1 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,920 I couldn't believe I had done it. 2 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,520 Was it a moment of madness or an attempt at self-destruction? 3 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,640 I wasn't sure. 4 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,480 I went to unfriend her many times, but I always stopped myself. 5 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:32,120 She is ill, misunderstood. There are two sides to every story. 6 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,320 If you aren't living a life worth living, then can someone ruin it at all? 7 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,080 Then came the comments on all my photos, 8 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,920 some as far back as when I first opened the account. 9 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,680 Jealous remarks on photos with my ex-girlfriend Keeley, 10 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,520 alongside these bizarre captions describing my every move. 11 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,880 Well, Tony, whatever you're doing, it's working. 12 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,280 What do you mean? 13 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,520 I'm just saying, 14 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,640 we've met six times now. 15 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,920 All you do is crack jokes then leave early. 16 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:19,440 A girl should be insulted, but I hate that it intrigues me. 17 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,400 Well, I like to take it slow. I'm a gentleman in that respect. 18 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:26,160 You never walk me to the Tube. You never tell me about your life. 19 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,840 You're not on Facebook. 20 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,520 I can't tell if you're genuine 21 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,400 or I'm gonna wake up one day inside a true-crime podcast. 22 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,040 Well, what do you wanna know? 23 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,440 Mmm. 24 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,320 Tell me why you always insist on coming here. 25 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,640 Well, lots of reasons. Great atmosphere. 26 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,000 Yes, you can always judge a great bar 27 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,240 by how many people are reading the Financial Times. 28 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:56,720 It's so dark too. I feel all I do is squint at you all evening. 29 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,480 Ah, well, don't squint, then. Just let your eyes fuzz. 30 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,680 I really come into my own when I'm in a soft focus. 31 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,840 You're so weird. 32 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,320 - Am I? - It's fine. I like weird. 33 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,040 We're all varying degrees of weird, aren't we? Pretending to be human. 34 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,760 Ah, that's good, that is. Yeah, I'll use that. 35 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,600 Mm. Philosophy go down well on the construction site, does it, Tony? 36 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,640 I met Teri by signing up to a trans dating website. 37 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,080 I changed my name from Donny to Tony 38 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,160 and invented a job and an entire persona as a means of keeping myself disguised. 39 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,160 I hated myself for doing it, 40 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,440 {\an8}but I just couldn't bear the thought of anyone finding out. 41 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,000 I never expected to fall in love. 42 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,240 - Hi. - Hey. 43 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,440 She was brilliant. Fierce, witty, unashamed. 44 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,880 Everything I was not. 45 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,600 A therapist who moved to London six years ago 46 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,920 and was now working in the heart of the city. 47 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,840 The more we laughed and chatted and wound down the clock until morning, 48 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,640 the more and more I fell for her. 49 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,480 You know something's right 50 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,800 when you get that tingly feeling behind your eyes when you talk to them. 51 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,800 But then I would think about bumping into someone I knew together, 52 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,760 from the pub or from the comedy world, 53 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,760 that they could tell somehow that I was dating a trans woman, 54 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,120 and I just couldn't move past the bullshit of my shame. 55 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,120 So when it came to meeting outside, 56 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,600 I kept our dates to a dim cocktail bar on the edge of town. 57 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:31,560 Well, 58 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,600 Tony, 59 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,720 are you gonna say something? 60 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,240 I always meant to tell her about Tony, 61 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,920 but the more I fell for her, the more I found myself putting it off. 62 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,920 There he is. Frankie, baby. 63 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,160 Martha. Um... 64 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,720 Uh, hi. 65 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,760 Honestly, where were you last night? You need to tell me if you're not working. 66 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,400 Kept thinking of you floating in that canal somewhere, face down. 67 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,680 The one you go through when you walk to the bus from work. 68 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,960 All sorts of weird fuckers down that way. Junkies and thieves. All kinds. 69 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:22,960 Asians. 70 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,480 - You should be careful. - Uh... 71 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,560 Oh my God, been loving your Facebook page by the way. 72 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,400 Don't know what I think of the tarts you surround yourself with. 73 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,200 That Keeley Leigh one in particular. 74 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,040 The way she's always hugging you and burrowing her nose into your nape. 75 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,160 I mean, how desperate can one tart be? 76 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,480 Can you imagine it? 77 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,160 Uh... 78 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,480 So, who are you texting? 79 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,680 - I'm sorry? - Wasn't that Keeley bint, was it? 80 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,480 No, Martha. If you must know, Keeley's just an old friend, okay? 81 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,200 Men and women can't be friends. 82 00:05:58,720 --> 00:05:59,600 You fucking her? 83 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,240 What? No, Martha, I'm not. Now, will you drop it, please? 84 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,480 Oh my God. I'm sorry, reindeer. 85 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,520 I'm a nightmare, I know. I was getting carried away with myself. 86 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,760 I'm just not very good with competition, see? 87 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,360 Tends to bring out the worst in me. 88 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,440 - How so? - Oh, lots of ways, really. 89 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:23,240 I find myself getting lost on the Internet trying to find out everything about them. 90 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,800 But don't worry, reindeer. I know you're single. 91 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,760 You don't sing into a girl's soul like that with a tart on the side. 92 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,600 That'd be cruel. 93 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,400 I wouldn't abide by that. 94 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,560 Anyway, I'll get you inside. 95 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,160 I couldn't sleep that night for fear of Martha finding out about Teri. 96 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:55,680 What would happen then? 97 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,280 I made a vow to keep them as far apart as possible. 98 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,800 I figured the easier thing to do would be to keep Teri away from Martha. 99 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,480 Hey, Teri! 100 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,640 What are you doing here? 101 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,400 Holy shit. 102 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,240 There's, like, hundreds just today. 103 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,720 Have you read all these? 104 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,640 No, there's not enough time in the day to read all of them. 105 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,120 Some of these are... 106 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,040 I mean, she's clearly unwell. 107 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,720 Yeah. That's why I think we should lay low for a while. 108 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,240 Why does she call you Donny? 109 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,400 Oh, she... she calls me lots of things. Um... 110 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,000 Funny bones, nipple-head-- 111 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,520 Baby reindeer? 112 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,560 I'm assuming she's not a lawyer. 113 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,720 No, she can't be. Spends all day sitting in the Heart. 114 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,080 The Heart? The pub in Camden? 115 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,880 - Uh, what did I say? The Heart. 116 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,000 Is that where you met? 117 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,280 Uh, yeah, I'm just trying to remember, actually. 118 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,560 Well, there's only one Heart in Camden. 119 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,880 I don't go there anymore. 120 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,680 According to these, you were there yesterday. 121 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,280 I wasn't. She's just lying. 122 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,040 What are the police saying to all this? 123 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,400 Oh, I... I don't think it merits... 124 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,400 I mean, it's not that bad. 125 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,080 But bad enough that we need to lay low for a while. 126 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,120 Why haven't you reported this? 127 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,200 I don't know. She's just batty. 128 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,760 I mean, apart from a few random emails, it really isn't all that much. 129 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,680 I just didn't wanna drag you into it. 130 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,960 Not that much? 131 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,800 She's a fantasist who's fabricated an entire identity for herself. 132 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,880 Does that not scream alarm bells, Tony? 133 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,600 I don't know about that. People lie for all sorts of reasons. 134 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,120 Not like this they don't. 135 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,440 Promise me you'll shut this down. 136 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,720 Because I'm not hiding from anyone. 137 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,360 If you don't, I might have to come to Camden 138 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,920 and pay her a visit myself. 139 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,120 It was like some crazy nightmare, where each lie and wrong decision 140 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,880 somehow bound Martha and Teri closer together. 141 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,640 Like the universe was punishing me 142 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,720 every single time I tried to cower my way out of the situation. 143 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:20,960 Jeezo, nipple! 144 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,720 Fifteen minutes I've been here worrying my head off about you. 145 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,720 Honestly! You need to tell me when you're running late. 146 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,360 At least give me your goddamn phone number so I won't have to worry so much. 147 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,200 Come on, you know the drill, nipple. 148 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,000 Quick Diet Coke to wet the whistle, and I'll be offski. 149 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:42,800 £2.50, please. 150 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,040 - You never charge me. - I have to. 151 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,320 - I can't afford it. - Thought you were a lawyer, no? 152 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,920 What you being weird for? 153 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,640 I'm not. I just think it's time we drew a few boundaries. 154 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,600 You said about the curtains. 155 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,120 I know. That was a joke. I'm a comedian. I make jokes. 156 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,520 What? So... 157 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,720 this has all been... one big wind-up, has it? 158 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:15,000 Crazy Martha... with her big brain. Joke's on her? 159 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,760 No, no, it's... it's not like that. 160 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,640 You've said a lot of shit to me, reindeer. 161 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,040 Yeah. No, Martha, uh, please don't cry. 162 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,920 What? 163 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,920 Are you saying you've never had feelings for me? 164 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,000 No. No, I'm not saying that, obviously. 165 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,400 - I think you're... great. It's just... 166 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,320 What is it? 167 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,160 - Well, what is it? - The age gap. 168 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,000 But there's not that much of an age gap. 169 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,840 Yeah, but by the time I want kids, 170 00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,800 you know, like a big family, it's... it's... it's gonna matter. 171 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,400 Oh, that'd be tricky. 172 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,320 Yeah. 173 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,720 This fucking world. 174 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,640 All it does is take from you. 175 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,360 That night, Martha flooded my account with email after email 176 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,640 detailing periods, tampons, blood clots, 177 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,320 reinforcing this image of her fertility. 178 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,360 There was no excuse now, in her eyes. 179 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,840 We were becoming a thing. 180 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,200 ♪ My name is... ♪ 181 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,960 Quick! Reindeer! 182 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,920 Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Open! 183 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,880 Every morning now, Martha would arrive 184 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,880 exactly two hours before the pub opened. 185 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,000 Then all day she would trail me around the bar, 186 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,160 talking endlessly about our future together. 187 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,280 I've thought hard about it, and my answer's yes. 188 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,560 - Yes to what? - Kids, marriage, the full nine yards. 189 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,640 I never said anything about marriage. 190 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,920 Everywhere I turned, she just seemed to be there, 191 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:22,200 popping up at the most inopportune moments to talk about our future together. 192 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,680 Our wedding day, what we were gonna call our kids... 193 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,680 I think I can do three if we move quickly. 194 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,600 I've even been thinking of what to call them too. Here. 195 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,000 ...the image of which horrified me almost as much as the names she'd chosen. 196 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,280 I tried to distance myself, 197 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,800 but she still persevered with the same dead-eyed commitment. 198 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,240 - Need a hand, Frankie baby? - What? No, I'm fine. 199 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,640 Do you like that? "Frankie baby"? 200 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,880 From the duet. Frankie Sinatra. He had a gorgeous tush too. 201 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,360 - Boop. - I've got hot fucking plates in my hand. 202 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,840 - Will you stop fussing around me? - I've got tickets to the semifinal. 203 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:56,920 What? 204 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,800 Tickets. For your competition. Gonna come down and empty my lungs. 205 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,680 Been learning a new duet too. I'm thinking Kylie and Jason this time. 206 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,400 - You're coming to the competition? Absolutely. 207 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,720 And I thought, after your semi, I could give you a full erection. 208 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,000 We need to bar Martha. 209 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,720 What? No chance. 210 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,960 That'd be like barring a year's worth of banter. 211 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,800 Let's be honest, Donny. You're nothing without her. 212 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,560 Just hear me out. Gino, can you leave? 213 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,560 No. What you can say in front of me, you can say in front of the missus. 214 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,160 Look, I'm just getting a bad feeling. 215 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:37,040 I mean, look at all these emails she's been sending me. Here. 216 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:44,000 Oh man. Oh, shit, man. That's... That is proper nuts. 217 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,640 - Get my point? I don't know. 218 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,880 Barring is complicated these days. 219 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,240 Unless you've got evidence, it can come back on us. 220 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,560 - How'd she get your email? - It doesn't matter. 221 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,560 All that matters is she did get it, 222 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,400 and now we have all the evidence we need to bar her, right? 223 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,920 There's plenty of evidence here. You read this one? 224 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,840 Oh no. No, that... that is brutal. 225 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,920 - Which one is that? - The one where you beg her for anal sex. 226 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,560 - What are you talking about? - Here. 227 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,080 Looks to me like you've been begging her for anal sex, mate. 228 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,840 You wrote back. Are you fucking kidding me? 229 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,040 Shit, you actually sent it. 230 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,880 Are you stupid? Are you a fucking moron? 231 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,800 Oh, chill. She'll see it as a joke. 232 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,640 It was incredible, really, just how quickly 233 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,600 things seemed to be falling apart. 234 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,040 Oh. 235 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:41,840 Hi, is that Jason? 236 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,760 Hi, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Donny. I'm just, um... 237 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,240 I... I'm sorry to call so late. 238 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,360 I'm just wondering if I can move my semifinal to the other date? 239 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,680 Yeah, I have to tend to some family shit, which means I can't do the current one. 240 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,040 Oh man, you're a hero! 241 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,840 Thanks, Jase. Can I call you Jase? 242 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,640 All right. Thanks, Jason. Bye, mate. Bye. 243 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,520 ♪ We will arise ♪ 244 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,120 ♪ We will control ♪ 245 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,240 ♪ We will command ♪ 246 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,200 ♪ They shall prevail ♪ 247 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,640 ♪ We will patrol ♪ 248 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,120 ♪ They will patrol Arise ♪ 249 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,520 Oh, wow! You made it. 250 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,440 I picked the gayest bar intentionally just to see if you'd crack. 251 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,160 I know you did. So what do I do? Do I avoid breathing in the air particles? 252 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,080 Oh, shut up! 253 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,360 You'd be pretty damn intolerable if you didn't get irony. 254 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,400 - I'll take that as a compliment. - Mmm, you should. 255 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,960 Did I give you consent to put your arms around my waist? 256 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,200 You did, actually, when you turned up in that skimpy little dress. 257 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,400 Are you drunk already? 258 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200 Ah, just on love. 259 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,440 Oh, go away. 260 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,040 - I'm serious. You should meet her someday. 261 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,000 Oh my God, I fucking love this song. Come on, let's dance. Let's dance. 262 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,080 - I didn't have you down as a dancer. - I'm not but I'll drag you down with me. 263 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,320 ♪ Here in my car, I feel safest of all I can lock all... ♪ 264 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,720 Honestly, what have you done with him? Where's Tony? 265 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,800 I'm his twin. He sends me to seal the deal for him. 266 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,640 Well, tell him that's illegal. 267 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:36,920 What is? 268 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,600 Sleeping with someone under a false identity. 269 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,200 Is it? 270 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,440 Yeah, of course. 271 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,920 What's your name, then, twinny? 272 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,600 Uh, Donny. 273 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,440 Oh. 274 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,920 Weird. That's what Martha calls you. 275 00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,600 Yeah, um... 276 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,040 ♪ Here in my car... ♪ 277 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,120 Are you okay? 278 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,680 Yeah. Yeah. Um, tell you what, let me just, um... 279 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,680 One second, yeah? 280 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,720 Fuck's sake! 281 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,640 Are you okay? 282 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,360 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Um, shall we get a drink? 283 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,360 I think you should maybe slow down a bit. 284 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,520 - Okay. Here. Sit. 285 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,320 Have some water. 286 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,360 Oh, fuck. 287 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,240 Did something happen to you today? You seem troubled. 288 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,600 No, I'm fine. 289 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,560 Martha, by any chance? 290 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,800 Something tells me I'm gonna enjoy this. 291 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,760 No, I just, um... I thought I'd let her down gently 292 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,680 by making out that I wanted kids and stuff. 293 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,920 Oh, this gets better and better. 294 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,720 - Do you wanna know what I think? - I think you're gonna tell me anyway. 295 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960 I think you're enjoying this. 296 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,240 You've read a few emails. Stop acting like you know the situation. 297 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,480 You know, I googled her. 298 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,240 Why didn't you tell me that she'd been to jail before? 299 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,400 Didn't seem relevant. 300 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,640 See what I mean? 301 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,240 Any sane person who was getting stalked by a violent ex-convict 302 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,160 wouldn't hesitate to go to the police. 303 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,200 But not you. 304 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,440 To you, she's harmless. 305 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,320 To you, she's sympathetic. 306 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,160 To you, it's not relevant? 307 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,640 I'm just saying, there's a reason you're keeping her around, 308 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,840 and maybe it's not so much who she is, but... 309 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,240 what she gives you. 310 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,360 Because let's be honest, 311 00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,400 love is most comforting, isn't it, when it's felt one way. 312 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,120 Why else do you think I'm here? 313 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,040 You're a tremendous liar. 314 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,560 Come back with me tonight. 315 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,520 Just don't tell Tony. 316 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,440 Okay. 317 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,720 Sometimes you create such a web of lies that you almost forget 318 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,000 what you started running from in the first place. 319 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,760 But here I was, the woman of my dreams before me, 320 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,440 Tony the builder, four stops away from a sex crime. 321 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,480 Oh my God. 322 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,600 I'm way drunker than I thought I was. 323 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,560 Annoyingly, just as my sobriety returns. 324 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,240 Oh my God, I'm so sorry! 325 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,720 Just keep still, will you? 326 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,080 I think I just stepped on an old lady. 327 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,840 Just... just keep it down a bit, yeah? 328 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,600 You care too much. 329 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,160 I don't encourage drug addiction, but I think it might be good for you. 330 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,200 Here, give me your hands. 331 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,640 When you do your building work, do you put a new set of hands on? 332 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,400 What do you mean? 333 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:40,480 It's just they're not very calloused for a builder. 334 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,480 Oh, these are my wanking hands. I swap them round every day. 335 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,720 You ever tried wanking with calloused hands? 336 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,720 I was rather looking forward to it. 337 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,280 What's it gonna take for you to finally give me a proper kiss? 338 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,120 Sorry, what was that? 339 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:16,560 Kiss me. 340 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,760 It is so devastating to think of yourself as a progressive person, 341 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,400 only to realize you're a coward underneath it all. 342 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,680 But when you spend so long swallowing your shame, 343 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,400 it is so hard to stop it becoming part of you. 344 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,080 You filthy fucker. 345 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,000 I've never taken it up the chufter, but I might make concessions for you. 346 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,880 Please, Martha. I just need to go home. 347 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,280 You got a choice, boy. 348 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,040 Kids or bum fun. 349 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,680 'Cause I don't know what they taught you in those Fife comprehensives, 350 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,480 but if you stick it in the two, 351 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,160 then you don't get the 2.4. 352 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,880 - Do you know what I mean? - Martha, just go back home. 353 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,160 You're really getting on my nerves with this dilly-dally, hot-and-cold shit! 354 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,160 - Get out of my way, Martha. No! 355 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,240 I've already given parts of myself away to you. 356 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,680 So the least you can do is piece me back together 357 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,760 with some bloody justification. 358 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,200 Because let me tell you this for size. 359 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,480 Men who don't fancy me 360 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,240 are either blind or gay. 361 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,800 I don't see you reaching for the banister when you climb the stairs. 362 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,240 No, I'm not fucking gay, Martha. Jesus. 363 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,080 Then stop pushing me away. 364 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,480 I can help you, you know? 365 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:30,800 Help with what? 366 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,000 The person. 367 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,920 - The one that hurt you. - I don't know what you're talking about. 368 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,480 It was a man, wasn't it? 369 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,360 What did he do to you? 370 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,000 Okay, I'm just gonna leave, yeah? 371 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,840 I'm just gonna turn and walk away, and you're not to follow. 372 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,000 Do you understand? 373 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:00,080 Good. 374 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,520 I'm not playing here, Martha. 375 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,200 Yes, you are, Mr. Blobby. Tag! 376 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,000 - What the fuck are you doing? - Do you like it? Mr. Blobby. 377 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,840 I'm Mrs. Blobby 'cause I'm always on the blob. 378 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:19,320 - Tag! - Get off me. 379 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:20,320 Tag! - Fuck off. 380 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,600 - Tag! - I'm serious, Martha. Get off me! 381 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,120 I'm not messing here. Keep your hands to yourself. 382 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,120 Jesus fucking Christ. 383 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,640 Oh, fuck's sake. I'm serious, Martha. Stop right now. 384 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,560 Fucking back off! 385 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,320 - Martha. 386 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,120 Martha, what are you doing? 387 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,680 Tag! - What the fuck? 388 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,000 - Tag! - I told you to stop! 389 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,840 Martha, I'm serious. Keep your fucking hands to yourself. 390 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,120 - Fuck off-- - Tag! 391 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,560 Martha, wait. Just stop. 392 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,480 Keep still. 393 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:17,680 You're beating. 394 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:22,960 I'm making you beat. 395 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:38,400 ♪ The words of love are not enough ♪ 396 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:43,160 ♪ Though sweet as wine As thick as blood ♪ 397 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:48,240 ♪ Passionless moments And we are homeless ♪ 398 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,880 ♪ Out on the street ♪ 399 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:57,480 ♪ A junkie's song, a dancer's knees ♪ 400 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:02,280 ♪ The laws of chance Strange as it seems ♪ 401 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,680 ♪ Take us exactly ♪ 402 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:10,600 ♪ Where we most likely need to be ♪