1 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,960 WHISTLING TUNE 2 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,520 WHISTLING TRAILS OFF 3 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,560 Ma, I'll be in the car. 4 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,199 I'd rather live next door to a rotting mountain of fish! 5 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,759 Yeah. 6 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,760 Eh? Yeah, yeah. 7 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,239 That getting you arrested took planning. 8 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,399 They're cleverer than I thought, those Jerebohms. 9 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,719 Well, I'm not gonna give it another thought, Ma, and neither should you. 10 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,039 Well, what if you ARE charged with burglary? 11 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,599 That's obviously what they want. 12 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,879 One thing I've learnt, Ma, is... 13 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,639 a lot of things may happen, and a lot of things may not. 14 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,279 Oh. Thank you, oh, wise one (!) Hm. 15 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,760 Oh, there she is. 16 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:19,999 Oh! 17 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,880 Um... 18 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,960 ITEMS CLATTER And she's the bright Larkin. 19 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,399 She's nervous, bless her. 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,839 Oh! Gosh. 21 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,680 It's like watching chickens. 22 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,639 Oh... 23 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,800 MA LAUGHS 24 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,239 I don't mind driving you all the way to work, love. 25 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,839 Thanks, but the journey will give me time to gather my thoughts 26 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,319 on this auspicious day. "Auspicious"! 27 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,119 How did you and me make this one, eh, Pop? Yeah. 28 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,839 You go get 'em, my girl. We're so proud of you. 29 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,599 Thanks, Pop. I'll do my best. 30 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,639 I'll wait with you till it comes. 31 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,399 Ma, I'm not a child any more. 32 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,519 I know, but I'm your mother, and that's not gonna change, 33 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,799 no matter how grown up and sophisticated you get! 34 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,079 See you in the village! 35 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,759 HE HONKS HORN Ooh! 36 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,159 Here's your flighty Reverend Handsome. 37 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,439 Ma! Please. 38 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,319 Morning, Reverend! 39 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,280 Oh. Good morning. 40 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,079 Er, where are you two going? 41 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,559 Sorry, is that rude? No! Work, first day. 42 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,519 Ma's just checking I don't get on the wrong bus and end up in Calais. 43 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,279 Yes, I read your article. It was brilliant. 44 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,719 Perhaps you could write something for the parish magazine. 45 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,240 SHE LAUGHS God, no. No-one reads that! 46 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,039 I'm sorry. No, they should. I mean, they should. 47 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,199 I'm sure it's marvellous, 48 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,360 now that you're involved. Don't know about that. 49 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,759 Well, I'd... best be getting on. 50 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,480 Bye. 51 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,319 Ugh... 52 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,239 Why did I say that? Was I rude? 53 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,320 You were lovely. You both were. 54 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,560 Completely hopeless, but lovely! 55 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,360 Thank you. 56 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,959 CHUCKLING: I don't remember us being so tongue-tied! 57 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,879 No, we knew what tongues were used for. 58 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,360 HE LAUGHS 59 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,680 Walk on. Don't let them intimidate you. 60 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,119 I am known for my forgiving nature. 61 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,639 But you two have got a nerve, 62 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,879 swanning about after what you've done. 63 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,959 I think you'll find it was your husband that got arrested. 64 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,719 I was trying to help you! 65 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,159 We'll let the courts decide that, shall we? 66 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,559 It'll never GET to court! Ma... 67 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,279 You great pink harlot! 68 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,719 Hit her. 69 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,679 I don't think that would be very wise. 70 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,399 Come on, Ma. 71 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,840 Ignore 'em. 72 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,039 Let's go and get a little something to steady our nerves, eh? 73 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,920 Yeah, you're right. Oh... 74 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,159 I'll join you. 75 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,520 I'm just on Cupid duty. Ah. 76 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,999 SHE CLEARS THROAT 77 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,839 Sorry to bother you, Reverend. 78 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,319 Oh, Mrs Larkin. How can I help? 79 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,359 I just brought some flowers for Miss Pilchester. 80 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,399 I heard she's doing the plinths this afternoon. 81 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,999 Plinths? 82 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,399 Yes, plinths. It's the Everest of church floral arranging. 83 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,639 I thought she might be in need of some tall ones. 84 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,959 That's very kind. 85 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,239 Are you not tempted to join the flower ladies yourself? 86 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,599 Ooh, no, no, they're a vicious lot. 87 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,839 One drooping carnation on the vicar's big pedestal, 88 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:23,959 it's social death. 89 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,999 Are you not a regular churchgoer? 90 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,719 No, not really. 91 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,199 I do my praying amongst the bluebells, truth be told. 92 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,679 Well, I'm always here for you. 93 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,759 Perfect! Supper at Larkin Farm, tonight at seven. 94 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,719 See you there! I'm not sure I'm available... 95 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,519 Oh, you wouldn't want me to think that your 96 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,039 "I'm always there for you" is just some old flannel, would you? 97 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,679 No. Lamb? 98 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,759 Goose? Chicken in a basket? Sausages in a basket? 99 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,599 Stop me if you like the sound of any of these. 100 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,520 Chicken? Smashing. 101 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,680 And bring your appetite! 102 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,359 Kitchen's through there. 103 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,879 You'll be responsible for sorting the mail there. 104 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,079 Ubiquitous filing. 105 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,759 And ashtrays are emptied in there, not in the wastepaper baskets. 106 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,079 We've had fires. End of tour. 107 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,239 Thank you. And where would you like me to sit? 108 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,680 Anywhere you like. 109 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,559 Not there. 110 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,399 Sorry. 111 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,879 And what would you like me to do first? 112 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,959 Pop the kettle on? 113 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,160 Absolutely. Right away. 114 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,600 VEHICLE APPROACHING 115 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,879 Oi, oi! 116 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,519 Fruity! 117 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,559 Fruity Pears! 118 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,479 All right, Pop? Must be ten year. 119 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,959 You've aged. I have - ten year. 120 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,119 HE CHUCKLES How's the fair lark treating you? 121 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,959 Business isn't what it was. 122 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,319 Is it better? I'm thinking of turning it in. 123 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,079 No! Some days, I can't even cover me coconuts. 124 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,439 I blame the telly. 125 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,079 Well, pull up over there, on the green. 126 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,439 I'll help you drum up some business. You're on a hiding to nothing, mate. 127 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,280 Trust me. 128 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,279 HE LAUGHS 129 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,520 Park up. 130 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,959 Look! 131 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,879 Drive into the puddle and drench them, Daddy. 132 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,519 I'd rather not make things any worse. 133 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,480 Drive into the puddle and drench them, Daddy! 134 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,679 THEY EXCLAIM 135 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:40,999 Hate you! 136 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,439 You've got a flat tyre! 137 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,200 BRAKES SQUEAL 138 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,160 THEY EXCLAIM 139 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:03,640 Give me those keys, tiny girl, or I will... Zinnia! 140 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,679 If you do that, I will personally feed you to the cow next. 141 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,199 Too late. 142 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,559 SHE LAUGHS 143 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,839 How long does it take until... I don't know! 144 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,240 Bye! ALL LAUGHING 145 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,040 TYPEWRITERS CLICKING 146 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,199 Can I do anything to help? Too busy to think of anything. 147 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,319 Lance? 148 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:41,039 Still no. Just quicker if I do it myself. 149 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,519 OK, well, just shout if you need me. Will do. But, Primrose, 150 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,999 maybe ask every 15 minutes instead of every five. 151 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,680 Got it. 152 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,120 MUTTERS: Every... 15... 153 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,439 Oof! Morning, sir! 154 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:01,040 Harvey. Harvey, let me help you with those. 155 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,519 I'm glad I caught you, actually, because I wanted to have a word. 156 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,119 Are those words "Would you like a cup of tea, Harvey?" 157 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,799 No. Should they be? Yes, they should. 158 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,399 Two sugars. Thanks awfully. 159 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,440 My-My pleasure. 160 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,159 D'you think we should tell the kids about the other night? 161 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,919 Just say I had cramp, like we always do. 162 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,479 THEY CHUCKLE I meant about the Jerebohms! 163 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,799 Nah. It'll all have blown over by teatime, Ma, trust me. 164 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,439 DOOR OPENS Ma! 165 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,479 It wasn't our fault. They came out of nowhere. 166 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,239 We saved as many strawberries as we could. 167 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,879 I thought they were coming for us! Hang on, hang on. One at a time. 168 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,679 What's happened? Who's come for you? 169 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,839 The Jerebohms. They tried to run us off the road. 170 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,919 They've got it in for us. This is a campaign. 171 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,879 Did you get 'em back? Yeah. A bit. 172 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,479 There you go, then. You normally wanna pitch in too. 173 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,439 The Jerebohms are spoiling for a fight, 174 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,239 and from now on, we're not gonna give 'em one. 175 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,680 Understand? Not really. Well, that is what's happening. 176 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:08,920 Come on, my little lemon pips, let's get you out of these wet togs. 177 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,200 THEY MOUTH 178 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,079 Primrose, what are you doing? A tea station. 179 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,959 I got the urn out of the back room. 180 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,079 There is a selection of teas and coffees 181 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,359 and the best home-made biscuits in Kent. 182 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,519 So just help yourselves. 183 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,159 Oh, I see. 184 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,279 Which means I'm now free to do some actual work. 185 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,759 So, will you give me a proper story, 186 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,279 or shall I just go and get one myself? 187 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,599 Oh, God, she's clever. 188 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:57,480 Mmm. She's not wrong about these biscuits, either. 189 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,119 Oh! 190 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,999 SHE INHALES DEEPLY 191 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,200 Oh! Mmm. 192 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,000 SHE GASPS 193 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,600 I love you, children! 194 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,240 Only joking. 195 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,520 Eat some carrots. I'm not really hungry. 196 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,279 Right, you lot, eat up sharpish. 197 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,599 I've got a cracking evening planned for us. 198 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,080 Take a look at this! 199 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,639 Ah! 200 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,599 Oh, we spent some happy days at Fruity's in our youth, eh, Pop? 201 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,879 Not 'alf. "Arms inside the cars!" 202 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,879 AS FRUITY: "No snoggin' on the 'elter-skelter!" 203 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,239 "Be sick outside the cars!" 204 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,679 Guess what? He's here this weekend! So, who's coming? 205 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,279 Sounds ropey. 206 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,399 Yeah, we heard it was a bit old and crap. 207 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,119 Give me that! DOOR OPENS 208 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,199 Oh, Primrose, darling! 209 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,720 How was it? Brilliant. 210 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,799 Any chance of more biscuits tomorrow? 211 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,799 Turns out journalists like the truth and biscuits. 212 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,879 Not in that order. 213 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,479 Oven's on already, poppet. 214 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,479 Thanks. You'll come to the fair with us, won't you, Prim? 215 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,800 Oh... No, no, she'd like to relax at home after her first day. 216 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,320 Ma? I've got a guest coming. 217 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,159 What, so no takers? Really? 218 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,999 We'd rather have the swimming pool up and running. Yep. 219 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,079 Well, fine. But I can't let Fruity go belly-up 220 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,079 cos kids of today have forgotten how to have fun. 221 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,680 So I'll find folk who 'aven't. 222 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,639 Oh, don't go. 223 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,240 Pop! No, come back. 224 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,599 Kids, you've upset your father. 225 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,479 Do you know how hard that is to do? Sorry, Ma. Sorry, Ma. 226 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,959 Don't get spoilt, 227 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,599 like that little Cruella and the other Jerebohm devil-child. 228 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,599 Though what hope they've got, with those parents, I don't know. 229 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,039 Swimming pools! 230 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,519 Honestly. 231 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,279 Whatever happened to honest entertainment? 232 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,440 With the chance of losing an arm, crushed between bumper cars? 233 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,720 WHISTLING, BIKE CREAKING 234 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,160 POP STRAINS 235 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,279 Evening, Mr Larkin! Ah! 236 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,079 All right, Rev? Ma will be in the kitchen. 237 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,159 Take it easy on the God stuff. 238 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,879 Cos if she signs up to a nunnery, I'll hold you responsible. 239 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,959 I'll do my best. 240 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,359 Oh... Sorry, where are you taking that? 241 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,720 Squeaky bottom bracket. 242 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,159 Right, thank you. 243 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,800 I think. 244 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,240 POP CHUCKLES 245 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,639 Here he is, God's foot soldier! 246 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,719 Perfect timing. Pull up a chair. 247 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,119 Hungry? Yes, on purpose. 248 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,519 I'm told Larkin portion size is legendary. 249 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,519 This is a temple of plenty, and we know when we're lucky. 250 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,640 Me and my brood, we've all eaten, apart from Primrose. 251 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,879 What's life like at the vicarage? 252 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,439 I can't imagine that the vicar's much of a cook. No. 253 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,919 He's been known to heat up Spam, 254 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,879 but his real skill is waiting for someone else to cook for him. 255 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,559 SHE LAUGHS Ah, well, we all love a rogue vicar! 256 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:12,599 HE CHUCKLES 257 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,159 Why do we love a rogue vicar? Oh! 258 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,759 Reverend Candy. CUTLERY CLATTERS 259 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:16,919 Hello, Primrose. 260 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,359 Didn't realise you were here. He just popped in... 261 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,119 Well, you asked me... ..on the off chance. 262 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,119 Are you hungry, my love? Course you are. Take a seat. 263 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,519 While I get on with essential farm work outside. 264 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,320 I see. Ma, might we have a quick word outside? 265 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,559 Help yourself to gravy. 266 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,240 Cold gravy is the work of Satan. But you'll know that. 267 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,639 Could you please explain, right now, what you're doing? 268 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,359 I asked him to come over. 269 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,199 Why? You were all over him, 270 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,479 he panicked, knocked you back, you gave up, 271 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,759 so I'm helping you back on the horse. 272 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,799 Well, fair enough. 273 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,079 But now what? 274 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,679 You have a little chat over a lump of meat, 275 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,239 get to know each other better. 276 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,880 All very casual, like. 277 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,040 Thank you. 278 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,639 You're looking nice. 279 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,680 SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY 280 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,000 So are you. 281 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,640 Er... 282 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,320 All right, General? Escaping from Colditz? 283 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,879 Jump in! Save your legs for another day. 284 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,319 Er, too kind. But I'd rather walk, let off some steam, eh? 285 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,800 Ah. Having a domestic? 286 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:09,159 Yes. My sister and I are in dispute about where the shoes should go. 287 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,519 Well, I can easily see how that gets out of control. 288 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,799 To be honest, we haven't stopped arguing 289 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,079 since we landed here in 1946. 290 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,120 Oh, and there's that faux pas with Angela Snow. 291 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,960 Where are you?! 292 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,119 Hah! 293 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,960 Run away! I'll put the shoes where I damn well please! 294 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,319 Where are we going? 295 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,079 I'm on my way to pick up Edith. 296 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,439 Little funfair in town, thought she might like it. 297 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,319 I'm sure. Who can resist a tunnel of love? 298 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,999 Steady on, General! 299 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,399 And, of course, she gets sad without company, 300 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,879 does our Miss Pilchester. Well, we are pack animals, Larkin. 301 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,359 Yeah. I'm sure The Pilch will appreciate it greatly. 302 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,399 Oh, "The Pilch", eh? 303 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,399 You and Edith ever considered combining forces, Brigadier? 304 00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,079 Heavens, no. We all know Edith only has eyes for one man. 305 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,319 Oh, yeah, the dead fiance. Yeah. Terrible business, war. 306 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,039 Yeah, something like that, Larkin. 307 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,960 Something like that. 308 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,439 Oh, it's you, Mr Larkin. How splendid. 309 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,799 Brigadier, you are also a delight. 310 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,199 Pop is taking us to the funfair, Edith. Come along! 311 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,519 It's like a middle-aged version of The Wizard Of Oz. 312 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,599 I'd love to come, but what absolutely ghastly timing. 313 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,199 I've been experimenting with beetroot. I'm simply not ready. 314 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,839 Well, you are worth the wait. Don't you agree, Major? 315 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,839 The longer I'm out of the house, the better. 316 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,600 Then I'll scrub away at my purple and I'll be right out! 317 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,639 Experimenting with beetroot? 318 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,080 Best not to ask. 319 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,679 How could you let them feed the car keys to a cow? 320 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,079 They are fiendish children. 321 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,399 Make Gilbert wait by the cow and search the cowpats. 322 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,159 Make Blanche do it! Her face is like a cowpat. 323 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,920 Berndt is going into town to get a duplicate key. 324 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,919 Sending Larkin to prison won't be enough now. 325 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,600 I want his whole family humiliated. 326 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,800 Whoa. 327 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,000 I can't believe the incompetence. 328 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,079 All right, out you jump. 329 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,919 BRIGADIER AND MISS PILCHESTER GIGGLING 330 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,679 Come on. Brilliant. 331 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,079 CHATTER, SQUEALING 332 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,839 All right, Fruity? Promised I'd bring you some business, didn't I? 333 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,799 Is that it? Don't let appearances deceive. 334 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,719 These two are pillars of the community. 335 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,599 Once the village sees them knockin' about, 336 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,159 you'll be inundated, make no mistake. 337 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,919 LAUGHTER BOY: Go on, see how high you can go! 338 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,319 Oi, you lot! Calm it down! 339 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,759 Or what, you old git? 340 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,719 Or you'll regret it, that's what. 341 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,999 BOTH, MOCKINGLY: Ooh! 342 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,479 See what I have to deal with, Pop? 343 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,519 No worse than us when we were their age. 344 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,559 You rode a sheep naked into church. 345 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,239 Right, my treat. Come on. 346 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,879 What'll it be? Coconuts, roundabout, swings, or what? 347 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,319 When does the music start? 348 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,159 Do I need to put, er, money in it somewhere? 349 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,759 It's out of order. 350 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,439 And I've no money or inclination to get it back, neither. 351 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,719 That's a shame. I'd absolutely adore to get my hands on a coconut. 352 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,919 Right! 353 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,199 Fruity, I'll have five bob's worth, and get the prize ready, 354 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,959 cos Edith here played stoolball for Kent Ladies. 355 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,079 Not very well, by all accounts, but she played. 356 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,199 EDITH LAUGHS Thank you. 357 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,160 TEENAGERS SHOUT AND LAUGH 358 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,839 Hello! 359 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,999 Ow! 360 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,999 Ooh, that's gonna frighten off my customers. 361 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,919 You lot, that's it! Do one. Go on, get out of it! 362 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,639 I wouldn't do that if I were you. 363 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,039 I'm not having that. 364 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,400 Don't risk a hair of your fabulous head, Mr Larkin. 365 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,440 Come on, tone it down, lads. 366 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,079 Oh, you want it nasty, do you? 367 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,119 Yeah, cos nasty's more interesting than this crappy old fair. 368 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:10,039 Hey! It might be crappy, but at least it's all paid for. 369 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,520 Oi! Right. Now you've made me angry. 370 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,879 I could cut you up like a kipper, mate. 371 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,199 Argh! 372 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,159 Bloody hell! 373 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,999 EDITH GRUNTING, BOYS YELPING 374 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,199 And don't come back! 375 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,599 Leave it, Jed! Come on, Jed! 376 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,239 Edith Pilchester! 377 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,679 EDITH LAUGHS Well played, that woman, eh? 378 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,119 HE LAUGHS Thank you, thank you. 379 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,959 How much do I owe you for the balls? 380 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,319 You're joking?! I think she deserves a coconut, don't you? 381 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,199 She can have the lot. 382 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,400 That's it. I'm done. 383 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,719 MUTED CONVERSATION 384 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,039 PRIMROSE LAUGHING You're so funny! 385 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,079 CONVERSATION CONTINUES 386 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:54,680 CHAIR SCRAPES 387 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,200 SHE GASPS 388 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,919 HE SIGHS I've eaten so much, I can't move. 389 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,879 Oh, well, just sit there till morning. 390 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,159 Yes, just cover me in a tea towel so I don't scare your parents. 391 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,279 THEY LAUGH 392 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,560 I'm embarrassed that I needed your mother to engineer this. 393 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,879 Me too. Shame on you. 394 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,799 I'm not used to women. 395 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,399 I went to a boys' school, I studied with men, I... 396 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,320 The Holy Trinity are all men. 397 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,119 I think they hover above gender. 398 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,879 Yes, that is a theological minefield. 399 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,760 Well, I'm not used to men, so... 400 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,640 ..let's learn together. 401 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,839 Hey, Ma. 402 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,039 Guess what? You've only missed Edith Pilchester 403 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,999 attacking Teddy Boys with wooden balls. 404 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,919 Get out of here. Swear on my life. 405 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,799 I've never seen quiffs move so quick! 406 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,879 How's the Romeo Rev and Prim? 407 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,720 They still strong at it? Yep. 408 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,719 Good. 409 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,159 You all right, Ma? What's going on? 410 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:19,439 You tell me. 411 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,599 Er... 412 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,999 All right, well, I do have a confession to make. 413 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,999 I hoped you'd get round to it. Oh, so you know? 414 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,679 Assume I know everything, always. 415 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,039 And you're not angry? 416 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,640 Nah, I'm more worried. 417 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,920 Worry? Where's the worry in buying a funfair? 418 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,959 You bought a ruddy funfair?! 419 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,519 Well, I couldn't let Fruity 420 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,359 just sell it to any old person, could I, Ma? 421 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,959 Some things need preserving. 422 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,160 What d'you think I was talking about? This! 423 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,319 Oh, Ma. 424 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,039 That's nothing. 425 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,599 Pop, we've got to take it seriously, It's a court summons! 426 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,079 Bloody jelly-bums, eh? 427 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,719 They must have friends in high places. 428 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,119 We need to take this serious. 429 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,879 You're on trial for breaking and entering. 430 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,919 You could go to prison. But I didn't do it. 431 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,919 Which is exactly what most of the poor buggers 432 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,199 in the clanger say, too. 433 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,559 No, we can't take a chance. 434 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,759 All right, all right, we'll sort it out. 435 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,199 Right, and we're gonna tell the kids, too. 436 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,359 Huh? Yeah. 437 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:15,079 And Mariette and Charley, if I can track 'em down 438 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,919 in the arse end of Europe, wherever they are. 439 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,559 No, not yet, Ma. They'll only worry. 440 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,919 Give me a chance to clear my name first, then we'll tell 'em. 441 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,319 All right, but I don't hold with secrets in this family. 442 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,400 And we'll need to keep your nose clean in the meantime. 443 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,119 Listen to that. 444 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,519 I don't hear anything. 445 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,719 Exactly! Victoria fixed my bike. 446 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,439 Well, us Larkin girls are known for being good with our hands. 447 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,679 Right. 448 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,439 I mean, we've... we've all got our talents. 449 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,839 What's yours? 450 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,600 Oh, erm... Gosh... 451 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,679 I suppose writing? 452 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,759 And I love poetry, Donne particularly. 453 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,439 Do you know him? Never heard of him. 454 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:06,680 Oh... 455 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,199 "I wonder, by my troth 456 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,360 "What thou and I did till we loved?" 457 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,200 I do wonder, actually. 458 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:21,880 So do I. 459 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,399 Thank you. 460 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,279 I-I don't mean "thank you". 461 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,919 Oh. 462 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,920 I mean this. 463 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,160 Do you want to jump on? 464 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:48,800 Why not? 465 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,520 THEY CHUCKLE 466 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,600 PRIMROSE LAUGHS 467 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,560 OWL HOOTS 468 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,560 CLANGING 469 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,840 RATTLING 470 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,520 CLANGING 471 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,920 Oh, grow up. 472 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,360 THUD 473 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,960 TELEPHONE RINGS 474 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,559 Who's telephoning at this time of night? 475 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,719 Oh, I don't know. 476 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,120 But it's never good news, is it? 477 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,480 TELEPHONE RINGS 478 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,520 Who is it? PC Larkin reporting for duty. 479 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,719 I-I-I'm so sorry to drag you out of your home. What am I thinking? 480 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,119 Don't fret, Edith. 481 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,719 I heard noises, and I was petrified those thugs had come to get me 482 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,839 because they heard my name, and anyone can look me up 483 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,799 in the telephone directory and find my address. 484 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,759 Perhaps I should have put a false one in, but... 485 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,999 Calm, Edith, calm, or you'll have a stroke. 486 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,959 I feel silly now, in fact, I increasingly do. 487 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,439 But they could be in the woodshed... 488 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,439 Exactly, so I'm gonna stay with you tonight until the morning. 489 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,599 Won't people talk? 490 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,319 Well, it's been known, but I'd rather that 491 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,520 than you lose your marbles, so where shall I kip? 492 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,159 Er... 493 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,599 Well... 494 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,919 Erm... 495 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,080 You must think I'm an absolute drip and a clot. 496 00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:47,639 Quite the opposite. 497 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,199 Especially now we know you can kill a man with a wooden ball. 498 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:51,800 SHE CHUCKLES 499 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,199 SCRATCHING 500 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,839 Is that someone scratching at the door? 501 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,599 No, sorry, that's me. 502 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,840 I'm a massive scratcher in times of stress and excitement. 503 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,560 What brought on the attack of purple? 504 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,319 Surplus beetroot. I hate waste. 505 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,800 And perhaps the influence of Pinkie. 506 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,359 She may be evil, but let's applaud her commitment to colour. 507 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:20,960 Mm. 508 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:26,199 Who'd have thought it, eh? Me and you, chatting away in bed. 509 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:31,520 Yes, absolutely, that's... never, ever crossed my mind. 510 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,599 Things could've been so different. 511 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,280 Oh, don't. It's the hope that kills you. 512 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,679 If only your fiance hadn't have died during the war. 513 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,799 Ah. Yes, so... 514 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,839 What kills you is either the hope or... 515 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,840 crashing your Spitfire into a cliff. 516 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,399 What was he like? 517 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,920 Piers? 518 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,880 D'you know, I'm beginning to forget. Well, Edith... 519 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,280 You need to replace him, then. 520 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,959 Please don't just slip away in the morning. 521 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,719 I'd love us to... 522 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,919 have a cup of tea together, as if we had, you know... 523 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,280 As if we were... 524 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:16,720 Anyway. 525 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:19,840 Of course, Edith. 526 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,840 I'm gonna ask you for a favour. 527 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,040 Anything... 528 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,280 I'll take that one, please. 529 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:43,560 There we go. 530 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,480 CAR ENGINE WHIRS 531 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,120 They're back. 532 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,079 This is how you spend your time? 533 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:03,599 How funny. 534 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,279 I'd be mortified if my parents made me sell food. 535 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,399 Don't worry, we're not selling to you lot. 536 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,479 No, you don't tell me what's happening, I tell you. 537 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,919 Mummy, keep hold of your car keys. They can't be trusted. 538 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,039 You may have got the better of Mr Jerebohm, 539 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,959 but you won't get the better out of me. 540 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,359 I wouldn't bet on it. Have you come here just to say that? 541 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:24,639 Yes, I have. 542 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,039 That's pathetic. 543 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,759 Ah! 544 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,719 Ah! Ah! 545 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,759 Stop it! 546 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,159 Stop it! 547 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,919 You'll smirk on the other side of your countrified faces 548 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,360 when you find out what's happening to your precious father! 549 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,239 Mummy! The boy's stolen our car! 550 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,719 Hello, Larkin girls! 551 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,439 Ooh, you look cross. 552 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,720 Oh! Buy some strawberries. That always cheers me up. 553 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,360 Mummy, I don't think they fed the keys to the cow after all... 554 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:00,800 MUTTERING: Cretins. 555 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,239 It's great fun. 556 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,960 Vicar, morning. Fruity's fair. 557 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:21,839 Oh, thank you. See you over there. 558 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,719 Pol, Neil. There you go. 559 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,959 Bring the kids. Smashing. Bring the kids. 560 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,599 Come to Fruity's fair, it's great fun. 561 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:29,839 Don't go walking up that way, 562 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,559 you wanna walk that way, Larkin's Farm. 563 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,239 It's great. Come on, yeah. 564 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,680 Look what I won. 565 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,519 Larkin's Farm, Saturday. All right? Fun for all the family. 566 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,120 I mean, if you haven't got a family, keep practising. 567 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,000 GEESE SQUAWK 568 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,519 Your son has stolen our car. 569 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,439 Oh, yeah? 570 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,519 Oh, are you gonna have him arrested, too? 571 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,600 Why not sue me and the little twins an' all? 572 00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,599 You know, I really don't like you. 573 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,239 D'you like anyone? 574 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,879 You and your happy bloody face and your happy bloody husband, 575 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,679 walking about the place, smiling, with your happy bloody kids, 576 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,479 as if you haven't got a care in the world. 577 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:11,999 Why does that bother you? 578 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,599 Because it's all a big lie. 579 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,959 You're so wrong about that. 580 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,639 Well, if it wasn't before, it will be soon. 581 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,959 You're not gonna get away with trying to destroy my family, 582 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,320 our happiness. 583 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:30,640 I believe these are yours. 584 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,120 And where is our car? 585 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,160 GEESE FLAP AND SQUAWK 586 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,839 STREET ORGAN CLUNKS, HE GRUNTS 587 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,320 CYMBAL CLASHES 588 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,839 What's the point of it if it doesn't work? 589 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,200 I could say t'same about you. 590 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,039 I hope you're not hoping to make any money out o' this, 591 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,639 cos you won't, you know? 592 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,839 Some things are worth more than making money, me ol' mucker, 593 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,999 and knowing you can put your feet up 594 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,079 and enjoy your retirement, Fruity, is one of 'em. 595 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,959 Retirement? Nah, I got myself a job on one of them cruise ships, 596 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,600 fillin' up t'fruit machines. 597 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,319 Well, I tell you what, I'll pay you double 598 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,880 if you stay on and run this for me, round the locals. 599 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,799 Well, then it'll be like nothing's changed? 600 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,439 Yeah. Just how I like it. 601 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,160 You wouldn't have done it man and boy if you didn't love it. 602 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,679 Well, er... if you want. 603 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,719 You've got a deal. HE SPITS 604 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,880 Well done, Fruity. THEY CHUCKLE 605 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,239 You sure about this, Pop? Course I am, Ma. 606 00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:10,599 I couldn't let Fruity just flog the fair, could I, eh? 607 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,199 We had our first kiss on those swings. 608 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,039 Mm. HE LAUGHS 609 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,039 Nah, we had our first kiss in Jethrow's barn, 610 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,479 so I dunno who you're thinking about on them swings, 611 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:21,839 but it wasn't me. 612 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,880 STREET ORGAN WINDING UP 613 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,560 STREET ORGAN PLAYING 614 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,440 Ma, they'll soon be 'ere. 615 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,959 Fruity, me old mucker, look after my balls. 616 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,480 POP CHUCKLES Not a problem, Pop. 617 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:53,080 CHATTER, HUBBUB 618 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,999 POP LAUGHS Come on, roll up everyone. 619 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,279 WOMAN: Hello, Pop. You all right? Good. 620 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,399 What was it...? SPEECH FADES OUT 621 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,399 Now, keep the coconut in your eye line at all times, 622 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,399 then fire, fire, fire and a coconut may be yours. 623 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,239 We don't like coconut. Nor do I - revolting. 624 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:16,479 It's coconut as prize, not as edible fruit. 625 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,280 What? It's about the journey towards the coconut, not the... 626 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,200 Forgive me, I'm not used to children. 627 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,159 Have you nailed in these coconuts? POP CHUCKLES 628 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,999 MISS CHAND: ..Because it happens every time. 629 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,999 You say you want candyfloss.. And I do. 630 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,879 ..then I get it for you, and you never finish it. 631 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,599 Well, this time, I will, though. I promise. 632 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,639 Fine. 633 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,879 One SMALL candyfloss, please, Montgomery. 634 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,160 Comin' right up. 635 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,880 CHATTER, LAUGHTER 636 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,519 I hear you're a big horsey person. 637 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,359 I am. I love big horses. VICAR LAUGHS 638 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,879 Uh, but small horses, too. 639 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:09,199 I didn't mean that you favour big horses. I meant... 640 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,999 Oh, never mind. HE CHUCKLES 641 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,479 Of course, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a humble donkey. 642 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,999 BACKGROUND LAUGHTER Mm. 643 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,880 That's very Jesus, isn't it? 644 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,519 Hm. It IS very... Jesus. 645 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,399 SHE HUMS 646 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,320 Yes, it's... Mm. 647 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,680 MACHINE WHIRS 648 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,600 Oh, for goodness' sake! It's all right. I'll take it slowly. 649 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,559 As a reverend... Mm. 650 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,479 ..are you allowed to go on the rides? 651 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,679 Yes. Yes, I am. 652 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,559 Oh! Oh, that's nice. 653 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,399 Wh-Why would I not be? 654 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,719 I... don't know. 655 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,399 You two all right for drinks? Actually, I'd love a glass of water. 656 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,799 No. What you need, young man, is a quencher... 657 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,639 HE LAUGHS ..not water! 658 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:14,519 Primrose! Get Super-Rev here a proper drink. 659 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,399 Only if he comes with me to show me what he likes. 660 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,080 BIRDSONG, CHATTER 661 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,759 Do I detect a ROMANCE in the air? 662 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,279 Nothing gets past you, does it, Libby? 663 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,879 Oh, do you think so? 664 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,360 I sometimes worry that I'm a bit daft. 665 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,959 Thank you for lending me your husband last night, Ma. 666 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,480 You're very welcome, Edith. 667 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,239 LIBBY GIGGLES 668 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:45,919 I'm surprised to see you here, Norma... 669 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,799 on your own. Well, don't be. 670 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,359 I'm not joined at the hip to my husband... 671 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,920 except on Sunday mornings - Alec loves regularity. 672 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,479 Don't tell Alec I said that. I once let it slip 673 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,759 that you could time his bowel movements with a clock, 674 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,479 and he got a lot of ribbing. 675 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,559 You don't have to put up with his nonsense, you know. 676 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,680 Well, there's a bit of nonsense in every marriage, isn't there? 677 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:17,359 I know that your Alec is in up to his neck against us. 678 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:21,680 Well, I recommend that you stay on the side of the angels. 679 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,120 Is it me, or are people talking in riddles? 680 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:42,359 GATE SQUEAKS What if someone sees us? 681 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,600 So what? We're allowed to kiss, aren't we? 682 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,559 HE CHUCKLES I suppose so. 683 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,159 SHE LAUGHS 684 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,319 Only, I'd rather we kept it quiet for a bit. 685 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,039 You're embarrassed? Heavens, no! 686 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,159 Me, with a girl like you... BIRDSONG 687 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,959 But I-I've only just arrived, and I'm trying to focus on my work. 688 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:02,440 I don't want our relationship to distract people. 689 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,799 OK. We'll keep it between us. 690 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,320 For now. 691 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,919 One last go? SHE LAUGHS 692 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,759 Oh! THEY GIGGLE 693 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,079 MA CHORTLES I call it a triumph. 694 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,519 Not half. THEY CHUCKLE 695 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,439 I told you. Didn't I tell you? SADLY: You told me. 696 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:22,639 BACKGROUND CHATTER 697 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,039 Don't dawdle, brother. I've got to find a bin. 698 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,439 I feel sick. MISS CHAND SIGHS 699 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,079 Rev? So, God goes into this bar, right? 700 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,199 He see's the Devil standing on a table, singing... 701 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,720 Pop. Pop, we've got visitors. 702 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,359 STREET ORGAN JANGLING, CLUNKING 703 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:41,879 Oh, here they come. Leave this to me. 704 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,999 Oh, Pop, don't do anything rash. It's all right. 705 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,479 Be careful! 706 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,000 HE SPITS 707 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,079 It's all right, son. Thank you. 708 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:54,000 Oh, here he comes. Old guard to the rescue. 709 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,879 With a pretty bit of fluff by his side. 710 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,919 Get your greasy hands off me. Ooh, kitten's got claws. 711 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,479 Touch her again, you'll regret it. Is that right? 712 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,919 Yeah. Yeah, calm down geezer. 713 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,639 We've just come to join the party, and he gets all unfriendly. 714 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,079 Grown-ups today, eh, Jed? No manners. 715 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,960 Yeah. We should teach 'im a lesson. 716 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,159 HE CHUCKLES 717 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:17,919 I've heard better banter on Come Dancing. 718 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,760 Where's the old trout with the coconuts? 719 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,640 There she is. 720 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:31,919 That's it. I'll give you jokers ten seconds to get lost. 721 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,599 Or what? Pop, no. 722 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:34,839 Or this! Oh! 723 00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:36,519 CROWD GASPS Oh! 724 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,320 Nicely done. Thank you, Ma. 725 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,319 TYRES ON GRAVEL, POLICE SIREN 726 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,999 Oh, thank heavens for that! BRAKES SQUEAK 727 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,880 WOMAN: Yeah, go on. 728 00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:54,999 HE CHUCKLES Is there any candy floss left? 729 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,519 MISS CHAND: Here you are, PC Harness. 730 00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,480 Arrest him, officer. The man's a violent animal. 731 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,959 Oh, Pop, tell me that's not true. You're still on bail. 732 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,039 You get charged now, they'll throw the book at you. 733 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,879 Bail? Pop, what's he talking about? Cuff him! 734 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:11,800 Look what he's done to Jed's face. And Jed's a psycho! 735 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,080 Pop, I have to ask. Did you assault this man? 736 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,479 No, he didn't. I did. 737 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,759 Really? Really? Liar! 738 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:26,119 You, Reverend Candy, of this parish, punched this man in the face? 739 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,759 Yup, bang to rights, as they say... I think. Yeah. 740 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,079 It was me. A-Ask anyone. 741 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,799 Anyone? CROWD SHOUTS AGREEMENT 742 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,199 They're lying! 743 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,319 Well, Rev, seeing as this is your first offence, I'm guessing, 744 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,279 and this lot are clearly a bunch of herberts, 745 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:43,719 I'll let you off with a warning, 746 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:46,439 all right, but don't do it again. I won't. Thank you, Constable. 747 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:47,959 Are you joking? You reckon 748 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,399 the scrawny parson's nose 'ere toppled Jed? 749 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:51,839 JED GROWLS Look at the state of 'im! 750 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,039 Yeah, come on then. Give it a try. 751 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,839 Oh! CROWD GASPS 752 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,239 Oh! Will that do? 753 00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:00,879 Let's have a look. I do apologise. 754 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,679 Or do I? No, I don't, really. 755 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:06,079 He broke my nose! 756 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,719 Well, do something! Arrest him. 757 00:42:08,720 --> 00:42:11,879 I, er... I'd love to, but it's half past six, 758 00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,839 and I'm off duty now, so, you lot, get lost. 759 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,520 JED WHIMPERS 760 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:19,839 That was a lucky punch, you could've taken him. 761 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,159 You've got a great sense of timing there, son. 762 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,479 SHE CHUCKLES Thanks, Ma. 763 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,359 Yes. Who called you? Er, no-one. 764 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,319 I actually came to speak to you Larkins. 765 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,279 There's been a few complaints. Who from? 766 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:34,199 The Jerebohms. What? I've done nothing! 767 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,959 It's not you, Pop, it's Ma and the kids this time. 768 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,279 It's er, damage to a motor vehicle, theft of a motor vehicle, 769 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,359 abusive behaviour, and assault using fruit. 770 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,400 SHE STIFLES LAUGHTER 771 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,920 I thought this family didn't keep secrets. 772 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,760 Sorry, Pop. CHILDREN: Sorry, Pop. 773 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:05,360 All right, Ma? 774 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:13,559 Oh, watch out, Ma. We're surrounded. What's up, my lovelies? 775 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,400 Why did PC Harness say that you're on bail? 776 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,760 Now's the time, my love. 777 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,479 All right, then, you lot, come on, have a sit down. 778 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,079 Let's chat, eh? HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 779 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:29,359 But before we do, I want you to know this - 780 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,559 I'm gonna sort everything out, all right? 781 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,919 We all are... Yeah. 782 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,840 ..cos we're gonna do this as a family. 783 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:44,279 No more secrets. 784 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,360 No more secrets. 785 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,000 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com