A NETFLIX SERIES
Oh no. My religion doesn't allow me to get in the cesspool.
What's your religion, Domino?
None. Besides, I threw it just fine.
You're the one who can't catch, boss.
Refusing to carry out an order?
Then say goodbye to your bonus.
Two minuses make a plus.
-Hello? -If it's Marcin, say hi.
In a hospital?
Goodness, what happened?
What? Poisoned?
He had it coming.
I told him so many times that a vegetarian diet is for vegetarians.
People die from it.
-Okay, I'm coming. -Marcin's in a hospital?
Worse. It's my old man.
You have an old man?
It's tautology. The old man has an old man.
Shut up and take out these keys.
Oh no, not… No!
Got them!
Dad?
Boguś, my only son. You're here.
I'm not your only son. There's also Stefan.
Don't even remind me
about that educated pansy.
He should be called Flaccid,
not Boner.
Got booze?
Dad, come on. I wouldn't have come without it.
In that case,
you know what to do.
Dad, if God knows who poisoned you with God knows what,
then booze may not be the best solution.
Stefan!
That's what I needed. Just like the old days.
-Remember, Boguś? -Not really.
I remember it as if it was some 30 years ago.
Maybe because it was 30 years ago.
I'd been showing you the ropes since you were young.
And you'd been soaking up the knowledge like a spongiot,
a combination of a sponge and an idiot, so not very well.
Boguś, pour the booze into your mouth like it was a urinal.
Jesus!
Fourth bottle? Dad, I think you've had enough.
Do as I say, you little shit. It's the only way to chase out the demons!
Can't argue with idiots and Dad.
FLYPAPER
He's exceeded the lethal dose for sure. Cipek, we're done here.
Now, kid!
Oh no. I've wasted so much fuel. I'm sober again.
Don't open the windows. I'll inhale vapors.
Then I realized that not all demons had left their hiding place.
There was one more left.
The most dangerous one was lurking like a toad
and waiting for you to free me, or rather him.
When you cut the rope, it was too late to save me.
And it's a tie! You won't shoot your old man, huh?
He shot. Are you fucking nuts?
I need to leave this body, or I'll die with him.
Jump!
Phew, I made it.
Luckily, it turned out
you shoot like you acquire knowledge.
You missed from ten centimeters.
Then I realized that there's hope for you
if we survived.
We'll be safe here.
Unfortunately, we both died.
You know what to do.
-But… -Sit down!
I'd rather die.
No, wait. We couldn't have died,
or we wouldn't meet 30 years later in the hospital.
I got it all mixed-up.
I must've been lying drunk in bed, and it was just a dream.
Here you are, you twit.
I didn't divorce him and take away his custody
so that you can hang out with this drunkard.
What drunkard, Mom?
Dad's sleeping because he's tired of unemployment.
You have a new, better dad now, so forget about this bum.
LAME SPORT II
A GHOST FROM THE BASEMENT
This is him
Passes out at every party
-Dad? -No, a fucking draft.
Will you help your dad?
What do I do?
First, help me get these wheels in the van.
I'll fill you in on the way.
-Where are we going, Dad? -To do what needs to be done.
You were too young,
and my hangover was too big to get into details.
But the '90s in Poland
were the golden years for organized crime.
Mobsters, gangs, extortion, kidnappings,
counterfeit fuel, prostitution.
In a word, a criminal El Dorado.
Pershing was the most powerful, officially.
Pershing was actually following the orders of Belzedup,
who shacked up in his palace in Pruszków
and enjoyed ruling the Polish underworld so much
that he decided to stay here.
And he would have, but he stepped on the wrong person's toe.
Your choice. Either you'll pay for protection each month,
or we'll burn this shithole down.
You also have a choice, fuck off or piss off.
You…
HOT SANDWICHES
That time, he crossed the line.
Damn, nice crib.
I thought my stepdad was rich, but this guy's like Rydzyk.
Not for long.
HOLY WATER WHOLESALER HALLELUJAH
-Who's there? -Open up, Natanek, you twit.
Don't you recognize my car?
How's it going?
Hard. I understand 100 liters. Or 200 for blessing the fields.
But who orders a whole tank?
I can't do it anymore. My hand will fall off.
Bless!
Dad, can't you bless the whole tank at once?
No, it'd be too diluted.
It has to be 98% like rectified spirit.
The dimwit didn't know.
Yo mama's a dimwit!
Ouch!
No time to play.
We have a master of darkness to defeat.
Another pretty day for doing evil
But first, a morning bath in milk Like a fat cat
I mean shower so it's faster
Yes, you remember correctly.
We replaced his milk tank with a tank full of holy water.
And then, things went down like at a good party.
Well, maybe I didn't get laid
and wasn't arrested for destroying property.
But the thing is, the situation was dynamic.
Fucking hell, what is it? It's burning!
Damn, it's…
Holy water!
It's you again!
You wanted money for my hot sandwiches.
Now you're going to be a hot sandwich for the rest of your life.
I'll have my revenge! You hear me? I will!
Even if it's in 30 years, when you're old and decrepit.
Now, kid!
It burns!
Okay, it's not safe here. I'm going back to hell. Bye!
Just stay calm, gentlemen.
Calm? Man, he's finally out of my crib.
I'm going to be the boss now!
We need to celebrate, preferably in Zakopane.
Follow me, Mielonka. It's time for a party!
Since then, Belzedup has had red, burnt skin
and doesn't leave hell.
But I'm afraid that after 30 years, he's fulfilled his promise,
and I'm here because of him.
What? Oh, sorry, Dad, I wasn't listening.
I spaced out when you got to sponge.
Did you say something after that?
Dad?
Damn.
He didn't want to pay for protection, he got a fritter…
And it rhymes with a shitter.
But it makes no sense.
The point is, yeah, I poisoned your old man
as I promised him.
You can order two caskets.
Because you're next, Stinkercist Bummer. Bye!
We'll meet again, Belzedup!
Hello? Marcinek? Okay. I'll pay for your fucking social security.
THE END
Exorcist for less than 300
Actually, it's 200 If you want a bill, it'll cost you more
Watch it, Belzedup You're gonna get your ass kicked
Watch it, Dupcyper He's aiming at you
Subtitle translation by: Agnieszka Żurek