1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,972 (playing off-key) 2 00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,383 That was "Careless Whisper" 3 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,052 by the innumerable George Michael. 4 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,154 That's not what "innumerable" means. 5 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,323 Oh, yes, it is. On Brother's Day, 6 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,526 we only say nice things to Spencer. 7 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,895 So yes, that was definitely George Michael. 8 00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,697 Isn't that right, guys? 9 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,099 - Obviously. - Of course! 10 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,600 Innumerably! 11 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,802 You're a regular Kenny G. 12 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,904 Or a regular Craig Saunders. (giggles) 13 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,707 Y'all don't know him. We went to boarding school together. 14 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:42,009 But he could shred on the sax. 15 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,611 I went to boarding school. 16 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,115 You know, my mom played Kenny G to me in the womb. 17 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,783 She read that playing smooth jazz to a baby in utero 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,985 is supposed to make them come out gifted. 19 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:55,856 (laughs) With that? The gift of being lame? 20 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,926 Cut it out. Be nice to Pearl. 21 00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:00,894 'Cause she's my perfect little cupcake. 22 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,830 You're my perfect little jellybean. 23 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,132 (both giggle) 24 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,999 -We're the worst. -The worst! 25 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,536 Yeah. You really do suck. 26 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:11,972 (grunts) 27 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,041 I thought you really liked Pearl. 28 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,809 What changed, Milli Vanill? 29 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,011 Look, I only trust her as far as I can throw her, 30 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:21,715 which is not very far because I'm 11 and she's at least 52. 31 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,090 Thank you all for being here. 32 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,526 And a special thanks to my girl Tootsie. 33 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,196 It's just too bad she's only allowed out once a year. 34 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,764 'Cause of my brass allergy. 35 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,867 Ugh, so frustrating. You're so talented! 36 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:45,806 So, everyone, raise your OJ and beer "man-mosas." 37 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,408 To Spencer. 38 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,076 This drink is sweet and makes no sense. 39 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,411 Just like you. 40 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,147 -Thank you. -ALL: To Spencer! 41 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,515 Ah, thanks, sis. 42 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,484 I'm honored to be your big brother. 43 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,519 Did I make sacrifices? Sure. 44 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,088 So I never backpacked through Europe 45 00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,923 or finished law school 46 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,859 or toured with the U.S. cast of Stomp. 47 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,462 And maybe in a different world where I wasn't a surrogate dad 48 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,965 to Carly, I'd have settled down by now with my one true love. 49 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:16,103 Yet, a thousand meaningless one night stands later, 50 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,739 I'm all alone. 51 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,608 But, hey, Carly's doing great. 52 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,247 Happy Brother's Day. 53 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,717 ALL: Happy Brother's Day. 54 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,820 * I know you see * 55 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,256 * Somehow the world will change for me * 56 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,692 * And be so wonderful * 57 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:42,730 * So wake up the members of my nation * 58 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,765 * It's your time to be * 59 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,435 * There's no chance unless you take one * 60 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,069 * And the time to see * 61 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:53,140 * The brighter side of every situation * 62 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,142 * Some things are meant to be * 63 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:58,979 * So give me your best and leave the rest to me. * 64 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:03,016 * * 65 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,686 I feel so guilty knowing that I held Spencer back 66 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,120 from finding true love. 67 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,522 Don't blame yourself. 68 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,124 Your brother's an idiot. Nice place, though. 69 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,194 What if I hire a really expensive 70 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,463 matchmaker for Spencer? 71 00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,365 Oh, that's a terrible idea. 72 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:20,033 What if I already hired a really expensive matchmaker 73 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,470 to help Spencer, and I can't get my deposit back? 74 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,639 Then yay! Best sister ever! 75 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,642 Her name is McKenna Donatacci. 76 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,043 And apparently, she's on this show called... 77 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,446 -Code Red Flags. -Code Red Flags? 78 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,382 You hired the host of Code Red Flags 79 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,483 to find Spencer a match? 80 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,418 -Do you know her? -Uh, yeah! 81 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,719 J'obsessed. 82 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,488 I've seen every single episode. 83 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,155 I even submitted an audition tape 84 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,024 once or twice or 17 times. 85 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:48,396 She says that every single guy is either one of two things, 86 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,831 a Red Flag or a Mr. Cool Guy. 87 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,500 What's a Mr. Cool Guy? 88 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,768 It's her prototype for the perfect guy. 89 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,271 Frosted tips, tasteful choker, 90 00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,207 and tattoos in a language he does not speak. 91 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,275 (doorbell ringing) 92 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,777 -Oh, my God! -(screams) 93 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:09,049 Hi, McKenna. I'm Carly. 94 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,051 And I'm Carly's roommate, Harper. Huge, huge fan! 95 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,820 Can I try on your shoes? 96 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,222 In your mind you can. 97 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,393 So, Carly, before I fix up your brother, 98 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,029 I need to make sure there are no... red flags. 99 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,931 (screams) 100 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,166 Now, there are three in particular that every man 101 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,735 should avoid. 102 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,803 Red flag number one: no roommates. 103 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,239 If he still splits the rent, she shall not consent. 104 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,674 'Cause that's a red flag, y'all. 105 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,577 I love it when she says it. 106 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,046 Well, Spencer owns this very apartment, 107 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,448 so one for one. 108 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,416 Red flag number two: 109 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,784 Height. 110 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,253 One should just be tall. 111 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,522 If you're under five nine, don't waste my time, 112 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,190 'cause that's a red flag, bitch! 113 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,595 "Be tall." It seems like a hard rule to follow. 114 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,096 But Spencer does. 115 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:59,066 And red flag number three is immaturity. 116 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,001 See, women want a man who's confident, 117 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,871 but doesn't demand attention at all times. 118 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,407 If he acts like a baby, it's not even a maybe. 119 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,042 (singsongy): 'Sup? 120 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,579 Oh, uh, Spencer! Your bonnet? 121 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,214 Uh, Carly, your face? 122 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,951 Spencer. Hi, McKenna Donatacci, professional matchmaker 123 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,720 with an extremely high success rate, 124 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,655 and owner of four cars. 125 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,859 Mm. You're helping Harper? She's single, and has no cars. 126 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:29,830 Spencer! Don't tell McKenna I have no cars. 127 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,434 This is my gift to you. 128 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,902 You said you hadn't met the one. 129 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,070 Uh, I don't really have trouble getting ladies, 130 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,507 but if it makes you happy, Carly, 131 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,776 I'll go out on multiple dates with beautiful women. 132 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,179 Just no Caitlins. I'm so done with Caitlins. 133 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,315 * * 134 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,085 Finally, we can catch up on The Good Fight. 135 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,354 Hey, you didn't watch any episodes without me, right? 136 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,491 No. But I might've had a dream with exact plot 137 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,427 of the next three episodes. 138 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,761 Oh, you are the worst liar. 139 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,863 -You're the worst liar. -(both giggle) 140 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,698 So, what are we thinking for dinner? 141 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,299 Lamb chops or spaghetti? 142 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,801 Oh, Pearl doesn't eat meat, so... 143 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,803 Lamb chops it is. 144 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,306 Great. So now you're gonna bully my girlfriend too? 145 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,875 I smell a rat. 146 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,910 Mm. You've been talking with Millicent, haven't you? 147 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,012 Yep. And if our little Milli Vanill 148 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,881 doesn't trust Pearl, then neither do I. 149 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,383 She's the first woman you've seriously dated 150 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,052 since adopting Millicent. 151 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,587 I'm just looking out for her. 152 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,388 Who, Pearl? 153 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,057 No! Millicent. 154 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,894 Not that mousy-haired barnacle you scraped off a crab trap. 155 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,498 (clears throat) 156 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,067 She... saw me, right? 157 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,036 I'm sorry. She and Millicent are struggling to get used to me 158 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,838 being in a real relationship. 159 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,206 They somehow figured out a way to make sure 160 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,476 that I only get male Uber drivers. 161 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,211 Look, as long as you're living under your mother's roof, 162 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,180 she is gonna treat you like a child. 163 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,181 Uh... 164 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,684 Just my opinion. 165 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,752 She does not treat me like a child. 166 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,621 Babykins, you want your lamb chops cubed 167 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:04,057 and not touching anything else on the plate, like always? 168 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,827 (giggles) My food can touch. 169 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,163 * * 170 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,735 Oh. Are we sad eating or sex eating? 171 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,436 Can't help but notice the two plates 172 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,472 and the zero underwear. 173 00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,811 I have met the lady of my dreams. 174 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,679 She's intelligent, she's funny. 175 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,048 I'm pretty sure she has two tongues. 176 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,584 I'm sorry I doubted you, sis. 177 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,385 You were so right to hire McKenna. 178 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,855 So, who is my future sister-in-law? 179 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,290 (pants) Morning! 180 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,759 Oh, hey, McKenna. 181 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,829 Whoa! Spencer has that same robe. 182 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,933 * * 183 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,439 Good morning, beautiful. How was your shower? 184 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,341 -Did you miss me? -We're not there yet. 185 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,276 BOTH: Yet! 186 00:07:57,044 --> 00:08:00,080 Your coffee. You get my special Carly mug. 187 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,582 Oh. Ah, look at that. 188 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,050 She's on both sides. 189 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,952 And the bottom. 190 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,888 Well, it's my turn to shower. 191 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,823 Hopefully, you left me some strands of hair 192 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,726 stuck to the wall. Mwah! 193 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,463 (squeals) 194 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,732 We want details. Tell us everything. 195 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,134 Yes. Tell me more, tell me more. 196 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,335 Like did he have a car? 197 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,971 Are you quoting Grease? 198 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,706 I just feel very uncomfortable right now. 199 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,307 (grunts) 200 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,710 Oh, well, you know how it goes. 201 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,211 I said I liked his art. 202 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:34,114 He said, "Then you'll like my body even more." 203 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,415 I said, "Never say that again." 204 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,050 And then we had sex. (clears throat) 205 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,553 Look. Please don't tell anyone about this. 206 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,388 A matchmaker should never sleep with her client. 207 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:44,692 Aw. And I shouldn't have slept with that lady at the library. 208 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,561 But she was hot. And very quiet. 209 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,831 (sighs) This is so unprofessional of me. 210 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,233 Spencer's not even the type I go for. 211 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,936 Well, what's wrong with my brother? 212 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,906 I mean, it's not every day you meet a Spencer Shay. 213 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,508 (playing off-key) 214 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,879 (sneezes) 215 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,881 Brass allergy. 216 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,050 * * 217 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,989 Guess who found the coolest fedora? 218 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,491 Or I can save that story 219 00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,661 for when whatever this is blows over. 220 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,997 We know how much you like Pearl, but we thought it would help 221 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,099 to get the whole picture. 222 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,705 We've done a deep dive on Pearl, 223 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:35,108 and trust me, the world does not seem to be her oyster. 224 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,410 I have it on good authority 225 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,579 that she claps when the plane lands. 226 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:43,416 She orders ice cream in a cone, then asks for a cup. 227 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,886 Okay, Princess Diana. 228 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,857 And I've seen her eat a banana without peeling it first. 229 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,059 Oh, so you're not just bullying Pearl, 230 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,361 you're spying on her, too? 231 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,363 Peel and all? Is it even ripe? 232 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,665 Don't blame Millicent. 233 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,199 This was all my idea. 234 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,702 I'm gonna go polish your old fencing trophies. 235 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,604 That always helps me blow off steam. 236 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,708 (sighs) 237 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,177 Millicent, now that my app's taken off, 238 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,080 your old dad has a little extra lettuce in his crisper. 239 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,582 I think it's time we look for a new place. 240 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,118 I do not think so. Good talk, though. 241 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,054 And that's why I'll be paying rent. 242 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,790 So I'm the one making the decisions. 243 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:26,760 From now on, just call me Rent Daddy. 244 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,495 Never. We can't move. 245 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,664 I hung a poster. 246 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,900 -Millicent... -With a nail! 247 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,303 A unit just opened up in The Windham. 248 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,138 Look at this. Three bedrooms, 249 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,973 two bathrooms with Jacuzzis, 250 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:43,476 and Bette Midler's niece lives in the penthouse. 251 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,880 And this... would be your room. 252 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,149 (gasps) 253 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,718 The view from my bedroom 254 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,552 is literally the one on this poster. 255 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,121 I know! 256 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,889 (sighs) We need a fresh start, kiddo, 257 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,491 somewhere to put down roots. 258 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,861 Okay. Let's do this. 259 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,362 All right! Let's do this! 260 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,797 But I do have one request. 261 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,899 - What's that? - Dump Pearl. 262 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:06,767 No. 263 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:07,801 But even monkeys know 264 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,737 you peel the banana first. 265 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,706 * * 266 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,743 McKenna said she wants to keep things between us 267 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,911 "strictly business." 268 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,547 That it was a one night stand and nothing more. 269 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:23,183 I feel so used. 270 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,618 Cool, but used. 271 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,856 I've never seen you like this. 272 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:35,863 I am indeed... forlorn. 273 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:40,233 Well, maybe McKenna just needs to see you in a different light. 274 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,735 What, like dusk? 275 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,370 That's when bats come out, and I cannot be chill 276 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,405 if I know they're up there. 277 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,840 You know her type. 278 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,976 - What, a Mr. Cool Guy? - What's a Mr. Cool Guy? 279 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,812 It's how she dresses all the guys on Code Red Flags. 280 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,381 Like a guy who gives off a club promoter vibe 281 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,983 even at the grocery store. 282 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,586 If we turn Spencer into a Mr. Cool Guy, 283 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,321 he'll be irresistible to McKenna. 284 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,024 You really think this could work? 285 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,693 Yes, I do. And so should you. 286 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,428 Now, all hands in on three. 287 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,830 One. Two. Three. 288 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,065 - Makeover! - Mr. Cool Guy! - Yippee! 289 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,301 We probably should've gone over it before. 290 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:18,071 * * 291 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,608 Hey. 292 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,576 (screams) Freddie! 293 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,879 This gift is almost as good as those vintage 294 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,448 toenail clippers you got me for my birthday. 295 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,682 Wait, what gift? 296 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,551 A son moving his mother 297 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,320 into a luxury high-rise building? 298 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:37,690 The ladies in my book club are fuming with jealousy. 299 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,660 Danica bit her wine glass in two. 300 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,831 I filled Grandma B in 301 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,833 on all the details about our new apartment. 302 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:49,069 Including the Jacuzzi jets. 303 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:53,006 You know you've made it when your tub purrs. 304 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,176 Bacterial nightmare, but what a flex! 305 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,113 I'm sorry, Mom. Millicent misunderstood. 306 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,915 It's just the two of us moving into The Windham. 307 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:05,118 - Oh, you and me? - Ooh. Mom, no. 308 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:06,887 Me and Millicent. 309 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,555 But there are three bedrooms. 310 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,757 Yes, one for you, one for me, one for-- 311 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,725 Let me guess. Pearl. 312 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,795 No. My office. 313 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,765 Our office. 314 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,334 I'll just use the kitchen. 315 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,970 There it is. 316 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,738 Maybe you're not thinking clearly. 317 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,908 Did you go number two today? 318 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,478 You get so cranky when your pipes are clogged. 319 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,247 No, Mom. This is the decision 320 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,616 that's right for me and my daughter. 321 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,319 I can't be your little boy forever. 322 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,353 I'm a Rent Daddy now. 323 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,856 (screams, cries) 324 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,092 Oh, Mom, come on! 325 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:49,196 There's no way that means what he think it means. 326 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,198 * * 327 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,700 (doorbell rings) 328 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,703 McKenna. 329 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,838 I am about to change your life. 330 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,440 My life is perfect. 331 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,109 Come in anyway. 332 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,045 This better be worth it. 333 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,915 I just left lunch with a man who's seven foot five. 334 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,717 Oh, it will be. 335 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,420 May we present to you... 336 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,157 Mr. Cool Guy. 337 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:21,228 * * 338 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,868 'Sup? 339 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,172 Oh. Is that every member of Entourage I see? 340 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,775 Oh, no. That is actually your dream man. 341 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,946 And, incidentally, my brother Spencer Shay. 342 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:43,416 (laughs) Spencer? Are you in there? 343 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,818 I think so. 344 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:50,657 Note the skin-tight jeans, the sole dangly earring, 345 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,425 the deepest of V-necks. 346 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:55,395 Behold the V. 347 00:14:56,729 --> 00:15:00,367 Isn't he everything you ever wanted and more? 348 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:02,970 Wow. 349 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:07,874 This is easily, without a doubt, 350 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,910 the biggest red flag I have ever seen! 351 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,912 * That's a red flag * 352 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,148 * Do you know what I mean? * 353 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,050 * * 354 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,823 What do you mean, I'm a red flag? 355 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,059 Put your two tongues in my mouth and tell me that. 356 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:31,031 Look, normally, I would crawl through that frosted-tip tundra 357 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,665 on my hands and knees. 358 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:37,604 But, people, he let his sister do a makeover on him! 359 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,706 Who is she talking to? 360 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,610 It's classic codependence, which is a big no-no, 361 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,579 as I say in my book, Be Like This, Not Like That, 362 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,681 available wherever books are sold. 363 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,850 Oh, that reminds me. We need to go to the bookstore. 364 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,685 The new spooky stories are coming out tonight. 365 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,022 And we can read them under the covers with a flashlight. 366 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,090 Ooh, don't tell me the ending. No spoilers. 367 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,126 So, don't you find it weird 368 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,627 that you guys live in the same building? 369 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,961 Weird? I mean, it's not like 370 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,131 - we live in the same apartment. - Anymore. 371 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:06,899 Mm-hmm. And don't you have the same friend group? 372 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,002 Well, sure. There's Carly's roommate Harper, 373 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,637 my neighbor Freddie, Freddie's daughter-- 374 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,605 Ooh, Freddie's mother. 375 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,542 I guess most of our friends are in this building. 376 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,711 - Ooh, ooh, and... Wait, water? - No, thank you. 377 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,548 Tell her your names in each other's phones. 378 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,452 Sister Daughter. 379 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,820 - Brother Father. - Mm. 380 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,889 You're right. We're like two globs 381 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,525 of tapioca at the bottom of a boba tea. 382 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,960 Delicious. 383 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,895 BOTH: Impossible to separate. 384 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:40,200 Fixed it. I now put her in my phone as Honey Sister. 385 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,901 * * 386 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,004 I promise. You'll still see us all the time, Grandma B. 387 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,574 I can even send you videos of Dad sleeping. 388 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,009 Oh, don't worry. I already set up a nanny cam. 389 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,412 But I'll tell you a secret. 390 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,714 I might miss you even more than Freddie. 391 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,016 Just don't tell him. He'll be crushed. 392 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,623 Millicent, um, I have some bad news. 393 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,126 You're back to finish that fedora story? 394 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,062 It actually has a juicy twist. 395 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:12,632 Our application was denied. We're not moving. 396 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,434 I think the best thing for our family 397 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,836 is to be with our whole family. 398 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,338 (cries) 399 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,673 Long live the Bensons! 400 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,376 -No. Just the Bensons. -Oh... 401 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,377 What... No. 402 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,313 Stop! Stop it! 403 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,516 (sighs) For the last time, Pearl is a part of my life, 404 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,618 which means that she is a part of yours, too. 405 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,786 So get with it or... 406 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,856 Actually, no "or." End of sentence. 407 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:40,293 Freddie, I've never seen you so assertive before. 408 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,528 Say more things like that. 409 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:42,895 (chuckles) 410 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,331 Watch this. 411 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:47,434 Mom, if Millicent and I are going to stay here, 412 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,336 then I insist on paying the rent, 413 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:52,305 but you have to start treating me like an adult-- 414 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,808 nay, a Rent Daddy. 415 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,511 Ugh! 416 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,147 Hey, Millicent, here's a thought. 417 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,150 How about we turn your poster into life-size wallpaper? 418 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,418 That way you can still have your waterfront view. 419 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,919 I can help. 420 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,957 Not a bad idea, Pearl. Not bad at all. 421 00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,825 Want to go get tacos with me and Dad? 422 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,128 You can even sit at the same table as us. 423 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,097 I'd love that. Millicent Vanillicent. 424 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:19,966 Don't try to do your own thing. 425 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,036 Come on, gals. 426 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,508 Ugh. 427 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,042 With all the money I'm saving in rent, 428 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,512 I bet I can get Pearl on that no-fly list. 429 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:37,584 We'll see if she likes to clap as the bus pulls into the depot. 430 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,386 (cackles) 431 00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:43,089 * * 432 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,025 Maybe we need some space from each other. 433 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,396 One of us could move out of the building. 434 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,332 Yeah, one of us could. Maybe you? 435 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,101 Sure. Yeah. 436 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,603 Why me, though? 437 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:57,904 Well, you rent. I own. 438 00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,339 And with the market the way it is-- 439 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,107 Oh, don't you talk to me about the market, okay? 440 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,109 - I know all about the market. - I know 441 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,512 - all about the market! - Forget about the market. 442 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,314 McKenna Donatacci is leaving. 443 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,849 My problematic angel. 444 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,819 (sighs) Look, as long as you two are enmeshed, 445 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,187 Spencer will never have 446 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,788 a meaningful relationship with a woman. 447 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,490 Trust me. I wrote the rules. 448 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,560 Which you can hear about on Trust Me, I Wrote the Rules, 449 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,263 available wherever you get your podcasts. 450 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,800 Now, hold on a second. 451 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:34,807 McKenna, you may be a gorgeous, wealthy, best-selling author 452 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:37,544 and TV personality with a beautiful smile 453 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,812 and illustrious hair... 454 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,181 But? 455 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,883 Yeah, and a great butt. 456 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,653 But you're wrong. 457 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:47,987 Maybe I haven't had 458 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,756 a meaningful romantic relationship, 459 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,992 but I raised the best woman I know, my sister. 460 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,329 Aw, Spence. I feel seen. 461 00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:01,301 And if Carly really is a "helicopter sister," 462 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,904 well, then, I'm the pilot inside of her. 463 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,308 Babe, no. 464 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,078 But what about all the things you said on Brother's Day 465 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,447 about me getting in the way of you settling down? 466 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,884 Carly, I chose to spend those years raising you. 467 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,386 I don't regret one day of it. 468 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,954 Besides, I was five "man-mosas" deep at brunch. 469 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,256 I could've said anything. 470 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,958 Like my real age, which, again, is 32. 471 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:30,229 - Yeah. 32. - Mm. 472 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:35,868 Oh. Sorry, uh, two siblings hugging 473 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,104 a little weird for you? 474 00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,674 (crying) 475 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:45,077 Why is McKenna Donatacci crying? 476 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,781 I'm sorry. 477 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,150 I'm sorry, it's just so beautiful. 478 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,853 I wish I had a relationship like yours, 479 00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:57,223 but none of my 11 brothers will talk to me 480 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:59,926 because I call all my nieces ugly. 481 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:03,262 What? I tell it like it is! 482 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,466 Well, I'm sure you can patch things up. 483 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,935 Open communication? 484 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,270 That's a green flag, chica. 485 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:15,074 True, although I don't love the optics 486 00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,777 of you saying "chica." 487 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,279 (sighs) But thank you. 488 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,282 So... (sniffs) 489 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,051 Spencer... 490 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,387 all dolled up with nowhere to go? 491 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:33,826 Tell me, have you ever made love in a gondola? 492 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,863 No. 493 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,031 Yet another thing I missed out on because of Carly. 494 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,503 * * 495 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:44,671 Popcorn, anybody? 496 00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:46,773 Oh, we're good, thanks. 497 00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:55,615 Mm. 498 00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:58,918 (music plays on television) 499 00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:00,520 What are you guys watching? 500 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,989 It's Code Red Flags. McKenna is roasting all of us. 501 00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:04,624 Is it weird that I'm kind of excited 502 00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:06,225 to hear what she says about me? 503 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,929 Carly Shay? She is not well. 504 00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:12,732 Sincerely. Get help, girl. 505 00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:15,802 I didn't even get a rhyme? 506 00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,336 * * 507 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:18,871 Well, at least you didn't get red flagged. 508 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,407 (clicks tongue) Yeah. 509 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:23,009 And now, for this week's eligible bachelorette. 510 00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:26,312 Please welcome... Harper. 511 00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:28,581 Hi. I'm Harper. 512 00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,282 I'm a stylist from Seattle. 513 00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:32,719 I'm mind your business years old. 514 00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,154 And if your shirt has a team logo, 515 00:22:35,254 --> 00:22:38,591 then, baby, it's a no-go. 516 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,827 And how tall are you? 517 00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:43,396 Six foot one. 518 00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:46,799 * * 519 00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:52,004 What? She said, "Be tall." 520 00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:01,347 * * 521 00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:22,334 Ooh! 522 00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:24,637 MAN: He hates these cans.