1
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A NETFLIX SERIES
2
00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:36,959
Faster!
3
00:00:37,043 --> 00:00:38,793
Please, hurry!
4
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MAKS: WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE?!
5
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ANSW: I'M ON MY WAY
6
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MAKS: COME ON MAN
7
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ANSW: BE RIGHT THERE.
WAITING FOR A HOT DOG.
8
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:52,626
He's here somewhere.
9
00:00:53,376 --> 00:00:54,668
Can you smell it, Luki?
10
00:00:54,751 --> 00:00:56,668
That's what fear smells like.
11
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I don't know.
To me, it's just an ordinary fart.
12
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As a matter of fact,
they both smell the same.
13
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Okay, you check the room,
and I'll look in the kitchen.
14
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It'd be easier with light.
15
00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:12,501
I don't know why you broke all the lamps.
16
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First of all, I like the effects.
17
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And second,
the dick will learn to save electricity.
18
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-I got you, dickhead!
-No!
19
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You can scream. You're dead anyway.
20
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What?
21
00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:31,209
Mateo, what a scrooge.
You're trampling on the hologram?
22
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It's displayed in the air, you yahoo.
23
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Yeah, right.
You're a "homogram" yourself, damn.
24
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You and your scientific superstitions.
It's witchcraft.
25
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:42,834
Never mind.
26
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:47,959
I'll hold him,
and you cut his head off with a machete.
27
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Okay!
28
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What?
29
00:01:55,709 --> 00:01:59,084
Oh, fuck, Mateo. What an awesome knife.
30
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You!
31
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You may have an awesome knife,
but you're no match for my machete…
32
00:02:16,668 --> 00:02:18,959
Boss, it's done.
33
00:02:19,043 --> 00:02:21,293
It was easier than I thought.
34
00:02:21,376 --> 00:02:22,793
Perfect.
35
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,418
Make sure the client pays
and return to the base.
36
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,376
-We have another job.
-Yes, sir.
37
00:02:27,459 --> 00:02:28,543
What do we have here?
38
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:31,584
Undeviling the apartment
and saving a life.
39
00:02:31,668 --> 00:02:32,626
That's 300.
40
00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:35,626
Oh, man, that's a lot.
I didn't know I was worth that much.
41
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:39,543
Undeviling is 300.
Saving a life was for free, as a bonus.
42
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:42,459
How about no invoice, to make it cheaper?
43
00:02:42,543 --> 00:02:44,959
I'm sorry. We don't do things like that.
44
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B-3.
45
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RETIREMENT HOME
OLD BUT GOLD
46
00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:51,834
A-4.
47
00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:55,251
C-2.
48
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,001
Nothing? Let's keep drawing.
49
00:03:00,418 --> 00:03:02,293
-B-2.
-Bingo!
50
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:05,001
Bingo! Did you see that, Boner?
51
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,501
That's how you play!
52
00:03:07,126 --> 00:03:11,001
And so, we have a winner.
Natan wins once again.
53
00:03:11,084 --> 00:03:14,418
The prize for this round
is a urine bottle.
54
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:18,876
Cool! I was about to go to the toilet,
and now, I don't have to.
55
00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:25,834
NATIVE - CHEAP AND TASTY
NOW FLAVORED
56
00:03:47,543 --> 00:03:48,793
Boss, all clear.
57
00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:54,834
Bogdan Boner.
58
00:03:54,918 --> 00:03:58,001
I just hope the booze
didn't burn out your brain
59
00:03:58,084 --> 00:04:00,793
and you recognize your old "friends."
60
00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:01,876
Shit…
61
00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:03,709
You're probably wondering
62
00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:08,209
why I didn't just kill you
all these years.
63
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,543
Well… Pietro, plug your ears.
64
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:16,709
Well, I'm ashamed to admit it,
but you were too clever for that.
65
00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,459
But now… Pietro, you can unplug them.
66
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,459
Pietro, ears!
67
00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:23,793
Pietro!
68
00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:25,209
What a moron.
69
00:04:26,459 --> 00:04:28,293
What? Is it okay now?
70
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:34,418
Now that you're old and infirm,
it should be a breeze.
71
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:40,876
In honor of our long friendship,
I have a little gift for you.
72
00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:44,918
That's right. A time bomb!
73
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,501
Pietro will help you
mount it under your ass.
74
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:53,293
Well, it's been nice, but it's time
to blow your stupid face off.
75
00:04:54,584 --> 00:04:59,043
It's time for me to go.
See you in hell! Bye.
76
00:05:02,459 --> 00:05:04,876
First your legs and arms
By using cable ties
77
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:07,626
So that you don't
Get off this wheelchair somehow
78
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:12,959
Okay, now a gag for your mouth
so you don't call for help.
79
00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:16,876
And finally, the time bomb
set for 30 seconds.
80
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:18,751
Starting now.
81
00:05:19,626 --> 00:05:21,709
Goodbye, exorcist.
82
00:05:21,793 --> 00:05:23,543
Goodbye, legend.
83
00:05:23,626 --> 00:05:24,918
It's an honor for me.
84
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,876
Shit, 20 seconds!
Okay, I'm fucking going to hell. See ya!
85
00:05:31,043 --> 00:05:32,126
A-1.
86
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:34,584
I don't hear anything.
87
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:37,209
B-4.
88
00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:39,959
So cool! It's so exciting!
89
00:05:40,043 --> 00:05:41,501
I'm about to have bingo.
90
00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:44,626
I wish I had decided to stay
in this retirement home earlier.
91
00:05:44,709 --> 00:05:45,709
It's great here.
92
00:05:45,793 --> 00:05:47,709
-C-1.
-Oh, bi--
93
00:05:49,209 --> 00:05:52,459
Boner, you madman!
What are you doing? I had bingo!
94
00:05:57,209 --> 00:05:59,293
What? It's a bomb!
95
00:06:02,543 --> 00:06:05,543
SEWAGE DISPOSAL
517 517 517 517
96
00:06:06,293 --> 00:06:08,334
That was close.
97
00:06:10,293 --> 00:06:12,626
-What?
-Fucking hell!
98
00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:14,293
Ah, the cable tie.
99
00:06:14,376 --> 00:06:17,876
Thankfully, I still have
my crucifix-dagger.
100
00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:21,459
DELICIOUS VODKA
101
00:06:21,543 --> 00:06:25,001
It's a miracle
you still didn't die from all that booze.
102
00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:28,876
EXORCIST OFFICE /
RENOVATION CONSTRUCTION SERVICES DOMINO
103
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:30,876
What about him?
104
00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:33,126
Take the garbage to the recycle bin.
105
00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:36,834
But first, take out the atomic battery.
It's worth more than your salary.
106
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,376
And you know I pay you a lot.
107
00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:39,626
Cyberdemon.
108
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:42,293
What won't they come up with in hell?
109
00:06:43,126 --> 00:06:44,709
-No way.
-What happened?
110
00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:47,543
Someone sent me an MP3 file via GG.
111
00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:51,501
-Via what?
-Who in 2050 uses Gadu-Gadu?
112
00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:54,626
Fuck, Mieszko I
wants to contact me or something?
113
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:56,834
Don't open it, boss. It might be a trap.
114
00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:58,293
Trojan or something worse.
115
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:03,209
Relax, I may not show it,
but I can afford an antivirus.
116
00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:05,834
Dickheads, this is Bogdan Boner.
117
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:10,626
Belzedup somehow found out
where I'm staying.
118
00:07:10,709 --> 00:07:13,418
I managed to survive the first hit.
119
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:16,334
But I'm afraid it's not over yet.
120
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:18,668
I need your help.
121
00:07:18,751 --> 00:07:22,376
I'm at the Old But Gold retirement home.
122
00:07:22,459 --> 00:07:27,293
Help me.
Remember how much you owe me. I'm waiting.
123
00:07:27,376 --> 00:07:29,334
Oh no, on top of everything else.
124
00:07:29,418 --> 00:07:33,293
Now spend an hour and a half
on a bus from Mars to Earth.
125
00:07:33,376 --> 00:07:34,543
"You owe me," fuck.
126
00:07:34,626 --> 00:07:37,626
I owe him
having my top front teeth knocked out.
127
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,876
I'll block him, and the problem is over.
128
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,543
-Wait a second, boss.
-What?
129
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:43,626
It doesn't feel right to ignore him.
130
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:46,626
What if we need help when we're old?
131
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:49,876
I'm gonna regret this.
132
00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,334
Attention, virus detected!
133
00:07:52,418 --> 00:07:55,459
To eliminate the threat,
purchase a premium subscri…
134
00:08:08,876 --> 00:08:11,668
AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY
135
00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:14,293
LAUNDRY
136
00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:18,209
I underestimated you, old man.
137
00:08:18,293 --> 00:08:20,876
I don't know how you got away,
138
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:24,793
but it won't be that easy this time.
139
00:08:24,876 --> 00:08:30,209
I'll make sure myself
that the execution goes well.
140
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:34,168
Oh Jesus, I didn't get enough air.
141
00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:35,209
Look.
142
00:08:35,293 --> 00:08:37,876
Plasma bomb!
143
00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:41,209
When exploded,
it generates such a temperature
144
00:08:41,293 --> 00:08:46,293
that it'll even kill an immortal,
such as myself.
145
00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:48,459
But unfortunately for you,
146
00:08:48,543 --> 00:08:52,543
you'll be the one
holding that toy during the explosion.
147
00:08:52,626 --> 00:08:55,709
Excuse my boldness, Your Villainess,
148
00:08:55,793 --> 00:08:57,209
but we should hurry.
149
00:08:57,293 --> 00:08:59,126
Shut up, you bastard.
150
00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:02,459
It's up to me
to decide whether to rush or not.
151
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,459
And hurry up with that bomb.
152
00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:15,543
-It's ready. It'll explode soon.
-Perfect.
153
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:18,043
Record it. I want to remember this.
154
00:09:18,126 --> 00:09:20,293
What's that? Who the hell is coming?
155
00:09:21,709 --> 00:09:23,876
CHEAPBUS - 29.99 ZLOTY
EARTH-MARS
156
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,293
Thank you. Goodbye.
157
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:26,709
Fucking lords.
158
00:09:26,793 --> 00:09:29,709
The bus stop is half a kilometer away,
but they can't walk.
159
00:09:29,793 --> 00:09:31,626
Just "land or a punch in the face."
160
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,209
Long time no see, Mr. Bogdan.
Wait a minute.
161
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,501
Why are you tied up, sir?
162
00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:41,959
And why do you have this time bomb?
163
00:09:42,459 --> 00:09:44,459
Oh, shit. Marcin, it's a trap!
164
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:48,501
Shit. At a time like this…
Pietro, take care of this.
165
00:09:50,543 --> 00:09:51,376
Hey, son!
166
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,126
Leave that bomb. Is it yours?
167
00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,543
Boss, do your job. I'll take care of it.
168
00:09:57,126 --> 00:10:00,293
Oh, you son of a… Oh Jesus… Wait…
169
00:10:01,793 --> 00:10:03,959
I have to do everything myself!
170
00:10:05,626 --> 00:10:07,293
Give me the charge back!
171
00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:11,459
Now what, sucker?
172
00:10:16,418 --> 00:10:20,126
Domino, no!
173
00:10:21,709 --> 00:10:24,959
Oh! It wasn't me! Goodbye!
174
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,293
Thankfully, all ended well.
175
00:10:29,376 --> 00:10:31,959
You're welcome. It'll be 30,000.
176
00:10:32,043 --> 00:10:33,876
-How much?
-It's with an invoice.
177
00:10:33,959 --> 00:10:35,793
Plus all the outstanding salaries
178
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:37,209
with interest.
179
00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:44,918
And that's why I think the salaries
should be paid on time.
180
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:45,959
That's right.
181
00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,918
Sure, you don't owe me anything,
182
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,293
but I would also prefer
that it was on time.
183
00:10:50,376 --> 00:10:51,209
METROPOLITAN BEER
184
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,501
What did you say? Sorry, I took a nap.
185
00:10:53,584 --> 00:10:56,376
I was listening
until some Maks was writing on a watch.
186
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,543
-Weird.
-What happened?
187
00:11:00,626 --> 00:11:03,501
Mieszko I sent me an audio file.
188
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:06,293
I thought he had been dead for a while.
189
00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:08,876
Sire Boner, quickly!
190
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,584
It's no time for disquisition!
The land of the fathers is in a quagmire!
191
00:11:12,668 --> 00:11:16,001
Soon, an emissary
will come to you with news.
192
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,459
I await you in the gord of Gniezno.
193
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:19,543
Greetings!
194
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:27,251
What are you waiting for, morons?
195
00:11:27,334 --> 00:11:30,209
Get in the time machine.
The homeland calls.
196
00:11:30,709 --> 00:11:31,543
THE END
197
00:11:31,626 --> 00:11:33,584
Exorcist for less than 300
198
00:11:33,668 --> 00:11:36,834
Actually, it's 200
If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
199
00:11:36,918 --> 00:11:39,751
Watch it, Belzedup
You're gonna get your ass kicked
200
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:43,126
Watch it, Dupcyper
He's aiming at you
201
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,376
Subtitle translation by:
Agnieszka Czarnecka