1 00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376 A NETFLIX SERIES 2 00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:20,209 Potatoes! 3 00:00:22,209 --> 00:00:24,793 Potatoes! 4 00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:28,584 Spuds! 5 00:00:32,168 --> 00:00:33,459 Mom, hurry up. 6 00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,793 I'm putting it on. Move away from the door. 7 00:00:35,876 --> 00:00:36,793 Don't tease him. 8 00:00:36,876 --> 00:00:39,043 Tub… 9 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,459 give me the tubers! 10 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:44,626 Mom. 11 00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:45,668 I'm bringing it. 12 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:50,334 Open. 13 00:00:53,459 --> 00:00:54,334 FUCKING TUBER 14 00:00:54,418 --> 00:00:56,459 Tadziu. Pyry with dill. 15 00:00:56,543 --> 00:01:00,376 Pyry is between Ursynow and Piaseczno. 16 00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:02,043 Potatoes with dill. 17 00:01:02,126 --> 00:01:03,293 Dill is gross. 18 00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:04,959 I'm not a dillophile. 19 00:01:05,043 --> 00:01:07,376 But I tried so hard. What do I do with it? 20 00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:08,709 Throw it the fuck away. 21 00:01:13,168 --> 00:01:15,376 -Here you go. -Give me that! 22 00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:20,334 Not enough! 23 00:01:20,418 --> 00:01:22,376 I gave you everything. There's no more. 24 00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,043 You ate it! 25 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,959 I just tasted it to see if it was salty enough. 26 00:01:31,418 --> 00:01:33,043 Tadek, no! 27 00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:45,584 I want potato dumplings. 28 00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:46,876 When will they be ready? 29 00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:48,501 -Rock! -Scissors! 30 00:01:48,584 --> 00:01:49,418 Fu… Okay. 31 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,084 One, two, three! 32 00:01:51,168 --> 00:01:52,209 -Rock! -Scissors! 33 00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:53,543 Damn, what's wrong? 34 00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:54,584 One more time. 35 00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,334 -One, two, three, scissors! -Rock! 36 00:01:56,418 --> 00:01:57,626 Damn it. 37 00:01:57,709 --> 00:01:59,501 -Have you had enough? -Oh no. 38 00:01:59,584 --> 00:02:01,918 Domino is never a giver-upper. 39 00:02:02,001 --> 00:02:03,709 He's just poor. 40 00:02:03,793 --> 00:02:05,751 -One, two, three, scissors! -Rock! 41 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:06,834 You're cheating! 42 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:10,293 You're the one playing like a loser. You do scissors all the time. 43 00:02:10,376 --> 00:02:13,793 If you play the same numbers over and over again in lotto, 44 00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:16,293 you'll eventually win. The same is true here. 45 00:02:16,376 --> 00:02:18,543 -One, two, three, scissors! -Rock! 46 00:02:19,043 --> 00:02:21,709 What's all this slacking off? What am I paying you for? 47 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,001 For nothing. 48 00:02:23,084 --> 00:02:25,043 That reminds me, about the salary… 49 00:02:25,126 --> 00:02:28,418 What, are we playing paper scissors? So, one, two… 50 00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:31,793 Can't believe it, a client! Domino, quick, to the toilet. 51 00:02:31,876 --> 00:02:34,001 They might get scared of your horned face. 52 00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:37,959 Shit, I knew that someone would knock as soon as the boss stunk up the toilet. 53 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:40,376 Hello? May I? 54 00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,793 You should. Renovation or possession? 55 00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:44,543 I guess it's the latter. 56 00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:46,459 They won't let you earn. 57 00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:49,209 But anyway, sit down and tell me what's going on. 58 00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:53,459 Okay, the cops said it was an accident 'cause they don't believe in superstition. 59 00:02:53,543 --> 00:02:56,293 Man, for 200 zloty, I can believe anything. 60 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,126 Unless you want an invoice. Then it'll cost more to believe. 61 00:02:59,209 --> 00:03:01,043 No need for an invoice. 62 00:03:01,126 --> 00:03:02,459 So from the beginning. 63 00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,543 My father wasn't always like that. 64 00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:06,168 Just a few years ago, 65 00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:09,959 he looked and thought like most men his age. 66 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:12,251 Wait here for Dad. 67 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,126 BABY HATCH 68 00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:16,001 Just an ordinary dad. 69 00:03:18,293 --> 00:03:20,626 My father always liked potatoes. 70 00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:21,543 That's… 71 00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:23,459 In any form. 72 00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:28,709 Mashed, wedges, slices, puree, fries, potato dumplings, hash browns. 73 00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:30,959 Keep it short 'cause I'm getting hungry. 74 00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,126 Okay, to the point. 75 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:34,793 At first, no one paid any attention to it. 76 00:03:34,876 --> 00:03:36,626 -Thank you. -"Thank you"? 77 00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:40,793 You take one bite and say "thank you"? You've been eating crappy takeout again. 78 00:03:40,876 --> 00:03:42,584 I'm just full. 79 00:03:42,668 --> 00:03:44,459 Besides, kebab is not crap. 80 00:03:44,543 --> 00:03:46,709 Finish the chop. You can leave the potatoes. 81 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,209 Teresa! Don't blaspheme. 82 00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:53,376 We're not gonna throw the potatoes away. Pass it to me if he doesn't want them. 83 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:54,626 Mom, I'm also full. 84 00:03:55,793 --> 00:04:00,084 Over time, my father's potato obsession began to fester. 85 00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:02,418 Every meal had to include them. 86 00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:05,876 For breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even for dessert, 87 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:08,876 he demanded to be served potatoes. 88 00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:11,876 Even worse, my father began to change. 89 00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:15,793 He gained a lot of weight, and his skin darkened. 90 00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:17,959 At the end of August, he got fired 91 00:04:18,043 --> 00:04:21,126 because he threw himself at the manager in the cafeteria, 92 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:24,043 who allegedly had more potato dumplings on his plate. 93 00:04:24,126 --> 00:04:28,376 Since then, he started to spend all his free time 94 00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:30,793 in front of the TV, 95 00:04:30,876 --> 00:04:34,126 consuming increasing amounts of tubers. 96 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,376 We were afraid of him. 97 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:37,293 Oh, how we were afraid. 98 00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:39,626 The old man said to make supplies, 99 00:04:39,709 --> 00:04:40,793 and he gobbled. 100 00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:43,376 Once, I came home to find 101 00:04:43,459 --> 00:04:45,793 my brother lying next to his armchair. 102 00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:47,209 He was dead. 103 00:04:47,293 --> 00:04:50,251 And the bastard was sitting quietly in his armchair 104 00:04:50,334 --> 00:04:53,126 watching a quiz show. 105 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,168 Mr. Piotr, what movie, according to the IMDb ranking, 106 00:04:56,251 --> 00:04:58,209 was the worst movie in the world? 107 00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:00,459 -Katyn. -Close enough. 108 00:05:00,543 --> 00:05:03,376 The police said my brother choked on a potato 109 00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:05,626 and deemed it an unfortunate accident. 110 00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:07,209 A few months passed. 111 00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:10,959 Over time, I accepted it. But yesterday, 112 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,959 he did it again. 113 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:15,293 This time, he killed my mother. 114 00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:17,543 I told the cop that the old man's possessed. 115 00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:20,626 He laughed that I believe in superstition and wrote… 116 00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:22,793 "Unfortunate accident." 117 00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:25,126 The exorcist is my last hope. 118 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,709 I'd go to a priest, but I don't shit money. 119 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,251 You did the right thing coming to us with this. 120 00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:35,251 But be warned that if your old man has turned into what I think he did, 121 00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:37,793 woe to all of us. 122 00:05:44,793 --> 00:05:45,959 We're here. 123 00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,209 It's this tenement. 124 00:05:47,293 --> 00:05:50,459 Marcinek, take toilet paper with you in case you get too scared. 125 00:05:50,543 --> 00:05:52,126 And you, lead us to your home. 126 00:05:54,084 --> 00:05:56,543 Is that really all that you have to offer? 127 00:05:56,626 --> 00:05:58,501 What did you expect for 200? 128 00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:01,043 Anyway, if it turns out I'm right, 129 00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:03,543 even the toilet paper won't help. 130 00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:04,959 Follow me. You go ahead. 131 00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:08,793 -Boss, doesn't this seem a little strange? -What? 132 00:06:08,876 --> 00:06:12,709 If you put crap on somebody's hand, nothing's gonna happen. 133 00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:15,626 But if you take a crap on somebody's hand, 134 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,126 it's a big deal. 135 00:06:19,584 --> 00:06:20,418 This door. 136 00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:22,793 Why are you standing like swine on a platform? 137 00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:25,709 -It's not Gdynia. Get inside. -Oh no. 138 00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,251 I'm not going in there. 139 00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:29,793 This thing is no longer my father. 140 00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:33,626 This thing is no longer a human. 141 00:06:33,709 --> 00:06:35,043 A molly. 142 00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:38,834 So, what does he want? 143 00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,543 Everything looks normal at first glance. 144 00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:44,168 Like after a traditional Polish house party. 145 00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:47,459 He should've seen my crib after my 18th birthday. 146 00:06:47,543 --> 00:06:49,459 I feel like it will be an easy case. 147 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,334 Quiet, Marcinek. Just because the apartment's neat 148 00:06:52,418 --> 00:06:55,126 doesn't mean it's okay. Hello, Mr. Host! 149 00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:56,793 Guests are here! 150 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,334 Let's check the room. 151 00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:02,334 He's sleeping. 152 00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:05,543 -Or he died. -Or he's lurking like a toad. 153 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,543 Be careful. Don't get too close. 154 00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,876 Have you ever seen anything like this? 155 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:13,334 I have. The other day after the kebab's special offer. 156 00:07:13,418 --> 00:07:15,376 But mine didn't have sprouts. 157 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,959 Cool, he's not even breathing. 158 00:07:20,543 --> 00:07:23,793 Fries! Toss them, or I'll kill you. 159 00:07:24,418 --> 00:07:26,043 I can't do that on cue. 160 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:30,043 You! 161 00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:35,334 Marcinek, retreat! 162 00:07:37,876 --> 00:07:40,293 It's worse than I thought. 163 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:43,418 -How's that? -Not bad, but I thought it'd be great. 164 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,709 Unfortunately, I don't have any good news. 165 00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:48,793 Your father is a vampuree. 166 00:07:48,876 --> 00:07:49,959 How so, a vampire? 167 00:07:50,043 --> 00:07:52,876 Not a vampire but a vampuree. 168 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:56,543 Much more dangerous than a normal vampire because instead of blood, 169 00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:59,043 he craves potato starch. 170 00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,959 And he's willing to kill for it. 171 00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:04,834 Worst of all, he's nearly immortal. 172 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,626 A gunshot will only make him laugh. 173 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:09,626 And then, he'll murder just for fun. 174 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:13,084 Therefore, God forbid, we can't call the police 175 00:08:13,168 --> 00:08:14,626 because he would kill them. 176 00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:18,918 To beat him, we have to keep fattening him up with potatoes. 177 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:21,876 -Boss, are you crazy? -Trust me, Marcinek. 178 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,793 That's the only way. 179 00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:29,459 -How was it? -He's eating. 180 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,126 He's eating like a pig. 181 00:08:31,209 --> 00:08:35,293 That's not surprising. After all, we ply him with steamed potatoes for pigs. 182 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:37,334 Dozens of kilos. 183 00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:39,584 I hope it'll take him a while. 184 00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:41,209 Where's that moron Domino? 185 00:08:41,293 --> 00:08:43,959 If he fails, we're gonna waste two pots of potatoes. 186 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:44,959 Who's Domino? 187 00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:46,543 Hello? 188 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,251 What? Wait. Slowly. 189 00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:51,084 How come? 190 00:08:52,459 --> 00:08:53,293 Peace out. 191 00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:57,126 If you want to say he's not coming, you better shut the fuck up. 192 00:08:58,251 --> 00:08:59,084 So what? 193 00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:01,293 -I was supposed to shut up. -Shi… 194 00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:04,001 He's not coming here, but he's outside the building. 195 00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,626 He was arrested by the police. 196 00:09:05,709 --> 00:09:08,043 The moron's out in town without a disguise again. 197 00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:09,959 No wonder they arrested him. 198 00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:12,418 Weird ID. 199 00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:15,459 Have you seen it, Mariusz? It must be a new one. Or old one. 200 00:09:15,543 --> 00:09:16,376 Damn, a devil. 201 00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:19,043 Gentlemen, hold on. I'll explain everything. 202 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,001 Don't disturb him. He's writing and can't make a mistake 203 00:09:22,084 --> 00:09:23,543 because we only have one pad. 204 00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:25,293 -But I just… -Wait! 205 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,709 It smells good. 206 00:09:29,793 --> 00:09:31,918 That's the kind of dinner I understand, 207 00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:35,084 not those awful pizzas the youngsters eat nowadays. 208 00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:41,126 It's coming from here. 209 00:09:41,209 --> 00:09:44,126 I'll knock and say that I need to borrow some sugar. 210 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,543 Maybe they'll invite me. 211 00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:49,459 It has begun. 212 00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:51,959 Let go of Domino, or we'll all die! 213 00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:55,126 I made a mistake because he's yapping in my ear. 214 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:57,251 See what you've done? ID! 215 00:09:57,334 --> 00:09:59,376 Wait. We don't have more pads, right? 216 00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:01,126 Potatoes! 217 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:04,543 That one! Sir, keep it down. It's after ten o'clock. 218 00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:08,668 Oh shit. Hands up, pants down, money on the table! 219 00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,626 Crap, I always say the nursery rhyme. 220 00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:11,876 Just hands up! 221 00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:16,959 Potatoes! 222 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,626 He's heading downtown. 223 00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:20,293 Fuck this! 224 00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:23,001 You! Stop, or I'll use the gun! 225 00:10:23,084 --> 00:10:25,543 And since I shoot poorly, we'll all die! 226 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,376 There may even be soup. 227 00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:29,459 Potato soup. 228 00:10:29,543 --> 00:10:32,959 How about a swarm of potato beetles? 229 00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,626 Dad, no! 230 00:10:38,709 --> 00:10:40,709 No, wait. That's good. 231 00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:43,543 He's not my old man anymore. 232 00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:49,793 It worked. 233 00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:52,043 And who's on top now? 234 00:10:52,126 --> 00:10:54,251 Definitely not you. We got you! 235 00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:56,126 -That… -Gentlemen, let him go. 236 00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:59,543 Yes, he's a devil, but he's harmless. He's tamed. 237 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,793 What devil? We're city-bred and don't believe in superstition. 238 00:11:02,876 --> 00:11:04,584 He rode his bike through a red light. 239 00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,251 Pay us the 200 zloty fine, and we're gone. 240 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,793 We can issue a ticket, but it'll be more expensive. It's not worth it. 241 00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,459 THE END 242 00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:15,459 Exorcist for less than 300 243 00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:18,793 Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more 244 00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:21,501 Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked 245 00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:25,043 Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you 246 00:11:30,751 --> 00:11:33,293 Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka