NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
THE GOLDEN BUDDHA
You can all kiss my ass...
and vice versa.
Period.
Signed – Franc Larson.
My fish!
I hope you'll end up in good hands...
Or else no more daphnia for you.
Correct. It's a revolver!
This is a robbery.
Hands up!
-Seriously? -No tricks!
When I'm nervous, I might accidentally pull the trigger.
So, let's get serious now.
Tell me where you keep your remote control and I might spare you.
Wait!
Is it real? I guess it is.
You thought you could outsmart me, didn't you?
No freaking way.
It must be my lucky day.
Go back to whatever you were doing. I'm out of here.
Go, go, go!
Let's go! What a trip! I even broke the aquarium just for fun!
Enough is enough...
Teresa, since you're already dead, and you can't hear me,
let me confess something.
I didn't go behind the filter to poop.
I actually cheated on you with an algae-eater.
He was amazing, really.
Charged me only 50 zlotys.
Got you.
I'll get even with you up in the fish heaven.
Oh, man, that sucks. What should I do now?
I know, fish hell! Shit, fuck, cock...
This isn't a pet clinic, mister,
but a serious construction and dedevilization company.
I'm here for the second one. You sure it won't bite?
OK, the fee is 200. Three hundred with an invoice.
Pay upfront. I've lost my patience, so pay up or get out now.
Three hundred and no invoice sounds OK.
Well, would you care for a drink? Coffee, tea? Something stronger?
No, thank you. As I was saying,
I got robbed and my living room was destroyed.
The offender came from Hell and drove a black Nubira.
Two-Barrel Bill.
-What did he steal? -My golden Buddha.
Only one item, but very valuable.
Good. We're gonna make a news announcement,
informing about a theft of the replica
and disclosing the location of the original.
He'll return to get it, and we'll catch him right on the spot.
I'm afraid the media won't be interested in covering this.
Luckily for us, I know some people at one of the TV networks.
Yeah, finished.
Excellent.
Now, something harder.
-A shot of vodka. -Do I really have to, boss?
You do. Thanks to me, you're growing up so fast.
This calls for a toast! To make sure the job will go smoothly.
Go for it. It's all paid for.
What? You didn't pay for it.
Come on, we're gonna screw over that dude from the pawn shop,
and I'll pay off my debts at every pub in Hell.
I might even pay off my whore bills too.
No, straight up.
No, fight the reflux!
-You are ready. -Really?
-You see that chick? -Yeah.
Go, pick her up.
She's with some dude.
That's the thing.
I'm a fitness trainer at a gym. I can get you a discount.
Got a problem?
Sorry.
Hi there, wanna drink?
No, you didn't.
That's it.
Turn it up.
Not only he was dumb but also stupid.
He got turned on by some fake-gold shit from a flea-market.
I keep my valuables in a safe-box.
And I actually spared your life... Kid!
Yes, boss?
Pick up your teeth. We're going on the surface!
He could've died from a levolver shot,
but because mocked me, I'll kill him with a lasso!
You don't have a lasso permit, boss!
You're relentless.
He fucking pissed me off. Let's go.
Ring the buzzer. My hands are busy.
It's a bow, boss. I can't just let go of the string.
Gotta take a shot.
So shoot it. My hand's hurting already.
Ouch, my hand's gone numb.
He's not home. Maybe we should go back to Hell?
Maybe we should kick your ass?
This place is awesome, but not really my style.
Not enough fancy shit.
Shh...
Show me your hands, loser.
I have you at gunpoint.
Two-Barrel Bill.
Oh no, it's you again. What do you want?
This.
You thought I'd go for that cheap shit?
Where's the original?
You're holding it.
Correct. You got played.
Now, say your final goodbyes.
Don't worry, it won't hurt.
You're gonna feel a slight punch on your forehead.
It's like French sex with no lights on.
Ready?
Sorry, man!
You're dead already!
It looks pretty easy in the movies.
Change of plans, kid.
I run back to Nubira to get some bullets, and you fire!
Oops.
He's not working alone.
-Wanna chase him? -No need.
We got the figurine back, and the perpetrator was punished.
His associate's gone, so the job's done.
Done, fine. But there won't be any bonus.
Get out now. I've got stuff to do.
OK, see you. We'll be happy to help again.
What a day.
The guy totally overpaid, and we got rid of Two-Asshole Bill.
-You mean Two-Barrel... -I didn't really look at him that closely.
The radiator's broken.
Won't drive too far.
There's only one place where he can be.
You'll replace the radiator or...
Are you kidding me? Wanna hurt me with air?
What is this? Stop it, now.
I'm gonna blow up! Shut it down.
OK, I'll fix it.
Good...
You're a real weirdo.
And a sadistic one, too.
Just do your job...
Damn it.
Get rid of the dog. He's gonna hear us.
He must've smelled alcohol. Dogs hate it. I'll handle it.
Fafik, come...
Ouch!
You know as much about dogs, as Charlie Sheen about condoms.
He bites, because he's afraid. Gotta squat to be at his level.
Hands behind the back, so he can see I mean no harm.
And a friendly voice...
Here, doggie.
Help!
OK!
Back to the kennel, you son of a bitch!
These village pooches are only afraid of men with a stick.
Where is he?
Follow him!
Wrong way, boss!
I know a shortcut. Follow him and I'll cut him off!
They're after me like a teenager's after porn.
Tagged!
Wait. Let's talk first.
Here, take his wallet...
There is no money inside, but there will be once you put some in.
Whose picture is it?
He's got him! Don't shoot, boss.
Not yet! I wanna see it!
Run, before I change my mind.
Boss! Why did you let him go?
Shut up! You don't know who that was.
-Some big fish? -Worse!
My son...
THE END