1
00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:12,376
A NETFLIX SERIES

2
00:00:15,876 --> 00:00:18,001
Go fetch!

3
00:00:18,709 --> 00:00:19,584
WANTED DEAD OR KILLED

4
00:00:19,668 --> 00:00:21,918
Nergal! Go fetch!

5
00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,793
No? Come on, bring the toy!

6
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,834
Whatever. I'll go fetch,
but it's the last time.

7
00:00:27,918 --> 00:00:30,168
Watch and learn.

8
00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:36,376
And that's how it's done.

9
00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:38,709
Right. Sentencing. And what did he do?

10
00:00:38,793 --> 00:00:41,126
-He was drinking beer.
-He did fucking what?

11
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,709
But I have implemented the prohibition!

12
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:47,168
A complete ban of alcohol consumption
in all of the netherworld!

13
00:00:47,251 --> 00:00:49,043
After all, this is Hell, not a holiday.

14
00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:51,376
It's Hell for humans, not us demons.

15
00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:53,543
And now he's talking back.
Nergal, attack him!

16
00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:57,668
No, not that one!

17
00:01:02,543 --> 00:01:04,959
I gotta do everything myself.

18
00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:09,626
See? That's what I meant.

19
00:01:13,209 --> 00:01:15,459
Okay, Pietro,
take him out for a walk,

20
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,876
because he is getting too frisky.

21
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,709
-He will bite me again.
-He won't if you take some treats.

22
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:21,709
PET CEMETERY

23
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,293
He got himself a dog, but when it's time
to walk him, he can't be bothered.

24
00:01:27,376 --> 00:01:30,209
All right, go play, you stupid mutt.
Just do not get lost again!

25
00:01:59,043 --> 00:02:03,126
Okay. Now!

26
00:02:07,543 --> 00:02:09,043
Holy fucking shit. Not good.

27
00:02:09,126 --> 00:02:11,918
I don't know. Just butchering
a dog like that is kinda messed up?

28
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:15,168
It had as much to do with a dog as Domino
has to do with high school diplomas.

29
00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:17,459
-What?
-Mr. Zdzisiu, all done here.

30
00:02:18,043 --> 00:02:19,793
-Dead?
-The cemetery is clear.

31
00:02:19,876 --> 00:02:21,126
And you owe me 200 zloty.

32
00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:26,918
MAIL

33
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,543
It's that Boner again!

34
00:02:29,626 --> 00:02:31,709
Just not against the floor!

35
00:02:31,793 --> 00:02:32,959
And the screen is cracked.

36
00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:34,543
Oh, no, it's fine.

37
00:02:34,626 --> 00:02:35,459
Ah, it's fine?

38
00:02:37,459 --> 00:02:39,918
I'm gonna do the same thing
I just did to this phone

39
00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:41,793
to that piece of shit deadbeat exorcist.

40
00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:43,209
Twenty thousand!

41
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,084
Nah, twenty thousand is a bit too much.

42
00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:46,043
Ten thousand.

43
00:02:46,126 --> 00:02:47,626
Ten thousand zloty reward

44
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:51,209
for anyone who can capture that
son of a bitch and bring him to me alive.

45
00:02:51,293 --> 00:02:52,126
Good one, right?

46
00:02:52,209 --> 00:02:54,293
Absolutely. If you say so,
Your Lord Motherfuckedness.

47
00:02:54,376 --> 00:02:56,459
I need you to set up an ad on Teletext!

48
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,126
Also send out a bunch of spam
to private emails!

49
00:02:59,209 --> 00:03:00,959
And print way too many flyers!

50
00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:03,376
Oh yeah.
Raise parking fees throughout Hell,

51
00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:05,876
and introduce new loading
and construction zones!

52
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:08,793
We're even going to raise it
on those with private properties.

53
00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:10,793
I have to raise that money somehow.

54
00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:12,543
EXORCIST OFFICE / BONER CONSTRUCTION

55
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,459
LAWN MOWING
CHEAP!

56
00:03:20,918 --> 00:03:23,043
Mmm… Bust my damn gut.

57
00:03:23,126 --> 00:03:25,126
But this is fucking finger-licking good.

58
00:03:25,209 --> 00:03:28,209
And what separates a real man
from a boy, you may ask me?

59
00:03:28,293 --> 00:03:30,584
This. The fact that he'll eat this.

60
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,626
Mmm, smells delicious.

61
00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:35,668
Okay, that's it.
I can't wait for this tripe to fully melt.

62
00:03:35,751 --> 00:03:37,543
Shi…

63
00:03:37,626 --> 00:03:38,626
Who is so fucking stupid

64
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:41,626
that they decided to knock on my door
at nine o'clock at night?

65
00:03:45,043 --> 00:03:46,334
Now what's going on?

66
00:03:46,418 --> 00:03:48,293
Hello? Is anybody out here?

67
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,334
Fucking weird.

68
00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:52,126
WEL OME

69
00:03:59,709 --> 00:04:03,543
Put your damn hands up,
Flacid-dick Boner!

70
00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:09,543
Don't you even think about
going for your shotgun.

71
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:12,876
You moron. I wasn't even thinking
about going for my shotgun.

72
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:18,043
Oh, you have made
a very big mistake, you asshole demon.

73
00:04:18,126 --> 00:04:20,084
'Cause I'm already so scared of you.

74
00:04:20,626 --> 00:04:22,334
Ah, it's lukewarm.

75
00:04:25,793 --> 00:04:27,459
Oh mommy!

76
00:04:34,001 --> 00:04:34,834
You killed him.

77
00:04:34,918 --> 00:04:37,376
Thank you, Domino.
How could you tell, Captain Obvious?

78
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,209
That's easy.
His anal ooze channel is leaking.

79
00:04:39,293 --> 00:04:40,543
Don't you mean sphincters?

80
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:43,293
No way. We demons do not have sphincters.

81
00:04:43,376 --> 00:04:46,126
Defecation occurs at a spontaneous time.

82
00:04:46,209 --> 00:04:48,376
So we simply just ooze
when we need to poop…

83
00:04:48,459 --> 00:04:51,043
All right, spare us the gory details.
What do we do with him?

84
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:53,543
The same thing we did
with the previous four assassins.

85
00:04:54,709 --> 00:04:55,959
Oh wow, holy shit!

86
00:04:56,043 --> 00:04:58,543
Well, well. That's five assassins now.

87
00:04:58,626 --> 00:05:00,959
You must have upset someone
pretty badly, boss man.

88
00:05:01,043 --> 00:05:03,209
All right, toss the corpse
with the others by the fence.

89
00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,626
Let it decay out in the open.

90
00:05:04,709 --> 00:05:07,209
I'm going back to finish
my delicious lukewarm dinner.

91
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:09,168
Mmm… Tripe stew!

92
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,793
Okay, Marcinek, grab ahold of his feet.

93
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:17,793
Um…

94
00:05:18,626 --> 00:05:21,918
Domino, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

95
00:05:23,126 --> 00:05:27,043
WANTED DEAD OR KILLED
REWARD 10 000 ZLOTY

96
00:05:29,126 --> 00:05:30,876
ATTENTION! UNDEVILING
DO NOT ENTER!

97
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,793
DELICIOUS VODKA GARWOLIN

98
00:05:37,876 --> 00:05:39,459
Fuck!

99
00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:41,668
Why in the hell did I come up
with this stupid trap?

100
00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:44,709
Couldn't we have just put a coin
or some cash in there instead of my vodka?

101
00:05:44,793 --> 00:05:47,584
Boss, don't worry. This is going to be
a simple in and out job.

102
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:49,209
We'll banish the demons. No more scares.

103
00:05:49,293 --> 00:05:51,293
The client will love it.
You'll get paid your money.

104
00:05:51,376 --> 00:05:55,376
Yep, every demon in Hell would be tempted
by some earthly thirst-quenching alcohol.

105
00:05:55,459 --> 00:05:58,584
I just know
I'm going to regret this decision.

106
00:05:58,668 --> 00:06:01,459
Hang on, I think they're here.

107
00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:12,001
Tycjan, I'm really sorry, man.

108
00:06:13,293 --> 00:06:15,668
How was I supposed to know
Sylwia was your girlfriend?

109
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:18,834
I came with her, so whose
fucking girlfriend do you think she was?

110
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:21,376
She was fucking everyone.
How could I know?

111
00:06:21,459 --> 00:06:23,001
For four fucking months, you blind jerk.

112
00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:26,418
I've been trying for four damn months,

113
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:29,209
paying for our dates,
her dinners, the movies with popcorn…

114
00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:31,876
…so she would at least
hold my dick in her hands.

115
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:35,418
But this guy drags her into the bathroom
after only 15 minutes of talking to her.

116
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:39,126
Usually, they go with me right away.
That must mean she's a decent woman.

117
00:06:44,293 --> 00:06:45,543
So now, we all good?

118
00:06:46,709 --> 00:06:48,418
Should I tell you
my favorite pick-up secret?

119
00:06:48,501 --> 00:06:49,709
The pick-up line is key.

120
00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,459
You walk up to your girl and say…

121
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:58,334
-That is what you said to her?
-Yeah.

122
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,251
Ow!

123
00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:01,918
I meant if she had
a hypothetical boyfriend,

124
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:03,376
I wasn't talking about you, Tycjan.

125
00:07:03,459 --> 00:07:06,334
Tycjan! Come on, Tycjan. Bro, I'm sorry!

126
00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:07,918
Like a brother to a brother.

127
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:09,168
I'm really sorry, okay?

128
00:07:09,251 --> 00:07:11,376
You know where you can shove
that apology?

129
00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:13,209
In Sylwia, where you shoved your…

130
00:07:13,293 --> 00:07:15,793
Oh shit-balls, Borys,
please fucking pinch me, dude.

131
00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:17,709
I think I must be fucking dreaming
or something.

132
00:07:17,793 --> 00:07:18,959
-What?
-That!

133
00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:22,168
It's all mine, and I am no longer angry.

134
00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:24,793
No, stay angry.
We are sharing that bottle.

135
00:07:24,876 --> 00:07:26,376
I told you.

136
00:07:26,459 --> 00:07:29,543
Right now!

137
00:07:31,876 --> 00:07:33,376
Uh…

138
00:07:33,459 --> 00:07:35,126
Now give me back my bottle of vodka,

139
00:07:35,209 --> 00:07:38,376
or I will treat your pie hole
to a bunch of my little leadballs.

140
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:41,751
Are you sure about that?
But we have a hostage you might want back.

141
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:44,126
Put the shotgun down,
or say goodbye to the vodka.

142
00:07:44,209 --> 00:07:48,376
Uh, take it easy now. You don't want
to do anything foolish here.

143
00:07:48,459 --> 00:07:51,251
So, Domino, open the cage right now.

144
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:52,793
-No, but…
-Open it.

145
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,376
Phew! Did you see that?

146
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:01,376
Right now!

147
00:08:02,376 --> 00:08:03,459
We've got him.

148
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:04,668
Marcinek, what are you up to?

149
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,709
Open this,
or I will punch you in the face.

150
00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:09,501
Forgive us, boss,
but one punch in the face isn't enough.

151
00:08:09,584 --> 00:08:13,876
Because we have 10,000 reasons
not to open this trap door right now.

152
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:17,876
Well, you deceitful
goddamn little Judases.

153
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:21,209
…4290,

154
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,001
4300, 4310,

155
00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:26,376
4320.

156
00:08:26,459 --> 00:08:28,834
-There's a bit missing.
-Marcin, don't be picky.

157
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:31,709
You've never seen more money
in your life anyways, idiot.

158
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:34,209
All right then,
this amount of money will work for us.

159
00:08:34,293 --> 00:08:35,876
Well, in that case, goodbye then.

160
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:38,376
My guard here will escort you back
to the portal to Earth.

161
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:49,209
Exorcist Limp Boner,
now I will finally get even with you.

162
00:08:49,293 --> 00:08:52,084
You probably want me to kill
your sorry ass quickly, don't you?

163
00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:53,751
Ah, but no.

164
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,376
I won't even give you the pleasure
of surrendering to death so quickly.

165
00:08:57,459 --> 00:09:00,876
First, you will spend the next 25 years
in a penal colony.

166
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,459
And then, an execution.

167
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,668
And then a debt collection!

168
00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:06,668
PRISON SERVICE

169
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:10,043
Not the penal colony!

170
00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:12,251
That's the worst place in Hell.

171
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,918
It would be better
to land in the cauldron.

172
00:09:16,126 --> 00:09:18,709
Czesiek, stop whining
like a fucking bitch.

173
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,084
You're a guard, for fuck's sake,
not a prisoner.

174
00:09:21,168 --> 00:09:24,709
Well, maybe you're right, Filip.
But I feel so sorry for them that…

175
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:27,043
Sorry for them? You fucking serious.

176
00:09:27,126 --> 00:09:28,418
You didn't even feel sorry for me

177
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,793
when you put a firecracker
into the lit end of my cigarette.

178
00:09:30,876 --> 00:09:32,751
Krzyś, I apologized for that, didn't I?

179
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:35,293
Besides, you even said
it was hilarious yourself, so what gives?

180
00:09:35,376 --> 00:09:37,043
-By the way, Krzysiek.
-Yeah?

181
00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:39,626
Why the fuck are you driving,
given that you're blind and all?

182
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:42,418
Don't worry, I know this road
like the back of my claw, so relax.

183
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,459
-Yes, I can see that.
-Stop panicking, Filip.

184
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,626
He always runs over that rock
when we reach this point.

185
00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:48,543
See? I told you.

186
00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:52,626
Freeze, or I will shoot you
with this AK-47!

187
00:09:58,376 --> 00:10:00,293
KEEP YOUR GUN ON YOUR PRISONER

188
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:02,959
Sweet, sweet victory!

189
00:10:03,043 --> 00:10:06,209
Now then, it’s time to take
these prisoners to the penal colony.

190
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:08,751
Where is that starter button? Oh.

191
00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:25,876
Phew,
luckily the built-in parachute deployed.

192
00:10:28,626 --> 00:10:31,626
Victory!

193
00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:34,209
I tell ya, that was definitely
the most perfect plan ever!

194
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:37,459
Yeah! Beelzebutt, that stupid motherfucker
couldn't wrap his tiny little mind

195
00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:39,543
around the fact
that we organized that whole scheme.

196
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:41,459
Wait, that was totally fucking staged?

197
00:10:41,543 --> 00:10:43,251
So, we didn't turn the boss in, after all.

198
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:46,251
Domino, if I wasn't in such a great mood
right now celebrating,

199
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:47,376
I would fucking smack you.

200
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:49,126
If you are in such a good mood right now,

201
00:10:49,209 --> 00:10:51,501
maybe you could share this reward
with us or me?

202
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,501
Four thousand zloty divided by three
is over a grand each.

203
00:10:54,584 --> 00:10:57,459
Ah! Exactly 1,330 zloty with some change.

204
00:10:57,543 --> 00:10:58,459
You are fucking crazy.

205
00:10:58,543 --> 00:11:00,793
Then maybe you can pay me
overdue salary at least?

206
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,793
You owe me for two months,
1500 zloty each.

207
00:11:02,876 --> 00:11:04,293
Ehh. All right, Marcinek.

208
00:11:04,376 --> 00:11:06,001
Here is 1300 zloty,

209
00:11:06,084 --> 00:11:09,043
and let's say your salary
for the last two months is paid off now.

210
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:11,001
Thank you, I guess.

211
00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:13,459
Boss man, will you pay me
my overdue paychecks as well?

212
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:16,543
I've been working for a year,
which is twelve months, I'm pretty sure.

213
00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:18,876
Twelve months, you say then?

214
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,376
Ah! Let it be my loss then,

215
00:11:20,459 --> 00:11:22,876
I will round twelve down
to the nearest whole number.

216
00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:25,959
Ten times zero is…
Divided by the square root of three.

217
00:11:26,459 --> 00:11:27,793
Unfortunately, for you, Domino.

218
00:11:28,376 --> 00:11:31,293
All right, very good then.
Money doesn't buy happiness anyway.

219
00:11:31,376 --> 00:11:32,209
THE END