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♪ (LOW RHYTHMIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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When we were seven
and eight years old,

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my parents sent me
and my brother, Evan,

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off to summer camp.

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And I was looking
forward to this.

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I was really
looking forward to it.

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Play baseball, and basketball,

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and all kinds of sports
all day long.

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I was really
looking forward to this.

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Except it wasn't that.

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They would wake us up
at five o'clock in the morning

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and we'd have breakfast
in this big, big room.

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And after breakfast,
we were ushered off

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to arts and crafts.

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And arts and crafts
were run by this guy, Al.

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When you're eight years old,
it's hard to tell

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how old an older person is,
but he seemed really kinda old,

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like 60 or so.

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And he had this enormous head.

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And he wore
a white sleeveless t-shirt,

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and he had these long,
long hairs

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that grew out of his shoulders.

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And he had big, fat,
meaty hands,

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and he would have us
make these...

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what were supposed to be
tornado lanyards

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made out of gimp.

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I don't know
if they still make gimp.

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It's like this plastic string.

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And he would come around
and sing these camp songs.

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And we were supposed
to sing along with him.

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Clapping his meaty hands
and his bad breath

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permeating the room,
and I just thought,

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"This is no good.
I want to go play basketball."

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Then after arts and crafts,
we were supposed to go swimming.

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I thought,
"Good, I like swimming.

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This is gonna be fun."

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Except the lake that we swam in
was fed by a mountain stream

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and the water was freezing cold.

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It was unbearable.

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And they let you out
of the water if you turned blue.

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And a couple of kids
were lucky enough to turn blue.

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But I never turned blue.

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Then we would go and have lunch,
then we would have naptime.

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One hour naptime.

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And after naptime, they sent us
back to arts and crafts.

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And this is when I planned
my escape.

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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

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JOHN LURIE: Other kids heard
about my escape

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and they wanted to join me.

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So I said, "Okay,
bring your duffel bag,

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bring your sandwich,
and any camping gear

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that you brought here,
bring it with you.

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What we're going to do is,

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at the beginning of naptime,
we're going to sneak out.

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Then we'll have an hour
head start."

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Thirteen of us left the camp.

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Wally, Billy, Tommy.

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There were two Ralphs,
so we called one Small Ralph,

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and the other one,
we just called him Ralph.

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So it was Wally, Billy, Tommy,
Ralph, Small Ralph,

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Chester, Gerald, Carl, Wilbur,
Freddy, Joey, Dennis,

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and Smeltzer.

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Smeltzer never talked,

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but we thought
his name was Smeltzer.

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We thought we heard a counsellor
call him Smeltzer.

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Smeltzer, Smeltzer.

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We got about five miles away.

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Then somebody said,
"They're coming!"

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So we all ducked down
in a ditch,

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and they drove by,
and they didn't see us.

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♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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I promise you, the stories
I tell on here

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and in my book,
The History of Bones,

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they're all true.

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I mean, they're as true
as I can make them.

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Except for the stories,
of course,

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that are obviously not true,

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like I never had
quarters coming out of my nose.

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But other than that,
I tried to be really honest.

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So the first part of this
is absolutely what happened.

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But it was 60 years ago.

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And I more remember
telling the story

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than the thing
actually happening,

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if you know what I mean.

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So some of this
may have drifted.

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So I'm not sure,
but this is how I remember it.

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So from that point on,
we decided to stay off the road.

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We moved further into the woods.

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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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Wally had a compass,
a toy compass,

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and I don't think
it was really working,

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but we were supposed
to be going east.

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We had started out
in Massachusetts.

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But clearly, now,
we were going south.

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There was moss in the trees,
and there were more mosquitoes,

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and there were these flowers,
these beautiful flowers.

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Flowers I had never seen before.
They were incredibly beautiful.

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And they were everywhere.
Flowers.

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And there were fields
of beautiful, lush, green grass.

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And it felt good to be
walking out here like this.

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We felt free. We felt important.

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Of course, almost immediately,

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everybody had eaten
their sandwiches.

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And by the end of the day,
they all started to get hungry.

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But around,
just as the sun was going down,

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we came to this place.

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A place that I'd only
read about in books,

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where it was like
a village with huts,

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and they had these totem poles
with these tiger heads

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painted on the top of them.

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I'll try and paint them for you.

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It was so beautiful there,
but there was nobody.

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There obviously had been people,
but there was nobody there then.

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So we kept going.

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Now, we're really hungry.
And we saw these mushrooms,

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I said, "You can eat mushrooms.

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I know you can eat mushrooms."

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So we started picking
all the mushrooms.

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But Billy came by and said,

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"No, those are
poisonous mushrooms."

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But near
where the mushrooms were,

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there was a farm,

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and we could see these sprigs
coming up,

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and Billy said, "Those are
potatoes underneath there,

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and if we dig,
there will be potatoes."

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♪ Potato ♪

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We had a little, little pot,
like a little dented pot.

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So we boiled the potatoes
and that's what we ate.

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♪ Potato, potato ♪

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And we moved on.

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We came into this
really beautiful area.

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It was fields, with these trees.

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And Wally said,
"I think that tree is talking.

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Is that tree talking?"

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So we went up close to the tree
to see if it was talking.

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And there was words
coming out of the tree.

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So we thought, maybe the tree
could guide us on our journey.

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So I got close to the tree.
And I said, "Can you help us?"

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And he was going through
stock prices on the NASDAQ.

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He was just reciting
stock prices.

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And I would ask him a question,

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he would just say
more stock prices.

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Fucking tree. Why?

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And we moved on.

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And we came to this
very jungle-like area.

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And we could see up ahead of us,
there were alligators.

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A lot of alligators.
And I didn't know what to do.

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And they were all saying,
"John, what should we do?"

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And I thought about it,

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and I remembered
something Gurdjieff had told me.

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And I said,
"Okay, let's back up.

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And we'll cut down little trees
and then take the branches

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and tie them
with our shoelaces."

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And we made stilts.

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And we made stilts.

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And then we walked
through the alligators.

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We were like three feet,

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the alligators would look up
and go... (GROWLS)

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But they didn't bite anybody.
They didn't attack the pole.

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And so we walked
through the alligators.

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And now we were tired.

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And once we saw
that we were safe,

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we decided to make camp.
And we cooked...

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♪ Potato, potato ♪

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And as I was sleeping
on the ground,

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-I heard this gigantic clomp.
-(LOUD STOMP)

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JOHN: And I looked up and I saw
that Tommy was missing.

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00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:05,267
And that there was
a gigantic alligator

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at the edge of our camp.

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And I realized
what had happened.

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I said, "Everybody get up,
everybody get up,

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everybody get up,
everybody get up now!

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Get up now!

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Turn the alligator over,
turn it on its back,

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and rub its stomach.

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Turn it on its back
and rub its stomach."

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Which we did,

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and then the alligator
fell off to sleep.

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When we were sure
he was asleep,

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we pried his jaws open

184
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and Wally climbed inside
and pulled Tommy out.

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Tommy was covered
in alligator gunk,

186
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but he was okay.

187
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He was okay.
He was really okay.

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So we cleaned him off
and we moved on.

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♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

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JOHN: Then we got to this area
with giant frogs.

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00:12:02,887 --> 00:12:06,465
There were giant frogs.
There were giant, giant frogs.

192
00:12:07,831 --> 00:12:11,366
Ooh, somebody said,
"We can eat the legs.

193
00:12:11,435 --> 00:12:13,272
In France, they eat the legs."

194
00:12:13,905 --> 00:12:15,070
And Billy said,

195
00:12:15,139 --> 00:12:18,210
"No, not on those frogs.
They're poisonous."

196
00:12:18,843 --> 00:12:20,809
So for lunch we had...

197
00:12:20,878 --> 00:12:26,952
♪ Potato! Potato! Potato! ♪

198
00:12:28,352 --> 00:12:30,886
So we continued on.

199
00:12:30,955 --> 00:12:32,888
That night we came
to a small town

200
00:12:32,957 --> 00:12:34,756
where everybody was asleep.

201
00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:36,992
And there was a hardware store.

202
00:12:37,061 --> 00:12:39,695
And in the hardware store,
in the window,

203
00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:41,997
there was a TV playing.

204
00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:43,999
And we saw
that we were on the news.

205
00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:47,006
We were on the news. And...

206
00:12:47,839 --> 00:12:49,909
So we were listening
very closely.

207
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,909
And we found out
everybody was angry at us.

208
00:12:53,978 --> 00:12:57,045
They said,
"How selfish and irresponsible

209
00:12:57,114 --> 00:12:59,481
of these children
to run away like this

210
00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:02,551
and make their parents
and the camp counsellors worry,

211
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:04,223
unnecessarily."

212
00:13:05,757 --> 00:13:07,787
"Unnecessarily."

213
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:12,860
So now with this, now we go,
"Oh, we can't get caught.

214
00:13:12,929 --> 00:13:14,762
Now, we can't get caught.
Everybody's mad at us.

215
00:13:14,831 --> 00:13:17,036
We have to hide,
we have to keep hiding."

216
00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:29,048
And we continued on.

217
00:13:29,747 --> 00:13:31,914
So now, we sort of started

218
00:13:31,983 --> 00:13:33,982
to fight amongst ourselves
a little bit.

219
00:13:34,051 --> 00:13:35,783
They were questioning
my leadership

220
00:13:35,852 --> 00:13:37,687
and there was like,
"Well, where do we go?

221
00:13:37,756 --> 00:13:39,087
We can't go home.

222
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:40,916
And we can't let
anybody find us.

223
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,625
Are we gonna live like this
for the rest of our lives?"

224
00:13:43,694 --> 00:13:46,328
And I said, "No."
But I didn't know,

225
00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:48,097
I didn't know,
I didn't know what to do.

226
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,235
I did not know what to do.

227
00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:58,274
And then we found
another field that had...

228
00:13:58,343 --> 00:14:00,242
Potato!

229
00:14:00,311 --> 00:14:03,879
JOHN: I never realized
how delicious potatoes were.

230
00:14:03,948 --> 00:14:06,048
But they are, they're delicious.

231
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:09,150
So Wally said,
"We can't just eat potatoes,

232
00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:12,054
we need vitamin C,
we need all the vitamins,

233
00:14:12,123 --> 00:14:14,293
not just potato vitamins."

234
00:14:17,629 --> 00:14:19,531
So we broke into a supermarket.

235
00:14:21,699 --> 00:14:23,368
And we collected lemons.

236
00:14:25,936 --> 00:14:29,071
Because I think we were all
starting to get scurvy

237
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,405
'cause we were all walking

238
00:14:30,474 --> 00:14:33,012
like we've been
on a horse all day long.

239
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:39,381
So now, we were getting
good at this.

240
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:43,018
We eat potatoes
and break into supermarkets.

241
00:14:43,087 --> 00:14:45,521
And we would stay away
from people,

242
00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:48,260
and we would just march on.

243
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:53,999
We'll walk till we hit the ocean
or something.

244
00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:58,066
We came into another town,

245
00:14:58,135 --> 00:15:00,272
and it seemed like everybody
was asleep.

246
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:03,671
And now we were worried
we're gonna get caught

247
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:06,541
'cause, like, there was a string
of grocery stores

248
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that have been robbed
and they would mark our path

249
00:15:09,113 --> 00:15:11,046
on the map, so they would know
which way we were going.

250
00:15:11,115 --> 00:15:12,882
So we were worried,
we were very, very worried

251
00:15:12,951 --> 00:15:14,286
we were gonna get caught.

252
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We came into this town.
And again,

253
00:15:19,323 --> 00:15:21,556
there was a TV playing
in a store window.

254
00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:25,393
This was a store that sold TVs
and there was a bunch of TVs,

255
00:15:25,462 --> 00:15:27,566
and there was pictures
of all of us.

256
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:33,305
So we listened very carefully.
And what we learned was,

257
00:15:34,138 --> 00:15:36,772
when they were interviewing Al,

258
00:15:36,841 --> 00:15:38,373
you could see Al
for what he was.

259
00:15:38,442 --> 00:15:40,876
You could see the hairs
coming out of his shoulders,

260
00:15:40,945 --> 00:15:42,978
the long hairs
coming out of his shoulders

261
00:15:43,047 --> 00:15:45,617
and his big, big,
and massive head.

262
00:15:45,984 --> 00:15:47,419
Ew, Al.

263
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:53,292
But more than anything,
what helped us...

264
00:15:55,059 --> 00:15:57,696
was that,
when the reporter came back...

265
00:16:00,197 --> 00:16:02,667
talking to the anchorwoman,
she said...

266
00:16:04,468 --> 00:16:06,671
"That man looks like
he smells bad."

267
00:16:08,707 --> 00:16:12,640
And he said, "Yes.

268
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:17,512
He smells really bad.
And his breath. Ugh.

269
00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:20,015
If I was eight years old,
I would have run away too.

270
00:16:20,084 --> 00:16:21,884
If I was eight years old,
I would've run away too,

271
00:16:21,953 --> 00:16:22,918
if I was brave enough.

272
00:16:22,987 --> 00:16:26,188
Those kids were brave.
Those kids were amazing."

273
00:16:26,257 --> 00:16:27,956
And then people
became on our side,

274
00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:30,826
and we became national heroes.

275
00:16:30,895 --> 00:16:33,128
It was a fucking
beautiful thing.

276
00:16:33,197 --> 00:16:35,998
It was a really beautiful thing.
It was wonderful.

277
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:39,001
It was absolutely fucking--
Oh, it was good.

278
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:41,373
So we decided to celebrate.

279
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,073
-ALL: ♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

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00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:47,442
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

281
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:49,778
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

282
00:16:49,847 --> 00:16:52,013
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

283
00:16:52,082 --> 00:16:54,249
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

284
00:16:54,318 --> 00:16:56,351
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

285
00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:58,920
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

286
00:16:58,989 --> 00:17:00,956
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

287
00:17:01,025 --> 00:17:03,324
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

288
00:17:03,393 --> 00:17:05,493
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

289
00:17:05,562 --> 00:17:07,963
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

290
00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:10,265
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

291
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:12,400
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

292
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:14,836
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

293
00:17:14,905 --> 00:17:17,172
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

294
00:17:17,241 --> 00:17:19,609
-♪ Potato ♪
-♪ Potato ♪

295
00:17:19,678 --> 00:17:21,113
♪ Potato ♪

296
00:17:21,846 --> 00:17:25,617
ALL: ♪ Potato, potato ♪

297
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:27,786
♪ Potato ♪

298
00:17:28,753 --> 00:17:32,424
♪ Potato, potato ♪

299
00:17:33,190 --> 00:17:36,661
♪ Potato, potato ♪

300
00:17:37,862 --> 00:17:39,995
♪ Potato ♪

301
00:17:40,064 --> 00:17:41,600
♪ Potato ♪

302
00:17:42,534 --> 00:17:44,600
♪ Potato ♪

303
00:17:44,669 --> 00:17:46,405
♪ Potato ♪

304
00:17:46,838 --> 00:17:49,104
♪ Potato ♪

305
00:17:49,173 --> 00:17:55,214
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

306
00:17:56,146 --> 00:18:02,221
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

307
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:09,089
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

308
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:15,700
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

309
00:18:16,466 --> 00:18:22,741
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

310
00:18:23,473 --> 00:18:29,614
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

311
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:37,152
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

312
00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:43,362
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

313
00:18:44,161 --> 00:18:50,833
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

314
00:18:50,902 --> 00:18:57,176
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

315
00:18:57,942 --> 00:19:03,782
♪ Potato, potato, potato ♪

316
00:19:04,849 --> 00:19:08,316
♪ Potato, potato ♪

317
00:19:08,385 --> 00:19:10,619
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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00:19:10,688 --> 00:19:14,793
♪ ("THE FIRST AND ROYAL QUEEN"
BY THE LOUNGE LIZARDS PLAYS) ♪

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00:21:22,853 --> 00:21:25,357
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

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00:21:28,793 --> 00:21:30,529
Potato!