A NETFLIX SERIES
Shoot the machine gun like in a diaper!
You mean blindly?
Of course, I meant blindly!
We shoot poorly, so it's more accurate to shoot blindly!
Boss, I don't get it.
I'm shooting from a blank gun, but they're not scared at all.
Unscrew the silencer, you genius!
Damn, that's loud.
Rafal, blow your nose and stop swallowing boogers,
or I'll puke!
What a decadent person we have here.
Mateo, look around you. We live in the sewers.
Stench like morning breath, dampness,
sauna-like steam, vermin…
Don't exaggerate. There are no vermin.
Yes, because even vermin don't want to live here.
We feed on what we fish out of sewage.
For breakfast, you had--
Stop it. I know what I ate.
And it was with paper! Yet a runny nose bothers you?
Not to add that it's cold. No wonder I got a cold.
Oh, crap! They killed Marecki!
Bastards! Well, they crossed the line.
They could've been shot with a gun,
but now, they will be hit by the fist.
Hop!
Mateo, there's a ladder for this.
Whoever messes with the Sewerators can say goodbye to their teeth!
I'm Najman, and your mouth is the mat!
Leave the boss alone!
Domino, are you okay?
Just give up because my hands are already sore.
You!
Phew, we did it.
Well, it was easier than I thought.
Let's get out.
It's hot like a sauna and reeks of morning breath.
At least there are no vermin.
EXORCIST OFFICE / BONER RENOVATION AND CONSTRUCTION SERVICES
Oh Jesus, he fucking infected me.
Marcin, give me a shot.
How about a tissue first?
Do I look like a woman?
Now, it's two shots.
Do you really want two?
What I really want is the whole bottle, but unfortunately, there's only half.
Oh dear, I'm about to die.
Sir, help me. Good morning.
My wife got possessed. She swelled up.
She's bloated like after eating meatballs.
Her eyes bulged out like a toad's.
She spits venom and black gunk.
She curses like me when I come home drunk in the morning.
But I came home at a quarter to midnight.
I said, "I'll go to the priest for help."
I did. And the priest said he'd help,
but I'd have to pay a voluntary donation.
I said, "That's too much."
I don't shit money.
Help me at a bargain, sir. I'm sure we can make a deal.
How much does it cost?
Nothing today because I'm on sick leave.
It's an urgent case. Have mercy.
Forget it. I have to take my medicine.
I'll pay. How much, 500?
Five hundred?
Here's what we'll do.
Marcinek, go with the man and the idiot.
I'll tell you what to do over the phone.
Oh shit, the devil!
Calm down, he's tame.
Hello, boss?
We're about to enter the house.
Suss out the situation first. Why are you calling already?
Do you want me to spend a fortune on my bill?
I'm the one calling you,
and I have an unlimited plan.
I'm paying for electricity since my phone's charging. See ya.
Lead the way.
She's upstairs in the bedroom.
Let's go.
Go ahead. I've heard enough today.
-She even spat on me. -Okay, I have an idea.
-I'll say I'm your son. -But we don't have kids.
The demon doesn't know that.
If he possessed her, he'll think I'm your son.
Domino, here's what we'll do.
…shit…
Lewandowski. No. Wait a minute, that's not Lewandowski.
Hands up and give me the jewelry, or I'll cut your scamp!
-He's beautifully hand-- -Wait. Pause.
I have a son?
Never mind. First of all, you can cut him. I'd love to watch.
And second, get out of here, you little common devil,
because this place is taken.
I possessed this woman to watch the Champions League in peace,
not discuss it with some pissant
during the match.
Champions League?
Can I watch it with you?
How dare you call me "you." Do you know who you're talking to?
Actually, I don't.
Go ahead and watch. Just don't pass out from excitement.
Feel stupid now?
-What happened? -Shit!
Goodbye.
…ling, crossing, and the ball is out.
Yeah?
It's not good, boss.
I know, the cure is out.
No, not that.
That woman who got possessed,
Domino says it's some Anael's doing.
Anael!
Jesus and Mary!
I hope you didn't disturb him watching some game.
Domino did. But he didn't do anything to him.
'Cause the devil. You had more luck than brains,
which isn't much anyway.
But it's good you didn't try to fight him.
Either way, get the hell out of there. When the final whistle blows,
and the outcome of the game is unsatisfactory,
he'll turn your asses to a Swedish buffet.
Anael can only be defeated by his eternal enemy,
Classicozaur.
-Cheapest brew? -Check.
-Cable tie snare? -Check.
-Stick? -Check.
-Flute? -Check.
-Poop? -Domino's working on it.
-Midnight? -In two minutes.
What? So install the system, morons, or it'll be too late.
Yes, sir.
How is this supposed to work?
Classicozaur, lured by a spell and beautiful melody,
will appear at the top of the mountain.
Then he will see the beer and run to it.
He'll step on the poop,
so he'll stop to clean his hoof with the stick.
Then, you will pull the cord,
the loop will tighten, and we'll have him.
Perfect plan.
This can't go wrong.
It's eight seconds to midnight. Hide.
"Hear the voice of the flute, demon."
"And come to me."
Who's murdering the pipe?
I hate that melody.
You're dead.
Wait. There's a beer over there.
You!
You know I got an Esperal implant.
You wanted to kill me!
Sir! We know where Anael is!
You're joking.
What? What's going on? What time is it?
Twenty-seven past two, fucking awesome.
There's a replay of the match in three minutes.
Tottenham hosts Lokomotiv.
I already know the score,
but I didn't watch it carefully because I kept going to the bathroom.
Should I go now and risk being late
or hold out until the break?
I can't pause it
because then Shakhtar versus Inter will stop recording.
Wait, this isn't even my bed.
I will pee in the sheets.
Jesus, just to not fall asleep as usual.
What's tapping on that window?
Who the devil?
…our sweet secret!
Classicozaur!
Wait a minute. Pause. No, come back!
Shakhtar has gone to waste.
You'll regret this!
Throw that rock at your head, you dumb bastard. What do you want?
He possessed an old woman!
Wait a second.
It will be fun to show that to the boys.
Don't you dare! I don't give my consent! GDPR! I will…
Wait.
I can't do it.
Come on. I'm making a video.
You'll regret it!
He left her body, and now they're fighting.
Very good.
If Classicozaur is sober,
then we have a chance to win.
There's a little problem. He couldn't resist
and had the beer regardless of the implant in his butt.
Crap. Did he throw up?
Wait a second.
-He's throwing up now. -Good. That may help.
And now what,
you classic-scumbag?
-Was it worth it? -Are you sure?
Look down.
You treacherous Judas.
-When did you do that? -I'd rather die than tell you.
Well, okay.
Careful now. I don't think it's too bad.
I did it.
It will heal in no time.
Now, let's go watch the second half!
Victory!
And that's it? Done?
Tereska, is that you?
You've been drinking.
-That's her. -Boss?
The task has been completed.
All right. Come back, but buy me some medicine on the way.
-At the drugstore? -At the liquor store, Marcinek.
At the liquor store.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka