1 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:06,274 Good morning, Mr. Mint. 2 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,943 Here's your breakfast, Radical Rosemary. 3 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:13,214 Rise and shine, Jim. 4 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:16,917 You're giving off very strong lonely widow vibes. 5 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:20,821 I'm watering my plants for my new iCarly PlantCam. 6 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,657 It's a livestream so viewers can pop in at any time 7 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:24,925 and check on their progress. 8 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,628 It's become something of a soap opera. 9 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,597 Yeah, I can tell by looking at his leaves, 10 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,832 Jim is the evil twin. 11 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,868 Why are you dressed like the Grim Reaper 12 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,003 on casual Friday? 13 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,771 I am trying on my new outfit 14 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,873 for when Granddad Shay visits next week. 15 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,042 I'm hoping if I dress like an old person, 16 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,311 it'll help us bond. 17 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,712 I'm also gonna dye my hair white. 18 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,247 Why would you do that when you could just stop 19 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,015 dying it brown? 20 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,351 Just be cool. 21 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,819 We haven't seen Granddad in forever, 22 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,155 and I really want this visit to be a good time. 23 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,889 He's like the only family we have. 24 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,024 (doorbell ringing) 25 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,359 He's not the only family we have. 26 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,060 We also have dad and that lady 27 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,363 who claimed to be our sister right when she needed a kidney. 28 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,470 Granddad? What are you doing here? 29 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,740 I realize I'm a week early. 30 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,776 Traffic was a lot better than I expected. 31 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,012 - (giggling) - Oh, Carly! 32 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,448 My little gumdrop. 33 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,417 It's been quite a while. I've really missed you. 34 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,353 Aw, me too, Granddad. 35 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,355 Spencer. 36 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,990 So close, we don't even need a nickname. 37 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,092 Hey, let's all go around and say what we like 38 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,395 about each other's life choices. 39 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,597 Patches on your elbows? 40 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,133 - Huh? - Oh, do you need a loan? 41 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,470 No, Spencer spent two years 42 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,972 decorating this whole place himself. 43 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:48,075 He picked all the furniture, every tabletop, 44 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,443 every light fixture. 45 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,044 Impressive. 46 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,581 I did two tours in Vietnam. 47 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:54,948 Well, I haven't just decorated. 48 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,550 Lately I've been spending most of my time 49 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,386 focusing on my new business. 50 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,788 That's right, I have a business. 51 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,055 It's new. 52 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,957 I do business there. 53 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,530 You wanna see my coin collection? 54 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,234 * I know you see * 55 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,803 * Somehow the world will change for me * 56 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:19,207 * And be so wonderful * 57 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:23,444 * So wake up the members of my nation * 58 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,112 * It's your time to be * 59 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,915 * There's no chance unless you take one * 60 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,684 * And the time to see the brighter side * 61 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,887 * Of every situation * 62 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,889 * Some things are meant to be * 63 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,760 * So give me your best and leave the rest to me. * 64 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,197 What do you need, Radical Rosemary? 65 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,433 More water? Less water? 66 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,401 Sparkling water? Use your words! 67 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,669 (phone ringing) 68 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:52,072 I'm so busy. Work texts, PlantCam, 69 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,208 shopping for wigs that, let's face it, 70 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,143 I'm never gonna buy. 71 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,746 Harper keeps saying that I should get an assistant. 72 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,081 But it usually only comes up when it's her turn 73 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,750 to unload the dishwasher. 74 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,720 I just wish I had more time to spend with you, Granddad. 75 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,456 Don't worry about me, Carly. 76 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,525 Since I retired, I've gotten used to being lonely and bored. 77 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,494 I spend most of my days watching re-runs 78 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:16,330 of Third Rock from the Sun. 79 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,698 Let me go through my schedule 80 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,100 and find time for us to spend together. 81 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,936 Uh... no. 82 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,137 Not then. 83 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:28,476 Why did I write "panic attack" with a smiley face? 84 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,644 Carly, you have no system. 85 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,846 Here, let me show you mine. 86 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,884 Those all just say "watch Third Rock from the Sun." 87 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,352 (sighs) If they stop 88 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,020 rerunning that show, I don't know what I'll do. 89 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,957 Granddad, that system is actually amazing. 90 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,094 Wait. You should be my assistant! 91 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,496 Think about it. 92 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,031 You're bored, you're super organized, 93 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,467 and you love unloading the dishwasher. 94 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,202 Unless you think it'd be weird? 95 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,339 No, I think it'd be a great way for us to spend time together. 96 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,308 I'll start right now. 97 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,042 Clock me in, Gumdrop. 98 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,577 Also, when's lunch? 99 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,748 Why do you need to call your doctor 100 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,517 about an irregular cycle? 101 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,453 Is your Peloton broken? 102 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,289 There it is. There's the weird part. 103 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,595 Now, the menu is not finalized yet, 104 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,830 but check this out. 105 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,065 I took my smoothie pops, aka "smops," 106 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:27,100 and I made them with juice. 107 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,137 Behold the J-Smop! 108 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,209 So, they're just Popsicles? 109 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,779 Yeah, but I copyrighted J-Smops. 110 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,214 Okay, I have to go. 111 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,183 I'm auditioning hamsters for a therapy position, 112 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,552 and parking's a nightmare. 113 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,286 How do you audition hamsters for therapy? 114 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,788 Oh, you'd be surprised. 115 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,257 Some hamsters can be more empathetic than others. 116 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,225 I'm just kidding. I buy a bunch of hamsters, 117 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,762 and the ones who don't run away get the gig. 118 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,097 Yeah, you better go. 119 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,499 Finding a parking spot in Seattle 120 00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,833 is like finding a quiet Aries. 121 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,202 (laughter) Right. 122 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,204 (laughing) So true! 123 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,706 (continues laughing) 124 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,342 Don't even get me started on how an Aries gets gas! 125 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,146 Okay, I'll see you guys later. 126 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,816 - Okay, bye-bye. - HARPER: Bye, Pearl. 127 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,418 Total Aquarius move. 128 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,087 - Not that he would know. - Yeah, not that he would know. 129 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,290 Agreeing with Millicent makes me feel young. 130 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,693 Pearl loves astrology 131 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,160 and I want to be able to talk to her about it. 132 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,997 Ooh, let me do your birth chart. 133 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,433 It's like the old saying, "Teach a man to fish 134 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,667 and he'll catch a Pisces." 135 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,536 (laughter) 136 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,237 Ooh, girl, let me catch a breath! 137 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,441 That is fully hilarious for those in the know. 138 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,512 Just plug in the time and location of your birth, 139 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:45,913 and your mother's pelvic angle. 140 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,517 Thirty-one degrees. Very auspicious angle. 141 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,752 Very sad I know that. 142 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,823 Huh. 143 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,126 Moon. Pisces. 144 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,894 The Fourth House?! 145 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:04,465 Oh, this is bad. Bad, bad, bad. 146 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,300 What? Does it say I'm gonna die? 147 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,902 Worse! Your birth chart 148 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,204 is a perfect match to my birth chart. 149 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,640 We're soul mates. 150 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,842 (laughing) What? 151 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,877 - No, we're not. - I know! 152 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,612 I mean, she is so out of your league. 153 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,013 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 154 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,282 You're lucky Harper even knows your name. 155 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,787 Come on, Harper. This whole thing is bogus. 156 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,591 Your skepticism balancing my whimsy? 157 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,092 But of course. 158 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,628 We're perfect for each other. 159 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,530 (whimpering) 160 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,098 Are you crying? 161 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:41,869 Damn you, Mom, and your scheduled C-section. 162 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,705 This J-Smop is hitting. 163 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,079 I'm working, not shopping! 164 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:55,683 Not for your lowly assistant to judge, but here goes. 165 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,951 Those shoes are ugly. 166 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,789 Is there anything else I can do for you? 167 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,591 - I am kinda hungry. - Ah. 168 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:07,661 You could have one of my pre-prepared morning snacks. 169 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,630 FYI, they're all yogurt. 170 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,699 It helps me go. 171 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,233 Key lime pie? 172 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,903 Granddad, you are begging for a promotion. 173 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:19,540 (chuckles) And I booked you a collab. 174 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,841 - Seriously? - Mm. 175 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,543 I'm surprised you know what a collab is. 176 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,545 I looked up a list of young words on the web. 177 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,380 I do not wanna be a cheugy! 178 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,182 So, who's the collab with? 179 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,084 Me and the coins. 180 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,855 Hmm. Let me think about it. 181 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,490 (phone ringing) 182 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,158 I'll get that. 183 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,360 That's your assistant's job. 184 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,996 Carly Shay's office. 185 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,598 Pot guy? 186 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,667 My granddaughter is not a druggie! 187 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,803 The '60s are over! You lost! 188 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:55,142 It's not the pot guy, it's my pottery guy. 189 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,277 - Oh. - My babies are finally growing up 190 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,079 and gonna be able to move into bigger homes. 191 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,549 Oh. Sorry I messed up that call. 192 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,384 You know, I could use a list of my job responsibilities. 193 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,486 Sure, I'll write something up for you later. 194 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,921 how 'bout you type it up now? 195 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:10,357 Size 84 font. None of that sans serif crap. 196 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,560 And while you're up, I'll take a Werther's 197 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,828 and a cup for my teeth. 198 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,741 Ah, your steak au poivre at 10:00 in the morning. 199 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,977 I have no follow-up questions. 200 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,713 It's for Granddad. I made him my assistant 201 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:33,947 so we can spend more time together. 202 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,649 Then why are you getting him a steak? 203 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:39,186 I guess I somehow kind of became his assistant. 204 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,255 No fair, he always picks you! 205 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,025 You know what, why don't I have Granddad 206 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,526 come here and have lunch? 207 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,195 Then, you can show him the restaurant 208 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,730 and he can show you his teeth. 209 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:53,033 Which reminds me, can I get a thick, clear cup? 210 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,403 Granddad can't come here, he'll rip this place apart. 211 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,538 I at least need to paint a mural on that wall. 212 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,473 You're right. Granddad will probably look 213 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,576 at that blank wall and be all, "In my day, 214 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,244 "we didn't have blank walls. 215 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,547 We had one bone and we made five weeks of soup out of it." 216 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:11,551 Hey, Carly. Are you mad at me? 217 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:13,654 - No, why? - Because I asked you 218 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,589 if you wanted anything from the grocery store earlier, 219 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:19,760 and you replied, "No. Period. Bye. Period." 220 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,261 Oh, no. 221 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,563 Granddad must be replying to my texts from my computer. 222 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,398 - Mm. - Everyone knows old people 223 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,834 are the worst texters. 224 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,836 They don't get digital nuance. 225 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:31,739 Yeah, well, he's also yelling at people in the iCarly comments. 226 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,374 He's logged in as you and it looks like you told someone 227 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,176 to go die in a jalopy fire. 228 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,880 I don't know what a jalopy is, but the rest sounds pretty mean. 229 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:43,050 What am I gonna do? I can't fire my own Granddad. 230 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:47,554 One banana almond smoothie with five strawberries 231 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,556 - and a splash of apple juice. - That's mine. 232 00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,524 I ordered the same thing. 233 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,293 That doesn't mean we're soul mates. 234 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,863 - You guys want straws? - BOTH: No straw, long spoon. 235 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,666 (gasps) I told you! 236 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:03,871 Our two hearts beat as one, you gorgeous dumbass. 237 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,276 Wow, Granddad Shay, 238 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,212 that was a really interesting coin presentation. 239 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,681 Thank you, young lady. 240 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,548 Guess you could say I'm a "coin-fluencer." 241 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,584 You're a real "coin-tent creator." 242 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,986 (both chuckle) 243 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,621 Look at that, we both coined new phrases! 244 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,691 And that's it for our first episode of... 245 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,893 BOTH: My Two Cents! 246 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,498 "Coin-tent creator"? 247 00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,166 Not my proudest moment. 248 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,469 But he pays me $20 every time I laugh at one of his jokes. 249 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,739 And say what you will, 250 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,908 Granddad brought a ton of viewers to your livestream. 251 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,876 Way more than you usually get. 252 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,846 You filmed that on my livestream? 253 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,148 Well, what happened to my PlantCam? 254 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,417 Turns out there was a change of "plants." 255 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,153 (laughing) 256 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,059 Granddad, this is my channel. 257 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,228 Do you think Oprah lets her granddad 258 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,595 do coin shows on OWN? 259 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,732 No, and that's the only difference 260 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,100 between you and Oprah. 261 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,401 Thank you, Carly. 262 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,870 For the first time since I retired, 263 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:13,040 I feel a real sense of accomplishment. 264 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,008 Actually, the first time was last week at Skybucks 265 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:18,779 when I successfully ordered a frappuccino. 266 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,914 Well, I don't wanna take it away from you 267 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,251 if you're really enjoying making these coin videos. 268 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,488 Maybe we can do a collab. Your coins, my plants? 269 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,223 Pass. 270 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,993 Actually, Granddad and I have a list of stuff for you to do 271 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,728 while we rehearse the next segment. 272 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:39,699 It's an appreciation of the 1787 Brasher Doubloon. 273 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,302 People need to know about the Brasher D. 274 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,871 Do they? 275 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,842 Of course, they do! It's the Brasher D. 276 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,213 I get 10 when I agree with him. 277 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,151 Okay, what kind of therapy animal would you suggest 278 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,420 for a 49-year-old woman with a fear of flying? 279 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,057 Well, we could be responsible and recommend a small dog. 280 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,159 Ooh, or we could be bad, give her a snake, 281 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,996 and wind up with a plane full of new customers. 282 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,532 Pearl! I have something to tell you. 283 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:16,169 Fredward and I are soul mates. 284 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,637 Excuse me? 285 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,239 Harper did my birth chart 286 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,508 so I could learn more about astrology to impress you, 287 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,243 and our charts are a match. 288 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,511 A perfect match. 289 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,113 Can you please tell Harper 290 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,747 that this doesn't mean anything? 291 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,349 I'm sorry, but I can't do that. 292 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,119 The stars have spoken, and we must listen. 293 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,653 What?! 294 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,623 You're very practical. Taurus? 295 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,591 Yeah, dude. 296 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,560 But I also did Freddie's chart, 297 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,262 and, well, your mom and I have been texting 298 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,164 ever since she put a tracking device on my car. 299 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,266 - (mouthing) - But he and I, 300 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,600 also a perfect match. 301 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,171 Now, we just have to see who matches with him physically. 302 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,373 Only one way to do that. 303 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,079 Here? Now? 304 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,513 (clears throat) 305 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,149 The three of us? 306 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,285 BOTH: Salsa dancing. 307 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:09,289 Wait, what did you think we were talking about? 308 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,392 Salsa dancing. 309 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,228 Okay, so to recap. 310 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,831 I'm a perfect match for both of you. 311 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,867 Two of us want to date each other. 312 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,202 Two of us have absolutely no interest 313 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,603 in dating each other, 314 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:27,875 and we're gonna solve this with salsa dancing? 315 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,410 Well, you wouldn't solve it with a Viennese waltz. 316 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,879 That would be insane. 317 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,685 I'm not the coin-fluencer's assistant! 318 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,154 He's my assistant! 319 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,690 I agree, it's not going well! 320 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,226 What are you doing? 321 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,694 I am swamped. 322 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,662 Granddad gave out my email on the show. 323 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,900 Can you believe that? He knows my email. 324 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,434 I thought Millicent was his assistant. 325 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,137 Nah, she's his number one, I'm his number two, 326 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,839 and you're kind of like our intern. 327 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,674 It's kind of amazing the show is so popular. 328 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,443 Mm, not really. 329 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,878 They come for the buffalo nickels, 330 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,981 but they stay for the silver fox. 331 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,250 Apparently, Granddad is hot. 332 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,853 Spencer, I'm forwarding Granddad's emails to Carly. 333 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,188 You're not responding fast enough, 334 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,057 and your tone could use some work. 335 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:20,393 Fine, let's see if Granddad's Gumdrop 336 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,195 can handle the deluge! 337 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,431 (phone chiming) 338 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,765 Ugh! 339 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,035 Granddad, we need to talk. 340 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,904 Oh, Mr. Shay can spare 20 minutes 341 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,705 Thursday of next week. 342 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,477 This isn't working. 343 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,613 All I wanted was to spend quality time with you. 344 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,316 But, I'm sorry. 345 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,886 I have to... fire you. 346 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,058 (whispering) Pack your bags. 347 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,061 (softer) Please. 348 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,965 You're firing me? Huh? 349 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,133 That's an interesting wrong decision. 350 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,335 (phone chimes) After I answer 351 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,570 these last few emails. 352 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,272 I don't wanna leave you in a lurch. 353 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,773 Who is Vinny? 354 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,375 He's an old friend. 355 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,678 Why does he say he's going to "quaff you in the noof"? 356 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,080 (phone chimes) Oh, wait. 357 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,048 "Sorry for the typos. I'm driving. 358 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,951 Meant to say I'm gonna stab you in the neck." 359 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,088 He's like an old friend and an enemy. 360 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,123 I wish there was a colloquial term 361 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:26,126 to describe that relationship. 362 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,061 He also thinks I stole my coins from him. 363 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,329 Well, why would he think that? 364 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,098 Because I stole my coins from him. 365 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,832 I lost them to Vinny in a poker game, 366 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,102 so I broke into his place and took them back. 367 00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,405 Coin heists? Nemesis?! 368 00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:43,043 If you're a supervillain, you have to tell me. 369 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,682 Granddad, you have to give the coins back to Vinny. 370 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,084 He's on his way here to kill you. 371 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,021 You mean us. Vinny's not big on witnesses. 372 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,922 I'm not giving these coins back. 373 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,890 They've been in the family for generations. 374 00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:01,661 Your great-great-grandfather stole 'em fair and square. 375 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,431 You're gonna risk your life over coins? 376 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,966 It's not like they're front row tickets 377 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,635 to Ricky Martin. 378 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,306 Vinny is not murdering Granddad. 379 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,643 If Granddad is gonna die, it is gonna be from natural causes 380 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,478 or falling into a pond and drowning 381 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,647 'cause he was trying to feed a specific duck. 382 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:24,084 I'll think of a way out of this. Just leave it all to me. 383 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,852 Spencer, I really appreciate 384 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,620 you helping out your old Granddad. 385 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,356 And if you pull this off, 386 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,358 there is a crisp twenty-dollar bill 387 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,659 with your name on it. 388 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,227 Wait, so saving your life 389 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,129 and laughing at your jokes gets the same amount? 390 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,465 Carly, shut up. I want those twenty bones. 391 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,838 Thanks for letting us have salsa night at your place. 392 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:49,076 Well, thank you for being a part of my plan. 393 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,244 What plan? 394 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,580 My secret plan. 395 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,782 If you're gonna do a dramatic pause, 396 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,151 it's always best to do it with a... 397 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,620 ...prop. 398 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,292 Isn't Spencer's restaurant great? 399 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,194 I like the cool blank wall. 400 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:10,697 I feel like it's saying, "Hey guys, I'm just a wall. 401 00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,633 So, why doesn't everybody chill out and move on?" 402 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,034 I call it lazy. 403 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,503 In my day, you had a blank wall, 404 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,372 you put up a sign to "Join the Army." 405 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,873 It won't be blank for long. 406 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:24,444 It's all part of the... plan. 407 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,715 (coins jingling) 408 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,883 What the hell are you wearing? 409 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:34,587 These are my custom-made Spencer Shay salsa slacks. 410 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,524 (coins jingling) 411 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,195 Wait, are those my coins sewn into your pants? 412 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,364 They're slacks, and yeah, 413 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,534 it's all part of the... plan. 414 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,769 How are they... 415 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,772 Oh no, Vinny's here. I'm dead. 416 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,844 He looks both frail and scary, 417 00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:00,647 so I'm relieved, but still terrified. 418 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:08,020 And now... I dance. 419 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,689 Spencer, if he sees your pants... 420 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,624 It's part of the plan! 421 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,199 - Give me my coins back. - What coins? 422 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,967 The coins on your coin collecting show, 423 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,770 which I watched and really enjoyed, by the way. 424 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,473 Hey, here's a fun different topic 425 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:29,442 to help us all forget about coins. 426 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:33,880 Can you believe they have women pilots now? 427 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,750 Well, I'm ready for salsa dancing 428 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,152 to decide who I'm compatible with, 429 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,254 even though I've already decided I like Pearl, 430 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,055 and astrology is ridiculous. 431 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,625 He still thinks it's up to him. 432 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,295 Oh, God, I hope we suck at this. 433 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,530 Not as much as I do. 434 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,233 (salsa music playing) 435 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,179 (both exclaiming) 436 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,319 Damn it, we're great at this. 437 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,856 You'll pry those coins out of my cold, dead fingers. 438 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,559 I'll do it when your fingers are warm. 439 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,128 It takes two hours for a body to cool down. 440 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,333 That Lena Horne is some hot dish, huh? 441 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,701 (coins jingling) 442 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,670 Who is this kid? 443 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,071 He's my grandson, 444 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,173 and I'm as disappointed as you think I am. 445 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,877 Spencer, if Vinny sees your pants, 446 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,279 he's gonna know where the coins are. 447 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,147 You gotta get out of here. 448 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,354 And now... we dance. 449 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,859 (salsa music playing, coins jingling) 450 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,896 Our turn. 451 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,298 Let's dance like nobody's watching, 452 00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,199 even though people are. 453 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,684 Look at them, working out their problems through dance. 454 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,587 Why don't you guys try that? 455 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,188 Help less, Gumdrop. 456 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,559 All right, let's finish this. 457 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,195 See if you can handle some of my signature moves. 458 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,347 Why?! 459 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,192 FREDDIE: Ah! 460 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,962 Freddie! 461 00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,165 Do you know what this means? We're a match! 462 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,435 Ooh! 463 00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:10,202 Hold up, hold on. 464 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,805 Hey, girl, what's your sign? 465 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,007 Libra with a Leo rising. 466 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,345 Ooh, I'm a Sag with a Libra rising! 467 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,846 We're compatible! 468 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:22,081 I'm good. Freddie's all you. 469 00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,753 All right, enough pleasantries. 470 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,621 Time for murder. 471 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,990 No, Vinny, wait! 472 00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,329 Your coins are on these pants! 473 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:40,132 You're lucky the little lady stepped in, Shay, 474 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,134 because you were about to tango 475 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,738 with Osteo and Porosis. 476 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:50,943 Thanks for saving my butt, guys. 477 00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,346 Unfortunately, I can't pass those coins 478 00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:54,614 down to you after all. 479 00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:57,450 Actually, I think you'll still be able to. 480 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:02,689 The coins will be hidden in plain sight 481 00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:04,290 at Shay What forever. 482 00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:07,026 Wait, then what was sewn into your pants? 483 00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:12,064 Oh, my custom-made Spencer Shay fake coins. 484 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:16,002 All part of my... scheme. 485 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:17,904 Great job, Spencer. 486 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,540 Spencer, oh-ho! 487 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,743 I'm proud of you. There, I said it. 488 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:26,045 (choking up) Proud of me? 489 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:31,250 I'm just... so happy... 490 00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,987 My whole life... Family hug! 491 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,657 (sobbing) 492 00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:41,160 Spencer, Carly, you "coin" always count on me. 493 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,862 (Spencer groaning, Millicent laughing) 494 00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,798 (laughing continues) 495 00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:53,239 Are you sure you wanna drive back to Yakima tonight? 496 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,307 I don't want to overstay my welcome. 497 00:22:55,408 --> 00:22:57,376 - You could never... - Let me put it bluntly. 498 00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,812 You're getting on my nerves again. 499 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:05,184 Good news, Granddad. 500 00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:07,319 Looks like you and I could be soul mates as well. 501 00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,922 But there's only one way to find out. 502 00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:13,493 - I thought you'd never ask. - Oh! 503 00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,228 (salsa music playing) 504 00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,768 And there it is. 505 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:23,503 There's the weird part again. 506 00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,416 * * 507 00:23:58,170 --> 00:23:59,305 Ooh! 508 00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:01,440 MAN: He hates these cans.