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NETFLIX 影集

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劇名：病假

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用機關槍掃射！
就像在尿布裡盡情解放！

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那是盲目亂射的意思嗎？

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沒錯，盲目亂射！

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反正我們瞄不準
亂射的命中率還比較高

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老大，我不明白

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我發了空包彈，但他們都沒被嚇到

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拔掉消音器，你這個蠢材！

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可惡，好大聲

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拉法爾，去擤鼻涕

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然後別再吃你的鼻屎

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我快吐了！

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你是哪裡來的衛生糾察？

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馬特，你看看四周

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我們住在下水道裡

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這裡充滿濃烈的口臭味和溼氣

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跟三溫暖一樣熱，還有各種害蟲

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你少來，這裡才沒有害蟲

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沒錯，因為連害蟲都不想住這裡

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我們靠打撈污水裡的食物為生

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你早餐吃了…

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夠了，我知道我吃了什麼

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而且裡面還有衛生紙！

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你卻嫌我流鼻涕？

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更別提食物都是冷的，難怪我會感冒

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糟糕，他們殺了馬瑞基！

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這些混蛋！他們正式越界了

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原本只想用槍射殺他們

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現在我要用拳頭了！

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我跳！

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馬特，這裡有梯子

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誰敢打擾我們下水道惡魔

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就等著跟自己的門牙說再見吧！

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我是拳擊手，你的臉是沙包！

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快放開老大！

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天啊，達米樂你還好嗎？

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快投降，因為我的手已經開始酸了

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你這傢伙！

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太好了，終於解決

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對，比我想像中簡單

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我們快離開吧

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這裡熱得像三溫暖

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空氣中還充滿了口臭味

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至少這裡沒有害蟲

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（驅魔狂人辦公室
勃納建築事務所）

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我的天啊

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他居然把感冒傳染給我

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馬辛，給我來杯酒

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老大，你要不要先來點衛生紙？

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我看起來像個女人嗎？

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現在我需要喝兩杯了

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你真的要喝兩杯嗎？

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我其實想喝一整瓶

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可惜現在只剩下一半

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完了，我大概快死了

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先生，請救救我，早安

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我太太被附身，整個人腫起來

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她臃腫得像狂吃了一堆肉丸

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雙眼凸得像蟾蜍

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還會吐出毒液和黑痰

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而且看到我就罵
彷彿我又在白天喝醉回家

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但我沒有，畢竟還沒到半夜

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我告訴她：“我要去找神父幫忙”

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我真的去了，而神父也願意幫忙處理

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但我必須自願捐一筆錢

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我說：“太過分了！”

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錢又不會從天上掉下來

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先生，拜託你算我便宜一點
我們可以談個好價錢

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除魔費用是多少？

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今天不行，因為我請病假

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情況緊急，請你幫幫忙

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算了吧，老兄

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我還得吃藥

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但我會付錢，多少才夠？500元？

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500元？

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那就這麼辦

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馬辛帶上那個蠢蛋，跟這位先生走

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我會在電話裡指導你該怎麼做

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天啊，有惡魔！

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冷靜點，他很溫馴

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喂？老大

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我們到了，準備要進屋

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你們先把狀況搞清楚

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現在打給我幹嘛？

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你想讓我的電話帳單爆表嗎？

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首先，是我打給你的

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再說，我有通話費吃到飽

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但我還是要付電費

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因為我的手機在充電，再見

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請帶路

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她在樓上

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主臥室裡

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我們上去吧

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你們去，我今天受夠了

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-她甚至對我吐口水
-好，我有個想法

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我會說我是你們的兒子

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但我們沒有孩子

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惡魔不會知道

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如果她真的被附身

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就會相信我是你們的兒子

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達米樂，這是本次的計畫…

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該死

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萊萬多夫斯基…等等
他不是萊萬多夫斯基

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手舉起來！把首飾都給我
不然我就砍了妳兒子

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-他美麗的手作…
-等等，暫停

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我有兒子？

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算了不重要

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首先，你可以砍他

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我很想看

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第二

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滾出去，你這個普通小惡魔！

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這裡是我的地盤

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我附在這女人身上

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只是想舒服的看冠軍聯賽

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不是為了跟你這種蠢蛋聊天

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比賽正在進行

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冠軍聯賽？

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我可以跟妳一起看嗎？

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你膽敢跟我講話？不知道我是誰嗎？

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我真的不知道

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那你看好了，可別嚇暈過去

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-你知道自己多蠢了嗎？
-怎麼回事？

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不關妳的事！

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糟糕

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再見

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…傳球，球出界了！

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喂？

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老大，情況不妙

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我知道，我的酒喝完了

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不，不是那樣

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那位被附身的女士體內

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達米樂說是叫阿內爾的惡魔

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阿內爾！

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我的媽媽咪呀！

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你應該沒有打擾他看球賽吧？

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我沒有，是達米樂

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但他沒有對他做什麼

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幸好

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你們的運氣比腦袋好多了

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雖然差不了多少

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但還好你們沒有直接跟他對戰

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不管怎樣，趕快離開那裡

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只要球賽結束

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最終結果讓他不滿意

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他會把你們碎屍萬段

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阿內爾只能被他永遠的敵人打敗

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克萊西歐

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-最便宜的啤酒？
-帶了

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-尼龍束帶？
-帶了

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-樹枝？
-帶了

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-笛子？
-帶了

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-大便？
-達米樂正在努力

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-現在幾點？
-兩分鐘後就要午夜

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什麼？那快安裝陷阱啊，白痴

156
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等下就來不及了

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遵命！

158
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所以流程是怎樣？

159
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克萊西歐會被咒語和優美的笛音吸引

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在山的最頂端現身

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發現啤酒後，他會衝過去

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半路上採到大便

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然後他會停下來

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用樹枝清理腳上的大便

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這時你就趁機拉緊繩子

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把束帶收緊，我們就抓住他了

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這計劃太完美了

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絕對不會出錯

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天啊，差8秒就12點了

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你快躲起來

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“聽聽這美妙的笛音

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魔鬼惡靈快快現型！”

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是誰在折磨那根笛子？

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我痛恨你吹的旋律

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你死定了

176
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等等，那邊有啤酒耶

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你！

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是不是知道我剛做完戒酒手術？

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你難道想殺了我？

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大哥，我們知道阿內爾的藏身之處！

181
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你在開玩笑吧？

182
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什麼？怎麼回事？現在幾點了？

183
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2點27分，很棒

184
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三分鐘後有比賽重播

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托特納姆熱刺對萊比錫火車頭

186
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我已經知道比數

187
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不過第一次看的不夠仔細

188
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因為我一直跑廁所

189
00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:41,959
現在問題來了

190
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我該冒險去廁所，但可能會錯過開場

191
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還是撐到休息時間再去？

192
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不能按暫停

193
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這樣就會錄不到另一場比賽

194
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等等，這根本不是我的床

195
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我可以尿在床單上

196
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可惡，希望我不會像往常一樣睡著

197
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誰在弄我的窗戶？

198
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什麼鬼？

199
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…我們之間的秘密！

200
00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:10,959
克萊西歐！

201
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等一下，暫停

202
00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:13,001
不，我按錯了！

203
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我的錄影失敗了

204
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我會讓你後悔的！

205
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朝自己的腦袋丟石頭！

206
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你這個白癡想幹嘛？

207
00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,834
他附身在老女人身上！

208
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等等

209
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我要拍下來傳到群組

210
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不准！我不同意！

211
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我可是有肖像權…

212
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等一下

213
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我出不去

214
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出來啊，我在錄影

215
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你會後悔的！

216
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他離開那位女士了，現在正在打架

217
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非常好

218
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如果克萊西歐還清醒

219
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那我們就有機會贏了

220
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這就是問題所在

221
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他不小心沒忍住，把啤酒喝掉了

222
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恐怕會引起戒酒手術的副作用

223
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糟糕，他吐了嗎？

224
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等一下

225
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-他正在吐
-很好，那可能有幫助

226
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我贏了

227
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,793
你這個嘔吐鬼

228
00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:14,168
-這樣值得嗎？
-你確定？

229
00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:15,709
往下看

230
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:19,209
你這個奸詐的壞蛋

231
00:10:19,293 --> 00:10:20,459
你什麼時候插的？

232
00:10:20,543 --> 00:10:23,251
反正我會比你更早死

233
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,793
好吧

234
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,376
小心點就好，我想這不算太糟

235
00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:31,459
拔掉了！

236
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,293
傷口很快就會好

237
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:36,376
好了，回去看下半場吧！

238
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:41,043
勝利的歡呼！

239
00:10:41,126 --> 00:10:42,626
就這樣？結束了？

240
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,876
泰蕾莎，妳回來了嗎？

241
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:45,376
你喝酒了？

242
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:46,918
是她沒錯

243
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,126
好，老大？

244
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:50,043
向你報告，任務完成了

245
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,001
好，回來吧

246
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:54,126
回程路上記得買點藥給我

247
00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:56,834
-從藥局？
-從菸酒行，馬辛

248
00:10:57,334 --> 00:10:59,043
菸酒行

249
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:00,376
（結束）

250
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,459
不到300元就能驅魔

251
00:11:02,543 --> 00:11:05,751
其實只要200元，開發票才會多收錢

252
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,584
小心點，惡魔統領，他將來踹你屁股

253
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,001
小心點，巴特西法，下個目標就是你

254
00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:19,668
字幕翻譯：樓艾苓