We're two minutes away.
Received.
What's the status of the body?
We're bringing her out now.
DI Strandhed, this is DS McAndrews. We're with the MHU.
MHU stands for Marine Homicide Unit.
- She knew that. - Did she know that?
I feel like people look at me like they don't know that.
Maybe they look at you because of something else.
Edinburgh Police have got us an incident room.
- Are you staying over? - Mm-hm.
Morgan's away on the bushcraft trip.
- Is the tent holding up? - Why? What's wrong with it?
- Well, it might not rain. - Great.
I'll probably go home each night.
Is that OK?
Well, it's a nice home to go to.
Should have come by train.
Train gets in at...
- Oh, Waverley. - Oh, yeah.
Yes, correct.
Oh, no, as the plot of Waverley takes, oh, it's 400 pages,
so we need to carve out some dedicated time
to talk about that in detail.
I've got to say, and this is not me ***
Oh, glad to hear it.
I find Walter Scott a bit dry.
Ah, dry as in dull or dry as in funny?
Because he's definitely funny in the same way that I'm funny.
Well, I'd agree that you're as funny as Walter Scott.
You see, now I feel that you're implying I'm not funny,
whereas I'm the funniest person I know.
You're not even the funniest person I know, you know what I'm saying?
Oh.
Yeah, I haven't told him yet.
Waverley is Walter Scott's first go at a novel.
It's a big moment which calls for an epic sweep,
and so he sets it during a civil war.
The hero, Edward Waverley, is this Englishman who has to pick a side.
And this creates a range of problems in his life.
Family tension, split loyalties,
even accusations of treason.
But his biggest problem
is meeting a romantic revolutionary
who fights by his side every day,
distracts him with songs and stories,
and then completely messes up his home life.
Maybe I shouldn't get Michael to read it.
OK. Firstly,
this incident room is fine,
except it doesn't have a view of the Scott Memorial.
I know. We're all devastated.
And so you should be, because it has 68 statues on its buttresses,
including one of his beloved dog, Rover.
Secondly, where's our attachment?
DC Harper Weston, Edinburgh Police.
I'm at the prison now.
I'm sorry I couldn't get you a space in our station.
Do you want me to find you somewhere else?
No, no, it's fine.
It's big enough for the trial.
Frankly, too, if we catch them.
Never been seconded to a specialist unit before.
- Is there anything I should know? - Don't give her a reading list.
You'll be fine.
OK, so the victim is Gemma Kerr.
She's 28 years old and an ex-prisoner.
She was given six years for causing death by dangerous driving.
The man she hit was Zuri Keita.
She was released after five from Thorninch Prison three days ago
and taken to a halfway house in New Haven, north of the city.
By a relative?
Probation officer.
She was dropped off OK and then missed all her subsequent appointments.
- Which might put her back inside. - Exactly.
She got a 70 quid release money and then two days later
she's in a cage in the Forth.
And how did she get on inside?
Model prisoner, apparently.
But I'll pull some stuff together about her original offence
and the trial.
Maybe get hold of the visitor logs as well?
Sure.
- And it's Maida, by the way. - What is?
Walter Scott's dog.
Named after a battle.
OK.
Good knowledge.
I think she's gone.
The victim was knocked unconscious before drowning
and was in the water for two to three hours.
There were scratch marks on the cage, tyre marks at the scene.
Door to door gives us a report that there was a white van
driving erratically nearby at the time.
It's a pretty unwieldy cage,
so you need something like that to transport the body.
No van ID, though.
I've got a team trawling through CCTV.
And is this thing like a regular dog cage?
Yeah, widely available.
The larger ones have wheels.
This one had been painted.
- Who paints a dog cage? - I know.
We're getting it analysed.
So, aside from Walter Scott,
how many dog owners are there in Scotland?
- A million. - Great.
250,000 suspects each.
Michael with Blair to the halfway house.
- We'll do next of kin. - It's just her dad.
He lives on the coast, only family left.
Then I shall be kind to him.
Oh!
Can you tell us about your daughter, Gemma?
She was emotional the last time I saw her, you know.
Kind of... overwhelmed.
It's a big thing,
- getting released. - Did she get many visitors?
Her mum tried to come along at the start,
but she got too ill.
Gemma had day release for her funeral.
I'm sorry.
And you didn't go and pick her up?
I can't drive.
She called me, though, the afternoon she got out,
to arrange a visit.
She didn't turn up.
Now I know why.
How did she sound?
You'd think she'd be dim-wab happy, but she was drunk.
Called from some hotel, I don't know which one.
We can get that info if you want.
I didn't quiz her.
She always thought I was being...
- critical. - Ah.
Well, dads can be a bit...
- What? - Nothing, you know, just...
Were you like that with yours, huh?
No, I'm saying it would help if they reared back on
the relentless disapproval of it.
Carry on.
She did her time, my wee girl.
She paid her debt.
But I suppose no-one can forgive a drunk driver.
Did you?
I loved her.
I'd forgive her anything.
Even that.
Are you going to be OK to ID her body?
She was in a cage for five years.
What monster puts her in another one?
Can your mum get a helicopter to airlift us out?
She'd come by moose, probably.
Think our reputations would suffer.
Well, you've got reputations.
Well, you have. You're pretty cool.
I'm not cool. I'm bloody freezing.
OK, Beaumont-Nelson's school, let's get moving.
What is it now? Foraging for berries?
Navigation by the sun.
- There is no sun. - I know.
There is no sun.
I just said you were cool, Femi.
Try and keep it together.
Edinburgh's where you came to school, then?
I was kicked out of two of them.
What for?
Hacking in one, trespassing in the other.
Hacking came in handy for us.
See that?
Is that her room?
No, hers is number seven.
She holding it?
I mean, that's my problem. It was always too easy.
Probation said she was dropped off, but clearly she didn't stay.
Yeah, and if she didn't lock the door,
she wasn't planning on coming back.
Then something else happened.
It's the police.
Need you to open the door.
Well, either it's a dog lover or someone's planning...
... five more murders.
Well, her prison money wouldn't get her very far in this hotel.
I mean, if she'd been in for bank robbery,
you might have guessed it, she had a stash somewhere
for when she got out.
She knocked over a guy while drunk.
It's not a nest egg, is it?
Yeah.
Hope you've brought your handcuffs.
Is Gemma Kerr listed as a hotel guest, Valeria?
Can I ask what this is about, Tyrone?
It's police stuff.
Which room?
Er...
And which parts of the hotel are covered by your CCTV?
The lobby, bar, some of the public areas.
Not the rooms, obviously,
given what some people get up to.
You found her yet?
Yep. She's booked into the penthouse.
She cancelled all her room service.
We'll take the key then, please, Valeria.
- Whoa. - Mm.
Was she attacked in here?
It'll be hard to drag a body out of a hotel.
Well, she smashed it up herself.
Wow.
Looks like Morgan's room after I stopped her
transferring to her girlfriend's school,
minus, you know, all the alcohol.
Oi! Police!
Walter Scott's first published work was a translation called The Chase,
as it happens.
It's a poem about a girl who goes hunting on a holy day,
despite being warned not to.
Hmm.
During the hunt, the Earl destroys crops, tramples over sheep,
ruins the livelihoods of everyone in his path.
He shows such a callous disregard that at the final reckoning,
he ends up in hell.
Whereas, in my experience, most chases end up in the kitchen.
Well, when you run the bar, you spot
if a guest is carrying cash or not.
And I took the odd 20s from their rooms when they were out.
They didn't miss it.
Wouldn't they tip you that anyway?
Pfft. Hardly ever.
They're rich and rude.
What, including the victim?
Yeah, a bit.
She was angry and drinking hard,
so it was easy to go into her room in my break.
And you came back for more today?
Yeah, well, she had a big bag of it somewhere.
Was she... Was she a gangster?
Did she act like one?
Don't really know how they act.
Who was she angry with?
I don't know. She didn't really want to talk about it.
She shut me down pretty quick.
But you robbed her anyway.
Yeah, well, I didn't do anything else to her.
Hmm.
So, where were you last night?
Working here. Until three.
Not sure that's ice cream.
Mm-hm.
Oh.
Maybe she was a gangster.
Hm.
She was as good as gold in prison and worked in telly sales before.
Oh, so exactly the same backstory as Al Capone, then?
Identical.
I'd find it hard to be angry if I had a bag with 20 grand in it.
Depends what you expected.
Do you fancy a drink?
Need to get the taste of gravy out of my mouth.
The room at the halfway house is occupied by an ex-con,
Billy Gleeson, career criminal.
Mostly assault, but more recently, theft.
It could be dogs.
The place stank of them, but
we can't ignore a room full of cages.
What about the blood on the door handles?
Blair's off to the lab with it.
Hey, Michael, don't sleep in your car
unless you want to wake up oily in the morning.
That's a pun on early.
- Wow. - Right?
Want to rethink who's the funniest in the unit?
What, you think that changed it?
Get uniforms. Take a shift and come and join us.
Need to wait on.
Very calm, isn't he, Michael?
Very level. Never loses his temper.
I don't know, there was that thing with his brother before.
He got pretty angry.
Yeah.
Family touches a nerve.
- Yeah. - I mean, he really lost it.
- He... - Yeah, OK.
But anyway, the assessment centre.
Liked your application.
Well played.
Thanks.
Just waiting for a post to open up now.
You're half hoping one won't?
Well, it's big.
It feels big.
I'm going to have to make some tough calls.
And that's new.
I don't know how I'll handle that yet.
I'm going to have to earn a lot of trust, too.
But you know all this already.
Hmm.
You carry a lot.
But you can also carry a lot of...
... salty licorice, which goes a long way.
It goes on forever, 'cos no-one eats it.
Er...
It's my dad.
Then you should answer it.
- I'll see you tomorrow. - Yeah, being a DI means
you can't go out dancing with hotel receptionists.
It's a good thing I'm not one yet, then.
Hi, Dad.
This place is covered in fingerprint dust.
It gets up my bloody nose.
And who's going to pay for my door?
It was put through because there's blood on the handle
and you've got a room full of cages.
They're for the dogs.
Isn't that obvious, even to the police?
Their owners are away on holiday.
So this is a kennel service?
- Are you a tax inspector? - No, no, no.
I'm the guy who's investigating the murder of a woman
who was found in a dog cage last night.
Into some dark stuff, was she?
Well, you tell me. She was your neighbour.
Only for ten minutes.
Long enough to get blood on her door and yours.
One of the bloody dogs bit me.
I snooped her room after she was away off with her stuff.
I never said a word to her.
Hey? 'Cos I'll check.
You do that.
Where was she going?
Oh, em...
I don't know.
Why don't you ask the driver of the van that was tailing her?
Tell you now,
if I was going to murder anything,
it'd be that wee chihuahua.
Even though I've accepted that my dad doesn't like me very much,
I still have this hope that something will shift, you know?
And...
... one day he'll reflect on his life and
remember those times he made me clear out the bilge tank or
told me I was a disappointment.
And he'll feel regretful
and want to try and start again.
Reset, or something.
And then he rings up and for a moment I think,
all these things are happening.
But then it turns out he just
pocket-dialed me and can't wait to hang up.
Don't want you coming home every night 'cos you think I need you to.
I like to see the kids.
At two in the morning.
Do you want a beer?
Oh, come on.
It's just for tonight. She wasn't safe where she was.
Right. OK, as long as the kids don't see it.
What are you going to feed her?
What does you lot have?
Lasagne.
That's what cats eat, isn't it?
Is this a sort of gateway dog?
Are you going to soften me up with this little thing
and then bring home a great Dane?
Would that be bad?
Well, we're at full capacity, Mike,
so you'd have to swap it out for one of the kids.
You got me a puppy?
I am just going to let you deal with that one.
She's cute, isn't she?
She's bumming me over.
Well, telling her that isn't going to help, is it, Morgan?
I mean, you're more outdoorsy than she is.
Whitewater kayaking isn't for everyone.
So what do I say to her?
Say, erm, it's got a proud Inuit and Aleut history.
Then tell her about the navigations of the Snake River in Wyoming.
Didn't they nearly starve?
Yeah.
Maybe try a different example.
I am so out of here.
OK, she's running. Speak later.
Sammy!
The hotel's given me way too many of these,
so help yourselves.
Body lotion.
Sewing kits.
Bath cap.
Where's Michael?
I don't know. Traffic.
So is it, erm, just crimes in water that you specialise in,
or do you get to investigate other stuff?
- Are you planning something? - No.
I'm just wondering why it was me they assigned.
Yeah, you seem too tired.
That was a motorbike gag, wasn't it?
You can quit at any point.
How about we start?
OK, so in our original crash,
our victim was on the way to a party when she hit Zuri Kater.
A lot of upset people at the trial, including his sister Amara,
who applied to be informed through victim notification
when our victim was released.
Being quite vocal about the justice system on social media.
Tough on the family when they get out early.
- You spoken to her? - Tried to. She wasn't in.
She's a stage techie, gigs, expos, she might be on the road.
OK, timeline.
- Where are our gaps? - We've got two.
The first is after she leaves the safe house in the afternoon,
but before she arrives at the hotel,
during that gap she picked up the holdall for the cash,
the one we found in her room.
Did we find anything on that?
Yeah, we got this lost luggage barcode.
It's a partial, but we should be able to trace it.
And the blood on the door of the room.
Oh, that's the dog guy's, Billy.
He came into her room, sniffing around.
Sorry I'm late, by the way.
That's OK, made Harper our new DS.
- Wait, I thought I was next. - You as well, then.
So, Billy saw a white van trailing the victim.
Didn't see the plates, but there was a company logo on the side
and a word: Stand.
I found three places within an hour of Edinburgh.
Scaffolding firm, legal firm...
And a comedy club, right?
Well, we know which one I'll be visiting first.
Scaffolders.
And the second gap is after she left the hotel
the next morning at 11am, up until her body was found that night.
OK, we know she was angry with someone.
So, theories, anyone?
- Anyone? - Somebody killed her.
You see the level we operate at?
It's really intimidating.
OK, Tyrone and Blair do the luggage tag,
Harper, chase the cage paint,
Columbo, you're with me.
OK, then.
Has Morgan ever asked for a dog?
Wait, you didn't bring one home, did you?
Well, you bring animals home all the time.
There was a pigeon and a fish, both of those are low maintenance.
Never bring a dog, 'cos I know what happens.
- You end up with a dog. - Exactly.
It's all Morgan asked for.
- Can't have that in my life. - Well, we're probably going to get one
so she can come over and walk ours if she wants.
Oh, come on!
Here's one. Two detectives walk into a comedy club.
- Yeah, very good. - You heard it?
- No. - Then don't heckle.
One, two, one, two...
You got a minute?
We're the Marine Homicide Unit.
The sound check for Axe is at two.
- No, it's police. - Amara, isn't it?
McAndrews and Strandhead.
That sounds even more like an axe.
OK, hang on.
Shouldn't it be Strandhead and McAndrews?
- Why? - Because it's important to get the billing right.
The billing is right, it's fine.
This where we clap?
Ah!
Wait, so did she try to escape and just throw it in reverse?
Yep.
Yes, she did.
And does Oban know that her car's trashed?
I think the best thing is for me to just buy the same model
and pretend nothing's happened.
Like when the Skullhamster died on me.
So, the paint on the cage is black trade paint.
And here's a fun fact.
The brand's used to cover stage floors.
There's some in her van.
- Jeez, she asked for a solicitor? - No.
Anything with the barcode on the bag of money?
Yeah, it's from a flight to Monaco a year ago.
First class. The passenger's name is Jason Craig.
Got an address in Newton.
Likely where the money came from.
OK, let's try and put it together.
Michael's getting the car towed.
You want to be the bad cop?
He was just walking home
when this car took a bend wrong.
It veered into a wall.
Crushed him against it.
He was getting a pizza for us.
If he got chips like he wanted,
he wouldn't have been on that road.
You must feel guilty about that.
Hey, she was the guilty one, OK?
She looked all noble hearing a sentence,
like she was being brave or something.
Six years for a life.
Didn't even serve that.
So, what did you do about it?
I wanted to see where she'd be living.
I didn't want to bump into her.
I was trying to get some closure, OK?
But when she left the house, you kept following her.
So, what sort of closure were you after?
I don't know, I didn't have time to think.
She was so quick.
She went to pick up a bag from the station.
Waverley, right?
Did someone give it to her?
Maybe it was from lost luggage.
From six years ago.
Look,
all I know is that she came out with it,
then pranced into this luxury hotel. I mean...
Nice reward for knocking your brother over.
I'd have been OK if she stayed in that crappy house
with the dogs barking at her.
Right, but as it is,
we've got a white van seen near the body.
Tyre tracks at the scene, and your van
is full of the black paint
that's found under the dead woman's fingernails, so...
Look, the night that she died,
I was in a room with 100 people and four comedians, OK?
She was killed by somebody who hated her more than I did.
Like who?
You might want to read the trial transcript.
You ever been?
Monaco?
Wanted to when I was a kid, but
I think I just wanted to get over Edinburgh.
Edinburgh seems nice.
I wasn't in this bit.
Parcel for Jason Craig?
The police do deliveries.
How did she die? Are you...
- Are you allowed to tell me? - She was drowned.
Your husband's bag was found in her hotel room.
It contained nearly £20,000 in cash.
Yes, I gave it to her.
Why?
Well, we were old friends.
Oh, God, this is awful.
Very generous gift.
Well, I wanted her to take more.
I own a gallery.
I've been lucky.
Is your husband all right with you giving away this cash?
It's mine to give.
He's on a work trip overseas.
He's been there a week.
And where were you two nights ago?
I was here.
Of course I was here. I've got a toddler.
Has someone spoken to her dad?
We broke the news to him yesterday.
No. I mean, that's why I gave her the money.
So she wouldn't have to stay with him.
And his belt.
Or even see him.
So he hit her?
And me sometimes.
He even got to her in prison.
Went for her in the visitor room.
I just wish that she'd used that money
to get to the other side of the world.
Waverley is set during the Jacobite rebellion,
when treason was punishable by gibbeting.
Death in a cage, basically.
The idea behind it was to send a message
to anyone thinking of betraying the cause.
There's definitely been a betrayal in this case.
But since we're not in the middle of a civil war,
the betrayal is probably going to be a bit more...
domestic.
I'm sorry. I said I'd check the trial stuff earlier.
It's fine. I've got it now.
We've got something on the dad.
Hmm. You're not the only ones.
He made a few visits to the prison, but then got banned for violence.
And he drove there. They logged his plates. He said he didn't drive.
I've got confirmation that he was removed from court
because he was shouting about how she was bringing shame on his family.
He even called for the death penalty.
I guess she got it.
What does the friend do?
She's an art dealer. She had some up at home.
What's it like?
So, out of everything, that's what you're interested in?
You know, is it abstract, figurative, symbolic?
Just kind of, like, hang in there?
On the wall.
It's not your thing. It's fine.
Check CCTV. Let's see her collect this money.
Avengers assemble.
Sorry.
Well, an early version.
I was halfway to the road. I had an Uber coming.
This is the best bit.
If I die, it's on you.
You can swim, though, right?
See? You're doing great.
It's OK for you.
- You're into this stuff. - So are you now.
Hey!
Femi!
You're OK.
You're OK. It's fine.
You need me to come and get you?
I can easily get a hold of a car.
Or I can see if Astrid's free.
Or Michael's wife, you know.
At a... at a... at a push.
It's OK. I'm going to stay.
I'm so sorry I made you go on this trip and you nearly drowned.
I didn't nearly drown. I'm fine.
I'd better go.
Femi's trying to organise a parade or something.
Stay brave. Stay proud.
I mean, that's heroic friend stuff, isn't it?
Big crisis.
She throws herself into danger, doesn't even think about it.
She's got years of credit with her pal now, that's for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, she definitely has.
Does he have to stand here like this?
It's very intimidating.
Just so you know...
... I have a problem with anyone
that touches a hair on her own child's head.
Anyone who makes them cry.
Anyone who makes them scared, even for a second.
So I apologise if it comes over
- with the way I stand. - Hey,
I didn't even want a kid in the first place. It was her mother.
Or anyone that makes them feel unwanted.
See if you can get the whole list. Go on, Bruce.
So why the loving father act?
Don't relatives get some kind of compensation
when their kid is murdered?
Well, not if they did it.
Well, I didn't do it.
And I'll give you the name of the bookie,
- he'll tell you where I was all night. - Aye, you'll do that.
I still get comments after what she did.
Nearly lost my job here.
- It was my bloody car. - The car you can't drive?
I had her pal go and take it.
Had to get a new one.
What pal?
The stuck up one.
Always talking back, mouthy little...
There was no report of two people in the car?
Apparently. She dropped her pal off before the accident.
Lucky for her.
Someone at the trial said...
... your daughter looked noble...
... on the stand.
It's a weird word to describe her.
Not one I'd use.
Like she'd done something loyal.
Like what?
You're not going to understand that concept, are you, Bruce?
The cameras at Edinburgh Waverley
do not show a happy reunion between old mates.
It's a very bad temper exchange.
Even though she's getting 20 grand.
The gallery owner looks really freaked by it.
And the parcel outside her door was delivered the night of the murder.
The courier says the house was empty.
Her phone pinged near the gallery the day of the murder.
I'm just checking streetcams.
Could have been going to work, I guess.
- Or maybe meeting a friend. - Is she there now?
I think so.
There's an exhibit about to be installed.
Oh, can you see if the gallery has a van?
Shall we take a floor each?
Yeah, she's going to feel cornered, though,
so keep your wits about you.
So this gallery owner was the one who was driving the car.
But her mate took the blame for it.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Would you do a time for someone?
It depends on what they'd done.
I'd want a lot more than 20 grand for it.
Yeah, I think her mate feels the same.
Do you always get this many lifts?
Blair has the victim on her street camera a block away from here
in the afternoon she was killed.
Look at this.
A painted cage.
Which seems to be missing.
She's coming out of the lift.
Firearm!
Armed suspect at Riverview Bank Gallery.
Looks like a shotgun.
Four officers on the scene.
No, it won't fire.
I'm fairly sure it won't fire.
Look, it...
It's art! It's...
Um...
It is art, isn't it, Briony?
Shotgun wedding or something. Ah.
This one.
Painted.
Like the cage. Is that the artist's thing?
It would be a lot safer for all of us
if you just let me walk out of here.
Yeah. Yeah, it would.
Pretty sure I'm right, though.
Just as I am about you driving the car when it crashed.
You offered to make it right...
if your friend took the blame.
She was my friend then.
Didn't feel that way when she came out.
That toughens you up, prison.
She turned into her father.
Cold,
mean.
She wanted more money.
More everything.
Did she threaten you?
And my son.
He was here, too.
She told me I'd never know if he was safe.
That she'd come back again and again.
And she was right up in my face and...
I pushed her
down the stairs.
She hit her head.
And I just
sat there...
in the dark.
And took her away in an exhibit?
I thought she was already dead.
- It's okay. You don't have to do this. - I'm fine.
I have a child.
Well, we've all got children.
Um, thanks for the opportunity.
Well, you weren't the back-up at all.
If you ever need, you know, like stuff
- for the future... - I'll call you first.
Then Abel can leave them.
So, listen.
There was quite a big gap between Scott writing Waverly
and it getting published.
Why is that? Do you know?
I think it was just sitting in a drawer somewhere
until one day he was scrabbling around for a fishing tackle, wasn't it?
And he found it.
I guess he thought it wasn't doing any good hidden away,
so he just put it out there.
Makes sense. Thanks.
- Oh, after you. See you. - See you.
Oh, apparently the tent died.
We'll get you a new one.
- She's wearing my hat. - Is that thing yours?
Yeah, it must have been left in a tent from a festival.
It's the only thing that kept my hair at bay.
She looks great, doesn't she?
Yeah, she does.
Quick drink?
- I've got a surprise for you. - Yeah.
Me too.
This is the Sprite.
It's a Walter's, eh?
They're not dry at all, actually.
Must be the rum. I quite like them.
I'm glad it's turned you around.
- You still got the puppy? - We traced the owner.
He's worse than Billy.
I think we're going to keep it.
It's the last stray I can bring home, mate.
OK, well...
About that.
OK, welcome back.
I understand if you have some very strong feelings about this.
Our next act sounds great.
Please give it up for Detective Inspector Annika Strandhed.
- You said you were funny. - You stand me up.
So, that was a surprise.
But then, um...
Well, it's been a surprising day.
And, um...
Surprises aren't over, frankly.
Let's hear a shout-out to Walter Scott.
Thank you, sir. Only one Scott fan in tonight.
But let me tell you, he's very insightful.
And he shed a lot of light
on the case of a dead woman
who was pulled out of the water
after being pushed down some stairs,
stuffed in an artwork and drowned.
She was found bloated and gibbeted in a cage,
which, as it happens, is the punishment for treason.
Although I don't know who was the treacherous one there.
It's not always clear.
When a friendship breaks down.
I suppose you had to be there.
I was there and it still wasn't funny.
OK, so here's another one.
And I've been working on this one for a while now.
- Two detectives walk into a comedy club. - Nailed it.
There are these two detectives and...
... one stands at the mic and in a clear voice says...
... to the other one that
he's the father of her teenage daughter.
And that particular joke has been hidden away in a drawer
for many years, so you probably haven't heard that one.
You've been a great audience. Goodnight.
I'm here all week.