1
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NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

2
00:00:19,876 --> 00:00:22,709
THE POSSESSED

3
00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:25,376
It's here. Take your shit and let's go.

4
00:00:26,501 --> 00:00:28,959
I feel creepy when I enter
places like this one.

5
00:00:29,043 --> 00:00:31,709
I sort of desensitized myself
from this holy crap,

6
00:00:31,793 --> 00:00:33,918
but a slight discomfort is still there.

7
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,876
As if a pedophile entered a senior home.

8
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:40,626
If you don't shut up, you'll feel
my foot entering your ass.

9
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:43,168
Come on, boss. Chill out-- Ouch!

10
00:00:50,334 --> 00:00:52,668
I feel fine. Look, no runny nose.

11
00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:57,084
And I was sure I'd need some nose spray.

12
00:00:57,168 --> 00:00:59,209
Stay put, Domino, it's holy water!

13
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,918
Are you crazy?

14
00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:05,876
Wait... No itching, no rash.

15
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,876
I did pee in my pants
but that's because of fear.

16
00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:11,626
Hooray, I can resist it. Ouch.

17
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:17,959
Hello, father Matthew,
the construction crew is here!

18
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:21,959
Something isn't right here.
There is no cross.

19
00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:23,626
They took it down for painting.

20
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,293
Look at the mark on the wall, boss.

21
00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:29,709
You're right.

22
00:01:30,668 --> 00:01:32,209
We better wait outside.

23
00:01:39,043 --> 00:01:40,793
It's an ambush!

24
00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:43,251
How do you know, genius?

25
00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:46,043
'Cause you're about to die!

26
00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:49,459
Prince Matthew, is this you?

27
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,501
In the flesh only
but the spirit of a moron

28
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:56,376
has been replaced
by the spirit of an idiot.

29
00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:57,626
Why?

30
00:01:57,709 --> 00:02:02,793
In the eternal fight between
good and evil there are no winners,

31
00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:08,043
though Satan is winning by points
since his are the away games.

32
00:02:08,126 --> 00:02:11,376
Get ready to die, bunch of condoms!

33
00:02:12,126 --> 00:02:16,376
Oh shit, we're not armed. Retreat!

34
00:02:19,334 --> 00:02:22,293
Why didn't you bring your gun?

35
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:25,459
Do you bring flowers
when you come to a whorehouse?

36
00:02:25,543 --> 00:02:26,918
Wait, I've got an idea!

37
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:31,043
Why don't you embrace the major attack
while I take him out by surprise.

38
00:02:31,126 --> 00:02:32,459
As you order!

39
00:02:36,876 --> 00:02:40,126
WHITE LADY

40
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:47,001
Shoot that machine gun
as if it was your weenie.

41
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:50,418
Bam, bam! And the ammo's over!

42
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:53,209
OK, no more love making!

43
00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:54,751
Good bye!

44
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:55,709
Jesus!

45
00:03:04,168 --> 00:03:05,709
Run away...

46
00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:08,793
Forget it, little devil. You've lost.

47
00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:11,376
Boner, it's me... Matthew...

48
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:15,001
Mati? Wait? Where's the demon?

49
00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:18,209
I'm here, loser!

50
00:03:22,418 --> 00:03:24,501
Take it easy, boss.

51
00:03:24,584 --> 00:03:26,001
You don't have to kill us.

52
00:03:26,084 --> 00:03:29,668
If you spare us, I'll give up
that last raise you gave me!

53
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:33,293
Yeah, me too.
Though I'd have to get one first.

54
00:03:33,376 --> 00:03:37,251
I'll be better off
if I just bludgeon you all to death!

55
00:03:38,543 --> 00:03:41,209
Follow me, Marcin, I've got an idea!

56
00:03:41,293 --> 00:03:43,334
What is it?

57
00:03:43,418 --> 00:03:45,209
We'll pretend to be sheep!

58
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:48,293
They're protected so he can't kill us!

59
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:49,459
Moron!

60
00:03:52,626 --> 00:03:55,293
Let's hide in the privy!

61
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:04,543
Stupid rams. Rams are not protected!

62
00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:08,376
Off it flies like a soy burger
to the dumpster!

63
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:12,709
Shit, I didn't expect that.

64
00:04:13,293 --> 00:04:15,793
Come on, Domino. It's our last chance!

65
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,209
You made a mistake.

66
00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:22,918
I was just gonna kill you,

67
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:26,626
but you're getting your ass kicked
for the truck, too.

68
00:04:29,709 --> 00:04:35,709
May this speed inflating speed radar
feed generously this town's treasury

69
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:39,668
in exchange for which the town
won't forget to support our church.

70
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,876
In the name of the Father, the Son...

71
00:04:45,543 --> 00:04:47,293
-Hello.
-Devil!

72
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:49,626
Father, please...

73
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,543
Please, shut up!

74
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:54,293
It's a sin to interrupt a holy rite!

75
00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:56,376
And what is this other dork doing here?

76
00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:59,293
He flushed out my customers.
Luckily they already paid.

77
00:04:59,376 --> 00:05:02,209
Sorry, it's urgent.
The boss got possessed!

78
00:05:02,293 --> 00:05:05,584
He had it coming.

79
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:08,793
That's what happens
when an amateur takes on a priest's job.

80
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,376
-Who possessed him?
-Don't know.

81
00:05:10,459 --> 00:05:13,459
Some reddish, with fish-scale
skin and a horn on his forehead.

82
00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:18,209
The unicockhorn! You should
start looking for a new job then.

83
00:05:18,293 --> 00:05:21,459
There's really no way
to defeat the unicockhorn?

84
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:23,459
Yes, a bullet to the head.

85
00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:26,543
Boner's head, of course,
so that the demon dies along.

86
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:27,876
But how?

87
00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:33,209
What about exorcisms? We'll pay. I mean
the boss will pay when he gets better.

88
00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:38,293
Sorry, boys, but I'm not qualified
to run exorcisms on unicockhorns.

89
00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:40,959
This is the mightiest of demons.

90
00:05:41,043 --> 00:05:47,293
There's only one person in the world
who can expel a unicockhorn from a body,

91
00:05:47,376 --> 00:05:50,001
but I doubt he's available
and even if he is,

92
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:52,918
there is no certainty
it will actually work.

93
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:57,751
But firstly I can make a phone call
so people won't say I didn't try.

94
00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:02,126
Sorry. The line's busy.

95
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:09,751
A bottle to stay
and nobody's gonna get hurt.

96
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:12,459
Here. 18.50.

97
00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:13,876
Put it on my tab.

98
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,251
-I'm afraid I can't.
-Are you?

99
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,334
Next time do what I say
and you'll get to keep your teeth!

100
00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:23,209
What's up losers?
Get out! The store's closed!

101
00:06:23,876 --> 00:06:25,501
Let's run. He's a psycho!

102
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:27,418
Wait, Andrzej. I left my wine.

103
00:06:27,501 --> 00:06:30,543
Come on, Krzychu, save your life!

104
00:06:31,584 --> 00:06:34,501
Jesus, this stuff is so good.

105
00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:37,376
Why didn't I figure it out earlier?

106
00:06:37,459 --> 00:06:39,959
I could've been drinking
back in pre-school.

107
00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:48,751
Wait, Juras. We actually
have the same kind of needs.

108
00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:52,251
I'd do the same thing in that store.

109
00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:55,293
You didn't have to possess me
nor tie me up.

110
00:06:55,376 --> 00:06:58,501
-Shut up or I'll punch you.
-Like you didn't get hit.

111
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:03,959
You were lucky to take me by surprise
or you'd be down here, all tied up.

112
00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:06,751
Who cares about the style.
It's the score that counts.

113
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:09,626
It's true, I do root
for the German national team,

114
00:07:09,709 --> 00:07:13,126
but shut up now 'cause I need to focus.

115
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:16,334
Let's call the boss. What's his number?

116
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:20,626
Area code +666

117
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:27,251
and then 666 66... 7...

118
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:30,876
Hello, good morning,
your motherfuckerness.

119
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,876
It's special agent Jerzy Nać.

120
00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:35,709
I report the mission
has been fucking accomplished!

121
00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:38,209
Really? You've possessed Boner!

122
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:42,001
I sure did. I'm sending you
a pic right now.

123
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,918
Excellent!

124
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:54,668
-Waiting for your orders.
-OK, Juras. Get some paper and take notes!

125
00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,626
One sec. OK.

126
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,084
Go do evil!

127
00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:01,376
Go... Shit, How do you spell it?

128
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:06,293
Go... do... evil...

129
00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:07,668
Done.

130
00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:10,751
-What's that noise?
-It's just the cops.

131
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:13,876
So it's your chance to shine. See you.

132
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:20,043
Attention, it's the police. Come out
with your hands above your head.

133
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:24,626
You're surrounded. You can't escape.

134
00:08:28,626 --> 00:08:32,959
I can't believe it. He's coming out.
It must've been my serious voice.

135
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:40,709
Damn it. Brand new patrol cars,
only a few years old. Retreat!

136
00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:43,043
Yeah, keep running!

137
00:08:43,709 --> 00:08:46,834
OK, good. Got some liquor, time for a keb.

138
00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:48,126
Off we go!

139
00:08:49,334 --> 00:08:53,293
Here you are. Two mega hot on thick,
no charge of course!

140
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:55,376
Oh, no, tell me how much!

141
00:08:55,459 --> 00:08:58,293
-I'm serious. It's on the house.
-Say, how much!

142
00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,043
-28 zloty!
-You must be dreaming!

143
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:07,584
This city is mine!

144
00:09:07,668 --> 00:09:09,626
Are you sure?

145
00:09:11,126 --> 00:09:13,043
Motherfucker, papacopter!

146
00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:19,793
Hello, unicockhorn. And farewell!

147
00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:23,043
Blazing holy water all over the place!

148
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:28,209
Father, you need to try harder!

149
00:09:28,918 --> 00:09:30,668
Try to block this!

150
00:09:33,459 --> 00:09:34,543
Oh, shit!

151
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:40,876
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Spirit!

152
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:42,584
Oh, shit, block!

153
00:09:42,668 --> 00:09:44,376
Secret punch, wait, how did it go?

154
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,126
Up, up, down, high punch!

155
00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,126
I can't see!

156
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:03,376
Relax, soon you will see...
light at the end of the tunnel!

157
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:07,793
Easy stuff, like in the tutorial!

158
00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:17,459
And the fatality with a dumpster!

159
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:26,959
[in Latin] In the name of Jesus Christ!
Leave this body, demon!

160
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:31,293
Television sucks, Netflix rules!

161
00:10:31,376 --> 00:10:33,418
Go fuck yourself, you deepshit loser.

162
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:35,959
He wasted two sandwiches
like some sort of a jerk.

163
00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:38,459
And they were both on me. Get off me!

164
00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:42,043
You're dead!

165
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,793
Victory!

166
00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:48,293
This is what I needed.

167
00:10:48,376 --> 00:10:51,709
Office work has its advantages,
but it feels really good

168
00:10:51,793 --> 00:10:56,293
to be out on the street and kick some ass.
Like in the catholic seminary.

169
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,043
So, would you care to come in for a drink?

170
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:03,668
With pleasure, but let's have
a short video chat first.

171
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,376
-What's up, Juras?
-Not good, boss...

172
00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:14,626
Wait, why aren't you inside
this asshole's body?

173
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,084
It wasn't comfortable
for both of us.

174
00:11:18,168 --> 00:11:21,543
Not enough room inside this brain.

175
00:11:24,376 --> 00:11:31,376
Boner! It isn't over yet!

176
00:11:31,459 --> 00:11:34,584
THE END