1 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:06,040 Waffles in Warrior Pose. 2 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,476 Both empowering... 3 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,811 and delicious. 4 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:13,447 What kind of millennial hell is this? 5 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:14,815 "Random Eating." 6 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,584 We used to have this bit called "Random Dancing," 7 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,452 but this is way more grown-up. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,388 Next, we have... 9 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,328 "Lasagna in a Headstand." 10 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,263 Make like you just met a Hemsworth 11 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,299 and get those legs in the air. 12 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,336 Stop everything! Guys, meet Trina. 13 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,904 (giggles) Hi. 14 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,640 I'm collecting signatures for a bill on climate change. 15 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,075 Can I count on your support? 16 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,576 Sure. I'd love to sign. 17 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,112 Oh, aren't you cute? 18 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,680 Sorry, sweetie, this petition is for grown-ups. 19 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,383 Sure, put grown-ups in charge of climate change. 20 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,619 So far, so good. 21 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,522 Spencer, we're filming. You can't just interrupt 22 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,490 - while I'm working. - Oh. What is the use 23 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,927 of work when the planet is on fire? 24 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,197 Climate change is the single greatest threat 25 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,532 to our generation. 26 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,700 I talk about it endlessly. 27 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,703 All you talk about endlessly are robots and marshmallows. 28 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,639 He's just trying to get Trina's number. 29 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,574 BOTH: Mm... 30 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,310 Wait. Are you Carly Shay? 31 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,811 I'm a huge fan. 32 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,447 Aw. Thank you. 33 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,349 Yeah, I'd love to sign your petition. 34 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:27,255 Aw. On second thought, you keep it. (giggles) 35 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:28,822 You've been served. 36 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,691 Big fan, though. 37 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,395 Oh, my God. I'm being sued. 38 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:35,396 (all gasp) 39 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,665 But who is Lewbert Sline? 40 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:41,702 (gasps) Lewbert was our old doorman and archnemesis. 41 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,337 He quit after Carly moved to Italy. 42 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,705 Just up and left mysteriously. 43 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,040 - (all gasp) - (Spencer gasps loudly) 44 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,910 Why are you gasping? You know all this already. 45 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:53,013 I just realized her name probably wasn't Trina. 46 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,750 * I know you see * 47 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,253 * Somehow the world will change for me * 48 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,656 * And be so wonderful * 49 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:06,694 * So wake up the members of my nation * 50 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,362 * It's your time to be * 51 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,399 * There's no chance unless you take one * 52 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,033 * And the time to see * 53 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:17,338 * The brighter side of every situation * 54 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,139 * Some things are meant to be * 55 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,910 * So give me your best and leave the rest to me. * 56 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,746 * * 57 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,715 (screeching): Soda machine! 58 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,950 Stole my diet root beer! 59 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,052 (screams) 60 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,556 These videos were called "Messing With Lewbert." 61 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,025 They were, like, a perfectly innocent, 62 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,261 just, like, little pranking sketch. 63 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,596 (screaming) 64 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,635 (laughs) Oh. God, we were adorable. 65 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:50,771 And now he's suing me for wrongful injury, 66 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:55,376 emotional distress and irreparable loss of wart. 67 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,377 Can you believe this? 68 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,479 Yes, I can. 69 00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,847 "Messing" with someone is like 70 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,415 hiding your roommate's phone charger 71 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,850 because she takes long-ass showers. 72 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,286 - Wait, have you been-- - The point is... 73 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,288 y'all were nasty. 74 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,889 You don't see how nasty he was 75 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,824 in those sketches, okay? He terrorized us. 76 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:15,363 And he had this blood-curdling, soul-piercing scream. 77 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,698 (screams) 78 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,267 That's my Lewbert. 79 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,302 I do all of you guys, too. 80 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,037 Carly, no judge would ever side with Lewbert. 81 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,105 He's the worst. 82 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,374 You're right. 83 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,009 But, just in case, I have a plan. 84 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,311 I'll apologize. 85 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,179 I'll show some remorse 86 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,582 and all this will go away. 87 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,417 That may work when you try all of the grapes 88 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,718 at the supermarket, but-- 89 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,186 - Oh, no. Those are-- - FREDDIE: Carly, 90 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:41,589 those are not free samples. They are for sale. 91 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,860 Guys, there's no way Lewbert wins this case, 92 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,429 and I would know, I went to law school 93 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,230 for three days. 94 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,232 Every time you bring up law school, I think, 95 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,734 "He took someone's spot." 96 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,737 If your apology doesn't work, I'll represent you 97 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,439 and get this case thrown out in 15 minutes. 98 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,310 Guaranteed. Ten, if I don't get hammered the night before. 99 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,811 So probably 15. 100 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,946 Great. You all got this handled. 101 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,481 I'll stay here and watch Millicent. 102 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,982 You're not gonna come and support 103 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,484 your best friend in her hour of need? 104 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,353 Carly, I'm Black. I spend too much time 105 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,988 at the courthouse, something ends up being my fault. 106 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,791 * * 107 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,030 Millicent, do you want to see my new sticker? 108 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,264 Shh. Reading. 109 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,835 Hey, Olive, your mom's here. 110 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,470 Finally! 111 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,906 I-I mean, aw, already? 112 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,944 But we didn't check the oil and bond futures yet. 113 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:40,314 Let's save some fun for next time. Bye. 114 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,053 Do you ever feel like you're more sophisticated 115 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,688 than your friends? 116 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,257 Of course you do, you're friends with Carly. 117 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,727 Well, she does call them, "quesa-dill-as." 118 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,729 Olive and I aren't vibing. 119 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,565 She's still into playing horsies. 120 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,400 And I'm trying to bet on them. 121 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,770 Well, it's normal for girls to mature at different speeds. 122 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,171 Look, take me. 123 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,973 I was the last person in my friend group 124 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:08,041 to consider admissions fraud. 125 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,410 Thanks, bestie. 126 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,379 I love that word. 127 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:14,114 The way you Gen-Zers just use it all over the place. 128 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,449 I mean, us Gen-Zers. 129 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,917 I'm a Gen-Zer, right, bestie? 130 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,786 You want me to say you're a Gen-Zer? 131 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,621 I'd like to hear it out loud, yes. 132 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,956 * * 133 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,927 All right, Carly, apologize and we're out. 134 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,328 I can't stand being around Lewbert. 135 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,530 Yeah, he makes my skin crawl. 136 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,531 (Freddie and Spencer shudder) 137 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,265 His lack of hygiene, 138 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,167 that awful, grating voice-- 139 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,336 Hello, Carly. 140 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:38,672 So lovely to see you again. 141 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,875 Lewbert? Is that really you? 142 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:46,747 You look handsome, but also approachable. 143 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,482 You're like Paul Rudd. 144 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,818 Very kind of you to say. 145 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:54,054 I also want to say that I'm really sorry 146 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,356 for the way that we treated you when we were kids. 147 00:05:56,457 --> 00:06:00,694 I-It was immature, and silly. 148 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,797 Wow. 149 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,066 I feel so much better. 150 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,736 That was a great moment for us. 151 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:10,671 (gavel bangs) 152 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,272 Court is in session. 153 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,375 I have in front of me the civil suit 154 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,411 of Sline v. Shay. 155 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,714 Oh, um, Your Majesty... 156 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,486 I have some good news. 157 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,287 I apologized to Mr. Sline 158 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,492 in a very sincere and respectful way. 159 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,461 So, what do you say, Lewbie? 160 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,395 You want to forget about this whole thing? 161 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,964 I don't think so, Carly. 162 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,500 Your Honor, I'm seeking damages for the way Ms. Shay 163 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,035 tortured me and left me permanently disfigured. 164 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,005 How are you disfigured? You look fine. 165 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:48,041 You could pass for a dad in a Propecia commercial. 166 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,277 LEWBERT: Be that as it may, 167 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,880 I've literally lost the ability to smile. 168 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:56,216 My once melodic voice is now flat and lifeless. 169 00:06:56,316 --> 00:07:00,754 And, worst of all, I lost... my wart. 170 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,290 Spencer Shay for the defense! 171 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,893 His "injuries" are self-inflicted. 172 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,962 He would work himself up, and flail around 173 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:12,165 like a bird with another bird up its ass. 174 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,301 (squawking) 175 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,707 Your Honor, this is exactly why I'm suing Ms. Shay 176 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,609 for one million dollars. 177 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,911 - (all gasp) - Oh, really? 178 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,846 You're gonna ask for a million dollars 179 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,915 and not do the Dr. Evil pinkie thing? 180 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,449 God, I hate you, Lewbert! 181 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,352 Spencer! A sidebar, if you will? 182 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,123 I do not have one million dollars. 183 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,092 Ugh. 184 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,829 (as Dr. Evil): One million dollars. 185 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,765 We're gonna fight this. 186 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:48,135 Lewbert, I will see you in court! 187 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,037 Carly, we're already in court. 188 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,405 I know, but how many other chances will I have to say that? 189 00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,842 Several. We did a lot of messed-up stuff 190 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,176 when we were kids. 191 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,416 * * 192 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,485 Carly, are you sure Spencer can pull this off? 193 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,320 Objection! Move to strike 194 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,257 Freddie's annoying negative opinion. 195 00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,092 The trial hasn't even started yet. 196 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,361 I'll allow it. 197 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,066 Hello, Your Honor. 198 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,434 I stand before you, ready to establish mens rea. 199 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,370 Objection! Mens rea? 200 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,106 Isn't that the dating app for famous people? 201 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,275 No. That's Raya. 202 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,744 I would know. 203 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,480 Sustained. 204 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,949 "Mens rea" is a legal term 205 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,951 that means "intent of wrong-doing." 206 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,988 After I left the Bushwell, I put myself through law school, 207 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,456 and now I have a successful personal injury firm 208 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,893 called, "Sue With Lew." 209 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,496 I call to the stand Fredward Benson! 210 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:50,931 (Freddie chuckles) 211 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,700 I'm gonna bury him. 212 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,234 This is gonna be the best day of my life. 213 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,871 You really need to get out more, but go get 'em, tiger! 214 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,908 * * 215 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,476 MILLICENT: I'm so glad you suggested this spa day. 216 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,746 I'm already feeling better about dumping Olive. 217 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,248 You dumped Olive? 218 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,085 Faster than a couple that got engaged on The Bachelor. 219 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,822 I need someone older who I vibe with. 220 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,790 And I'm loving these vibes. 221 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,458 And you called me bestie, so... 222 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,628 Yeah, everyone uses that term now. 223 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,529 My bank's Twitter calls me bestie. 224 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,333 Oh. Okay. 225 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,468 It's 'cause I was having so much fun, 226 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,138 and my face is feeling so exfoliated. 227 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,142 Does that mean we aren't besties? 228 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,212 Uh... of course we are! 229 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,714 I'm just playing with you, bestie! 230 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,650 Ah, you got me, bestie! 231 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,918 I love fake-outs. So mature of us. 232 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:48,889 Or "ma-ture." Adults love to hit that T hard. 233 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,758 * * 234 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:57,064 Muffins? Well! Don't mind if I do. 235 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,166 (screams) 236 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,335 Pretty horrific, wouldn't you say? 237 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,971 No, I wouldn't. 238 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,106 - And none of it was-- - Your idea? 239 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,507 Oh, I know, sweet Freddie. 240 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,742 After all, whose name is on the show? 241 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,711 (scoffs) Carly. But that's not-- 242 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:14,381 Your fault. Of course not, I agree. 243 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,883 Why wasn't it "WeCarly"? 244 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,484 We actually did discuss it, 245 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,952 but apparently it tested poorly. 246 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,287 With who? 247 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:21,321 Carly. 248 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,024 It ain't called the "We-ternet." 249 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,759 And isn't it true you had a deep, 250 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,995 unrequited love for Carly? 251 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,930 Hey, it was occasionally requited. 252 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,065 Like when I threw myself in front of a taco truck 253 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,066 to save her. 254 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,102 So only when you're hurt. 255 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,570 (chuckles) Sounds less like love and more like pity. 256 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:41,074 Well, if you're gonna go off of how it sounds, 257 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,510 and looks, and is... 258 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,978 then yes. 259 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,647 And now aren't you back where you started? 260 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,017 Producing iCarly, doing her bidding, 261 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,186 even entering into a fake relationship, 262 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,488 all for whose benefit? 263 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,824 Carly. 264 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,760 Oh, God. 265 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,895 What has become of me? 266 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,131 Who am I? 267 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,899 No further questions, Your Honor. 268 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,568 Spencer! You gotta do something. 269 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,437 Get Freddie back on our side. 270 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:14,674 Your Honor, permission to wrap the witness in a warm hug. 271 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:19,179 Your Honor, I've got a slew of other witnesses, 272 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:23,083 all who will attest to Carly's horrific ways. 273 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,185 * * 274 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,358 He got Guppy? What bad things is he gonna say about us? 275 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,293 He's sweet. Hi, Guppy! 276 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,928 Happy birthday! 277 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,063 Ah! 278 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:39,032 Don't look at her, Mr. Gibson. 279 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,769 I called you here because you were witness 280 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:45,238 to the pain and suffering inflicted by Carly Shay 281 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,639 on your brother, Gibby. 282 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,341 BOTH: Gibby! 283 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:52,345 Well, Gibby wanted to do those stunts most of the time. 284 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,981 Uh-huh! Most of the time, 285 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,584 which means some of the time he didn't want to do them. 286 00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,552 Let the record show some of the time 287 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,254 he didn't wanna do them! 288 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,458 I liked it better when I just said happy birthday. 289 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,161 Is it anyone's birthday? 290 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,699 Happy birthday! 291 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,071 I call to the stand model Bushwell tenant, 292 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,174 and just the cutest little angel you've ever seen, 293 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,176 Chuck Chambers! 294 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,278 No. No! No. 295 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:29,249 What's in the box? What's in the box?! 296 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:31,852 Tell us why you're here today. 297 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,686 To state that the Shay siblings 298 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,555 are evil incarnate. 299 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,827 Carly played mind games with me when she was my tutor. 300 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,630 And Spencer, he locked me in a cage. 301 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,099 He squirted me with suspicious liquid, 302 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,702 and once, he threw a cupcake at me. 303 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:53,206 You liar! You did all that stuff to me! 304 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,774 Spencer! Get it together. 305 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,243 He brought Chuck here to throw you off your game. 306 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,677 Oh, you're right. 307 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,279 Just breathe, Spencey. Take a sip of water. 308 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,613 You wish it was water. 309 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,951 Come here, you little demon elf! 310 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,153 - (gavel banging) - JUDGE MATTHEWS: Order, order! 311 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,687 Stop that! 312 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,755 Get him out of here! 313 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:09,990 You want the truth? 314 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,559 You can't handle the truth! 315 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,727 Avenge me, Carly! 316 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:21,301 Um, Your Excellency... 317 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,271 ...in light of-- 318 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,206 well, you saw it-- 319 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:30,777 I hereby nominate myself to represent myself. 320 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,846 Can I do that? 321 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,082 Only if you grab me one of those cupcakes. 322 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,486 * * 323 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,021 Carter, let's hurry. 324 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,389 If we're late, they'll seat us at a communal table, 325 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,357 and I'm not sitting next to a paralegal 326 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,792 who had a bad day. 327 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:49,096 Or... we could always just stay here. 328 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,430 Oh. 329 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,365 Hey, bestie! 330 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,468 Um... hey, Millicent. 331 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,736 Now's not a good time. 332 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,471 We're actually about to go to dinner. 333 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,240 Hey, little mama. I'm Carter. 334 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,410 I'm not your mother, Carter. I'm Harper's bestie. 335 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,546 Wait. You guys are best friends? Cool. 336 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,415 So are you really young, or really short? 337 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,550 No judgment either way. 338 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:14,254 So we're gonna go, but you can stay as long as you like. 339 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,891 Hold up. I got some questions for this one. 340 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,960 Where were you born? What's your credit score? 341 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,995 Why are you not wearing socks? 342 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,265 You're not going on a boat. Are you going on a boat? 343 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,435 Um... I should go. 344 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,403 I think you need to put your bestie in time-out. 345 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,840 No, wait. You have such great bone structure, please. 346 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,743 His loss, bestie. 347 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,212 Now, let's hang out forever. 348 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,481 * * 349 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,918 So what's your plan? 350 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,620 I have called up the one person who hates Lewbert 351 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,156 as much as we do. 352 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,861 I'm going to turn that doorman into a doormat. 353 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:55,862 Nailed it. 354 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,530 * * 355 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,433 Lewbert was a horrible menace to everyone in the building. 356 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:04,004 He turned the Bushwell into the Bush hell. 357 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,905 Nailed it again, Benson. (giggles) 358 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,609 Wow, Mrs. Benson, thank you 359 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,911 for that case-shattering testimony. 360 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,715 Lewbert, the witness is all yours. 361 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:19,386 (sighs) She was once mine, wasn't she? 362 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,989 Hello, Marissa. 363 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,924 Seeing you almost makes me want to smile again. 364 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,694 But, sadly, I was robbed of that ability 365 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,929 by one Ms. Carly Shay. 366 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,832 Can it, Lewb. I'm not falling for it. 367 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,601 But I fell for you. 368 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,136 You nursed me back to health 369 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,638 after Carly's exploding muffin basket attack. 370 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,873 You put cream on my-- (gasps) 371 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,642 Oh, I can't even say it. 372 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:43,776 Your wart. 373 00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,545 (gasps) 374 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,514 I can still smell your perfume. 375 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:51,684 And you never forget the scent of your first love. 376 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,820 Permission to kiss the witness. 377 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,788 Permission freaking granted. 378 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,724 (both moan) 379 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,127 Objection! 380 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,195 (screams) 381 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,298 Your Honor, are you gonna let this just happen 382 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,299 in your courtroom? 383 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,534 Yeah. 384 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,869 I am strangely into it. 385 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:11,971 Ugh... 386 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,507 Mrs. Benson was our last hope. 387 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,376 We're screwed. 388 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,913 Your Honor, I no longer want to sue Ms. Carly Shay 389 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,182 for one million dollars. 390 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,851 He didn't do the pinky thing again! 391 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,919 Thank God. He's dropping the case. 392 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,988 (chuckles) Wrong again, Carlificent! 393 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,390 I just want more. 394 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,526 I want the money and ownership of iCarly. 395 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,794 (all gasp) 396 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,796 What? You can't take that from me. 397 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:41,368 But you can take as much of me as you want, you greedy bastard. 398 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,904 (grunts) 399 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,277 (Lewbert and Mrs. Benson moan) 400 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,384 This is really it. Lewbert Sline is going 401 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,552 to destroy my life. 402 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,054 This is the end of iCarly. 403 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,922 (screeches) 404 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,659 Freddie, Lewbert smiled. 405 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,129 I think I know how to win this. 406 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,167 Your Grace... 407 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,170 I, Carly Shay, 408 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,639 call myself, Carly Shay, 409 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,040 to the stand. 410 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,111 If I may be permitted this rare privilege. 411 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,046 Dear, well, that literally happens all the time. 412 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,882 Well, it's new to me, so I think it's exciting. 413 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,785 * * 414 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,523 Are you enjoying your adult meal of cauliflower crust pizza 415 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,759 with cashew cheese and tofu pepperoni? 416 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,894 You can't just call things other things 417 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,131 and pretend they actually taste good. 418 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:47,367 So, thanks for taking me to your lawyer's office 419 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,735 so I can make a living will. 420 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,904 It was very fun, and not at all depressing. 421 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,040 Your life seems like so much more fun 422 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,143 - when I see you with Carly. - Oh, at our age, 423 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,678 we're just riding high on supplements. 424 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,980 Oh, well, I'm out. 425 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,649 Carly's getting killed in trial, 426 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,584 and I gotta risk it all to support her in court. 427 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,287 - You got our pizza? - Huh? 428 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,956 I got spa day, you get this. 429 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,691 That's what adult besties do. 430 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,327 And you're my adult bestie, right? 431 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,298 Yes, sure am, and I definitely have the money. 432 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,934 Ha! (forced laugh) 433 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,905 Okay, well, love you, mean it. Bye, bestie. (smooches) 434 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,515 Oh, hello, Millicent. 435 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,083 Fancy meeting you here. 436 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,918 Olive, I was wrong. 437 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,420 Grown-up stuff is not fun. 438 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,656 They spend all their time getting stuff reappraised. 439 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,860 I'm sorry, Olive. I should've been your bestie. 440 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,396 Instead, I was your worstie. 441 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:50,563 I forgive you. 442 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,632 But, hey, who's gonna pay 443 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,067 - for this nasty pizza? - Nobody. 444 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,969 Kids dine and dash. 445 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,605 Let's go, bestie. 446 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,407 * * 447 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,175 Dash, Olive, dash! 448 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,976 * * 449 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:09,182 Wow, three hours of all my wrongdoings. 450 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,184 You want to take a break? 451 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,521 Mm. I've got stamina. 452 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:15,655 Just ask Marissa. 453 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,890 I was perpetually exhausted. 454 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,660 I am going to set myself on fire. 455 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:26,065 Is there anything you'd like to say for yourself? 456 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:30,737 Yes. I want to say thank you. 457 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:34,006 Objection! I... 458 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,475 Huh? 459 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,511 Do you remember when you sneezed into Spencer's open mouth 460 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,247 - and got him sick? - Ooh, I do! 461 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,716 It tasted like seaweed and dirty kitchen sponge. 462 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,184 That was an accident. 463 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,187 But that accident led to so much more. 464 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,623 After Spencer got sick, he couldn't take me 465 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,225 to the Air Force Father-Daughter Dance, 466 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,094 so my dad came from Italy and he took me instead. 467 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,931 Right after she said "no" to me taking her. 468 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,400 I'm fine. 469 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,436 I went back with him to Italy, where I fell in love 470 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,004 with gelato. 471 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,274 And then, when I came back here, Skybucks was trying out 472 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,509 these new gelato-infused lattes. 473 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,478 Oh. "Ge-lattes." 474 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,879 We melted ice cream into coffee 475 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,648 and charged people $12. Allegedly. 476 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,852 And that's where I met Harper. 477 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,921 I love who I am today. 478 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,190 So, win or lose this case, 479 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,225 no one can take that away from me. 480 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:32,532 My life is so much better now, thanks... 481 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,867 to you. 482 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,072 (screaming) Your life is better? 483 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,409 (shrieking): No! 484 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,879 Are you kidding me? 485 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,481 Her life is better? 486 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,585 (shrieks) Three years of law school 487 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,355 and student loans 488 00:20:55,455 --> 00:21:00,627 and selling my hair like Fantine from Les Mis. 489 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:02,228 (shrieks) 490 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:05,465 Wait. Did you go to law school just to get back at me? 491 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:06,966 Of course I did! 492 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:11,371 And now you thanking me! 493 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,340 (shrieks) 494 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,382 Oh, my God! The wart! 495 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:25,184 - I need the name of that concealer. - Same. 496 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,186 (shrieks) 497 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,921 Oh! 498 00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,190 Oh! 499 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,659 Oof! (sneezes) 500 00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:34,761 (screams) No! 501 00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,629 Not again! Ugh! 502 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,332 (shrieking) 503 00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:46,339 You see? This is what I was talking about. 504 00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:51,378 He's unhinged, untrustworthy, and clearly unwell. 505 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:53,713 I move to dismiss. 506 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:57,083 - Yes! - (all cheering) 507 00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:02,589 No, that's not how court works. 508 00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:04,924 Why? He was faking everything. 509 00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:07,960 This man is guilty of being shrill and repulsive, 510 00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,296 but you tormented him. 511 00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:11,564 I'm ruling in his favor. 512 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,466 So Lewbert gets my show? 513 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,968 That's also not how court works. 514 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,137 Have you heard of the First Amendment? 515 00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:21,408 You can't stop someone from making an okay web show. 516 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:24,110 Well, it's not for you, Your Honor. 517 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:30,650 Your actions have consequences, Ms. Shay. 518 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:34,387 I'm awarding Mr. Sline $250,000 519 00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:35,922 for pain and suffering. 520 00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,757 (gavel bangs) 521 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,892 You can cheer now. 522 00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,695 (scattered clapping) 523 00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:45,565 (faintly): Yay. What a victory. 524 00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:48,367 * * 525 00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,603 To Carly, for putting Lewbert in his place. 526 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:54,907 And to Spencer, for paying that settlement. 527 00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:56,609 (laughter) 528 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,277 What are brothers for? 529 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,547 Sure, I won't be able to get that animatronic giraffe 530 00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:03,115 that chews my salad for me. 531 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,384 Just kidding, I'm getting it. I'm really rich, guys. 532 00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:08,455 How'd you know your speech was gonna crack Lewbert? 533 00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:11,090 'Cause he said he lost his ability to smile, 534 00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,792 but then he smiled when he thought 535 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,594 I was gonna lose everything. 536 00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:15,762 I knew he was faking it. 537 00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:17,464 You know who isn't faking it? 538 00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:20,933 My mom. I really regret sharing a wall. 539 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:23,970 - Get it, Grandma B. - Mm. Uh-uh. 540 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,438 Silver lining to the trial. 541 00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,874 Chuck and I made up. He even got me another box 542 00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:29,809 of cupcakes as a peace offering. 543 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,444 - Mm... - No. 544 00:23:31,544 --> 00:23:32,945 Uh, people do change... 545 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,347 Oh! 546 00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:40,553 Deliciously played, Chuck. 547 00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:41,921 Deliciously played. 548 00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,923 * * 549 00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,998 * * 550 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:12,985 Ooh! 551 00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:15,488 MAN: He hates these cans.