1
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A NETFLIX SERIES
2
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Oh no, my religion forbids me
from swimming in septic tanks.
3
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FATHER
4
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And which religion is it exactly
that you follow, Domino?
5
00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:25,168
Non-believer. I threw those keys
to you absolutely perfectly.
6
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You didn’t even try to catch them, like
cops when there’s a white murder suspect.
7
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Are you refusing to carry out
an order from your boss?
8
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Then say goodbye to your bonus
for this year.
9
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Ha! Two minuses combined make a plus.
10
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-Hello?
-If it's Marcin, tell him I say hi, boss
11
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He's in the hospital?
12
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Holy Saint Mary, how did he end up there?
13
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-What? So he was poisoned?
-Well, he had that coming.
14
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It was probably his own damn fault.
15
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Did I not tell him that a vegetarian diet
is only for people who are vegetarian?
16
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Normal people die from that shit.
17
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-Okay, I'll be right there.
-Marcin's in the hospital?
18
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-Worse. It's my old man.
-Wait, you have an old man, old man?
19
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Oh God,
that is so fucking redundant.
20
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An old man's got an old man.
21
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Shut the fuck up, Domino,
jump down in the sewer and get the keys!
22
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Oh no, not… No!
23
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Got them!
24
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HOSPITAL
25
00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:14,709
Father?
26
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Boguś, you are my only son.
27
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You're here.
28
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:22,626
Nah, I'm not your only son.
Don’t you remember your other son, Stefan.
29
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I don't want to hear that name ever again,
30
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that fucking educated pansy.
31
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His last name
should definitely be Flaccid.
32
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He’s not a Boner.
33
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Got any booze?
34
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Dad, come on. Do you really think
I would have come without this?
35
00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:37,126
Give me a shot to level out,
I'm way amped up on Adderall.
36
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Aah…
37
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Father, since someone decided
to poison you,
38
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and we really don’t know who
or what the hell they used
39
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maybe this isn't the best time
for you to be drinking alcohol.
40
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Stefan!
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00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:50,293
Aah…
42
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Damn, that is what I needed.
43
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It takes me back to some old memories.
44
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-Remember, Boguś?
-No, not really.
45
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:01,084
I remember exactly how
that evening panned out.
46
00:02:01,168 --> 00:02:04,501
As clearly as if it had happened
just about thirty years ago or so.
47
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Possibly because it did happen
just about thirty years ago or so.
48
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I had been teaching you
since you were little.
49
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You soaked up all the knowledge
like a stuponge.
50
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A stupid person and a sponge combo.
So not very well.
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Pour that booze down my mouth
52
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like it’s a urinal
that was just hooked up to a sewer.
53
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:22,626
JULY
54
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,209
Oh, Jesus!
55
00:02:24,293 --> 00:02:25,543
But it is the fourth bottle!
56
00:02:25,626 --> 00:02:28,126
Dad, you should probably
stop drinking this bottle or you'll die.
57
00:02:28,209 --> 00:02:30,293
Do as you’re told,
you little fucking shithead.
58
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It is the only way
to exorcise those demons in my body!
59
00:02:35,668 --> 00:02:38,209
Never argue with complete idiots
and don't argue with your father.
60
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He definitely just exceeded
his lethal dose after that last sip.
61
00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:51,543
Come on, Cipek, we're done here.
62
00:02:51,626 --> 00:02:54,209
Kiddo! Do it now!
63
00:03:00,709 --> 00:03:02,918
Oh no, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I just wasted a bunch of fuel.
64
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This is bad.
I think I'm starting to sober up.
65
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:07,834
Don’t you dare open the windows in here.
I want to inhale the vapors.
66
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That's when I knew that not all
of the demons that had been torturing me
67
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had left their hiding place.
68
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There was still one hidden inside me.
69
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The most dangerous dark demon of them all,
70
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,418
was patiently waiting to jump out
when you screwed up
71
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:23,501
and freed me from the rope
that was holding me down,
72
00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:25,876
actually rather,
set him free from the rope for good.
73
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:27,418
When you decided to cut the rope,
74
00:03:27,501 --> 00:03:30,209
it was already way too late
to attempt getting any help.
75
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:33,751
So it looks like we have a stalemate.
76
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:36,543
You wouldn’t think of shooting
your old man now, could you?
77
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:40,376
He shot me. Are you serious?
78
00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:42,876
I need to leave this damaged body,
or I will die inside of him.
79
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Yee-haw!
80
00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:45,543
Phew! I made it out.
81
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,834
Luckily, it turned out that your
shooting skills were so damn terrible,
82
00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:50,959
that they reminded me
of your learning skills.
83
00:03:51,043 --> 00:03:54,043
You missed my body completely
and you were only ten centimeters away.
84
00:03:54,126 --> 00:03:56,251
But that’s when,
I realized right at that moment,
85
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:58,501
that you actually
had some potential after all.
86
00:03:58,584 --> 00:03:59,793
If we survived this, of course.
87
00:04:04,876 --> 00:04:06,709
Phew! We will be safe here for now.
88
00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:09,959
Really too bad though,
we were both brutally murdered.
89
00:04:12,209 --> 00:04:14,834
You know what to do
when I put this jar down.
90
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:16,376
-But…
-Sit down!
91
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:17,959
I would rather die.
92
00:04:20,876 --> 00:04:23,043
No, hold on.
We couldn’t have died that night,
93
00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:26,251
or we wouldn’t be speaking to each other
like this 30 years later in the hospital.
94
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,626
I got it completely mixed up
with a different story somehow.
95
00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,251
I guess I was just in bed totally wasted
96
00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:32,293
and didn’t realize the rest was a dream
in my head.
97
00:04:32,376 --> 00:04:34,043
Here you are, you fucking twit!
98
00:04:34,126 --> 00:04:35,793
I did not divorce this sorry asshole
99
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,834
and then take complete custody
of my children,
100
00:04:37,918 --> 00:04:40,376
just so you can hang out
with this low life piece of shit drunk.
101
00:04:40,459 --> 00:04:43,001
What low life piece of shit drunk, Mother,
for real though?
102
00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:45,376
Dad is just asleep
because he's tired of unemployment.
103
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,084
You have got a wonderful, new,
reliable father now.
104
00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,209
Why don't you just forget
about this stupid bum?
105
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,709
A GHOST FROM THE BASEMENT
106
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-Daddy?
-No, it's a fucking draft.
107
00:05:20,126 --> 00:05:21,876
Are you gonna help out your father?
108
00:05:24,418 --> 00:05:25,293
What should I do?
109
00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:28,251
First of all, help me get these
new wheels here into the back of the van.
110
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:30,043
I will fill you in on the rest later.
111
00:05:32,251 --> 00:05:33,668
Dad, where are we heading right now?
112
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:36,543
We are going to end this, my son.
We have to do what we have to do.
113
00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:38,543
You were too young then,
114
00:05:38,626 --> 00:05:42,126
and my hangover was too big
to get into the details.
115
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:45,084
During the 1990s
the entire country of Poland
116
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:48,793
was engulfed in a merciless golden age
of organized crime and corruption.
117
00:05:48,876 --> 00:05:52,126
Mobsters, gangsters,
extortionists, kidnappings.
118
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:55,168
Also, there was counterfeit gasoline,
and, of course, prostitution.
119
00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:58,418
In other words, it was referred to
as the criminal El Dorado.
120
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,918
The most powerful human
was definitely Pershing.
121
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Officially, anyway.
122
00:06:02,084 --> 00:06:03,668
And that dangerous man Pershing,
123
00:06:03,751 --> 00:06:06,334
was just following the orders
of that stupid Beelzebutt,
124
00:06:06,418 --> 00:06:09,376
who decided to shack up
in Pershing’s palace in Pruszków.
125
00:06:09,459 --> 00:06:12,959
He enjoyed torturing and ruling over
the Polish underworld so much,
126
00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:16,001
that he decided to stay
on the surface of the Earth permanently.
127
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,334
Well, he probably could have,
128
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,168
but he went and made one crucial error.
129
00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:21,334
He decided to step
on the wrong person’s toes,
130
00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,459
in the wrong place,
at the wrong damn time.
131
00:06:23,543 --> 00:06:25,459
You’ve got a choice to make here, Boner.
132
00:06:25,543 --> 00:06:28,209
Either you start paying us
for protection every single month,
133
00:06:28,293 --> 00:06:31,376
or we are going to burn this pizza place
to the ground.
134
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,793
I will give you a choice too:
135
00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:35,293
either fuck off now
or just go ahead piss off forever.
136
00:06:36,168 --> 00:06:37,793
Why, you…
137
00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:44,793
That crossed the line.
138
00:06:52,876 --> 00:06:55,001
Oh damn, that is a really nice crib.
139
00:06:55,084 --> 00:06:56,876
I thought my damn stepdad was super-rich,
140
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,418
but this asshole
is almost as wealthy as Jeff Bezos.
141
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,084
Yeah, not for very long though.
142
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:02,459
Hmm.
143
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:09,168
HOLY WATER WHOLESALER
HALLELUJAH
144
00:07:13,626 --> 00:07:16,043
-Hello?
-Open up now, Natanek, you fucking idiot.
145
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:17,709
Do you not recognize my van?
146
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,001
-How is it?
-Pretty bad.
147
00:07:25,084 --> 00:07:28,793
I would understand a 100 liters.
Or even 200 for consecrating the fields.
148
00:07:28,876 --> 00:07:29,709
MILK
149
00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,584
Who orders an entire tanker full
of holy water?
150
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:34,293
I'm done. My arm will fall off
if I keep waving that holy water crap.
151
00:07:34,376 --> 00:07:35,209
Bless it!
152
00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:38,126
Can you not just have the priest
bless the entire tank of water at once?
153
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:40,709
No, it would be way too diluted to use.
154
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,334
The holy water has to be at least
ninety-eight proof blessed
155
00:07:43,418 --> 00:07:45,543
just like a rectified spirit.
156
00:07:45,626 --> 00:07:47,209
The dummy doesn’t know anything.
157
00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:49,334
Your freaking mom is a dummy!
158
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:52,543
Boguś, this is no time to play.
159
00:07:52,626 --> 00:07:55,876
It is time to eliminate
that stupid gold lord of darkness.
160
00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:05,584
Just another beautiful day
doing very evil things.
161
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,293
You remember correctly.
162
00:08:16,376 --> 00:08:18,334
We decided to replace his milk tank
163
00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:21,876
with a massive tanker that we had filled
full of blessed holy water instead.
164
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:25,418
The incidents that followed, panned out
like a good party on a Saturday night.
165
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:27,168
I didn’t get to make sweet love
with a chick
166
00:08:27,251 --> 00:08:28,459
and the police didn’t arrest me
167
00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:30,793
for being way too drunk
and destroying government property.
168
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:31,918
But to be honest with you,
169
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:35,126
that situation happened
to be absolutely explosive.
170
00:08:36,834 --> 00:08:38,418
Fucking hell, what is this?
171
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:39,793
Aah! It burns!
172
00:08:39,876 --> 00:08:41,709
Damn, this smells li…
173
00:08:41,793 --> 00:08:43,168
It's blessed holy water!
174
00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:49,959
What are you doing here?
175
00:08:50,043 --> 00:08:52,459
You want to collect protection money
from Polish pizza shops, huh?
176
00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:54,251
Well, now you're
gonna look like burnt crust
177
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,709
for the rest of your unnatural
fucking life, you Beelzefuck.
178
00:08:56,793 --> 00:09:00,293
I'll get revenge! You hear me?
There will be revenge!
179
00:09:00,376 --> 00:09:02,793
Even when we happen to meet
30 years in the future
180
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,876
when you have aged,
and you are decrepit and senile.
181
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:06,709
Kiddo, do it now!
182
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,626
It fucking burns!
183
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:13,793
Okay, it's not safe here anymore.
I am teleporting back to hell.
184
00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:21,793
Um, gentlemen, just stay calm now, fellas.
185
00:09:21,876 --> 00:09:22,793
Why calm down, man?
186
00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:25,626
He finally got the hell out
of my house because of what you just did.
187
00:09:25,709 --> 00:09:28,168
I am finally the boss again now!
188
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,459
We need to celebrate!
Preferably in Cancun.
189
00:09:30,543 --> 00:09:33,168
Follow me, Meathead.
It's time to go throw a massive party!
190
00:09:34,543 --> 00:09:36,543
And since that very afternoon,
191
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:39,668
Beelzebutt has had dark reddish burnt skin
all over his body,
192
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,834
and hasn’t left hell once since that day.
193
00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:44,084
I just can’t believe
that after 30 whole long years,
194
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,709
Beezlebutt has finally returned
to make an attempt on my life.
195
00:09:46,793 --> 00:09:48,334
And I am lying here slowly decaying
196
00:09:48,418 --> 00:09:50,209
in this hospital bed
because of that asshole.
197
00:09:53,918 --> 00:09:56,834
What? Oh.
Sorry, Dad, I wasn't listening.
198
00:09:56,918 --> 00:09:59,334
I kinda spaced out when you got to
the part about the sponge.
199
00:09:59,418 --> 00:10:01,584
Did you happen to say
anything else after that?
200
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,501
Father?
201
00:10:03,251 --> 00:10:04,084
Father?
202
00:10:04,918 --> 00:10:05,959
Oh shit-balls.
203
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:16,209
Your old man didn’t want
to pay the protection plan.
204
00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:18,001
He ate a bad fritter.
205
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,543
Then his life took a turn
and he ended in the shitter.
206
00:10:20,626 --> 00:10:22,209
But that doesn't make any sense though.
207
00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:24,001
The point I'm making is, it was me.
208
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:27,709
I poisoned your old man,
just as I promised him thirty years ago.
209
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:32,084
And you should probably order
a pair of caskets while you're at it,
210
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:34,834
because you are definitely
the next one to die.
211
00:10:34,918 --> 00:10:37,459
Do you hear me?
You're next, Exorcist Boner.
212
00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:38,751
See you soon.
213
00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:44,001
Damn you, Beelzebutt!
214
00:10:44,084 --> 00:10:48,209
We are going to meet again, you asshole!
Do you hear me?
215
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,501
Hello? Marcinek?
216
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:53,293
Okay, whatever then.
I'll start to pay for your insurance.
217
00:10:53,376 --> 00:10:54,209
THE END