A NETFLIX SERIES
STERCUS AGRICULTURAL MACHINERY FACTORY
Romek, wake up!
-What happened? -I went to the liquor store.
You want to drink today of all days?
We always drink on duty.
But tonight is special.
It's starting again.
NATIVE 100%
-Remember the plan? -Not at all.
Very well. That's what you need to do.
Stay here and wait.
-Boguś. -What?
Don't fuck this up.
You're the one making so much noise. Shoo!
What's up? Shoo! Just go! Shoo!
You're not scared of me?
There's something or someone here who you think is scarier than me.
Who are you? What do you want?
First, I want to scare you to death.
And when you're dead, I want to take your soul.
-To hell? -For trade!
Wait, is it me, or did you just shit yourself?
-Yes. -That was lame.
You're supposed to die of a heart attack.
What? Wasn't I scary enough?
Then, how about this?
You son of a bitch!
What's wrong? Why aren't you dying?
It's your turn first, you freak.
No! What did you do to Krzychu?
He owed me a lot of money!
You will suffer a well-deserved punishment for this.
Wow, a 20! That's more than what Krzychu owed me.
Okay, let's say we're even. I'll kill you with no hard feelings.
It's gonna take a while. I need more venom.
Okay, got it. Say goodbye to your life.
-Ouch! -Oh, pardon.
Boguś, you saved us!
By accident. I've run out of booze, so I'm taking the forklift to the station.
What's that smell?
It's a secret. I can only tell you that Roman is a great actor.
Okay. The factory's clean. You should be fine for now.
And I need to think about getting an assistant
so that no eyesore creeps up on me from behind again.
No, not a penny.
Why should I pay you when it's cheaper not to pay?
Because I'll quit. There's better offers for people with my education.
Marcinek, you have no education.
Exactly. There you go, you name it.
A flyer distributor, a seat belt tester,
an exorcist's helper, a swineherd, a matrimonial fraudster.
Wait! A matrimonial fraudster!
That could be interesting.
Marcin, you have a girlfriend.
Right, so that's out.
An exorcist's helper?
What exorcist?
Doesn't say. I'll do the interview and find out.
Just try.
Then pay me all the outstanding salaries.
Don't make me laugh. "Outstanding salaries."
What else? Maybe a raise?
Right, a raise.
Two weeks off a year and social security.
Enough is enough. He'll miss me.
He'll beg me to come back.
"Marcinek, come back, please! I'll give you a company car."
"And a phone. And… a gym membership card."
And then I'll say, "And casual Fridays."
And he'll reply, "You can take a casual shit."
And only then he'll bite his tongue. But then, it'll be too late.
Is there a problem?
You could dress, Radek.
Damn, I'd take a side grinder and cut off this flab.
You look like you lost a bet.
First of all, fuck you, and second of all, fuck off.
Chicks dig that.
Chicks dig money.
Chill, when we sell these catalytic converters,
we won't be able to get rid of chicks.
Yeah. Okay, take it to hell. More won't fit in.
I'll cut out the next one.
And get dressed. If someone catches us, they'll die laughing.
I don't need a corpse here.
Here it goes. Goodbye, poverty.
You beautiful temptress.
I'm gonna miss you.
What's wrong? Don't tell me they cut off the electricity again.
She's not backing off.
Hi there.
Man, are you crazy? Do you know how much this cable cost me?
My nerves? In the store?
Wondering if the security guy saw it under my sweater?
You're going to face the devil's wrath!
I'll kill you!
Miras, no!
Damn, I'm out of cross daggers.
Fuck you, you fuck.
Hands up, you thief!
Well, Marcin, I have to admit it was clever.
I think we'll make a great team.
Of course, boss.
Domino, you are the dumbest creature on Earth!
Of course, boss.
But I set up a snare pretty well, since you got caught.
I'll fucking hit you in your head.
Cut me down, now!
How? It's a wire rope.
Besides, it's too late for games. They're here.
Damn it! Domino, get the gun from the truck.
-Fuck, let's attack! -That bastard is screwed.
Stop. Michał, Kleofas, stop.
-What's wrong? -What did I say about swearing?
Chill, Kamil, everyone says it.
And "fuck" is not a swear word. It's a thing you do.
-I meant "screwed." -Swear word.
-Fuck, I was giving an example. -Swear word.
You idiot, I meant the thing we do with the nice lady we go to.
Is an AK okay? I think I forgot to pack a gun.
Whatever. Give it to me. They're coming.
Damn, what a recoil! Domino, hide, or you'll get hit!
Thanks for the warning.
Jesus Christ, we're all gonna die here!
We got tempted by easy money, but life is worth much more!
Depends whose life, Kamilek. Mine is worth shit,
like mushrooms in a purchasing center.
Then go and take his gun!
Whatever you say!
Done. What now?
Shoot him.
Damn, what a recoil!
Uh-oh!
Okay, it was nice, but…
Goodbye.
What's happening? Why did I hear gunshots?
Chill, Mr. Oślica.
It was tough, but your mushrooms are safe.
Man, who did you switch heads with?
-My hall is across the street. -What?
Domino, how did you check the address?
I didn't.
Damn it. When Walasik sees us in his mushroom hall,
he'll kick our teeth out with the legs ripped off our asses.
Let's get out of here before it's too late.
It's too late.
Those who dare to enter the treasury of the Mushroom King
will die a horrible death!
Walasik! Don't shoot! It's me, Oślica!
I know who you are! You think I don't recognize your stupid face?
"Mushroom King," my ass. If he's a king, I'm an ace.
Or a joker.
He's gonna kill us. Walasik, come to your senses!
I'll let you live if you tell me how you sell more than me.
Not in this life!
Then you won't enjoy it for much longer.
My first-class mushroom. Ripe, white, doesn't even need washing.
But no, all of Lublin goes to Oślica every morning
to buy several containers.
Okay! Don't shoot! I'll tell you!
-Well? -I grow the shitty kind on purpose.
Third-class.
As if! There's no such class.
There is in my hall. I have it.
My method doesn't require any cultivation.
They grow however they like.
Half of them rot, half gets worm-eaten.
What is the best variety for gastronomy,
the wholesale customers?
Champignon, I think.
Champignon, my ass. The cheapest is the best.
And I have it.
So what if I sell it cheaper when growing costs are nothing?
You invest four zlotys to earn five.
I earn 250 on a kilogram.
But I invest nothing.
Sometimes I even earn on the growing alone,
since cesspit's cheaper than catchment.
-Cesspit? -You gotta water the mycelium.
Right. Don't you need a partner, Rysiu?
If you do, I'm also keen.
I don't know.
I wouldn't shoot you anymore.
Even drunk.
What the hell! Partners!
But only with Walasik, as he's got background.
Thanks, boss. What's the plan?
First of all, don't use water.
-You need equal quality. -And second of all?
And second of all, settle up with this gentleman.
-Two hundred. -Of course.
Didn't I tell you? We can do it alone.
Here you are, the keys.
I think we'll have to apologize to Marcinek.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Żurek