A NETFLIX SERIES
Faster!
Please, hurry!
MAKS: WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE?!
ANSW: I'M ON MY WAY
MAKS: COME ON MAN
ANSW: BE RIGHT THERE. WAITING FOR A HOT DOG.
He's here somewhere.
Can you smell it, Luki?
That's what fear smells like.
I don't know. To me, it's just an ordinary fart.
As a matter of fact, they both smell the same.
Okay, you check the room, and I'll look in the kitchen.
It'd be easier with light.
I don't know why you broke all the lamps.
First of all, I like the effects.
And second, the dick will learn to save electricity.
-I got you, dickhead! -No!
You can scream. You're dead anyway.
What?
Mateo, what a scrooge. You're trampling on the hologram?
It's displayed in the air, you yahoo.
Yeah, right. You're a "homogram" yourself, damn.
You and your scientific superstitions. It's witchcraft.
Never mind.
I'll hold him, and you cut his head off with a machete.
Okay!
What?
Oh, fuck, Mateo. What an awesome knife.
You!
You may have an awesome knife, but you're no match for my machete…
Boss, it's done.
It was easier than I thought.
Perfect.
Make sure the client pays and return to the base.
-We have another job. -Yes, sir.
What do we have here?
Undeviling the apartment and saving a life.
That's 300.
Oh, man, that's a lot. I didn't know I was worth that much.
Undeviling is 300. Saving a life was for free, as a bonus.
How about no invoice, to make it cheaper?
I'm sorry. We don't do things like that.
B-3.
RETIREMENT HOME OLD BUT GOLD
A-4.
C-2.
Nothing? Let's keep drawing.
-B-2. -Bingo!
Bingo! Did you see that, Boner?
That's how you play!
And so, we have a winner. Natan wins once again.
The prize for this round is a urine bottle.
Cool! I was about to go to the toilet, and now, I don't have to.
NATIVE - CHEAP AND TASTY NOW FLAVORED
Boss, all clear.
Bogdan Boner.
I just hope the booze didn't burn out your brain
and you recognize your old "friends."
Shit…
You're probably wondering
why I didn't just kill you all these years.
Well… Pietro, plug your ears.
Well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but you were too clever for that.
But now… Pietro, you can unplug them.
Pietro, ears!
Pietro!
What a moron.
What? Is it okay now?
Now that you're old and infirm, it should be a breeze.
In honor of our long friendship, I have a little gift for you.
That's right. A time bomb!
Pietro will help you mount it under your ass.
Well, it's been nice, but it's time to blow your stupid face off.
It's time for me to go. See you in hell! Bye.
First your legs and arms By using cable ties
So that you don't Get off this wheelchair somehow
Okay, now a gag for your mouth so you don't call for help.
And finally, the time bomb set for 30 seconds.
Starting now.
Goodbye, exorcist.
Goodbye, legend.
It's an honor for me.
Shit, 20 seconds! Okay, I'm fucking going to hell. See ya!
A-1.
I don't hear anything.
B-4.
So cool! It's so exciting!
I'm about to have bingo.
I wish I had decided to stay in this retirement home earlier.
It's great here.
-C-1. -Oh, bi--
Boner, you madman! What are you doing? I had bingo!
What? It's a bomb!
SEWAGE DISPOSAL 517 517 517 517
That was close.
-What? -Fucking hell!
Ah, the cable tie.
Thankfully, I still have my crucifix-dagger.
DELICIOUS VODKA
It's a miracle you still didn't die from all that booze.
EXORCIST OFFICE / RENOVATION CONSTRUCTION SERVICES DOMINO
What about him?
Take the garbage to the recycle bin.
But first, take out the atomic battery. It's worth more than your salary.
And you know I pay you a lot.
Cyberdemon.
What won't they come up with in hell?
-No way. -What happened?
Someone sent me an MP3 file via GG.
-Via what? -Who in 2050 uses Gadu-Gadu?
Fuck, Mieszko I wants to contact me or something?
Don't open it, boss. It might be a trap.
Trojan or something worse.
Relax, I may not show it, but I can afford an antivirus.
Dickheads, this is Bogdan Boner.
Belzedup somehow found out where I'm staying.
I managed to survive the first hit.
But I'm afraid it's not over yet.
I need your help.
I'm at the Old But Gold retirement home.
Help me. Remember how much you owe me. I'm waiting.
Oh no, on top of everything else.
Now spend an hour and a half on a bus from Mars to Earth.
"You owe me," fuck.
I owe him having my top front teeth knocked out.
I'll block him, and the problem is over.
-Wait a second, boss. -What?
It doesn't feel right to ignore him.
What if we need help when we're old?
I'm gonna regret this.
Attention, virus detected!
To eliminate the threat, purchase a premium subscri…
AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY
LAUNDRY
I underestimated you, old man.
I don't know how you got away,
but it won't be that easy this time.
I'll make sure myself that the execution goes well.
Oh Jesus, I didn't get enough air.
Look.
Plasma bomb!
When exploded, it generates such a temperature
that it'll even kill an immortal, such as myself.
But unfortunately for you,
you'll be the one holding that toy during the explosion.
Excuse my boldness, Your Villainess,
but we should hurry.
Shut up, you bastard.
It's up to me to decide whether to rush or not.
And hurry up with that bomb.
-It's ready. It'll explode soon. -Perfect.
Record it. I want to remember this.
What's that? Who the hell is coming?
CHEAPBUS - 29.99 ZLOTY EARTH-MARS
Thank you. Goodbye.
Fucking lords.
The bus stop is half a kilometer away, but they can't walk.
Just "land or a punch in the face."
Long time no see, Mr. Bogdan. Wait a minute.
Why are you tied up, sir?
And why do you have this time bomb?
Oh, shit. Marcin, it's a trap!
Shit. At a time like this… Pietro, take care of this.
Hey, son!
Leave that bomb. Is it yours?
Boss, do your job. I'll take care of it.
Oh, you son of a… Oh Jesus… Wait…
I have to do everything myself!
Give me the charge back!
Now what, sucker?
Domino, no!
Oh! It wasn't me! Goodbye!
Thankfully, all ended well.
You're welcome. It'll be 30,000.
-How much? -It's with an invoice.
Plus all the outstanding salaries
with interest.
And that's why I think the salaries should be paid on time.
That's right.
Sure, you don't owe me anything,
but I would also prefer that it was on time.
METROPOLITAN BEER
What did you say? Sorry, I took a nap.
I was listening until some Maks was writing on a watch.
-Weird. -What happened?
Mieszko I sent me an audio file.
I thought he had been dead for a while.
Sire Boner, quickly!
It's no time for disquisition! The land of the fathers is in a quagmire!
Soon, an emissary will come to you with news.
I await you in the gord of Gniezno.
Greetings!
What are you waiting for, morons?
Get in the time machine. The homeland calls.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Czarnecka