I have to try not to scooch toward you a little bit.
-Those are the wedding bells. -Yes.
Okay.
-Ready? -Yes.
Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is heart-wrenching.
You sort of get submerged into some other person's being.
Not every day is easy or a walk in the park,
but that commitment means you don't give up.
Loving and being loved is the most difficult, bravest,
most vulnerable experience that any human being will have.
Well, and "love" is a verb, so it's a continual journey.
It's a continual act of bravery and gutsiness,
and for some women in some places, defiance.
You know, part of being gutsy is learning to love
in whatever way feels right to you.
Part of the struggle that women have faced from literally the beginning of time,
is to have that agency, that freedom, that autonomy
to make the choices that are right for us.
I'm curious about exploring relationships
in all of their complexity
and finding people who forged their own paths in love.
What do we want?
End child marriage!
I successfully did "till death do us part."
Okay, Chelsea!
Mazel tov!
Hey. Get it, got it. Hot.
Falling in love is feeling 100% comfortable in your skin
around the person that you're with.
Being in love is, when you're with someone,
that you always wanna be with them, no matter what time of day it is,
no matter what you're doing. Every day it gets better and better.
That's really nice.
The two of you just seem, like, and I know this is such a cliché,
made for each other.
You met at a librarian conference?
-Yes. -Super sexy.
Far-out sexy.
I mean, I love libraries. I love librarians.
So it just seems like the perfect meet-cute to me.
Yes.
I have been a fan of Abby's for literally decades.
Abby Wambach is one of the greatest soccer players…
-Of all time. -…of all time. Man or woman.
-Yes. -Anywhere in the world.
We're really enthusiastic, 'cause we're talking over each other.
And Glennon Doyle, who started off with a Christian mommy blog.
-The first thing is that all these women… -She's an author, a podcaster,
someone who seems plugged into the universe.
The two of them have created this amazing marriage.
Talk about rebel hearts.
They had to risk so much to give their love a chance.
And it was really hard to figure out how to build a life together,
and they have.
I was in a very broken marriage to a good man.
And then I was at the convention, and she showed up in the doorway.
I found myself standing up, and I just opened my arms like this.
I realized everyone was staring at me, so I actually bowed.
I was thinking,
maybe she'll just think I'm a weird writer,
and I bow when people come in.
-Well, then, did you bow in response? -She was the only one that stood up…
-Obviously. -…and she's on the opposite side
of the room, and it's like a table that's pushed against--
So I had to sidestep my way all the way around the room.
It was so weird.
The whole thing was so weird. I was sweating so much.
But I realized that I was in love for the first time in my life.
And it was terrifying, because I was married
and I had three children.
I had a faith-based life and a career that was largely based on that.
I was told over and over again,
"You can pursue this, but it will be the end of your career."
But I just remember thinking,
this is this major crossroads where you are gonna have to decide
whether you are going to honor yourself for the first time in your life,
instead of honoring everyone else's expectations of you.
Then one day, I was watching my little one get ready for school.
And I thought, oh, my God, I am staying in this marriage for her.
But would I want this marriage for her?
And if I wouldn't want this marriage for this little girl,
why am I modeling bad love and calling that good mothering?
We just kind of said, "We're gonna do this."
And we did it as carefully
and with as much honor and love as we could.
Everybody freaked out in the beginning, because that's what people do.
Then they came around, because they saw that we were okay and happy,
and I'm glad we just knew.
How long have you been married?
I've been married 11 years.
I don't have a story like yours, definitely.
You didn't do that?
I didn't. I met my husband when we were kids,
and we were friends for more than a dozen years…
-Wow. -…before we started dating. Yeah.
How did you go from friends to-- like, how did you know?
We'd both broken up with other people.
We were kind of comforting each other about the fact
-that we'd broken up. -Uh-huh.
One night, I think we were having dinner.
He was like, "I think we're on a date."
-I was like, "Are we?" -Oh, my gosh.
"Maybe we are. Are we on a date?" And that was the beginning.
Not that he needed to and not that he did ask our permission.
He just drove out to see us one day and said,
"I just want you to know I'm gonna ask her to marry me."
And I thought, "Yes!"
I like the not asking,
-but respectfully informing. I like that. -Yes. Letting you know.
I literally asked her parents.
Talked to them and got home, and I had a whole plan.
But I couldn't wait.
I remember going into my sock drawer, getting the ring, turning around.
She's like, "Can I get you coffee?" As soon as she walked back, I was there.
I was like, I just-- I cannot wait another second.
Like-- Didn't your husband have to propose to you
-a billion times before you said yes? -Forty-nine times?
Something-- No, only three.
-Only three. -Okay. Only three.
We met in law school. He was like this force of nature.
When we graduated, he asked me to marry him.
And I said, "You know, I'm just not ready to get married."
A year from then, he asked me again.
He was back in Arkansas running for Congress.
I was working on the impeachment staff to impeach Richard Nixon…
Okay. Just real quick.
-We had a lot going on in our lives. -No biggie.
And I said, you know, "Let's wait."
So I moved to Arkansas with a job teaching at the law school,
and the end of the semester,
I said, "I think I'm gonna go just take a trip around
and see if I'm really committed to this."
He's driving me to the airport, and we go by this little house.
And I'm just making conversation. I say, "That's a cute house."
Literally, that's all I said.
I come back, he picks me up at the airport,
-he goes, "I bought that house you liked." -Oh, my gosh.
-"Now you have to marry me." -Oh, my gosh, yes.
So, I did.
-He bought sheets, and he bought a bed… -Wow. Come on.
-…and he bought a couch… -Good job.
…and he bought a few pots and pans.
And so we got married in the house.
-In the house? -In the little house, yeah.
I mean, everybody's story is different about love and how you learn to love,
how you share love,
how you're not afraid to love.
It's so important that people can feel comfortable
and confident in both loving and being loved.
-'Cause sometimes being loved… -Yeah.
…is a lot harder than loving, right?
-That's right. -Absolutely.
We agree that the most important part of a relationship is communication.
Right. Today it will be through Jenga.
-Okay, I'm ready. -That's right. Okay.
Wait, is this a different form of Jenga?
-Yeah. -Relationship Jenga.
-It's Relationship-- -What?
God, the pressure.
"What is something that you are clueless about?"
I do have a very, very hard time with cooking.
I just follow directions, and the first direction will be like,
"Julienne the carrots."
And I'm like, I need a thesaurus, I need Google just to do number one.
No, you can't use two hands. No.
This gives us a lot to talk about.
"Which bad habits of other people drive you crazy?"
This is my favorite topic!
I've been waiting for this my whole life!
-Go, girl, go! -Here we go.
My least favorite habit is interrupting.
Working on it.
-My husband also is an interrupter. -How do you deal with interrupting?
Do you talk-- I just interrupted you to ask this question.
But do you talk about it?
Do you just accept him for the interrupter that he is?
-We talk about it. -Okay.
And he has gotten much better.
-Yeah. -Same.
We also try, every night, to share whatever's on our mind,
'cause we never wanna go to bed not only angry,
we never wanna go to bed annoyed.
-Clear it out every night. -Every night.
Not easy.
Not easy, but…
So, I'm gonna pick somebody to answer this.
Abby, what is your favorite mistake?
My first marriage.
And this is no disrespect to my ex in any way.
This is just, like, all love.
Sometimes we need to know what we want,
and the only way we can know that
is to understand that what we have is what we don't want.
Right.
-All right, let me see here… -We're doing the two hands thing--
Mazel tov!
We gather here today to celebrate your love.
An anniversary date is a date on the calendar.
But I'm thankful for you every single day, and I love you.
I thought I would never love again, and you proved me wrong.
You proved me so wrong.
You may now seal this ceremony with a kiss.
What's more important than love?
How people define it, how they gain it, lose it.
It's really at the core of, you know, every human experience.
And for many, marriage is the ultimate gesture
of faith in love.
So I'm going to sit down with a minister,
who proudly and joyfully marries couples from every walk of life.
Gosh, this is such a treat for me. I've read about you and--
-I've read about you too. -Yeah, a few things.
You know, a couple things.
-Don't believe everything you read, right? -I don't. Don't worry, I don't.
How did you decide, "I can do this. I can help people"?
-Talk to them about marriage… -Uh-huh.
…which, you know, is a challenging subject.
-Well… -And, yeah.
-You bring love and hope… -Yeah.
-…through relationships. -Right.
As a woman, being Black and queer and all these things,
like, I had been situated on the margins.
-And so that's been my theology… -Yeah.
…of just, like, being hospitable.
There's a seat at the table, my table, for you.
And I think that's what translates so well into the marriages. So that--
But were you brought up in a church that was welcoming and joyous?
No! I grew up Pentecostal Apostolic,
and so it was very much charismatic and anti everything that I am.
I thought, "Hold on.
So, you mean to tell me, God is love, but God don't love me?"
So, wait, hold on.
-Wait, I'm confused here. -"You're gonna put God in a box…"
-Right. -"…and leave me out?"
And leave me out, right? Where they do that at?
If God is as grand as we say God is, God is not up in heaven,
or wherever God is, confused or surprised about me.
When I went to divinity school,
it was very much to counter that narrative.
-You were really self-aware. Oh, man. -I've been gutsy for a minute.
So, yeah. So, it was-- It's really love,
and I think that is really the heart of it.
You know, when we talk about rebel hearts,
we act as though you're always rebelling against something,
but sometimes, you know,
a rebel heart just needs to take a deep breath and quiet down.
Figure out how I really feel and then go on.
-And you're no longer married. -I'm no longer married.
Your story is very parallel to mine,
and I was in this space of "to stay or not."
Then there was this point where I was like,
"I'm not okay with this."
I'm just not okay. I made the decision to leave.
You have a marriage that has been on public display
since, like, the beginning.
You said the gutsiest thing you ever did was stay…
-Right. -… in your marriage.
That doesn't mean that's right for everybody.
I was gonna say, and the gutsiest thing that I think I ever did, was to leave.
Absolutely.
And so, in that decision, like, what-- how did you stay?
You know, it is so intensely personal.
With counseling and good friends,
I had to make a decision that I thought was right for me.
'Cause nobody else is living in this marriage.
Nobody else. And the world was saying, "Well, we know what she should do."
But you can't know what goes on in anybody else's marriage,
-let alone in their hearts or their minds. -That, or-- Yeah.
You have to do this searching for yourself.
Getting to the decision is excruciating.
-That part. Yes. -It is so painful.
Having gone through all of that extraordinary reflection,
disappointment, discouragement, anger, once I made it, I felt at peace.
Do you think you would've made the same decision
had you not been in the public eye?
Absolutely. Yeah. 'Cause it was a decision about who I am.
-Okay. -Yeah.
-And it's a decision about who we are… -Yes.
…and who he is.
My thinking about it was, he is fundamentally a really good person,
and he is a loving, caring, thoughtful person,
-and I love him with all my heart. -Yeah, absolutely.
If you were, you know, not in the public eye,
-do you think he would have told you? -No.
Because he was so embarrassed and, you know, really ashamed about it.
Do you think we deserve to know?
You know, I think that's one of the age-old questions.
-Right? -I think that there are circumstances
where telling is crueler than not telling.
I would raise my hand on that one.
And that secrets sometimes need to be disclosed,
and sometimes they don't.
If somebody doesn't know that they've been harmed,
are you going to harm them more…
-By telling them. -…by telling them?
This is part of why a life well lived is a difficult life,
because you have to ask these hard questions.
You can't just skim the surface.
Yeah.
Marriage hopefully is journeying together,
sharing love, creating love, laughter.
And yet, for many here in the United States and around the world,
marriage can be confining and degrading and dangerous.
I was forced to marry at 19,
given to my husband as something that he could own.
I was given to him as property.
I grew up right here in Brooklyn, in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community,
where your parents typically will arrange a marriage for you
to a stranger through a matchmaker.
When you knew marriage was going to happen,
were you resigned initially to it,
because that's what had happened to everybody else you knew,
or did you feel even then that this wasn't right?
Well, I wasn't just resigned to it, I was happy about it.
It did not at all occur to me that this was a forced marriage.
When I walked down the aisle with a big smile on my face,
it was a trap, a horrifying trap.
But I just did not understand until I was in it.
Things became obviously bad a week after my wedding,
and that was the first time my then-husband flew into a violent rage,
punched his fist through the wall,
and a couple of days later was the first time
he threatened to kill me.
Did you think, "Okay, I just have to be better"?
Did you think that it was your responsibility somehow
to make him less violent?
100%.
When I realized nobody was gonna help me escape,
I started saving up cash to help me get out.
It wasn't easy to do,
because my husband didn't allow me to have anything private.
He would look through all my personal belongings.
The only place I could save up cash in the house was a box of cereal
in the pantry closet.
It took me 15 years to get out.
And in the process, I lost my entire family.
They punished me for daring to escape by shunning me.
You took all that pain, and you really turned it into a mission.
Today when I wear this dress,
it's very different from the first time I wore my bridal gown.
This time, I'm not being forced into subjugation.
This time I'm here as a survivor and an advocate.
Ready to protest child marriage and forced marriage in Massachusetts?
Let's get into our gowns!
I founded Unchained At Last because I was completely on my own
when I escaped from my forced marriage,
and I wanted to be there for others who are in that same situation.
All right, starting to look like a Chain-In!
Yes.
People typically associate bridal gowns with happiness and romance.
These gowns are different. These gowns symbolize an uprising.
What we have seen at Unchained At Last,
the survivors we have worked with, they've come from every community.
Very few Americans know that this is an issue.
-Well, because I do think… -Yeah.
there is this conceit of-- This is a problem in other places.
-Yeah. -I'm like, no.
-This is a problem and an injustice… -Yeah.
-…happening right here. -Right.
I'm a Massachusetts resident
and I'm a survivor of a child marriage. When I was 14,
a family friend started molesting me.
When I was 16, I got pregnant.
My parents took me to the courthouse,
and in less than ten minutes, my paperwork was signed.
We stopped at a thrift store on the way home, we bought a dress,
and I was married in my grandparents' living room.
It's time for this to end.
We started this process in 2015,
pushing for this simple commonsense legislation
that harms no one, costs nothing and ends a human rights abuse.
We thought legislators would give us a hug and high five
and immediately pass these bills.
And yet, that hasn't been your experience.
Not even a little, as you well know.
I have written many letters to many state legislators
in many states around the country.
And many things you never thought you'd have to, like, write down on paper.
Before Fraidy, it was legal in every state.
Only 44 to go. Yes.
But it is very rare to be able to point to someone and say, "You did this."
And Fraidy, you did this.
What do we want?
End child marriage!
When do we want it?
Now!
There's a direct line between, you know, a younger woman like Fraidy,
with her passion and activism to end child marriage,
and somebody like Gloria Steinem.
She has taken her own personal experience and has linked it to activism.
Some of us have had abortions. I have.
For many reasons we had to choose between giving birth to someone else
and giving birth to ourselves.
She came to that work as a journalist.
She started Ms. Magazine, stood up for women's right to equal pay
to employment and women's right to be married or not married.
She defied 1950s depictions of womanhood
and chose to pursue her own fiercely independent path.
I don't eat popcorn except in the movies.
Can't have a movie without popcorn.
Absolutely right.
-Enjoy the film. -Thank you.
When you were looking for role models,
were there people that you look to
in the movies or in the larger culture?
Well, certainly Breakfast at Tiffany's.
It was the first time I had ever seen a woman on screen
who was independent, who was sexual.
Taxi!
She was the first person on screen allowed to be sexual and not married.
I never could do that.
It's easy.
Roles played by other women, you know, Elizabeth Taylor in Butterfield 8,
or some of the Bette Davis--
Yes, they were always kind of doomed.
-They were doomed. -Right.
And it was, like, "Here's the lesson.
You go off, you have fun, you actually have relationships,
you're a sexual being, and you're gonna pay the price."
Katharine Hepburn, the roles that she typically played--
I loved her, you know, independence.
And she was often a career woman, a journalist, a lawyer.
-I found that very exciting. -Yeah. She was never defeated.
No.
Except, there's that one scene, she's married to Spencer Tracy.
Good heavens, Miss Harding, you've been in an accident?
Shame on you, Alma. What a way to talk about marriage.
And he's very upset with her because he thought when they got married,
she wouldn't be quite so ambitious.
So, she's trying to make him breakfast.
She doesn't know how to crack an egg.
And she doesn't know how to make the coffee.
Kind of refreshing.
Exactly. You can't make coffee? That's okay.
In the '50s, we thought we would marry who we wanted to be.
We could not be that ourselves.
I hope that you missed that.
It was not as clearly an independent path for women,
but much more than what you experienced in the '50s.
-Those days you lived your husband's life… -You did.
…and that made marriage seem a little like death.
So, in order not to get married, I had to go very far away…
…and that's why I ended up going to India.
I didn't exactly know what I was rebelling for,
but I knew if I took the next traditional choice,
it would be my last choice.
I guess I have always had a series of little marriages, you know.
I mean, relationships that really mattered to me
but had a kind of duration of their own.
Right? But we are still friends.
If you ever loved each other, really, it's not gonna go away.
-No, love survives. -Right.
We still love each other after 54 years.
We're still growing more and more in love, even right now.
Just because, like, it's a journey. You start to see more things later on.
You start to see, "She got cuter. She--"
I love when you write songs to me. We're good together. We are.
You make me wanna marry you again.
-Get another ring. -No.
Today we're going to make a ring for our right hands.
Traditionally the left hand is the marriage ring,
or the engagement ring, an "I'm taken" ring.
In the 1920s,
working women started wearing rings on their right hands
to signify their independence.
We have a crew of the most incredible,
strong, independent working women that I know.
-So, we are gonna make some rings, ladies. -I can't believe it.
-I'm so excited. -I mean. Yeah, well, I'm very excited.
We prepared samples, different styles.
Wow. That's beautiful.
A woman who knows what she wants.
Well, if you had hands like that…
-I mean, really. -I know.
I have such small fingers. I can't take a big ring.
This is the right thickness. I like that.
Let's get started.
-A piece of wax, jeweler saw. -Okay.
I love that you have such confidence in us.
Yes.
-All right. -Hold this bar of wax like this.
Got it. This is so cool.
-Hold it straight, like this. -Like this?
The first female doctor in the US, Elizabeth Blackwell,
opened up her first hospital here with her sister, Emily.
And it was the first hospital to be run by women,
to serve women and to train women as doctors and nurses.
It was so controversial at the time.
-Right? I mean, weren't they threatened… -Yeah.
-…with all kinds of hostility? Right. -They were.
There was a lot of distrust from the men in the neighborhood.
And it was really hard for Elizabeth Blackwell
to become a qualified doctor.
The medical school she attended initially accepted her as a joke,
but she prevailed and became the first woman in America
to earn a medical degree.
And then she and her sister Emily
cared for countless women and children right here.
So, in honor of the Blackwell sisters, who--
Neither of them got married. Those hardworking women.
That's why we're making our right-hand ring.
This is hard work.
Who's gonna get through first?
-Mom or daughter? -Don't make it a competition.
You're almost there.
It'll be so cool to wear it on my right ring finger.
I like it.
-It's beautiful, so smooth and round… -It is. Yeah.
…and, I mean, that's amazing.
-That's really neat. I really like that. -Right? I know. Thanks.
I think this might be my most successful craft.
That's so great.
In our wedding ring, uh,
we have an engraving of a ship on which we met
and a snail because I hesitated and dragged my feet.
And he hung in there and stayed.
For me, the most surprising thing is how wonderfully it's worked out.
I don't know what I would do in this world without you. I really don't.
It is terrifying to me.
I'm widowed.
And the beautiful thing is that I found I could fall in love with someone else
and have room in my heart for both my first husband
and my new partner.
It was a really lovely realization and experience the second
that I was open to it, that it was able to happen.
It's hard for a lot of people who are non-widowed
to understand how we as widows can move forward.
Not bad!
Nice try.
How did you go from the shock, the grief,
to deciding that there was something you could do with your experience that,
you know, might help other people?
The reason I started Camp Widow
was so people would have an easier time finding other widowed people than I did.
I was 35, and I had six kids. How do you do this?
And so, I just thought,
"I guess I'm supposed to ask other widows?"
And how did you find other widows?
I started a random search, and I started saying,
"Do you know anyone who's widowed? Do you know anyone who's widowed?"
And I just would ask them,
"What do you do with their shoes? How long do you wear your wedding ring?
Do you sleep in your side of the bed, or his side of the bed, or in the middle?"
And at the end, I had a community. And I wanted other people to have that.
The only thing I can think of worse than being widowed
is being widowed and being alone.
We get to laugh. We get to cry. We get to be fully who we are.
We don't have to explain anything.
If we're talking, having fun,
and then all of a sudden we burst into tears, like, okay.
Totally normal.
Totally normal. It's not a big deal.
Just keep on trucking.
Everybody has a sense that they have something to give.
And so, you're able to accept because you know that at some point,
you're also gonna be able to give.
Okay, Marquelle, get it in there!
Look at you!
Like, I get pretty competitive in sports.
I'm only competitive at things
that I feel like I have reason to be competitive, but--
We have to beat her mom's team.
Okay, Chelsea!
You got this!
Whoo!
Right into the gutter, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes!
-Uh-oh. Wait, is that my mom? -I think that--
What?
I mean, that looked pretty impressive.
Okay, I think we should quit now while we're ahead.
Tell me your name.
-Sophia. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you, Sophia.
So, Sophia found out she was pregnant after her husband died.
I was 31 at the time, and my husband was 33.
Like, completely unexpected of a heart attack.
I came across Michelle's organization.
There's something to be said about someone who understands firsthand
what it's like to walk in your shoes.
Right. Absolutely. How old is your child now?
-She is one and a half… -Oh, my.
-…and as healthy and happy and, like… -Adorable.
I'm chasing her around.
So, life just has a way of throwing curveballs.
And, you know, when we talk about gutsy women,
I think it's how adaptable you are to when life doesn't go as planned.
Yeah. When life throws something at you.
I was lucky enough to go to Camp Widow in 2015.
Was my first one.
Seven or eight months after Lynn passed. Thank goodness.
I've talked to a lot of older LGBT folks
who can't divulge they lost their partner, their person.
It just adds a whole 'nother layer of grief obviously.
-When you live your life a certain way… -Yeah.
…you don't just change just because this law now applies to you.
Lynn and I were called names very early on in our relationship,
and so we wouldn't hold hands, except for maybe just a couple places.
With marriage equality, when a woman says, "My wife,"
I'm like-- You know? Is that okay to say?
You know? There's still that layer of fear and protection.
Well, it's happened really fast.
-I mean, it was a long struggle-- -It was a long journey, and then--
-Yes, and then… -Yeah.
-…so much, you know, happened so quickly. -The velocity of progress, yeah.
When I came out, actually Defense of Marriage Act was happening.
And I'm a good, law-abiding immigrant Catholic school kid, you know?
If the government says this,
and my parents are reading this and everyone is reading,
then this must be how it should be.
You know what I mean?
Throughout my entire life until very late,
you know, compared to you or you,
you knew, but nobody acknowledged.
But my daughter was so much further along faster,
and it really made a big impact on me.
It was very hard for me when I was campaigning in 2008 for my mom,
and she supported civil unions, but she did not support marriage.
I would often be asked, like, "Do you disagree with your mother?"
And I would say, "Yes, there are areas." "Will you talk about them?"
And I would say, "No,"
because I didn't want to become fodder to be used against her.
But I couldn't also, like, look at myself in the mirror and--
and posture that we had no disagreements,
'cause we had some, like, pretty profound ones at the time.
Then I, you know, have to confess,
I'd never really thought about marriage until I was, like,
in my 20s and my friends started to get married.
It just seemed so outrageous to me
-that not all of my friends… -Yeah.
…could get married.
Legal marriage. I get why it's so important.
When I had to make the phone calls and say,
"I'm her partner, not her sister, not her cousin, not her mom."
To be the one obligated to do that was such an honor
and it was so validating.
I hit the button for her to be cremated.
It was an honor to hit that. It was also devastating, but it--
For me it was, like, the ultimate partner, like--
I successfully did "Till death do us part."
And this is just part of our love story.
-That is a great way to describe it. -It is, right?
I mean, we're still having memories together.
-She's rolling her eyes. -Still part of my love story.
-I love that. -Yeah.
We had a quote on our wedding program.
It said, "The only love you keep is the love you give away."
And you have to give it away in order to really appreciate it
and experience it yourself.
And sometimes loving someone means fighting for them.
Fighting to have your love recognized.
There's so much more space now in our world for rebel hearts.
The movement toward gay marriage, I want to celebrate the fact
that I and tens of millions of others have made this evolutionary journey.
Absolutely.
When you're meeting with these couples who have sought your help,
sought your guidance,
do they reinforce what you have chosen to do?
When I get to know these couples, I become a part of not only their story,
but part of the family.
Dear gracious God,
we thank you so much for the hands that I hold.
Ruben and Ari are a queer couple
from the outskirts of LA.
It's in a space that leans conservatively,
and they didn't have family who would support their union.
They got literally kicked out.
They are shuffling from couch to couch.
And so, they were like,
"Well, would you be able to do my wedding?"
I was like, "I'll definitely do your wedding."
They were like, "No one's gonna come, so it's just gonna be three of us."
And I said, "No, it's not. This wedding is my gift to you."
So, I go online, and I said,
"I'm looking for a queer photographer and a cool location." That's what I put.
At the end of this, the haircuts, the wedding planner, the cake,
the everything, was donated to this couple.
Wow.
Yes!
-Yeah. -Hey!
Hey, princesa. I'm like, "What?"
This is beautiful.
Ruben's gonna flip.
I have always felt like Ruben.
I just didn't know what it was until my teenage years.
I met Ari as a girl, but she was there with open arms,
just to accept me.
She said she doesn't care if I'm a man, woman, whatever I am,
she just loves me for who I am.
I feel better than flying.
I feel like I'm in the clouds.
They say a goldfish is only as big as its surroundings.
You put in a goldfish in this small tank, they stay small.
We were able to toss Ari and Ruben in this huge ocean,
and they are able to grow.
"Queerly beloved, today we are gathered here
to witness the union of Ruben and Ariadna."
The community rallied around them to craft a dream wedding
that they didn't believe that they deserved.
-All strangers that became family. -Wow.
It was like a chosen family.
-A chosen family. -A chosen family. I love that phrase.
Come a little closer.
Ari, we've been through a lot. I love you through it all.
Through our ups, the highest as we had, the lowest of the lows.
I wanna be by your side forever.
Ruben, life is crazy, but it will be even crazier without you.
You're my soul mate. What more can I say?
I'm ready to marry you.
You want me to hurry up, huh?
By the power vested in me by the State of California,
I declare you husband and wife. You may seal your union with a kiss.
We have met some extraordinary women
on this, uh, journey to discover rebel hearts.
The choice I make may not be the choice you make,
or the choice Gloria, Reverend Whittney, or Abby makes,
but we need to have the support from society,
as well as the internal fortitude,
to make the decisions that are right for us.
Each of the women brings their love into the world.
Creates more love for themselves and their families,
sometimes has to painfully reimagine what love can mean for them
after terrible loss.
And ultimately it just gives me a lot of hope
that there is so much love being nurtured,
created and shared.
And you-- I'll never forget, Mom.
We were at an event, and someone was speaking, and she said,
"You know, I have loved and I have been loved,
-and all the rest is background music." -Absolutely.
I remember that. I think about that all the time.
So do I.
You are a Libra, and I am a Virgo. On paper, we are not meant to be.
We are literally rewriting the stars.
I can't believe I get to live this life with you.
-Every day. -I mean, it's the miracle of our lives.
-Yeah. -Even though it is hard work
and you drive each other nuts
-and all the normal things. Yeah. -Totally drive each other nuts.
That's being a unit long-term.
-Now you can kiss me. -So--
So it's done? Wow, nice.
So, we can get up?
No. You're gonna stay, and I'm going home.
Leave him here.