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NETFLIX 影集

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（司特克斯，農業機械工廠）

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劇名：驅魔師助理

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（警衛）

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羅枚克，醒醒！

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發生什麼事？

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我去了一趟菸酒行

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天啊，你連今天也想喝酒？

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我們每天都在值勤時喝酒啊

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但今晚不一樣

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又開始了

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（烈酒，100%）

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-記得我們的計畫嗎？
-完全不記得

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很好

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那就是你的責任

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在這裡等著

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-波谷許
-幹嘛？

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別搞砸了

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原來是你發出的聲音，走開！

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怎麼了？

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走開！我叫你走開！

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你不怕我？

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這代表你覺得附近有東西
或是有誰比我更可怕

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你是誰？你想幹嘛？

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首先，我想把你嚇死

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你死了以後

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我打算奪走你的靈魂

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-帶去地獄嗎？
-帶去做交易！

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等等，我看錯了嗎？

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你被嚇到拉屎？

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-對
-太遜了

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你應該要死於心髒病

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怎麼，我不夠可怕嗎？

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那就看看這招

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你這個混蛋！

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怎麼了？

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你為什麼嚇不死？

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你先來吧，怪胎！

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不！你對奎奇做了什麼？

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他還欠我很多錢！

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你們必須因此受到殘酷的懲罰

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哇，20元！

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那是奎奇欠我的好幾倍

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好吧，那我們扯平了

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我可以讓你們平靜的死去

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但會花點時間，我需要更多毒液

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好，可以了

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跟你們的生命道別吧

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-好痛！
-對不起

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波谷許，你救了我們！

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真是意外

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我的酒喝完了
所以想開推高機去補貨

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天啊，這是什麼味道？

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那是秘密，我只能說

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羅枚克是位很棒的演員

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好，現在工廠乾淨了

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你們暫時很安全

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至於我，好像該考慮請個助理

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以防又被惡魔從背後突襲

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不，我不要

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既然不付比較划算

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我為何要付你錢？

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因為我會離職

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我的教育程度有很多工作機會

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馬辛，你沒受過教育

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沒錯，讓我證明給你看

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傳單派送員、安全帶測試員

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驅魔師助理、豬圈管家、婚姻詐欺師

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等等，婚姻詐欺師！

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聽起來很有趣

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馬辛，你有女友了

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說的也是，那淘汰

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驅魔師助理呢？

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哪個驅魔師？

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沒有註明，我去面試看看好了

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你試試看

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那就把積欠的薪水都拿來！

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你別逗我笑

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“積欠的薪水”

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你還想要什麼？加薪嗎？

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對，加薪！

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一年兩週休假

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也要保險

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我真的受夠了

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他會發現我多重要

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他會求我回來

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“馬辛，拜託你回來！
我會給你一輛公司車

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一台公務手機，還有…

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健身房會員卡”

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然後我會說：“還有週五在家上班”

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他會回答：“你可以在家慢慢拉屎”

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那時他才後悔莫及

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因為一切都太遲了

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有何貴幹？

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拉德克，你怎麼不穿衣服？

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可惡，我好想拿砂輪機
幫你把那裡切掉

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你看起來就像打賭輸了

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首先，去你的

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第二，去你的

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女孩子喜歡就好

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女孩子喜歡錢

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冷靜，等我們賣掉這些觸媒轉換器

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女孩子都會追著我們跑

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對，好吧

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把這些先送去地獄，裝不下了

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我去處理下一台

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記得穿上衣服

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如果被人類發現，他們會爆笑致死

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我才不想處理屍體

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準備開始

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再見了，貧窮

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你這個小壞蛋

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我會想你的

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怎麼了？

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該不會又被斷電了吧？

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貧窮果然不輕易退位

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你好

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天啊，你瘋了嗎？

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你知道我為這條線付出了多少嗎？

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一堆神經細胞！在賣場裡緊張兮兮

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生怕保全發現它被藏在我的毛衣底下

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你得見識一下惡魔的憤怒！

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我要殺了你！

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米拉斯，不！

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可惡，我的十字匕首用完了

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你這該死的傢伙

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手舉起來，你這個小偷！

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馬辛，我得承認你的方法不錯

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我想我們可以合作愉快

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我很樂意，老闆

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達米樂，你是地球上最蠢的生物！

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那當然，老大

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不過我很擅長設圈套

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畢竟抓到你了

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別忘記我很擅長打爆你的頭

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立刻放開我！

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怎麼辦？我用的是鋼索

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況且我們沒時間玩鬧

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他們已經來了

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糟糕，達米樂，快去車上拿槍！

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幹，攻擊他！

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這傢伙完蛋了

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住手…麥柯爾、克洛法斯，先停下來

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-怎麼了？
-我說過不能使用不雅言語

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拜託，卡米爾，大家都在用

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更何況“幹”也不是髒話，是一種行為

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-我是指“完蛋了”
-你說髒話！

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-幹，我只是舉例
-你說髒話！

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你這個白痴，我是指
和美麗少女一起做運動

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步槍可以嗎？

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我好像沒準備到手槍

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隨便，把槍給我，他們要打來了

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天啊，後座力好強！
達米樂快躲起來，不然你會被打到

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謝謝你的警告

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我的天啊，我們都會死在這裡！

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我們被金錢蒙蔽了雙眼
生命其實更有價值！

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也要看是誰的命，卡米爾

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我的就不太值錢

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頂多和量販店裡的蘑菇差不多

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那你快去拿下他的槍！

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就聽你的

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拿到了，現在怎麼辦？

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射殺他

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天啊，後座力好強！

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糟糕

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好，這樣也不錯，不過…

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再見

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怎麼回事？為什麼我聽到槍聲？

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別緊張，歐許卡先生

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除魔是一場硬戰，但你的蘑菇很安全

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老兄，你的腦袋被掉包了嗎？

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-我家在對街
-什麼？

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達米樂，你是怎麼導航的？

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我沒有

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可惡，如果被瓦拉西克發現

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我們在他的蘑菇培養室裡

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他會把我們的牙齒拔光再把腿砍斷

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我們得趕緊離開，免得為時已晚

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已經太遲了

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誰敢擅自踏進蘑菇王的寶庫

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就會不得好死！

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瓦拉西克別開槍！我是歐許卡！

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我知道你是誰！你以為
我認不得你那張蠢臉嗎？

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“蘑菇王”，開什麼玩笑！

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如果他是國王，我就是王牌

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或是鬼牌

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他真的會殺了我們
瓦拉西克，你清醒一點！

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我可以留你一條生路

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但你得告訴我，為何你的生意比我好

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我死都不要！

191
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那你能活的日子也不多了

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我的上等蘑菇乏人問津

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它們成熟又潔白，甚至不需清洗

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但每天早上整個盧布林

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都去找歐許卡購買數十箱蘑菇

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好了！別開槍，我告訴你！

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-是嗎？
-我故意種次級品

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三等品種

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最好是，根本沒有這個等級

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我的養菇場裡有

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我自己種的

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我的祕方就是不去照顧

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讓蘑菇們隨心所欲的成長

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有的會腐爛、有的會被蟲吃

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你知道對批發客戶來說

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蘑菇的最佳品種是什麼嗎？

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我猜是香檳茸？

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怎麼可能是香檳茸？

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當然是越便宜越好

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我的蘑菇最便宜

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要是我賣的便宜又不用成本呢？

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你投資四元賺五元

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我賣1公斤就能賺2.5元

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但我根本沒投資

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甚至有時候，光是磨菇長大我都賺錢

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因為回收汙水更便宜

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-汙水？
-畢竟要幫菌絲澆水

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你說的對

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那你需要搭檔嗎，瑞修？

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如果你有需求，我也非常樂意

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我不確定耶

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我保證不再對你開槍

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喝醉以後也是

224
00:10:32,043 --> 00:10:33,376
我很樂意！夥伴！

225
00:10:33,459 --> 00:10:35,876
但僅限瓦拉西克，因為他有經驗

226
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:37,959
謝了老闆，那我該做什麼？

227
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:38,876
那首先

228
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,126
別再用水了

229
00:10:41,209 --> 00:10:43,459
-我們需要控管品質
-再來呢？

230
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,918
再來，幫我和這位先生結算

231
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:47,793
-給他200元
-沒問題

232
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,168
我就說吧，我們自己處理也沒問題

233
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:53,709
鑰匙給你

234
00:10:57,293 --> 00:11:00,209
看來還是得跟馬辛道歉

235
00:11:00,709 --> 00:11:01,543
（結束）

236
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:03,626
不到300元就能驅魔

237
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:06,793
其實只要200元，開發票才會多收錢

238
00:11:06,876 --> 00:11:09,876
小心點，惡魔統領，他將來踹你屁股

239
00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:13,126
小心點，巴特西法，下個目標就是你

240
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:20,876
字幕翻譯：樓艾苓