1
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[Alfred Newman's "New York" playing]

2
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[woman 1] Yes?

3
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[woman 2] …of people in the street,
does it bother you--

4
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Yes.

5
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-[audience laughs]
-[Fran laughs]

6
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[woman 2] …when people stop
in the middle, in the flow of traffic,

7
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and look at their maps or…

8
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[audience laughs]

9
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Unfortunately,
I'm not gonna have time to answer this.

10
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[laughs]

11
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Do people in the street bother me?
Absolutely, they bother me. Here is why.

12
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I feel like I should write a manifesto.
I used to be a writer.

13
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-Um…
-[audience laughs]

14
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That would… The title of which would be,

15
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and this is kind of an advisory
to these people that you're talking about,

16
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Pretend It's a City.

17
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Okay? Pretend It's a City.

18
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I cannot stop for one second or stand
in front of a place, smoking a cigarette,

19
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without ten people
instantly asking me directions.

20
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And I'm surprised by this,
because I always think, "Really?"

21
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"Do I look welcoming to you?"

22
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[audience laughs]

23
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[Alfred Newman's "Street Scene" playing]

24
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[Fran] There are a lot of things
on the ground in New York.

25
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You know, there are a lot of crosswalks,
not that anyone obeys them except me.

26
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I always yell at cars.
"You're in the crosswalk!"

27
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[man chuckles]

28
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[Fran] You know, as if, like, they care.

29
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There's graffiti on the ground.
There are ads on the ground.

30
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But there are numerous places in New York

31
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where there are plaques,
like, laid into the ground.

32
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This is something that I just love,

33
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because it means that they are hoping
that someone is gonna look at this.

34
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I don't think they did this thinking,
"It's gonna just be Fran."

35
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"Everyone else
is gonna be looking at their phone."

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"It's only gonna be Fran,
but she's worth it."

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"Let's put all these plaques for her."

38
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["Street Scene" continues]

39
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[Fran] Near the library,
there are different plaques for writers.

40
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And then there are some quotes
from the writers.

41
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I think it's pretty optimistic to imagine
people are gonna read the quotes.

42
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["Qué Rico el Mambo"
by Pérez Prado playing]

43
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[Fran] Yes? In the back.

44
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[man] Hey, Fran.
Uh, I actually never heard of you before.

45
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-That's a good way to break the ice.
-[audience laughs]

46
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[Fran] Yes?

47
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,560
[woman] How would you
describe your lifestyle?

48
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,230
[Fran] How would I describe my lifestyle?

49
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Let me I assure you,
I would never use the word "lifestyle."

50
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[audience laughs, applauds]

51
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[man] Bravo.

52
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[Fran] That's pretty much
how I would describe it.

53
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[mambo music continues]

54
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[woman] What's keeping you in New York?

55
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[Fran] People often ask me,
"Why are you still here?"

56
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-Like, okay, where would you suggest?
-[audience laughs]

57
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Okay, so here's the thing.

58
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If there was another place that I could
think of, I would have gone there.

59
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[man] Here you are.

60
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[Martin] Okay.
What do you think? This is it.

61
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-[man] Fine.
-[Martin] Let's do it.

62
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[dishes breaking]

63
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-[Martin] There you go.
-[man 2] God. Sorry.

64
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[Martin] Do you remember, Fran,
I said never have anybody shoot

65
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-in your car or your apartment.
-You told me after they ruined my car.

66
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-[Martin laughs]
-When I complained about the car.

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[mambo music ends]

68
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[vehicles honking]

69
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-[siren wailing]
-[vehicles honking]

70
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-[car alarm blaring]
-[machinery whirring]

71
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[cash register dings]

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[Martin] Does complaining change anything?

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-[Fran] You mean, does it help?
-[Martin] Yeah.

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[Fran] Um…

75
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You mean, if I complain about the things
I complain about, will they change?

76
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[Martin] Yeah.

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Not so far.
I mean, of course, I'm a young woman.

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I once met a psychiatrist at a party,

79
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and I said to him… [clicks tongue]

80
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…"I cannot think of a more boring job
than being a psychiatrist."

81
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And he said, "You have no idea

82
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what it is like
to go to school for 14 years

83
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and sit all day long and listen to people
complain about noise."

84
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[both laugh]

85
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So, apparently, that's what it's like
being a psychiatrist in New York.

86
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Everywhere else in the country, people
are talking about their mother, husband.

87
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No, in New York, noise.
They go in. It's like $500.

88
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They sit there and complain about noise.

89
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New York is never boring.

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In other words, if I'm sitting somewhere
waiting for something,

91
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like, say, oh, I don't know, a subway,

92
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or if I'm sitting on the subway waiting
for the subway to, I don't know, leave,

93
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-um…
-[Martin chuckles]

94
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Most people are on their phones.

95
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A few people are reading,
but that's never been me. You know?

96
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I'm sitting there,
and I am just looking at my fellow man.

97
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And this is, most of the time,
excessively interesting.

98
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Too interesting.

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This is what you see
in streets of New York.

100
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Not just people walking and texting

101
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or standing in the middle of the sidewalk
when I'm trying to get through. Um…

102
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but you also see people doing things that
I know would never have occurred to me.

103
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In other words, I don't have a phone,
so I've never texted,

104
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but I firmly believe
that if I did have a phone and I did text,

105
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it would never have occurred to me
to do this whilst walking.

106
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A few months ago…
I haven't seen this numerous times,

107
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but this particular combination of things
stood out in my mind.

108
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I saw a kid riding a bike
down Seventh Avenue.

109
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He was, with one hand, texting,

110
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with the other hand,
eating a piece of pizza,

111
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-and was driving the bike with his elbows.
-Ooh.

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He had his elbows on the thing.

113
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And of course, I…
Of course he almost ran me over.

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Not that he noticed.
That's why I noticed him.

115
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And I thought,
"I am a person who believes, every day,

116
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I have a very high chance
of being killed crossing the street."

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"This is a person who believes
nothing will ever happen to him."

118
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If you took away the texting
and the pizza, I still wouldn't--

119
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-And the elbows used to ride the bike.
-[Martin laughs]

120
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If you gave me a bike,
and I had nothing in my hands,

121
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and I had my hands on the handlebars,
I wouldn't ride a bike on Seventh Avenue.

122
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I know how to ride a bike.
Okay? So I wouldn't do that.

123
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All these things,

124
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and it's an astonishment to me that,
every day, tens of thousands of people

125
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aren't slaughtered
in the streets of New York.

126
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-[Martin] Yeah.
-I don't know why this happens.

127
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It is an amazing thing,
because there are millions of people.

128
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Uh-- The only person
looking where she's going is me.

129
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I am the one person in the whole city
who is watching where I'm going.

130
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One of the worst things, you know…
There's many things that are horrible,

131
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but one of the worst things is how
New Yorkers have forgotten how to walk.

132
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-[Martin] Mm.
-Okay?

133
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One of the great things
about New York used to be,

134
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yes, there were a billion awful people
in the street, but there was…

135
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Every single person
in the street knew that,

136
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as you're walking toward other people,

137
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you move a little bit,
they move a little bit.

138
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-That's right.
-Okay?

139
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That's why everyone was still alive
at the end of the day.

140
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[laughing]

141
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Now, people don't do it.

142
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Okay, so what I do now…

143
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They don't do it
because either they're on their phones

144
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-or because they live in a world of one.
-Mm-hmm.

145
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,573
And sometimes… I bumped into someone
because they were not paying attention,

146
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and I thought,
"I'm gonna let 'em walk right into me."

147
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,911
Um, and they looked up,
like, annoyed, and I said,

148
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"Other people in a hotel lobby.
Isn't that astonishing?"

149
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,754
-[Martin laughs]
-Like, you know, what…

150
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,249
And that's why I feel like,
pretend it's a city,

151
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,042
you know, where there are other people.

152
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:26,456
And pretend it's a city where there are
people who are not here just sightseeing.

153
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:30,547
-[Martin] Mm. Yeah.
-You know? Who have to go places.

154
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,845
To their appointments, so they can pay
for all this junk that you come to see.

155
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[Martin laughs]

156
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,598
[Richard Rodgers's
"Carousel Waltz" playing]

157
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[Fran] That neighborhood is horrible.
Times Square, the worst neighborhood.

158
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,613
But you rarely have to go to Times Square.

159
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:51,533
So if you have to go to Times Square,
usually because you have to see a play,

160
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:55,374
you think, like, "I have to go
see the play, and it's in Times Square,

161
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and so I'm gonna try
to arrive at the theater

162
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,165
without having gotten into 75 fights
with people, because…"

163
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,340
Sometimes I will, like, figure out,

164
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,168
if I have to go
to a theater in Times Square,

165
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,974
how can I get there
walking through Times Square the least?

166
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:12,298
And I will do this even if it means
walking all the way around.

167
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,465
I think, "Let's see. What if I walked up
to 125th Street, then all the way down?"

168
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,346
"Then I can pretty much miss this.
That's long, but it would be worth it."

169
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,902
[soft orchestral music continues]

170
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,784
The opening of Phantom of the Opera
was a big benefit, an AIDS benefit,

171
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:37,616
and I was on the committee of this,
but I don't remember what thing it was.

172
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:41,253
Um, so I had these tickets
to the opening of it,

173
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,750
and so I invited my mother to come.

174
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,170
And so we had these, like,
you know, fantastic seats.

175
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:50,013
What people think are.
In the orchestra, in the middle.

176
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,759
My idea of a fantastic seat
is in the back, on the aisle,

177
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-so you can get out, you know.
-[Martin laughs]

178
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:58,509
So the second I get into the theater,
I'm plotting to get out. Uh…

179
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:02,388
And I must have been
the only person in New York

180
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:06,356
who had not been reading about this,
you know, because it was such a big deal.

181
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,689
So when the chandelier
fell from the ceiling,

182
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,404
I thought the chandelier
was falling on us.

183
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:13,744
-[Martin] Oh, Fran, no. Oh…
-And I screamed. I created such…

184
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,701
If there was internet then,
you would still be able to see this.

185
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,122
-[Martin] Didn't you see the movies?
-I didn't.

186
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,161
-I thought…
-The whole--

187
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,754
-It goes right over.
-Yeah.

188
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,539
But my mother, of course, knew,
'cause she was like…

189
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:28,424
My mother said, "This kid, she's always
been a problem. She's still a problem."

190
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:31,302
And I was hysterical.
'Cause it came like this.

191
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,010
I thought it was falling down.

192
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:34,550
-[coughs] Um…
-[Martin laughs]

193
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,052
So that's mostly what I remember
about Phantom of the Opera,

194
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,967
except, like, thinking
it was unbelievably horrible.

195
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,557
You know, "This is unbelievably horrible."

196
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,903
This is exactly
the kind of thing that I hate.

197
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,358
You know, um, it's like Evita.

198
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,899
Robert Stigwood, um, had this thing.

199
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:55,244
Um, he in-- He was a producer of Evita.

200
00:10:55,321 --> 00:11:00,491
And he invited a few people,
like 25 people,

201
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:03,406
to the Plaza Hotel,
which was still the Plaza Hotel then,

202
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,826
not like now,
which had a little theater in it.

203
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,455
So I went to this, I saw this,

204
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:11,502
and afterwards, Stigwood asked me
what I think, and I said,

205
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:15,677
"Are you out of your mind?
A musical about Eva Perón?"

206
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,675
-"You'll be laughed out of New York!"
-[Martin laughs]

207
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,561
"Don't do it!" I said.

208
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,889
So this is why I would never
make a lot of money in the theater.

209
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:25,885
-[Martin] Exactly.
-And…

210
00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:28,726
But from the point of view
of a musical about Eva Perón,

211
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,653
I was completely correct.
I was completely correct.

212
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:36,112
And then I went to see it one night
with two guys who were Argentinian,

213
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:40,235
and they were laughing so hard that
we almost got kicked out of the theater.

214
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,584
You know? Um…

215
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,659
-I think Evita's not playing anymore.
-[Martin] Nah.

216
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,084
But it did play for a long time.

217
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:48,792
I'm sure that every time
I saw Stigwood after that, I said,

218
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,001
-"I still think I'm right."
-[Martin laughs]

219
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,456
You know? It was making
like a million dollars a minute.

220
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,804
[Martin]
Do you tend to look down at people?

221
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,643
[Fran] Do I tend to look down at people?
You mean, am I a snob?

222
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,097
There are certain kinds of snobberies
that I think are bad.

223
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:07,271
Of course, those are not
the kind of snobberies I have. Okay?

224
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,561
[chuckles] The kind of snobberies I have
have nothing to do with,

225
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,436
you know, "Who is your father?"

226
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,403
"Where'd you go to school?
Where'd you grow up?"

227
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:18,033
It has to do with,
"Do you agree with me about this?"

228
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,951
That's what it has to do with.
Or, "You think that? No."

229
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,452
Even though I know that people
very frequently are very…

230
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:28,406
Not irritated. It's too mild of a word.
…infuriated by me.

231
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,707
Um, it does somewhat surprise me,
because so what?

232
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,749
Like, who am I?
Am I making decisions for you?

233
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,924
I'm not in charge of anything.

234
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,926
I understand being angry at me when I say
things like, "People should do this,"

235
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,680
or, "This should happen,"
if people thought that I could change it.

236
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,524
But if I could change it,
I wouldn't be so angry.

237
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:53,395
The anger is, I have no power,
but I'm filled with opinions.

238
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:57,111
[upbeat funk music plays]

239
00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:00,243
[woman 1] The subways are crummy,
and they're dangerous.

240
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,990
You get pushed. You get shoved.

241
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:07,373
Sometimes, you get mugged
in the subway during the daylight.

242
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,502
[woman 2] I can remember

243
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:16,053
when public transportation
was one of the prides of New York.

244
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,458
What happened?

245
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:22,177
Is New York better or worse today
than when you first arrived?

246
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:26,143
Well, what you always hear about New York
in the '70s was how horrible it was.

247
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,222
-Right.
-New York was going bankrupt.

248
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,977
I had no idea this was happening.

249
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,309
-Right.
-Okay? Because--

250
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,773
You were having fun. Seeing rats,
shattered benches in the park, graffiti.

251
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:37,225
-That was New York.
-You were like, "I'm having a great time."

252
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,276
-Because--
-"I'm drunk. I'm getting on that bus."

253
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,780
"I don't care about graffiti.
It's taking me where I wanna go."

254
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,952
That's what New York looked like when
you got there. You thought that was NY.

255
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,162
There are people
who arrive here now and think,

256
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,253
"New York, lawn chairs in Times Square."

257
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,748
When they take them out,

258
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,750
then people now will say,
"What happened to the lawn chairs?"

259
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,293
"That was the real New York."

260
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,666
[horns honking]

261
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:03,505
[Martin] Do you think they will still have
the, uh, Times Square Café

262
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:04,842
in the middle of the street?

263
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,007
[Fran] I don't know if you're aware
of this, Marty, because I know you've--

264
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,057
[Martin] No. I don't go down below 57, no.

265
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:15,060
[Fran] All right, so up until, like,
five minutes ago, 24 hours a day,

266
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:19,525
they were repaving these, whatever
they call them, these cement things.

267
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,818
-[Martin] Islands.
-Yes, in the middle of Times Square.

268
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,823
And then right before
he was thrown out of office, finally,

269
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:31,696
I saw Bloomberg, uh, like, saying,
"And now these are permanent!"

270
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,251
And I thought, "Permanent? You hick."

271
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,422
-What's permanent in New York?
-[laughing]

272
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:40,211
-[laughs]
-Really? Permanent! They're not permanent.

273
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,966
However, that's the day I found out…
What did that cost? $40 million.

274
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,719
-[Martin] Oh!
-$40 million.

275
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:47,801
It wasn't Bloomberg's treat either,
by the way.

276
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,347
-Okay? $40 million, taxpayer money.
-[Martin laughs]

277
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:56,772
$40 million for that. Okay?
Because so many New Yorkers have said,

278
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,864
"You know what I hate? Not enough places
to lie down in Times Square."

279
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,360
-[Martin] Oh, sure. Hate that.
-[audience laughs]

280
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,653
-"It's unbearable!"
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

281
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,947
"We're leaving. We can't take it anymore."

282
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:10,241
[Martin] Yeah, yeah. [laughs loudly]

283
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:14,786
So the streets are completely packed

284
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,082
with these horrible, I don't know
what you'd call 'em, planters,

285
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,547
with fake plants, or they may be
real plants. I don't know what they are.

286
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:25,629
Real plants, fake plants, I have no idea.
What are plants doing in Times Square?

287
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:27,086
[audience laughs]

288
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,546
And not just Times Square.
I mean, The Bowery. It's the whole city.

289
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,928
They're all over the place.
Plants, lawn chairs. You know, trinkets.

290
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,437
Really, it looks like
my grandmother's apartment.

291
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,899
[Martin laughs]

292
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,435
I mean, you expect to see
little photographs of grandchildren and…

293
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,896
[audience laughs]

294
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,946
…little dishes of sour balls and…
[chuckles]

295
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,115
When New Yorkers hear
about these budget cuts,

296
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,161
they're gonna wanna know
if New York City is going down the drain.

297
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:58,825
-Is it safe to say that New York--
-New York City isn't going down the drain.

298
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,416
Is it safe to say that New York City
government will be less efficient,

299
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:07,683
the streets dirtier, citizens will have
less protection from fire and criminals?

300
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,638
I said New York City
is not going down the drain.

301
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:12,679
New York City is here to stay.

302
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:15,470
And it's still the greatest city
in the world

303
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,137
and giving, even after this,

304
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:23,437
more services than any city
in the world to its people.

305
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,899
[Fran] I would really like to be
like the Mayor of New York,

306
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,656
but one of the bad things
about mayoralty in New York,

307
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,488
which is a really hard job…

308
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,623
Mayor of New York
is the second hardest job in the country.

309
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,792
-It starts early in the morning.
-[Martin] Mm.

310
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,830
It should be split in two,
and I would be the night mayor.

311
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,285
[Martin laughs]

312
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,915
I am volunteering for this.
Someone else can be the day mayor.

313
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,503
I'll be the night mayor.

314
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:50,045
Uh, you know, I'll start around 4:00
and I'll go all night if you want.

315
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:54,144
I mean, the thing about New York is
that a lot of things happen late at night.

316
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,218
[man] What would you change
about New York at night

317
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,597
while, uh, the day mayor slept?

318
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,895
The first thing I would change
about New York, and not just me,

319
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,060
is the subway system.

320
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:07,775
Okay? This is the first thing
I would change about New York.

321
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:11,700
A few weeks ago, I turn on the radio,
which I listen to. WNS News.

322
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:15,660
And they said, "The L train…"
which is a train that goes from Brooklyn,

323
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:20,543
"The L train is closed today because
there is a foul odor on the L train."

324
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:24,292
This was all day long.
Every ten minutes, they kept saying,

325
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,086
"There's a horrible smell on the L train.
It's closed."

326
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:31,381
And I thought to myself, "The subway's
closed because it smells horrible?"

327
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,971
-What does that even mean? Okay?
-[Martin laughs]

328
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:39,144
Like, how much worse could it smell
than it usually smells?

329
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,814
Like, what could they…
They don't know what this is.

330
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:46,154
And I thought, "Who even noticed this?"
In other words, the train smells horrible.

331
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:50,688
Did someone say, "You know,
the train smells even worse than usual"?

332
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:53,158
I mean, they act like,
"Before this, you know,

333
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,948
the smell was wisteria,
there was an alpine village."

334
00:17:56,033 --> 00:18:00,293
I thought… And all day long,
"We can't find out what this smell is."

335
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:03,500
And then as the day went on…
Now the L train is closed for five hours.

336
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:06,542
…they said, "Well…"
They went down, whoever tests this,

337
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,547
and said,
"It doesn't smell as bad as it did."

338
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,009
I thought, "Of course not.
It's been empty for five hours."

339
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:15,140
Let me tell you what smells horrible
on the L train. The passengers!

340
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,429
-[Martin laughs]
-Okay?

341
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:20,392
Finally, they came down and said
it was some kind of leaking motor oil.

342
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:23,394
[Martin] There was a…
There was a comment on the news, too,

343
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:27,107
about the fact that they had tested it
and it wasn't harmful.

344
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,529
No. It was the good motor oil
they could smell.

345
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,858
It's like, after September 11th,
like one hour later,

346
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:36,695
when Christine Whitman,
who was at that time the head of the EPA,

347
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,282
went there, and she said, "It's fine."

348
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:40,698
-Yeah.
-"The air is fine."

349
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,326
I remember saying to people,
"How could that possibly be?"

350
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,963
"Of course that's a lie."

351
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,580
And that wasn't…
I mean, George Bush was president,

352
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,088
so we were accustomed
to a certain kind of lying,

353
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,090
but I said, "That's impossible."

354
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:57,802
You know, you could smell what everyone
called "the dust" for, like, 80 blocks.

355
00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,716
You know? And, uh…
But she said it was fine.

356
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,476
And now, of course,
thousands of people are…

357
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,229
-[Martin] People have cancer
-Have cancer,

358
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:08,060
because it wasn't dust, first of all,

359
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,397
um, and it was not fine.

360
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,947
[Martin] Isn't it nice
to see the city so calm and…

361
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:20,240
-[Fran] City's calm 'cause no one's in it.
-[Martin laughs]

362
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:23,325
[Fran] I mean, New York City this quiet?
Something happened.

363
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,456
I always remember,
on September 11th, how quiet the city was.

364
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:30,921
You know, I mean, after…
If you didn't live right there. You know?

365
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,045
The only other time
I heard New York City that quiet…

366
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,721
And I lived in Midtown.
It was never quiet.

367
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,800
…was when they were about to announce
the OJ Simpson verdict.

368
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,557
The entire city apparently
was watching television,

369
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:45,389
and the entire city went dead silent…

370
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,937
until they announced the verdict.

371
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,358
[man] What was the other thing?

372
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,070
[Martin] The other thing was
the rubber suit Godzilla

373
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,951
that we were gonna do. Okay. [laughs]

374
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,199
You know, Ishirō Honda!
We're gonna step all over the city.

375
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,912
Right, you stroll down the, uh…
Is that the Hudson?

376
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,083
That's the East River. Okay. Yeah.
So if anything strikes you…

377
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:10,713
I'm more worried that I will strike
something than anything will strike me.

378
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,415
[Martin] Is there a difference
between this model's representation

379
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,844
of New York as it is now?
Is there anything…

380
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,804
[Fran] When I was first here,
which was not that long ago,

381
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:23,925
I looked for my building where I live,
which, at the time this was built,

382
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,774
the building I live in
was three warehouses

383
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,020
made into an apartment building,
and I managed to locate them.

384
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,477
You know, and you feel
what you always feel.

385
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,284
-I should've bought a ten. You know?
-[Martin laughs]

386
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,238
I was trying to convince a friend's
daughter to move back to New York from LA.

387
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,332
She said, "I want to move
back to New York, but I can't afford it."

388
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,828
So I said, "Move back to New York.
Let me tell you something."

389
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,331
-"No one can afford to live in New York."
-[Martin] Right.

390
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,383
No one can afford to live in New York.
Yet, eight million people do.

391
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,339
[Martin, audience laugh]

392
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,709
How do we do this? We don't know!

393
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,297
[Martin laughs] We don't know.

394
00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,722
It's a mystery to us.

395
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,800
[audience laughing]

396
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,223
We don't have a clue.

397
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,847
And that's just it too.
We don't know, but we're still here.

398
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:13,360
So you can come here without knowing
how you're gonna live here,

399
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,778
and somehow you will do
enough things to live here.

400
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,739
It's as simple as that.

401
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,449
-[audience applauding]
-Okay.

402
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,028
When you leave New York

403
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,905
or even if you stay for a little while
somewhere else,

404
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,333
you just can't get over
the ease of daily life.

405
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:33,209
Like, you know, first,
you move to an apartment, you think,

406
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,842
"Ugh! Where's the dry cleaner?
Am I gonna ever find a dry cleaner?"

407
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,920
Sometimes you never find one.
Sometimes there isn't one!

408
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,427
Or sometimes you go and…

409
00:21:41,508 --> 00:21:45,098
I know it's gonna be three months
before I have such a fight,

410
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,428
-I won't be able to go in here ever again.
-[Martin laughs]

411
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,814
Then you think,
there are people who live in places

412
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:53,811
where they just take the dry cleaning,
they go to the dry cleaner.

413
00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:56,015
It's like a little errand.

414
00:21:56,773 --> 00:22:00,743
But everything in New York
is like the Ring Cycle.

415
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,739
You know, everything in New York
is an operatic thing.

416
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,412
It's… It's incredible problems.

417
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:09,830
So you realize
that it's just so hard to live in New York

418
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:13,041
that when people say,
"Why do you live in New York?"

419
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,753
you really can't answer them,

420
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:19,303
except you know that you have contempt
for people who don't have guts to do it.

421
00:22:19,796 --> 00:22:22,796
"You live in a place
where things are just easily done,

422
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,053
where people are nice to you,

423
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:27,545
where no one's trying to cheat you
every five seconds."

424
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:29,427
"You call that grown-up life?"

425
00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:30,774
[Martin laughs]

426
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:34,809
The surprising thing to me is how many
people who are in their twenties now

427
00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:36,982
come up to me in the street and say,

428
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,734
"Fran, I wish that I'd lived
in New York in the '70s."

429
00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:41,526
"It seems like it was so much fun."

430
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,450
Now, there's one thing I know for a fact,

431
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:46,908
that when I was in my twenties,
I wasn't going up to people my age,

432
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:48,950
saying, "I wish I'd lived
in New York in the '30s."

433
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,124
I never thought that.

434
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,412
-[Martin laughs]
-So, you know… So, like,

435
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:54,866
since they know that I was here then,

436
00:22:54,956 --> 00:22:57,206
um, I'm like an eyewitness to this.

437
00:22:57,292 --> 00:23:00,342
It's like, I guess,
if you were a Civil War buff, you know,

438
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:04,420
and you saw Abraham Lincoln, you would
think, "Oh! He was there. Let me ask him."

439
00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:05,588
[woman speaks indistinctly]

440
00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:08,675
[man 1] If you don't have reservations,
please wait outside.

441
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:13,932
[man 2] We're gonna do a song now
about a boy in New York City.

442
00:23:14,017 --> 00:23:16,897
["Jet Boy" by New York Dolls plays]

443
00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:20,728
[Fran] Most of the people I knew
who were financially more like me,

444
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,606
heat was a very big issue.

445
00:23:22,692 --> 00:23:23,822
We discussed it a lot.

446
00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:26,862
And I would go to Max's,
and I would pick people up,

447
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:29,867
-but, before, asking, "Do you have heat?"
-[Martin laughs]

448
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,870
And that would be something
I found incredibly alluring.

449
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:35,713
All of a sudden, the person
turned into a young Brigitte Bardot.

450
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,249
"You have heat? Let's go."

451
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,093
♪ Who's so fly up in the sky ♪

452
00:23:41,169 --> 00:23:44,049
♪ Faster than any boy
Could ever describe? ♪

453
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:46,471
♪ Who has got a love so deep ♪

454
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,640
♪ With everything alive? ♪

455
00:23:48,718 --> 00:23:50,798
♪ I said Jet Boy's fly ♪

456
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:51,927
♪ Jet Boy's gone ♪

457
00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:55,024
♪ Jet Boy stole my baby ♪

458
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:57,890
♪ Flyin' around New York City so high ♪

459
00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:01,688
♪ Like he was my baby ♪

460
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:04,033
[Fran]
The New York Dolls, they were great,

461
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,489
and so few people saw them.

462
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:08,069
They used to perform
at the Mercer Arts Center, which one day…

463
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,195
[building crashes]

464
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,452
…just fell down.
That's how New York used to be.

465
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:15,624
The Mercer Arts Center,
we went all the time to see the Dolls,

466
00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:17,664
and other people,
but especially the Dolls.

467
00:24:17,747 --> 00:24:21,077
Um, and then, one day, it just fell down.

468
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,838
-[Martin] Mm-hmm.
-[Fran] The building just fell down.

469
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,510
That was the level of neglect.

470
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:28,339
When people said, "Did you hear
the Mercer Arts Center fell down?"

471
00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:31,175
No one said, "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, it fell down."

472
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:34,641
[Martin] That was the third… There were
three buildings that fell down that year.

473
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,563
They fell down
because no one took care of them.

474
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:38,391
-[Martin] Nobody did.
-I mean, so…

475
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:41,147
It was just the way it was.
I never thought about it.

476
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:43,059
There were numerous things
I was thinking about,

477
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,768
but New York getting better was not one.

478
00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:47,028
New York was great.
That's why I came here!

479
00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:49,860
But, you know, I didn't come here
'cause it was clean.

480
00:24:50,697 --> 00:24:52,027
I came from a clean place.

481
00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:55,365
I didn't think, "Ah, I want
to go to New York. It's so spotless."

482
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,502
I didn't come here 'cause it was safe.
I came from a safe place.

483
00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:00,250
I didn't come 'cause it was dangerous.

484
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:04,042
I wasn't happy to be, you know, in danger,
but I quickly acclimated.

485
00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:06,587
I have all the habits
that I had in the '70s.

486
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,471
For instance, I sit on the subway,

487
00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:11,218
I see people put their bag next to them
and they leave it there.

488
00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:13,801
I think, "Are you out of your mind?"
It makes me want to steal it.

489
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:14,847
[Martin laughs] Yeah.

490
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:21,230
You know, no matter what I'm holding…
Really, it could be a pencil.

491
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:24,401
I have a death grip on it.
"You're not getting this pencil from me."

492
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:25,481
[audience laughs]

493
00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:28,645
Like, I would never leave
anything next to me. Never!

494
00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:33,113
And not because I think
people might think it was a bomb,

495
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,448
but because someone's gonna take it!
Of course they will.

496
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,454
-[Martin] I've seen it.
-That's what happens.

497
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:40,746
I mean, in 1971 or something like that,

498
00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:44,790
someone broke the windshield of my car,

499
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,046
which I still had my car from high school,

500
00:25:47,128 --> 00:25:50,508
um, and took, from the dashboard,

501
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:53,930
an apple and a pack of cigarettes
that was on the dashboard.

502
00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:56,850
Um, a pack of cigarettes
then cost 50 cents.

503
00:25:57,347 --> 00:26:00,097
Uh… An apple, one apple, ten cents.

504
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,940
I call the police.

505
00:26:03,478 --> 00:26:05,858
I call them over,
they were still on the street then,

506
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:06,819
I said, "Look."

507
00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:11,488
"Someone smashed my windshield
and took from my dashboard."

508
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,450
The cop goes, "What did they steal?"

509
00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:16,030
So I said,
"I had an apple, a pack of cigarettes."

510
00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:18,156
And he goes, "Well, what do you expect?"

511
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:21,043
[audience laughing]

512
00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:22,371
[Fran laughs]

513
00:26:22,455 --> 00:26:24,575
"I mean,
if you leave these valuable things

514
00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:28,246
in full view of people, they're gonna
break the windshield of your car!"

515
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:29,706
"Who wouldn't do that?"

516
00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:31,593
"What are you, a moron?"

517
00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:34,343
[Martin, audience laughing]

518
00:26:37,053 --> 00:26:39,683
So, since he had a point,
I didn't argue with him.

519
00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:42,975
I realized,
"Yeah, well, what do you expect?"

520
00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:46,435
Apparently, there was
that headline that said, you know,

521
00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:50,114
"President to New York: Go to hell,"
or whatever it was.

522
00:26:50,191 --> 00:26:52,861
-"Ford to New York: Drop dead."
-"Ford to New York: Drop dead."

523
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:54,204
Meanwhile, who's dead?

524
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,279
Yeah. [laughs]

525
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:59,784
["New York's My Home"
by Ray Charles playing]

526
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,763
♪ Listen all you New Yorkers
There's a rumor going around ♪

527
00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:14,508
♪ That some of you good people
Want to leave this town

528
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:17,551
♪ But you better consult with me
Before you go ♪

529
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:18,676
[woman] Why?

530
00:27:18,762 --> 00:27:23,272
♪ 'Cause I've been all these places
And I know ♪

531
00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:24,810
[woman] What about Hollywood?

532
00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:26,813
♪ Hollywood's got movie stars ♪

533
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:30,475
♪ And movie czars and cocktail bars
And shiny cars ♪

534
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:34,435
♪ And a wonderful climate they say ♪

535
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:39,492
♪ But it hasn't got
The handy subway train ♪

536
00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:42,584
♪ You seldom find a taxi when it rains ♪

537
00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:45,461
♪ That's why New York's my home ♪

538
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:49,538
♪ Keep your California
New York's my home sweet home ♪

539
00:27:50,543 --> 00:27:53,963
I also feel that, even though New York
is not what it used to be,

540
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:57,007
I really can't imagine
they'd let me live anywhere else.

541
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:58,222
[laughs]

542
00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:02,011
I just think they would get together,
there'd be some sort of city council,

543
00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:05,477
and they would say, "We've come
to tell you, you have to leave."

544
00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:06,688
"You can't stay here."

545
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:10,688
-That's what they kind of do with me.
-"Sorry. Time for you to leave."

546
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:14,572
♪ So save your time and trouble ♪

547
00:28:17,195 --> 00:28:20,115
♪ I said save your railroad fare ♪

548
00:28:24,994 --> 00:28:28,424
♪ I said you better
Save your time and trouble, brother ♪

549
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:34,883
♪ Yeah, save your railroad fare ♪

550
00:28:40,009 --> 00:28:42,139
♪ 'Cause when you leave New York ♪

551
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:48,274
♪ Yeah, let me say
You ain't going nowhere ♪

552
00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:55,687
[music ends]