1
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,920
我竟然幹這種蠢事

2
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,120
到底是一時瘋狂,還是有自毀傾向?

3
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,640
我也不確定

4
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,800
我有好幾次想解除朋友關係

5
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,480
但每次都克制住

6
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,720
她有病、受人誤解
不要只從一個角度看事情

7
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,520
如果你的生命沒價值
別人還能毀了你嗎?

8
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,080
然後她在我的每張照片上留言

9
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,520
連我剛開帳號時的照片都不放過

10
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,680
對我前女友齊莉的照片吃醋

11
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,520
還以奇怪字眼形容我的一舉一動

12
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,680
(飢渴的馴鹿)

13
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,840
(好動的馴鹿)

14
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,200
(鹿搞笑)

15
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,000
(快樂的馴鹿)

16
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,680
(瑪莎史考特)

17
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:14,200
{\an8}(你在媽?)

18
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,000
{\an8}(今晚好浪漫,巡鹿!)

19
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,920
{\an8}(我們正室交往了嗎?)

20
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,920
{\an8}(瑪莎,那次不是約會,是)

21
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,640
(你在打字?幹麻停?)

22
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,920
(是不是有別仁?)

23
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,560
(馴鹿,有別仁嗎?)

24
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,680
(你都布回答問題,馴鹿寶貝)

25
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,520
(從我的蘋果手機傳送)

26
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,640
《馴鹿寶貝》

27
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,880
東尼,我不知道你用哪招,但是有效

28
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,280
什麼意思?

29
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,640
我只是說

30
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,640
我們見面六次了

31
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,920
你都只開玩笑、很早就走

32
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,480
普通女生會覺得受辱

33
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,440
我卻覺得心癢癢

34
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,720
我喜歡慢慢來

35
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,960
我在這方面是正人君子

36
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,120
你不送我去搭捷運,不聊生活瑣事

37
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,840
沒用臉書

38
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,520
真不知你是真心的

39
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,560
還是我有一天會變成社會版新聞

40
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,040
你想知道什麼?

41
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,320
你為什麼老是堅持來這裡

42
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,640
理由很多,氣氛很棒

43
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,000
對,要判斷酒吧高不高級

44
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,840
就看多少客人在看《金融時報》

45
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,720
這裡也很暗,我整晚都瞇著眼睛看你

46
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,480
那就別瞇眼睛,看不清楚也行

47
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,680
我在柔焦時才能發揮實力

48
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,080
你這人好怪

49
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,680
- 是嗎?
- 沒關係,我喜歡怪人

50
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,040
每個人或多或少都怪,人都會偽裝

51
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,840
這句好,我可以用這句

52
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,600
原來聊哲學在工地很吃香啊,東尼

53
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,640
我在跨性別交友網站上認識泰瑞

54
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,080
還把名字從唐尼改成東尼

55
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,360
更捏造職業和背景資料隱瞞身分

56
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,160
我也不喜歡這樣

57
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,520
{\an8}但又怕東窗事發

58
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,440
{\an8}(送出)

59
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,000
完全沒想到會墜入愛河

60
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,240
- 嗨
- 嗨

61
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,440
她聰明、狂熱、風趣、坦然

62
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,880
跟我完全相反

63
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,600
她是諮商心理師,六年前搬到倫敦

64
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,840
目前在市中心工作

65
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,840
我們越有說有笑,越常聊到早上

66
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,640
我就越喜歡她

67
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,560
我知道這次對了

68
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,800
因為我跟她講話時,大腦就會酥麻

69
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,400
但我又怕在一起時碰到在酒吧

70
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,760
或者喜劇圈認識的人

71
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,760
他們會發現我跟跨性別女性交往

72
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,120
我就是跨不出個人恥辱感的障礙

73
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,120
所以如果要到外面碰頭

74
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,600
我都會挑市郊燈光昏暗的雞尾酒吧

75
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:31,720
那麼...

76
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:33,720
東尼

77
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,880
你要說什麼嗎?

78
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,840
我一直想講東尼的事

79
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,520
可是我越喜歡她,就越是拖下去

80
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,280
(你為什麼不蛔答問提?)

81
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,240
(從我的蘋果手機傳送)

82
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,960
(傳給泰瑞:昨晚很愉快
星期五同一地點嗎?)

83
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,920
法蘭基寶貝在這裡

84
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,160
瑪莎

85
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,600
- 嗨
- 說真的

86
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,760
你昨晚去哪裡?你休假一定要跟我說

87
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,440
我一直擔心你變成運河裡的浮屍

88
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,680
你搭公車會經過的運河

89
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,960
那邊有好多他媽的怪人
毒蟲、小偷,什麼都有

90
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:22,960
還有東方人

91
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,080
你要小心點

92
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,560
天啊,我也很喜歡你的臉書專頁

93
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,000
你身邊的婊子就不予置評了

94
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,200
尤其那個李齊莉

95
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,240
她老是那樣抱你
把鼻子埋在你的脖子裡

96
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,480
這種婊子是有多飢渴?

97
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,480
你能想像嗎?

98
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,680
你傳訊息給誰?

99
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:49,880
什麼?

100
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,680
不是齊莉那個馬子吧?

101
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,480
瑪莎,齊莉只是我的老朋友

102
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,440
男人跟女人沒有純友誼

103
00:05:58,720 --> 00:05:59,600
你幹過她嗎?

104
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,240
什麼?瑪莎,我沒有
拜託別講了好嗎?

105
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,480
天啊,對不起,馴鹿

106
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,520
我知道我很恐怖,有點昏頭了

107
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,760
我只是一碰到情敵就變壞

108
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,360
會露出惡劣的一面

109
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,440
怎麼說?

110
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,880
其實是很多面

111
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:23,280
我會拚命上網,查出對方的大小事

112
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,920
可是別擔心,馴鹿,我知道你單身

113
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,840
有馬子就不該跟別的女生搞曖昧

114
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,600
那樣太殘忍了

115
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,560
我無法接受

116
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,640
反正我們酒吧裡見

117
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,160
我那天夜不成眠,就怕瑪莎發現泰瑞

118
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,440
(我膩了,來這裡吧)

119
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:55,880
到時會怎麼樣?

120
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,280
我私下發誓,要讓她們離得遠遠的

121
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,800
比較簡單的做法,是讓泰瑞遠離瑪莎

122
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,040
喂,泰瑞

123
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,640
你怎麼跑來了?

124
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,400
哇靠

125
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,240
光是今天就有幾百封

126
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,080
你都看過了嗎?

127
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,640
沒有,白天時間不夠

128
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,320
有幾封...

129
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,240
她的精神一定有問題

130
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,720
對,所以我們應該低調一陣子

131
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,440
她為什麼叫你唐尼?

132
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,040
她幫我取了很多綽號

133
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,000
好笑骨頭、奶頭...

134
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,520
馴鹿寶貝?

135
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,680
我看她不是律師

136
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,720
不可能,她整天都泡在“心跳”裡

137
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,080
“心跳”?康登區那間酒吧?

138
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,480
- 我剛才說什麼?
-“心跳”

139
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,000
你們在那裡認識的?

140
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,280
對,其實我在努力回想

141
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,560
康登區只有一間“心跳”

142
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,880
我已經不去了

143
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,680
郵件說你們昨天有去

144
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,360
我沒有,她騙人

145
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,040
警察怎麼說?

146
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,560
我覺得最好不...

147
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,400
沒那麼嚴重

148
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,120
但嚴重到我們要低調一陣子?

149
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,120
你怎麼還沒報案?

150
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,200
不知道,她只是怪怪的

151
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,920
除了幾封電子郵件,其實也沒什麼

152
00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,680
我只是不想把你拖下水

153
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,960
“沒什麼”?

154
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,800
她滿腦子幻想
幫自己捏造整個假身分

155
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,200
你不覺得危險嗎,東尼?

156
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,600
我不知道,人說謊有很多原因

157
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,120
但是不會像這樣

158
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,440
你要保證跟她斷絕往來

159
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,720
因為我是不會躲藏的

160
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,360
如果你不肯,我可能就要去康登區

161
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,040
親自拜會對方

162
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,120
簡直是惡夢,每個謊言和錯誤決定

163
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,880
反而讓瑪莎和泰瑞越走越近

164
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,680
好像宇宙在懲罰我

165
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,720
因為我一直用畏縮的方式躲避問題

166
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:20,960
天啊,奶頭

167
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,720
我在這裡等了15分鐘,擔心死了

168
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,720
真的啦,你遲到一定要告訴我

169
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,360
至少給我電話號碼,免得我他媽擔心

170
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,800
快,老樣子,奶頭

171
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,040
我喝杯健怡可樂就馬上要走

172
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:42,800
麻煩2.5英鎊

173
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,160
以前都不用

174
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,120
這次得收

175
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,320
- 我出不起
- 你不是律師?

176
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,920
幹嘛這樣怪怪的?

177
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,640
我沒有,我只是覺得該劃清界限

178
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,600
是你說“房事”的

179
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,120
那是玩笑話,我是諧星,專講笑話

180
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:01,640
所以...

181
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,720
所以你一直...都只是在耍我?

182
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:15,000
瘋婆子瑪莎...冰雪聰明
結果到頭來害到自己?

183
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,760
不是這樣啦

184
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,200
你對我講了很多幹話,馴鹿

185
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,040
瑪莎,請你不要哭

186
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,360
怎樣?

187
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,920
難道你對我一直都沒感覺嗎?

188
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,040
不是,我當然不會這樣說

189
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,400
我覺得你很好,只是...

190
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:41,920
只是什麼?

191
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,440
- 只是什麼啊?
- 年齡差距

192
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,000
我們年紀沒差很多啊

193
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,840
對,可是等我想要小孩時

194
00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,880
例如組個大家庭,那就有問題了

195
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,400
的確有點難

196
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,440
對啊

197
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,840
幹,什麼世界

198
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,880
只會折磨人

199
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,040
(我的昧妹流血啦!流鈔多的!)

200
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,600
(醫生說我卵子跟20歲依樣健康)

201
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,400
(什麼十候來“蛋炒飯”?)

202
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,160
(從我的蘋果手機傳送)

203
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,360
瑪莎那天晚上拚命寄電子郵件給我

204
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,640
鉅細靡遺描寫月經、棉條、血塊

205
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,920
強化她能生的印象

206
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,360
她認為這樣就沒藉口了

207
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,840
我們可以在一起了

208
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,520
馴鹿,快點!

209
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,920
快點,開門

210
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,880
瑪莎現在每天早上
都會在酒吧開門前兩小時到

211
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,000
然後整天在酒吧裡跟著我

212
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,160
滔滔不絕講我們的未來

213
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,280
我想了很久,我答應

214
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,560
- 答應什麼?
- 小孩、結婚,全都行

215
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,240
我沒提過結婚

216
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,920
走到哪裡都會看到她

217
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:22,200
在最不方便的時候
跟我討論兩人的未來

218
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,680
哪天結婚、小孩叫什麼名字...

219
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,680
快一點的話,我能生三個

220
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,680
我也一直在想要叫什麼名字,這裡

221
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:33,000
...光是想到就讓我害怕
跟她選的名字差不多恐怖

222
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,920
(蛋伯特、基斯、尼歐)

223
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,280
我想辦法拉開距離

224
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,800
但她還是一樣堅持到底,死盯著我

225
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,160
- 法蘭基寶貝,要幫忙嗎?
- 不用

226
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,640
喜歡“法蘭基寶貝”嗎?

227
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,880
靈感是辛納屈父女檔
法蘭克辛納屈也有翹臀

228
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,360
媽的,我在端熱食

229
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,840
- 可以不要一直煩我嗎?
- 我有準決賽的票

230
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:56,920
什麼?

231
00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,800
我有你比賽的票,我會去幫忙吆喝

232
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,680
我也有學別的對唱曲
這次是凱莉米洛和傑森唐納文

233
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,400
- 你要來看比賽?
- 一定要的

234
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,720
我想在準決賽後讓你“硬起來”

235
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,000
把瑪莎列入黑名單

236
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,720
什麼?別想

237
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,960
這樣就少了一整年八卦話題

238
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,800
唐尼,說實話,你沒有她等於廢人

239
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,560
聽我說,吉諾,麻煩你出去

240
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,880
不行...你跟我講的話
都能在我老婆面前講

241
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,160
我有很不好的預感

242
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:37,200
你看她傳的這些電子郵件,來

243
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,000
天啊,靠,她真的是瘋了

244
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,640
- 懂了嗎?
- 我不知道

245
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,880
現在黑名單有點敏感

246
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,240
除非有證據,不然我們會有事

247
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,560
- 她怎麼知道你的電子信箱?
- 不重要

248
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,560
重點是她知道了

249
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,000
現在有證據能列入黑名單了吧?

250
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,920
現在有很多證據了,你看這封

251
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000
糟糕,你太狠了

252
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,920
- 哪封?
- 你求她肛交的那封

253
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,560
- 你在講什麼?
- 這裡

254
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,680
看來你在求她肛交,兄弟

255
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,840
你回信了,你他媽鬧什麼?

256
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,040
靠,你真的傳出去

257
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,880
你低能哦?幹你媽白痴哦?

258
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,360
安啦,她會當成笑話

259
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,040
(時間?)

260
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,040
(地點?)

261
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,160
(從我的蘋果手機傳送)

262
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,080
真的很扯

263
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,600
竟然一下子就崩壞成這樣

264
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:41,840
喂,傑森嗎?

265
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,240
對,我是唐尼,抱歉這麼晚打來

266
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,280
我在想,可不可以把準決賽改期?

267
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,680
對,我家裡有事,所以現在這場不行

268
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,640
你對我太好了

269
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,160
謝謝小傑,可以叫你小傑嗎?

270
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,640
好,謝謝傑森,兄弟再見

271
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,520
哇,你到了

272
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,440
我故意挑最同志的酒吧,看你行不行

273
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,160
我知道,所以怎麼辦?
要避免吸進空氣粒子嗎?

274
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,080
閉嘴啦

275
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,360
如果你聽不懂諷刺,我就受不了你了

276
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,400
- 我就當成你在誇我了
- 沒錯

277
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,960
我有說你可以摟我的腰嗎?

278
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,400
其實有,因為你穿這麼清涼的衣服

279
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:04,400
你已經醉了嗎?

280
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200
我只是戀愛了

281
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,440
死相啦

282
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,000
真的,你該認識我的她

283
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,080
天啊,我他媽超愛這首歌,來跳舞吧

284
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,080
- 沒想到你會跳舞
- 我不會,可是我要把你拖下水

285
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,720
說真的,你把東尼怎麼了?他人呢?

286
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,800
我是他雙胞胎弟弟
他派我來幫他“達陣”

287
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,640
跟他說這樣犯法

288
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:36,920
什麼法?

289
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,600
用假身分跟別人上床

290
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,200
真的?

291
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,440
當然囉

292
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,920
雙胞胎弟弟,那你叫什麼?

293
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,600
唐尼

294
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,920
怪了,那不是瑪莎叫你的名字嗎?

295
00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,600
對啊...

296
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,120
你還好吧?

297
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,680
還好,這樣吧,讓我...

298
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,680
等一下哦

299
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,320
我...幹

300
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,640
你還好吧?

301
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,360
我很好,要喝一杯嗎?

302
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,360
你還是休息一下吧

303
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,600
- 好
- 來,坐著

304
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:35,920
喝點水

305
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,400
幹

306
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,240
你今天怎麼了嗎?好像有心事

307
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,600
沒有,我沒事

308
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,640
難道是因為瑪莎?

309
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,840
我看以後一定有得玩了

310
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,760
我只是...我以為跟她說我想要小孩

311
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,680
就能給她軟釘子

312
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,920
劇情越來越精彩了

313
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,720
- 想知道我的看法嗎?
- 反正你一定會跟我說

314
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960
我覺得你樂在其中

315
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,240
你才看幾封信就以為什麼都知道

316
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,480
我肉搜過她

317
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,080
你為什麼沒說她坐過牢?

318
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,400
我覺得不重要

319
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,640
懂我意思嗎?

320
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,240
正常人碰到暴力前科犯跟蹤騷擾

321
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,160
一定會馬上報警

322
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,320
但你沒有

323
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,440
你覺得她沒惡意

324
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,320
覺得她很可憐

325
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,160
覺得這件事不重要?

326
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,640
我只是說,你留她在身邊一定有原因

327
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,840
也許重點不在於她是誰

328
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,240
而是...她給了你什麼

329
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,520
因為說實話

330
00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,440
如果只有單方面付出
這種愛情是最輕鬆的

331
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,400
不然我為什麼要來?

332
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,040
你這個大騙子

333
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,560
今天到我家過夜

334
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,520
但是別告訴東尼

335
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,600
好

336
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,520
(馴鹿在哪里
你布能給人希望厚就消失!)

337
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,840
(從我的蘋果手機傳送)

338
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,720
有時人說了太多謊,幾乎忘了

339
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,000
一開始在躲什麼

340
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,760
可是我的夢中情人就在眼前

341
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,440
建築工東尼
還有四站就會變成性侵犯

342
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:00,480
天啊

343
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,600
沒想到我醉成這樣

344
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,560
真討厭,我剛好要清醒了

345
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,240
天啊,真對不起

346
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,720
站好啦

347
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,960
我好像踩到老太太的腳了

348
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,400
小聲一點好嗎?

349
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,600
你太神經質了

350
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,160
我反對人有藥癮
但我覺得藥癮對你很好

351
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,200
來,手給我

352
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,720
你蓋房子時會換一雙手做事嗎?

353
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,400
什麼意思?

354
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:40,520
以建築工人來說
你手上的繭也太少了

355
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,480
這雙是我打手槍用的,我每天“換手”

356
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,320
你用過長繭的手打槍嗎?

357
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,720
我以前挺想試試看的

358
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,280
要怎樣才能讓你給我深情的一吻?

359
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:14,720
抱歉,你說什麼?

360
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:16,640
吻我

361
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,360
我最痛苦的是自以為屬於進步派

362
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:50,920
(來電:泰瑞)

363
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,600
結果發現自己很孬

364
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,880
可是如果壓抑羞恥感多年

365
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,560
就很難根除這種心魔

366
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,200
你他媽的下三濫

367
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,000
我從來沒讓人搞過肛門
可是我願意為你破例

368
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,880
瑪莎,拜託,我只想回家

369
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,280
你有兩個選擇

370
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,040
要小孩還是要肛肛樂

371
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,280
因為我不知道蘇格蘭的中學都教什麼

372
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:41,160
可是插肛門是生不出小孩的

373
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,880
- 懂我意思嗎?
- 瑪莎,回家吧

374
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,160
你三心兩意、忽冷忽熱
真是把老娘給惹毛了!

375
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,120
- 瑪莎,走開
- 不要

376
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,240
我已經把一部分自己獻給了你

377
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,680
所以你至少能把我拼回去

378
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,880
他媽的給我個解釋

379
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,080
因為你給我聽明白了

380
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,600
不想跟我在一起的男人

381
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,240
不是瞎子就是同性戀

382
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:17,080
可是你爬樓梯時不必找扶手在哪裡

383
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,560
媽的,我不是同性戀,瑪莎

384
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,080
那就別把我推開

385
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,480
我可以幫你

386
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,080
幫什麼?

387
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,000
那個人

388
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,880
- 傷害你的人
- 我不知道你在講什麼

389
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,480
是個男的,對不對?

390
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:41,960
他把你怎麼了?

391
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,120
好,我要走了,可以嗎?

392
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,840
我要轉過身去走開,你別跟過來

393
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,000
懂嗎?

394
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:00,080
很好

395
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,520
我沒跟你玩,瑪莎

396
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,200
你有,姨媽先生,你當鬼

397
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,000
- 你他媽幹嘛?
- 姨媽先生喜歡嗎?

398
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,840
我是姨媽太太,因為我大姨媽常來

399
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:19,320
- 你當鬼
- 別碰我

400
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:20,320
- 你當鬼
- 滾開

401
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,600
- 你當鬼
- 我說真的,瑪莎,別碰我

402
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,120
我沒跟你玩好嗎?別亂碰

403
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,120
幹你媽的屄

404
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,240
幹,我說真的,瑪莎,別過來

405
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,560
你他媽退後

406
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,320
瑪莎

407
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,120
瑪莎,你幹嘛?

408
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,680
- 你當鬼
- 搞屁啊?

409
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,000
- 你當鬼
- 我叫你住手

410
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,840
瑪莎,我說真的,你他媽別碰我

411
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,120
- 幹...
- 你當鬼!

412
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,720
瑪莎,慢著,住手

413
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,480
別動

414
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:17,960
你的心在跳

415
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,120
我讓你的心在跳了

416
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,400
(理查蓋德同名戲劇改編)

417
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,680
字幕翻譯:溫鳳祺