1 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:08,960 Hello, Mrs Larkin. 2 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,280 What do you want? 3 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,760 There are things going on... 4 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,000 ..which you should know about. 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,679 How many sherries did you have? 6 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,999 You never ask a lady that. 7 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,120 Ten. 8 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,359 This is very sensitive information, off the record, 9 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,240 and for your ears only. 10 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,600 Obviously, my husband Alec... Yeah. 11 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,720 ..is an idiot. 12 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:55,200 He has some sterling qualities, can't remember what they are... 13 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:01,200 ..but he's fallen under the spell of the Jerebohms... 14 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,960 ..especially the pink one. 15 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,400 So, what's happened? 16 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,639 The Jerebohms bribed, 17 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,000 then blackmailed about the bribe... 18 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:22,360 ..the magistrate Sprague, whom Alec knows from the Masons. 19 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,880 Lovely wife. 20 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,640 Your husband never stood a chance. 21 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,159 So, how are we gonna prove it and get Pop out of jail? 22 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,320 No idea... 23 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,800 ..but this is off the record and for your ears only. 24 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,600 You jump into bed with a man... 25 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,199 ..and 30 years later, 26 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,440 you realise it was probably the wrong man. 27 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,359 Primrose, Your Grace. 28 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,199 That's actually more for archbishops, but thank you. 29 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,279 Hello, Pauline. 30 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,879 I'll have a cider and a pint of Browns, please. 31 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,399 No, I'll pay. I'm a fiercely modern woman. 32 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,919 Rotten news about your dad. Yes. 33 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,399 Though, there are new developments that I can't talk about. 34 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,119 Oh, yeah? Well, my copper will be pleased. 35 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,320 Told him he's not getting any till he helps spring Pop. 36 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,519 So this is cosy, you two. 37 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,000 Yes, I'm a lucky man. So there is a God. 38 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,679 I mean, I know there is... Mm-hm. 39 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,640 ..but He has manifested His... 40 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,040 You know what I'm saying. Thank you 41 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,000 Miss Larkin. 42 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,879 So, what do you think of Primrose's new fella, then? 43 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,559 Yeah, he's nice. 44 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,719 He's very nice. Yeah, he is very nice. 45 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,319 Actually, Reverend Candy'd be a lovely friend for you, Charley. 46 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,599 Hm? Come to think of it, you're not great at making friends. 47 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,119 You haven't got any apart from us. 48 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,759 Yeah, well, Pauline was my friend, 49 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,359 but you stamped on that pretty quickly. 50 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,759 Male friends. You could fish together... 51 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,839 What? ..or whatever men do. Compare beers. 52 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,919 I'll be too busy setting up our future. Aw. 53 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,879 I need a job, and we need a home before the baby comes. 54 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,719 And what's wrong with staying in the house? 55 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,839 There are 11 people in there. 56 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,799 There was a queue for the lavatory at three in the morning. 57 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,320 Without Dad, the house feels positively empty. 58 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,199 I know. I miss it being just you and me together. 59 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,600 Well, what would you think about us moving into the barn? 60 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,720 Are you mad? 61 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,839 There were three magistrates. How is it Sprague has all the power? 62 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,199 A pack leader always emerges. 63 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,559 We're no more sophisticated than dogs, really. 64 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,679 So, how can we expose him? 65 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:25,280 Er, pressure could be applied via Alec Norman... 66 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,479 ..but I suspect Sprague has his number. 67 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,519 But the magistrate must be terrified of being exposed. 68 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,079 Wouldn't that force his hand? 69 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,799 Some people are very good at brazening out difficulties. 70 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,839 In fact, I am. 71 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:42,439 He... He's invested in the lie he helped to create, 72 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,679 so he must be presented with incontrovertible evidence 73 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,400 that he won't get away with this. 74 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:50,879 But be warned... 75 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:55,040 an animal is never as dangerous as when it's being hunted. 76 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,320 So, I'm off for a swim. 77 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,599 Morning, Constable. I need your help. 78 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,679 Is this to do with Pop? 79 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,199 No, it's to do with road safety in the village. 80 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,639 Ah, well, I share your concern, and I think... 81 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,480 Yes, it's to do with Pop! 82 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,599 Have you got any covert recording equipment 83 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,079 here at the station and experience of using it? 84 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,439 Yes and no. 85 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,439 That'll have to do. We need to use it to get Pop off. 86 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,159 I am desperate to get Pop off. 87 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,239 Oh, Pauline's still withdrawing sexual favours till you do? 88 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,039 That is correct, yeah. 89 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,679 That's both of us going without, then. 90 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,160 FLY BUZZES 91 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,519 She is a very alluring woman, Mrs Larkin, 92 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,479 and quite frankly, it is killing me. 93 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,759 Then dig out your miniature microphone 94 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,520 or whatever you've got, and let's sort this out. 95 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,960 MONTGOMERY SINGS: B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby. B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby. 96 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,520 Did you find an egg, Oscar? Well done. 97 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,439 PETUNIA: Come on, girls. You can do it. 98 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,360 Come on, Phil, we're winning. 99 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,000 Aww! Wait! 100 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,319 Oh, our first proper home of our own! 101 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,680 Mm. HE EXHALES 102 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,159 Do you know what? 103 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,799 I don't ever wanna live anywhere else. 104 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,119 Nor do I. Are you all right? 105 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,519 You're not too tired or nauseous or... No. 106 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,439 ..or craving pickles? No! 107 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,639 Why do people treat us like...? 108 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,000 Oh, actually, I'd love some. Do you mind? 109 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,400 And something rubber to suck. 110 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,240 PHONE RINGS 111 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,839 Littlechurch 251. 112 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,879 Hello, Norma. Oh... hello. 113 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,159 Thank you for coming round last night. 114 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,879 Just... don't exploit my honesty. 115 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,119 Well, I'm not gonna ask you 116 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,479 to incriminate yourself or Alec, but I do need... 117 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,879 I told you... I can't help you any more. 118 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,600 'I'm afraid you're gonna have to.' 119 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,879 The Jerebohms are on their guard, 120 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,519 and they're not gonna incriminate that vile magistrate 121 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,640 unless it's to someone who's in on it. 122 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,959 Do you really want Pinkie to get away with this? 123 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,040 I don't. 124 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,879 It's like living with Goebbels. 125 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,359 I just don't see why on top of doing your pastoral work, 126 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,999 I should do all the tidying and cleaning. 127 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,479 So, don't do any! 128 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,440 I'll die of dysentery if one of us doesn't. 129 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,919 But I wouldn't mind that if you were... pleasant. 130 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,119 It's typical of your generation to be holier than thou. 131 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,200 Oh! Oh, well, at least one of us is being holy! 132 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,999 I thought that as we now share some big secrets, 133 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,240 it would be super if we were pals. 134 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,879 Anyway, thanks for helping us put Pop Larkin away. 135 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,640 Mm, well, I naively assumed he was guilty. 136 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:53,039 Are you still on a diet, or could you tackle a slice of mille feuille? 137 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,559 Oh, I'm fine, thank you. Or some punschkrapfen? 138 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,319 It's from the continental patisserie in Dymchurch. 139 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,680 Oh, no. 140 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,560 MICROPHONE SCREECHES 141 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,239 'Was it your idea or Mr Jerebohm's, 142 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,159 'how to catch Larkin out? 143 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,319 'Mine. Mr Jerebohm's really quite dozy.' 144 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,039 THEY LAUGH 145 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,919 But, er, are you sure nobody knows you've bought off Major Sprague? 146 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:28,880 Yes, and as long as everyone keeps quiet, it'll fade away. 147 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,719 And you and your husband are both... 148 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,039 used to this sort of ruse, obviously. Mm. 149 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,080 STATIC CRACKLES What's that crackling noise? 150 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,280 Static electricity. 151 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,079 I'm breaking in some new Bri-Nylon underwear. 152 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:53,559 So, Major Sprague is all taken care of? 153 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,799 Oh, can we not talk about him? 154 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,599 He's just a greedy, old buffer with as much interest in justice 155 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,559 as I have in making jam, thankfully. 156 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,040 THEY LAUGH 157 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:06,079 But did you have to pay Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm? 158 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,359 Cheap at the price, dear. 159 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,840 OBJECT THUMPS 160 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:12,920 What was that? 161 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:15,840 What's going on? 162 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,400 Hot water boiler. 163 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,320 Are you sure I can't tempt you with some punschkrapfen... 164 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,720 ..or a bomboloni? 165 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,080 Oh! 166 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,719 Ah, Dean. 167 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,559 Afternoon, Vicar. Busy? 168 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,959 Frantically, hence my need for... an emergency nap. 169 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,919 Hm, and how is your co-tenancy with Reverend Candy going? 170 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,119 He's a nightmare. 171 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,359 He has to go. It's either him or me. 172 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,999 Now, I heard he was hard-working and popular, 173 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,919 whereas you remain lazy, drink too much, live in squalor 174 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,919 and recently conducted a mass christening in a swimming pool... 175 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,719 Exactly. Does that sound lazy? 176 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,479 ..which descended into farce when geese attacked. 177 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,920 You left out half the service, and someone nearly drowned. 178 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,880 You could learn a lot from Reverend Candy. 179 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,999 All right, please yourself. I withdraw my him-or-me ultimatum. 180 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,519 It's too late for that. 181 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,399 We're moving you on to a parish 182 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,879 where you'll rediscover your sense of purpose. 183 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,919 What? No! Where? 184 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,559 Either St Grimbald's in Millwall or St Jimmy's in Chatham Docks. 185 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,720 You must be bloody joking. You'll need to move out in a week. 186 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,799 So, this is the bed. 187 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:07,159 And then over here, we've got a really, really cosy sofa. 188 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,919 Oh, and this makes a stylish sink. It's a bucket. 189 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,879 Straw has been scientifically proven to be one of the best 190 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,039 bedding and insulation materials, interestingly. 191 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,239 Interestingly? But we like having you in the house. 192 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,439 There'll be more room when Angela and... old Mr Pastry leave. 193 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,599 Oh, I know, but we wanted a place of our own anyway. 194 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,919 Mariette needs her sleep now the baby's coming, 195 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,479 and she is snoring more now, which will wake the house. 196 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,279 Apparently it's caused by the extra fat of the soft tissue 197 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,959 around her neck. 198 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,239 It's in the pregnancy book. 199 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,959 Dad wouldn't want you to leave. 200 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,799 Oh, come on. That's not fair. 201 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,559 We are 50 feet away from the house! 202 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,759 HORSE WHINNIES Easy, Biscuit. 203 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,519 Lodger? No, no. She is not staying. 204 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,039 She used to live here, so we had to invite her. 205 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,999 Primrose'll be next, off to shack up with her bloke. 206 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,839 We've only been together for a few weeks. 207 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,399 You don't "shack up" with a Rev. 208 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,359 That's true. You have to get married. 209 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,439 You would, though, wouldn't you? God, yes, I love him so much. 210 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,639 What does "shack up" mean? I don't know. 211 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,959 We will be sorting all Larkin couples out 212 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,679 with a proper house when things get back to normal, 213 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:12,839 assuming they will. 214 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,680 CAR DOOR CLOSES 215 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,840 Did it work? The Jerebohms... 216 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,719 ..dead in the water! 217 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,159 Oh! MONTGOMERY: Ah, brilliant. 218 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,399 VICTORIA: It worked! He's taped it. 219 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,839 We've been here before, and it got us nowhere, 220 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,160 so let's just, erm... 221 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,960 Let's just see what happens, shall we? 222 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,920 HE WHISTLES 223 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,040 # All things bright and beaut... # 224 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,800 ..ifully tidy. 225 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,080 Hello, what's going on? 226 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,319 The Dean stopped by. 227 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,480 He says it's you or me. 228 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,560 He wants me to move out and leave you the parish. 229 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,600 I had no idea. 230 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,119 Castrated and shipped out like a sacrificial stag. 231 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,479 I promise I didn't ask the Dean to do this. 232 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,280 But I still have to go. 233 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,240 Unless you do the decent thing and leave first. 234 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,079 But... 235 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,000 I have reasons to stay here, too. 236 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,840 CHICKENS SQUAWKS 237 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,520 MARIETTE SNORES 238 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,919 Eurgh! Ah! Ah! 239 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,759 Ah! Oh, no! 240 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,760 Ahhh! Ah, what... Oh, no. 241 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,159 Oh! Ah! 242 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,399 What's going on? Huh! 243 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,200 Look, there are a few drawbacks to our new future home. 244 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,279 Well, at least for me. 245 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,119 Yeah, the bugs are used to us Larkins. 246 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,999 Give them a while. They'll get bored with you. 247 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,039 Oh, no, I can't wait that long. 248 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,999 I am going to find something to kill them. 249 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,480 Ah, eurgh! 250 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:58,960 Ow! 251 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,599 What the devil is this? 252 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,159 You'll remember me from previous visits 253 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,280 regarding Mr Sidney Larkin and... 254 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,159 Are you all right, Sir John? 255 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,840 Yes, fine. Thank you. 256 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,639 Can I have a policeman in here, please? 257 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,359 Good idea. He can listen in to this as evidence. 258 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,359 You'll remember the story so far. 259 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,439 You turned down our request 260 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,239 to overturn Mr Larkin's outrageous sentence. 261 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:30,399 And dismissed as inadmissible a good quantity of solid argument. 262 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,559 You will not do the same today with our new ad hominem evidence. 263 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,959 SIR JOHN CHUCKLES 264 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:41,359 This is Sir John Snow QC, so he deals personally with the Queen. 265 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,400 Hm? 266 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,279 PINKIE: 'He's just a greedy, old buffer with as much interest 267 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,920 'in justice as I have in making jam, thankfully.' 268 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,799 NORMA: 'But did you have 269 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,959 'to pay Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm? 270 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,439 'Cheap at the price, dear.' 271 00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,959 You can go. 272 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,080 GO! 273 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,359 All right. Stop the tape. 274 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:10,079 So, the only question now is do we drag you through the courts? 275 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,079 Or do you resign immediately 276 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,120 and release Mr Larkin with a full pardon? 277 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,479 Ha-ha-ha. SIR JOHN LAUGHS 278 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,080 Do you really think we'd bring the only tape without making a copy? 279 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:38,000 I need you to telephone whoever will get my husband out of prison NOW! 280 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,679 Did we have a copy? What do you think, Daddy? 281 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,040 Oh, we had one! 282 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,680 Oh! 283 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,719 Thanks, Charley. 284 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,799 Yes, well, I think we are winning the battle 285 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,240 to create an environment safe for a pregnant woman and me. 286 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,360 Mainly me. 287 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:17,319 Has it lost a bit of its charm? Um... Yes, it has. 288 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,320 Sorry. 289 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,119 CHICKEN SQUAWKS 290 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,639 HE LAUGHS 291 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,879 There. It's not that. It's Dad. 292 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,999 Yeah, I know. 293 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,359 I'm worried. If he doesn't get out, this'll change him. 294 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,680 Destroy his happy essence. 295 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,760 It's Ma. She wanted to talk to you first. 296 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,560 Ma? 297 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,200 Thank you. 298 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,679 Pop's coming home. 299 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,679 What? He's coming home! 300 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,599 What? Oh, my God! Oh, my... 301 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,119 Guys, three cheers for the British justice system! 302 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,480 Come on. SHE CHUCKLES 303 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,719 He's free? He's free! 304 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,319 Yes! Aww. 305 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,439 I told you we were close to the house. 306 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,319 The telephone wire even reaches out here! 307 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,039 What? 308 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,399 I'm going to celebrate with pickles. Great news, Monty 309 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,599 DOOR CLANGS 310 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,639 PRISONER: Here he is! 311 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,759 THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD 312 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,999 Well, I love you, too. 313 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,719 I've learnt so much in here. It's been magical. 314 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,759 THEY LAUGH 315 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,879 See you soon, Pop. Not in 'ere you won't. 316 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,559 Bless you. I feel like the Pope. 317 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,799 Mike, I've sealed up your tunnel. Hope you don't mind. 318 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,039 Dave, good lad, make sure this your last stretch. 319 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,359 Promise me, yeah? 320 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,679 Keith, if you're ever in Littlechurch, 321 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,279 don't nick my car, all right? 322 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,799 THEY LAUGH Good lad. See you, boys. 323 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,879 THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD 324 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,280 PRISONER: All the best, Pop. 325 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,039 Thank you, Billy. Be good, Pop. 326 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,160 Hello, Ma. 327 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,720 THEY SIGH 328 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,640 So, that's over. Yeah. Come on. 329 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,160 You know what, Pop? What's that, gorgeous? 330 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,239 I don't think I've ever been happier. 331 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,759 Ah, me neither. 332 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,160 You got me out, though, Ma. Nobody else could've. 333 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,239 So, what do you wanna do first, love? 334 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,400 We could go round the Jerebohms, give them what for. 335 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,039 No, let's save them for tomorrow. 336 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,359 HE CHUCKLES 337 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,199 Or we could go up to the Downs. 338 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,199 Have a quiet moment before you get home and the party starts. 339 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,120 Yeah, let's do that. 340 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,440 So... 341 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,320 What was it like in there, really? 342 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,880 The nights were very long without you, Ma. Endless. 343 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,119 You're so special. 344 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,680 We all are. 345 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,240 It's a beautiful world. 346 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,039 BELL CHIMES 347 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,840 Ah, I love that sound. Read it out. 348 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,959 "Report by our special legal correspondent Tulip McFarbley." 349 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,319 Ah, like it. 350 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,039 "Mr Sidney Larkin of Littlechurch 351 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,319 "was released from Fordington Prison today on appeal 352 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,799 "and cleared of all wrongdoing." 353 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,080 Er, "any wrongdoing". 354 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,600 Shut up, it's fine. 355 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,079 "Chief Magistrate Major Bertram Sprague..." 356 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,039 Satan! String him up! 357 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,759 "..said new evidence has come to light 358 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,559 "revealing a grave miscarriage of justice, 359 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,119 "so we are pleased to release Mr Larkin 360 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,800 "with our sincere apologies." 361 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,199 There's more. No, I trust you. 362 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,399 I've started a long piece about abuses and weaknesses 363 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,599 in the magistrature with particular reference to... 364 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,879 One day, just relax now, Primrose, all right? 365 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:10,919 Have some silly time. 366 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,960 Review some terrible am-dram. Write about hedgerows. 367 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,680 Who's this who keeps appearing? 368 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,280 That's such good news! 369 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,599 Outside! 370 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,280 Revolting display. 371 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,920 Look, I'm sorry to be so dismal on your happy day, but... 372 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,039 I feel I need to do the decent thing, as the Vicar says, 373 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,519 and leave him to his church. Right. 374 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,760 Except I can't bear to leave the village... 375 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,119 ..and leave you. 376 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,519 I can't bear it either. 377 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,199 But, I-I mean... I mean, I understand if... 378 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,599 if you feel you must move on 379 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,640 and bring joy to another community. 380 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,400 Good. Then, erm... 381 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,200 I'll draft my resignation letter. 382 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,719 Well, obviously, I don't mean it! Of course you must stay. 383 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,599 Thank God you said that. He's a terrible vicar. 384 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,599 He is, isn't he? And you're really good. 385 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,679 I am really, aren't I? 386 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,720 THEY LAUGH 387 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,439 MR JEREBOHM: I hate villages! They're just underachieving towns. 388 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,239 GLASS SMASHES 389 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,680 HE LAUGHS 390 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,359 But you had to have the big house in the country, didn't you? 391 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,959 And now you've blown our secrets all over the place. 392 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,119 All right. I may have talked to Norma Norman, 393 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,599 and the evil witch recorded it. 394 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,599 What's wrong with the people down here? 395 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,120 Can't they see we're special?! 396 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,799 Stop looking at me like that, you eerie children! 397 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,079 Well, those Larkins are gonna come after us, 398 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,440 and they'll want our blood. 399 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,839 Then I suggest you have a plan ready for dealing with them. 400 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,119 HE SCOFFS 401 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,160 Not your usual "let's hide". 402 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,239 Do you know anything about this calamity? 403 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,559 Because it sounds like you do. 404 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,239 I'll answer that, Alec, 405 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,719 when you take that peevish tone out of your voice. 406 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,119 Well, maybe it's peevish, perhaps with a touch of incandescence 407 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,919 because we're up to our necks in ordure, Norma. 408 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,199 Don't say ordure so close to my face, please, Alec. 409 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,959 Poor Pinkie rang me in the office in a right state. 410 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,999 Poor Pinkie? 411 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,679 She's a saint, frankly, to put up with that husband of hers. 412 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,760 She's worth ten times him on the open market. 413 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:36,920 Yes? 414 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,679 Oh, here they are. 415 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,399 Kent's finest and his moll. All right, trouble? 416 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,279 You can talk. Welcome back, Pop! 417 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,119 Thank you. And I hear you had your privileges withdrawn, son? 418 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,719 Yes, but they've recently been restored. 419 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,839 I can see that. 420 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,759 Yeah, you've got grass stains on your elbows there, Casanova. 421 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,120 THEY LAUGH 422 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,559 Mister Larkin, I apologise for doubting you. 423 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,159 My, er, sister doggedly assumes the worst in people. 424 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,800 And I'm rarely disappointed. Take the Jerebohms. 425 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,679 I assume there'll be some retribution. 426 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,359 We're all desperate to see them thrown into chokey, 427 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,159 or maybe dragged along behind a plough? 428 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,680 Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something. 429 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,919 Primrose, where's your dreamy Reverend? 430 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,279 The whole village is talking about your liaison, 431 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,799 but not in a bitchy way. 432 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,879 He has urgent business with the Vicar, I'm afraid. 433 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,519 Ah, yes, that's been fermenting. 434 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,199 One doesn't want to kick a work-shy old parson when he's down. 435 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,279 No. Glass of wine? 436 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,640 No, thank you, it'll only end with me in a wheelbarrow. 437 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,719 Mariette. 438 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,839 Pauline. 439 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,599 Oh, did you hear, Pauline? Mariette's having a baby! 440 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,559 I did hear. Any idea who's it is? 441 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,439 Yeah, it's your boyfriend's. 442 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,279 I'm just going to... 443 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,679 Er, look, geese! 444 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,999 I was the man of the house while you were away, Pop. He was. 445 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,039 That's my boy. 446 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,439 It was quite tiring. You can be it again now. 447 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,239 Cheers. 448 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,239 Look at you all, I don't deserve you. 449 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,399 But I've been away for a few weeks now, 450 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,760 it's time for me and Ma to go to bed. 451 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,879 I'm not trying to replace you! It's the Dean's decision. 452 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,759 Well, I'm tired of arguing the toss, 453 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,319 so I'm just gonna throw you out of the house 454 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,479 I've happily occupied since 1928! 455 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,319 Don't! I was reaching for my jacket. 456 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,120 Go on, get out. 457 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,239 Where am I supposed to sleep? I'm sure you'll have offers. 458 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,319 What are you planning to do? Barricade yourself in? 459 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,959 That's exactly what I'm planning to draw attention to my plight. 460 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,439 Vicar, this is brainless. And how long are you gonna keep this up? 461 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:06,119 Until I've shown the Dean I won't be shunted off like some evacuee. 462 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,520 I do have my dignity. 463 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,559 Could you ask one of my faithful to bring me food? Nothing fancy. 464 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,119 But hot, you know, no rubbish. 465 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,479 You're not serious. I am, Alec. 466 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,879 Pfft! 467 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,560 Give me one good reason why I should stay in this marriage. 468 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,279 Have you forgotten the question? 469 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,639 I'm thinking! I don't know, it's habit-forming. 470 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,959 We didn't have to pay the single supplement on our cruise. 471 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,559 Where am I supposed to sleep? 472 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,399 The spare room! 473 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,639 It's full of your hobbies. Needles, hallucinogenic glue. 474 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,120 It's a death trap, Norma! 475 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,759 Is this all because I helped convict an innocent man 476 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,440 whom we don't even like? 477 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:51,999 SNIFFS 478 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,599 Oh, dear. 479 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,080 I find this room very upsetting. It's full of raffia! 480 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:00,880 Oh! Oh! 481 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,519 That cleared away some fluff. 482 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,160 We truly banged the gong there, girl. 483 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:15,080 The only revenge I want, Ma, is to get that lot out of next door. 484 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:20,079 And as far away as possible. Yeah. 485 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:21,439 KNOCK ON DOOR 486 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,159 Oh, was that the front door? Yeah. 487 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,999 We probably better go and check on the kids. 488 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,999 Don't you dare get out of this bed! 489 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,319 Huh? 490 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:31,839 Bet you never heard that in prison. 491 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,599 You'd be surprised, Ma. 492 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,280 THEY LAUGH 493 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:46,359 And he's barricaded all the doors and windows. It's ridiculous. 494 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:47,719 Poor you. Thanks. 495 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,439 I tried the inn but it's full, and if I'm honest, 496 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,759 I didn't feel safe with Mrs Babcock, who offered herself, 497 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,399 so I wondered if you had a spare barn or something I could sleep in? 498 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,759 We do. But you'd be in with Mariette and Charley. 499 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,759 Ah. Well, they're very nice, but... 500 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,119 Yes! We think you and Charley would make great mates. 501 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,519 You could maybe go for a beer together. 502 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:06,999 Stay in the house. Pick a room! 503 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,799 OK. Go! Go to bed. Come in for prayers! 504 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,880 Shut it! 505 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,239 In fact, the house is comparatively empty. 506 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,319 Monty's been released from being man of the house 507 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,839 so he's at his mate Shortie's, 508 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,279 and Mariette and Charley are in the barn, so, you know... 509 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,160 My room's got my name on the door. Obviously, I'll sleep alone! 510 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,599 Mug of cocoa and we sit and put the world to rights 511 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,319 in between staring into each other's eyes? 512 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,920 Just what I was gonna suggest. 513 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,280 Vicar? 514 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,200 Erm, Vicar? 515 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,999 I've brought you some breakfast! Have you come alone? 516 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,559 Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't find any other, um, 517 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,280 faithful who wanted to cook for you. 518 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,239 Hello. I feel rather sad. Oh. 519 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,199 It's not like you to be sad. Angry, yes. 520 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,199 Bitter, abusive even, but rarely sad. 521 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,439 If this is you trying to cheer me up, try harder. 522 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,679 Don't be sad. Pop Larkin is out! 523 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,999 Why are you telling me about happy people? 524 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,399 Anyway, here's breakfast. 525 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,879 I'm sorry you seem to be losing the vicarage, 526 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,360 but everything looks better after bacon. 527 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,279 I honestly don't think anybody's gonna storm the building. 528 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,400 I'm not risking it. 529 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,599 ALEC CLEARS THROAT 530 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,679 I had time to think about our union last night in the spare bedroom, 531 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,359 slightly delirious from the glue fumes. 532 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:09,119 And I want to fight for our marriage, Norma, like a... 533 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,239 terrier. 534 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,399 Pop and Ma Larkin are aggravating, 535 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,959 and not even married now I think about it, 536 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,200 but I can see that they appear loving and generous to each other. 537 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,679 So I slipped out of the house early, 538 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,479 still fighting the effects of heavy-duty solvent but that's fine. 539 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:27,760 And I bought you this. 540 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,240 At no little expense. 541 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,239 A vacu-um cleaner. 542 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,599 You're under-selling it, Norma. 543 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,920 I'm assured it will transform your life. 544 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,559 I'm going to give you three minutes to collect a bag of possessions 545 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,520 and leave. 546 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,999 All right there, Berndt? Guten tag, wienerschnitzel. 547 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,839 Feel free to yodel, and thanks for all your help. 548 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,959 No, thank you, Mister Larkin. 549 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,199 Your employers off on their holibobs? 550 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,959 Somewhere they can't be found in a hurry? 551 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,120 That is the plan. 552 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,040 That was the plan. 553 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,079 Oh. 554 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,440 Anything to add to that, Pinkie? 555 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,479 Um... 556 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,399 Oh, usually so fluent, words come tumbling out. Lie built on lie. 557 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,719 Can I just say... 558 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,039 No, you'll need more than words. 559 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,599 But kick off with them 560 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,759 and just give me and Berndt here a big empty laugh. 561 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,759 My husband and I were... 562 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,719 annoyed to feel you overcharged us for the house, 563 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:10,119 and our attempt to teach you a lesson got wildly out of hand. 564 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,280 So, a huge sorry. 565 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,680 I swear on my children's lives, I'm a kind person. 566 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,359 Well, onto me. I made the best of my few weeks in jail. 567 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:25,799 Oh, that's nice. 568 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,559 I met some decent blokes and, guilty though they were of various crimes, 569 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,160 you and your husband are not worthy to lick their prison boots. 570 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,639 Cuthbert! Cuthbert! 571 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,319 You see, it brought shame and worry on to my family. 572 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,079 So you can tell your husband from me, 573 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,919 when he's finished hiding behind the settee, 574 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:48,880 that me and Ma haven't decided how we are going to right this wrong. 575 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,959 But you can forget about going on holiday. 576 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,439 Berndt, would you open up 577 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,279 that big case of Pinkie's for a moment, for me. 578 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,360 Yeah. 579 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,199 Thank you. Funny you should be called Berndt. 580 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,480 Also, folks round 'ere wanted us to get the law involved. 581 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,879 Have you done for fraud, perjury and bribing a magistrate, 582 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,079 which could... Oh, hello. 583 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,640 CUTHBERT GROANS 584 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,280 ..which could get you both locked up for a year or two. 585 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,559 Don't you dare, you scumbag. 586 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,200 Also, I don't judge but I know that you do. 587 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,639 I can tell the whole world 588 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:37,799 about your time in the exotic Essex dance troupe Folies They're Bare. 589 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,599 Actually, it was very beautiful and you had to be in the front rows 590 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,159 to see anything through the feathers. 591 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,000 So, Ma and me will have a think about how to proceed. 592 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:47,799 PINKIE GASPS 593 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,320 Bid you a good day. 594 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,679 My pink things! My pink things! 595 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,599 I'll pee on it! Look out! 596 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,879 Throw your body on it! 597 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:57,959 SHE SCREAMS 598 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,560 And there goes the Chanel. 599 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:17,800 Vicar? 600 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,000 Vicar, we need to talk about this! 601 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,840 I don't trust you. 602 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,920 I can't do this. It's not fair or Christian. 603 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,599 I'll have to tell the Dean I'll move on. 604 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,080 No. I can't bear to lose you. 605 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:41,840 Vicar! 606 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,039 If Reverend Candy tells the Dean 607 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,639 that you're not as useless as everyone thinks 608 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,519 and he'd love to work with you, and the Dean agrees, 609 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:52,920 might that be acceptable? 610 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,520 Oh! Bloody chain. 611 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:14,200 Thank you. 612 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,639 Good. Yes, good. 613 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,839 Thank you, Miss Larkin. 614 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,039 Onward. 615 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,640 Excellent. Well done. 616 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,319 I'll make some tea. 617 00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:34,399 Lovely. 618 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,120 Actually, would you? I need a pee and a shave. 619 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,599 They're happier now you're back, look. 620 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,839 I know, very family-minded, the geese, aren't they? 621 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,879 'Ey-up, here comes Bonnie and Clyde. 622 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,319 Good morning, Mr and Mrs Larkin. 623 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:53,799 Uh-huh. 624 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:58,039 Erm, we won't try to excuse our recent behaviour, 625 00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:03,599 but I would love you to think of us as wayward neighbours, who, er... 626 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,159 who are desperate to make amends! 627 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,639 We'd rather not think of you as neighbours at all. 628 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,039 THEY LAUGH 629 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,999 That's very good. Yes, super, very wry. 630 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,159 We mean it. 631 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,919 Oh... 632 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,319 And not just for ourselves. 633 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,319 You don't bring much to the village, do you? 634 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,919 Do we bring anything to the village? 635 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,359 A certain style and confidence? 636 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,479 But in terms of your comment with regard to us 637 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,799 and a potential legal route... 638 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,919 We've had a think and instead, we'd like to get you a present! 639 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,439 And as you like pigs, we thought we'd buy you a pig? 640 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,559 The very best kind of pig there is? 641 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,719 No. What you're gonna do, is in exchange for us keeping quiet 642 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:48,319 about your wrongdoings, you're gonna sell us back your house. 643 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,799 For what we paid for it. Seven grand. 644 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,479 But we paid you £17,000. 645 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,399 You did, well remembered. 646 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,559 And several thousand more to make it swanky. 647 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,919 Well, if it makes it any easier for you, 648 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:05,119 we'll be using up our profit, your money, on the village, 649 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,599 cos you just came and sneered at life down here 650 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,199 and didn't contribute nothing. 651 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,519 So, we've got the cash, and you've got 24 hours 652 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:13,719 to sort out your legals, 653 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,000 pack up the house and never ever come back. 654 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,320 Or we could get you bundled off in to a police van. 655 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:25,840 GROANS 656 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:28,280 Thank you. 657 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,200 KNOCK ON DOOR 658 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:36,800 CAT PURRS 659 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,039 All right! You've got a key. 660 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,160 DOOR OPENS 661 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,240 I've been walking around for... 662 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,120 Well, since you threw me out. 663 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,959 Where did you spend the night? On a bench. 664 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,320 Why didn't you stay in a hotel? 665 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:03,559 Partly meanness. That's just never going to go away. 666 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,719 And I felt I needed to show contrition somehow. 667 00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:07,400 You've bought a kitten! 668 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:10,120 Yes. 669 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,880 Good. It's nice. 670 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,720 Let's start again, Norma. 671 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:31,199 It's the cheese we shared on our magical first date, Saint Nectaire. 672 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,679 I hoped it might mean more than a ring, 673 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,160 as well as being cheaper. I've got the rest in my pocket. 674 00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,200 All right, let's try again. 675 00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,080 But there'll need to be changes. 676 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,000 I need to wear the trousers more now. 677 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,679 There's a wind of change blowing through modern marriage, Alec, 678 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:59,280 and I'm contributing to that wind through these trousers. 679 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:04,039 I've never seen you in slacks before. 680 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,559 No, and that's rather my point. 681 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:07,799 It's quite an eye-opener. 682 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:13,520 Also my point. Right, well, it's late... 683 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,559 ..and I'm prepared to take you back. 684 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,360 Thank you. 685 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:30,399 Drive! Drive! 686 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,680 I'm driving! Well, drive faster! 687 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,159 Not a bad gaff, it has to be said. It's not, is it, now it's done up? 688 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:45,279 One forgets how socially mobile one can be these days. 689 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,199 Especially as a couple days ago, I was in an eight by ten cell. 690 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:49,919 Don't let it go to your head. 691 00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,760 Far from it, Ma. Common and proud! 692 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,639 I'll admit proud, might even accept vulgar, but we're not common. 693 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:57,999 I think we know what we're gonna do 694 00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,719 with at least part of this place, don't we? 695 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,359 Yeah. Golf course and a wine bar! 696 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:02,960 Croquet lawn! 697 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,280 POP CHUCKLES 698 00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,240 Nah, it's nice and all but it's not really us, is it? No. 699 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,599 Swim in the lake? Yeah, little dip, why not? 700 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:15,919 I'll race you! Starkers! 701 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,000 Come on, Ma! 702 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,639 So, we've bought back Bluff Court and we insist on giving you 703 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,519 some land off of it to do whatever you fancy. 704 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,799 You might wanna build a bungalow before your baby comes. 705 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,879 That is a good notion, Ma. I tell you, stairs, who needs 'em? 706 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,759 People who've got a house on two floors? So true. 707 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,759 He's never less than on the ball, is he, Charley boy? 708 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,559 Oh, go on, then, or we'll never hear the end of it. 709 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,679 Thanks, Ma. 710 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:42,879 Thank you, Pop. 711 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,679 Hey, don't, no, it's just our way of stopping 712 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:45,719 you two wandering off! 713 00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:47,239 You'll be the other side of the hedge 714 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,719 where we can see you and the nipper. 715 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:51,999 Not to tempt fate, of course, touch wood, where's the wood? 716 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,399 There you go. Sorry, Madame. 717 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,439 Cos it shapes us all, don't it? Where we live. 718 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:59,279 A mansion can be a soulless prison, a tiny cell can be a cherished home, 719 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,279 and who knows what goes on behind a closed door. 720 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,839 Hmm. We're going into the village, Larkininoes! 721 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,920 Quick! Before the summer ends! 722 00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,839 Apparently, the arrangement is the old Vicar will have less to do. 723 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:30,439 That'll take some doing. 724 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,999 Mind you, if the dishy one's going out with a Larkin, 725 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,199 that'll keep him busy. 726 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:38,239 The thing about the Larkins is... Oh, I love the Larkins. 727 00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:39,599 Thank you, Libby. 728 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,119 You weren't supposed to hear that. 729 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:43,440 I think they're overrated. 730 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,279 Voice of an angel, Miss Chand. Voice of an angel. 731 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,839 I could persuade my editor to do a weekly religion corner. 732 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,599 Yes, that sounds like a really good idea... 733 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,559 Or I could be a roving restaurant critic, 734 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,479 eating and drinking my way around Kent. 735 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,359 And in the summer, the vacationing vicar reviews luxury holidays! 736 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,959 Somewhere warm. 737 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,959 Oh, the holy table. 738 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,119 Or cars! 739 00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:08,040 Every week the Vicar gets given a new car to test and keep. 740 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:11,560 LAUGHTER 741 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,119 Come on, Brigadier. 742 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,079 Oh look, no, no. Pop'll get you one. 743 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,320 No, I have one... Tell me what I've said? 744 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,439 Alec, Norma. Come and join us. 745 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,439 So, how are you planning to humiliate me this time? 746 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:29,920 Well, we could go mad and just have a nice chat. 747 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,639 Look at you two, all affectionate. 748 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:39,840 Yes, we had some tiny differences of opinion which we've ironed out. 749 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,720 New look, Norma? Um, yes. 750 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:47,759 They're going to say something cutting now. 751 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,999 No! We like it. 752 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,160 You look really nice. 753 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,120 Did you manage to get away this summer at all? 754 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,760 Actually, no, that... that's not helpful. 755 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,639 Maybe it's easier if we don't pretend we like each other. 756 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,120 Yes, I agree. I can see that, yes. 757 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:38,880 Oh. 758 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,599 You're not actually allowed to sit on a uniformed policeman. 759 00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,719 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 760 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:46,720 Try this for size. 761 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,240 I'll authorise it on this occasion. 762 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:52,999 Where's your Mariette and Charley? 763 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,400 Um, they're off planning their new home. 764 00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,800 Ah, that's nice, starting out together. 765 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:09,919 Charley? Where are you? 766 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,119 Up here. I can see Larkin's Farm! 767 00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:15,520 I think I'm near you. Hang on! 768 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:18,360 Oh. 769 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,959 Oh, well, never mind. 770 00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:26,159 Stay there, I'll head for you. No, you stay, I'll come to you. 771 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,160 Maybe we'll meet in the middle. 772 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:46,760 Out you jump. Hello, girls. 773 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,039 Come on. 774 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:51,440 Ooh! 775 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,719 Home! Who's hungry? 776 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,439 Me! Me! And me! 777 00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,760 We are, too! 778 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,840 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com