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NETFLIX 影集

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劇名：梅什科王子的戰隊

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哈囉，諾約米

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我帶幫手回來了

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準備上馬，我們有很長的路要走

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馬匹已經準備好了，我去牽過來

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天啊，這裡是什麼地方？

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這惡魔的機器把我們傳送到哪了？

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首先，這不是惡魔的機器

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因為它產自聖地梵蒂岡

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地球上只有這一台

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別問我租金多少，因為就算你知道

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你也不會相信

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第二

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別問這裡是“何處”

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重點是“何時”

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我們仍在同一個地點

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勃納，這穀倉就是你辦公室的位置

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經過一千年以後

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-什麼？
-我們回到了過去

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這幾天波蘭的基督教化就會發生

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但黑暗勢力想阻擾梅什科王子的計畫

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基督教化？關我屁事，那是你的喜好

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我還比較支持異教習俗

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抱歉，那坦

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但我沒有理由幫你

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這裡是十個讓你幫忙的黃金理由

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任務結束後再給你一半

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十元？你也許沒聽說

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我的日薪是200元

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開發票還要加錢，你這個白痴

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那些硬幣可是真金

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每一個都價值連城

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你這個白痴

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我該如何幫忙？

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您的馬來了，大人

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謝謝您

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我發財了！終於能出去喝一杯！

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出發前往首都！

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我希望你們的屁股夠結實

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我們得在馬鞍上待好幾天

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從皮亞塞奇諾騎到華沙要那麼久嗎？

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現在可是966年

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格涅兹诺才是波蘭的首都，笨蛋

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攻擊！不要猶豫！

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只要擊中王位的擁護者
就算是不小心的

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也可以獲得踹屁股獎賞！

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不然我就打爆你們的頭！

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穆希涅夫，你聽到了嗎？

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有啊，我一定會得獎！

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我就知道！

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糟糕，茲沃斯瓦夫，對不起！

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我技術很差，還以為只要瞄準你

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我就會射歪，打到城牆上的那些人

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事情正是如此

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我射到自己了

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該死的白痴

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你說什麼？

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別緊張，穆希涅夫，我是指我自己

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早知道我就留在廚房做事

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那裡最糟糕的狀況

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頂多是再次掉進肥料鍋中而已

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真香

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可惡，越來越多的叛軍

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您在擔心什麼？王位不可能被奪走

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他們實在太蠢了，我們很安全

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儘管無法攻入城牆
他們切斷了我們的糧食和水源

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再這樣下去，我們會餓死

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或是更慘

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無聊致死

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再說，捷克主教無法前來
基督化我和這個國家

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少了這個步驟
我就無法求助於多布拉娃

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-她的援手？
-她的屁股！

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我可以用自己的手

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也許是時候該釋放

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阿列圖斯了

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格列瓦波夫，你的腦袋被掉包了嗎？

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那樣我們也都會死

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天啊，這裡簡直一團混戰！

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城門尚未被攻下，還算不錯

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他們為何不走地獄之門
要像鼴鼠般從地底下爬出？

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因為地獄之門是納粹於1943年的發明

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在十世紀，黑暗王國比波蘭還要落後

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接下來我們用走的

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你比達米樂還笨，我們要怎麼通過？

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我們四個能殺多少人？兩百？三百？

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如果我告訴你

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我們不必殺任何人呢？

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王子殿下！

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敵人捎來的訊息

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拿走，他又看不懂

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就算我七歲前都失明
也不代表我是文盲！

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但您不識字，王子殿下

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更別說寫字了

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那不是失明的錯！

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我只是在某些領域上更有天賦

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某些沒有而已

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格列瓦波夫，你快朗讀

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這封信也許很重要

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“你…”

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後面我看不懂，我不認得這個字

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我看看

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（你是白癡）

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可惡！

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有傢伙從糞坑爬進來了！

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-何方神聖？
-參見王子殿下

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請您放輕鬆，我們是同夥

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媽媽咪呀！那小子長得真醜

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他雖然長得不討喜

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但很蠢喔！

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我是指另外那位

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立刻說出你們的目的！

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-不然就把你們的老二都剪掉！
-那也沒多少

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傳聞你把阿列圖斯
關在地牢裡，是真的嗎？

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-你怎麼知道？
-王子殿下，他們是江湖術士

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借我一下

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你要感謝我尚未受洗

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不然你會因散播謠言被處刑

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如果傳聞是真的，我們一定會獲勝

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跟我過來

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-牠在那裡
-所以傳聞是真的

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牠真的存在

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天啊，牠是天使嗎？

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更厲害

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牠好美

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並且同樣危險

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所以牠才被關在牢裡
只要一逃脫，我們都死定了

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如果我知道該如何馴服牠呢？

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你要感謝我尚未受洗

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不然你會因散播謠言被處刑！

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我們要怎麼做才能馴服牠？

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該如何訓練他人為你效力？

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打一百大板！

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沒錯，正確答案！

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我有更好的辦法

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你只需要提供績效獎勵

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什麼爛方法？是要給錢了事嗎？

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牠需要的不是錢

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你們覺得是什麼？

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-王冠？
-賓果！

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魔法的王冠

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我們需要一位女巫

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勃納，這就是你的任務

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我們要上哪找女巫？

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況且因為基督化儀式，她們都離開了

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達米樂，如果是你會躲去哪裡？

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我會找個小酒館附近

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就能以垃圾為生

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不過女巫都吃蟲和兩棲動物

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所以她們必須尋找遠離人群

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又有很多蟲的地方

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那就是沼澤，動作快！

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停！

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想進入沼澤的人，都得解謎

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不然就得見識這把斧頭的厲害！

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地精，別擋路

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不然你就會見識到這些馬蹄的厲害！

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首先，我不是地精而是小矮人

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其實很容易分辨，因為地精更加聰明

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第二，這是我的魔法斧頭
給你們最初也是最後的忠告！

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施展魔法！

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這下麻煩大了

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沒錯，你們無法輕易走出這個麻煩

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那我要出題了，如果能猜對

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我就放你們走

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但如果猜錯就大難臨頭

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你們準備好了嗎？

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-等等…
-猜一種生物

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早上用三條腿走路，下午兩條

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晚上又變成四條

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人類！不，等等

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老人走路都拿拐杖，在晚上也是

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所以一定不是人類

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答案是男人

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為什麼？

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早上宿醉，所以用三條腿爬行
並用剩下的手找解酒藥

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下午酒醒後，就用兩條腿走路

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如果夜晚很美好，就會變回四隻腳

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我的大鬍子佩佩，你怎麼會知道？

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居然被打敗了，我受不了這種恥辱！

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地精，別這樣！

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如果失敗是世界末日

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那我一出生就該自盡

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天啊！別只是坐著，快來幫我！

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可惡，他好重！

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老大救命

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這矮子重達一百公斤

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謝謝你們，我也不知道我怎麼了

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也許是被酒精影響

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或是被酒精影響

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你們可以走了，我會好好休息

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再見了，愚蠢的矮人！

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我也許不是最聰明的

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但我的精明絕對值得嘉許

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我可是故意出簡單的題目

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看到了沒？下馬！

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哇，她還不錯耶

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不錯？她是我這輩子見過最美的女人

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等等，我先從窗戶觀察一下

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天啊！

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這就是為何我們上小號應該坐著

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上大號才該站著

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好，狀況評估完畢

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我們可以進去了

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是誰膽敢闖進我的沼澤？

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冷靜點，小甜心

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我們只是想請妳用魔法
客製一下這頂王冠

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王冠？

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我可以幫忙處理

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但你們之中要有人能滿足我

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那個怪胎除外，你們兩個擇一

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可惡，那我剛剛幹嘛打手槍？

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妳可以等我15分鐘嗎？

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不可以！

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好，我試試看

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你不如用那根廢肢去趕豬！

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只剩下那小子了

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不行，我對瑪莉歐拉很忠誠

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00:11:31,876 --> 00:11:33,293
那就拉倒

220
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:37,418
馬辛，別用腦袋思考

221
00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:38,793
要用你的…

222
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:40,459
-心嗎？
-不…

223
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,459
老二

224
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,626
統領大人，我們就快攻破城門了

225
00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,168
完美

226
00:11:55,251 --> 00:11:57,584
我要在此地打造我的宮殿

227
00:11:57,668 --> 00:11:59,709
我受夠像蟲子一樣住在地下了

228
00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:03,793
王子殿下，我們快輸了
現在該舉白旗投降嗎？

229
00:12:03,876 --> 00:12:07,376
馬沃米斯，你說的是什麼屁話？

230
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,959
寧為玉碎，不為瓦全！

231
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:13,543
你說了算，王子殿下

232
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:14,793
你們這些鼠輩！

233
00:12:14,876 --> 00:12:16,918
勃納，你這個豬頭

234
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:19,209
太讓人失望了！

235
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:24,376
老大我搆不著，把手伸給我！

236
00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:26,793
沒時間了，你們在地下等我

237
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:29,209
地下，真是個該死的好地方

238
00:12:29,293 --> 00:12:31,584
很棒耶，我要當忍者龜

239
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,709
那你呢？

240
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,876
史普林特如何？順便教我空手道吧！

241
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:37,376
太好了，那間有窗戶的

242
00:12:37,459 --> 00:12:38,709
就是我的房間

243
00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:41,376
我要在下面蓋一個豬圈

244
00:12:41,459 --> 00:12:44,293
然後高塔那邊也是

245
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,709
再蓋另一個，我好喜歡豬豬

246
00:12:49,626 --> 00:12:50,959
那是什麼？

247
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:04,626
該死的背叛者，該死的守護神！

248
00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:07,376
媽媽咪呀，這是怎麼回事？

249
00:13:07,459 --> 00:13:09,876
老大，我不想造成恐慌，但是…

250
00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:12,459
我們快逃離這裡吧！

251
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,543
阿列圖斯！牠在幫我們！

252
00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:19,626
他趕上了！

253
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:22,334
只需要在最後一刻動點手腳

254
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:24,376
就能省下好幾千個保險套

255
00:13:24,459 --> 00:13:27,084
-那是什麼？
-男性用品，那不重要

256
00:13:27,584 --> 00:13:30,126
謝了，阿列圖斯！

257
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:33,209
各位再見了

258
00:13:33,293 --> 00:13:34,543
不管發生什麼事

259
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:35,668
都別怪我！

260
00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:46,918
統領大人別擔心，沼澤中有個女巫

261
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:48,876
她會幫助我們回地獄

262
00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:49,959
停！

263
00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:54,459
想進入沼澤的人，都得解謎

264
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:57,043
猜一種生物，早上用三條腿走路

265
00:13:57,126 --> 00:13:59,709
下午兩條，晚上又變成四條

266
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,043
男人？

267
00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:03,293
我居然被打敗了！

268
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,293
我受不了這種恥辱！

269
00:14:07,543 --> 00:14:09,376
哪來的白痴，請往這邊

270
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:11,376
可惡，你們要去哪裡？

271
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,084
自盡只是個玩笑

272
00:14:13,168 --> 00:14:15,959
我沒辦法自己解開，繩子打了死結

273
00:14:16,668 --> 00:14:17,543
救命啊

274
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:20,959
（結束）

275
00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:23,001
不到300元就能驅魔

276
00:14:23,084 --> 00:14:26,209
其實只要200元，開發票才會多收錢

277
00:14:26,293 --> 00:14:29,209
小心點，惡魔統領，他將來踹你屁股

278
00:14:29,293 --> 00:14:32,584
小心點，巴特西法，下個目標就是你

279
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,043
字幕翻譯：樓艾苓