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A NETFLIX SERIES
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BOGDAN BONER
LIVED 45 YEARS
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RIP
LEOKADIA I TEODOR JAJEC
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A fresh grave in the cemetery.
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It's worth robbing.
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TEOFIL KRED - LIVED 59 YEARS
BUT LIVED LIFE TO THE FULLEST
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Well, I hope
I'll finally find my shoe size.
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It's a little hard because it's unusual.
The left is size 44, and the right is 39.
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But if not, even better.
We'll sell it with the suit.
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Good afternoon.
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Just as I thought.
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Cmentalizer.
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Shi-- I'm out of ammo!
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You!
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Orbas, why the…
I'm sorry to say that… Heck.
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Did you bring the dead?
We're only supposed to take clothes.
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First of all, when are you going
to give me the 15 zloty back, Wacek?
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How much?
I mean, I passed out after a quarter.
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But we split the cost of a liter bottle.
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-And secondly, he's not dead.
-What?
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I think he was waiting for me
in the coffin to shoot me.
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Fortunately, I was the one who shot him.
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-With my spade in his face.
-I see.
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-All right. So what shall we do with him?
-Let me think.
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Now?
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Wait. Everything's going
according to plan.
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What a fucking awesome plan.
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-What genius came up with it?
-Me.
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But the boss agreed.
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I got it!
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-Now?
-Wait.
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That's a good one!
Wait, give it to me now.
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Buzz off, dig up your own.
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Come on, it's hard to find a living one.
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Fuck you.
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You!
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Now you've gone too far.
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-Jesus, what are you doing?
-I'll kill you.
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Now!
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Did you hear that? Now!
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See? Told you it would work.
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I listened to you
for the first and last time in my life.
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Shit, I look like Domino with these horns.
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True that.
Except that you're not that handsome.
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What now? Free time?
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No. Krecia Wolka. Direction, the cemetery.
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My word! Cmentalizer again?
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Why are you surprised? It's June.
49
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And this year, we've got
an exceptional plague of the damn thing.
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But there's no need to complain
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because we get 200 zloty
from each cemetery.
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"We get." As if. Damn.
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I got my last paycheck before Easter.
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Maybe I'll give you
a fun little puzzle to cheer you up.
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What would you prefer,
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lose your grandmother
or get syphilis from her?
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Or both?
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CIPIEGA DANUTA
SHE LIVED MODESTLY, BUT WITHOUT COMFORTS
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What do we have here?
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A woman.
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Wait.
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What! A gold tooth!
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I don't need to take clothes anymore.
Excuse me, ma'am.
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In the kisser. On the first try.
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It will heal in no time.
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It was worth spending 50 grosz
to watch KSW on an illegal stream.
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Goodbye, mademoiselle.
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It wasn't me.
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Damn it.
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Really, boss?
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Bozenka, pack your things.
Let's fucking go.
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Jesus Mary, I killed a man.
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What do you mean, "fucking go"?
We just rented this apartment.
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-And we paid a month's rent in advance.
-We'll rent another one.
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Or we'll sleep under the bridge,
as regular Cmentalizers do.
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Hurry up, they'll be here any minute!
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Oh no!
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We did not spend 1,500 zloty
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to camp out under a bridge.
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Relax Bozenka, we'll get out of the woods.
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Take the appliances.
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Let the clyde go alone,
and he'll come back,
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either with a bruised face or chased.
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Who did I marry?
85
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And my mother warned me.
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"Just because he drives a decent Opel
doesn't mean he's a decent guy."
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So now I have it.
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Not only did the repo man take the Opel,
but I have to continue repaying it.
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And Rysio Obornik had been courting me.
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Stupid me rejected him
for being a womanizer.
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How bad can it be if he has
as much money as a werewolf has ticks?
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Bozenka, all you do is grumble.
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Look what I looted.
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A gold tooth.
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Look at the gold expert
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who gave me
an engagement ring made of tombac.
97
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-So what?
-That's tooth decay.
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It's painful!
99
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Jesus, for what sins?
100
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Domino, it's just tear gas.
In a few minutes--
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Mommy, I don't want to lose my eyesight!
102
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There is so much more porn to watch.
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I'm ashamed to admit it,
but I haven't seen 2 Girls 1 Cup yet.
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Domino, no kidding.
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I'm not kidding!
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Boss, let's get him to the hospital!
107
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Shut your mouths,
you dickheads, and let me think.
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Stop, hold it!
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People, catch the thieves!
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They're stealing stuff
from a rented apartment!
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Follow me!
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Oh Jesus!
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Police!
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City guards!
Whatever, it could even be the IRS.
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Oh, it was let illegally.
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Help, catch these creeps!
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That's what happens
when you let an apartment to demons.
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When the customer pays,
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I don't care who it is
as long as they make money for rent.
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As long as he doesn't steal things.
TV, DVD player!
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They even took the toilet seat.
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-Where did they go?
-No idea.
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If I knew, I'd be out there
beating the shit out of them.
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-Good afternoon.
-Oh no.
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No more devilshine.
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I won't be tempted by money anymore.
Unless you pay for two months in advance.
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No, I can afford
to pay for two minutes tops.
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And that's only if my boss
gives me money in advance.
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USED BURIAL CLOTHING
COLLECTION POINT
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Wlodek, you're even more stupid
than I am. Darn!
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Not darn but an urn.
It's where you keep the ashes.
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-Really? Then give me a line.
-Shit, you're really…
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Fine. Ten zloty.
134
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That's a bit pricey. Okay, here you go.
135
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Now what? I don't feel anything.
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Because you have to wait a bit. Bye.
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How did you know they'd be here?
138
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Hello, I am the devil.
139
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I know demons' habits
and where the Cmentalizers camp out.
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-Are we gonna attack them?
-What for?
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We only liquidate the ones
that they paid us for.
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We will wait for them
to separate from the group.
143
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Oh, they're back.
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Royalty who don't like
living under the bridge as God commanded.
145
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Rent condos! Apartments!
146
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Oh, come on, Wladek.
Take us for a few nights.
147
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At least give us a cardboard box.
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It's gonna cost a lot.
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I know. A DVD player?
150
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And a TV.
151
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You moron, what do we need a TV for?
Where would you plug it in? The cesspit?
152
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-You have a cesspit?
-Of course!
153
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Yeah, a cesspit. We just shit in a hole.
154
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Okay, Bonifacy is right.
155
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You have to pay for luxuries.
156
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-DVD player, TV, and the toilet seat.
-Deal!
157
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If you think I'm gonna live
like a hobo, you're wrong.
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Bozenka, come on,
we'll get through this somehow.
159
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How many more days of June? Two weeks?
160
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We'll soon fall into winter sleep.
It doesn't matter where.
161
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Fuck, it can be in the cesspit.
162
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-At least the mosquitoes won't bite there.
-I'm gonna regret this.
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Hello, Czeslaw. Long time no see.
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Rysio Obornik.
165
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-Hi, Rysiu.
-Oh, Bozenka is here.
166
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My invitation is still open.
167
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,168
Czeslaw, I'm leaving.
168
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I'm gonna kill him.
I swear to God, I'll kill him.
169
00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:41,584
And Bożena will regret this.
I'll sulk for two fucking weeks.
170
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Do you see what's happening?
Such a misfortune.
171
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Guys, have mercy.
Can you help take out the son of a bitch?
172
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Damn, Czesio.
173
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That's what friends are for, right?
174
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You add a microwave, and sure, we'll help.
175
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Bożenka-ah-fuck!
176
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-Okay, now open the door and…
-Oh no, Rysiek.
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00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:08,376
I'm not littering.
Throw the condom in the ashtray.
178
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Bozenka, are you crazy?
What condom? It'll come in handy.
179
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-You get the fuck out.
-Bastard! Rotter!
180
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And a bastard!
181
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Three-zero.
182
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All right. That's enough for today.
183
00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:25,668
It's time to grab something to eat.
184
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:31,793
What's wrong?
185
00:10:31,876 --> 00:10:33,751
I fueled up rich.
186
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,251
The reserve goes out
even on the pits sometimes.
187
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If you want to empty the goon,
188
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you need to uncork it first.
189
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-What?
-And when you bang someone's wife,
190
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you have to face the consequences.
191
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Czesiu, come on.
What kind of "wife banging"?
192
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I didn't even like it.
I just did it for fun.
193
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Come on, are you jealous about this hag?
194
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Just look at her.
195
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What do you know about love?
196
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:07,459
That was beautiful. I got so emotional.
I have to say that to Mariolka sometime.
197
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Yeah, Rysio Obornik has the gift of gab.
198
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:12,709
Just be careful so no one
kills you with a pitchfork.
199
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,459
And how are you gonna get a BMW?
200
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,293
There will be a BMW soon.
201
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,626
Or not.
202
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THE END
203
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Exorcist for less than 300
204
00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:30,834
Actually, it's 200
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
205
00:11:30,918 --> 00:11:33,709
Watch it, Belzedup
You're gonna get your ass kicked
206
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:37,126
Watch it, Dupcyper
He's aiming at you
207
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:45,376
Subtitle translation by:
Agnieszka Czarnecka