1 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:23,080 {\an1}MUSIC: Kyrie/Sjung, Syster Sjung! by Sara Parkman 2 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,560 {\an2}You all right? 3 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,200 {\an2}This bit used to be the nudist beach here. 4 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,360 {\an2}Till the council started throwing turds in the water. 5 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,080 {\an2}I mean, what's the point of getting your chebs out 6 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,040 {\an2}if everything stinks of shit? 7 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,200 {\an2}Do you have to use the word "chebs"? 8 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,960 {\an2}DANNY CHUCKLES Sorry. 9 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,000 {\an2}Tits. 10 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,880 {\an2}Margate's actually quite nice now. It's quite up-and-coming. 11 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,360 {\an2}I just saw an Aldi. 12 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,560 {\an2}And a Prezzo in Broadstairs. Ooh. 13 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,760 {\an2}I used to love it here, so much. 14 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,960 {\an2}Although London's shit now. 15 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,000 {\an2}We're all just getting our phones nicked all the time 16 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,920 {\an2}and everywhere shuts by half ten, so... 17 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,360 {\an2}Shit. What do you do if you want a late one? 18 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,240 {\an2}Well, sometimes, I go... 19 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,240 {\an2}I go to... 20 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,480 {\an2}..Soho House. 21 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,200 {\an2}Soho House?! Mm. 22 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,200 {\an2}DANNY CHUCKLES Oh, no. 23 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,480 {\an2}Please don't tell me you're a member. Don't start. 24 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,920 {\an2}Who do you think you are in Soho House? 25 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,080 {\an2}Just someone who likes a 1am picante with padron peppers and pals. 26 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,680 {\an2}You are so gay. 27 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,400 {\an2}I didn't make it, did I? 28 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,880 {\an1}HE SIGHS 29 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,880 {\an2}I'm so sorry, mate. 30 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,360 {\an2}I'm sorry too. 31 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,800 {\an2}I just... 32 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,000 {\an2}I just couldn't... 33 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,880 {\an2}You don't need to explain it. 34 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,640 {\an2}We all know there isn't just one answer. 35 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,440 {\an2}I guess I just want you to know in some way 36 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,240 {\an2}that you're still so present. 37 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,880 {\an2}It's all the everyday stuff, really, like, 38 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,040 {\an2}I could be picking a Tesco meal deal and start thinking about you - 39 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,080 {\an2}at what you'd get, whether you'd go for a Dr Pepper 40 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,200 {\an2}or a Naked Blue smoothie, 41 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,920 {\an2}what you'd make of how it's all changed. 42 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,040 {\an2}How's it all changed? 43 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,760 {\an2}It's not �3 anymore. 44 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,960 {\an2}What? 45 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,960 {\an2}It's �3.90. 46 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,720 {\an2}3.40 with a Clubcard. 47 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,160 {\an2}Are you joking? 48 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,520 {\an2}But at some Tescos, you can get a Costa Express 49 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,520 {\an2}in the �3.40 deal, which is... 50 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,480 {\an2}BOTH: ..the price of a coffee in itself. 51 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,720 {\an2}And then sometimes, 52 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,040 {\an2}I'll just think about you on certain dates, 53 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,880 {\an2}like the day I turned the age you were when we met... 54 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,160 {\an2}..and I thought, I don't know why you became friends 55 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,520 {\an2}with such a dweeb. 56 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,440 {\an2}Or the day I turned the age you were when you left. 57 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,320 {\an2}And I felt so guilty, 58 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,760 {\an2}like I was never supposed to become older than you. 59 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,720 {\an2}And then the day I turned 30, 60 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:12,000 {\an2}one of my first thoughts was, "God, you'd be so happy in this age." 61 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,880 {\an2}Everything just sort of dissipates a bit and you stop giving a shit 62 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,480 {\an2}about looking good in photos 63 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,560 {\an2}or making someone's birthday drinks on time. 64 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,680 {\an2}I fucking hate birthday drinks. Mm. 65 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,400 {\an2}It's, like, have a party or don't. 66 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,200 {\an2}I totally agree. 67 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:36,680 {\an2}And I know, somewhere, you'll be cringing soooo hard at the earnest, 68 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,320 {\an2}overshare-y sincerity of all this, but I just... 69 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,360 {\an2}..I just really miss you. 70 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,760 {\an2}And I've written so much about us. 71 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,120 {\an2}To not let the injustice of what could have been... 72 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,160 {\an2}..override all the joy of what was. 73 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,160 {\an2}Can I just say, look, I know I chose this ending, 74 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,040 {\an2}but we both know it's not what I wanted. 75 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,120 {\an2}I didn't wanna leave, 76 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,560 {\an2}I just wanted out of the fucking mess I kept falling into. 77 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,040 {\an2}I dunno, a part of me thinks that this shouldn't be the ending. 78 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,640 {\an2}And, yeah, I'd... 79 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,600 {\an2}..I'd actually really like another one. 80 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,280 {\an2}OK. 81 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:43,680 {\an2}OK, right. Erm... 82 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,880 {\an2}Stand up. What? 83 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,920 {\an2}Come on. 84 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,520 {\an2}Up you get. 85 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,160 {\an2}Shoulders back. 86 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,520 {\an2}Chebs out. 87 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,800 {\an2}Get up on the bench. 88 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,240 {\an2}What, like, on it? Yeah. 89 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,880 {\an2}OK, and...now what? 90 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,400 {\an2}You're going to wait. 91 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,960 {\an2}Wait for what? 92 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,840 {\an2}Well, I'd like to think, that night, 93 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,760 {\an2}you didn't wait for the help that you had asked for to get to you, 94 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,240 {\an2}so, this time, you're gonna wait. 95 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,960 {\an2}I feel like a bit of an idiot just stood here. 96 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,800 {\an2}No, you don't. You look great. 97 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:30,040 {\an2}Look, if you wait, something else will come along. 98 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,680 {\an2}It might not be loads better, but... 99 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:33,720 {\an2}..just you wait. 100 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,160 {\an2}Jack. 101 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,200 {\an2}Ah, thank you. 102 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,960 {\an2}Ah, I feel like a right plum. 103 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,280 {\an2}No, sod this. 104 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,680 {\an2}Come on. It's OK. 105 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,880 {\an1}HE SNIFFS 106 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,520 {\an2}That's it. It's OK. 107 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,200 {\an2}It's OK. 108 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,520 {\an2}It's all right. 109 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,400 {\an2}Let it out, OK? 110 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,240 {\an2}Let it out. 111 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,600 {\an2}It's OK. 112 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,920 {\an2}Sorry. Danny, where do you keep your teabags? 113 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,640 {\an2}No, I wasn't talking to you. 114 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,440 {\an2}No, I won't be home tonight, Kelly, 115 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,720 {\an2}so you're going to have to make your own dinner, I'm afraid. 116 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,600 {\an2}SHE CHUCKLES Grumble! 117 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,880 {\an2}No... 118 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,360 {\an2}No, that's not true. 119 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,520 {\an2}I taught you how to use the George Foreman very recently, remember? 120 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,200 {\an2}Yeah... Yeah, OK. 121 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:06,000 {\an2}And there's some asparagus tips in the veg drawer as well. 122 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:10,040 {\an2}No, I know...I know they make your wee go funny, 123 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,000 {\an2}They makes everyone's wee go funny. 124 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,520 {\an2}Funnily enough, actually very good for you, asparagus tips. 125 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,200 {\an2}Erm... Good h-hearing, something like...something like that. 126 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:23,360 {\an2}Erm, well, I'm actually just teabagging in Margate at the moment. 127 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,880 {\an2}Are you laughing? 128 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,200 {\an2}She's laughing. 129 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,280 {\an2}Why are you laughing at that? 130 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,440 {\an2}Hello? 131 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,560 {\an2}I think she's on the train or something. 132 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,960 {\an2}Right, teabags, teabags... 133 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,400 {\an2}TV: Coming up next, it's A Question Of Sport. 134 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:44,240 {\an2}Is Sue Barker a lesbian as well or is that just Clare Balding? 135 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,080 {\an2}Can't remember. 136 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,320 {\an2}Shall we have a little read of the TV Guide? 137 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,480 {\an2}Ooh, it's from 2008. 138 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,480 {\an2}It'll be wrong. 139 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,240 {\an2}Mm. Seen... Yeah, seen that, seen that. 140 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,080 {\an2}Haven't seen that actually. 141 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,520 {\an2}Ugh, cycling. 142 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,000 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 143 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,080 {\an2}Ahh. 144 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,240 {\an2}There's a little bit of a breeze coming from somewhere... 145 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,160 {\an2}SHE GASPS Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 146 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,640 {\an2}Heh... Sorry! 147 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,280 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 148 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,240 {\an2}No, it was a bit of an emergency cos, erm, you know, you didn't 149 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:33,000 {\an2}answer you phone after you texted me and I was a bit like, "Oh..." 150 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,160 {\an2}Cos I'd driven for two hours, and I was like, "Ooh, got to get in," 151 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,920 {\an2}so I used the minibus fire extinguisher in the end, 152 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,400 {\an2}which is also quite mini, 153 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,600 {\an2}erm, to smash your... smash your back doors in. 154 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,760 {\an2}But don't worry, don't worry, don't panic, cos I've put many an 155 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,200 {\an2}SU bog door back on its hinges. 156 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,760 {\an2}All in a day's work. 157 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,280 {\an2}OK. DRILL WHIRS 158 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,320 {\an2}Cover your eyes. 159 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,840 {\an2}Right, let's just get some shut-eye 160 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,320 {\an2}and then we'll make a plan of action tomorrow, OK? 161 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:12,720 {\an2}Thanks, Jules. 162 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:17,960 {\an2}Oh... Oh, oh, no worries...at all. 163 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,560 {\an2}Of course, sweetheart. 164 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,880 {\an2}There's nothing too big that we can't fix, OK? 165 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,200 {\an2}Just remember that. 166 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,520 {\an2}OK. 167 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,280 {\an2}Night, then, 168 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,760 {\an2}I'm just gonna put on a podcast if that's OK, just to help me sleep. 169 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,680 {\an2}Hello. My name is Anoushka Delafonte 170 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,080 {\an2}and you're listening to Anoushka's Empowered Women's Health podcast, 171 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,400 {\an2}where we delve into many of the hidden issues 172 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,400 {\an2}affecting millennial women today. 173 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,840 {\an2}From PMS to tender breasts, 174 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,760 {\an2}this is a safe space for women to discuss our bodies. 175 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,040 {\an2}And talking of safe spaces, we're sponsored by Squarespace. 176 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,480 {\an2}Squarespace empowers millions of dreamers, makers and doers 177 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,680 {\an2}by providing them with the tools they need 178 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,680 {\an2}to bring creative ideas to life. 179 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:10,720 {\an2}And it's so easy. 180 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:15,880 {\an2}Ahh... 181 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:16,920 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 182 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,520 {\an2}Oh, do you know what "GS" stands for on my...? 183 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,120 {\an2}"Great shag." 184 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,160 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 185 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,680 {\an2}No, I'm joking. Just, erm... 186 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,920 {\an2}No, just trying to get some cheeky banter going with you. 187 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,120 {\an2}Cos now you're at the end of uni, 188 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,800 {\an2}I can do cheeky banter with you, finally. 189 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,080 {\an2}Ooh, shall we have a Mr Whippy? 99? 190 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,560 {\an2}Oh, hello. 191 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,760 {\an1}IN MANDARIN: 192 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,800 {\an2}Ooh, er... 193 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,640 {\an2}..hundreds and thousands sprinkles. 194 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,800 {\an2}Threw in an extra Flake for you. 195 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,280 {\an2}Aww, thank you. That's very kind. 196 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,480 {\an2}Jules! 197 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,680 {\an2}What? 198 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,800 {\an1}MUSIC: Sea Creatures by Soak 199 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,440 {\an2}What did you actually study, then? 200 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,480 {\an2}International business relations with Mandarin. 201 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,720 {\an2}Wow. Mm. 202 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,440 {\an2}God, the ice creams in Margate are to Princess Di for. 203 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,600 {\an2}Oh, here we go. 204 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,400 {\an2}In an interview in 1999, 205 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,760 {\an2}she said that during her career she was approached by 206 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,960 {\an2}lesbian tennis players in locker rooms 207 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,920 {\an2}and had to reject their advances. 208 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,800 {\an2}Oh, right, OK. 209 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,640 {\an2}And in 1982, she had a brief romance with singer Cliff Richard. 210 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,960 {\an2}No! Yeah. Cliff allegedly said, 211 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,440 {\an2}"I seriously contemplated asking Sue Barker to marry me, 212 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,760 {\an2}"but, in the end, I realised I didn't love her quite enough 213 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,400 {\an2}"to commit the rest of my life to her." Oh, my... So harsh. 214 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,720 {\an2}It is harsh. They would have met at Wimbledon. At Wimbledon, yeah. 215 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,080 {\an2}Hang on, where are we? This isn't the way back to uni. 216 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,080 {\an2}Well, I'm taking us on a cheeky 37-minute detour 217 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,480 {\an2}to one of your favourite places to eat. 218 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,000 {\an1}HE YELPS 219 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,520 {\an2}You're joking! 220 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,760 {\an2}Fleet Services! Yeah. 221 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,440 {\an2}I fucking love you, Jules Handy! Oh, language please. 222 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:53,480 {\an2}I fucking love yoooooou! 223 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,520 {\an1}MUSIC: Whiteout Conditions by The New Pornographers 224 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,600 {\an2}Ahh... 225 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,320 {\an2}Ah, that was incredible. 226 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,400 {\an2}You know, when I was holding those two semi-automatic pistols just now 227 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,600 {\an2}to kill the zombies on the Sega House of Dead machine, I... 228 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,200 {\an2}..I just suddenly had a thought that...that I need new challenges 229 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,360 {\an2}in my life. 230 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,080 {\an2}This is very much the effect that Fleet Services 231 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,400 {\an2}tends to have on people. 232 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,400 {\an2}Do you know what? Believe it or not, my whole life, people have, like, 233 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,200 {\an2}thought I was a bit of a joke or something and I'm actually... 234 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,400 {\an2}..I'm actually not. I'm... I'm very proud of my career. 235 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,400 {\an2}Because I know I didn't, you know, leave uni and join, like, 236 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:58,520 {\an2}a FTSE 100 company or...or...or start a small, inspirational, 237 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,000 {\an2}independent greetings card business or anything like that, 238 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,800 {\an2}but, you know, I did something that I really love, 239 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,360 {\an2}which is helping people. 240 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,200 {\an2}Mm. Walkers Max Paprika? 241 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,320 {\an2}No, not right now. 242 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,920 {\an2}But, erm, helping them learn about themselves 243 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,840 {\an2}and help them to... to let their hair down and... 244 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,160 {\an2}..and discover who they are. 245 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,600 {\an2}I mean, like how you've done with Jack. 246 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,160 {\an2}And all your friends, actually. 247 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,640 {\an2}And I... 248 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,480 {\an2}..I think that...that... 249 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,560 {\an2}..next year should be my last year. 250 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,400 {\an2}And I was thinking as well, 251 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,040 {\an2}I mean, you know, if you're up for it, that, erm... 252 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,760 {\an2}I just think that you have a lot of those same qualities. 253 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,000 {\an2}Me? Yeah. 254 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,400 {\an2}I was thinking I could train you up this summer and, erm... 255 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,240 {\an2}It'd be, like, a proper-waged job and everything. 256 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,880 {\an2}You could finish your disso, then, and, erm... 257 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,040 {\an2}I mean, at least for a little bit, you can be the new me! 258 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,240 {\an2}You know, when you put it like that... 259 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,720 {\an2}..I think that's exactly what I wanna do. 260 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,320 {\an2}I think I'd actually be sick at this! 261 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,480 {\an2}Yeah, that's literally what I'm saying. 262 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,520 {\an2}Boop! 263 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,840 {\an2}You hate it when I do that to you. 264 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,120 {\an2}I know. It's hard not to, though, innit, once it's on? 265 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,080 {\an2}Yeah, it's addictive, it's addictive. 266 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,560 {\an2}Can you get the Gaviscon out of there? 267 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,160 {\an2}Those jalapeno poppers are just sitting... 268 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,680 {\an2}..sitting right on my chest. Yeah. 269 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:24,720 {\an2}Oh, are there none in there? 270 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,040 {\an2}No, just... Erm... 271 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:28,880 {\an2}Mm. I can go and get you some, though. 272 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,960 {\an2}Oh, yeah, are you sure, yeah? Yeah. That'd be great. 273 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,920 {\an2}WH Smith's, mate. Not a problem. 274 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,160 {\an1}SHE SIGHS 275 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,720 {\an1}SHE TAPS 276 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,360 {\an2}Oh, hi, hi. 277 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,600 {\an2}Yeah, it's just me. 278 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,160 {\an2}Erm... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. 279 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,280 {\an2}Erm... 280 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,240 {\an2}Er, yeah, I've got him, yeah. 281 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680 {\an2}TEARFUL: Yeah, it was quite tough, but... 282 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,680 {\an2}Yeah, we're on our way back now, so... 283 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:16,720 {\an2}Yeah. 284 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:18,760 {\an2}OK. 285 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,240 {\an2}Thanks, Tim. Thanks for checking in. 286 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,400 {\an2}Of course. 287 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,160 {\an2}Text me any time. 288 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,000 {\an2}Yeah, I'm here to help all summer so... 289 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,080 {\an2}Yeah, he can stay at mine if he needs, but... 290 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,520 {\an2}I mean, whatever, just... 291 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,200 {\an2}We'll...we'll get him through. 292 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,640 {\an2}Well, no, he wouldn't be staying in my room. 293 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,600 {\an2}Well, I've got three bedrooms, Jules. 294 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,040 {\an2}OK. 295 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,720 {\an2}Hey, you did really well. 296 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,040 {\an2}All right, OK, take care. 297 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:56,960 {\an1}HE EXHALES 298 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,480 {\an2}Is he all right? 299 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,000 {\an2}He's all right. 300 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,480 {\an1}MUSIC: Wreath by Perfume Genius 301 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,400 {\an1}MUSIC OVER DIALOGUE 302 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,120 {\an2}She's called DianaCamilla. 303 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,360 {\an2}Nice. DianaCamilla Miller? 304 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,440 {\an2}It's actually Mill-ar, like, up at the end. 305 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,440 {\an2}Yeah, it goes up at the... Mill-ar. Up at the end. So it's different. 306 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,760 {\an2}And, like, I just really want her to be a woman who just 307 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,160 {\an2}doesn't hate other women. 308 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,040 {\an2}Aww. You know? So, in many ways, 309 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,800 {\an2}this is sort of my way of just ending that feud 310 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,400 {\an2}between Charles's brides, you know? Mm. 311 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,120 {\an2}This is exciting. 312 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,080 {\an2}Hi. All right? 313 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,200 {\an2}Erm... 314 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,480 {\an2}You look well. 315 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:18,560 {\an2}Yeah, you look... 316 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,240 {\an2}..smart. 317 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,280 {\an2}Thank you. 318 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,880 {\an2}Erm, meet my family. 319 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,600 {\an2}This is my mum, Kim. Hi, there. 320 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,360 {\an2}You know the names that are harder to pronounce, 321 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,560 {\an2}did you write them out phonetically for me? 322 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,640 {\an2}Yeah, I-I thought it might be racist, though, 323 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,000 {\an2}to just do the ethnic names, 324 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,040 {\an2}so I've phonetically spelt out everything. 325 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,880 {\an2}OK, erm... 326 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,040 {\an2}Yeah, that's probably right, isn't it? I don't... Don't go yet. 327 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,040 {\an2}Craig, David... 328 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,320 {\an2}..and this is Brilliant. 329 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,240 {\an2}Wait, hang on, your name's Brilliant? Brilliant. 330 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,920 {\an2}That's brilliant. 331 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,800 {\an2}Right, OK, just go and take your seats, wherever Mum and Dad are. 332 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,600 {\an2}Guys! Guys! 333 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,640 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 334 00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,680 {\an2}Christ! 335 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,400 {\an2}I just went to the hat and gown place. 336 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,240 {\an2}It's �27, so I've hired it for the day. 337 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,560 {\an2}Take it off now. 338 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,240 {\an2}Don't be jealous because it suits me more, please. 339 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,920 {\an2}OK? I actually do have some pretty big news to tell you all. 340 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,560 {\an2}Here we go. How's she going to upstage my day now? 341 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,160 {\an2}So, in September... 342 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,120 {\an2}I'm going to uni. 343 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,680 {\an2}What? Finally, a smart move. 344 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,200 {\an2}That's amazing, love. 345 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,920 {\an2}Yeah, so, I'm not gonna be lazy and, like, go to some little uni 346 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,400 {\an2}down the road or anything like that. 347 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:30,200 {\an2}Erm, instead, me, Tariq and the babies, 348 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,440 {\an2}we're moving next month... 349 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,600 {\an2}..to Cyprus. 350 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,680 {\an2}Spoke too soon. 351 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,120 {\an2}Christ, that's ages away. 352 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,080 {\an2}I know it's far, it is far, 353 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,560 {\an2}but, you know, you've gotta come visit. 354 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,520 {\an2}And I really want you all to see the kids loads. 355 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,440 {\an2}And Tariq's found this really nice house near the campus for him 356 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,640 {\an2}and the girls cos I'm gonna do the first year in halls. 357 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,360 {\an2}Are you on fucking drugs?! 358 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,280 {\an2}Sorry? Have you lost your absolute fucking mind? 359 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:55,560 {\an2}Yeah, tell her, Nan. 360 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,160 {\an2}OK, guys. MICROPHONE FEEDBACK 361 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,200 {\an1}JULES CLEARS THROAT 362 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,920 {\an2}Hello, welcome, bienvenue, huang yang 363 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:08,720 {\an2}to the Brent Uni BA Journalism Graduation 2016. 364 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,880 {\an2}Now, it gives me great pleasure to say that handing out these very 365 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,560 {\an2}important scrolls you see here, we have - I can't believe 366 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,480 {\an2}I'm saying this - one of the country's most beloved entertainment 367 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,640 {\an2}interviewers in... in the country today. 368 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,600 {\an2}I love her, you love her, we all love her. 369 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,240 {\an2}Please put your hands and feet together for the late, grea... 370 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,360 {\an2}..erm...for the...for the... 371 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,800 {\an2}..for the indomitable Alison Hammond. 372 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 373 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,440 {\an1}MUSIC: This Morning Theme 374 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,720 {\an2}Yes, I know, I know. Put your hat on and sit down. 375 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,880 {\an2}Put your hat on and sit down. Alison Hammond. Yeah. 376 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,760 {\an2}Don't say her name any more. Just go sit down, buddy. 377 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,000 {\an2}Please welcome, up first, 378 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,440 {\an2}El-uh-zeh-bruff Jo-ee-ner. 379 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 380 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,600 {\an2}Ta-ma-sa Pee-do-frile. 381 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:07,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE 382 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,880 {\an2}It's Thomas Peter Friar! 383 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,320 {\an2}Co-ree-na Ga-ha-ma-ra. 384 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 385 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:16,840 {\an2}Woo! Woohoo! 386 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,720 {\an2}Congratulations. Thank you so much. 387 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,080 {\an2}Ja-kee Roo-ka. 388 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,800 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 389 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,200 {\an2}Go on, Jack! 390 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,480 {\an2}Congratulations. Well done. 391 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,160 {\an2}You're...you're my fish. 392 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,520 {\an2}Sorry, bubs? 393 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,160 {\an2}You died. You're...you're my dead fish. 394 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,840 {\an2}Oh, right. Have a lovely day. Well done. 395 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,840 {\an2}Pa-da She-ee. 396 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,560 {\an2}BOTH: We're coming, Shannon! 397 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,040 {\an1}CHEERING AND LAUGHTER 398 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,160 {\an2}Aww, thanks for helping me move my stuff into halls, guys. 399 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,280 {\an2}Aww, love you. 400 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,400 {\an2}Although, mate, your dandruff's terrible. 401 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,440 {\an2}It's like you've sat under a shredder. 402 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 403 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,600 {\an1}HE EXHALES 404 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,520 {\an2}Hello, you. 405 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,440 {\an2}Ahh, mate. 406 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,280 {\an2}It looks so good. 407 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,320 {\an2}It does, dunnit? 408 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,800 {\an2}I'm proud of ya. 409 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,320 {\an2}Oh, all right, no soppy bollocks, 410 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,240 {\an2}I've already had Jules in here crying cos I did this all by myself. 411 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,800 {\an2}Well, you've upstaged her, mate. 412 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,960 {\an2}Now, are you gonna get suited and booted 413 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,760 {\an2}to pull a fresher tonight? 414 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,040 {\an2}Nah, it's Brent Uni policy, I've got to stay in uniform, so... 415 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,200 {\an2}Nah, can't. 416 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,720 {\an2}Yeah, I'm also contractually forbidden to, you know, 417 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,320 {\an2}dance with, flirt with, 418 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,440 {\an2}definitely shag with any of the students, so... 419 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:00,600 {\an2}Ah, that's a shame. 420 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,040 {\an2}Yeah, strict but fair. Yeah. 421 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,320 {\an2}Well, you can dance and flirt with me. 422 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,400 {\an2}Not shag, but... All right, OK. 423 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:09,520 {\an2}Wait there. 424 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,360 {\an2}Ready? Mm-hm. 425 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,760 {\an1}MUSIC: The Magic Position by Patrick Wolf 426 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,200 {\an2}The sound system in here's sick. 427 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,120 {\an2}I'm gonna put some garage nights on, the lot. 428 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,480 {\an2}Right, come on. 429 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,920 {\an2}We're not actually gonna dance, are we? 430 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,000 {\an2}You asked me to dance, so let's have a dance. 431 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,360 {\an2}Yeah, but it's a bit gay. 432 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,080 {\an2}Yes, it's very gay. Now, come on. 433 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,120 {\an2}What are we doing? 434 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:38,720 {\an2}All right. 435 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,560 {\an2}# So let the people talk 436 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,320 {\an2}# It's Monday morning walk 437 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:51,920 {\an2}# Right past the fabulous mess we're in 438 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,800 {\an2}# It's gonna be a beautiful day... # 439 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:57,960 {\an2}Jack and Danny. 440 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,120 {\an2}Cockney rhyming slang for "fanny", innit? 441 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,560 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 442 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,400 {\an2}# And you take my kiss 443 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,640 {\an2}# And I take the world... # 444 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,280 {\an2}All right, now, just don't do anything I wouldn't do. 445 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,640 {\an2}I mean, I wouldn't shag a bloke, but you get what I mean. 446 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,200 {\an2}Run! 447 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,040 {\an2}# Cos out of all the people I've known 448 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,840 {\an2}# The places I've been... # You drank poppers! 449 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,080 {\an2}# The songs that I have sung The wonders I've seen 450 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:32,600 {\an2}# Now that the dreams are all coming true 451 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,840 {\an2}# Who is the one that leads me on through? 452 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:43,640 {\an2}# It's you who puts me in the magic position, darling, now 453 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:51,240 {\an2}# You put me in the magic position, darling, now 454 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:58,240 {\an2}# You put me in the magic position, darling, so 455 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:05,480 {\an2}# Let me put you in the magic position, darling, cos 456 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:10,840 {\an2}# I'm singing in the 457 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,960 {\an2}# The major key 458 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,080 {\an2}# The major key 459 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,320 {\an2}# The major key 460 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,400 {\an2}# Let me put you in the 461 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,400 {\an2}# The major key. # 462 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,880 {\an3}# Well, you thought 463 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,840 {\an3}# You could not go on 464 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,760 {\an2}# Your bones are just beating 465 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,040 {\an2}# Like drums at your funeral song... # 466 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,800 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media