A NETFLIX SERIES
BOGDAN BONER LIVED 45 YEARS
RIP LEOKADIA I TEODOR JAJEC
A fresh grave in the cemetery.
It's worth robbing.
TEOFIL KRED - LIVED 59 YEARS BUT LIVED LIFE TO THE FULLEST
Well, I hope I'll finally find my shoe size.
It's a little hard because it's unusual. The left is size 44, and the right is 39.
But if not, even better. We'll sell it with the suit.
Good afternoon.
Just as I thought.
Cmentalizer.
Shi-- I'm out of ammo!
You!
Orbas, why the… I'm sorry to say that… Heck.
Did you bring the dead? We're only supposed to take clothes.
First of all, when are you going to give me the 15 zloty back, Wacek?
How much? I mean, I passed out after a quarter.
But we split the cost of a liter bottle.
-And secondly, he's not dead. -What?
I think he was waiting for me in the coffin to shoot me.
Fortunately, I was the one who shot him.
-With my spade in his face. -I see.
-All right. So what shall we do with him? -Let me think.
Now?
Wait. Everything's going according to plan.
What a fucking awesome plan.
-What genius came up with it? -Me.
But the boss agreed.
I got it!
-Now? -Wait.
That's a good one! Wait, give it to me now.
Buzz off, dig up your own.
Come on, it's hard to find a living one.
Fuck you.
You!
Now you've gone too far.
-Jesus, what are you doing? -I'll kill you.
Now!
Did you hear that? Now!
See? Told you it would work.
I listened to you for the first and last time in my life.
Shit, I look like Domino with these horns.
True that. Except that you're not that handsome.
What now? Free time?
No. Krecia Wolka. Direction, the cemetery.
My word! Cmentalizer again?
Why are you surprised? It's June.
And this year, we've got an exceptional plague of the damn thing.
But there's no need to complain
because we get 200 zloty from each cemetery.
"We get." As if. Damn.
I got my last paycheck before Easter.
Maybe I'll give you a fun little puzzle to cheer you up.
What would you prefer,
lose your grandmother or get syphilis from her?
Or both?
CIPIEGA DANUTA SHE LIVED MODESTLY, BUT WITHOUT COMFORTS
What do we have here?
A woman.
Wait.
What! A gold tooth!
I don't need to take clothes anymore. Excuse me, ma'am.
In the kisser. On the first try.
It will heal in no time.
It was worth spending 50 grosz to watch KSW on an illegal stream.
Goodbye, mademoiselle.
It wasn't me.
Damn it.
Really, boss?
Bozenka, pack your things. Let's fucking go.
Jesus Mary, I killed a man.
What do you mean, "fucking go"? We just rented this apartment.
-And we paid a month's rent in advance. -We'll rent another one.
Or we'll sleep under the bridge, as regular Cmentalizers do.
Hurry up, they'll be here any minute!
Oh no!
We did not spend 1,500 zloty
to camp out under a bridge.
Relax Bozenka, we'll get out of the woods.
Take the appliances.
Let the clyde go alone, and he'll come back,
either with a bruised face or chased.
Who did I marry?
And my mother warned me.
"Just because he drives a decent Opel doesn't mean he's a decent guy."
So now I have it.
Not only did the repo man take the Opel, but I have to continue repaying it.
And Rysio Obornik had been courting me.
Stupid me rejected him for being a womanizer.
How bad can it be if he has as much money as a werewolf has ticks?
Bozenka, all you do is grumble.
Look what I looted.
A gold tooth.
Look at the gold expert
who gave me an engagement ring made of tombac.
-So what? -That's tooth decay.
It's painful!
Jesus, for what sins?
Domino, it's just tear gas. In a few minutes--
Mommy, I don't want to lose my eyesight!
There is so much more porn to watch.
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I haven't seen 2 Girls 1 Cup yet.
Domino, no kidding.
I'm not kidding!
Boss, let's get him to the hospital!
Shut your mouths, you dickheads, and let me think.
Stop, hold it!
People, catch the thieves!
They're stealing stuff from a rented apartment!
Follow me!
Oh Jesus!
Police!
City guards! Whatever, it could even be the IRS.
Oh, it was let illegally.
Help, catch these creeps!
That's what happens when you let an apartment to demons.
When the customer pays,
I don't care who it is as long as they make money for rent.
As long as he doesn't steal things. TV, DVD player!
They even took the toilet seat.
-Where did they go? -No idea.
If I knew, I'd be out there beating the shit out of them.
-Good afternoon. -Oh no.
No more devilshine.
I won't be tempted by money anymore. Unless you pay for two months in advance.
No, I can afford to pay for two minutes tops.
And that's only if my boss gives me money in advance.
USED BURIAL CLOTHING COLLECTION POINT
Wlodek, you're even more stupid than I am. Darn!
Not darn but an urn. It's where you keep the ashes.
-Really? Then give me a line. -Shit, you're really…
Fine. Ten zloty.
That's a bit pricey. Okay, here you go.
Now what? I don't feel anything.
Because you have to wait a bit. Bye.
How did you know they'd be here?
Hello, I am the devil.
I know demons' habits and where the Cmentalizers camp out.
-Are we gonna attack them? -What for?
We only liquidate the ones that they paid us for.
We will wait for them to separate from the group.
Oh, they're back.
Royalty who don't like living under the bridge as God commanded.
Rent condos! Apartments!
Oh, come on, Wladek. Take us for a few nights.
At least give us a cardboard box.
It's gonna cost a lot.
I know. A DVD player?
And a TV.
You moron, what do we need a TV for? Where would you plug it in? The cesspit?
-You have a cesspit? -Of course!
Yeah, a cesspit. We just shit in a hole.
Okay, Bonifacy is right.
You have to pay for luxuries.
-DVD player, TV, and the toilet seat. -Deal!
If you think I'm gonna live like a hobo, you're wrong.
Bozenka, come on, we'll get through this somehow.
How many more days of June? Two weeks?
We'll soon fall into winter sleep. It doesn't matter where.
Fuck, it can be in the cesspit.
-At least the mosquitoes won't bite there. -I'm gonna regret this.
Hello, Czeslaw. Long time no see.
Rysio Obornik.
-Hi, Rysiu. -Oh, Bozenka is here.
My invitation is still open.
Czeslaw, I'm leaving.
I'm gonna kill him. I swear to God, I'll kill him.
And Bożena will regret this. I'll sulk for two fucking weeks.
Do you see what's happening? Such a misfortune.
Guys, have mercy. Can you help take out the son of a bitch?
Damn, Czesio.
That's what friends are for, right?
You add a microwave, and sure, we'll help.
Bożenka-ah-fuck!
-Okay, now open the door and… -Oh no, Rysiek.
I'm not littering. Throw the condom in the ashtray.
Bozenka, are you crazy? What condom? It'll come in handy.
-You get the fuck out. -Bastard! Rotter!
And a bastard!
Three-zero.
All right. That's enough for today.
It's time to grab something to eat.
What's wrong?
I fueled up rich.
The reserve goes out even on the pits sometimes.
If you want to empty the goon,
you need to uncork it first.
-What? -And when you bang someone's wife,
you have to face the consequences.
Czesiu, come on. What kind of "wife banging"?
I didn't even like it. I just did it for fun.
Come on, are you jealous about this hag?
Just look at her.
What do you know about love?
That was beautiful. I got so emotional. I have to say that to Mariolka sometime.
Yeah, Rysio Obornik has the gift of gab.
Just be careful so no one kills you with a pitchfork.
And how are you gonna get a BMW?
There will be a BMW soon.
Or not.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka