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A NETFLIX SERIES
2
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SICK LEAVE
3
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,793
Pump lead into them
like shit into a diaper!
4
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:40,876
You mean blindly?
5
00:00:40,959 --> 00:00:42,918
Of course, I meant blindly!
6
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We are all poor shots anyways
so it's more accurate to shoot blindly!
7
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,126
Boss, I really don't get it.
8
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I'm shooting blanks to scare them off,
but they're not scared at all.
9
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Unscrew the damn silencer, asshole!
10
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Oh shit, that's really loud.
11
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Rafał, blow your fucking nose
and stop swallowing those boogers,
12
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or you're gonna make me throw up!
13
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You think you're so fancy, don't you?
14
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Mateo, look around you.
We live in the fucking sewers.
15
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It smells like morning breath,
and it's very damp.
16
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It's steamy like a sauna,
and bugs everywhere.
17
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Don't exaggerate.
There aren't any bugs here.
18
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No, you're right, not even bugs want
to live down here.
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We feed on whatever we find
in the sewage.
20
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For breakfast, you had--
21
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Okay, enough. I know what the fuck I ate.
22
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With toilet paper still on it!
But a runny nose matters?
23
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Aah, and it's cold.
No wonder I get so sick down here.
24
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Oh, crap!
25
00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:47,626
They fucking killed Marenski!
26
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You bastards! Well, now these guys
really crossed the line.
27
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They could have just gotten shot
in the face,
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but now, they will taste my little fists.
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Hop!
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Mateo, there's a ladder for that,
you idiot.
31
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Anyone who messes
with the Demon Sewerators,
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can go ahead and say goodbye
to their teeth!
33
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I am Ninjaman,
and your face is a freaking punching bag!
34
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Leave the boss alone! Aah!
35
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Oh crap, Domino, are you okay?
36
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Just die already!
My hands are starting to fucking bruise.
37
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Why you!
38
00:02:40,709 --> 00:02:42,293
Phew, we got the job done, guys.
39
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Well, that was a lot easier
than I thought.
40
00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:45,876
Let's get the fuck out of here.
41
00:02:45,959 --> 00:02:48,293
It's steamy like a sauna
and smells like morning breath.
42
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,543
Well, at least we don't have to worry
about bugs.
43
00:02:50,626 --> 00:02:52,918
EXORCIST OFFICE / BONER RENOVATION
AND CONSTRUCTION SERVICES
44
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,001
Oh sweet Jesus…
45
00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:58,043
…the bastard
must have given me something.
46
00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,626
Marcin, give me a shot, please.
47
00:03:00,709 --> 00:03:03,209
Hey, boss.
How about a tissue first, maybe?
48
00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:04,876
Do I look like a fucking woman?
49
00:03:06,668 --> 00:03:08,209
Now I'll need two fucking shots.
50
00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:10,543
You really want two shots?
51
00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:12,709
What I really want is
the whole damn bottle,
52
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but I only have half of it left.
53
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:18,543
Oh Lord, I'm going to fucking die.
54
00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:22,418
Help me, mister. Good morning.
55
00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:25,043
My wife got possessed.
She swelled up like a balloon.
56
00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:27,293
She's bloated like
she's just eaten meatballs.
57
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Her eyes bulged out like a toad's.
58
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She's spitting venom,
disgusting black gunk.
59
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And she's cussing at me
as if I came home drunk yesterday
60
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in the early hours of the morning.
61
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And I hadn't even drank, because it was
a quarter before midnight at the time.
62
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,001
I said, "I will go to the priest
for some help."
63
00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:43,668
I did. And the priest said
he would help me, you know?
64
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But I would have to pay him
a voluntary donation up front.
65
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,459
I said, "No! That's too fucking much."
66
00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:50,501
Do I look like I shit money?
67
00:03:50,584 --> 00:03:53,293
Help me at a bargain price, sir.
I'm sure we can make a deal.
68
00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:54,793
How much does it cost for your help?
69
00:03:54,876 --> 00:03:58,293
Today…It's nothing
because I'm taking a sick day.
70
00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,626
Please have some mercy on me, it's urgent.
71
00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:03,709
Forget it, mister.
I have to rest and take my medicine today.
72
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I promise I'll pay.
How much? Five hundred?
73
00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:07,293
Hmm. Five hundred, huh?
74
00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:09,126
Fine. Here's what we'll do.
75
00:04:09,209 --> 00:04:11,084
Marcinek, you go with the man
and take the idiot.
76
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I'll guide you over the phone,
tell you what to do.
77
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Oh shit, a demon!
78
00:04:14,543 --> 00:04:17,126
Calm down, he's……tame.
79
00:04:20,543 --> 00:04:23,709
Hello, boss man? We're here
and we are about to head into the house.
80
00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:26,001
First you have to
check out the situation inside.
81
00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:29,043
You're calling too soon. Do you want me
to spend a fortune on my phone bill?
82
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:30,959
First of all, I'm the one calling you,
83
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and secondly, I have an unlimited
text and call cell phone plan.
84
00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:37,376
But I am paying the electricity bill
since my phone is on the charger. See ya.
85
00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:39,668
Lead the way.
86
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:46,501
She's upstairs.
87
00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:47,459
In the bedroom.
88
00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:48,543
Well then, let's go.
89
00:04:48,626 --> 00:04:50,751
Go ahead.
I've heard enough of her shit today.
90
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,209
-She even spat on me.
-All right then, I've got this.
91
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,793
-I'll tell her that I'm your son.
-But we don't have any kids.
92
00:04:55,876 --> 00:04:57,251
The demon doesn't know that.
93
00:04:57,334 --> 00:04:59,793
If he possessed her body,
then he will think that I am your son.
94
00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:02,501
Listen, Domino,
here's what we'll do.
95
00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:09,043
Lewandowski, Lewandowski.
No. Wait a minute, that's not Lewandowski.
96
00:05:09,668 --> 00:05:11,668
Put your hands up
and give me all of your jewelry,
97
00:05:11,751 --> 00:05:13,293
or else your stupid brat son gets it!
98
00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:16,001
-Driving down the field--
-Wait. Pause this.
99
00:05:16,084 --> 00:05:18,168
Uh, I have a son? Never mind.
100
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:21,626
First of all, go ahead and cut him,
I would love to watch that.
101
00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:24,334
And secondly,
you are just an ordinary demon.
102
00:05:24,418 --> 00:05:26,501
Get the hell out of here!
This place is taken.
103
00:05:26,584 --> 00:05:27,668
I possessed this woman
104
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so that I could watch
the Champions Soccer League in peace,
105
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not so I could discuss it
with some peasants like you.
106
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And not during the match.
107
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,668
Oh, the Champions League?
108
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:35,959
Can I watch with you, man?
109
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:38,543
How dare you address me
with such little respect.
110
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-Don't you know who I am?
-Actually, I have no idea.
111
00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:43,459
Then I will show you,
but don't get too excited though.
112
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-Dumbass.
-Um, what happened?
113
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-Fuck you all!
-Uh-oh. Goodbye now.
114
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,543
…crossing, crossing,
and the ball is out.
115
00:05:53,626 --> 00:05:54,543
Yeah?
116
00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:55,793
It's not looking good, boss.
117
00:05:55,876 --> 00:05:58,043
I know. I just ran out of all my medicine.
118
00:05:58,126 --> 00:05:59,126
No, not that.
119
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That woman who got possessed by a demon,
120
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Domino says it is someone by the name
of Anael or something like that.
121
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Anael!
122
00:06:06,584 --> 00:06:07,876
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
123
00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,876
I hope you didn't go inside and disturb
him while he was watching the game.
124
00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:13,459
Well, I didn't. Domino.
But he didn't do anything to him.
125
00:06:13,543 --> 00:06:14,376
He's a demon.
126
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:17,501
The only reason you got out of there
was pure luck, not any skill
127
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:18,959
which really isn't saying much.
128
00:06:19,043 --> 00:06:21,543
But you did a great job
not trying to fight the demon.
129
00:06:21,626 --> 00:06:23,834
Either way,
get the hell out of there right now.
130
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,626
When the final whistle blows,
131
00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:28,668
and he finds the outcome
of the game unsatisfactory,
132
00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:31,793
he will turn your asses
into a smorgasbord.
133
00:06:31,876 --> 00:06:36,043
Anael has only one weakness,
and that is his true mortal enemy.
134
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The mighty Classicosaurus.
135
00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:47,293
-You have the cheapest beer?
-Affirmative.
136
00:06:47,376 --> 00:06:49,543
-Do you have a cable tie snare?
-Affirmative.
137
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,043
-You got a stick?
-Affirmative.
138
00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:52,376
-Flute?
-Affirmative.
139
00:06:52,459 --> 00:06:54,293
-Some poop?
-Domino's working on it.
140
00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:56,293
-Midnight?
-Midnight's n two minutes.
141
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:59,126
What? Then install the system,
you fucking morons,
142
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:00,626
or it will be too late to catch him.
143
00:07:00,709 --> 00:07:02,209
Yes, sir.
144
00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:09,459
How is this supposed to work?
145
00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:13,876
Classicosaurus, lured in by a magic spell
and a beautiful melody,
146
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:15,918
will appear at the top of the hill.
147
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:19,084
Then he will see the beer and run to it.
148
00:07:19,168 --> 00:07:21,251
While running he will step into the poop,
149
00:07:21,334 --> 00:07:23,876
so he will stop to clean his hoof
with the stick.
150
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:26,584
At that point, you will pull
that cord that you are holding,
151
00:07:26,668 --> 00:07:28,918
the loop will tighten around his ankle,
and we'll have him.
152
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:30,959
Great. This is absolutely
the perfect plan.
153
00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:32,501
Nothing can possibly go wrong here.
154
00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:34,959
Oh crap,
it's eight seconds to midnight. Hide.
155
00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:39,418
"Hear the melody
of this beautiful flute, demon,
156
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,834
and follow me to receive your loot."
157
00:07:48,126 --> 00:07:50,626
Who is the one murdering that pipe though?
158
00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:54,543
I hate that stupid fucking melody. Aah!
159
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:01,293
You are so dead now, dick-breath.
160
00:08:01,376 --> 00:08:03,876
Wait, wait. Hold on.
There's a beer over there.
161
00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:05,709
Why, you little!
162
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:07,626
I have a severe alcohol allergy.
163
00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:10,501
I think you were trying
to fucking kill me!
164
00:08:10,584 --> 00:08:13,126
Sir! Sir! Wait.
We happen to know where Anael is!
165
00:08:14,043 --> 00:08:15,668
You are fucking kidding me.
166
00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:27,126
What? What's going on?
Um, What… What time is it?
167
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:30,251
it's twenty-seven past two.
Oh, fucking awesome.
168
00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:32,918
There's a replay of the match
in just three minutes.
169
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:35,293
Tottenham home game against Lokomotiv.
170
00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:36,834
I already know the score though,
171
00:08:36,918 --> 00:08:40,043
but I didn't watch it carefully because
I kept having to go to the bathroom.
172
00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:41,001
I mean, she did.
173
00:08:41,084 --> 00:08:42,001
The question now is:
174
00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:44,418
should I go now
and risk being late for the kickoff,
175
00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,751
or should I hold it in
until the halftime break?
176
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,459
I can't pause it because I am recording
Shakhtar versus Inter,
177
00:08:49,543 --> 00:08:50,959
and that will stop it.
178
00:08:51,043 --> 00:08:53,209
Hold on. What is the problem here?
179
00:08:53,293 --> 00:08:55,293
I forgot this isn't my bed.
180
00:08:55,376 --> 00:08:56,709
Ah.
181
00:08:56,793 --> 00:08:59,293
Jesus, I gotta make sure
that I don't fucking fall asleep again.
182
00:08:59,376 --> 00:09:01,918
What is that tapping on the window?
183
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,293
What in the devil?
184
00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:11,001
Classicosaurus!
185
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,043
Hold on. Pause this. Oh no, wait!
186
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,751
Well, so much for Shakhtar.
187
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:16,876
You are going to regret this!
188
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:20,459
Hey! Try throwing those at your head,
you dusty skin flute. What do you want?
189
00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,834
He possessed an old fat lady!
190
00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:24,751
Wait a sec.
191
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,209
The guys are gonna have a field day
with all these photos.
192
00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:29,376
Don't you dare!
I do not consent to any of it!
193
00:09:29,459 --> 00:09:31,626
Holy shit! I am going to…
194
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:34,876
Just a second.
I can't get through it.
195
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,126
Come on, come on.
I'm taking a video.
196
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,126
You'll regret this!
197
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,959
He left her body,
and now they are outside fighting.
198
00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:49,376
That's very good.
199
00:09:49,459 --> 00:09:51,626
If Classicosaurus is sober at all,
200
00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:53,459
then we have a really good chance
of winning.
201
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:55,084
There is just kind of a little problem.
202
00:09:55,168 --> 00:09:57,043
Classicosaurus couldn't
resist the temptation
203
00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,543
and drank the beer despite
having a severe alcohol allergy.
204
00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:00,793
Oh crap. Did he puke?
205
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:01,709
Just a second.
206
00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:04,293
-He's puking now.
-Excellent then.
207
00:10:04,376 --> 00:10:05,876
There's a chance that'll sober him up.
208
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,793
And now what,
you piece of Classicosaurus-scum?
209
00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:14,251
-This was so worth it.
-Are you sure about that?
210
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:16,126
Look down at your ugly ass.
211
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:20,501
Why, you treacherous fucking Judas!
When did you have the time to do that?
212
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:23,418
I would rather die
than tell you how sneaky I am.
213
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,793
Well, okay then.
214
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,418
Be very careful now. It's not too bad.
215
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:31,418
Oh! There, I got it out.
216
00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:33,334
It will heal in no time.
217
00:10:33,418 --> 00:10:36,376
Now, let's run inside
and watch the second half of the game!
218
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:42,626
-We fucking got him!
-That's it? It's really over?
219
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,959
-Tereska, is that you?
-You drank!
220
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,126
-Yeah, that's her.
-Hey, boss.
221
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:50,043
The mission
has been successfully completed.
222
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,459
That's wonderful.
223
00:10:51,543 --> 00:10:54,126
Come back now, but stop
and get me some medicine on the way.
224
00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:57,334
-From the drugstore?
-No, from the liquor store, Marcinek.
225
00:10:57,418 --> 00:10:59,043
From the fucking liquor store.
226
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:00,376
THE END