1 00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376 A NETFLIX SERIES 2 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,959 Taters! 3 00:00:22,209 --> 00:00:24,793 Potatoes! 4 00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:28,376 Potatoes! 5 00:00:32,168 --> 00:00:33,459 Mom, could you hurry up, please? 6 00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,793 I'm getting it. Move away from the door. 7 00:00:35,876 --> 00:00:36,793 Don't tease him. 8 00:00:36,876 --> 00:00:41,251 Yum, yum, yum, yum… Gimme yams! 9 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:44,626 Mother. 10 00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:45,668 I'm getting it. 11 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,293 Open. 12 00:00:53,459 --> 00:00:54,334 FUCKING TUBER 13 00:00:54,418 --> 00:00:56,459 Tadziu. Spuds with dill leaves on them. 14 00:00:56,543 --> 00:00:57,959 Spuds, you say? 15 00:00:58,043 --> 00:01:00,376 Spuds are for fucking duds, Teresa. 16 00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:02,043 Uh, I mean potatoes with dill. 17 00:01:02,126 --> 00:01:04,959 Dill is gross. I'm not some fucking dillhole. 18 00:01:05,043 --> 00:01:07,376 But I tried so hard. What should I do with the dill? 19 00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:09,501 Throw it the fuck away. 20 00:01:13,168 --> 00:01:15,001 -Here you go. -Give me that! 21 00:01:19,126 --> 00:01:20,168 Not enough! 22 00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:22,501 I gave you the entire pot. I haven't had time to cook more. 23 00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:23,751 You ate them! 24 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:26,959 I just had to taste once piece to check how salty it was. 25 00:01:31,293 --> 00:01:33,626 No, Tadziu! 26 00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:45,584 I want potato dumplings now. 27 00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:46,876 When will they be ready? 28 00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:48,501 -Rock! -Scissors! 29 00:01:48,584 --> 00:01:50,876 Fu-- Okay. Ready. Three, two-- 30 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:52,459 -Rock! -Scissors! Yeh! 31 00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:53,543 Damn, what's wrong? 32 00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:54,626 Okay, one more time. 33 00:01:54,709 --> 00:01:56,376 -Three, two, one, scissors! -I choose rock! 34 00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:57,501 God fucking dammit. 35 00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,501 -Had enough, Domino? -No way! 36 00:01:59,584 --> 00:02:01,918 Domino is the kind of demon that never ever gives up. 37 00:02:02,001 --> 00:02:03,876 The only thing I lose is cash money anyway. 38 00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:05,751 -Three, two, one, scissors! -I choose rock! 39 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:06,834 You keep on cheating! 40 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,626 You are the one playing like a fucking loser. 41 00:02:08,709 --> 00:02:10,293 You've picked scissors every game. 42 00:02:10,376 --> 00:02:13,793 Yeah, well, if you keep playing the same lottery numbers over and over again, 43 00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:15,209 you will eventually win. 44 00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:16,293 It's the same idea. 45 00:02:16,376 --> 00:02:18,459 -Again. Three, two, one, scissors! -I choose rock! 46 00:02:18,543 --> 00:02:20,584 What is all this slacking off you two are doing? 47 00:02:20,668 --> 00:02:23,168 -What am I paying you for? -Me? You're not paying me for anything. 48 00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:24,959 I need to talk to you about my salary… 49 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:26,584 Hey, how about some rock-paper-scissors? 50 00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,668 Okay, ready? Three, and two-- 51 00:02:29,251 --> 00:02:32,209 No way! A customer! Domino, quickly, get in the bathroom. 52 00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:34,001 I don't want your horns to scare them away. 53 00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:35,626 Shit, I knew that someone would knock 54 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,709 as soon as the boss finished stinking up the toilet. 55 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:40,376 Hello? May I come in? 56 00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,793 If you must. Is this for a renovation or help with a possession? 57 00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:44,543 Um, well, I guess it's the latter. 58 00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:46,376 It's never the nice big bucks. 59 00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:49,209 Whatever. Sit down, young man, and tell me, what you got going on? 60 00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:51,209 Okay. First, the cops said that it was an accident 61 00:02:51,293 --> 00:02:53,459 because they don't believe in superstitions or fantasies. 62 00:02:53,543 --> 00:02:56,293 Come on, for two hundred zloty, I can believe anything you say. 63 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,126 Uh, unless you want an invoice. Then belief costs a little bit more. 64 00:02:59,209 --> 00:03:00,959 Nah. There is no need for an invoice. 65 00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:02,459 I'll just start from the beginning. 66 00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,543 My father was normal and not always like this. 67 00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:07,543 So, yeah, it was just a few years ago when he looked like a real dad 68 00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:09,959 and acted just like all the other typical dads out there. 69 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:12,209 So, you two wait here for Daddy, okay? 70 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,126 BABY HATCH 71 00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:17,209 Just a regular old father. 72 00:03:18,293 --> 00:03:20,626 My father always liked potatoes so damn much! 73 00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:21,543 Um, yeah, huh… 74 00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:23,459 Potatoes in any form, basically. 75 00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:26,001 Mashed potatoes, wedges, maybe some slices, 76 00:03:26,084 --> 00:03:28,709 puree, french fries, potato dumplings, and even potato pancakes. 77 00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:30,959 Keep it short, junior, you're starting to make me hungry. 78 00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,126 Um, okay, to the point. 79 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:34,793 At first, no one paid any attention to his potato hunger. 80 00:03:34,876 --> 00:03:36,001 -Thanks, Mom. -"Thank you"? 81 00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:38,334 You take one bite and say "thank you"? You are done eating? 82 00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,793 You've been eating all that crappy takeout food, haven't you? 83 00:03:40,876 --> 00:03:42,584 Oh, no, Mom, I'm just full already. 84 00:03:42,668 --> 00:03:44,459 And besides, street kebabs are not crappy food. 85 00:03:44,543 --> 00:03:46,709 Finish your cutlet. You can leave the potatoes behind. 86 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,209 Teresa! Don't give me that bullshit. 87 00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:51,876 We are not gonna throw away any of these wonderful potatoes. 88 00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:53,376 I will eat them if this loser won't. 89 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,251 Mother, I am also stuffed. 90 00:03:56,001 --> 00:04:00,084 Over time, my father's love for potatoes began to grow into an immense obsession. 91 00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:02,418 Every meal we ate had to include those disgusting things. 92 00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:04,584 For every breakfast, for every lunch, and every dinner, 93 00:04:04,668 --> 00:04:05,876 and even for every dessert, 94 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:08,876 he demanded to be served insane amounts of potatoes all the freaking time. 95 00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:11,876 But even worse, my fathers body began to slowly transform. 96 00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:13,418 He gained lots of weight. 97 00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:15,793 And his skin began to darken. 98 00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:17,751 At the end of August, he was fired from his job 99 00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:19,751 because during their lunch break in the cafeteria, 100 00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:21,126 he threw himself at the manager, 101 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:24,043 who allegedly had more potato dumplings on his plate. 102 00:04:24,126 --> 00:04:26,584 Since then, he's been spending all of his free time, 103 00:04:26,668 --> 00:04:28,376 probably about thirty hours a day, 104 00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:31,543 sitting in his same ugly chair, wasting away in front of his television, 105 00:04:31,626 --> 00:04:34,126 consuming increasing amounts of potatoes. 106 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,376 We were so afraid. 107 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:37,293 Oh, so afraid of him. 108 00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:39,626 The old man said to keep the taters coming. 109 00:04:39,709 --> 00:04:40,793 And he devoured them. 110 00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:43,376 One day I come home and find my poor brother lying on the floor, 111 00:04:43,459 --> 00:04:44,918 next to his armchair. 112 00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:47,209 He was dead. 113 00:04:47,293 --> 00:04:50,459 And the bastard was just sitting quietly in his chair eating spuds, 114 00:04:50,543 --> 00:04:53,126 and he was watching some trivia quiz game show. 115 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,293 Mr. Piotr, what movie according to the IMDb rankings 116 00:04:56,376 --> 00:04:58,126 was the worst movie of all time? 117 00:04:58,209 --> 00:05:00,459 -Um, Waterworld. -You were close. 118 00:05:00,543 --> 00:05:03,376 The police said that my brothers death was caused from choking on a potato 119 00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:05,626 and deemed it an unfortunate accident. 120 00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:07,209 A few months passed. 121 00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:08,918 Over time, I unfortunately accepted 122 00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:10,959 the police’s version of the events as truth. 123 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,959 But then, he did it again a few days ago. 124 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:15,293 This time, he killed my mother. 125 00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:17,084 I told the cop that my dad's been possessed, 126 00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:19,418 and he laughed at me for believing in superstitious garbage 127 00:05:19,501 --> 00:05:20,626 and decided to report it as… 128 00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:22,793 Reported as an unfortunate accident. 129 00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:25,126 I thought my last hope must be to hire an exorcist. 130 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,709 I would try a priest, but as you can imagine, I don't shit money. 131 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,376 You did the right thing coming to us with this kind of problem. 132 00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:32,043 But you had better be warned, 133 00:05:32,126 --> 00:05:35,793 that if your old man has transformed into the creature I think he has, 134 00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:37,793 then dire misery will fall upon all of us. 135 00:05:44,959 --> 00:05:47,168 We're here. It's this apartment building. 136 00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:50,334 Marcinek, take the toilet paper with you this time in case you get too scared. 137 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,126 And you, junior, lead the way to your room. 138 00:05:54,084 --> 00:05:56,543 Seriously? A roll of toilet paper is all you have to offer me? 139 00:05:56,626 --> 00:05:58,626 What the hell did you expect for two hundred zloty? 140 00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:01,043 Anyway, if it turns out that I am right about this, 141 00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:03,543 not even the toilet paper will be able to help us. 142 00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:04,959 Follow me. You go ahead. 143 00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,876 Boss, doesn't this seem a little strange to you? 144 00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:08,793 What? 145 00:06:08,876 --> 00:06:10,543 If someone says they're shitting bricks, 146 00:06:10,626 --> 00:06:12,709 is it actual bricks of shit or is it too much bran? 147 00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:15,751 But what if you could shit real life actual bricks? 148 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,334 You could build a brick shithouse! 149 00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:20,459 This door here. 150 00:06:20,543 --> 00:06:22,876 Why are you standing looking like a deer in the headlights? 151 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:24,751 Go ahead, open it now. Get inside already. 152 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:25,709 Oh, no, no. 153 00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,251 I'm not gonna open that door. 154 00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:29,793 That horrible thing in there is no longer my loving father. 155 00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:31,168 That thing… 156 00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:33,626 …no longer has any human behaviors. 157 00:06:33,709 --> 00:06:35,043 You fucking pussy. 158 00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:38,834 What's his problem? 159 00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,543 Everything looks completely normal to me at first glance. 160 00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:44,043 Like after a traditional Polish house party. 161 00:06:44,126 --> 00:06:47,459 He should've seen my place after my eighteenth birthday. 162 00:06:47,543 --> 00:06:49,459 I feel like this is gonna be an easy case, boss. 163 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,376 Quiet, Marcinek. 164 00:06:50,459 --> 00:06:53,209 Just because the apartment is nice and tidy doesn't mean it's all okay. 165 00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:55,126 Hello! Are you there, Mr. Host? 166 00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:56,793 You have some company! 167 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:57,959 Let's check the room. 168 00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:02,334 He's sleeping. 169 00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:03,959 Or he's just dead. 170 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:05,834 Or he's lurking like a toad waiting for you. 171 00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,543 Be careful, Marcinek. Don't get too close. 172 00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,876 Crap! Have you ever seen anything as weird as this? 173 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:11,084 I have, in the toilet. 174 00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:13,334 The day after a special offer on street kebabs. 175 00:07:13,418 --> 00:07:15,793 But mine did not have sprouts growing from it. 176 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,459 Oh stop, don't worry, he's not even breathing. 177 00:07:20,543 --> 00:07:23,793 French fries! Puke them out or I'll kill you. 178 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:26,043 That's not really something I can do on cue. 179 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:30,043 Why, you little! 180 00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:36,459 Marcinek, retreat! 181 00:07:37,876 --> 00:07:40,293 Holy shit, your situation up there is not good at all, kid. 182 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,376 -How's that? -I was hoping it would go a bit better 183 00:07:42,459 --> 00:07:43,501 but it was shit-show. 184 00:07:43,584 --> 00:07:45,709 Unfortunately, the prognosis is much worse. 185 00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:48,793 Your father has transformed into a hideous vampuree. 186 00:07:48,876 --> 00:07:49,959 What, do you mean a vampire? 187 00:07:50,043 --> 00:07:52,876 Not a vampire, but a goddamn vampuree. 188 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:55,084 Much more dangerous than your average vampire. 189 00:07:55,168 --> 00:07:56,418 Instead of blood though, 190 00:07:56,501 --> 00:07:59,043 what he craves is a constant flow of potato starch. 191 00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,959 And he's willing to kill anything for his potatoes. 192 00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:04,501 Worst of all, he's practically immortal now. 193 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:07,626 A gunshot to the head will only make him chuckle and grumpy, and then… 194 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:09,626 he will murder you just for the fun of it. 195 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:12,543 Not only that, God forbid, we try and call the police over here, 196 00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,626 because he would try and kill all of them as well. 197 00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:16,084 In order for us to beat him, 198 00:08:16,168 --> 00:08:18,918 we have to keep over feeding him with potatoes to fatten him up. 199 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:21,876 -Boss, are you fucking crazy? -You have to believe me, Marcinek. 200 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,251 It's the only thing we can really do. 201 00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:29,459 -What's the update? -He's eating. 202 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,293 Gorging himself like a fucking pig. Which isn't surprising really. 203 00:08:32,376 --> 00:08:35,293 We supplied him with copious amounts of steamed potatoes for livestock. 204 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:37,209 Dozens and dozens of kilos. 205 00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,668 Sure hope it takes him a while to consume all those potatoes. 206 00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:40,751 Shit, where is Domino? 207 00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:43,959 If he fails his mission, we will end up wasting two whole pots of potatoes. 208 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:45,584 Who's this Domino? 209 00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:46,543 Hello? 210 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,501 What? Wa-wa-wa-wait. Slowly. 211 00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:51,084 How come? 212 00:08:51,918 --> 00:08:53,293 Peace out. 213 00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:55,126 If you're gonna say that he is not coming, 214 00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:57,126 you better shut the fuck up right now. 215 00:08:58,251 --> 00:08:59,084 So then? 216 00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:01,293 I thought I was supposed to shut up right now. 217 00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:04,001 He's not coming inside, but he's right outside the building. 218 00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,626 He's been arrested by the police again. 219 00:09:05,709 --> 00:09:08,043 The moron is running around town without a disguise on again. 220 00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:09,959 No wonder they arrested Domino. 221 00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:12,418 Huh! This is a weird ID. 222 00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:15,459 Have you seen this, Mariusz? It must be a new one. Or an old one. 223 00:09:15,543 --> 00:09:16,376 Oh damn, a demon. 224 00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:18,876 Gentlemen, hold on. I promise I can explain everything to you. 225 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,834 Don't disturb him. Martin is writing a ticket and he can't make a mistake 226 00:09:21,918 --> 00:09:23,543 because it's the only pad of paper we have. 227 00:09:23,626 --> 00:09:25,293 -But I was just gonna-- -Wait just a minute! 228 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,709 It smells so darn good in here. 229 00:09:29,793 --> 00:09:31,709 Now that's the kind of dinner I like to enjoy, 230 00:09:31,793 --> 00:09:35,543 not those awful pizzas the youngsters like to get diabetes from these days. 231 00:09:38,668 --> 00:09:41,126 The smell is coming from in here. 232 00:09:41,209 --> 00:09:44,126 I'll knock on the door. Say I need to borrow some sugar. 233 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,584 Maybe some dinner, too. 234 00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:49,459 Oh fuck, it has begun. 235 00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:51,959 Unhand Domino, or we are all going to be brutally murdered! 236 00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:53,126 Now I made a mistake 237 00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,126 because he keeps yapping about murder in my ear. 238 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:57,293 See what you've done now? ID right now! 239 00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:59,376 Oh, wait. We are all out of pads now, right? 240 00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:01,126 Potatoes! 241 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,376 What an absolute unit! 242 00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:04,543 Please keep it down. It's after ten o'clock curfew. 243 00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:08,668 Oh crap. Hands up, spread your legs and don't use your teeth… 244 00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,834 Uh, got you confused with my date last night. Sorry. 245 00:10:10,918 --> 00:10:12,459 Just put your hands up now! 246 00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:16,959 Potatoes! 247 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,626 Oh shit, he's heading downtown. 248 00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:20,293 Ah, fuck, screw this. 249 00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:22,959 Why, you! Stop, or I swear I'll shoot you in the back! 250 00:10:23,043 --> 00:10:25,543 Since I'm a terrible shot, I'll probably end up hitting all of us! 251 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,709 I will even settle for some damn soup. 252 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,459 Some good old potato soup. 253 00:10:29,543 --> 00:10:32,959 How about you settle for a swarm of some friendly potato beetles for dinner? 254 00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,709 God, Dad, no! 255 00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:40,709 No, hold on. This is supposed to happen, right? 256 00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:43,543 That thing is not my loving ol' father anymore. 257 00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:49,793 Phew. Looks like it all worked out. 258 00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:52,043 And who's on top now, fellas? 259 00:10:52,126 --> 00:10:53,834 Definitely not you. Gotcha! 260 00:10:53,918 --> 00:10:56,126 -Uh, so… -Gentlemen, let him go. 261 00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:59,543 Yes, he's a stupid demon. Completely harmless. He is tame. 262 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:00,459 What stupid demon? 263 00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:02,959 We're city folk and we don't believe in those superstitions. 264 00:11:03,043 --> 00:11:04,501 He rode his bike through a red light. 265 00:11:04,584 --> 00:11:07,334 Hand over a 200 zloty bribe, and we will disappear in an instant. 266 00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:09,918 Or we can issue you a ticket, but it will be a lot more expensive. 267 00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,543 -It's really not worth it. -Err… 268 00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,459 THE END