- [three loud smashing sounds] - [man panting while smashing]
- [electricity zaps] - [echoing boom]
[Cootie panting] Split up, and meet me at my house.
- [tires screeching] - [siren wailing intensifies]
[dissonant a capella chanting]
[dissonant chanting music continues]
- [glass shattering] - [faint laughter]
[neon buzzing]
Good morning, it's 5:00 AM. Earlier tonight, a terrorist attack at the power plant
destroyed the plant's regulator. Security cameras were disabled.
Authorities are still looking into the vandals
and officials still do not know who was involved.
[female EMT] This one's alive too. No response, catatonic.
What the fuck happened, man?
Somebody dose him to get to the regulator?
[pensive music continues]
Are those footprints?
[softly] What the...
- [lid clacks, disc spins] - [bright upbeat music from TV]
[indistinct chatter from TV]
So I say to the guy, "What is this? Johnny on a pony?"
And he says...
- [baby blows raspberry] - [gibberish] Boyoyoyoyoying!
- [record scratches] - [cartoon characters laughing]
[dramatic music crescendos]
- Boyoyoyoyoying! - [spit take]
[cartoon characters laughing intensely]
Boyoyoyoyoying!
- [lively music] - Boyoyoyoyoying!
[sings] ♪ Boyoyoyoyoyoyoying! ♪
Boyoyoyoyoying.
Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying... [sadly] Boyoyoyoyoying
[pensive] Boyoyoyoyoying... Boyoyoyoyoying.
- [footsteps approaching] - Boyoyoyoyoying!
Boyoyoyoyoying?
- [geese honk] - [sadly] Boyoyoyoyoying...
Boyoyoyoyoying... Boyoyoyoyoying...
- [solemn piano music begins softly] - [sadly] Boyoyoyoyoying...
[cartoon sounds continue in background]
[very sad] Boyoyoyoyoying...
[lively] Boyoyoyoyoying! Boyoyoyoyoying...
- [uplifting piano music] - Boyoyoyoyoying!
[chuckling and continuing to speak gibberish]
[pensive] Boyoyoyoyoying, boyoyoyoyoying, boyoyoyoyoying...
[gibberish reverberating in space]
- [solemn piano music continues] - [gibberish continues]
[weakly] Boyoyoyoyoying, boyoyoyoyoying... boyoyoyoyoying
- [solemn piano music continues] - [weak gibberish continues]
[heavy exhale, sniffling]
[softly] Boyoyoyoyoying...
Boyoyoyoyoying... [continues]
[piano softly crescendos]
- [night sounds] - [crickets chirp]
- [Martisse] One, two, three, hit it! - [techno keyboard music]
[sings] ♪ Congratulations, You the one, boy ♪
♪ You sparked a light up on the world ♪
♪ We raised you to be a fighter ♪
♪ You shine just like a Jheri curl ♪
♪ You up the ante, make the whole world drop their panties ♪
♪ 'Cause you... ♪♪
Why, what, what, what, what, why you bringing up panties?
- [music stops abruptly] - It's a metaphor.
- Metaphor for what? - Just something that people can relate to.
Panties, revolution. Big drawers. Parachute.
Baby. We are so proud of you.
I had to break open the protective dome with my bare hands
because these Electro-Brapapaps, they broke after three hits.
Yeah, well.
Y'all didn't have to go through the sewer like we did.
I think that fucked me up more than almost losing my life in a high speed chase.
Where y'all totaled my car! It's my baby, man!
What the hell were y'all doing driving, anyway?
You're like six inches tall!
We the reason why no police follow y'all back home, bitch.
- It's not their fault. - Right, it's your fault.
My car was just collateral damage in your shit.
- You saying that it's about my ego? - Yeah.
It's a valid point. I mean, I, I don't agree...
Well if you don't agree, then you think that it's incorrect.
- No, I'm just saying it's... - Yes. An incorrect point
- is not a valid point by definition. - A valid point is a valid point.
- That doesn't mean that... - [overlapping chatter]
- [Cootie] What you should say is... - [Flora] The point has to be true,
- it's just valid. - "He's wrong about it
being about your ego."
- But why would I say that? - Just say that...
[Flora] I'm saying I agree that it's a valid point
and I agree that it's not about your ego...
[Cootie] Then just say that it's not a valid point.
- But I agree that the point is... - [Cootie, loudly] It doesn't make sense
to agree to that because you should just say it's not about my ego.
I don't have the ego.
You going off the deep end, bro.
[techno music riff on keyboard]
- Okay, well, let's celebrate. - [Martisse] Yeah, let's have a good time.
[Cootie] Because tonight we brought everybody's power back on, right?
And, and, and after this, posters. There's posters that we can,
we can, we can post them up together because we have to get the message out.
And there's different ones and they're cool, too.
And I just need help putting them up. And you guys can help me hand these out.
- [paper rustles] - [electricity buzzes]
- [Cootie] What. What...the fuck? - [Felix] Bro. Are you kidding me?
[Bear] What the fuck is going on?
[Martisse] Calm down.
[Cootie stutters] H... Hold on... hold on, let me think.
[crickets chirping faintly]
[engine humming]
Oh, so they can just replace the regulator as soon as we destroy it?
- [loud boom] - [alarm buzzing]
- [Flora] The fuck is that? - [voice warning] Breech in sector one.
- I don't know. - [voice warning] Breech in sector one.
I thought you said nobody would know who did it until after we announced it.
- I'm a giant, not a psychic. - Somebody out there.
- [loud boom] - [building materials rumbling]
- [suspenseful synth music] - Is that The Hero?
There's no need to panic. You're in a nearly impenetrable fortress.
Fuck you mean nearly?
Yeah. Excuse me, ma'am. What does nearly mean?
- [Mom] Ma'am? - Hey man, relax.
Bro. Do you know who that is?
Hey man, just be quiet. You fuckin' us up.
You supposed to pull one of these things off the wall and handle business.
Shut the fuck up!
[Bear] You supposed to be the leader, right?
I don't really hear you talking too much now.
Okay, okay, okay! You guys need to leave right now.
How are we gonna leave?
There is a billionaire tech mogul outside with rocket launchers!
And, and I'm not even the homie with the car no more.
- That was my one power! - There's a passage down here.
- [alarm continues] - [dramatic music plays]
[hinges squeak]
Hurry up. Come on. Come on. Hop in. Hurry, hurry.
Bear, do not eat that brownie, okay?
Fuck you make this place out of, huh? Love?
[echoed wind]
[footsteps thumping]
Once you go down and around, you gon' end up downtown.
You're a weird guy. Hey Flora, you coming?
Hey. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you here.
Somebody needs to help Felix and the Lower Bottom folks out.
Flora, you're the only one who has powers, okay?
- Okay? - [building materials crashing]
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
[suspenseful synth music]
- [Felix] Flora, let's go. - Go, go...
- Okay. - Be safe, okay? I love you, too.
[suspenseful synth music continues]
[Martisse] Want you to know, we proud of you.
You took it upon yourself to become the man that you needed to be.
The whole idea was to show people that we can win something.
That we can do something to change things.
It seems like we're fighting just to say we're fighting now.
Do you see how quickly they put the fucking regulator back on?
- This is stupid. - [head smacks]
I mean, if we, even if we win against The Hero, what is winning now?
[Mom] Stop talking! We need to act!
Okay, okay. Let, let's talk about actions.
20 years you guys hide and then you blame it on me
and you don't do anything besides sit there and theorize some...
I made all these weapons you about to use right now.
[Cootie] They don't even work, Dad! This is a fucking phone on a headband!
I made those before the iPhones even came out.
- [building materials crashing] - [Cootie] I don't trust y'all.
The only person that's knowledgeable,
that I can think of, who will talk to me straight, is Jones.
She was right about this heist.
Nah, Jones with that half-assed shit. Let me tell you somethin'...
We had to keep you trapped inside.
To keep your ass alive. And yeah, we lied to you.
Because you needed to be lied to.
We couldn't have made this happen otherwise!
- [suspenseful music intensifies] - I understand if you don't trust us...
- [building materials crashing] - But this is how it had to be!
Okay? I'm not gonna say what you wanna hear right now.
So you wanna do things your way? Go to Jones.
- [hinges squeak] - Jones is wonderful.
[soft exhale] Go to her.
- Stop interrupting me! - Attention. That's whatchu' want.
- I mean, consideration. - That's what the fuck, okay.
Yo. You talk all this big shit about working together
and keeping us all connected, but you act like what you do doesn't affect me.
- I wanna know you think about me. - [inhales sharply] Look, come here.
No.
- [bright lively music] - Hell no! It's not fair.
You win the arguments and we both lose.
[Cootie whispers] Jones.
[faint street chatter]
I need your help.
- Fuck. - [soft music plays]
I told you that Band Aid shit won't work.
It's not just about changing shit, it's how we change it.
I just thought I could... give people inspiration to fight.
You know? Like show 'em we have power.
- Look over there. - [Crowd, angry chanting]
[Jones] We're shuttin' shit down at the source of power.
- This general strike is growing all over! - [angry crowd chants]
- [dramatic music swells] - [ominous humming]
- [tires screeching] - [body thumping]
Cootie, get outta here!
- [suspenseful music plays] - [tires screech away]
Great Polypheme. Let us help you. Quick, come inside.
- [music intensifies] - [unintelligible chatter]
Come! Quickly, quickly, this way. Let us help you. In here.
- [music crescendos] - [metal door clangs]
[Cootie] Hey. Hey!
- Hey, what the fuck? - [clanking sounds]
- [tense violin music begins] - [Cootie muffled shouting]
[muffled] What the fuck? Hey! What are you doing?
- [violin music swells] - [Cootie screaming]
- [grunting] What the fuck? - Get the eye!
- [Cootie gasping] - The Great Polypheme.
"Shall sacrifice one eye to save us all."
- [softly] Sam sticky note number 32. - [Cootie] No! No! Fuck you!
We didn't think you'd come to us soon...
- [knife scrapes] - But here we are!
- [footsteps pattering] - With this eye...
- [Cootie moaning] - [metal clanking]
The Great Polypheme will impart on us, his wisdom,
- [Cootie continues moaning and gasping] - his sight, his virility.
[Cootie grunting] Heart, head, hands feet,
as long as I push there's no defeat.
- [metal clanging] - [yelling]
[cult leader] Shit!
[omnious music swells]
- [protestor chanting angrily] - [arrow twanging]
- Sorry. We love you Great Polypheme! - [speaker] Cootie. Watch out.
[The Hero grunts, groans]
[tense ominous music]
[ominous music bellows loudly]
[Cootie] No. [grunts] Stay down!
- It's time for a replay. You ready? - What's your endgame?
[punches blowing] Shut the fuck up.
You're not, you're not a killer, Cootie!
- [tense dramatic music] - [soft panting] Please, please.
- Call me Thug One. - Fine, Thug One. Fine.
No, it sounds stupid when you say it. You call me Cootie. Call me Cootie!
I, I did. I just called you Cootie, but you just told me to call you Thug One.
- That's what you wanted to go by. - Get to the point. Get to the point!
[stuttering] Okay, okay. Look, look, I'm, I'm, I, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I, I was, I was wrong.
[protestors faintly chanting]
I needed the world to see a real super villain, and to see me defeat him.
- But I, I, I misjudged you. - [triumphant brass music]
I, I misjudged what the world needs.
It doesn't need one. It needs, it needs two!
Look, you and me, right there, a dynamic duo.
You and me together, Thug One. Uh, Cootie. You and me together. Cootie.
Putting a new face on justice. Together. Together we can do anything.
- [The Hero breathing heavily] - [chanting continues]
- I just have one question for you. - Oh, okay?
Why the hell, [panting] in issue 247 of The Hero... [panting continues]
Does Shalamo not have the Incisor Lapel Emitter?
- [The Hero laughing] - [Cootie] Think about it.
[The Hero laughing intensely] Do you have any idea how long
I have been waiting for someone to point that out?
I didn't think anybody was ever gonna get that, but you got it.
- That's a great question! - I'm glad we worked this out, you know.
I don't wanna fight anymore.
Yeah, we can, we can, we can work together.
I wanna work with you. I've always wanted to work with you.
Let me tell you something. You love comic books.
- So much. - I love comic books.
- Fuckin' so much. - Sometimes when I'm...
When I'm writing comic books, I, I hide clues in plain sight.
Sometimes they don't lead to anything.
And sometimes, they lead to... everything.
- [rope whooshing] - [tense suspenseful music]
[Cootie groans]
[helper robot] Pull your damn pants up.
- [Cootie groans] - [chains clinking]
- [suspenseful music continues] - You stay down.
- [club thudding] - [Cootie grunting]
[protestors shouting loudly]
I'm taking you to your specially built prison. Don't stress.
They're just gonna sentence you to a couple of decades.
[weakly] Fuck you.
You'll learn a trade, make some new friends, and maybe even find God.
- [protestors continue shouting] - [dramatic music swells]
- [chains clanging] - [Jones] Cootie! I gotchu', I gotchu'.
You fucking fascist, aluminum fuck! You fuckin' bitch!
- [coughing] Show him your thing. - [chains clinking]
Your thing. The thing you do.
- [chains clanging] - [dramatic music hums]
Hurry up. Before those thoughts catch up to you.
My thoughts have caught up with me. They tell me I'm right.
Let me explain why you're wrong. Three minutes max.
- Why would I do that? - You're fair. Lookin' to do what's right.
'Cause... You're a storyteller. You'll appreciate this.
- [gentle somber music] - Okay. You got me.
Three minutes. What's your opening line?
[protestors continue shouting]
You're part of the reason that crime exists.
- Conversation over. - [Jones] Just listen.
If I'm wrong, you ain't got nothing to worry about.
Just at least show the people that... you're a reasonable person.
[protestors shouting angrily]
[Jones] 'Cause you are. You're the good guy. Right?
[softly] Okay.
[spirited suspenseful music swells]
[triumphant orchestral music]
[music intensifies]
[orchestral music continues to swell]
[music fades to hum]
[music plays softly]
[Jones] Capitalism must have unemployment to exist.
[footsteps pattering]
[Jones] The way the boss stops you from asking for more money
is to threaten you implicitly or explicitly with firing you.
If there were full employment, people could ask whatever pay they want.
- There'd be no one to replace them. - [Jones and The Hero grunting]
- [office sounds] - [keyboards clacking, phones ringing]
Publications like the Wall Street Journal
and Financial Times openly worry when the unemployment rate goes too low
because wages go up, profit and stock values go down.
Capitalism must have an army of unemployed workers in order to exist
and what do you have when you have an army of unemployed workers?
You have an army of unemployed workers who want to eat.
And humans are not gonna let themselves just starve.
[electricity hums]
So they get involved... in illegal business.
- [electricity buzzes] - [machine sounds]
- [plastic rustling] - [pills clattering]
[The Hero] You're leaving out assaults. Murder.
All business, legal and illegal, uses violence to regulate itself.
- [The Hero scoffs] - [tense orchestral music continues]
Run.
- [whimsical tinny organ music] - [cashier faintly speaking over intercom]
[Jones] Run!
If you try to run out of the grocery store with a cart full of groceries,
either you're gonna get away with it or someone's gonna physically stop you.
[The Hero grunts, groans]
[Jones] Whether it's the security or the police.
[coughing and gasping]
[ominous humming]
[Jones] If say a hotel neighboring the MCI building
decided they wanted to tear down your building to make a golf course,
- you'd use violence... - Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
This is where the law steps in to make things civilized.
- I have a deed showing my ownership. - [Jones] Right. So you show the deed.
[triumphant orchestral music]
- Fine. - [paper flaps]
[Jones] The only reason that piece of paper is worth anything
is because it implies that men with guns are gonna come
to physically enforce the words written on it.
[guns cocking in unison]
[Jones] Those men with guns are called police.
[police shouting unintelligibly]
The paper is a placeholder for the violence.
[machine whirrs]
Illegal business doesn't have these.
Illegal business practitioners can't go to court and say,
[in high voice] Your honor, I was supposed to be buying a whole key of cocaine
from the defendant. Clearly this is half baking soda.
- I demand restitution. - [gavel banging]
[stutters] I, I've never seen this cocaine before in my life.
They can't go to the zoning commission and say,
"That neighborhood is only zoned for two heroin vendors.
Unless that guy has a special emergency permit
or wants to limit himself to cocaine." [scoffs]
Often, legality or illegality, is the only thing that determines
whether business dealings are considered violent.
- [chair squeaks loudly] - [gun cocks]
You're gonna need this
In the 1920's when liquor was illegal... [giggles]
- Go. - [gunshot in distance]
- Go! Motherfucka, go! - [gunshot firing rapidly]
If you rob the liquor dude, gangsters come after you.
- Ha ha ha. [yells] Motherfucka! - [lively music]
- [Jones] Go! - [tires squealing]
Now that liquor is legal, if you rob the liquor dude, police come after you.
[lively adventurous music]
- In the 1990's... - [gun cocks]
[Jones] When weed was illegal... Pick up the bag.
[Jones screaming] Hey, get the fuck on the fucking ground, bitch!
- [gun clicks] - [Jones] I'm not fucking with you!
If you robbed the weed dude, gangsters come after you.
- [unintelligible muttering] - [Jones] Hey! Hey everyone.
- Now that weed is legal... - [bags rustling]
[Jones] Hey everybody, pretty please, can you just get the fuck on the ground?
Thank you so much. Not you. Get up.
If you rob the weed dude, police come after you.
- [sirens wailing] - [police yelling]
[The Hero breathing heavily]
- [Jones] So... [soft panting[ - [soft apprehensive music]
Capitalism necessitates unemployment and poverty,
- which necessitates illegal business. - [people muttering indistinctly]
[Jones] The regulation of which is what causes violence.
- [gunshots firing] - [Jones] How do you
tell the whole working class...
That poverty and violence are necessitated by capitalism
without them deciding to get rid of capitalism?
You don't.
You tell them poverty is due to bad choices of those impoverished.
[electronic beeps]
[Jones] But how do you tell the whole working class
that their economic situation is due to their poor choices?
You don't.
You tell them that it's the other that's making bad choices.
That is the culture of the other that causes this.
You do this via the news, sitcoms, cop shows,
and superhero shows.
Even when they're smart enough to hide their point.
- [chains clanging] - [The Hero grunting]
[Jones] This causes part of the working class, even the so-called others,
to identify with the ruling class.
A group of us are trying to change this whole thing.
[ropes creaking]
If you wanted to stop so-called crime and the violence that grows from it...
- [soft orchestral music] - You'd be a revolutionary.
- [Jones] But you're not. - [orchestral music swells]
[Jones] You're a tool that helps capitalism run smoothly.
A system that creates poverty and the crime and violence necessitated by it.
- [bright orchestral music] - [Jones] Man, lock yourself up.
[music stops abruptly]
[birds chirp softly]
[gentle poignant music]
[chains clanging to the ground]
[heavy footsteps]
- [poignant music continues] - [protestors shouting faintly]
[bodysuit whirs loudly]
[protestors cheering and clapping]
Hey. I told you I shoulda' stayed.
How did you know this would work?
- I'm a... - [bright inspirational orchestral music]
[dramatic ominous music]
[music continues through credits]