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SEBUAH SIRI NETFLIX

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Kentang!

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PUNTIANAK

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Kentang!

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Ubi!

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Mak, cepat.

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Mak dah hidang. Jauh dari pintu.

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Jangan usik dia.

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Ub…

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Beri saya ubi kentang itu!

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Mak.

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Mak datang.

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Buka.

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UBI BODOH

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Tadziu. <i>Pyry</i> dengan dil.

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Pyry di antara Ursynow dan Piaseczno.

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Kentang dengan dil.

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Dil tak sedap.

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Saya tak suka dil.

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Saya dah masak. Saya perlu buat apa?

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Buang dil.

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- Ini dia.
- Beri kepada saya!

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Tak cukup!

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Saya beri semuanya. Dah habis.

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Awak makan!

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Saya rasa untuk tahu jika ia cukup masin.

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Tadek, jangan!

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Saya mahu ladu kentang.

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Bila ia akan siap?

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- Batu!
- Gunting!

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Sial, baik.

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Satu, dua, tiga!

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- Batu!
- Gunting!

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Sial, kenapa?

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Sekali lagi.

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- Satu, dua, tiga, gunting!
- Batu!

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Sial.

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- Dah cukup?
- Belum.

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Domino tak pernah putus asa.

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Dia hanya miskin.

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- Satu, dua, tiga, gunting!
- Batu!

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Awak menipu!

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Awak yang tak tahu main.
Awak sentiasa tunjuk gunting.

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Jika awak pilih nombor loteri
yang sama berulang kali,

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awak akan menang akhirnya.

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Sama macam ini.

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- Satu, dua, tiga, gunting!
- Batu!

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Kenapa curi tulang?
Buat apa saya bayar gaji?

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Tiada apa bagi saya.

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Ia mengingatkan saya, gaji saya…

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Apa? Kita main gunting-batu-kertas?
Satu, dua…

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Tak sangka, klien! Domino, masuk tandas.

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Orang mungkin takut tengok muka awak.

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Saya dah agak seseorang akan ketuk
selepas bos cemarkan tandas.

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Salam, boleh masuk?

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Silakan. Pengubahsuaian atau kerasukan?

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Mungkin yang kedua.

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Tak pernah untung.

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Duduk, budak, dan cerita kepada saya.

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Polis kata ia kemalangan,
sebab mereka tak percaya perkara tahayul.

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Demi 200 zloty,
saya boleh percaya apa pun.

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Jika awak mahu bil,
awak perlu bayar lebih.

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Saya tak perlu bil.

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Saya cerita dari awal.

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Ayah saya tak selalu macam itu.

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Beberapa tahun lalu,

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rupa dan pemikiran dia
sama macam lelaki lain sebaya dia.

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Tunggu ayah di sini.

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PELINDUNG BAYI

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Hanya ayah biasa.

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Ayah saya sentiasa suka kentang.

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Itu…

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Dalam apa jua jenis masakan.

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Kentang lecek, bebaji, hirisan, puri,
goreng, ladu kentang, lempeng kentang.

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Pendekkan cerita, saya dah lapar.

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Baik, masalahnya.

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Pada mulanya, tiada siapa sedar.

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- Terima kasih.
- Apa?

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Awak hanya makan satu suap.

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Awak asyik makan makanan merapu.

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Saya kenyang.

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Lagipun, kebab tak merapu.

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Habiskan cop. Tinggalkan kentang.

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Teresa! Jangan mengkufuri nikmat.

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Kita tak akan buang kentang.
Beri kepada saya jika dia tak mahu.

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Mak, saya kenyang.

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Lama-kelamaan, ketaasuban ayah saya
terhadap kentang semakin meningkat.

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Setiap hidangan perlu ada kentang.

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Sarapan, makan tengah hari,
makan malam, dalam pencuci mulut pun

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dia minta kentang.

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Lebih teruk, ayah saya mula berubah.

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<i>Dia semakin gemuk.</i>

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<i>Kulit dia semakin gelap.</i>

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Pada penghujung Ogos, dia dipecat

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sebab semasa di kantin,
dia bergaduh dengan pengurus

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<i>yang makan lebih banyak ladu kentang.</i>

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Sejak itu, semasa masa lapang dia,
macam 30 jam sehari,

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dia duduk di depan TV,

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sambil makan lebih banyak ubi kentang.

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Kami takut.

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Kami sangat takut.

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Orang tua itu suruh buat bekalan.

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<i>Dan dia melantak.</i>

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Sebaik saja saya pulang, saya nampak

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<i>adik saya terbaring di sebelah kerusi.</i>

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<i>Dia dah mati.</i>

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Bangsat itu hanya duduk diam
di atas kerusi dia

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dan tonton rancangan kuiz.

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<i>Encik Piotr, filem apa yang menurut IMDb,</i>

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<i>filem paling teruk di dunia?</i>

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<i>- Katyn.</i>
<i>- Hampir betul.</i>

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Polis kata abang saya tercekik kentang

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<i>dan ia dianggap kemalangan.</i>

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<i>Beberapa bulan berlalu.</i>

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Lama-kelamaan, saya terpaksa
terima hakikat itu, tapi semalam,

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dia buat lagi.

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Kali ini dia bunuh mak saya.

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Saya beritahu polis dia dirasuk.

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Polis ketawakan saya
sebab percaya tahayul dan tulis,

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"Kemalangan malang."

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Hanya boleh harap penghalau hantu.

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Saya mahu jumpa paderi
tapi saya tiada duit.

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Awak buat perkara yang betul, budak.

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Tapi amaran,

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jika ayah awak bertukar
menjadi sesuatu yang saya fikir,

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habislah kita.

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Kita dah sampai.

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Rumah pangsa ini.

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Marcinek, bawa tisu tandas,
mungkin awak akan takut.

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Budak, tunjuk rumah awak.

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Awak hanya bawa itu?

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Apa yang awak harap untuk 200?

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Apa pun, jika sangkaan saya benar,

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tisu tandas pun tak akan membantu.

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Ikut saya. Pergi dulu.

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- Bos, bukankah ia agak pelik?
- Apa?

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Jika awak letak kayu pada tangan orang,
tiada apa akan berlaku.

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Tapi jika awak ambil kayu
dari tangan seseorang,

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ia masalah besar.

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Pintu ini.

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Kenapa awak berdiri tercegat?

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- Ia bukan Gdynia. Masuk.
- Tak.

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Saya tak mahu masuk.

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Benda itu bukan ayah saya.

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Benda itu bukan manusia.

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Lembik.

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Dia mahu apa?

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Sekali pandang, semuanya nampak normal.

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Macam selepas pesta tradisional Poland.

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Dia patut tengok rumah saya
selepas pesta hari lahir ke-18 saya.

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Saya rasa ia kes yang mudah.

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Diam, Marcinek. Ia kemas,
tapi tak bermakna ia selamat.

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Helo, tuan rumah!

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Ada tetamu!

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Mari periksa bilik.

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Dia tidur.

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- Atau mati.
- Atau menyorok macam katak.

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Jaga-jaga. Jangan dekat sangat.

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Awak pernah tengok benda begini?

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Pernah. Hari itu, selepas kebab
dijual dengan harga murah.

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Tapi kebab saya tiada tauge.

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Bagus, dia tak bernafas.

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Kentang goreng!
Buang atau saya bunuh awak.

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Saya tak boleh terus buat.

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Awak!

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Marcinek, lari!

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Ia lebih teruk daripada sangkaan saya.

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- Kenapa?
- Teruk, saya sangka ia bagus.

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Malangnya, saya tiada berita baik.

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Ayah awak seekor purianak.

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Apa, puntianak?

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Bukan puntianak, purianak.

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Lebih berbahaya daripada puntianak biasa,
dia tak hisap darah

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tapi dia teringin kanji kentang.

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Dia sanggup membunuh deminya.

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Paling teruk, dia hampir hidup kekal.

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Tembakan hanya buat dia ketawa, dan

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dia membunuh demi keseronokan.

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Jadi kita tak boleh telefon polis,

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dia akan bunuh mereka.

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Untuk kalahkan dia, kita perlu
terus-menerus beri dia makan kentang.

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- Bos, awak gila?
- Percayalah, Marcinek.

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Hanya itu caranya.

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- Jadi?
- Dia makan.

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Dia makan macam khinzir.

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Tapi biasalah. Lagipun, kita jamu dia
kentang kukus untuk khinzir.

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Berdozen kilo.

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Saya harap dia akan ambil masa.

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Sial, di mana Domino dungu?

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Jika dia gagal, bazir dua periuk kentang.

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Siapa Domino?

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Helo?

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Apa? Sekejap. Perlahan-lahan.

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Kenapa pula?

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Salam.

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Jika awak mahu cakap dia tak datang,
baik awak tutup mulut awak.

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Jadi?

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- Saya sepatutnya diam.
- Sial.

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Dia tak boleh naik, tapi dia di luar.

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Dia ditangkap polis.

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Si dungu itu tak menyamar di luar.

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Patutlah mereka tangkap dia.

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KP yang pelik.

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Dah tengok, Mariusz?
Tentu kad baru atau kad lama.

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Sial, syaitan.

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Tuan, sebentar. Saya akan beri penjelasan.

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Jangan ganggu dia.
Dia menulis, tak boleh silap

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sebab hanya ada satu pad.

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- Tapi saya hanya…
- Sekejap!

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Sedapnya bau.

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Itulah makan malam yang saya mahu,

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bukan piza yang orang muda makan sekarang.

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Bau dari sini.

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Saya akan ketuk dan kata
saya mahu pinjam gula.

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Mungkin mereka akan jemput.

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Ia dah bermula.

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Lepaskan Domino, atau kita semua mati!

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Saya buat silap,

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sebab dia membebel di tepi saya.

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Tengok apa awak dah buat? KP!

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Sekejap. Dah tiada pad, bukan?

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Kentang!

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Itu dia! Tuan, perlahankan suara.
Dah lewat pukul 10.

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Angkat tangan,
londeh seluar, duit atas meja!

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Sial, selalu terlepas cakap.

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Angkat tangan saja!

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Kentang!

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Dia mahu ke bandar.

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Jahanam!

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Awak! Berhenti atau saya tembak awak!

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Saya tak pandai tembak,
jadi kita akan mati.

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Mungkin ada sup.

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Tapi sup kentang.

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Apa kata awak ambil
sekawan kumbang kentang?

235
00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,626
Ayah, tak!

236
00:10:38,709 --> 00:10:40,709
Tak, sekejap. Itu bagus.

237
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:43,543
Dia bukan ayah saya.

238
00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:49,793
Legalah, ia berjaya.

239
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:52,043
Siapa menang sekarang?

240
00:10:52,126 --> 00:10:54,251
Bukan awak. Kami tangkap awak!

241
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:56,126
- Itu…
- Tuan, lepaskan dia.

242
00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:59,543
Ya, dia syaitan,
tapi tak berbahaya, dia jinak.

243
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:00,459
Syaitan apa?

244
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:04,584
Orang bandar tak percaya perkara tahayul.
Dia langgar lampu merah.

245
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,168
Beri kami 200 zloty, kami lepaskan dia.

246
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,751
Atau kami boleh beri saman,
ia lebih mahal.

247
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:10,793
Tak berbaloi.

248
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,459
TAMAT

249
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:15,501
<i>Penghalau hantu kurang tiga ratus</i>

250
00:11:15,584 --> 00:11:18,793
<i>Sebenarnya, dua ratus</i>
<i>Jika mahu bil, bayarlah lebih</i>

251
00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:21,501
<i>Jaga-jaga, Beelzebutt</i>
<i>Awak akan dibelasah</i>

252
00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:24,918
<i>Jaga-jaga, Buttcifer</i>
<i>Dia menyasarkan awak</i>

253
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:29,084
Terjemahan sari kata oleh
Zarifah Kamarulhisham