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NETFLIX 影集

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（波格登勃納，享年45歲）

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劇名：公墓瘟疫

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（里奧卡迪賈耶克之墓）

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墓園裡有個新墳墓

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值得挖開來看看

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（史特凡莫尼克，享年99歲）

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（泰歐飛凱特，享年59歲）

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希望我能找到合腳的鞋子

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這不容易，因為我比較特別

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左腳是44號，右腳是39號

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不過不合腳也無所謂

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可以跟西裝湊一整套賣

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晚安

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跟我猜的一樣

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公墓盜賊

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靠，彈藥沒了

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你這傢伙！

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歐巴斯，你搞什麼鬼…

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抱歉我們也是鬼，你在幹嘛？

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你幹嘛把屍體帶回來？

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我們只能拿衣服！

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首先，瓦切克

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你何時要把欠我的15元還來？

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多少錢？我才喝四分之一就倒了

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但我們合買的是一公升裝！

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-第二，他還沒死
-什麼？

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他原本埋伏在棺材中，打算射殺我

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幸好最後是我讓他受傷

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我用鏟子把他打昏了

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原來如此

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好吧，那該怎麼處置他？

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讓我想想

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現在？

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等等，一切都在計畫之中

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聽起來是很厲害的計劃

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是哪個天才的想法？

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我

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不過老大也同意

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讓我來！

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-現在？
-再等等

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打得好，等等，現在輪到我了

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少來，你自己去挖一個來玩

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拜託，活的很難找耶

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去你的

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你這傢伙！

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你越線了！

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-天啊，你在幹嘛？
-我要殺了你

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就是現在！

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你聽到了嗎？就是現在！

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看吧！我就說會成功

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這是我這輩子首次

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也是最後一次聽取你的意見

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該死，這些角讓我看起來像達米樂

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沒錯

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只是你沒那麼帥

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現在呢？放風？

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不，直直往前開

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我們要去墓園

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天啊，還要抓公墓盜賊？

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幹嘛驚訝？現在可是六月

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今年這場瘟疫的範圍甚至超出預期

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不過沒必要抱怨

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每個墓園都會付給我們200元

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“付給我們”，最好是

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我上次領薪水是在復活節前

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不如我說個有趣的猜謎來活絡氣氛

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你們比較希望

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自己的外婆掛掉

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還是被她傳染梅毒？

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以上皆是？

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（西佩嘉達努塔之墓）

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（她的一生很正直卻不舒適）

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讓我看看，這裡有什麼？

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是位女性

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等等

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運氣真好，有顆金牙！

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我不需要拿妳的衣服了

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真是抱歉，女士

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瞄準嘴巴，一拳擊中！

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傷口很快就會癒合的

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沒想到我花了0.5元

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在網路上看盜版拳擊直播還挺值得

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女士，永別了

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人可不是我殺的

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糟糕

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老大，你又沒彈藥了？

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波岑卡收拾行李，我們必須離開

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我的天啊，我殺了一個人

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為什麼我們必須離開？

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我們才剛租下這間公寓

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甚至預付了一個月房租

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我們可以再租一間

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不然也可以像其他
公墓盜賊一樣睡在橋下

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快點，他們隨時會追來！

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我才不要！

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我們花了1500元

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可不是為了去橋下露宿

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波岑卡冷靜點，我們總會突破困境

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把電器帶走

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讓這笨蛋一個人出門

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不是帶回一身傷就是被追殺

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我到底嫁給了誰？

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我母親曾警告過我

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“就算男人開好車

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也不代表他是好男人”

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現在我體會到了

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最慘的是車子被扣押後

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我還得繼續幫忙還貸款

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本來雷西歐一直在追我

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我太愚蠢，居然只因為他花心就拒絕

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如果他超級有錢，又有何不可？

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波岑卡，別一直抱怨

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妳看我找到什麼

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一顆金牙

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你還真是位黃金專家

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你忘記自己買到假的訂婚戒指了嗎？

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-所以呢？
-那是顆蛀牙

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痛死我啦！

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天啊，我究竟犯了什麼罪？

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達米樂，這是催淚彈

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只要過幾分鐘…

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媽，我還不想瞎掉！

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我還有很多A片沒看

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雖然不想承認

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但我還沒看過《兩女一杯》

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你別開玩笑

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我是認真的！

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天啊，老大

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我們必須送他去醫院！

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蠢蛋們閉嘴，讓我思考一下

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站住，別動！

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拜託大家幫忙抓小偷！

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有租客偷了公寓裡的東西！

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跟我來！

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我的老天爺！

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警察！

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或是警衛，誰來都好，國稅局也罷

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沒錯，我就是違法出租

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幫幫忙，抓住那些小偷！

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誰叫你要把公寓租給惡魔？

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只要租客付錢

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我才不管他們的身份

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況且他可以靠盜墓賺錢

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只要他不偷東西

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但他們把電視、DVD播放器

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居然連馬桶蓋都一起搬走了

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-他們跑去哪裡了？
-我不知道

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如果知道，我已經衝過去揍人了

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-晚安
-天啊

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我不想再看到魔鬼

152
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我不會第四次被金錢誘惑

153
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除非你預付兩個月房租

154
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不，我應該只租得起兩分鐘

155
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還要我老闆願意預先支付薪水

156
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（二手喪服蒐集站）

157
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弗拉德，你智商好像比我低

158
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幹嘛拿著夜壺出門？

159
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這不是夜壺，是裝先人粉末的容器

160
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真的嗎？那給我來一點

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可惡，你真是…

162
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好吧，十元

163
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有點貴耶

164
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好吧，錢給你

165
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然後呢？

166
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我什麼感覺都沒有

167
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因為你得等一下，再見

168
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你怎麼知道他們會在這裡？

169
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因為我是隻惡魔

170
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我知道惡魔的習性跟公墓盜賊的據點

171
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-那我們要發動攻擊嗎？
-為什麼？

172
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只要處理能換錢的那幾隻就好

173
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我們可以等到他們落單

174
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哇，他們回來了

175
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寧願違反上帝指令

176
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也不願意住在橋下的貴族們

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我要租房子！租公寓！

178
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弗萊德拜託，讓我們借住幾個晚上

179
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給我們一個紙箱也好

180
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那可要付出代價

181
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好啦，DVD播放器？

182
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加上一台電視

183
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你這個白痴，我們要電視幹嘛？

184
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電線要插哪裡？糞坑裡？

185
00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:46,209
-這裡有糞坑嗎？
-那當然！

186
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對，有糞坑！我們都在同個洞裡拉屎

187
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好吧，博尼菲西說的沒錯

188
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你得為奢侈付出代價

189
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給我DVD播放器、電視

190
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-還有馬桶蓋
-成交！

191
00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:59,251
如果你以為我會過
流浪漢般的生活，那就錯了

192
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波岑卡拜託，我們可以度過這個難關

193
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,834
六月沒剩多久了，大概兩個禮拜？

194
00:09:04,918 --> 00:09:06,709
然後我們就會進入冬眠期

195
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住哪裡都無所謂的

196
00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:09,834
大不了就睡在糞坑裡

197
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:11,709
至少蚊子不會靠近那裡

198
00:09:12,293 --> 00:09:13,959
我一定會後悔的

199
00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:17,959
哈囉，切斯洛好久不見

200
00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:20,293
雷西歐

201
00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:22,834
-你好啊，雷西歐
-波岑卡也在這

202
00:09:22,918 --> 00:09:24,209
我的提議還算數喔！

203
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切斯洛

204
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我先走了

205
00:09:33,543 --> 00:09:34,793
我要殺了他

206
00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:37,126
我發誓我會殺了他！

207
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,126
波岑卡絕對會後悔

208
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我要兩週不跟她說話

209
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你們有看到嗎？太觸霉頭了

210
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兄弟們幫幫忙

211
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可以幫我修理那個混蛋嗎？

212
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:48,376
天啊，切斯洛

213
00:09:48,459 --> 00:09:50,584
朋友就該兩肋插刀，對吧？

214
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只要你加碼微波爐，我們一定幫忙

215
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波岑卡，媽媽咪呀！

216
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好，現在可以開門了…

217
00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,251
不，雷西歐

218
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:06,668
我不喜歡亂丟垃圾

219
00:10:06,751 --> 00:10:08,293
把保險套丟進煙灰缸就好

220
00:10:08,376 --> 00:10:09,793
波岑卡，妳瘋了嗎？

221
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,209
什麼保險套？那可得省著用

222
00:10:12,293 --> 00:10:13,501
妳快滾出去吧

223
00:10:13,584 --> 00:10:15,626
混蛋！不要臉的傢伙！

224
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大混蛋！

225
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:21,501
三比零

226
00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:23,459
好，今天到此為止

227
00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:25,459
我該去吃點東西了

228
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:31,376
怎麼了？

229
00:10:31,876 --> 00:10:33,751
我明明剛加過油

230
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,251
看來光是油燈不亮也無法撐太久

231
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:39,459
如果你想品嘗美酒

232
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:42,793
就得先設法打開瓶蓋

233
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:46,126
-什麼？
-如果你想染指別人老婆

234
00:10:46,209 --> 00:10:48,126
就得承擔後果

235
00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:51,293
切斯洛別鬧了，那哪算“染指”？

236
00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:54,584
我也沒享受到，只是為了打發時間

237
00:10:54,668 --> 00:10:57,084
拜託，你為了這種貨色在吃醋嗎？

238
00:10:57,168 --> 00:10:58,709
你看看她的長相

239
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:01,209
你懂什麼叫愛情嗎？

240
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,293
天啊，太淒美了

241
00:11:04,376 --> 00:11:05,543
我超感動

242
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:07,459
我改天也要說給瑪莉歐拉聽

243
00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:09,751
對啊，雷西歐太會說話了

244
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:12,668
但你要小心，別被哪個人用草叉殺了

245
00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:14,459
不過你要如何得到BMW？

246
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,376
很快就會有了

247
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,626
又沒了

248
00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:25,543
（結束）

249
00:11:25,626 --> 00:11:27,584
不到300元就能驅魔

250
00:11:27,668 --> 00:11:30,834
其實只要200元，開發票才會多收錢

251
00:11:30,918 --> 00:11:33,709
小心點，惡魔統領，他將來踹你屁股

252
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,959
小心點，巴特西法，下個目標就是你

253
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:44,876
字幕翻譯：樓艾苓