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:35,293
Tottenham hosts Lokomotiv.
161
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I already know the score,
162
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but I didn't watch it carefully
because I kept going to the bathroom.
163
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Should I go now and risk being late
164
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or hold out until the break?
165
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:47,709
I can't pause it
166
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:50,501
because then Shakhtar versus Inter
will stop recording.
167
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Wait, this isn't even my bed.
168
00:08:53,293 --> 00:08:54,834
I will pee in the sheets.
169
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Jesus, just to not fall asleep as usual.
170
00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:01,293
What's tapping on that window?
171
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,293
Who the devil?
172
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:06,209
…our sweet secret!
173
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Classicozaur!
174
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,043
Wait a minute. Pause. No, come back!
175
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,793
Shakhtar has gone to waste.
176
00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,376
You'll regret this!
177
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:20,459
Throw that rock at your head,
you dumb bastard. What do you want?
178
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He possessed an old woman!
179
00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:24,751
Wait a second.
180
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,209
It will be fun to show that to the boys.
181
00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:31,626
Don't you dare! I don't give my consent!
GDPR! I will…
182
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:32,709
Wait.
183
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:34,876
I can't do it.
184
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,126
Come on. I'm making a video.
185
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You'll regret it!
186
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,959
He left her body,
and now they're fighting.
187
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Very good.
188
00:09:49,459 --> 00:09:51,626
If Classicozaur is sober,
189
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then we have a chance to win.
190
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:56,418
There's a little problem.
He couldn't resist
191
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:59,543
and had the beer
regardless of the implant in his butt.
192
00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:00,793
Crap. Did he throw up?
193
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:01,709
Wait a second.
194
00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:05,876
-He's throwing up now.
-Good. That may help.
195
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,126
And now what,
196
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,793
you classic-scumbag?
197
00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:14,168
-Was it worth it?
-Are you sure?
198
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:16,126
Look down.
199
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:19,209
You treacherous Judas.
200
00:10:19,293 --> 00:10:23,168
-When did you do that?
-I'd rather die than tell you.
201
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,793
Well, okay.
202
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,418
Careful now. I don't think it's too bad.
203
00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:31,418
I did it.
204
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,334
It will heal in no time.
205
00:10:33,418 --> 00:10:36,376
Now, let's go watch the second half!
206
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:41,084
Victory!
207
00:10:41,168 --> 00:10:42,626
And that's it? Done?
208
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,959
Tereska, is that you?
209
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:45,876
You've been drinking.
210
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:48,126
-That's her.
-Boss?
211
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:50,043
The task has been completed.
212
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:54,126
All right. Come back,
but buy me some medicine on the way.
213
00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:56,876
-At the drugstore?
-At the liquor store, Marcinek.
214
00:10:57,376 --> 00:10:59,001
At the liquor store.
215
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:00,376
THE END
216
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,418
Exorcist for less than 300
217
00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:05,751
Actually, it's 200
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
218
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,584
Watch it, Belzedup
You're gonna get your ass kicked
219
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,959
Watch it, Dupcyper
He's aiming at you
220
00:11:18,084 --> 00:11:20,334
Subtitle translation by:
Agnieszka Czarnecka